Work Text:
In life, there are not many things that Chaewon wants– she isn't someone like that.
She came from a middle class family, and under those circumstances she had to understand as a child– growing up she wasn't the demanding type, even until now.
She learnt to be grateful, and as long as she had a place to call home, food to eat and a stable job (in the future) then that's a life well lived, in her opinion.
So technically, things related to the word 'love' are out of her concerns. It's not like she didn't want to experience that emotion of falling for someone and spending the rest of her life with them happily together, going on all those romantic dates like how they're portrayed in movies. If she has the chance then she would go for it. But Chaewon simply never thought of it– and she's just too busy to be thinking of things like that.
Well, being a college student in the medical field that specializes in cardiology requires much more effort than what meets the eye– and she simply cannot afford to be slacking in her academics; especially because she's a scholar too.
She isn't one to dwell on these things– and prefers to just continue drowning herself in her studies and the countless books she owns; following her schedules and daily routines which she has memorized on the back of her head. Everyday, the same thing would happen- a straightforward cycle that never seemed to change in the slightest. The route is always from campus to her apartment- sometimes to the convenience store when her favorite caramel macchiato coffee mix runs out; something Chaewon likes to call a small break.
Her life had always been that way; one might say uneventful.
Chaewon's days are pretty much boring, plain and systematic, yet somehow she likes it that way. All according to plan.
Until a certain transferee with fox like features came into the picture.
Chaewon remembers exactly how she first met this person, and how the said girl brought splashes of bright colors, those of the most vibrant shades of yellow and pink, into her own dull, monochromatic life.
It was a Thursday.
Chaewon didn’t recall anything particularly special about that Thursday, hell it was normal like any other Thursday she spent as a college student. She sat at the desk located at the edge of the library, across one of the many large windows that the campus had throughout its main buildings. Her eyes were focused on her laptop, though the penetrating golden rays behind the device made it a bit hard for her to see. She squinted a little, while her hands mindlessly continued running across the keyboard, typing an awfully long paragraph for the introduction of an anatomy essay she had to pass by the following Monday.
The sun that glowed in front of her somewhat erased a bit of the chilly wind that blew inside the campus walls, and its warm, soothing hands caressed Chaewon’s porcelain cheeks gently while the contrasting subtle, cold artificial breeze from the many aircons functioning across the room embraced her in a backhug, sending lowly shivers down her spine. Chaewon paused for a while, hastily letting out a sigh while realizing she had been holding her breath since a while ago. The blow of her mouth created a nearly inaudible whistle, barely enough to be heard even by Chaewon herself. She stretched her limbs a bit, the stone position she had earlier creating a sore to her body. Shortly afterwards, she pressed the save button on her laptop, and stood up; walking back to the anatomy section of the library to return one of the informative textbooks she had used for her paper earlier.
Her steps were slow, and careful, as if she was walking on eggshells, trying to make as least of noise as possible. There weren’t too many students in the place that day, as mostly everyone had headed home and only a handful were left behind doing extra tasks, papers or projects- Chaewon happened to be one of the few. She took her time though, enjoying the rather peaceful silence that spread throughout the room, with only the slight ruckus of her footsteps, mixed with a few chatters from other students seemingly discussing whatever the hell it was unrelated to their subjects. Her arms wrapped around the book she borrowed, titled "Get to Know Anatomy: A Crash Course for College Students," keeping it close to her chest. She scanned the sections of literature quietly, somehow the scent of old paper calming her in a bizarrely unexpected way. The muted ambience, along with the stillness of time, the warm October sun, and the tranquility of spending time alone was delightful to Chaewon.
This is nice.
It was an enjoyable walk, frankly, and Chaewon was a bit bummed out on how she reached the back of the library quicker than she expected. Her grip on the textbook was loosened, now merely holding it with one hand. She was about to leave it in the section where she took it, when in her peripheral vision she saw a student oddly crouching as if she was searching for a book as well. The figure had their nose crinkled, and there was a confused look in her eyes– one that was confronted by a feeling of despair as well. Her large specs hugged her facial frame, and a slight frown was formed upon her pink, plump lips. It had probably seemed like she was a new student, having a hard time finding a book for one of her reviews. Though Chaewon simply stared at her for the first couple of seconds, looking at the figure in awe because,
holy shit she's so pretty.
