Archive of Our Own

Life is a funny, weird, unfathomable thing, Jimin comes to fully realise one day. As far as platitudes go, this one is pretty bland yet it holds true because it’s one that every person arrives to at some point in their lives. Jimin is one of the fortunate souls who’s had to ponder this very fact many times over, but perhaps the most shocking moment for him is when he comes back from another successful worldwide tour and finds himself alone in his big apartment in Seoul.

He can’t sleep, is the thing. He hasn’t been sleeping well for a while now; something lurking in the shadows of his mind that he can’t seem to grasp. So he stays awake and thinks about how he ended up here, now. He started dancing one day, as a hobby, as a way to express himself and be something other than honour student, class president Jimin. Then dancing -performing - became his favourite thing in the world and out of that was born a passion that would one day lead him to BigHit's doors.

From then on, his life became sweat, sleepless nights and cameras. Everywhere Jimin turned there was a camera waiting for him, ready to catch every flaw, every mistake, and every tear. He was just a kid and it felt like the only way he could survive the next five years of his life, with his shoulders high and his heart with as little holes as possible, was to keep working.

So, Jimin kept working. He worked day in and day out, learned to charm the cameras and accept love as graciously as possible. He worked at being a good son, a good brother and a good friend. He worked very hard at being Bangtan Sonyeondan’s Jimin; cutie, sexy and lovely. He worked on his stamina, his pitch, his cadence,and learned to give new,  thoughtful and interesting answers to questions he’s heard dozens of times.

Jimin grew as an artist and as a person, if he does say so himself. (That, too, he worked hard at admitting out loud and recognising it as true.)

He’s achieved every goal he set for himself. He literally reached for the stars and got the sun. Yet, after their military service, after their comeback tour and their new album promotion, he finds himself itching again. Not to go, not to chase after yet another immeasurable dream; but rather for companionship.

For years companionship meant bangtan. It was these six other men who watched him grow older, held him together and became his family. For years, that’s all he thought he needed, that’s all he allowed himself to want. He tosses and turns at night and slowly he comes to realise that he’s gotten so used to being Jimin part of the seven legged musical titan that took every chart by storm… he sort of forgot to be Park Jimin; the person.

He forgot that when he was a teenager, he would dream about kissing boys and girls and going on dates and making memories with them. He used to think about growing old with someone, sharing a home with them, having pets and maybe one day children. And, to some extent, being BTS’ Jimin allowed him to experience sharing a home and having people to rely on. Perhaps without even realising it, he allowed himself to settle into that reality because even though it wasn’t what he expected when he was younger, it was still good. It was better in a lot of ways.

When he became a trainee, Jimin understood that one of the big cons about being an idol would be to kiss his love life goodbye. At least, if he really wanted to make it. For contractual reasons but also because he wanted to fully focus on his career and making this band work. He wanted so badly for them to work out and make it.

Fast forward ten years. Bangtan became what many now call legends, the seven of them have all done their military service and they travelled the world for another tour after the release of their comeback album. Now, they've decided to take a year off to focus on their personal lives and other solo projects or simply rest. 

Jimin finds himself alone for the first time in his life and, even though he used to crave sleep like a soldier craved home, he can’t sleep. He isn’t just alone for a weekend or for a break in between comebacks. No. He’s really alone and he will be for the foreseeable future. He has his own flat, his own pets, his own life and it's just... empty. Like an echo. 

It keeps him up at night thinking how strange life is that even a man like himself can find himself lost and yearning. 

After a couple of weeks of solitude that he tries to fill with long walks, reading and seeing old friends, Taehyung comes to visit one night with Tannie in tow. He’s been with his family since they came back from tour and although they’ve texted on and off, Jimin knows that family time is sacred for Taehyung. He decided not to burden him with his personal inner turmoil.

That is until Taehyung comes back. The moment he sees his dear, familiar face, it all pours out of him like a torrent. Jimin is a upset because he missed his best friend more than he realised but also because there's this new yearning gap in his heart and he doesn't know what to do about it.

He spills it all out. A jumbled mess of words, tinted with self deprecation and hidden worries that Taehyung picks up on easily.

"You could try dating," Taehyung throws it out there and Jimin just stares at him like he spoke a foreign language.

In a way, Taehyung did speak in another tongue because dating, love, couples... that's not something Jimin is familiar with. For almost eleven years now, it's only been him, the band and army. Nothing else really mattered. Nothing else could matter; it had no place in Jimin’s ultra-scheduled life.

Of course, he's thought about dating in the past but it was just something he was going to do... later. When he made it. When he had time. When the press (korean and international) wasn't on his ass and waiting for a dating scandal. It used to be a thing he dreamed of like he dreamed of the stage, of winning trophies and awards and touring the world. Then it became more and more abstract as the years passed and as bachelorhood settled in. Truth be told, he didn't really need anyone. He had his family. He had his friends. He had bangtan. He had his fans.

He had Taehyung.

It's not like he was lacking in affection or love or even sex. there was always someone (or more) to give a helping hand. It was easy, comfortable, and fun. It was good.

But now he's alone with his heart, with a body that's too used to being held, to being seen, to being loved.

The truth is, it’s not really something he worried about or even thought about that much. Now, he has time and opportunities and motivation but he’s got nowhere to start.

"Date?" He repeats, throat dry.

"Yeah. Like. Go do something with someone else, find things you agree on and that makes kissing them less of a mistake than you will end up thinking it was," Taehyung teases gently. 

Jimin smiles. Barely. "Are you... dating?" He doesn't know why the thought is unpleasant. He doesn't understand why it makes his chest feel tight.

Taehyung looks at him for a long moment, his face blank. His eyes chase something over Jimin's face before they turn away from him. He crosses his arms and sniffs.

"Haven't... really tried. Hyungsik has a couple of candidates in mind for me but," he shrugs and gives a lopsided smile.

"Yeah," Jimin sighs, feeling looser now; a strange sense of relief coursing through him and making his words come easier. "I wouldn't just be putting myself out there. I'd be putting out Park Jimin. And with no experience at that. It's... scary."

"It would be easier if..." Taehyung pauses and looks at him with something different... something new dancing in his eyes. "If we had experience. With someone we know."

"Someone we trust," Jimin adds, heart suddenly beating faster.

“Someone safe,” Taehyung adds, turning to look at him fully. They stare at each other for a moment as silence falls over them. Until Jimin snorts.

"We're not seriously suggesting...."

"Hahaha. Yeaaaah... nah, that'd be ridiculous," Taehyung concurs with a shake of his head. Jimin swallows rather harshly. Their forced laughter pitters out. 

"Although..." Jimin starts.

"It would make sense," Taehyung finishes.

"We wouldn't have to worry about the press." Jimin points out.

Taehyung nods vehemently. "They'd assume we’re just friends catching up."

"It'd  be like practice!"

"Right? Exactly! Like learning something new!"

"Together!"

"In a safe way!"

" Yes !"

They're holding each other's hands now - Jimin can’t remember how it happened - and grinning excitedly, mirrors as always.

"Park Jimin, will you be my dating buddy?"

"Kim Taehyung, I thought you'd never ask."

Taehyung squeezes his hand, an excited tilt to his lips and it helps put Jimin at ease, put his worries aside and focus on this. Unexpectedly, Taehyung presented him with the perfect solution to his current problem and while a part of him knows this has potential to be disastrous, another (surer) part knows that anything he starts with Taehyung can only lead to good things. 

It’s a fact of Jimin’s life that has yet to be proven wrong so Jimin relies on it and quizzes Taehyung’s hand back. 

That night, Jimin slips into bed and stares at the ceiling marvelling at the weird feeling dancing in his chest. Something akin to excitement and eagerness. He wonders if getting asked out by a stranger would feel like this. He dismisses the thought. Taehyung is safe. Easy. Familiar.

He gets a text from Taehyung a moment later.

Saturday at 11. I have the perfect 1st date idea. 

Be ready on time, you sloth. Love you

Yeah. Safe.

~*~

The rest of the week passes by in strange bursts of fast, following languid periods of quiet nerves. He tries to keep himself busy and not to think about what’s coming this weekend but the more he tries the less he manages.He’s going on a date. With Taehyung. Granted, it’s just to practice and learn the tricks of the trade but it’s still pretty huge. Because after practice comes the real thing and Jimin feels like he could burst out of his skin just at the thought of it: is he going to be good at it? Will he actually find love? Can he entertain an actual relationship? Meet new people and make them love him, not Jimin of Bangtan Sonyeondan? These questions loop in his mind constantly but every time they get the best of him, he remembers that he gets to have a practice run with Taehyung and that they’ll be able to discuss these things along the way. He’s glad he has Taehyung as a sort of sounding board. He wonders how Taehyung feels about it all. He hopes he’s as excited and eager as Jimin is. 

Eventually Saturday morning arrives and Jimin is so excited that he wakes up forty-five minutes before his alarm.

Getting ready is a strange affair. He takes a shower and  does his morning skin routine while listening to his favourite playlist as per usual, but faced with the task of choosing an outfit, Jimin suddenly falters.

He has absolutely no idea what to wear and feels supremely put off about it.

Taehyung hasn't given him any indication regarding the dress code. Also, and this might be what’s really stomping him: he's never been on a date. He’s never had to dress for a date. It's a weird thing to realise at nearly 30: what do people wear on dates? Even if they’re just pretend dates with their best friend.

In the end he settles for something casually elegant and spends more time and effort on his hair and makeup, hoping that will be enough. All along, giddy nerves dance under his skin and make his hands shake ever so slightly as he applies his foundation. 

Taehyung arrives right on time and Jimin looks at himself in the mirror. He grins at his reflection and tries not to run to the door. Taehyung has the code to his door and could easily have let himself in but he actually rings the bell and waits for Jimin to open the door.

When he does, his breath catches in his throat and the grin slowly slips off his face as he takes Taehyung in.

Now, they've known each other for over a decade. Jimin has seen Taehyung in every version of himself: teenage slob, dressed to the nines for award shows and draped in the most gorgeous silk for fashion photoshoots.

Jimin knows that Taehyung is beautiful. It's kind of an unavoidable fact of life. But three days ago when Taehyung dropped by his apartment and they came up with their ridiculous idea to practice-date, he was wearing old shorts with holes in them, a flannel shirt that used to belong to Yoongi that had definitely seen better days and his hair was greasy.

Today, he's wearing a linen shirt that flows over his frame like a cloud, brown slacks that make his legs look longer than they already are and he clearly put effort in his hair and makeup. He also has a bouquet of roses that he extends towards him.

He did all this for Jimin.

Jimin stares, dumfounded, on shaky grounds.

This was supposed to be safe, easy. He was supposed to be able to find his words and joke with Taehyung without worrying about sounding like a moron. But here he stands, speechless and star struck.

Taehyung grins at him, sweet and impish at the same time.

"Hello. You look lovely, Jimin-ssi," he says, eyes twinkling mischievously. Jimin can't help but laugh, surprised and charmed all at once.

"Jimin-ssi?" he asks, finally moving to accept the roses.

Taehyung's smile softens.

"Well, this is our first date. I wouldn't dare presume familiarity," he says, tone teasingly gentle.

Jimin laughs. "What will you do to win over the privilege?"

"Well, woo you, of course," Taehyung's replies, tone steady but there's a quiet determination in his expression that makes Jimin blush. He hides his face by burying his nose in the roses and inhaling deeply. There are butterflies fluttering in his belly.

"Are you sure you need the practice?" He asks ruefully.

Taehyung pouts. "Aish, Jimin-ah," he whispers conspiratorially, finally breaking the suave facade. "Stay in character!"

"Right, right. sorry," he giggles before clearing his throat. "These are beautiful, Taehyung-ssi. Thank you," he says sincerely. Taehyung's smile turns warm with just a hint of shyness. "Would you like to come in while I put these in a vase?"

Taehyung nods and follows him inside

"You have a lovely home," Taehyung says with a put upon air, looking around his open space living room like it’s actually the first time he’s been here. Jimin suppresses a giggle. 

"Thank you," he says, biting down on a smile. "I'll be right back," he adds hurrying to the kitchen. 

Taehyung watches him go. Jimin knows because he keeps looking back.

"Actually," he says a few moments later when he comes back with his vase of roses. He puts them on his coffee table and tries not to laugh when Taehyung preens. "My best friend helped me decorate it. He's got great taste," Jimin says conversationally.

Taehyung squints at him.

"Should I be worried?" he asks with a patented Taehyung look, arched brow, square jaw and all.

"About?" he asks. If he puts a hint of challenge in it nobody has to know but Taehyung. It's all for the game after all. 

For practice.

"This best friend... is he a threat?"

Jimin narrows his eyes. 

"Is this really first date talk?" He asks, taking a step forward. "After all, you have yet to prove yourself worthy of my time, let alone my secrets," he says, tone sweet but eyes intent on Taehyung.

Taehyung leans forward, bringing his face close to his.

"Give it time, Lovely," he says before leaning away and stepping back.

Jimin swallows, heart beating faster suddenly.

Taehyung makes his way towards the hallway and when Jimin doesn't immediately follow, he turns and tilts his head.

"You coming?"

Jimin takes a fortifying breath, clears his throat and joins him. The urge to take his hand is so ingrained in him, so familiar that he falters when he makes the conscious decision not to take it. 

People on first dates don't hold hands. He thinks. Maybe. He’s not sure. This is confusing.

"Where are we going?" He asks to distract himself from his own jumbled thoughts.

Taehyung grins at him, clearly giddy. "Brunch," he says with a wink.

Jimin finally allows himself to laugh as he follows him out of the door. Outside, Taehyung's Hyundai is waiting for them.

"Nice car," Jimin says. "You must have a good job."

Taehyung snorts. "Would you believe me if I said I sold my body to the art of dance when I was seventeen?" Taehyung asks as he rounds the car.

"You have the legs for it," Jimin shoots with a smirk.

Taehyung whistles, approval lighting up his eyes. "Now, that's flirting," he says as he unlocks the car. “Well done, Jimin-ah,” he adds.

Jimin laughs but he thinks to himself that he wasn't even trying to flirt. He settles in the car and shakes off the thought.

"I was serious by the way," Taehyung picks up the conversation once they've slithered into traffic. 

"About?" distracted from inspecting Taehyung's car. Jimin still has these moments sometimes where he realises they're on break. No one is waiting on them, there are no more cameras, no makeup artist running after them, no drivers, no bodyguards, no crowds.

Just them and their cars. Alone. It’s usually a wonderful reprieve but right now, it makes his skin itch with unbidden nerves.

"You look lovely," Taehyung says. His eyes flick from the road to Jimin's face, as if making sure Jimin knows he means it.

Jimin laughs, overwhelmed. "God."

Taehyung smiles. "Aren't you going to return the compliment?"

"Oh please," Jimin rolls his eyes. "Like you don't know," he shakes his head.

Taehyung comes to a stop at a red light and turns innocent eyes on Jimin. "Know what?"

Jimin feels suddenly exposed, naked on stage with every spotlight turned on him.

"How you look," he says, hanging on to his composure by a thread. 

Taehyung's fingers play a beat on the steering wheel as he stares at them. He swallows and Jimin can't look away from him, his neck, his profile, his fingers.

