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Qin Yi Heng coming to his room was not that unusual - they lived on the same compound, after all, and they would often talk about new clues, or anything new they found - most of their notes and maps were in Qin Er’s room, that much is true, but nevertheless, Qin Er would still come down to his room.
He wasn’t the most intuitive conversationalist, but through this time of knowing each other, Jiang Shuo had realised that he was trying his best. (Honestly, having seen his brother, he couldn’t blame him for his lacking social skills.) He would come down, bring something to eat or drink, and they would chat over the food, and just generally spend time together.
It was nice, even when Qin Er would gently tease him about his relationship with Mu Qing. Relationship? It was that, wasn’t it? Everything was so complicated ever since the games had started with Liu Zhi. The games started, and suddenly Qin Er was in his life, and somehow he was the least complicated part of it.
It was weird.
He didn’t really have long-term connections - his gaps in his memory blocked him from having them, his longest friendships were with the people at the compound. Even between all these people he had only known for barely more than a year, Qin Er was still a recent arrival.
And yet, between all this chaos, it felt like he was the one who kept him anchored.
Sometimes literally, walking with him through people’s Psych, offering his insight.
So him coming down was not the unusual part.
Him looking troubled wasn’t unusual either.
He had his doubts - his questions, his concerns. His father was back, but there were still many questions, and his brother…
Well.
His brother was the way he was.
So he would sometimes be concerned - sometimes he would talk about these concerns, sometimes he would just want to drink with him, and listen to Jiang Shuo talk.
So Jiang Shuo would tell him of other people’s Psych he visited before they met, the kind of things he had seen - of chaos the performers had gotten into.
He only had one year worth of memories, but that one year was enough to tell stories for Qin Er to enjoy, to distract him a little.
So he assumed that was gonna be the case this time too, when Qin Er sat down across him, troubles clearly clouding his expression.
“Jiang Shuo… I need your help.”
“Sure,” He replied without thinking. “What’s wrong?”
Qin Er swallowed, looking to the side briefly.
“Ever since what happened in Sun Zhi Liang’s Psych, I have trouble connecting my thoughts,” His words were slow, but methodical, clearly had been thinking over how to put the issue together. “I feel like I don’t see clearly, my memories are scattered. I need help putting them back in order, and I’m wondering if you could… go into my Psych and see if it’s something that can be sorted out there.”
Jiang Shuo’s stomach dropped, and for a moment, Qin Er looked just as lost as he did back there in the Psych of the tailor, after god knows how long had passed for him.
“...of course. Of course I’ll help. But… aren’t you afraid I’d find rooms wall to wall with my picture this time?”
He was teasing, trying to ignore the way his chest was tightening, and Qin Er just looked at him over his glasses, with an oh-so-familiar expression.
“If you find one, I’m gonna pay for your food for a whole month.”
“Deal,” Jiang Shuo grinned. “I’m gonna hold you to your word.”
It’ll be fine.
Everything will be alright.
~*~
“I’m going to go with you and help you. It’s better if someone is there with you, right? And I worry about Yi Heng as well. So I’m going.”
Mu Qing’s voice was firm, as she sat down at the table as well.
Qin Er nodded, clearly not minding her presence, and he looked up at Jiang Shuo, as he was making his preparations. Master Bu Yan was the one asked to bring them back, once the time was there - it made sense, and he was free, and willing to look over the three of them, to make sure nothing would happen.
“We never really went into the mind of someone who didn’t have his guard up or wasn’t actively trying to deceive us. What do you expect, what’s going to happen?”
“A mind has its defense mechanism, no matter how willingly you are letting us in,” Jiang Shuo said, putting his coins around his fingers. “It shouldn’t be harsh, though.”
Qin Er nodded, taking a deep breath.
“I’m ready.”
“See you soon, Qin Er.”
He let the coins fall.
The scent of the dragon candle filled the air.
~*~
“So we are starting at Yi Heng’s house, huh.”
“This house is insane,” Jiang Shuo muttered, eyes fixed on the mansion as the two of them walked up towards it. “Did you know Qin Er promised me I could move in once this situation is solved? I’m gonna take him up on his word.”