Chaewon was not one to approach strangers first (especially pretty strangers that would just literally take her breath away by one look, she didn't have the courage to do that) and even if she tried to dig as far as she could in the back of her head, she couldn't seem to recall the student in front of her. But she seemed like she was struggling, and Chaewon would just be an awful being if she left the poor thing to be just like that. With her heartbeat starting to fasten its pace, she braced herself and tried her absolute best not to stutter,
"Hi, uhm, are you looking for a book?"
The crouching figure looked up, and Chaewon swore she had been struck by Cupid's arrow right there and then.
The stranger flashed her a heartwarming smile, with her indian dimples showing themselves on her cheeks and her lips excitedly curled upwards. She fixed her posture for a bit, and even let out a shy giggle while combing her ruffled hair gently with her fingertips. And oh my God did her voice sound like it came from an angel.
Get it together, Chaewon.
"Yeah actually I'm a transferee here. I'm supposed to be looking for a book to help me with my essay about an introduction to Electrical Engineering but I'm new and there was no one at the desk so I ended up searching for the book myself and I still haven't found it and I– oh Lord I'm rambling aren't I?"
The girl, who Chaewon assumed to be her junior, covered her mouth in embarrassment, while Chaewon herself, who was listening to the whole thing attentively, couldn't help but crack her own shy grin.
"No it's alright. I think you're supposed to be looking at the front part? Because all the books back here are the Medical ones."
The student in front of her gave her a knowing nod, while her cheeks started flushing in a light shade of pink. Her hands were fidgeting on the tip of her sweater paws, and Chaewon couldn't help but think she was very– stretching this to the limit– cute.
"Do you want me to show you the way? Uh–"
"Oh I'm Kim Minju. I'm a first year student."
Minju stretched out her hand, which Chaewon reluctantly took at first. They shook hands, and there were several things that ran through Chaewon's mind as they did– a pretty stranger was shaking my hand.
Her hand– warm and soft.
Chaewon stood frozen for a few seconds before letting go of the younger's hand, and it was her turn to blush because she forgot to let go and was even caught staring. Clearing her throat, she managed to croak out an introduction of her own to Minju.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Chaewon. Kim Chaewon."
The two then started walking towards the front, trying to find the books required for Minju's paper. Along the way, the younger started talking nonstop– about how she got here and how she ended up taking Electrical Engineering as her major. Something in the lines of her moving back to South Korea after spending some time abroad because she missed her parents and such, and how she took the major due to her father being an electrical engineer himself– wanting to follow his paths from admiration of his dedication to the field. And other unnecessary things– shifting topics every few seconds or so, which sometimes are replied briefly by the older.
Chaewon, throughout the search, simply nodded along and gave short answers because her mind was still short circuiting. There was a lingering warmth that was still felt on her palm, and she thought about how she simply wanted to hold her hand again even if it was barely an hour after they met.
Okay– maybe there is something that Chaewon wants now.
But holding Minju's hand– that isn't too much to ask, isn't it?
Chaewon definitely thought wrong.
Because apparently everyone around campus has heard about that one cute transferee from Japan and majors in electrical engineering– whose profile is similar to those of a fox and a voice as soft as feathers.
And soon after, wherever she goes there will be at least ten people looking her way in awe– and more 'friends' she has means that she can be quite busy.
Chaewon and Minju had met a few times after the incident in the library. Sometimes they would bump into each other while scurrying into classes– exchanging quick greetings and glances with each other before entering. Other times, they would eat together in the dining hall whenever their breaks would overlap– accompanying each other with a meal and small talks. Besides that, Chaewon had never met Minju personally outside campus. Whenever she tried to contact her (they exchanged numbers after the second meeting) the latter would simply reply with, "Sorry Chae, I don't have the time." Chaewon would console her, and tell her it's alright, but sometimes she just didn't feel like masking her disappointment– which was one secret reason why Chaewon would appear in classes with a slight frown.
She should've known better– someone as perfect as Minju would definitely attract people from all directions– and Chaewon is just merely her friend. Nothing more.
That day, a Friday. She remembered clearly it was a Friday, a rather cloudy one. Her eyes scanned the empty halls of the campus– an eerie feeling creeping up on her as nothing but a few light ticking sounds accompanying her walk, probably because of the light rainfall that showered the city that afternoon. Most students were elsewhere, as this part of campus was not usually used– also because it was mostly used for practical tasks, like labs and such, so no one bothered going here after school hours. Chaewon however, was still roaming the area to retrieve her notebook, which she forgot to take with her after her class that morning.
