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(Cetara, Amalfi Coast, Italy)
The first time Donghyuck meets Renjun, they’re on a beach somewhere in Southern Italy. Donghyuck had been sipping on one too many bellinis, sprawled out on the beach in the hot summer sun, and he can’t be bothered to resist as his travel buddy for the past few weeks—Jaemin—drags him towards another group of boys about their age scattered on a few blankets with a worn-out boom box plopped in the middle of their circle.
“Jeno? Is that you?” The boy with long, shaggy black hair looks up and the way his eyes curve into a smile remind Donghyuck of a puppy. He gets up and greets Jaemin with a hug as if they’ve known each other for years (which they might’ve, for all Donghyuck knows. He met Jaemin at a hostel in Greece and they decided to pair up after that).
Donghyuck spends the rest of the day getting to know the guys that comprise the small circle. Jeno, as it turns out, is a friend of Jaemin’s from their childhood town before Jaemin’s family moved to the States. Jeno smiles the whole time he explains that Jaemin and him go way back, and Donghyuck can’t quite explain the way his presence is comforting, his voice soothing and his eyes warm with welcoming kindness. There’s a dude from Canada named Mark who laughs loudly and freely and speaks English perfectly, accent undetectable in a way that makes Donghyuck flare with jealousy. Another one of the guys is a young and innocent-looking kid, barely a few months over the age of 18 named Jisung who speaks soft and smiles even softer. Rounding out the group is a pair of cousins from China, one boy named Chenle who seems to buzz with light and life and who throws just as many jokes and jabs into their circle in the same way Donghyuck tends to do with his own friends, and then there’s—
“Renjun. How’s it going?” The boy has shiny black hair that hangs just over his eyes as he blinks up at Donghyuck. He’s got a narrow face with sharp cheekbones, honey-filled eyes, and the grin he aims at Donghyuck is beautifully bright even under the afternoon rays of sun that glimmer and reflect off the waters that lap at the shore a dozen feet away. He has the kind of smile that Donghyuck likes to ruin.
“It’s going well. The name’s Donghyuck.”
By the time the sun sets over the water, hues of orange and red bleeding into the clouds dotted across the horizon, Donghyuck discovers that Renjun laughs like the sun—warm and light—and his lips taste like the sea—salty and sweet.
(Terracina, Italy)
One morning a week after they’ve first met (and after Jaemin and Donghyuck abandon their plans of heading straight to Amsterdam to follow the others through the rest of their self-guided European tour), Renjun is stretched out over the sand, sunbathing and soaking up the rays on the small piece of beach they've settled on for the day. Donghyuck can feel the grin pulling at the corner of his lips as he leans over with his hands shoved in his pockets, effectively blocking all the sunlight and casting a shadow across Renjun’s face—across his closed eyes and the soft smile that seems to grace his lips 24/7.
Renjun just groans as he pushes himself up on his elbows, opening his eyes to meet Donghyuck’s. Gone is the soft and serene smile, replaced by knit eyebrows and lips turned downward in frustration.
“Really, Hyuck?”
“I’m just protecting you. I hear the sun is harmful for your skin.”
“Bad for the skin, good for the soul—I’ll take what I can get,” Renjun says, kicking his foot forward and tapping Donghyuck in the shin in an effort to get him to move. Donghyuck doesn’t let up though; instead, he drops to his knees and lays his entire body weight over Renjun, leaning up on his elbows just enough so that he can look down at the other eye to eye.
“You sure you can handle it?” Donghyuck teases. The sun is strong, sure, and there’s not a cloud in sight—but the way Donghyuck’s body is pressed against Renjun’s closely, not a centimeter between them, and the teasing lilt of his voice shows the true double entendre Donghyuck was going for.
Renjun rolls his eyes and for someone so small, he sure has a lot of strength bottled beneath the surface if the way he manages to shove Donghyuck off of him is any indication. Donghyuck gives in, falling to the side and settling in the sand next to Renjun. Their bare arms are touching where they lay next to one another, but Renjun doesn’t seem to mind as his eyes slip closed again, an even bigger smile than before stretching across as his lips as he cranes his face toward the sun.
(Rome, Italy)
Donghyuck has never understood why the people in his hometown always seemed to pair up as the last days of May and the first days of June began to blend together, only to go their separate ways as the autumn breeze settled in once September came. The relationships never lasted through the change of the seasons, and Donghyuck never understood why all his friends clambered over one another to secure a partner just to leave them a few weeks later.
But he gets it now, the appeal of a summer fling.
He likes being able to grab Renjun’s hand in his and pull him down the street just as easily as he can let go of Renjun’s hands, fingers falling out of his grasp. He likes the way Renjun asks him questions about himself (where he’s from, how old he is, how many siblings he’s got), but they never breach the heavy stuff (what do you dream of, what are you afraid of, what are you doing with your life).
