Work Text:
The first year after Ji Mu's death, Shen Zechuan couldn't bear to look him in the eyes.
"Ge" he moaned, tearing at his hair. "Ge, I'm sorry—I'm s-so—"
He couldn't speak, could barely think. He wanted to choke out repentance, but what use was that? What good would it do anyone? So he just sobbed, "Ge, I, ge—"
Ji Mu crouched down, a hand touching Shen Zechuan's head for just a brief instant before his energy was depleted and it passed through.
"Chuan-er," Ji Mu said, his voice warm. "Don't cry too much for me. I promise, I don't hurt anymore." He knelt down, trying to catch Shen Zechuan's eyes.
"You're the one I'm really worried about," Ji Mu said. "You've been hurt so much already in your life, and I'm afraid there's going to be even more pain coming. I'm so sorry that I can't be there for you."
"Because of me—because of me, it was all my fault—" Shen Zechuan's entire body was wracked with heavy sobs.
"It wasn't your fault," Ji Mu said. The warmth had returned and even held traces of laughter. "It was my choice to protect you, silly. I'm glad I did. Let dad take care of you too, okay? You know how much he loves you."
And then he was gone, his time in the living world used up for the year.
The second year, Ji Mu appeared in front of him while he was eating dinner with Qi Huilian and Ji Gang. One second the fourth side of the table was empty as usual, and the next second he was crouched down in front of the food.
"Oh, this meal looks kind of terrible. Did you cook this dad?"
Ji Gang gaped at him for a moment, before snarking back, "They give us really awful ingredients!"
"Well, at least you still have good company," Ji Mu laughed. He turned to greet Qi Huilian, and Ji Gang took the chance to wipe his eyes.
"Ah, Ji Gang's oldest son," Qi Huilian said warmly. "It's wonderful to finally meet you."
"No, it's my pleasure," Ji Mu said with a deep bow. "To have the esteemed teacher of the Crown Prince guiding my little brother—I could not be more grateful."
Qi Huilian laughed. "Ah, you know who I am. Your spirit must be strong then, to be able to dwell in the living world on days other than this one."
Ji Mu scratched the back of his head, laughing humbly. "Only enough to sneak a look, not enough to appear visible and speak. And even then, only a few times a year."
Finally, he turned toward Shen Zechuan, who'd been staring at him without blinking, like he was trying to drink in every precious second of Ji Mu’s presence—happy and unharmed.
"Chuan-er," Ji Mu said, and reached out to touch his cheek. “You’ve lost so much weight. You were already so thin before…”
“Don’t let him give his food to you!” Ji Mu said loudly, turning to point at Ji Gang. The motion made his hand go through Shen Zechuan’s face.
“Of course I don’t!” Ji Gang said hotly.
Shen Zechuan settled down for the friendly argument between father and son—interspersed with reminders from both of them for Shen Zechuan to eat—and almost felt like he was home again.
The next few years, Shen Zechuan almost wished that Ji Mu wouldn’t appear. Of course he was grateful for every moment of his brother’s presence. But he felt disgusting enough that Ji Mu’s eyes on him hurt.
“This medicine,” Ji Mu said, his voice shaking. “This isn’t—”
“I know,” Ji Gang said, knocking back the chair. “I know! But what else can we do? Chuan-er can’t just be trapped here forever. He’ll waste away.”
“And this is better?!” Ji Mu shouted.
“Please—” and both of them fell silent at the soft voice coming from the bed. Shen Zechuan managed to control his pained trembling long enough to reach a hand out toward Ji Mu. “Please don’t argue.”
Ji Mu grasped his hand, squeezing tight.
“Please promise me you’ll fight for your happiness,” Ji Mu whispered. “Not just for revenge.”
Shen Zechuan couldn’t look Ji Mu in the eyes when he replied, “I promise.”
It was a relief to not have to lie to Ji Mu again, just a year later, when he asked, “Chuan-er, are you happy?”
“Yes, ge,” Shen Zechuan said warmly, his hands folded neatly in front of the fish he’d been picking clean of bones. “Very happy.”
Xiao Chiye set down the chopsticks he’d been using to feed Shen Zechuan with, carefully making sure that none of Shen Zechuan’s handmade filling slipped out of the dumpling. He quickly stood up and bowed low to Ji Mu.
“I am honored to meet you. Lanzhou has always spoken highly of you. I owe you a great debt of gratitude.”
Ji Mu rolled his eyes, friendly smile still on his face. “What, for protecting him? He was my brother long before he was your husband, you know.” He leaned forward and surprised Shen Zechuan by using his once-a-year chance for corporality to clap Xiao Chiye roughly on the shoulder. “Thank you, too, brother-in-law. For making him so happy.”
Shen Zechuan’s chest swelled full to bursting.
Ji Mu turned to Shen Zechuan again and winked. “There’s someone else who wants to see you, too. I’m sorry it took so long, little brother. Her spiritual energy wasn’t very strong, so it took us a few years to accumulate enough for this.”
“Her,” Shen Zechuan repeated, eyes wide, hoping against all hope.
He blinked, and then she was there, a hand on her hip, looking just as she had the last time he saw her.
"Shiniang." Shen Zechuan's voice shook as it hadn’t in years.
"My little Chuan-er, all grown up now," she said with a grin as bright as her son's, and without wasting another breath, stepped forward to envelop Shen Zechuan in a tight hug. Shen Zechuan had been surrounded by so much warmth over the years, but there was something unmistakable about this feeling.
"My baby," she sighed, sounding soul-deep content.
"Shiniang," Shen Zechuan whispered. "I'm sorry, shifu had to leave on a trip last week. He’s in a different city. You should go see him, you shouldn't waste your spiritual energy on me—"
"Nonsense!" she said. "That old geezer can wait. And besides, I know for sure he’d want me to come see you first." She cradled the back of his head with careful hands.
Shen Zechuan fought for words. "The dumplings, they're not as good as yours, but I remembered what you taught me. I never forgot."
"I know," she replied cheerfully. "You're such a good son. I'm so proud of who you've become."
Shen Zechuan’s tears overflowed and slid down his face. Hua Pingting's form had gone incorporeal again, so she couldn’t hold him through it. Instead, he leaned into Xiao Chiye’s embrace, never once taking his eyes off of her.
"It's an honor to meet you," Xiao Chiye began.
"Oh, none of that formality," Hua Pingting said, waving off his words. "You promise to protect and cherish Chuan-er forever and ever and all that?"
"Yes," Xiao Chiye replied, deeply serious and earnest. "With my life. Always."
"Yeah, yeah, I already knew that," she said, but her smile was still pleased.
She knelt down in front of Shen Zechuan, and they talked and talked. He told her all about the small family he had built up with Xiao Chiye; about the silly things their subordinates got up to; about Ji Gang pestering him to sleep and eat.
“Good,” she said, her eyes soft. “Good.”
After an hour, her form had become completely transparent. She stood up, looking at the stars waking up outside. Ji Mu nodded at her.
“Ah, our time is up, ” Hua Pingting leaned close to Shen Zechuan, eyes crinkling with the force of her smile. “I love you, my little Chuan-er. I'll visit when I can. Even if you can't see me, I'll still be here.”
“My dream was always to see you as happy as you are now. Thank you for making my dream come true.”
She kissed him on the forehead as her form faded. The touch didn’t make contact, but Shen Zechuan closed his eyes, remembering how her gentle touch used to feel. And even when he opened his eyes and saw she was gone, he was still surrounded by warmth.