She jogged a bit faster– almost like she was running, maybe due to the fact that the sky was turning darker by the second and the rain started thundering louder. And also because she was alone. Chaewon admitted she wasn't the bravest when it comes to things like thunder or darkness, and in situations like these where she had no one to cling onto, it made her a bit scared.
Probably not a bit.
A lot.
Okay, maybe she's downright terrified.
She arrived in front of the lab a few moments later, her hands clumsily searching for the keys her professor had handed to her earlier. She unlocked the door with shaking hands, sweat beads clouding up on her forehead as she frantically searched for a mint colored spiral note around the room. Chaewon scanned the room in a daze, her heartbeat quickening as she panicked– though to her luck, her notebook wasn't that far from her, only a few tables away on the front left, near the teacher's desk. Her legs were about to shut down, so with all her might she ran to fetch her note. Chaewon hurried and grabbed the book as fast as she could, before exiting the room once more– even faster than how she entered. After locking the door, she stood still for a split second, before a loud thunder boomed.
"Ah!"
The atmosphere grew even darker, with the only source of light being the faint brightness from the worn out bulb down the hallway. The drizzle turned storm was howling outside the windows, ferociously screaming at the city. Chaewon's legs gave up on her, making her fall onto her knee. Long gone and forgotten was her perfect schedule. The air was suddenly thick, suffocating her each breath. There was a loud ringing in her ear, and she could feel her fears conquering her– engulfing her ability to think and move all within a span of seconds. Her hands gripped on the side of her hoodie a bit too tightly, her knuckles turning white from the force. Her notebook was dropped on her left side, and at that moment all that was in Chaewon's head was that she needed to move. But her limbs were paralyzed, and her breath was strained and heavy.
Someone help me.
Chaewon prayed that there was someone, someone that could pass by. She didn't mind who, but at that moment she needed someone to hold onto. Her mind pleaded to the gods that a security guard would do their checks and find her, because she knew she would never make it out alone. She was afraid. So afraid that she felt the world spinning into a deep void. Her vision was clouded by tears and her mind by unwanted thoughts.
"Chaewon? Is that you?"
She heard a tiny voice coming from above her. It wasn't those spooky whispers for sure– it sounded more like someone who was genuinely concerned, a familiar tone greeting her amidst a battle with her nerves. The owner of the voice crouched next to her, her right clasping onto Chaewon's who's desperately trembling, while her left arm circling around her back– pulling her into her embrace.
Her hands are warm.
Chaewon didn't look up, her stare still stuck on the cold, marble floor below them, but the warmth of her hands, the tone of her voice and the strong, sweet vanilla scent– she couldn't have mistaken it.
It was Minju beside her.
They didn't move one bit– it might've been hours, but all Chaewon could do at that moment was to try and calm down. Minju was beside her, rubbing circles around the older's back while repeatedly saying comforting words. Chaewon was grateful to say the least, for Minju because she stayed. As her pulse felt a bit steadier and her legs a bit stronger, Chaewon finally took the courage to stand, earning a relieved look from Minju. Their hands though– neither of them dared to let go.
The younger had offered her to walk home together, to which Chaewon accepted. The rain had subdued and the two had walked side by side until they had reached the older's dorm. Throughout the walk, it was awfully quiet, and even the usual chatterbox of Minju didn't chat like any other day– but Chaewon could feel Minju intertwining their hands– making her feel a bit more secure.
As soon as they reached Chaewon's apartment, the older who was silent previously, thanked her.
"Thank you for comforting me earlier."
"No problem."
Both fidgeted with their fingers, a pregnant pause emerging in between them before Minju spoke up.
"Is it okay if I walk you home from now on?"
Chaewon didn't respond.
"I mean it's because it rains a lot these days, and I just don't want to see you so scared like that anymore. You had me so worried. But then again it's okay if you don't want to–"
"Please."
Sensing the older's uneasiness, Minju embraced her one more time in a hug, to which Chaewon simply stood still without any movement– though the younger could hear a few sniffles buried in her shoulders as they did. A moment of silence appeared in between the two, and it wasn't until when Minju had to go back home, she told her with their hands still not letting go of each other,
"I'm here for you, don't worry."
Ever since that day, the two would always walk home together.
Even on the busiest days, Minju would always make sure to be there on time to walk the older home– and every time they did she would always unknowingly tangle their hands together. Like an unspoken habit.