"Maybe," he says, eyes finding Jimin's. "Maybe I want to hear it from you,” his tone is gentle, rather matter of fact but his eyes. Oh, his sweet eyes. Honey and tenderness. A plea.

Jimin has always been bad at denying Taehyung.

"You look like." Jimin pauses, searches his mind for the words that could do him justice. "Like a dream coming true. Like you stepped right out of an ancient painting. A benevolent God rudely awoken by mere mortals, blessing them with a blink of your eyelashes. You look... good," he finishes shortly, making himself stop before his words get the best of him.

Taehyung stares at him, lips parted and Jimin wonders if he should go on. He barely scratched the surface but then again he's spent the last decade showering Taehyung with praise every chance he got. Hell, when the chance didn't present itself, he created it. This shouldn't be different. This shouldn't matter. It's all pretend. It's just them. It's Taehyung and Jimin.

And yet . Taehyung is watching him like it is different, like it matters. Like he's been waiting for something exactly like this.

"Thank you," he says, that same shy smile playing at the corner of his lips. A sight so familiar it should barely register but somehow it toes over the lines of Jimin's heart, catches, trips and falls into a hole there. 

"You're welcome," he smiles.

The light turns green. They drive on.

Jimin is surprised when they finally reach their destination. Not that he’s thought about it a lot over the years, but one thing he knows for sure is that Taehyung is a romantic. On more than one occasion, he’s ranted to the group and their staff about the kind of boyfriend he would be and it always included a variation of Grand Gestures. 

Jimin doesn’t know what he expected for their first outing but he wasn’t expecting... this . His surprise must show because Taehyung is quick to explain.

"After we came back from the service, when we had to readjust to life as idols and return to normal, I used to walk around a lot at night, just wandering from place to place, getting a feel of the city again," he says as they settle at their corner table, in a small bakery in the heart of hearts of Seoul. A treasure in the middle of their concrete jungle. "One night, I walked for so long that the sun rose. A couple of hours later I found this place. Ever since then, I always thought it'd be the perfect spot for a casual first date, you know?"

Jimin feels suddenly bad for doubting Taehyung’s thought process and even worse for the pleased thrill that courses through him at the implication. 

"Oh, Taehyung-ah. we could've gone somewhere else! You didn't have to waste this place on me," Jimin says.

He stole something from Taehyung without even realising it.

Taehyung's expression shifts into something cold and guarded. "Who says I'm wasting anything?"

"But Tae-," he tries.

"Jimin. I'm here because I want to be. No moment spent with you, no matter the circumstances, is wasted." He grabs the laminated menu and stares at Jimin over it. "You can take off your mask, the staff is discreet and I rented the place for the day,” he instructs casually while Jimin’s heartbeat malfunctions over both statements. 

"What!?! You rented this place?"

"Jimin-ssi, tell me about yourself," Taehyung expertly sidesteps Jimin's outraged surprise. He puts the menu down and leans his chin on his hand. "What does a pretty boy like you do to busy his days?"

Jimin fumbles for a moment, his mind still on renting a whole bakery just for this ridiculous almost-date. He wants to get back on track but Taehyung is more stubborn than he ever was and he clearly intends to go back to his initial plan.

Which was: to woo him.

No. Pretend to woo him. So they could start dating. Other people. 

Right.

He - no, they were here to learn together. To make this easier when it happens for real. So, Jimin shakes his confusion off and smiles at Taehyung as charmingly and as earnestly as he knows how. That's always been easy. 

"Well, right now I'm on sabbatical for a year," he says.

"That's so strange, me too!" Taehyung grins.

"Perfect timing," Jimin laughs. "I've been working really hard ever since I was a kid and I always thought that once I made it, I could finally... you know, enjoy life."

Taehyung nods, smile softening. "Yeah. You work and you work and you work and you try so hard to reach that point where you won't have to work as much but then when you get there, it's just you."

Jimin nods, mulling over the words he's been thinking for weeks now. "Exactly. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade the life I had for anything else," he says with a conspiratorial wink.

Taehyung grins cheekily back. "Me neither."

"It's been..." Jimin smiles, feeling bittersweet. Missing the ebb and flow of their tightly scheduled life a little already. "It was more than I ever dared to dream for. I met so many great people, my second family," he pauses and gives Taehyung a soft smile. "I met my best friend but now I'm grown; I’m supposed to be able to handle things. Except I don't know how that happened or what I'm supposed to do with everything I am."

There's so much baggage, so many jagged edges, so many memories, so many versions of himself that he carries like badges of honour or, sometimes, like a cross. He doesn't know how to share that with someone new.

He smiles and shakes his head, offering an apology. "This isn't really 1st casual date talk, I'm sorry," he laughs and picks up the menu Taehyung discarded earlier. 

Casual. The word resonates in his head and it sounds so absurd to him. Not only because, whatever Taehyung and Jimin are to each other, there was never anything casual about it. You hardly slap the label Soulmate on someone if you think it's temporary. But laughable also because he doubts that anyone who spends even one moment of their time with Taehyung wouldn't keep coming back for more.

"I think it's nice actually," Taehyung says. "Refreshing to have open and honest conversations. Lay it all out, you know. Plus, I understand. I've been pretty career oriented for the past ten years and even though I quite like socialising, finding earnest people has been hard."

Jimin almost shivers at the thought; one of the members caught in a dating scandal because he trusted the wrong person. It's something they've all been too aware of and that has kept them awake at night more than once. 

"Dating? In this economy?" Jimin jokes.

Taehyung grins. "Yeah, it doesn't help that I'm a hopeless romantic and that I have... this ideal person I always sort of imagined myself with," Taehyung says, his tone strangely measured.

Jimin scrunches his nose. "I imagine it would be quite hard to compete with a fantasy," he laughs but Taehyung's answering smile barely reaches his eyes.

"Yeah," he whispers, looking down at the baby blue table cloth. 

"Tell me about this ideal type," Jimin asks, suddenly desperate to bring Taehyung’s gaze and smile back on him. 

It works, Taehyung looks back up and bites on his lower lip. "Ask me another time," he replies, gaze steady, as if daring him. 

"Alright," Jimin says with a shrug. He looks down at his menu and waits a couple of beats before asking again, "Tell me about your ideal type." Taehyung gives him a look. "What? This is technically another time," he laughs.

Taehyung throws his napkin at his face but it barely grazes his cheek. "You think you're so funny, huh?"

Jimin pretends to think about that. "Uh, yeah. Scientific studies have shown that I'm delightful."

Taehyung shakes his head. "Scientific studies," he sighs. 

"It's true, I'm awesome. Some people even say I'm Beyoncé's legitimate son," Jimin can barely hold on to his snort.

"Oh my god, not this again," Taehyung groans and mentions for one of the lovely waitresses to come get their order. 

Jimin' giggles all the way through his order. 

The rest of the date goes as it started. Conversation flowing between them easily, falling in and out off their admittedly thin scripts, putting their imaginary persona on and off. They eat a lot of food, they laugh even more. At some point Jimin slides one of his feet between Taehyung's and Taehyung fumbles through the rest of his sentence, almost choking on the bagel he's eating.

Jimin feels quite proud of himself. 

It's easy. It's good. They leave the bakery around three, after having generously compensated the staff, taken lots of pictures, and signed too many photocards and albums. Jimin knows of a park nearby and not really wanting the date to end, he asks Taehyung if he wants to go for a walk with him. He accepts and so they spend the rest of the afternoon walking the trails, the backs of their hands brushing every so often. They keep talking, finding new things to share.

But that's easy, too. They're Jimin and Taehyung; there will never be an end to their conversations, even the quiet ones. 

Jimin thinks, despite how amazing he feels, that this is all pointless. No matter how much they pretend, there's always going to be a lifetime worth of stories between them. Taehyung is his safest place, his anchor, his compass -

Well... his everything, really. He'll never connect that easily or that well with anyone else. Especially not someone new. 

Just before the sun sets, Taehyung drives Jimin home. They park outside and when Taehyung cuts off the engine, they turn to look at each other.

"Is this the bit where I invite you up for coffee?" Jimin teases, feeling strangely vulnerable.

Taehyung chuckles and leans back against his headrest and stares at him, expression keenly tender. Jimin feels warm and bruised, like a peach that spent too much time in the sun.

"If the bastard doesn't beg for a kiss here, dump his ass, Jimin-ah," Taehyung sighs.

Jimin's heart pounds in his chest. "Why would anyone beg for a kiss after a first date?" he rolls his eyes. "Wouldn't it be too soon, too desperate?"

Taehyung shakes his head. "Not after a date like this. Not with you."

Jimin can't look at him anymore. "You've always been too good with words," he laughs softly, feeling unsteady once again.

"Never lied, though."

"Thank you," Jimin says, moved beyond words. He clears his throats, licks his lips and, fighting against his own survival instincts, he drags his eyes back to Taehyung to add, "They'd be foolish to let you drive away, Taehyung-ah. Like, extremely stupid." 

Taehyung smiles, his cheeks bunching up shyly. Jimin pokes one of the mounds and they share a laugh. It doesn't get easier to look at him.

"Does this mean I get another date?" Taehyung asks, catching Jimin off guard.

"You want to keep doing this?"

Taehyung shrugs. "Give you a chance to plan a better date," he sniffs challengingly.

Jimin gapes. "Kim Taehyung. Prepare to be wooed off your ass," he says. 

Taehyung waggles his eyebrows. "Man, from your mouth to God's ear."

Jimin laughs so hard he ends up sprawled halfway across their seats. He can hear and feel Taehyung laughing alongside him. 

This . This is home.

When they calm down and Jimin straightens up, he finds himself too close to Taehyung's face. He can feel his breath fanning across his own cheeks. The affection in his eyes is as familiar as it is unexpectedly thrilling. 

"Text me?" Taehyung asks, voice warm.

"I will," Jimin promises. He flees the car and up to his apartment before he can ruin eleven years of friendship. 

That night, as he struggles with sleep, he gets a text from Taehyung.

Thank you for the perfect first date. 

I'm looking forward to seeing you again. 

I might even beg, next time.

Jimin throws his phone across the wall.

He is fucked .

~*~

Over the next few days, Jimin finds himself in a situation he never thought he could ever have imagined.

Taehyung texts him both as Taehyung his best friend forever, like usual, like nothing is different, like nothing strange is currently happening between them while also texting Jimin as a potential lover. As the person he's "dating".

It’s keeping Jimin on his toes and every time his phone beeps with incoming texts, his heart beats like royal drums in a historical drama.

Taehyung, his best friend, will send him pictures of Yeontan, funny memes that he found on weverse or even plan his next prank on Jungkook using Jimin as a soundboard. 

Taehyung, the potential lover, sends him good morning texts with sleepy selfies or poetry. Other times he’ll text him random favourite moments about their dates or """casually"""' eager texts about their next one, egging Jimin on about how his date has no chance of being the better one. He also films his walks in the park with his puppy that he actually introduced to Jimin as if he didn't have legal custody over the dog. The videos are short, often not even focused on Taehyung or Tannie but their surroundings with Taehyung's deep smooth voice saying wistfully that he wishes he could go on walks with someone and hold their hands while they enjoy the nice weather together.

It's such a surreal experience in the sense that it is both a wonderful feeling to be wanted and needed and loved but also utter agony because after barely one practice-date, Taehyung managed to jumble Jimin's emotions so thoroughly that he doesn't know where he stands or what he wants.

He tries to keep up, gives back as much as he gets because after all, this is for Taehyung too. They're doing this with a set goal in mind. This is a mutual deal and Taehyung should get to practice being... well... tormented.

In truth, Jimin is being tormented and he will not suffer alone.

So he sends pictures of him cuddling with his cats Kim and Chi.  On his private instagram account, he posts videos of himself working out and tags Taehyung with kissy faces. He goes shopping and tries on really skinny jeans and sends him pictures of his legs and ass asking which one would be more appropriate for their next date. He taunts him with said date by trying to make him guess what they'll do or where they'll go. 

It's... fun. it's too much fun actually.

He catches himself daydreaming about Taehyung and reminiscing about their date. He thinks about his elegant fingers wrapped around the steering wheel, about his side profile and how it caught the sun so perfectly, how his laughter rang around the bakery and made something warm and insatiable awaken in Jimin's chest. Jimin is used to missing Taehyung. Over the years, their intense friendship loosened and allowed them to grow into their own person, allowing them the freedom to explore other friendships and spend more time separately.

Jimin's used to that sweet ache. This is different, however.

Thankfully Hoseok presents the perfect distraction from his troubling thoughts. He invites Jimin over for dinner one night. They have a lovely time catching up and chatting about everything and nothing. They order food and eat way too much. It's nice. It’s always been easy with Hoseok. His sunshine hyung who’s always challenged Jimin to be the best he could be. Jimin wonders if he could have tried the practice dating idea with him. He quickly dismisses the thought. He and Hoseok are amazing friends but he has a hard time imagining them being something more.

Taehyung and I aren’t ‘something more’ either , Jimin reminds himself but that leaves an unsavoury taste on his tongue. He dismisses that thought, too. 

In the middle of dinner, Jimin's phone lights up on the table and he knows it's Taehyung because lately, it's always Taehyung. He doesn't check it though and keeps telling his story. Hoseok gives him and his phone a look but doesn’t comment.

"Why is your phone cracked? Didn't you buy it, like, two weeks ago?" he asks later, though.

Jimin freezes, mind blank, unable to find a lie on the spot. "I... threw it. Really hard. Against a wall," the truth escapes against his will.

Hoseok's eyes widen. "Why would you do that?" He inquires, looking alarmed.

"Taehyung texted me."

"And? Were you fighting?"

"The opposite."

Hoseok frowns. "Wait? What? I'm not following."

Jimin grabs his heineken and jugs down half of it. "This is going to sound absurd so, please, refrain from commenting on how absurd it is. I absolutely know it's ridiculous but it's happening so... yeah."

"... Okay?"

"I am…. I mean, Taehyung and I are pretending to date. Each other... for practice," Jimin says, wincing with every word that leaves his mouth while Hoseok's eyes grow comically wide. 

"These are not words I expected you to say. Not in that order at least," Hoseok finally says after a while.

Jimin frowns but Hoseok doesn’t elaborate. He shakes his head and tries to explain. "It just... sort of happened. I was lonely and scared about putting myself out there. Taehyung wanted the comfort of being with someone he trusts before actually dating for real. So, this was the only logical solution."

Hoseok snorts. "Logical?" He screeches. " Only ?!"

"I told you! I know it sounds ridiculous but it's been nice, actually," he tries to sound reasonable but a stupid smile fights its way on his face. 

"How long has this been going on?" Hoseok leans back against his chair, giving him the full view of his worried stance.

"Just a few days. We only went on one date so far," Jimin assuages.

"This is, and I can't stress this enough, a terrible idea," Hoseok says, passing a hand over his face.

"Why?" Jimin asks, feeling suddenly defensive. "We've done worst things," he adds with a pointed look. Hoseok rolls his eyes.

"But you and Taehyung never actually fooled around."