Mu Qing laughed, walking next to him.
“And what will happen if you’ll marry me, huh?”
“Do you see how big this mansion is? You can move in with me. Obviously.”
He had a half-thought of General Yuan will absolutely freak out when he hears that, but he pushed that thought away. Even a marriage seemed far away now.
First of all, they needed to figure out a way to help Qin Er.
That’s what they were here for, after all.
They tried the front door.
The lights were clearly on, but the door was locked.
“Okay,” Jiang Shuo sighed, raising his hands, but Mu Qing grabbed his wrists.
“Why don’t we try knocking?”
“...you know this isn’t really his home, right? We can’t just check if anyone is home.”
“I know,” Mu Qing shook her head. “But this is his Psych, and he knows we are coming. His mind might be prepared to help us. Would it hurt to try?”
So Jiang Shuo sighed, and knocked on the door.
For a few moments, nothing.
Then the door opened, and Mu Qing looked at him, with a proud smile.
“...don’t get too proud of yourself.”
“This is an outside-the-normal situation, Jiang Shuo,” She said in a teasing tone. “We might need outside-the-normal thought process here. Good thing I tagged along, huh?”
“Okay you know wha---”
He couldn’t finish, because he saw the figure of who opened the door for them.
It was Jiang Shuo.
More precisely, he definitely looked like Jiang Shuo.
He had his hair up like he always did in the Psych, but wore his regular clothes - only his leather gloves were present.
And this weird person grinned at them.
“Welcome. Come on in. I believe you are here because you got work to do.”
~*~
Jiang Shuo followed himself inside the mansion - the layout was much different than what he had seen before, in Qin Yi’s Psych.
There were many, many more doors, some of them floating in the air, some of them half-buried in the ground.
“What’s going on?” Mu Qing whispered, and Jiang Shuo slowly shook his head.
“Qin Er did say his memories are scattered. Makes sense why his Psych is this disoriented.”
“That’s not what I mean. Why are you here?”
“I think… I think it must be his defense mechanism. Makes sense - he found out about how the Psych works from me. He associates this entire experience with me. Makes sense why his defense mechanism would be led by… me.”
“Aaaand, correct,” Not-Jiang-Shuo turned around, standing in the middle of the area they were in. “I’m letting you in because Qin Er wants me to, that’s the gist of it. So I’ll let you go and look around. Just don’t meddle in what you don’t have to, and you’ll be fine.”
“Any help on where we might start?”
“Nope!” The unhelpful defense mechanism grinned. “But you don’t need to worry about the buried doors. Those lead to childhood memories, ones that are normal to forget. If I find traces of a door that is buried, but should not be, I’ll let you know. Off you go! I have my own job to do, and your time is limited isn’t it?”
And then he smirked again, before turning around and disappearing behind a swirling door.
“Well that was rude,” Jiang Shuo huffed. “Where does he get that attitude from?”
“Probably from you,” Mu Qing rolled her eyes. “Or at least how Yi Heng sees you.”
“Well I’m gonna have to have a few choice words with Qin Er then. I’m very helpful! Not like this at all.”
Anyway.
Time to go digging.
~*~
Behind one of the doors was a living room, and two figures were sitting at a chess table - Qin Er and his brother.
Qin Er was playing black, Qin Yi Chi was playing white.
Jiang Shuo didn’t know a lot about chess, but he could see that Qin Er had fewer pieces.
“Let me get this straight,” Qin Yi Chi said, moving one of his pieces. “You refuse to take part in the business. And now you say you won’t even get married.”
“Marriage?” Jiang Shuo frowned. “Qin Er never mentioned there were plans of him getting married.”
“Makes sense there were plans to do so,” Mu Qing shook her head. “They are a rich family, and the Qin name needs to persevere. Old Master Qin has two sons, so it makes sense he would look for wives.”
“I will get married when I get married,” Qin Er replied, looking over the board. “Besides you are the older son. It’s only fitting that you get married first.”