At first, Chaewon was surprised. It started on the following Monday after the thunder incident. The two had completed their classes around four in the afternoon when they decided to walk home. They stopped in front of a traffic light, waiting for it to turn red before they crossed. Chaewon's hands were placed inside her pocket, her fingers meddling with the inner cloth of her jeans. It lasted a few minutes before she felt another hand, which wasn't hers, grabbing it and placing it in hers. It didn't take a genius to find out it was Minju– with a soft pink tint on her cheeks. Chaewon internally squealed, definitely not expecting the gesture but she wasn't one to complain anyway. They remained that way until they reached her apartment.
That day was a Tuesday, and unlike the regular course where it was straight home from campus, the two took a detour to a nearby café.
(Normally, Chaewon disliked detours because she would always be behind her usual timetable, but miraculously she agreed on this one. She reasoned it was because she needed a snack. Definitely not because Minju used her puppy eyes on her and persuaded her to go in the most tempting way possible. Nope, definitely not.)
Minju entered first– and Chaewon followed suit. The two made their way to the counter to order, and when they took a seat their hands were already filled with one cup of coffee and the other with a cake or a snack of some sort. The pair should be on their way home, but they had decided to stay for a while and relax (Chaewon thought so too, it was definitely not because of the younger who had asked her to.)
Since she was already behind schedule, Chaewon opened her laptop and thought about completing her papers in the café. It was still around five-thirty, which meant she had plenty of time to conjure up a few paragraphs or so. Minju had taken a seat next to her, both facing the same direction– facing the left window that displayed a small alley. The space around them was calm, and surprisingly slow for a weekday. The aroma of burnt beans being grinded, along with the savor of buttery baked goods was pleasant– soothing in a way. Outside, a hue of gold and orange penetrated the windows, the sun still smiling despite it going further down the horizon as time passed. While Chaewon typed, Minju scrolled through her phone mindlessly, glancing at the older occasionally– admiring her side profile.
Minju acknowledged how Chaewon was pretty. She looked like a cartoon character– with black, silky hair about the length a bit below her shoulders, sharp eyes that were tainted by a dark brown color, her nose like a bloomed tulip, perfectly complimenting her other features. And her lips– her pink lips that were pursed into a thin line whenever she flashed a toothy grin, one that for Minju, the brightness of her smile exceeded any source of light or celestial object known to mankind.
Chaewon was like a hidden treasure– she didn't mingle with a lot of people, but those who do will know how beautiful she is, and Minju happened to be one of them.
Chaewon was still typing away when she felt Minju intertwining her fingers on her left palm– to which she froze. Minju must've thought she made the older uncomfortable, so she abruptly pulled back her hand, slightly embarrassed. Chaewon felt the younger retracting, so with a sudden boost of courage from God knows where, she pulled her hand back and continued typing with her hand in between hers– and both of them felt a wave of heat climbing up their cheeks. Chaewon herself secretly thanked the gods that Minju couldn't hear her racing heartbeat, because she was sure it was going at light speed at that moment– but she enjoyed her presence, nonetheless. Both did.
Maybe Chaewon didn't mind a few road bumps from her schedule if it meant spending time like this.
That afternoon as they got to Chaewon's apartment, both of their smiles didn't vanish even after they parted ways.
Hell, Chaewon wasn't even sure if she slept that night.
"So you're telling me, you've been going home with her everyday for the past five months and you're still not dating? What the hell Chaewon?"
That was Chaewon's friend Sakura from their chat at lunch break earlier. Sakura had always been curious about the two's relationship, and when Chaewon told her they weren't a thing, surprise was an understatement when it came to her reaction.
"I don't even know if she likes me. I have trouble figuring out my feelings too. It's my first time, y'know?"
Sakura gave her a scoff, and rolled her eyes at her.
"For one I've never seen Minju act like that to any of her other friends and believe me when I say she has at least two dozen of them. And you always seem so giddy whenever she's around, that already says a lot."
Chaewon huffed, her shoulders slightly deflating while Sakura simply stared at her in disbelief.
"You know Chaewon, I remember when you had to do your first procedure. You said you couldn't do it, but when you tried it you ended up acing the class."
"That's different, and you know that."
Chaewon wasn't fazed, a bummed out expression still present on her face with a frown on her lips. It was different. Unlike the practical task, Chaewon didn't know what to do. She knew all the theories to help her with the task, and all she needed to do was implement them through her test. But this was totally different. She didn't know any theory on what this 'feeling' was. It was new, this feeling of hers and truthfully, it made her a bit nervous.