Jimin doesn't have a retort to that because it's true. While the members relieved stress and horny spells by slipping into each other's beds, Taehyung and Jimin never crossed that line. It's not something they ever discussed. It simply... never happened. Jimin figured he wasn't Taehyung's type and while his pride didn’t necessarily like that, he knew better than to whine about it. They all had their favourites anyways; Jimin really liked Hoseok and Jungkook while Taehyung favoured Namjoon and Seokjin. It was not a big deal. It's just the way it was. 

Now, looking over at Hoseok, he realises he doesn't want to figure out if there was another reason.

"Taetae and I...," he starts to explain but he falls short. So very short because he never knows how to explain to other people what they are. "It's not going to be a problem, Hyung. This is just platonic. We're just greasing ourselves up to make real dating smoother. That's all."

"Then why did your phone have to suffer?" Hoseok asks with an arched brow. 

That is an excellent question. "I was annoyed because Taehyung is too good at flirting."

"You shouldn't be annoyed if it's fake."

"Listen. It's fine."

"Clearly."

"Nothing's going to happen."

"Famous last words."

"Oh. My. God!"

Jimin changes the subject after that but Hoseok keeps sending him these looks throughout the evening. Even when they settle on Hoseok's big couch with beers and wine, Jimin feels on edge. 

He gets another text from Taehyung and this time he does look at it in order to avoid another look from Hoseok. 

Do you know why your mouth hurts when you eat a pineapple? 

Why are you ignoring me??

Don’t you want more pineapple facts?

Booooooooooooo

Oh, you’re with Hobi hyung! (I sluthed) Hug him for me

Anyways. It's bc it's trying to eat you back!!!!! The pineapple!!! IT EATS YOU BACK

s e x y

Followed by three bottom emojis, the ones he always adds to his fun fact texts. Because he’s silly and fun and… 

And Jimin needs to get a fucking grip, maybe. 

Jimin replies with "yes, I know, Taetae, we all have tiktok." He hits send with a smile and looks back at Hoseok who is now squinting at him.

"What?" Jimin asks, unable to fight the sudden blush on his cheeks.

"That was Taehyung wasn't it? Don't even lie, that was your Taehyung smile."

Jimin gapes. "What? I don't have a Taehyung smile? Hyung, come on!"

"You do. Man, you're effed in the beeswax," Hoseok shakes his head.

Jimin wants to deny it, he really does, except after just one text exchange, his blood feels like champagne, his heart is beating harder and his chest feels like a blooming field in spring.

He's effed .

Still, he can't back out now. One, because he made a deal with Taehyung and it’s not something he can just break out of nowhere. Two, he wouldn't be able to find a reason why he wants to back out now without making it weird or feeling embarrassed and three...

Well, number three is the worst one: he doesn't want to.

So, on Friday he sends a text inviting Taehyung over.

Be here tomorrow at 5

Taehyung’s answer is prompt.

Oooh, bossy. I like that. I will. Should I bring anything?

Just yourself  Jimin replies and he adds a wink emoji because he’s a daredevil like that.

The next day Jimin spends all morning with a cap on his head, big sunglasses perched on his nose and a mask covering the rest of his face as he goes from market places to grocery stores.

He loads up on far more food and drinks than he needs for just one dinner but he doesn't care. He’s so excited that he can’t really stop himself from buying everything he knows Taehyung will enjoy. (He knows that’s technically cheating, since he’s not supposed to know what Taehyung likes to eat yet but he doesn’t care about that either.) It’s a different kind of nervousness from their previous date; more adrenaline, less anxiety. He knows more or less what to expect now; the rules of the game have been set out. He can’t predict what will happen but if it’s anything like the first date, he knows it will be fun at the very least. Plus, this time around, he gets to control the settings. He’s on his own turf.

Jimin has always thrived when he needed to prove himself. 

He spends the rest of the afternoon getting ready. He takes a long bubble bath, takes his time with his skin care routine and makeup. For his outfit he chooses a yellow woollen sweater over a white button down and a light blue tie. He doesn't put on the skinny jeans he bought the other day but instead he slides into very soft black slacks.

Unfortunately, his quiet certainty wanes as the day progresses. He goes from utter giddiness to near passing out from nerves and in the moment of quiet his mind allows him, he wonders if this is what it's like to really date someone. To have their name on the tip of his tongue, their face dancing behind his closed eyelids and their voice echoing in his ears. 

He wonders how it's possible that Taehyung is making him feel like this and dreads the moment he'll go on a real date and it won't be the same. Because… What then? He guesses that's a bridge he'll have to cross if he ever gets there. He hopes he won't have to ever come near it and future romantic endeavours will be as exciting and interesting. He hopes they’ll feel just as easy and good as this. Maybe he feels this way because it's Taehyung and he always has fun with Taehyung. It's always lovely to spend time with him.

He also reasons that anyone with a heart and functioning eyes would have a hard time resisting Taehyung's charms. Let alone Jimin who's 1. a libra and 2. has always had a soft spot for him. 

Yes. This is just normal. He'll be okay.

Taehyung gets there on time, once again knocking instead of simply entering the code.

Jimin tamps down on a smile as he gathers the bouquet of daisies he bought this morning at a florist stand in the market and runs to the door.

Taehyung is wearing a black turtleneck with an ample black suit. His long brown hair tumble around his face, looking soft and beautiful. He has loops dangling from both ears and he smells faintly of lavender. When he sees the bouquet, his face splits into a smile so beautiful and warm that Jimin feels like a king.

"For you, Taehyung-ssi," he says, extending the flowers. Their hands brush as Taehyung takes it from him and his smile softens, turning a little shy.

"Thank you, Jimin-ssi," he replies. Jimin knows he'll remember this moment for a long time to come. He ushers him in and closes the door. Taehyung has his nose buried in his flowers and is looking over them at Jimin with such a flirtatious look that he has to look away.

"I was delighted to get your invitation," he says and Jimin smiles.

"Delighted to have you here. You can take your shoes off, we're staying in."

Taehyung does so without hesitation and Jimin offers him the slippers he uses whenever he visits. 

"These are my best friend's. Don't worry, he won't mind," he says with a wink.

"You keep mentioning this best friend," Taehyung says as he follows Jimin out of the hallway and into the kitchen. "What is he like?"

Jimin smiles. "He's a brat."

Taehyung's eyes twinkle with amusement. "I have a feeling you like that," he shoots back. 

He shrugs. "I like being the one who babies him so, it's a win-win situation," he says just as they enter the kitchen. Taehyung gasps as he takes in Jimin’s preparations. 

"What's all this?" he asks, eyes travelling over all the food Jimin put out.

"Well, I thought long and hard about what we should do. since we had the first casual brunch date, I thought we could take things a step further and have a not so casual home cooked meal together," Jimin starts. Taehyung tilts his head, showing interest in Jimin’s thought process. It should not be so attractive, yet, somehow, it is. Jimin clears his throat and continues. "But I didn't want to be the one to cook it beforehand because whoever I end up with, I want a life shared. I want a partnership. Even if I'm the better cook in the equation, which of course I would have no idea of knowing, I'd like my partner to cook with me," he explains, trying to hide his shaky hands and the tremor of his voice. "I always imagined that the person I'll end up with will like my company more than anything else. They’ll want to do things with me even if it's to prepare a simple meal for the both of us to share after a long day at work."

Taehyung puts the daisies on the counter.

He takes one of Jimin's hands in his and smiles down at him. Intimate, warm, understanding. 

"I know this might be a lot for a second date but I'm not one to waste time and I'm not really one for casual. I'd rather know now if we're compatible or not," Jimin continues, heart pounding. All day, he thought about what he should say, how he would phrase this and if it would be within the bounds of their endeavour. After all, Taehyung is not the person he’ll end up with, so why would it matter? Still, if they’re practicing, Jimin should really go all in and treat this as if it were reality and not pretense. Judging by the gentle affection and understanding in Taehyung’s eyes, he made the right call.

"You're lovely," Taehyung says. 

Jimin swallows, feeling heat prickle up to his scalp but he can't look away from the depth of Taehyung's eyes.

"How lovely?" he whispers.

"I'm already close to begging," Taehyung answers.

Jimin grins as relief and warmth spread in his chest.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that," Jimin teases. 

Something shifts in Taehyung's gaze and Jimin's heart sinks. He knows him so well, is the thing. Too well. There isn't much they can hide from each other at this point. Either Jimin is too caught up in their game, projecting something onto Taehyung he shouldn't, or that really was disappointment that flickered in Taehyung's eyes.

Even if it's only a mere possibility, a figment of his own imagination,  Jimin can't have that. So, heart in his throat, uncertain and yet somehow bold, he tacks on a breathless, "yet."

Taehyung's gaze shifts to Jimin's mouth, eyes intense. He squeezes Jimin's hand and pulls until Jimin steps closer, and has to tilt his head to look up at him. "Aren't we supposed to practice?"

Jimin frowns. "We are."

"There are other... things we could be practicing," Taehyung counters.

Jimin laughs to hide the way his entire being is trembling. "I've kissed other people before, Taetae," he says with a roll of his eyes.

Taehyung hums. "You've never kissed me, though."

Jimin swallows. "You think I need special training to kiss you?" He shoots, tone somehow steady despite the orchestra playing in his chest. 

"I think it could be a game changer," Taehyung whispers, voice smooth and oh so enticing. 

Jimin can barely breathe

It's far too easy to get caught up in his gaze, scorching and  tender all at once. It's too easy to fall into the rhythm of this new dance. Without pausing to think and worry too much about it, he steps forward, bringing himself flush against Taehyung's broad chest.

He slowly slides his hands under his suit jacket and settles his hands on his hips. Heartbeat rising at a dangerous pace, he gets on his tiptoes and brings his lips close enough that he can feel Taehyung's breath against his skin. Taehyung feels so warm, so real, so close. His gaze is like the moon.

Jimin tilts his head, invitingly, a smirk playing at his lips and breathes, "you're in charge of cutting the veggies." He steps away, giggling but doesn't let go of Taehyung's hand and leads them to the sink to wash their hands.

"Jimin-ssi," Taehyung groans

Jimin squeezes his hand. "C'mon, Taehyung-ssi," he says with a teasing smile as he pushes him against the sink and slides his hands up his chest and shoulders, dislodging his jacket, slowly letting it slide off. He leans against Taehyung's chest, pretending to need the support, a thrill coursing through him

Taehyung is watching him, an amused, if slightly frustrated, smile playing at his lips and a daring glint in his lovely brown eyes. "I could have taken that off myself, you know?" he comments idly but doesn't move, letting Jimin trail his hands down his arms.

"I'm simply trying to be a good host."

"I see. But if you get to take off my clothes, I get to do the same, don't I? For fairness sake, of course," Taehyung drawls, quirking an eyebrow.

Jimin steps back and grins at him. "Have at it," he invites, opening his arms wide. 

Taehyung laughs. "This is fun," he comments as he advances to take his own jacket off of Jimin's hand. He throws it sideways, not breaking eye contact with Jimin. It misses the chair by a long shot but Taehyung doesn't seem to care. He's stepping closer.

"Is it yet, yet?" He asks as he settles his hands on Jimin's hips.

"Will you tell me about your ideal type?" Jimin counters, smiling so big his face hurts. 

Taehyung is right; this is fun.

In answer, Taehyung bunches the hem of Jimin's yellow sweater in his hands and, in one swift move, takes the garment off.

"Ask me later," Taehyung replies, tone dripping with so much affection Jimin feels like caving, like pressing his lips to his, opening his mouth for him and swallowing him, devouring him, keeping bits of him inside.  

He shakes his head. "Then it's not yet, yet."

"Okay," Taehyung says simply and steps back. Jimin feels touched by the quiet acceptance of his boundaries. Will I find this anywhere else ? He wonders but keeps those words to himself. 

"What are we making?" Taehyung asks, pulling him out of his concerned thoughts.

"I have a bit of everything so I thought we could get to know each other by cooking dishes we both like," Jimin says, feeling strangely nervous still.

Taehyung smiles at him. "Let's have a feast then," he says.

Jimin claps his hands. "Okay, let me get our aprons."

"I get an apron?" Taehyung asks surprised as Jimin rummages through the bags on the table until he finds the aprons he bought that day. 

"Of course!" Jimin grins. He leaves his own in the bag and brings Taehyung's to him. The fabric is white with strawberry prints. He unfolds it, then holds it up so Taehyung can see the fruits properly. Taehyung giggles.

 "That's cheating," he says, shaking his head.

"What?" Jimin plays innocent. "I chose this print completely randomly," he tries to keep a straight face but ends up snorting and falling right into Taehyung's chest.

He wraps his arms around him and Jimin sobers up watching Taehyung's smile gradually dim. He sighs. "Here we are again," he says softly.

They've been here before. Millions of times. Never quite like this, though. 

"Yeah," Jimin whispers. "How do we always end up here, Taehyung-ssi?"

"Gravity?" he jokes.

They stay silent for a moment, simply looking at each other and while the tension is still there, while Jimin still wants a taste, he feels quite content where he is, plastered against Taehyung’s broad chest, feeling his heartbeat against his palm.

"You're so pretty," he sighs.

Taehyung's blush unravels something primal and hungry and terribly possessive in Jimin's chest. He tamps down on it and watches the lovely pink spread over his cheeks. 

"Thank you. So are you," Taehyung says in return. "Let's cook," he adds a moment later. It’s a good thing, too. He was just about to do something irrevocable. 

"Okay," Jimin says but neither of them move.

Eventually, he gets on his tip toes and brushes a gentle kiss on one of his pink cheeks.

"This doesn't count," he says when he pulls back. "This one's from me."

Taehyung's face goes through a complex range of emotions but before Jimin can understand them, Taehyung gathers him in his arms and holds him tight, deposing a kiss on the crown of his head. "This one counts," he says and Jimin's heart flips inside out. 

He squeezes him close before stepping back. He loops the apron over Taehyung's head and smiles. "It goes perfectly with this Louis Vuitton suit."

Taehyung’s smile is slow at first, blooming on his face like a flower but eventually it spreads over his entire face, making him laugh, too. He knots the apron in the back. He strikes a pause, pulls out the infamous smoulder, eyebrows and all and Jimin's heart skips a beat even as he laughs and bats at his arm.

"What's your favourite dish, Jimin-ssi?" He asks when they've regained their composure.

Thus, starts their second date. It goes wonderfully well, even if it turns out to be a messy affair. They laugh to tears when they burn onions not once but twice and attempting to make noodles from scratch turns out to be a bad idea. A Very Bad Idea. (It’s okay, Jimin bought store noodles just in case.) Taehyung doesn't drink but he sometimes steals sips from Jimin's glass of Cabernet. Jimin has a lo-fi playlist playing in the background and they both hum along as they chop, peel, caramelise and let simmer. They dance around each other, pulling each other close, a hand on a hip, a chest pressed to a back, a chin hooked over a shoulder, a spoon held up to a mouth. Eyes teasing, hearts alive.

They tell stories the other has heard dozens of times but relearn them under this new light. They make dishes they've failed making in the past but that feel more familiar now. They flirt a lot. Freely. But that’s not completely new either. They've always danced along these lines, as a joke of course. It’s a little different now. It bubbles inside of Jimin, a joy unlike any other. 