“Bold of you to keep to traditions,” Qin Yi Chi hissed. “Oh, brother, you are older, you take over the business. Oh brother, you are older, you get married first. Meanwhile you are running around with a punk on the streets chasing some shadow.”
“I am looking for our father.”
Qin Yi Chi slammed his hand on the table, making the pieces rattle.
Qin Er just looked up at him, his expression not changing.
“Punk on the street. Does he mean me?”
“Most likely,” Mu Qing nodded. “This means it wasn’t that long ago. Did you know about this?”
“No. But he doesn’t talk much about his brother.”
“And do you think that if you find Father,” Qin Yi Chi continued. “Do you think he would be happy if the business had been run to the ground?”
“Father knows I have no interest in taking over,” Qin Er seemed unaffected, but Jiang Shuo could see his hands clenching to a fist. “And why do you think a marriage would be something he wants?”
“Of course he would want to!” Qin Yi Chi snapped. “He would be happy to see you have a wife. Family is the most important to Father, and it would make him the happiest to see our family continue.”
“So why me? Why aren’t you marrying someone?”
“I have the business to run, I have no time for a wife.”
“And I have Liu Zhi to catch. I also have no time for a wife.”
“You---”
Qin Er leaned forward, and moved one of his pieces.
“Checkmate.”
And with that, he stood up, leaving his brother to look at the board, confused.
“...you can checkmate someone with fewer pieces?”
“Of course,” Mu Qing nodded. “Chess isn’t a game of numbers. It’s a game of tactics.”
Qin Er moved towards the door, and Jiang Shuo pulled on Mu Qing’s arm.
“Come on. Let’s go after him.”
The door opened to a place that was also very familiar to Jiang Shuo - a big, open field with snow falling all around them.
Qin Er’s steps slowed down, and wobbled, and Jiang Shuo started to move towards him ---
And then he saw himself already on Qin Er’s side.
It was the defense mechanism, obviously. The-Other-Jiang-Shuo held Qin Er up, holding him by the arm, not saying a word at first, until Qin Er looked up at him, and his expression was so open, so raw - something Jiang Shuo himself only very rarely had seen on his face.
“Jiang Shuo…”
“Now, now, Qin Er. Don’t be upset. It’ll be alright.”
“...I think my brother hates me, Jiang Shuo.”
“I would call your brother a tool, but tools are actually useful,” Not-Jiang-Shuo rolled his eyes, gently rubbing Qin Er’s back. “If he wants someone to carry on the family name, he should be looking for a wife. You are right.”
“I already disappointed my father. What if---”
“Your father accepted your choice, did he not?” The defense mechanism interrupted him.
Qin Er took a deep, ragged breath, before leaning down, hugging Not-Jiang-Shuo closely, burying his face into his neck.
“I feel so lost.”
“Don’t worry about it. That’s why I’m here.”
Jiang Shuo’s eyes met with his copy’s, and the doppelganger rolled his eyes.
“Keep going. I’ll take care of him.”
“A little help would be nice, you know. We are not even sure about how to start.”
“You are doing alright. His mind is going to direct you towards the direction of the corrupted memories - all you have to do is to trigger them. I’ll do the cleaning up after,” He said, rubbing Qin Er’s back. “That’s my territory.”
~*~
“Yi Heng depends on you a lot, doesn’t he?”
“What do you mean?”
They were walking down a street now - led through there over another door, trying to find Yi Heng.
“I mean… how he acts around you.”
“That guy is not me.”
“But based on you,” Mu Qing said, insistent. “So maybe he isn’t just a defense mechanism - but also showing his feelings for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… he clearly sees you as his main support. And it makes sense, doesn’t it? His father is gone, and his brother is---”
“A useless tool?”
“Difficult,” Mu Qing finished. “So… you are the only one on his side he can always rely on. The only one he can trust unconditionally to have his back.”
“That’s not true! There’s also you. And Master Bu Yan. And everyone at the compound.”
“Yes. And he met most of us through you.”
“You two had known each other before!”
“But it’s different. You know it’s different,” Mu Qing insisted. “We weren’t close friends. You are. And closer than we were.”
