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"I really fragging hate these Earth holidays."
"Two out of three of me agree with ju," Blitzwing muttered, wincing as Slipstream blew out yet another metal horn and filled the entire common room with a 'festive' screech. Megatron was too wasted to stop her, placing high grade laced kisses over her neck as she sat firmly in his lap. Starscream had passed out breems ago, to the delight of everyone, and Lugnut was knocking back the drink by the barrelfull, to the fear and jealousy of everyone that wasn't techno-organic.
Blitzwing might have partaken in the celebration just to end his cynical suffering, if it didn't mean Random would take over the entire evening and he'd have to sleep on the floor outside Blackie's quarters for the second stellar cyle in a row. Even so the digits on his left servo were aching to just hold a glass, twitching and rubbing together hard enough to turn the paint into a flaky mess that scattered over his knees. The only thing saving his right hand from a similar fate was how hard they clamped onto Blackie's, keeping them both anchored to the couch and to each other in the sea of intoxicated madness that was the Decepticons at Christmas.
"Remind me again why we couldn't just spend the evening in our berth," Blackarachnia asked through gritted denta, klicks away from biting through her bondmate's servo if it meant escaping Lugnut's drunken reindition of 'Rusty the Red Nosed Rivetdeer'.
"Even svimming in high grade Megatron will notice our absence, and ve're not exactly the most trusted of his army," Blitzwing explained bitterly. "Took me long enough to convince him I vasn't involved in last year's grand 'replace all his armour polish with mud' scheme.'"
Despite their situation Blackarachnia couldn't help smiling at the emerging memory of Megatron tracking dirt all around the Nemesis in a search for Starscream- the obvious prime suspect. Then after the Seeker had been placed in the med-bay Megatron was intent on digging up the other culprits, turning his attention to Blitzwing's least desirable side. He never did manage to choke a confession out of Random though, and Blitz still refused to say if he actually did have anything to do with it.
In a way, the whole stubborn mystery was one of the reasons Blackarachnia finally chose to bond with him.
Seeing the edge of something dangling off his helm and rattling in the casual vent of his breath though, she was instantly reminded of all the reasons it took so long in the first place.
"What on Cybertron is that?" At first Blitzwing didn't know what she was talking about, until she leaned over to jab him in the crest.
"Ah, zat. Some kind of silly Earth plant, 'mistletoe' or something just as bland." He sighed and kept blowing up at it, clearly determined to dislodge it in the most ineffective way possible.
"And why don't you just pick it off?" She didn't know why she asked when the answer would no doubt be something idiotic.
"Earlier today Random got a hold of Shockvave's new industrial strength sealing resin, and decided to test it out." Just as she expected. She rolled her optics and took matters into her own hands- or rather, took the offending fern into her free hand and tried to yank it off.
When that didn't work, she tried grabbing with both hands and strained hard, eventually giving up after half a klick. Then she noticed her hands still stuck to the damn thing when her servos didn't hit against the cough as she was expecting. The ache in both them and her helm amplified ten fold, and she hissed air through denta and vents.
"Blitzwing... did he spray it all over the-"
"Now ju see why I didn't vant to touch it," the mech said in a sing-song tone, trying to hide an amused smile. Luckily Blackarachnia was too consumed by her own frustration to notice it,
"Oh, shut up and get us over to Shockwave. Primus knows he's the only one who'd still be holed up in his quarters." Blitzwing knew better than to argue, gathering her frame in his servos and holding her to his chest as he made for the common room doorway, leaving the undisturbed atmosphere of the party behind them.
Wrapped in the soothing silence of the rest of the ship, a thought floated from wherever Random's processor resided and was hesitantly let through Blitzwing's vocaliser past the persistent smile.
"Well, I've heard of holidays bringing bots together, but this is just ridicu-"
"SHUT UP!"