When they finally settle down to eat and Taehyung slides one socked foot between his, Jimin blushes but presses his toes to the arch of his foot. It feels so wonderful, Jimin never wants it to end. 

But it has to. Of course, it does. After they clean everything up and Jimin's kitchen is pristine, after they settle on Jimin's couch with more wine and a cake that Jimin had delivered earlier in the evening. After they've talked and laughed and teased each other and grew even more comfortable in these new roles. Long, long, long after the sunset, Taehyung calls it a night. He has a cute dog to get back to. Walking him to the door is the longest minute of Jimin's life.

He could lean up and kiss him. Taehyung obviously wouldn't mind, Jimin wants to. So badly it weighs on his tongue, burns across his lips, makes his heart twist and his gut flip.

He wants it like he hasn't wanted anything in quite a while. 

But.

But this has been so wonderful. Everything about this experience has made Jimin happy, kept him nervous, but the good kind. Like he’s about to step on stage and perform in front of his favourite people. Taehyung makes him feel alive and safe and sexy and beautiful and interesting. It’s starting to feel less and less like practice and more like he’s preparing himself for a new chapter of his life. 

But.

They're having fun . What if a kiss changes that? What if it means something more to him? Or worse, what if it doesn't mean anything? What if it breaks the spell they're under and they both remember what's at stake, what they could jeopardise and lose?

He wants to kiss Taehyung so badly, he can almost see himself pulling him, and can almost taste him on his lips. But he can't cave just yet. He wants more fantasy with Taehyung before reality catches up to them and they have to wake up from this beautiful dream.

"I had a lovely time, Taehyungie," he says as he opens the door and looks up at him through his lashes.

Taehyung smiles at him, warm and sweet. "Taehyungie?"

"Consider me wooed," Jimin replies before leaning up and giving his other cheek a soft kiss.

Taehyung's eyes smoulder as he takes in his face. Jimin's breath is caught in his throat. He takes a hold of one his hands, brings to his mouth and presses the most delicate of kisses inside Jimin's palm.

"Call me," he says when he pulls back.

"I will," Jimin promises.

"Drive safe," he adds as Taehyung steps outside. "Text me when you get home," he finishes urgently.

"Promise," Taehyung says before leaning back in and kissing his forehead. "Good night, Jimin-ah."

He watches him go. Taehyung knows because he keeps looking back.

~*~

The next morning, Jimin is awoken by a sensation he hasn't felt in maybe months, perhaps even years. 

He Knows Taehyung left last night. He watched him go and they even had a brief phone call because Jimin wanted to say good night to Yeontan. (Or at least that’s the only pretext he found.) So, he knows that Taehyung slept at his place. Yet, here he is now, sliding into Jimin’s bed and wrapping his rather impressive frame around him. 

When bangtan were younger, when they only had each other to cope and for affection, curling around each other before sleep was more than just routine, it was necessary. As the years passed and they grew up, they remained affectionate, always easy with their touches but those touches lost some of their clinginess. Along the way, they lost the habit of slipping into each other's beds for comfort. unless it was to deal with a carnal urge.

Taehyung and Jimin in particular rarely if ever cuddled in bed. They had no qualms about doing it in public, during interviews, while shooting MVs or other programs. Once they passed the threshold of their shared apartment however, cuddling was limited to open spaces. They rarely ever did it in their respective beds. It wasn't a conscious decision on their part. In fact, Jimin never noticed until Namjoon pointed it out once. 

It was just one of those things. Jimin attributed it to Taehyung being a literal koala bear and a walking inferno and Jimin hating getting too warm while he slept. Being bed partners, particularly in summer, wasn't very comfortable.

Simply put, they grew up. They all needed space. With the passage of time affection became a love language instead of something they did for basic survival. That being said, Jimin often remembered their earlier days, when they all shared one room or later on when the two of them shared with hoseok only; they were often found clinging to each other in sleep like a lifeline.

This morning however, he is slowly coaxed out of a dreamless sleep by the distinct feeling of a body wrapping around his. One arm snug around his waist and a long leg thrown over his hip. 

"Taehyung-ah?" he asks, voice slurred from sleep, even though he already knows. 

"Sleep," Taehyung replies reassuringly, voice quiet and warm.

So Jimin does. He falls back asleep, feeling safer than he’s felt in a very long time.

He awakens again some time later, his nose buried in a warm neck and his leg slotted between Taehyung's. He's humming quietly as his large hands travel back and forth over the expanse of Jimin's back.

It's such a lovely feeling, such a sweet moment, Jimin doesn't want to break it. The humming stops anyways.

"Morning," Taehyung says over Jimin's head. He can hear the smile in his voice and for some reason, his heart stutters over it.

He makes Taehyung smile. It’s such a normal thing; something he's done billions of times in the past but now, somehow, it feels miraculous.

"What time is it?" he asks and pretends he's not actively smelling Taehyung.

How does a human being smell of honey so distinctly? Also how is that okay?? How is Jimin supposed to deal with this?

"Almost noon. I brought breakfast by the way," Taehyung replies, giggling as Jimin's nose tickles his skin.

"That's so nice," Jimin replies. "movie marathon?"

"I thought it might be nice. We haven't done that in a while."

Jimin wraps one of his arms around him and nuzzles closer. "Okay but I like it here for now."

"Okay," Taehyung repeats, laughing, and lets Jimin cling to him.

Eventually, Jimin slips out of bed and rushes to the bathroom where he takes a quick shower and finishes waking up. When he's done with his (shortened and sped up) morning routine and has put on a pair of jeans and a soft cotton tee, he runs to the kitchen where Taehyung has spread various small dishes (songpyeon, baekseolgi, rice jjigae, some kimchi), a few pastries, two styrofoam cups that probably have their favourite bubble teas, coffee for Jimin and strawberry juice for Taehyung.

Jimin stops short as he takes it all in. Taehyung put all this effort in, just for him. Taehyung in his home, in his kitchen. Soft, sweet, gentle, darling Taehyung who woke him up by embracing him and made Jimin feel happy. Truly happy. Taehyung who is now waiting for him so they could spend the whole day together. Taehyung who never wavers in his affection, who doesn’t seem to ever mind Jimin’s clinginess, who always comes back. 

Taehyung . 

He is grabbing mugs when Jimin is suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling he will later describe as delirium.  He walks up to him, knowing with every step he takes that he's about to do something that will have repercussions for months, maybe even years, to come.

He knows this on a profound level yet he can't stop.

Taehyung is opening his mouth to speak but Jimin interrupts him. He pushes him against the counter and steps up to him, bringing himself as close as they were just a few moments ago in bed. 

"I'm gonna kiss you. Do you have any objection to that?" He asks, heart in his throat, fingers digging into Taehyung's hips.

"Fuck no," Taehyung answers as he lets go of the mugs he had in his hands. They touch the ground and shatter just as Jimin gets on tip toes and closes the gap between their mouths.

Taehyung's mouth is soft, so very soft as Jimin presses his lips to it. It smells good, too; Jimin feels the primal urge to lick Taehyung's lips and follow the trail of his tongue with his nose. He doesn't. Instead, he falls back on his heels, effectively pulling away after a quick kiss and watches as Taehyung's eyelashes flutter against his cheekbones. After a moment he opens his eyes and stares at Jimin. There's a look of wonder in them. Wonder and hunger. A moment or two pass as the two try to catch their breath, even though the kiss was short and soft. 

Jimin still feels on edge.

Taehyung pushes away from the counter and cups Jimin's face with both hands. 

"If you're going to kiss me, do it like you dance," he whispers, lips brushing against Jimin's.

"How's that?" He asks.

"Like you would die without it," Taehyung explains, a fire blazing in his eyes.

Jimin goes weak in the knees.

Last night, he went to bed thinking he'd have more time to prepare for this. Because he knew it was coming. From the moment he asked that damned question and felt that strange unease deep in his core, some part of him must have known this is where they'd end up.

Are you dating? He asked none the wiser as to how that would change his trajectory. It had been such a simple question, such a short moment. And yet somehow it was pivotal. 

Last night, he knew that the more dates they'd go on, the harder it would be not to cave. Because Taehyung is too charming, their game is too much fun, their connection too obvious. Just as sleep claimed Jimin, his last thought was it was only a matter of time before he stopped fighting Taehyung’s pull. Their chemistry was impossible to ignore, pretense or not. He didn't expect him again so soon, though, and when he felt his body against his own this morning, something came loose within him; it unravelled.

His sanity, maybe. 

Last night he had the excuse of their mise-en-scene. He had the perfect alibi to be reckless and weak.

Now? What excuse did he have?

Maybe none of it was pretend. Maybe this is something he’s been wanting all along. Maybe it's something that was just ignited inside him. Maybe it had been there all along. Maybe he doesn't need any reasons why or incentive. Maybe there's nothing conditional or uncertain about how he loves Taehyung. Maybe labels don’t matter and all that really does is the present and right now what Jimin really wants is to keep kissing him. 

In the end, all that really matters is that Taehyung wants Jimin to kiss him, really kiss him and mean it with everything in him. And Jimin wants to. Jimin wants him like he never wanted anything before. So, he kisses him again, despair chasing hope against their lips.

Jimin opens his mouth, too eager, too desperate and yet shameless enough to press closer still. Taehyung's hands on his face feel like an anchor; so big, warm and good.  He guides Jimin to tilt his head slightly as he deepens the kiss. When Jimin licks into his mouth, Taehyung groans.

His hands are fisted in Taehyung's button down, creasing it beyond repair but he doesn't care. He can't seem to get close enough. He wants the damned thing off, he wants no space between their atoms, no echo between their breaths, no asynchrony between their heartbeats.

His need is making him sloppy and desperate. He bites a little too hard on Taehyung's bottom lip and pulls back, guilt churning in his chest.

"Sorry," he breathes, bringing his thumb to swipe over Taehyung's bottom lip.

Taehyung shakes his head, eyes hazy. "M'fine," he says. He leans down, brushing his nose against Jimin's; a small, tender gesture that makes Jimin's heart bleed. He tilts his head, almost like an unconscious gesture, silently asking Jimin for more. Jimin whimpers as he brings their mouths together again, tongue first.

Kiss me like you would die without it, Taehyung said and every time their lips part, Jimin feels that sentiment echo inside of him, like a curse, like a premonition becoming true, like the only truth Jimin has ever heard. Taehyung tastes so sweet; his mouth is so warm and soft and lovely, he kisses Jimin so tenderly and deeply, and he lets out these breathless little moans that Jimin will probably need a few lifetimes to forget.

It’s perfect and every second spent not kissing him feels like a waste.

His darling mouth is assuaging a craving that Jimin had no idea existed. His entire being, from his heart to his soul, to his hands and mouth, is purring with contentment. They kiss until Jimin's mouth is buzzing and his jaw aches. They've been standing for so long that his feet are starting to hurt and yet when Taehyung pulls back one last time, Jimin clings harder. 

Taehyung smirks down at him. "Yeah," he whispers, pecking his lips one more time, eyes still looking at him in that incandescent way. "Like that."

Jimin huffs, overwhelmed to the point of annoyance. He shoves Taehyung away and groans.

"You cursed me," he mutters as he hides his head in his hands.

Taehyung laughs so hard he chokes

They clean up the shattered mugs off the floor and sit to have breakfast. Jimin makes a point to sit as far away from Taehyung as possible which only makes Taehyung laugh. He sends him coy looks and pretends to need this or that from Jimin's side of the table just to have an excuse to brush his fingers against his. Jimin has had to silently talk himself out of leaping over the table three times by the time they're done eating.

After the clean up they settle on the couch and it's awfully easy to fall against each other.

Jimin can still feel him on his tongue, against his lips. He can still hear the erratic drum of his heart as Taehyung licked into his mouth for the first time.

He misses it already.

"What are we watching," he asks to distract himself from his thoughts. 

"I brought a documentary on bird migrations. I also have Citizen Kane or we can watch Saw Six," Taehyung suggests.

Jimin gapes at him. "Why would you choose these options?"

"Because they're boring," Taehyung replies as he presses play on the first DVD.

Jimin just stares some more. "Why would we spend the day watching boring stuff?"

"We won't," he replies casually as the documentary starts. Then he throws the remote aside and straddles Jimin's hips

Jimin freezes, his skin erupting in goosebumps and his blood singing as Taehyung grins cheekily down at him. Over the years, Jimin has lost count of how many times they sat on each other. They worked with five other grown men every day, and fatigue was their sixth companion. Finding a chair was sometimes too big an effort, too much of a bother. 

But this ? This is completely different. The intent is different. The look on Taehyung’s face is different. Jimin needs him differently. 

"You planned this?" Jimin chokes as Taehyung makes himself comfortable.

"Define planned," Taehyung says, looping his arms around Jimin's neck.

"This is premeditated seduction," Jimin says dumbfounded.

"Hm, that makes me look cunning," Taehyung pouts right against Jimin's lips.

“What if I hadn’t kissed you earlier?” Jimin asks, squinting at him. He’s not touching him yet. He can’t touch him just yet. This feels almost dangerous and yet it’s thrilling. Jimin's smile must be eating half of his face by now.

Taehyung shrugs. “We would be watching a documentary on bird migration right now. They’re actually quite interesting. Just not as interesting as your mouth,” he says, eyes intent on Jimin’s mouth. He licks his lips and looks back up. “Would you rather watch a bird documentary, Lovely?”

"If you want something from me, Taehyung-ah, you're gonna have to ask for it. Very nicely," he caves in. Bows to Taehyung’s allure, leans into his own cravings. If this is happening, he might as well live every second to the fullest. 

Taehyung's eyes twinkle. he leans forward ever so slightly. "What if I beg?"

Jimin tilts Taehyung's chin down, passes a thumb over his parted lips. "I think there are better things these pretty lips could do," he answers.

There’s a pause where Taehyung’s eyes widen ever so slightly and his lips part in surprise.Then, "you are so smooth, it's ridiculously hot," Taehyung complains before crashing their lips together.

They don't watch the movies.

~*~

"I have to go home," Taehyung says against Jimin's mouth before tilting his head and giving him a kiss so deep, Jimin's head spins. 

He's breathless when he pulls away. They've been doing this on and off all day and he has yet to catch his breath. He's untethered. Undone. Unravelling.

"Do you have to?" he asks, cupping the side of Taehyung's neck, thumb pressing down a bruise his lips left there hours ago. " Do you really need to?" He looks at Taehyung through his eyelashes.

"Don't do that. Do not do that, God ," Taehyung groans and pulls him into another kiss.

"Stay," Jimin whispers against his lips a moment later. "We don't have to do anything beyond this. I'm not sure I'm ready for that anyways," he adds before biting down on Taehyung's bottom lip. "Stay, Taetae. Hold me."

It’s still the same day. Or maybe they’ve managed to stop time and created a bubble where the only truth, even greater than space and time is this. Them. Their lips seeking each other over and over again. 

Maybe Taehyung’s lips are drenched in a secret potion, turning Jimin into a witless, romantic moron. He’s not sure he minds.