Jiang Shuo frowned, before stopping, and looking up.
“Mu Qing. Look.”
Up on a balcony there stood Qin Er - in his stupid glasses, holding a cup in his hand.
Commotion down the street.
It took Jiang Shuo a few moments, before realising what was going on - and he grabbed Mu Qing’s arm, to pull her out of the way.
There was him - past-Jiang Shuo, riding a horse down the street, chased by an angry mob.
And his and Qin Er’s eyes met.
“...was this the day we first met?”
“Yes. Not long before you caught up with me at the police station. I didn’t even realise… I guess this was the first time Qin Er and I had seen each other.”
Qin Er was still on the balcony, when there was a movement behind him - and not-Jiang-Shuo walked out again, putting his arms around Qin Er’s waist, before looking down at the two of them.
“Off you go~”
The floor disappeared from under them, and they fell.
~*~
“Why is he there? Why is he always there? It makes no sense.”
“He is his defense mechanism isn’t he? Maybe he is just… being annoying while keeping an eye on us?”
“He could do it any other way!”
Something was weird about this Psych version of Jiang Shuo. Something that he, the real Jiang Shuo couldn’t put his finger on, even as he and Mu Qing hurried through the mansion that was Qin Er’s Psych.
Inside one of the rooms, there was a coffin. A coffin, and Qin Er was sitting next to it, looking down - and behind him there was not-Jiang Shuo.
Again, he was there.
“What bothers you?” He asked, in a gentle tone, putting his hand on Qin Er’s shoulder.
Qin Er reached back, taking his hand, gently rubbing it with his fingers.
“My brother and I… we were convinced this dead body was our father,” Qin Er’s voice was quiet, and he didn’t look back. “He had scars that father had. That was too much of a coincidence… who was this man? Why did Liu Zhi throw this body out for us to find? How did he create another body to look just like Father? And why?”
“You know he likes to play with people. You and me especially,” Not-Jiang-Shuo said slowly, with a deep sigh. “This was probably his way to prod you, to see how you react.”
“This isn’t a memory,” Jiang Shuo said, and his doppelganger looked back at him.
“Obviously. But it’s still something that bothers him, so it has a place in his Psych.”
~*~
The next room they went into was Qin Er’s bedroom - but not one in the mansion.
The one he had at the compound.
And on the bed, stretching like a lazy cat, was Jiang Shuo’s mirror image.
“Great. Why are you even here?”
“Right,” His copy nodded. “Good question. That I’m not answering. You two need to leave this room.”
“You said his mind will send us where corrupted memories are. So we have to restart the corrupted memory - or thoughts, I guess. So---”
“And my job is to keep you out of places you don’t need to see. After all, don’t forget - this is my territory.”
“This is Qin Er’s territory,” Jiang Shuo hissed at him, stepping closer to his mirror image, who did not back down.
“And he put me in charge.”
“You wouldn’t exist, if it weren’t for me.”
“And he wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for you either.”
Now that made Jiang Shuo recoil, and his mirror image smirked - and Mu Qing just stepped between them.
“You are being unreasonable. Yi Heng trusts Jiang Shuo. That’s why you look the way you do, and that's why he asked the real Jiang Shuo to help. And it isn’t Jiang Shuo’s fault that Liu Zhi kidnapped his father! It isn’t his fault, none of it is, so stop it!”
“Would Jiang Shuo agree with you, that it’s not his fault?”
Jiang Shuo felt his mouth feel dry.
“I wouldn’t know,” Not-Jiang-Shuo continued, with a shrug. “I am not him after all. I’m built from how Qin Er sees me. But it seems reasonable to me.”
“...Jiang Shuo?”
Qin Er’s voice was there, and all of them turned to the door - and Jiang Shuo’s mirror image hurried over, holding his arm.
“I’m here, Qin Er.”
Qin Er’s eyes were so soft, and so full of emotions, as he learnt forward, touching their foreheads together.
“I’m tired, Jiang Shuo.”
“You deserve some rest. Come on. Lay down. I’ll get some food from the others.”
“...no. Stay.”
The defense mechanism smiled, closing his eyes a little.
