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“I know the pride parade is cancelled this year, but we can still celebrate together…if you want that is.”
Buck turns around in the locker room at work, to see Eddie, a nervous look on his face and his hands wringing in front of him as he asks the question. His eyes are darting away, before flickering back to Buck’s face and then diving away again, like he’s nervous and scared. Buck hates him like this, and before he can overthink he steps forward. “Yeah, I’d like that,” he says.
Eddie smiles, thankful and beautiful. “Great,” he says, and his voice is hoarser than before. “Christopher has so many plans, he’s excited. It’ll be great.”
He claps Buck on the shoulder, before leaving him alone and Buck takes a minute to recentre his equilibrium.
Eddie is…Eddie is his best friend and his partner in more than one way. He knows Eddie loves him, he also knows that Eddie has never made any indication that Buck should feel awkward about that. But there’s the underlying feeling that they’re heading towards something, something more than what they already have and Buck is feeling both excited and apprehensive.
He’s been researching things and talking to Taylor. Taylor, who kissed him once after Eddie had been shot and then took a look at him on their first coffee date and told him that she thought they were better off as friends as his heart obviously belonged to someone else. Someone who was lying in bed, hurt, in pain and alone and whom Buck had been waiting to go back to. He’d protested. Eddie and he were just best friends. Nothing more.
And then Eddie had come out and admitted his feelings and they’d made Buck think hard too. Taylor had pointed out that he’d never really thought Eddie was available, but now he is and he’s made his feelings clear, Buck knows he’s an option. Eddie’s never tried to do anything with him, not like that, he’s been so respectful and wonderful and incredible. But that declaration changed things.
Buck tried to label himself, tried to work out why he’d never realised he’s always had a crush on Eddie, even if he’d convinced himself it was just brotherly love. He’s always loved Eddie, but he’s never realised how close he was to being in love with Eddie, not until Taylor pointed things out to him, with an almost wry smile on her face. They’d looked up things, queerplatonic relationships, sexuality identifications, things that Buck hasn’t even been aware of before. He’s not sure where he fits into things, but all he knows is Eddie. Eddie makes him happy. He wants to be with Eddie all the time. And he feels more than friendship for him.
But he’s not sure what he wants to do about it yet.
Eddie’s been patient and perfect and wonderful. Nothing’s changed, except Buck’s realisation. But Pride, asking him to come and celebrate Pride with the Diaz boys, is a step forward. One that Buck wants more than he’s willing to admit to himself.
There's still time to plan things. The big parade may be cancelled due to Covid, but they can have yard parties and so they arrange for a 118 party at Eddie’s, with decorations and cake. Buck’s still partly living at Eddie’s even though he’s healed and so he’s roped in as a host as well. Christopher is over the moon, sorting out his outfit and the food and the party games and Buck loves him so much that it’s easy to help him plan. It’s not so easy to avoid the dark eyes and beautiful face of Eddie, watching him with a smile on his face as he helps Christopher.
He loves him so much. He just wants to be able to tell him without being scared of admitting things.
The day of The Pride Party dawns, and it’s a beautiful day. Buck makes breakfast, pancakes with chocolate chips and strawberries and syrup and then they all split up to get changed. Buck’s ready first, in his chinos and shirt, and so he sits on the sofa to wait for his boys. Eddie’s helping Christopher, and he can hear them talking and Christopher’s giggling as he gets changed. Christopher comes into the lounge, wearing a rainbow T-shirt and jeans, his crutches decorated with many ribbons of all colours and with the biggest smile on his face.
“Are you looking forward to the party, Buck?” he asks as he climbs onto Buck’s lap and hugs him.
Buck still can’t get over how both of them have just accepted him as part of their family, how Eddie made him legal guardian of this amazing person, how he finally has the family he’s always wanted. He lets Chris sink into his lap and holds him close, hiding his sudden rush of emotions in his hair. “I am,” he says. “So much.”
“Daddy is too,” Christopher confides in him, touching his cheek fondly. “He’s so happy you’re here, he smiles so much when you’re around.”
It’s not news to Buck, but it makes his heart leap anyway. The confirmation that Eddie enjoys having him around is always so sweet. It just adds to the feelings bubbling up inside Buck’s chest. “I’m happy when I’m with you too,” he settles on saying.