The night has fallen around them, hours ago. The TV shut off by itself long before that. They moved from the couch, to the floor, to the kitchen to eat the leftovers from yesterday, to against the fridge where Taehyung kissed Jimin so thoroughly he forgot his name for a moment. At some point they even made out in the bathroom and now they're on Jimin's bed.

Taehyung cups his face in both hands and trails his eyes over it, looking for something Jimin isn't sure he could name. He sighs and leans his forehead against Jimin's. 

"I don't want to go," he admits, voice raspy. 

"Then stay," Jimin pleads. "Please. Call your dad; ask him to pick up Yeontan from your place and keep him for the night. Tell him you’re with me and that I need you,” Jimin says and only realises the implication of his words once they’re out.

“Do you?” Taehyung asks quietly, pulling just far enough to focus better on Jimin’s eyes. 

“Do I what?” Jimin asks, heart in his throat.

“Need me,” Taehyung replies with a brush of a kiss. “Do you need me, Jimin-ah?”

Jimin closes his eyes and leans his forehead against his, inhaling deeply. His heartbeat measures out, steadier now. Surer. It makes saying what he’s about to say easier.

“I do,” he replies, letting his eyes flutter open. Taehyung’s expression is so nakedly vulnerable, so open and beseeching. A flicker of joy starts at the corner of his lips and spreads through his face like a light show. A thought occurs to Jimin at that moment: it would be so easy to hurt him. People could take advantage of his beautiful heart, his amazing soul, so easily. All this time, Jimin has been trying to picture himself doing this with other people but he didn’t think about Taehyung dating someone else. 

He doesn’t like the thought at all. Jimin isn’t good at much but he knows he’s good at taking care of Taehyung. He wants to, in all the ways. In every way. It’s a frightening realisation and to distract himself from it he says, “Stay. Please. Hold me,” he repeats.

"Look who's begging now," Taehyung teases gently, brushing his nose with his own. They grin at each other and Jimin can't help it, he leans forward and presses his lips against Taehyung's smile. 

"Okay," Taehyung whispers. "I'll stay," he says and inches forward to hook his chin over Jimin's shoulder, wrapping himself around him like the loveliest octopus ever.

"Good," Jimin says and holds him just as tight.

They eventually manage to detangle themselves from each other. Taehyung jumps in the shower while Jimin pulls out some of the lounge clothes his best friend left behind in the many occasions he crashed at Jimin’s place. When Taehyung comes out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his hips, his hair in disarray and his cheeks red from the hot water - a view Jimin has seen millions of times before - Jimin's heart reacts very poorly at the sight.

He stares for a moment too long as heat pools in his stomach and his pulse quickens. Taehyung lets him look, rubbing a towel over his damp hair, always so comfortable in his own skin. Always at ease with Jimin’s eyes on him. This too is exhilarating. This simmering tension that is born out of familiarity and a new type of longing. Jimin revels in it for a moment longer before he finally moves. He steps closer to hand over the clothes and the both of them end up  sandwiched in the en suite doorway. their fingers brush and tangle against the garments.

"All yours" Taehyung smiles coy and charming and so beautiful Jimin can barely think straight.

"Thank you," Jimin says and steps aside to get into the bathroom properly. He almost makes it, a strange kind of disappointment settling heavily in his belly, but at the last second, Taehyung grabs his wrists and pulls him flush against his naked chest.

Jimin is kissing him before the clothes hit the floor.

Eventually, Jimin manages to take a shower. It's a long one and although he takes the time to... relieve some of the pressure; he's still buzzing with adrenaline when he steps out. He quickly puts on a white cotton tee and black shorts that don't really do much to cover his thighs.

Taehyung is on his bed, already under the covers, still not wearing a shirt. He has his thick framed glasses perched on his nose and his hair looks like a luscious cloud.

Jimin takes a mental picture and stores it in that box in his mind where his favourite memories reside. Taehyung is reading the book that’s been keeping Jimin company on and off for weeks now. He looks up when Jimin closes the ensuite door behind him. He smiles, a slow, intimate tender thing that grows as he looks Jimin up and down. "Cute," he chuckles, putting the book aside.

Jimin pads to the bed but instead of sliding into his side he goes to sit by Taehyung's hips.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

Taehyung takes his hand and laces their fingers together. He brings the back of Jimin's hand to his lips and gives it a few soft kisses.

"I'm good," he replies. He lets their joined hands rest on his naked chest and looks at Jimin. "You?" He asks.

God, there are so many things Jimin is feeling. 'Good' is one of those things and the safest one to rely on right now but it's so far from enough. So far from the entire truth. He settles for a little bit more than the minimum. He's always felt too inclined to go the extra mile for Taehyung.

"I'm very happy you're here," he says.

Taehyung's cheeks bunch up bashfully as he smiles at Jimin. "Me too," he says. "Let's sleep," he adds without any sequitur, like he’s often prone to do.

Jimin isn't sure he'll get much sleep tonight but he can't just stay up and stare at Taehyung's face. Or kiss him all night. So, instead of plopping on his lap and eating him bit by bit like he actually wants to do, he climbs over him to his side of the bed and settles down.

He turns off his bedside lamp, Taehyung does the same and they readjust their positions and the covers until they're one their sides facing each other.

"Can I hold you?" Taehyung asks and Jimin nods silently. He scoots closer, pressing his frame to Taehyung's, bodies locking in place, perfect together. Jimin has his nose smushed in the hollow of Taehyung's neck and Taehyung has his buried in Jimin's damp hair. 

"How do you always smell like the sea?" Taehyung asks and Jimin looks up, surprised. His nose brushes Taehyung's jaw. 

"What?" he murmurs.

Taehyung huffs. "You have this very distinctive scent. For the longest time I tried to understand what it reminded me of and then one day we were shooting on a beach and I realised that's what your smell reminded me of," he says, tone hushed and words marvelling. "When we were young, Dad and Mum always took a few days off after the harvest to take us to the beach. It was so hot, the sun felt clammy on my skin, the sand was so hot it scorched but the sea? The crashing waves, their ebb and flow like a lullaby,” he sighs and then inhales deeply. 

Jimin’s skin feels like it’s on fire, his very soul hanging on by a thread. He knows how deeply Taehyung cares for his family, how every childhood memory is like a treasure trove to him. Being associated with that means more than Jimin can currently explain. 

“It was such a precious feeling,” Taehyung continues. “The warm water cooling off the heat of the sun and sand," he sighs and looks at Jimin. He can barely see him in the dark but he knows him. He could draw him blindfolded, every sharp line, every gentle curve, every enticing relief of him. 

Jimin feels the intensity of his gaze like the waves he was just talking about. Taehyung nudges their noses together and sighs again.

"There's a peculiar brand of nostalgia attached to childhood memories. Something like magic that ignites warmth and hope inside you. As I grew older and older, I tried to hold on to that for as long as I could but it got harder and harder with each new obstacle life threw at me," he continues as he lips brush every inch of skin they encounter. Jimin is a shivering, trembling, aching mess. He wishes he could have been there on those days at the beach. He wishes he could fight the passage of time. He wishes he'd known Taehyung all along, cared for him every day, and protected him from every hardship.

"Then I met you and being young and free... and me," Taehyung says, his voice dropping as he moves closer. "It was like magic all over again. It was easy. I think you smell like the sea to me because you're made of magic."

Jimin suddenly realises he's blinking back tears.

"Taehyung-ah," he says but before he can say more Taehyung swoops down and takes a kiss. The most tender one yet. It wracks through Jimin's frame, burning in its sweetness and breathtaking in its devotion. The kiss slows and ends with a dozen more pressed across his cheeks, nose, forehead, chin, neck... the very last one is a bite to Jimin's top lip, hungry enough to make Jimin's tummy swoop. 

There are still tears clinging to his eyelashes. Taehyung passes a thumb under his eyes.

"Shh, sweetheart," Taehyung says, brushing a soft kiss against his lips. "You don't have to say anything," he adds. "Let's go to sleep." He rolls off Jimin and curls behind him, holding him close.

Jimin lets himself be held for a few minutes, lets his heart rest from the rollercoaster of emotions it’s been through in the last twenty four hours. He lets Taehyung cling to him and lull him slowly back to serenity. Then, he swallows and says,

"You smell like honey to me because there is nowhere in the world where I can be myself fully, without filters and expectations, except from home. Home where mum used to bake us honey biscuits every sunday when we were young. Then, later when we grew up we would help her with them,” Jimin lets out a harsh breath as he feels Taehyung stiffen and then relax behind him. He slowly gathers Jimin closer, burying his nose in Jimin’s hair. 

“Home that I left too young to pursue a dream that felt too big and too shallow at the same time. Every month mum would send me a box of those biscuits to comfort me when I was a trainee. To help remind me that there was a place where I was loved unconditionally, without effort.  You smell like honey to me because you're home. You're my home, Taehyung-ah."

Taehyung exhales loudly. Then hooks his chin over Jimin's shoulder and smushes their cheeks together. "You're mine, too," he says and kisses his cheek.

Taehyung falls asleep first, his hold slacking gradually. It takes longer for Jimin to follow suit.

The next morning when he wakes up, Taehyung isn't there and the bed is cold. There's a note on his pillow.

Had a meeting early so I had to leave. I would have woken you up but you looked too precious asleep like that. I'll call you.

Jimin flops back into bed and stares at the ceiling, feeling quite disappointed. It's only later, while eating breakfast, that he realises this wasn't a pretend date. None of it was planned. It dawns on him that he won't be able to hide behind pretences. It happened, it was real, it was them. Every word had weight. Every kiss was meaningful. 

Fuck !

He's just about to have a full meltdown when he gets a couple of texts from Taehyung.

I can't stop thinking about you

Let's go on a date again soon

Jimin stares at the text for too long before deciding that this is a problem for future Jimin. Present Jimin is gonna drink a lot of alcohol today and only think about Taehyung's kisses.

And so he does. It’s a rather nice day, actually. 

~*~

He doesn't see Taehyung for the next couple of days. Taehyung is working in the studio with Namjoon and Jimin realises it's been a while since he visited home so he drives up to the sea. He spends three days there catching up with his family or with his toes buried in the cold sand, staring at the crescent of the moon and wondering if Taehyung can feel Jimin thinking of him. He wants to know if Taehyung misses him as much as he misses Taehyung. He wonders if the ache of it pulses inside of him like an unanswered question, like it does at Jimin's core. He wonders if this new way of missing Taehyung will follow him in the future. If this is how the rest of his life will play out; time divided and defined like this: the moments he spends pressed close to Taehyung and then the rest of the world.

They text a lot. Random things, usual things, cliché things, Jimin and Taehyung things. To the untrained eye those conversations might seem innocent, even normal between two friends. But Jimin knows Taehyung too well, he knows how he flirts, how he charms people to get his way.

Jimin hears the hints of teasing and shivers every time Taehyung casually uses words like: begging , pretty and lips . He sends Taehyung pictures of the sea and Taehyung calls him, voice hushed as he asks when he's coming home.

Home . To him.

Jimin tries to stay put, not to run back, to let them take a rest from their brewing needs. It’s hard. He manages anyways. This is good, too. Necessary, even.

Taehyung sends him a list of all the places they can go, all the things they could do, all the time they could spend together. It's nothing unusual per say. Taehyung is his best friend. Everywhere he goes, Jimin takes a piece of him with him, noting all the places they could go. Except it is different now because Jimin knows the intimacy of his touches. He's learned the shape of his lips, traced them with his tongue, shivered desperately under them. 

It's different now because these places he wants to visit with Taehyung, he wants to be kissing him there and that makes missing him even harder this time around.

After three days, he gets back to Seoul but instead of driving home, he goes straight to Taehyung's place. When he lets himself inside, it's already too late for company but Taehyung has always had trouble sleeping and his apartment is always alive and welcoming. 

He finds him in his art room, curled on the loveseat, Yeontan by his feet and a sketchbook in his hands. He's wearing a headband, tendrils of jade hair falling gracefully over his glasses. His olive green shorts and black tee are so familiar and yet the sight of his long legs makes a breath hitch in Jimin’s throat.

Taehyung looks up and, immediately, a smile starts to stretch across his lips. He must see something on Jimin's face because the smile dims. He closes his sketchbook and makes a move to get up but Jimin puts a hand up to stop him in his tracks. Taehyung settles back in his seat and looks up at Jimin, brown eyes wide and gaze gentle as he waits patiently for Jimin’s next move.

"You kissed me and ruined me," he says, voice steady despite his shivering heart. "You kissed me and something shifted inside of me. You flicked a switch in my brain, my soul, m-my fucking heart. All I can do is think about you, miss you, want you. All I can think about is how long it's been since you held me. You kissed me and let me miss you. That’s not allowed. You're not allowed to make me feel like that," Jimin says through trembling lips and desperate yearning. 

Taehyung sets the sketch book aside and gets up, ignoring Yeontan's annoyed whine.

" You kissed me ," Taehyung corrects, taking a step forward. His tone is challenging but his words are spoken softly and clearly, making his point all that more important "You kissed me like my tongue was coated in the sweetest nectar. You kissed me like I was the very air making blood pump in your veins. You kissed me like it would be the last thing you'd ever do,” Every sentence brings him closer to Jimin who watches him advance like a lion watches its prey come nearer.

Taehyung’s gaze is intent, unflinching. If he's a prey, he’s a willing one. “You let me hold you, curled around me as if you were my new skin, settling so deep in my bones that they've been aching without you these past few days. You kissed me and then you left and I've had to think of a better word than the word 'miss' because it felt inadequate for the way my lips craved yours, for the way my hands felt empty without yours, for the cold that's been sipping in my chest without the heat of your body against mine. So, do not tell me about missing," Taehyung finishes.

There's two steps left between them. Jimin is breathing hard as he takes in his face, heart unstitched from him and frantically stitched back on Taehyung's sleeve. Ready for the first cut, uncaring of the possible bloodshed. 

"Well, then," he says, taking one more step. "What are you still waiting for?" he asks. 

Taehyung takes that last step to bring them close and looks down at him, desire lurking in his eyes like honey in tea. "What are you waiting for," he counters.

Jimin feels alive, electric, bamboozled. He thinks with a clarity and a peace of mind that he's rarely ever felt so strongly: I'm falling in love. The thought is as ridiculous as it is exciting. He smiles, ready because he knows Taehyung won't let his heart hurt. 

Come what may.

He brings his hands to Taehyung's face and slowly slides off his glasses that he then pockets in his own jacket. He gets rid of that jacket, lets it drop to the floor and steps closer.

He swipes one strand of Taehyung's hair aside and tilts his head, taking the time to watch him.

"I kissed you first, Kim Taehyung," he says.

A look passes over Taehyung's eyes, something secret and vulnerable, something as fragile and scared as it is sweet and sad. Jimin doesn't understand it, wants to make it better but as soon as it appears, it is gone.

"I'll kiss you second, then," he whispers and wraps his arms around Jimin before pulling him into a kiss so thorough and lush that Jimin has no choice but to get swept away by it, crashing against the rocks of Taehyung's desire like the helpless and wanting sea.

~*~

If you were to ask how the rest of the weekend went for Jimin, he wouldn't be able to tell you. He knows he must have eaten and showered at some point. He must have drunk and texted people. He must have done other things than kiss Taehyung.