“Alright. I’ll stay with you,” His eyes suddenly opened. “But you two gotta go.”
He reached out one hand towards Jiang Shuo and Mu Qing - and the two of them fell through nothing again.
~*~
They landed in the snow again.
The two of them went through the snowy landscape together without saying a word for a while, and Jiang Shuo just couldn’t unsee that - the way Qin Er was clinging to his copy, the gentleness in his voice. The way the defense mechanism looked back at him, the small smile on his lips.
“What is this snowy place, by the way?” Mu Qing finally broke the silence. “I don’t remember any time it snowed this hard in Changshanzhou. Maybe a memory from England?”
“I don’t think so,” Jiang Shuo shook his head. “I saw the same place the first time I entered his Psych. Back then, the two of us were stuck in a cold room, so I assumed that was the reason why. But now… I think this is Qin Er’s heart.”
“He isn’t cold-hearted!”
“No,” Jiang Shuo agreed. “But he froze his heart. His father, the way his brother acts. Everything Liu Zhi puts him through. I think he learnt to freeze his own heart to not show what he feels.”
“...didn’t know he was suffering this much.”
“He is very good at hiding his emotions. But sometimes it breaks through, don’t you agree? Also did you notice? It isn’t snowing that heavily now.”
It really wasn’t, and the more they walked, the less snowy it got - sometimes green grass stuck out, and the forest started to liven up around them.
Somehow, Jiang Shuo wasn’t surprised by what they found at the end.
It was a small stream, and next to it was sitting Qin Er - his shirt pushed up on his arms, and he wasn’t wearing his glasses.
And he was also resting his head on the shoulder of not-Jiang-Shuo.
“I think he is going to be fine now,” The defense mechanism said in a soft voice, as if to not wake Qin Er up. “You can go.”
“This is the place where we found his father,” Jiang Shuo said. “Are you sure this is all?”
“I live in his Psych. Of course I know. He will see more clearly now.”
Something was amiss.
Jiang Shuo took a few more steps, and Mu Qing followed, and on the side of the rocky area, where they found the six-fingered skeleton---
Instead was a white door.
It was a door unlike anything else Jiang Shuo had ever seen - it looked bright, with pale blue lights.
It was… unnatural.
“What is this?”
“I don’t know,” The defense mechanism said. “I just know we need to leave it alone.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jiang Shuo whipped around, staring at the two of them. “Isn’t this your territory?”
“I don’t know because Qin Er does not know. Nor did he ever know.”
“That makes no sense. This is his Psych.”
“This is all I know. I cannot enter it. And neither can you. You can try.”
So he tried.
He raised his hands, trying to open it, but---
The door didn’t move.
Mu Qing hurried forward, knocking on it, trying to move it.
Nothing.
“Told you.”
It made no sense.
Absolutely no sense.
“Actually I lied,” Not-Jiang-Shuo spoke up again. “There is one more place you must go before getting out of his Psych.”
Jiang Shuo realised a moment too late what was going to happen.
“Wait no---”
Too late.
They fell through the darkness again.
~*~
Stone walls everywhere, and red light.
“...no. Oh, no.”
“Where are we?”
He didn’t reply to Mu Qing, just immediately climbed to the direction of the small hole he knew Qin Er was hiding.
“Qin Er… Qin Er!”
And he was there.
He was there, hugging himself, holding into his jacket like a child would hold onto the safety of their blanket.
“Qin Er…”
He looked at him, finally, eyes wide, pain and madness reflecting in his eyes.
“Jiang Shuo…” His words were raggedy and quiet. “...you promised you would come back.”
“And I’m here.”
“...you promised. You promised!”
He lashed forward, hands grabbing towards Jiang Shuo - and he fell back, hitting his head on the stone wall.
He heard Mu Qing call his name, but he raised a hand towards her, stopping her in her tracks.
Qin Er’s hands were gripping into his vest.
“I know. I’m sorry it took a while. But I would never abandon you.”
Qin Er was shaking - and his hands moved one hand reaching to the back of Jiang Shuo’s head, as if trying to ease the pain where he banged his head against the wall.