If Renjun gets too close, Donghyuck can take a few steps away and there will be no repercussions, no fights to be had or words to be said. Renjun lets him go, lets him be, and Donghyuck eventually finds his way right back to Renjun, arms wrapped around him from behind as Donghyuck rests his chin on Renjun’s shoulder and presses a quick kiss to his cheek.
It’s easy with Renjun, and as Donghyuck watches Renjun try to make productive conversation with some of the locals, laughter shared over pizza and wine as the Roman sun beats down on them, Donghyuck wonders if the easiness comes from the temporary bliss of the summer fling, or the way Renjun’s smile makes something spread through his veins and settle somewhere deep in his chest.
(Florence, Italy)
They’re at a bar up in Florence and Renjun meets his stare across the floor as Jaemin sits beside him, talking his ear off, a wordless challenge in the form of a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Donghyuck slips away from Mark and Jeno’s conversation easily just as Jaemin moves over to Jisung and Chenle, and Donghyuck takes the chance to slide into the now-empty seat next to Renjun at the bar.
“You know you have a staring problem, right?” Renjun quips, biting on the straw of his drink as he glances over at Donghyuck.
“Me? You were the one burning a hole in the back of my head from across the bar earlier.”
“I wasn’t staring,” Renjun refuses, tracing the rim of the glass with his finger in delicate, circular motions. Donghyuck wants him to trace those circles and shapes on the skin on the back of his hand instead.
“Really? What would you call that then?”
“Admiring. What’s wrong with admiring, hm?” The way Renjun’s voice goes up, head tilting to the side as his lips curve into a soft and crooked smile makes Donghyuck’s cheeks warm and his heart beat a split-second faster.
He scoffs and grabs the rest of Renjun’s drink out of his hand. “Whatever.”
As he sips out of the straw and Renjun laughs, he realizes he’s a little out of his depth. He’s always been on the giving end of those little smiles—always been the one doling out compliments and watching as the other person used to blush and stutter. He’s not quite sure what to do now that he’s standing on the other side of things, but he doesn’t mind it quite as much as he thought he would.
(Munich, Germany)
“What are you doing?”
They’ve stopped at a hostel in Germany and Donghyuck walks into Renjun looting through his shit, his once-neatly and strategically folded clothes thrown askew around the room as Renjun rummages through his bag.
“What’s it look like? I’m out of clean shirts and I’m too tired to do laundry. I’m borrowing one of yours.”
“I don’t even get a please or thank you?” Donghyuck can’t help but tease the smaller man, not when the glare he gets in return is meant to be intimidating but comes off as something else entirely as Renjun's lips form a pout that was probably supposed to be a scowl. Cute.
“Can I please,” he says, exasperation dripping into his voice, “borrow one of your shirts?”
“Only because you said please,” Donghyuck says, reaching into the suitcase and pulling out his ugly blue button down with neon hibiscus flowers on it. He holds it out for Renjun but all he gets in return is a shove as the other boy ignores his offer and snags his favorite shirt—a plain white cotton t-shirt that’s battered from years and years of wear and tear, the neckline stretched out and the color faded to a slight gray—before bolting out of them room.
When Renjun runs away with a laugh, Donghyuck lets him go even though it would be so easy to stop him with a pair of arms around his waist.
(Renjun never does give the shirt back, and Donghyuck never does bring it up.)
(Frankfurt, Germany)
“Are you kidding me?” Jaemin groans, stopping in his tracks as Mark starts conversing with a wayward traveler who must have been from America if his clothing and facial expression was anything to judge by. Donghyuck isn’t the best at English, he’d rather stick to Spanish or Italian, but he hears the word picture as Mark hands the tourist a disposable Kodak camera.
“Come on, just one! We need proof of our epic European journey for when we reminisce to our kids when we’re middle-aged.” Mark hurries over and squeezes between Jisung and Chenle, slinging an arm around each of their shoulders as Jaemin hops on Jeno’s back, hooking his legs around the others waist with a bright smile on his face.
Renjun doesn’t hesitate to lean against Donghyuck’s side, looping their arms together.
The American tourist takes their photo with the resounding click of the Kodak camera and Mark looks so happy that Donghyuck finds it hard to rag on him for it.
Later, when they’re in a shitty motel room and Donghyuck is drinking a beer on the balcony, he hears the tell-tale snap of a camera shutter. He turns around and there, leaning against the doorway with a sly smirk and Kodak camera in hand, is Renjun. He takes the few steps over to where Donghyuck is sitting, dropping the camera onto the glass table beside him before he drops into Donghyuck’s lap, arms winding around his neck.
“What was that for?”
Renjun doesn’t answer at first, opting to steal Donghyuck’s beer from his loose grip and tilting back the last few sips instead.
“For memories, Donghyuck. For memories.”