He must have…

He does remember the long walk near the Han, under the moonlight that they took on Saturday night. Their hands kept brushing while Taehyung talked about the new song he recorded while Jimin was in Busan. As the coat of the night thickened and people went home, Jimin's impatience grew with every step they took.

So far, being bold and going after what he wants has worked, so he slides his hand in Taehyung's, breath caught in his lungs. Taehyung pauses in between sentences, looks down at their hands and then laces their fingers together.

Jimin tries to carry on as if nothing happened but he feels so effervescent with happiness that he can't keep his smile in check. Taehyung looks down at him, affectionate gaze like a caress. He leans down, tugs down both of their masks and steals a fervent kiss from Jimin's smiling lips.

"Sorry," he mumbles as he pulls away. Jimin knows why he's apologising. Anyone could've seen and recognised them. Jimin wishes he could say he cared. He shakes his head silently, cupping the side of Taehyung's neck and guiding him back down. He kisses him slowly, gently, every brush of their lips a mirror of Jimin's glowing love. 

"You're free to kiss me whenever you please," he says when they pull back.

Taehyung's eyes soften. "Oh, beloved. don't let me be free with my affections. Someone might drown."

Jimin thinks he wouldn't mind at all. Not one bit. He thinks, perhaps foolishly as neither of them have even attempted to talk about what the hell is going on, this is what he was meant to be doing all along.

Alone with Taehyung under the stars, pressed close. They are the universe.

The rest of the weekend is spent in Taehyung's apartment passing the hours talking, sharing food and kissing. 

At night, Taehyung wraps himself around Jimin and holds him close, falling asleep quickly, as if finally safe. As if all the worries that always seemed to plague Taehyung most nights were held at bay. Jimin falls asleep with more difficulty; not because he doesn't feel safe but because succumbing to sleep would be losing time with Taehyung. 

He feels strangely hungry every time his eyes stray from Taehyung's face. Which he knows is utterly ridiculous. After almost eleven years of friendship, he knows Taehyung's face better than his own. He could pick it out of a crowd within seconds. 

Every day brings new things to ponder about and to make his heart skip a few beats but the strangest thing of them all: is that he loves it.

He goes back home on Monday morning. He tries to slip out of bed quietly because it's still very early and Taehyung doesn't have anything planned until later that afternoon.

He pads to the bathroom, washes his face and brushes his teeth before getting dressed. He's at the door, quietly petting Yetontan goodbye when he hears the bedroom door open. He straightens up and a moment later, Taehyung is standing on the other side of the entryway, squinting at Jimin through sleep crusted eyes. 

He has a blanket wrapped around his mostly naked form and his hair is all over the place. Suddenly, Jimin's obligations for the day don't seem that important.

"Jimin-ah? You're leaving already?" He mumbles, shuffling closer. The blanket drags behind him. He's so unbearably cute, is the horrid thing. 

"Yeah," he whispers just as Taehyung stops before him. He brings a hand to his hair and tries to flatten it but Taehyung melts under his touch, leaning into it and closing his eyes. 

Jimin melts. Everything in him melts . 

"Aish, Kim Taehyung," he sighs as he steps closer and cups his face. Taehyung looks at him, barely awake. "What am I going to do with you?" he shakes his head fondly. What am I going to do with this stormy ocean you've awakened within me, he doesn't say. 

Taehyung looks at him, seemingly more alert, all of a sudden. He parts his lips, eyes trailing over Jimin's face. However, instead of saying whatever he clearly wanted to say, he offers Jimin a frail smile and steps even closer, enveloping his blanket-clad arms around Jimin and hugging him close.

Jimin, always greedy, always needy, always in search of perfection, settles his nose in the juncture of Taehyung's neck and shoulder to inhale honey and exhale longing. 

Which, again , he knows is ridiculous. What does he need to long for? He's got way more than he bargained for already.

"Come back soon," Taehyung whispers against his ear before kissing the lobe.

Jimin shivers.

He kisses Taehyung's neck and steps back before he does something completely ridiculous. 

"Have a nice day," he says as he slips into his Dior boots.  Taehyung slowly shuffles after him.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he pouts as he slides on his jacket.

Taehyung pads closer.

"I'll see you soon," he finishes lamely. His voice lowers with every step Taehyung takes and now Taehyung is once again a mere breath away, looking down at him, the intensity of his dark eyes making Jimin swallow. "Soon," he repeats right before Taehyung's lips find his.

Out of all the deep, languorous, thorough and sweet kisses they shared, this one is so gentle and so intimate that it brings sudden tears to Jimin's eyes. He blinks them away and falls into the rhythm of the kiss, letting it sway him and soothe him.

They pull back and Taehyung's eyes stay closed, brows pinched ever so slightly. Jimin leans up and kisses that creased spot. Taehyung opens his eyes, and without breaking eye contact he gives him another kiss, one that is somehow both soft and biting. 

"Soon," he says back.

Jimin manages to slip away a moment later, dazed and breathless. He closes the door but instead of heading for the elevators he leans against it and lets it support his weight. He feels boneless. His heart is still beating frantically in his chest and his lips are tingling.

A moment later he hears a knock at the door. "Min-ah? You're still there?" Taehyung's raspy voice comes through.

Jimin laughs. "No, I'm already in my car. Couldn't wait to get away from you."

"Good, good. Otherwise I would have to kiss you again," Taehyung says. Jimin can hear the smile in his voice. 

"Thank God I left, then," he says, stepping away from the door just as Taehyung opens it. He falls into his arms within a second and if Jimin's late to his meeting, no one knows that Taehyung is to blame this time. 

No one but him.

~*~

They don't see each other for another couple of days. Taehyung's brother pays him an impromptu visit, so Jimin decides to keep working on his manuscript - he's been writing a book on and off for years now and he figured that this year would be as good as any to finish it - and binge watch the new drama Seokjin has been telling him about. 

On Wednesday morning, Yoongi invites all of them for dinner that day which puts Jimin in a very good mood. He never likes it when they're away from each other for too long and their last shared collective meal was at least five weeks ago. Thankfully all seven of them happen to be free that day so they all agree.

That evening, he's almost ready when he hears the familiar sound of his keypad beeping someone in. He looks away from the mirror where he was fixing his hair and grins when he sees Taehyung stepping in.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, taking in the typical Taehyung outfit: large brown slacks, large beige top and a maroon coat so big it could house an entire family. He slips out of his Gucci mules and strides forward. 

"Hi," he says, grinning. 

"Hi," Jimin smiles, staring at him (just a little). "Came to pick me up?"

"Yes and no."

Jimin quirks an eyebrow, amused. "Elaborate," he asks, crossing his arms.

Taehyung smiles even as a blush colours the apple of his cheeks. "So. Here's the deal. We have established that we can no longer be in the same room for any length of time without our mouths suddenly finding each other, correct?"

"That is our current predicament, yes," Jimin says, tamping down on a giggle. 

"It would be totally fine except we're going to be with the hyungdeul and Jungkookie tonight, for at least a few hours… Letting our urges run free might raise a few questions," Taehyung continues very pragmatically. 

"Indeed."

"Not to mention that we haven't seen each other in a couple of days. God knows what ridiculous situations our lips might trap us into," Taehyung adds, eyes twinkling as his lips twist this way and that to hold back a laugh.

"No one is safe," Jimin nods slowly, his own amusement tickling his mouth.

"So my proposal is that we get it all out of our system in the next," Taehyung looks down at his watch, "ten minutes, that way it'll be easier to play it cool during the rest of the evening."

Jimin snorts. "Just say you want to kiss me, that's fine with me, Tae-yah."

Taehyung smiles dims as the intensity of his eyes darken. He takes a few steps forward until he has Jimin pinned against the wall. "If we were to do what I really want tonight, you wouldn't be stepping a foot outside, Jimin."

Jimin settles against the wall, looking at him with a smirk playing at his lips. His blood is simmering with want, liquid heat pooling in the pit of his belly. 

"Ten minutes?" He asks, biting his bottom lip. Taehyung's eyes track the movement, the desire in his gaze unmistakable.

He steps closer, bringing himself flush against Jimin. The soft cotton of Taehyung's shirt kissing the cashmere of Jimin's turtleneck. He nods, his nose brushing Jimin's.

"No more kisses for the rest of the night?" Jimin asks, coy. He wraps his arms around Taehyung's neck.

"Don't go tempting sin, Jimin-ah. You might get burned," Taehyung whispers. 

Jimin understands exactly what he means because he can feel the ash of Taehyung’s yearning in the back of his own throat. 

"Let there be fire," he replies before pulling Taehyung into a kiss.

In the end, they kiss for more than ten minutes. Afterwards, the car ride is silent. Jimin watches the city lights pass by and tries not to think about the fact that with every kiss, he gets closer and closer to giving himself away. 

They need to talk. He knows that but… This all started as a game. As practice. On an invisible stage. It changed along the way. They changed; added a new layer to their dynamics. So far, he can only attest to his own change. Despite his heart knowing that the ways Taehyung kisses him, looks at him, holds him, talks to him aren't pretence; he can't help but wonder if Taehyung didn't get too caught up in this game. After all, up until very recently, that’s what Jimin thought, too. There’s one frightening possibility and it keeps him quiet during the drive. 

Maybe Jimin is alone in love.

Or worse of all: maybe he isn't in love at all. What does he know about love anyways? he's never been in love with someone, he's never dated anyone. He's never had the kind of intimate attention Taehyung has been bestowing on him. Maybe that's what Jimin is in love with. The thrill of the praise. After all, he likes to be loved and he's always liked Taehyung the most.

It would be far too easy to misinterpret lust and praise for love; especially with Taehyung who throws romantic lines at him like a drama lead.

"Hey Taehyung-ah," Jimin asks as they park in the lot under Yoongi's building.  - they each have allotted slots for the members in their garages. Jimin sees Jungkook and Hoseok cars parked on each side of Yoongi's. Taehyung slides in his slot, next to Jimin's empty one -

"Yeah?"

Taehyung is looking at him, head resting on the headrest. Jimin has an acute flashback to their first fake date and how he'd said people should beg for Jimin's kisses. That was barely two weeks ago and things have changed so much since then. 

Or maybe they haven't at all.

Jimin smiles through his worries. "What's your ideal type?" 

Taehyung smiles and shakes his head. "I'm not sure you're ready to hear the answer."

Jimin looks away and down at his lap. He's wearing one of Taehyung's rings. He plays with it and tamps down on his blooming sadness.

"They must be very special, right? For you to hold onto that thought for so long."

Taehyung cups the side of his face and brings Jimin's gaze back to his. His hand is so big but so gentle, his skin smells amazing but it’s the way he’s looking at Jimin that has his head spinning."They are," he says and then kisses Jimin so deeply that his mind wipes out. "They really are," he adds when they part.

"You said no more kisses for the rest of the night," Jimin remarks, mind hazy. 

"I said it would be easier, I never said I would be able to resist temptation," Taehyung winks and then, the bastard jumps out of the car. 

"You know I never imagined you to be such a flirt," Jimin says after stepping out of the car. Taehyung rounds the car and offers his hand. Jimin takes it and laces their fingers.

"Thought about me a lot, did you?" Taehyung teases. 

"Stop that. Don't look at me like that," Jimin shoves him aside.

"Make me stop," Taehyung halts them. 

Jimin looks up to him, steps close, gets on his tiptoes. The daring tilt of Taehyung’s lips chases away the last of his lingering worries. Taehyung has always been  gifted when it comes to cheering Jimin up.

"You're insatiable. Am I really that tasty?" he means it as a joke but Taehyung's eyes darken and Jimin hears his breath hitch in his throat. Jimin's teasing smile falters, his heart picking up speed. "Taehyung?"

Taehyung opens his mouth to reply but suddenly a car turns the corner. It's Seokjin. Taehyung steps away and lets Jimin's hand go.

Jimin suddenly feels cold.

Seokjin parks in his spot and a moment later he and Namjoon are on them, exchanging hugs and chattering away.

In the elevator, Taehyung and Jimin stand next to each other while Namjoon and Seokjin stand in front of them. Jimin is trying really hard not to cry which is so stupid. There's no reason to cry.

No rational one anyways.

Then, he feels it. The light touch of a pinky against his own. It starts at the base, right where he knows his mole is. Then slowly it slides down to the side of his nail. Jimin slowly turns back to look at Taehyung who is already staring at him. Taehyung's pinky curls against his own, like a silent promise. 

They stay locked until Namjoon knocks on Yoongi's door.

"I'll get it," they hear Jungkook yell from inside and they all smile. A moment later the door flies open and Jungkook's familiar, fond grin welcomes them. 

"Hyung," he exclaims and they all fall on him.

The evening goes wonderfully. Jimin is still confused and his heart still feels like it's being held between claws but he's with his family again and that takes precedence. Jimin has always been good at staying focused on the present and tonight, he relies heavily on that skill. 

Yoongi prepared way too much food, as per usual. They sit at his small dinner table - Yoongi likes them close when they eat (easier to share that way) - and catch up. Taehyung sits beside him and every now and then, puts something on Jimin's bowl. It's customary for them. Taehyung doesn't even pause in his conversation when he does it but under the table, their ankles are locked and inside, Jimin feels warm.

He feels loved.

Taehyung and Jungkook volunteer to do the dishes and Seokjin demands that Yoongi shows him the new game he installed on his PC, so Jimin takes the opportunity to slip outside on the balcony. The night air stings his warm cheeks and the moon isn't as full as it was when he was in Busan. Looking at it now, Jimin remembers how much he missed Taehyung those few days and how he's still no closer to understanding what is happening between them. 

The door opens and out comes Hoseok. He shivers and wraps his large cardigan closer around his lithe frame. He grins at Jimin and comes to stand right next to him.

"You look preoccupied, chickpea," Hoseok says quietly. 

Jimin leans his head against his shoulder and takes a steadying breath before opening up. "Falling in love with your best friend does that to a person," he says, wanting to admit it out loud, see how it tastes.

Jimin finds that it tastes like the truth. It tastes true and real. It feels right. 

Hoseok hums. "So, you went ahead and did the stupid thing," he says without an ounce of malice in his tone. He kisses the crown of Jimin's head.

"I ran right at it without even stopping," Jimin says.

"How is it?"

"Being in love?"

Hoseok nods. "With Taehyung," he clarifies. 

Jimin sighs. "God. He's either going to be the very best thing that's ever happened to me or the one person I'll mourn on my deathbed."

“That kind of love, huh?"

Jimin nods. "He ruined me for anyone else."

"Do you want to hear the funniest part?" Jimin whispers, smiling up at the moon. "Even if he doesn't love me like that... Even if my heart breaks... Even if I spend the rest of my life missing him, I won't regret this. I want it. I don't want it to stop."

Hoseok wraps his arm around Jimin.

"You know, I've been watching you two all night and the way he looks at you when you laugh... It's like all those love songs we sang about. The good ones. The ones that don't hurt but leave you changed for the better," Hoseok says.

Jimin straightens away from his shoulder. "Really?" Hope stings inside of him, tenacious and feral.