“...you promised. I knew… I forgot… I forgot where I was, why I was there, but I knew someone would come… someone… I was waiting for someone…”
“I know. And I came back. I will always come back for you, no matter where you are, or who stands in my way.”
Qin Er was clinging into him in a way that was almost painful, and it felt like he would never let go.
“It’s alright,” A new voice spoke up. “The coins will probably signal you soon.”
It was the Psych version of Jiang Shuo, obviously. He climbed in, gently prying Qin Er’s hands off from the real Jiang Shuo - and Qin Er just looked at him, as if he had been a breath of fresh air after he had been drowning, and threw his arms around him.
“Go.”
The coins' sound filled the air.
Jiang Shuo jumped to his feet, and hurried to take Mu Qing’s hand.
Time to wake up.
~*~
It went like normal.
Qin Er thanked him, and Jiang Shuo hadn’t said anything about the things they had seen - they were sitting outside on the stairs with Mu Qing, when Mu Qing suddenly hit him in the shoulder.
“Ow. What was that for?”
“You need to talk with Yi Heng.”
“What about?!”
“You know what,” Mu Qing huffed. “About what we had seen. About that… other you.”
“It’s just his defense mechanism. It makes sense.”
“I don’t think that’s just it,” Mu Qing said, frowning. “Because they interacted a lot. I think… I think he might be Yi Heng’s defense mechanism, but also… also shows how he feels about you.”
Quiet.
Jiang Shuo was not looking at Mu Qing, and Mu Qing shoved him, much more gently now.
“You noticed, didn't you.”
“Mu Qing…”
“And you care about him a lot don’t you? I had seen how you looked at him. Your face when you saw that… other Jiang Shuo acting with Yi Heng in the Psych. You couldn’t see your expression, but I did.”
“Mu Qing!”
“I know what you are gonna say,” Mu Qing kept interrupting him. “You’re gonna say that you love me.”
“And I do!”
“And I know that! But loving me… does it mean you can’t also love Qin Yi Heng?”
For once, Jiang Shuo seemed to have no answers, looking into Yuan Mu Qing’s wide eyes.
“You need him, just as much as you need me. And he needs you, just as much as I need you. That’s what I think,” Mu Qing said gently, reaching out to grasp his hand. “And I want you to be happy. So… talk with Yi Heng. Please. For everyone’s happiness.”
He couldn’t help himself, and he leaned forward, kissing Mu Qing.
He had wanted to do that so many times since their first kiss during which neither of them were fully conscious, and right here, right now, with their emotions running high, he couldn’t help himself.
Mu Qing kissed back, and then smiled at him.
“Go.”
...alright.
Time to do something else he had wanted to do for a while.
~*~
So obviously, he needed to talk to Qin Er right away. As soon as possible.
So obviously the best plan of action was to rush into his room.
Qin Er was already lying in his bed, and he bolted upright, his hand immediately moving towards his nightstand - before seeing who entered.
“...Jiang Shuo…?”
He didn’t answer, just closed the door behind him, and hurried over, jumping down next to him in the bed.
Smooth.
“What are you doing?!”
“So--” Jiang Shuo started cheerfully, putting his hands under his head. “I was wondering if I would find a room with my pictures.”
“And? Did you?” Qin Er raised his eyebrows.
“No,” Jiang Shuo admitted. “But in some way I found something better. I found me. ”
“...you.”
“Me,” Jiang Shuo nodded. “Your defense mechanism took my shape. Kind of a brat. Is that how you see me?”
“You barged into my room and lay down into my bed,” Qin Er said in a dry voice. “And you gotta ask that question?”
“Okay, point taken, but it was interesting, you know. Seeing your defense mechanism look like me.”
“Makes sense it would. You are the one I associate with the Psych. Makes sense the one who protects my Psych would be you.”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s what I said as well. Makes perfect sense,” Jiang Shuo nodded enthusiastically. “And it would also make sense that while he looks like me, so when he interacts with you, it would mirror how you see me right? And your thoughts about me?”
Qin Er hesitated, looking to the side a little.