He’s luckily interrupted from whatever mush that may have decided to fall out of his mouth by the sound of the doorbell. “Daddy!” Christopher shouts as he gets up.
“I’ll be out soon,” Eddie calls from his own room.
“I’ll sort it out,” Buck adds and he knows Eddie’s smiling by the tone of his voice when he calls a thank you back.
Hen and Karen are the first ones to arrive, Christopher squeals when he sees all the food they’ve brought with them and Denny too, of course. The boys go into the yard and Buck helps to start laying out the food. There’s a steady stream of visitors arriving, Maddie, Chim and Jee-Yun, Carla, Bobby, Athena, Harry, Michael and David, Josh and May will be coming later after their shift ends. Buck’s torn between helping set up the food and the BBQ and watching how happy the kids are playing in the yard.
He’s cuddling Jee-Yun, sitting next to Maddie in the yard whilst Bobby and Chim start up the BBQ. Hen is setting up the live feed for the Global Pride virtual event, projecting it onto a screen that Michael brought from work so they can see clearly. He’s heard Eddie, sorting the final things out in the house, bringing out the speakers for the Pride playlist they’ve sorted out for before the virtual parade starts, making sure the decorations are still hanging fine. But he’s not seen him up close since everyone arrived.
The thing is, Buck knows Eddie is attractive. He remembers hair, eyes and body from the very first moment they met. But he’s more than just a pretty outer shell. He’s been hurt so many times in his life and yet he’s still the best person Buck knows. And so he can’t help the way his heart rate quickens and his breathing hitches when Eddie steps outside finally, looks around and finds where Buck is sitting.
He looks good, he’s wearing tight jeans and a rainbow T-shirt that matches Christopher’s but it’s the smile on his face, the way his eyes lighten and crinkle when he sees Buck that makes him almost radiant. He’s got something on his cheek, a smudge of colour that catches Buck’s eyes. And he stops when he sees Buck sitting with Jee-Yun cradled against his chest, his eyes turning darker and softer as he gazes from the back door.
Buck knows that Eddie is in love with him, from his words and the way he is around him, but this, this obvious affection radiating from him, is different. It makes Buck’s skin erupt in goosebumps, a shiver travelling down his spine. He’s sure of his feelings now, so, so sure. But that makes things even more scary, and he knows Eddie isn’t going to push him for anything until Buck is ready himself.
He avoids being alone with Eddie for a while, but he’s always drawn back to him magnetically. And so he finds himself sitting on some cushions on the floor, just before the parade starts on the big screen, with Eddie and Christopher next to him. Eddie’s knee is so close that Buck can feel the heat even through his own trousers and he’s staring straight ahead and Buck can count every one of those ridiculously long eyelashes and he just wants.
He clears his throat when Eddie turns to say something to him, pushing the rising desire down. He can’t, not now, not until he’s sure he wants this forever because he knows that’s what it will be. He can’t risk their relationship for a quick hook up. Whatever he was going to say dies in his throat as he sees what Eddie has on his cheek, up close. “What are these?”
Eddie turns his face fully so Buck can see clearly. “Flags,” he says and his voice is so low and sure of himself.
Buck doesn’t recognise them, but he’s drawn to them inexplicably, to the man who is wearing the colours proudly. Eddie reaches for his hand, his own shaking slightly as he brings Buck’s closer to his cheek. “You can touch,” he rasps.
Buck lets his fingers stroke over the soft skin, the top flag with broad bands of pink, yellow and blue and the lower one with stripes of white, purple and grey and a black triangle at the left hand side. He wants to ask what they mean, what this means for Eddie, but he can’t bring himself to ask, not when Eddie’s eyes flutter shut as Buck strokes his cheek gently. He doesn’t want to do anything to break this moment between them.
Eddie opens his eyes as the music starts from the virtual parade and his gaze meets and holds Buck’s own. They speak volumes, of Eddie’s feelings, of how much affection and love he has for Buck, of how much he loves him.
Buck shuffles closer until he can rest his head against Eddie’s shoulder, smiling as Eddie inches his arm around his waist and pulls him closer, tilting their heads so they can sit and watch comfortably as the parade starts. Christopher snuggles closer in between both of them. They may not be a couple yet, but they are definitely on their way to being something and Buck feels so much excitement at what is to come. He can’t wait.