"Yeah,” Hoseok says with a soft smile. “I think maybe he's always looked at you like that, we just never thought about it outside the bounds of your special bond. Or maybe your special bond is just the tip of the iceberg and you two have been stupid all along."

Jimin feels suddenly overwhelmed as a thought occurs to him and tears spring up to his eyes. 

Hoseok frowns. "Jimin-ah? What is it?"

"What if he was the one alone in love? What if he suffered while I was too dumb to catch on?"

Hoseok frets, patting his shoulder and shaking his head. "Even if he fell in love first, he was loving you. And you loved him back. Yours is not the kind of love that hurts."

Jimin shakes his head, wiping at his face. He turns to look inside the apartment and Taehyung is standing on Yoongi's couch, arms spread wide as he grins down at Namjoon. Jungkook is sitting on the back of the couch, cackling. 

God he loves his people so goddamn much.

"I want him to be mine," Jimin says, turning to hoseok. "I want him to be my forever."

Hoseok grins, eyes misty. "God, my babies are in love," he blubbers as he hugs Jimin again.

"We have no proof that Taehyung's in love with me," he feels the need to insist because it’s safer to do so. Because if Hoseok is wrong and Jimin lets himself hope… the fallout would be wretched.

Hoseok pulls back and squints at him. "How many fake dates have you gone on?"

"Only two actually. Well three if you count the time we took a walk by the Han under the moonlight."

If anything, Hoseok’s squint intensifies. "Oh," he mumbles.

"But we have been... kissing. a lot," Jimin mutters, an involuntary smile pulling at his lips.

Hoseok’s expression shifts, going from a curious squint to an exasperated glare. "I'm going back inside. You stay here," he huffs

"Why?" Jimin pouts.

"The pea that serves as your brain obviously needs more oxygen," Hoseok shoots over his shoulders as he heads for the door.

Surprised by the snark, Jimin bursts out laughing. "Hyung!" he complains through giggles. Hoseok shakes his head at him and leaves.

Jimin stays on the balcony for long enough that his hands and feet get a little too cold. Taehyung joins him.

"You okay?" he asks as he leans against Jimin. How does that feel so familiar and yet so thrillingly new?

Jimin nods. "Just thinking," he says. 

"About good things?"

Jimin gives him a soft smile and a small kiss on the cheek. "About my favourite thing," he replies.

Taehyung gives his forehead a lingering, tender kiss. Jimin feels safe here, no worries can touch him here. This already feels like forever. 

"Good," Taehyung says and holds him.

They go back inside when Jimin starts shivering uncontrollably. Taehyung leads him to one of the loveseats, grabs one of the throws in passing, then he wraps Jimin in it and pulls him until they're sitting with Jimin in his lap. 

Hoseok sends Jimin a pointed look but he chooses to ignore him in favour of snuggling closer to Taehyung. Yoongi passes Jimin a beer and Taehyung a coke. The seven of them settle around the living room and the rest of the night is spent in the familiar comfort of their mingling laughters, their indignant screeches and the ebb and flow of their conversations. Yoongi brings out a cake that he had delivered and Jimin feeds bites of strawberry to Taehyung. 

His heart is so full and his mind a little hazy from the drinks. Taehyung's fingers are in his hair and Jimin feels so warm that he slowly drifts to sleep. The last thing he remembers is Taehyung's arm tightening around him and the soft kiss he gives to the side of his head.

"Sweetheart," someone whispers in his ears. Jimin mumbles something and cuddles closer. "Come on, Jimin-ah, wake up," the voice says again but Jimin clings harder to the soft cotton under him. A deep chuckle resonates in his ears. "I can't carry you."

"Please?" Jimin pouts.

"No," Taehyung laughs, trying to detangle Jimin's hand from his shirt.

"Not even for a kiss?" Jimin's pouts intensifies. A moment passes with no reply, no laughter. Taehyung's hands have gone slack against him and he has frozen under Jimin.

"Did Jimin just offer Taehyung a kiss?"

Jimin is suddenly wide awake as Seokjin's words register.

"That's what I heard, yes," Yoongi says. Jimin hears him take a slow sip of his drink. 

Silence reigns and Jimin finally dares to open his eyes. The five others are just staring at them, varying degrees of surprise on their faces.

"As a joke?" Jungkook asks, looking like he’s ready to laugh if that’s what the situation demands..

"As bros?" Namjoon tries. Hoseok slaps the back of his head. 

"Really, Namjoon?"

"What?" Namjoon shoots back defensively. "It's Taehyung and Jimin. That's literally their whole... vibe," he defends with a wiggle of his hands.. 

Yoongi is just sipping his beer, eyes locked on Taehyung. There's something lurking in his eyes and Jimin immediately understands. He twists to look at Taehyung, the blanket slipping off his shoulders. He feels a little colder but not for long. Taehyung's warm hands come to rub his arms.

"Did you talk to Yoongi hyung?"

"About us? Yeah. You talked to Hoseok hyung," Taehyung shrugs.

In the background seokjin is ranting about the use of the word us but Jimin ignores that. 

"How did you know I talked to Hyung?"

"Because I know you," Taehyung replies, leaning down to brush a soft kiss on Jimin's chin. 

"What did you talk about?" Jimin asks, ignoring Jungkook and Seokjin who are actively yelling by now. 

"This and that. All and nothing. Too much and not enough, you know... us," Taehyung says, voice low, intimate.

Jimin feels like curling up in a ball; too small for everything roaring inside of him. 

"Can you guys leave?" Jimin asks without turning to look at the other five.

"Excuse me?" Seokjin says, outraged but Jimin can hear Jungkook pulling him up.

"Don't go too far, this couch cost me an arm and two legs," Yoongi mumbles as he removes himself from the situation. 

"See? I told you! You just needed oxygen,” Hoseok says as he helps Jungkook drag Seokjin away.

"Are you alright?" Namjoon asks once on his feet. Jimin turns to him and offers him a smile. 

"Yeah, Hyung. Don't worry."

"I always worry," Namjoon says, patting both their heads and then following the others out of the living room.

"Do you think they actually left?" Taehyung asks.

"Seokjin is definitely listening in," Jimin smiles down at him. They hear a gasp (Seokjin) and a giggle (Jungkook) and Taehyung shakes his head. The noises fade, a door closes and then there's only silence. 

"You said us," Jimin said when his heart can't take it anymore.

"I did. Is that okay?"

Jimin nods. "I like us. I really like us."

Taehyung's face softens as his hands stop warming Jimin's arms. They settle on his shoulders instead and Jimin thinks he could drown in the bare affection lining his eyes and mouth.

"I want to ask you a question. A really important one but I'm scared," Jimin admits.

Taehyung cups the sides of his neck. "Why are you scared?"

"Because once I know the answer, everything will change," Jimin says. 

Taehyung nods, fingers brushing Jimin's jaw. "Through the changing seasons, remember? Stay," Taehyung says. "Nothing could change us ."

Heart already fragile, the mention of their song makes Jimin's eye well up.

"That's such a cheap shot," he shoots. Taehyung gives him a swift kiss.

"Ask me, Jimin-ah. I want to tell you," he whispers against Jimin's lips.

"You do?" Jimin asks, a little surprised.

"The words are burning my tongue," Taehyung replies. 

Jimin's heart hiccups. "Okay. Alright," he takes a deep breath, feeling the pulse of his heart against Taehyung's fingers. "Taehyung-ah, am I your ideal type?"

Taehyung's answering smile is enigmatic, his eyebrows the main characters instead of his lips. He leans forward, still gazing at Jimin as he brushes their lips together. Then, with a smirk he says, "no."

Jimin's heart sinks as he stares at him in shock.

"Oh," he tries to laugh off his disappointment. "That's not the answer I was expecting," he adds, tucking his chin into his neck to hide the sudden overwhelming urge to cry.

Taehyung uses his curled index to tilt Jimin's chin back up. "Me neither," he says.

Confusion and hurt swim inside Jimin, making him ache dully. "I'm not sure I'm following," he admits, throat dry. 

"I thought you were. for the longest time. I used to daydream about it. The moment where you'd look up one day, our eyes would catch. I'd smile at you and you'd have this... realisation," Taehyung explains softly. "I would smile at you and hope this would be the one smile that would make you fall in love with me. I was so young and lost and you were such a beacon. I loved you so much and I ended up idealising you," he finishes, playing with the fold of Jimin's turtleneck. 

Jimin's heart constricts, shrinks, hurts. "I wasted your smiles," he whispers. Taehyung's eyes jump from his fingers against Jimin's neck to Jimin’s eyes. 

"No, beloved,” he says, firm certainty, lacing the short word and making the constricts around Jimin’s heart ease slightly. “No moment spent hoping for you is lost."

"You've been loving me?" Jimin asks, pieces of his heart falling out of his mouth, wrapped around his words.

Taehyung's smile turns shy. "A little more every day. If there was ever a red string in my life, it was you. It grew thicker, layers added every time you've shown me affection,” he says, tone quietly tender. His fingers are sliding back and forth between the fabric of Jimin’s turtleneck, soothing and tantalizing at the same time. “You set me on fire with every touch and you ignited my soul with every smile. My love for you started as pebbles. I would stack them up as I dreamed of kissing you,” he says with a slow, beautiful smile. Jimin can barely stand looking at him. “Now, it's a mountain strong enough to carry the entire world," Taehyung's hand cups Jimin's cheek now and his thumb swipes away his tears. 

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Taehyung shrugs. “It wasn't a burden. I knew you loved me, even if it wasn't like I hoped you would. We were busy. We couldn't really do anything about it anyways. It was just one of those things that I couldn't have but complaining about it - even just to Yoongi hyung - would make me feel like a whiny kid. So, I let it be. I hoped it would erode with time but after years I stopped hoping for that, too."

"Why?"

Taehyung’s eyes are piercing as they pin Jimin. His smile verges on delighted, now. To Jimin, it seems like Taehyung has been waiting for years to simply confess and the mere act is bringing him joy. If it’s anything like the joy currently wreaking havoc on him, he understands it.

“Because I like you the most, Jimin-ah. I like loving you. I loved hoping for you."

"Oh, Taehyung. Oh, sweetheart," Jimin scrambles to find the appropriate words, to latch on just one of the emotions coursing through him right now and speak on it. But Taehyung is looking at him with stars in his eyes, devoted galaxies just for him. A look he's seen hundreds of times before. A look that has a name now. 

"Besides, it's not like I could. I've tried. I've actively tried to forget you but," there he stops and sighs. His head thumps against the headrest and he stares at the ceiling, a chuckle leaving his mouth.

"But what?" Jimin asks.

"Can you expect your heart not to pump blood into your veins? Ask the moon not to influence the oceans? Would you ask the birds not to sing in joy when spring comes back? Or ask the roots of a tree not to dig into the earth and keep itself alive?" Taehyung shakes his head, a self-deprecating twist to his mouth, now.. "You brightened my life, enhanced every picture of us like a fucking filter," he continues, taking one of Jimin's hands and lacing their fingers together. "People  only feel like quitting things that diminish them;  it wasn’t like that at all for me. You never made me feel like I wasn't the most important part of your day either. So what if you've never felt like kissing me until two weeks ago? I never felt like I was lacking. I yearned for you but I never missed you. Does that make sense?"

Jimin nods. "Is that why you suggested the fake dating thing?"

Taehyung quirks an eyebrow. "That was a mutual thing," he reminds him. 

Jimin shakes his head, allowing that. "Wasn't it a dangerous bargain for you, though? To agree to it, I mean."

"I wasn't bargaining my love. Or anything else for that matter. I wasn't expecting anything actually."

Jimin frowns. Taehyung grins and leans forward to kiss the crease between his eyebrows. He wraps his arms around him and brings him closer. He looks at him deeply, amusement and affection lurking in his eyes. He touches the tip of his nose with Jimin's.

"I’ll admit I was a tiny bit selfish on this one. You’ll have to forgive me; years of longing were stronger than my morals,” he says with a chuckle. Jimin can’t help but smile in commiseration; flattered beyond words. “I saw it as an opportunity. Not necessarily to awaken feelings in you but to at least have my dream for a while. And Ii thought it would be easy... I thought it would be enough. But then you started... I don't know. The way you looked at me changed. There was a sort of frustration in your gaze. As if you, too, wanted something more than just pretense. Something in me recognised it and I...," he looks at Jimin there, beseeching. "I hoped."

Jimin’s next release of breath comes out sounding almost like a sob. He looks at him, lets all his longing and love shine through. Taehyung’s gaze captures the nuance and his eyelashes flutter as tears spring to his eyes. 

"You made it so easy," Jimin whispers, tucking strands of hair behind Taehyung's ear.

"What?" Taehyung asks , leaning into Jimin's touch.

Jimin smiles at him, heart racing towards the finish line. "Falling in love with you.” They're so close that Jimin actually hears the way Taehyung's breath hitches in his throat. His eyes widen and his lips part. Jimin leans his forehead against his and closes his eyes, breathing in. "You had me wrapped around your little finger with a few lines and a single scorching look," he adds, pressing a soft kiss to the plush mounds of Taehyung's cheeks. "It's like I was just waiting for permission to fall. Basically, all you had to do was ask, Tae-yah."

Taehyung laughs wetly and tightens his arms around Jimin’s waist. They hold each other close for a moment, savouring this embrace. Savouring this new beginning. 

"Sorry I ended up not being the ideal you'd hoped for," Jimin adds after a while, feeling the need to grieve for Taehyung's dreams, for the years he spent alone in love, for all the time they wasted because Jimin couldn't see what laid between them. 

Taehyung shakes his head. "I don't want you to be a fictionalised, idealised version of yourself, a young, horny and bleeding hearted me imagined. I don't want us to be limited by expectations. That's why I've loved these last couple of weeks so much. Our love unravelled and bloomed between us, naturally.Iit was real and organic. It felt good… So good . It was better than anything I could have imagined," he says, eyes straying to Jimin's lips. "The way you kiss me, Jimin. Fuck ," he breathes before pulling him in for a deep kiss. Jimin falls into it, lets him take anything he needs; kisses him back with every shred of himself. They part too soon, but Taehyung lingers close, oecking his lips a few more times. They’re panting and Jimin can feel desire awakening inside of him, like a simmering potion. "I couldn't have imagined or done justice to the hunger and gentleness of your kisses. Not in a million years. There are no words for the way you make me feel when you kiss me back. Love is the stepping stone but it's not the whole monument."

Jimin is still breathing harshly, heart too big for his body, too big for this city. He cups Taehyung's cheek and pulls him for another kiss.

"I love you. Very much," he whispers when they pull back. "I don't have pretty words like yours but I understand them. I feel the same way. I don't ever want to live a day without your kisses anymore," he punctuates every sentence with a sweet kiss.

Taehyung's shivering under him. "Do you want to go make out on my bed?" He offers.

"God, yes, let's get out of here."

They scramble out a moment later, hand in hand, stopping every two steps to exchange another kiss.

The next morning, the group chat has around five hundred messages waiting for them but Jimin doesn't check. He shoves his phone under his pillow and rolls over to kiss a laughing Taehyung.