“...I guess that’s reasonable.”
“Right. So… Qin Er. How do you feel about me, really?”
Silence.
Qin Er slowly looked back at Jiang Shuo.
“If you had really seen it, I’m sure you can guess.”
Jiang Shuo felt like his heart was in his throat.
“The way that Psych-version of me looked at you… and how you looked at him. And the way you acted around each other. Is that what you want?”
Qin Er let out a long breath.
“I do not know what you have seen. But it is my Psych, so it would show you what’s in my mind. Nevertheless, I know you and Yuan Mu Qing are involved. I never meant to intervene. I apologise that you two had to see that.”
“You don’t get it. I talked with Mu Qing about it and---”
“Right. I’ll have to apologise to Yuan Mu Qing as well.”
“Oh for---”
Frustrated, Jiang Shuo sat up, grabbed Qin Er’s face with both hands, angrily pressing their lips together.
It was a quick, rough kiss, and Qin Er was dumbfounded, even when Jiang Shuo pulled his head away.
“I know. It’s okay. I know,” Jiang Shuo whispered, and Qin Er slowly shook his head.
“Don’t… think my feelings have any obligations towards you,” Qin Er’s voice cracked, and he looked like he was about to cry. “And---”
“It’s not that. And Mu Qing knows. She helped me… helped me realise, I think. I love her, I really do. But also… when in your Psych I saw… I saw that version of me with you… Qin Er, I wanted to be there instead. I wanted to be the one you cling to, the one who you look at with those eyes. Qin Er---- I think I fell in love with you a long time ago.”
Qin Er looked at him - and his eyes were vide, and his expression---
It was a lot like how in the Psych he would look at not-Jiang Shuo. The same raw, open, vulnerable expression, and Jiang Shuo just wanted to hold him, and never let anything bad happen to him, ever again. Qin Er’s thumb brushed Jiang Shuo’s lower lip.
Then he moved in, and kissed him again.
The kiss started slow, but quickly turned into something more hungry, and desperate, as if something finally broke down, and there was no stopping it. Jiang Shuo found himself on his back, and he was desperately grabbing onto Qin Er’s clothes. It was like a dam got blown open, everything they had pushed deep within their minds came into the surface, holding onto each other with desperate kisses, getting off their clothes, trying to touch any bare skin they could reach. Qin Er’s voice was hoarse as he hushed him, not wanting to alert anyone at the compound, then his lips covered Jiang Shuo’s to muffle the sounds.
~*~
“Would you have taken this to the grave, if we wouldn’t have gone to your Psych and put it together?”
“Would you?”
They were still in bed, under his covers, finally settled down a bit from all the emotions running high.
“It’s not the same,” Jiang Shuo complained. “You are always so… stiff, so repressed I guess. How was I supposed to guess you like me?”
“Here I thought you knew people well.”
Jiang Shuo rolled his eyes and shoved Qin Er’s shoulder a little.
Qin Er smiled - his hair was messy, and there was softness in his eyes, and Jiang Shuo was so, so in love.
“You should be ruffled like this more often,” Jiang Shuo said cheerfully, messing up Qin Er’s hair even more. “It suits you.”
“No chance,” Qin Er replied immediately, before putting his head down on the pillow.
“Huh. I guess I’ll just have to mess it up myself again~”
Qin Er smiled, and Jiang Shuo just leaned forward, to kiss him again.
He may have wanted to do that from the moment he saved his life for the first time, long coat moving after him, all dramatic - from the moment he walked into his life with his flawless suits and fake glasses, and all the air of determination following him. He maybe wanted to do this since then, to see what was hiding under the flawless looks and repression, but he did not expect he would fall in love with Qin Yi Heng.
But now here he was.
And it really seemed like neither of them was gonna go anywhere.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew things were not over - Liu Zhi was still out there, and he made it clear that the games won’t stop. There was the weird locked door in Qin Er’s mind that nobody could open, and he had a feeling, that once it will open, and whatever memory it holds will return to Qin Er, it won’t be easy to deal with.
But as long as they had each other, they could do it.
He was sure of it.