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"You really shouldn't have said that."
How many times had he said that to himself?
In the time he had known Mobius, Loki had changed a lot, not to please him, but because Mobius had shown him that he could be anyone he wanted to be.
However, the desire to be accepted and to prove his worth had been ingrained in Loki for a long time, and Loki knew that sometimes he tended to talk too much in order to overpower his interlocutor.
But there, he had bluntly yelled at Mobius in front of the whole team and even if his point was valid, he shouldn't have.
"You really shouldn't have said that."
Sylvie had caught him as he had left the office, after slamming the door. He had said he didn't care about Mobius, but both he and she knew he was lying to himself. It was precisely because he cared that he had become angry.
He had finally found a place where he was accepted and people who appreciated him as he was, with his flaws, people who encouraged him and made him want to be better. He had ruined it with a few words because of his misplaced pride. He had made it a personal matter when he had promised himself to always be professional when it came to his work, even if Mobius was involved.
"You really shouldn't have said that."
He had gone back to work, his face closed, and had done what he had to do without the spark that usually animated him while trying to avoid meeting Mobius as much as possible.
This was the first time since they had been together that they had had a real fight and Loki had never felt this kind of anxiety before, this time he had a lot to lose. He wasn't good at apologizing, but this time he wanted to show Mobius that he was as invested in their relationship as he was.
After turning several times in front of the door of their apartment, he finally decided to enter.
"So are you done sulking?"
Count on Mobius to attack first. Loki figured there weren't that many ways to handle the situation. He gathered his courage, took a breath, and began, with his head down, "I'm sor-"
A hand rested on his. "Wait, Loki... I'm the one who's sorry."
Loki gasped.
"Yes Loki, I'm sorry and I shouldn't have reacted like that to your suggestion. I have my own insecurities and unfortunately this time they kept me from being objective."
"I don't understand Mobius, what insecurities and what could I have said that awakened them?" asked Loki, puzzled and surprised at the turn the conversation was taking.
"Come on." replied Mobius as he led him to the couch before continuing, "We'll be more comfortable sitting."
They sat side by side on the couch, facing each other, Mobius' hand had not let go of Loki's.
"I've always felt a certain amount of pride since I can remember because I have a talent for strategy and a pretty smart mind. It may sound pretentious, but it's just that I'm aware of what my strengths are. Damn it! It's ridiculous but I owe you the truth. Having a lover like you is more than I could have ever expected in life. You're handsome, have extraordinary powers, you're young - on a human scale - and intelligent. So when-"
"Mobius no!"
"No, let me finish. I'm telling you how I felt, it doesn't mean that's what it is. So I was saying, when you came up with this strategy that was excellent, better than mine, I had this irrational thought, what did I have to offer you? I look ordinary, I have no powers, I'm older than you, so it's like I felt robbed of the one thing I'm good at. That's what it was all about. Your lover is an idiot filled with insecurities."
Loki laughed softly. Mobius, a little offended, wanted to let go of his hand, but Loki did not let him.
"I'm not making fun of you, or rather, I'm making fun of us. We're both insecure idiots, Mobius. We're both so desperate to impress the other and afraid of disappointing them that we reacted completely irrationally." He kissed Mobius's hand before continuing, "When you told me I could be whoever I wanted to be, that I could be a good person, you set the bar high, and when you reacted like that earlier, my old fears resurfaced, so instead of reacting calmly, I got carried away, because I felt like I wasn't measuring up to you."
It was Mobius' turn to nod, smiling with mock derision, "You're right, two idiots."
With his free hand, he pushed a strand of Loki's hair back behind his ear, and said softly, "This is something we'll both have to work on, but first of all, Loki I beg your forgiveness, sincerely, because whatever my insecurities were, I had no need to get carried away and refuse your strategy that was clearly better than mine. You should know that it is the one I chose to adopt and that the rest of the team is already working on it. Oh, and before you protest, this isn't to apologise but because it's the best choice."
Loki turned his head into Mobius' hand that had remained on his cheek and kissed its palm, then took it in his hand and snuggled up to Mobius, looping his arm around his shoulders.
He whispered, "You know, this is new to me."
"Hm?"
" Not to be blamed for something I said or did."
Mobius tightened his arm around him and replied, "I think we both have a lot to learn from each other, the most important thing being to talk."
Loki nodded his head against Mobius' chest and they stayed like that for a few moments in silence, enjoying the newfound peace.
Then Loki stood up and repeated Mobius' last words, "Yes, the important thing is to talk, and that's the point..."