~*~

Walking out of the bathroom takes more courage than Jimin’s ever had to find within himself ever before. His heart is beating so fast that his fingers are shaking. Warmth prickles his cheeks and looking at his reflection in the mirror is making heat pool in his belly.

He feels liquid, shaky, nervous. 

He knows he looks good. He understands why Taehyung asked for this or why he would even want it. Jimin would love nothing more than to have their positions reversed and look at him like this, too. But when they had that fateful conversation last week about fantasies and kinks, what Jimin asked for was: taehyung on his knees in front of him, his pretty wrists bound behind his back, his face upturned and his lips parted as Jimin came all over his face. It’s an image that’s been taunting him for weeks now and admitting to it made him feel dizzy. 

Taehyung looked at him, a flush dancing on his cheeks, eyes hazy as he enthusiastically nodded. Then it was his turn to name a fantasy and the first thing he admitted wanting was to see Jimin wearing pretty lace panties, preferably black.

So, here Jimin stands; almost naked and feeling more nervous than he’s ever been. 

He’s spent the last two days shopping in various lingerie boutiques. His initial intention was to buy the one piece and get it over with but the moment he had one in hand, he couldn’t help but imagine the look on Taehyung’s face when he eventually sees him in it. It unlocked something primal in him and suddenly, his main goal in life was to wear as much lingerie for Taehyung’s hungry eyes as his bottomless bank account allowed. 

Which turned out to be A Lot of Lingerie. 

Buying the piece he chose to wear right now felt incredible. The moment he saw these panties in the store he knew they were perfect. They’re big enough to gather his cock neatly in the front without restricting it. In the back, the fabric digs slightly in the plushest part of his ass, making it look even juicier than it actually is. The black of the lace looks amazing, contrasting perfectly with his skin tone, and it’s wonderfully soft. Jimin can’t stop touching the intricate lace. 

He looks good. He really does but that doesn’t make stepping out of the ensuite any easier. The moment he does however, he quietly curses himself out for not joining Taehyung sooner. The sight that welcomes him back snatches the very breath from his lungs. Any notion to play it cool or maybe even engage in some sort of teasing play flies out of the window. He had every intention to chase away his nerves by leaning against the door and acting coy but the moment his eyes fall on Taehyung, Jimin’s composure falters. 

Taehyung is kneeling in the middle of the room, his wrists bound behind him as agreed upon. He’s naked except for the white gold necklace dangling from his neck. The one Jimin bought him last week that matches perfectly with the one he’s wearing. A moon to Jimin’s star. 

Taehyung immediately looks up when Jimin opens the door and his jaw gradually falls with every step Jimin takes inside.

“Min-ah,” he breathes. His eyes are soft and wide at first but as they linger on the outline of Jimin’s cock through the lace, they turn hungry. “Fuck, you’re,” he licks his lips and swallows. Jimin’s own eyes follow the jump of his Adam’s Apple with something akin to ferocity. “You’re gorgeous,” Taehyung breathes out.

“You like?” Jimin asks, feeling a bit more like himself now that Taehyung’s praise is burrowing right into his core; straightening his back and lifting his shoulders.

Taehyung’s eyes find his again, dark and bottomless. Jimin can’t wait to drown. “Like? Jimin, I never want to look at anything else ever again,” he exhales, gaze wandering down again. “Come closer, please,” he begs and Jimin has to fight off a blush and maintain control. 

So, instead of moving forward he says, “You haven’t even seen the best part yet,” he murmurs, a teasing lilt to his voice. 

Taehyung licks his lips, a slow drag of his tongue over his bottom lip. His expression is pained when he asks, “There’s more?”

Jimin smiles before taking a slow turn, wiggling from side to side and arching up just enough to bring his ass closer to Taehyung’s face. But not close enough for Taehyung to touch in any way. He looks over his shoulder, down at his boyfriend and smirks. 

“Fuck,” Taehyung garbles, eyes intent on Jimin’s behind. He looks up at Jimin and all but begs with his eyes. Jimin shakes his head, so Taehyung shuffles forward just enough to make his intentions clear.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Jimin tuts. He takes a step forward and away from Taehyung’s seeking mouth. “We said no touching,” Jimin reminds him.

Taehyung groans and hangs his head. Then he snapsit back up and pleads, “One bite. Just let me bury my face in it for a moment and I’ll let you do whatever you want to me later.”

Jimin quirks an eyebrow. “A bite?”

“God, yes ,” Taehyung says fervently. “I’ve been dreaming about it since the first time I saw you in your underwear.”

An indecent thrill goes through Jimin as he thinks about it. “That long, huh?”

Taehyung’s eyes bore into Jimin’s, intimate and daring. “Come closer, Angel.”

Jimin can’t deny him any longer. They’re still so new at this. They’ve only just progressed past the point of kissing and hand stuff. They’ve been official for nearly a month now but they’ve only actually fucked last week. It’s been open season since then, of course. They haven’t been able to spend more than a few hours without pouncing on each other but despite the regularity and volume of orgasms, Jimin has yet to get a grip on himself.

It gets a little easier with every touch, every kiss, every praise moaned into his mouth but he’s not there just yet. He would mind a lot more if this wasn’t so exhilarating. It’s a rapture, this insatiable need to have Taehyung’s hands and mouth on him at all times. Taehyung sent him a poem titled Rapture that captures perfectly how it felt to be with him. Jimin printed out his favourite lines and hung the frame in his room.

Then love comes, like a sudden flight of birds

from earth to heaven after rain. Your kiss

recalled, unstrings, like pearls, this chain of words .

Jimin’s been thinking about getting a flight of birds tattooed on his shoulders ever since Taehyung shared the poem with him. It would be his first romantic tattoo and he enjoys the idea of having their secret hiding in plain sight. They might not be able to be as free as they wish with their love and affection but he can have this. Taehyung would know and that would be enough. 

He would have their love etched on his skin; maybe that will help tame the yearning lust dancing inside him constantly. Maybe that will help Jimin keep a firmer grasp on the reins of his control.

He’s been doing such a poor job of it. 

He wishes he could say he felt bad but as he steps back far enough for Taehyung’s nose to brush the lace covering his ass, he can’t deny that this is just as much fun as teasing him has proven to be. 

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” he whispers, anticipation coursing through him, turning his blood to champagne. “Go on, baby,” he adds.

Taehyung exhales harshly, his breath fanning across Jimin’s barely covered skin. He shivers as it slightly tickles his balls. Jimin finds himself clenching, gnawing on his bottom lip. Then, he feels it, the bite; teeth sinking slowly partly into his bare skin and partly over the lace. He gasps, the sound ripped from his lips. He can feel Taehyung’s tongue flat against his skin and juxtaposition of the sting and the soft wetness has Jimin’s cock fattening, the soft fabric tightening around it. 

He didn’t expect it to feel so good and he can’t help but press back, arch into Taehyung’s mouth. A part of him feels frustrated that Taehyung is bound, that he can’t feel the bite of his fingers on his own thighs. He sighs, trying to reassure himself that they’ll have plenty of time for that and more. 

Taehyung pulls back, tongue lingering just a moment longer, dancing over the seam of Jimin’s panties. The sensation is so delicate yet so sinful that a shiver runs down Jimin’s spine. He barely has time to catch his breath before Taehyung shifts and buries his face between his ass cheeks. The movement makes the fabric shift, tightening further across Jimin’s skin. His cock hardens further and he hangs his head back, swallowing down a moan. 

“I-is that all you want?” he asks as Taehyung inhales deeply. 

A pause. Taehyung shakes his head no, which is a feat on its own since it’s still merging with Jimin’s ass. 

“Then let me turn around, love,” he coaxes. 

Taehyung doesn’t move beyond opening his mouth. Jimin knows because he can feel his tongue again. The thought of having it on him, teasing his rim, without any fabric playing barrier between their skins almost makes Jimin buckle with need. 

“Later,” he says with a strangled laugh and steps away. He turns around and looks down at Taehyung. His boyfriend’s pupils are blown, his lips are wet and his cheeks flushed. If this is sin, let Jimin rule hell. He steps closer and presents his half hard, lace covered dick. 

“What do you want, Taehyung-ah?”

In response, he opens his mouth, tilting his face up in invitation. Lust darkens Jimin’s vision; the sheer provocation in Taehyung’s eyes goes straight to his cock. He smirks and brings his hand to it, he slides his fingers under the soft fabric and curls them around the base of his dick. He tightens his hold just enough to release some of the tension and make more blood flow. His eyelashes flutter and Taehyung zeroes in on the slight movement. His eyes darken as he leans forward ever so slightly.

Jimin grins at him and relieves his dick from its confines. He sighs quietly and strokes himself a couple of times, gathering precum on his way and thumbing at his slit. He doesn’t know what’s bringing him more pleasure, the physical contact or the way Taehyung follows the movement with his eyes, devotion and hunger stretching across his features. 

“Wet it for me, will you?” he offers with a taunt in his voice and a daring quirk of his eyebrows.

Taehyung’s nostrils flare. “Finally,” he sighs. 

Jimin brings the head of his cock to his lips, rubbing pink over pink, leaving traces of his need there. Taehyung follows the path of Jimin’s cock with his tongue, tasting Jimin along the way. His big brown eyes are round, staring at Jimin as if asking for more. Jimin gives in, shifts until the head of his cock breaches Taehyung’s lips. 

Taehyung closes his eyes, a blissful noise leaving his mouth. He sucks around the head, his tongue pressing against the slit. Jimin is a cascade and shivers are his water. Taehyung’s dark eyelashes fan across his cheekbones, a striking contrast to the flush on his hollowed cheeks. Jimin lets go of his cock and brings that hand to Taehyung’s face, cupping it gently. He opens his eyes and Jimin says, “I’m going to fuck your mouth, now.” He takes a deep breath and, maintaining eye contact, he carries on. “Blink once if you don’t want that.”

Taheyung’s eyes remain wide open. Jimin nods. “Okay, good. Do you have the toy, like I asked?” In response, Taehyung presses on the plastic toy that is hidden between his bound hands. The toy belongs to Yeontan and it makes an annoying squeaky sound when you press on it. Jimin grins. “Good boy,” he praises. “If you feel uncomfortable in any way.. Squeak and I’ll pull back.”

They could have had a proper conversation but Jimin is loath to pull out of Taehyung’s sweet mouth. 

Taehyung presses on the toy to acquiesce and Jimin laughs. “I’ll be gentle, I promise,” he says, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Taehyung smiles with his eyes, mouth still busy gently sucking.

Jimin straightens up and shifts his hand until he can card it through Taehyung’s silky, smooth hair. He curls his fingers around a few strands, tightening his hold as he slowly starts to inch forward. He knows Taehyung won’t be able to take all of him in, not at first anyways. Jimin’s too big and Taehyung is often sloppy when it comes to blowjobs. Still, he’s impressed when Taehyung relaxes his jaw further and further. By the third slow stroke, Jimin is almost hitting the back of his throat.

Taehyung’s mouth is so warm, he takes him in so well, that Jimin’s struggles to keep his thrust steady. He pushes in a little too far once and Taehyung chokes. Tears spring to his eyes, drool gathers at the corner of his mouth but he doesn’t protest. No squeak is heard. The only sound in the room is the one of skin sliding against skin and their cut-off, broken moans. 

Jimin eases back but keeps his cock inside Taehyung’s mouth. He sucks on it eagerly, closing his eyes and moaning around it. It’s obscene, and worst of all it works. Jimin is close to coming already. He doesn’t want this to end so soon though, so he digs deep, past the desperate need and the shivering lust, finds his beloved control and keeps slowly fucking into Taehyung’s mouth. 

It’s like playing with a knife, the soft pressure of the blade tantalising, the feeling of near relief every time he presses deeper into his mouth. The danger isn’t cumming too soon, letting the knife pierce his skin, but rather how fast he’s going to need it again.

How long before he begs for more?

He tightens his hold in Taehyung’s hair, pulling him down the length of his cock this time instead of being the one to move forward. Taehyung goes down easily, eagerly swallowing him in. Jimin keeps him there, stops him from moving and pulls back. A shallow withdrawal, quickly pushing in again. He repeats the motion until sweat drips down his back, until stars behind his eyes and his belly blazes up.

He feels Taehyung freezes and the next moment, a long squeak, as if Taehyung maintained the pressure involuntarily. Still, Jimin hurries to pull back and cup Taehyung’s face in both hands. He leans down, looking over him, searching for something wrong. That’s when he finally notices the warm wetness dripping down his own shin. He looks at Taehyung’s dick and notes that it’s already softening. 

When he looks up at Taehyung again, his boyfriend looks both pained and blissed out. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

Jimin kisses his bruised mouth, both its corners, the soft center, his nose and then chin.

“It’s okay, babe,” he reassures. “I’m close, too.”

Taehyung nods and takes a couple of deep breaths. “I’m ready,” he says. He looks so cutely determined that Jimin can’t help but lean down for another kiss. Taehyung opens up for him, melts under the touch, sighs into his mouth as if coming home. 

“Love you,” Jimin mumbles against his lips.

The sentiment is echoed back to him, falling from Taehyung’s lips like a promise. Like the forever of a tattoo on skin. Jimin smiles as he wraps his fingers around his still very hard and wet cock. He strokes himself urgently, keeping himself close to Taehyung’s lips. It doesn’t take long for him to encounter the edge of that familiar cliff. The sight of Taehyung licking his lips in anticipation is what does it. He chokes as his orgasm is punched out of him, painting Taehyung’s face white. 

While Jimin revels in the euphoric pleasure, Taehyung licks what he can, eyes still locked with Jimin’s. 

“You’re a fucking menace,” Jimin pants.

Taehyung hums happily as he sucks in his bottom lip, a coy look in his eyes.

Jimin has never felt so connected to another person. “Come on, demon. Let’s clean up,” he says as he helps Taehyung get to his feet. He unties his hands and gently massage his wrists, leaving kisses along the red skin. Taehyung watches him indulgently, a small smile playing on his face.

“This too,” he says pointing to his red lips. 

Jimin coos. “My poor baby,” he says before pressing a gentle kiss there too. “Better?”

“Yeah but I still want more,” Taehyung says, wrapping his arms around him. Jimin thinks he’ll never get over the feeling of having their naked bodies pressed so close. 

“When will it be enough?” Jimin asks.

“How long do we have?” Taehyung says, nuzzling his cheek.

“If I could, I would stretch our lives to last an eternity,” Jimin replies.

“That still wouldn’t be enough,” Taehyung says before kissing him again. Jimin is inclined to agree.

“Come on, let’s shower. I’m hungry,” Jimin says, stepping back and taking his hand to lead him to the bathroom. “We can pretend to watch a movie afterwards,” he says with a wink thrown over his shoulder. Taehyung laughs and wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him flush against him.

“We still haven’t watched that bird documentary,” he comments as he peppers kisses along Jimin’s jaw.

“Those poor birds,” Jimin sighs, tilting his head to allow him better access to his neck.

“They can wait,” Taehyung says.

And they will, Jimin thinks as he closes the bathroom door and leads his boyfriend to the shower. 

Jimin is sleeping soundly these days. Life is still a funny, weird, unfathomable thing - maybe even more so than before - but at least he’s not alone. He never really was. 

F I N