"What I'm saying is that you should try."
Chaewon was confident in a lot of things, but when it came to Minju it was the opposite.
She was definitely doubting on what step she should take next.
That night, after Chaewon returned home from campus, she took a seat on the couch in her living room, with a pondering expression on her face. (she asked Minju if she could go home first since Minju had an extra class, and the younger reluctantly said yes. What she didn't know was that Chaewon needed to avoid her for a couple of hours to think.)
The television in front of her was playing, though she did not mind it. All that was in her head were Sakura's words, ringing through her head like a broken cassette.
In a way, it knocked some sense into her. Yeah, there's no doubt that Chaewon does have something for Minju, but what she needs to do with these feelings was what made her confused; afraid, even.
As much as she hated to admit, Chaewon was highly inexperienced in this field called love.
For years, she had been the top student, valedictorian and known for her unbelievable intelligence. She was recognized, and it pleased her in a way that she was willing to spend her youth trapped between her books, indulging in her studies that she never got to experience the phase of having crushes.
So when these feelings appeared, it hit her like a truck.
There are no books to lead her on this time, she was on her own fully. And without a lead, Chaewon was afraid she would get lost. Like a lost puppy in an unknown territory.
She sat with her back resting clumsily on the sofa, her gaze facing the ceiling. She could feel her eyes drooping, but her mind was too awake to let her system shut down.
Chaewon also felt cold, oddly enough.
She didn't feel warm like she always did.
Her hands felt like ice, a bit stiff and a lot paler than usual.
She was about to ask herself why she felt this way. She wasn't sick or anything.
And then it hit her.
Minju was keeping her warm.
That day, she didn't walk home with her.
The touch of the younger's warm hands wasn't there and truthfully, she missed it. She wanted it.
She wanted to hold the younger's hands again, and this time a bit longer.
Two days? A week? A month? Five years?
Maybe a lifetime.
So that's when Chaewon made up her mind.
For once, Chaewon would fight for something she wanted on her own.
So there she is with Minju, on the exact same traffic light they first held hands before.
The lights are still green, and as if a sense of deja vu hit Chaewon, they intertwine their hands again, while waiting for the sign to turn red so they could cross the road safely. Her left hand is tucked in her jacket, while her right was holding Minju's hand. It is quiet, though Sakura's words run through Chaewon's head again like a reminder.
She needs to try.
Minju notices the slight frown that appeared on Chaewon's face, that is led to from the deep in thought expression she had earlier. She wonders why, and started to grow curiously worried.
"Chaewon, are you okay? Your hands are sweating."
There was a lingering silence that grew in between them, as Chaewon was repeating the confession over and over again in her head– constructing the perfect confession like in her research the previous night. Her mouth remained mum, and Minju was honestly starting to grow a bit more concerned.
For Chaewon, it's like her insides are twisting, fighting with her nerves like a silent war– as if she is going to perform a cardiac surgery for the first time.
Except here, Chaewon is taking a leap a leap for her own feelings.
"Hey Minju, can I tell you something?"
Minju paid all attention to Chaewon, her eyes glimmering, reflecting the afternoon sky and her mouth left agaped in curiosity. The grip Chaewon had on the younger girl's hand tightened, while she closed her eyes and was finally able to croak out a confession. One that is rough, straightforward and plain but it carries her true feelings, conveying something she should have realized the many times they held hands before.
"I like you. Would you be my girlfriend?"
Well that didn't come out as she wanted.
It is probably the most unromantic confession this world has ever seen, though she is partly glad she got that off her chest (She'll try to make it up to her on their first date, she hoped.) In a split second, Minju's almond eyes turn into crescent moons, her indian dimples showing and a large, toothy grin forming on her lips, squishing her cheeks. She raises up her hands, still entangled with Chaewon's, and gives the older's palm a peck.
"Took you long enough."
And just like that, as Chaewon and Minju go home that day, the older is left with not only a lingering warmth on her hands like the first time they met, but also a lipstick stain on her cheeks, courtesy of the all-so-clumsy (still perfect in her eyes) Kim Minju, now her girlfriend.
Maybe in life, it's okay to want a few things.
Like in this case, Chaewon wanted to hold Minju's hand and never let go.
And she was determined to do that.