He stood up and pushed Mobius away, preventing him from getting up and said, "Stay here a few more minutes and when I call you, come join me in the bedroom!"
Then without giving him time to answer, he almost bounced to their room.
Mobius obeyed, too tired to protest. He heard rustling coming from the bathroom cabinets, but he did not try to find out what his lover's latest whim was.
"Mobius! You can come now!" Loki called to him.
He headed for the room. The lights in the hallway were off, making the faint glow emanating from the room more than a little obvious. He couldn't hold back a gasp as he entered the room.
Candles adorned every surface, their soft light giving the room a warm, comfortable atmosphere.
Loki was standing next to the bed with a sweet smile on his lips and his eyes sparkling with love.
Mobius just raised an eyebrow.
Loki approached him and said gently, "You said that we both have to learn from each other and that the important thing is to talk. From what you said about you when comparing yourself to me, I realized that I must not have told you enough or shown you enough how amazing I think you are. So tonight I'm going to tell you and show you." He made a big emphatic gesture towards the bed
Mobius laughed a little embarrassed and amused at the same time. This was all so Loki. His Loki. The man he loved.
He replied with a smile, "I'll just have to comply then..."
He was about to remove his shirt, but Loki grabbed his wrists, shook his head and said softly, "Let me do it."
Mobius just nodded.
Loki released Mobius' wrists, sliding his hands over his muscular chest, and began to unbutton Mobius' shirt, not hiding his admiration, murmuring in admiration at each piece of skin revealed. Mobius did not find anything special in this part of his body and could not understand Loki's fascination.
As if he had read his mind, Loki said softly, "It's perfect for me," running a light finger over a scar Mobius had on his right hip and continuing, "A mark of courage. How can you not find it gorgeous?" The tone of his voice made it seem like the most obvious thing in the world, making Mobius' heart clenching.
When the shirt was finally removed, Loki ran his fingers through the hair on Mobius' chest and sighed with contentment.
"You don't mind if I undress you completely? It will make things easier." Loki looked at him with those begging eyes he knew Mobius could not resist.
Once his pants and underwear were off, he pulled Loki to him for a quick kiss, trying to hide his feeling of vulnerability.
Loki, who was not fooled, smiled tenderly at him and led him to the bed, where he made him lie on his stomach. Mobius took a deep breath and relaxed, feeling safe in the hands of his lover. He heard the sound of a bottle being opened, then Loki straddled his bare bottom. He felt a little too vulnerable to feel truly aroused, but the intimacy of Loki's presence on him gave him a comforting feeling.
Loki's gentle hands began to make slow, gentle circles on his shoulder blades. He moaned in bliss and soon became like a ball of clay in Loki's skilled hands. Gradually, he became aware only of himself and Loki's hands on him. Hands that tracked down every knot and strain in his back, until there were none left. Mobius couldn't remember when he hadn't been relaxed like this, maybe never.
" Would you mind turning around, love?"
Mobius complied. Loki smiled at him and began to work on his shoulders in the same way he had on his back. Mobius closed his eyes and let himself go, completely relaxed. Then the pressure became lighter and Loki traced Mobius' scars with his fingertips.
Then he said softly, as if in awe, "Mobius, do you know how beautiful you are?
Mobius, not expecting this, blushed slightly and nearly choked, unable to believe what Loki was saying.
Loki slid his hands lower, rubbing tender circles on Mobius' belly and continued, "Don't you realize what a present you are making me by letting me see you like this?"
He moved his hand to caress the slight curve of her belly, "Everything in you is beautiful, even the things you find unattractive. Every imperfection that you think you have... are not imperfections in my eyes, since I love everything about you, love."
Mobius didn't know why, but he felt tears start to flow and he tries to hold them back, not ready to be so exposed to Loki.
But he couldn't hide it from Loki, who leaned over and kissed each of Mobius' eyelids as he whispered, "Everything about you... your strength, your courage, your passion, your determination, your skin, your hands, your eyes, your face, your scars, the wrinkles you think you have, even your tears, I love it all."
Mobius raised his free hand and pulled Loki to him, unable to stop himself from kissing him any longer.
After a few moments, Loki lifted his head and his eyes into Mobius's, whispered against his lips, "Everything you said earlier, I want you to forget, because I want you to be able to see yourself as I see you."
"Loki..."
He drew Loki's head to his chest and kissed his hair, hugging him tightly, too overwhelmed to say anything. It would still take time for him to see himself through Loki's eyes, just as it would take time for Loki to see himself as Mobius saw him. But both were there to remind the other of their worth. And though time was the focus of their work, they had all the time in the world to convince each other of that.
"I love you."