(Amsterdam, Netherlands)
Donghyuck is glad that the guys had Amsterdam on their itinerary because he falls in love with the city on the first night. The possibilities seem endless and every day could be a new adventure. There's a charge of energy everywhere they go in the city, and the way the city glows and glimmers, lights shining off the canals, feels a lot like the stuff hopes and dreams are made of.
Everybody seems to have different plans in mind though—Mark brings Chenle and Jisung to the Rijksmuseum while Jeno and Jaemin decide to go cycling and rent some bikes from a shop in town—which is how he ends up alone with Renjun for the day.
They were in Vondelpark when dark clouds start to roll in, the sun being swallowed whole by the waves of dark grey that stretch over the sky as thunder rumbles close by.
“We’re gonna get stuck in the storm if we don’t hurry,” Renjun grumbles, grabbing Donghyuck by the hand and tugging him in an effort to walk faster down the sidewalks back to their hotel. Donghyuck can already feel droplets of rain on his skin, just seconds apart, and as he tilts his head back to look up at the angry clouds that loom overhead, he stops in his tracks. Renjun is forced to stop too, their hands joined together pulling him back into Donghyuck’s body with a soft thud as another rumble of thunder cracks through the sky and the rain starts to come down even harder.
“Donghyuck, what are you doing?” Renjun shouts as he tries to pull him under the safety of an awning (Brasserie Van Dam), but Donghyuck stays rooted in his spot as the rain begins to pour. Renjun yelps and ducks under the awning, holding the magazine from the museum above his head for extra coverage. Donghyuck, on the other hand, is soaked head to toe in just a few seconds. His hair is damp and plastered to his forehead and his clothes are hanging on his body, clinging to him like a second skin, but he loves every second of it.
He can’t help but laugh as he tilts his head back, his eyes slipping shut as another roar of thunder rolls through the city. The rain is cool on his skin and it’s refreshing, reenergizing—he feels alive.
“You’re a real idiot, you know that? You’re gonna catch pneumonia!” Renjun chastises him from the safety of the awning, peering up at the sky as if it's going to open up even more than it already has to release a flood.
“That’s never stopped me before. Come on, live a little!”
And when Donghyuck holds his hand out for the other, he sees the moment that Renjun caves in, the way his eyes soften as a smile breaks out over his lips and then Renjun is stepping out into the rain with a loud laugh, one hand taking Donghyuck's, the other splayed out carefully to test the waters, letting the rain fall into his hands, running in rivulets down the lifelines of his palm. When he looks at Donghyuck, he's all white teeth and brown eyes and so breathtakingly beautiful that it would be a crime not to kiss him.
So Donghyuck does.
(they run the 3 blocks back to the hotel and stand under the luke-warm, low-pressure shower head and take turns pressing kisses into each other’s skin)
(Rotterdam, Netherlands)
“Do you ever miss home?”
Renjun asks him this one night when they’re in Rotterdam, sitting on a dock down by the ports. They’ve never talked about home before, not really besides the basic pleasantries exchanged when they first met, and Donghyuck is a little thrown off by the depth of it all (but then again, maybe for Renjun, home isn’t such a hard question to answer).
“Home? Nah. I haven’t really found a place that feels like home long enough to stay,” he admits, feeling strangely vulnerable under the full moon that seems to take up the entire sky. There are no stars in the sky, obstructed by the city lights and pollution, and Donghyuck is somehow glad that there’s less witnesses to this moment.
When Donghyuck looks at Renjun, the other boy's eyes are closed and he’s leaning back on his palms, face turned towards the heavens and head tilted back, moonlight falling over his defined cheekbones in ribbons of silver.
“That’s alright. Home is overrated. Anyways, don’t they say home is where the heart is? I’d rather find people I belong to rather than a place.”
The feeling of adoration is thick in Donghyuck’s throat, and he has to swallow down the fondness that threatens to slip off the tip of his tongue under the street lamps and moonlight.
(Paris, France)
After a week in the Netherlands, they finally drag themselves down to France where Donghyuck discovers that Renjun speaks French. So does Mark, a little bit given his Canadian roots, but it’s different when Renjun speaks. Where Mark stumbles over pronunciation and his sentences are joined together irregularly, the words flow seamlessly from Renjun's lips, each syllable rolling off his tongue with practiced precision.
Donghyuck also discovers Renjun’s penchant for fine art and beauty, for anything cultured and classy, really. Renjun has a habit of dragging him to art galleries here and there—everything from The Louvre to no-name pottery studios tucked behind alleyways, Renjun manages to uncover every treasure the city has to offer.
Donghyuck has never been one for refinement. He prefers reality—the ugly truth and the nitty gritty imperfections of someone’s face first thing in the morning, or the split second right before they catch your eyes on them, the unfiltered expressions and the realness of it all. Donghyuck has always been rough around the edges and he prefers to see the world the way the world sees him.
But Renjun loves art, loves its smooth edges and perfect details. Donghyuck can see it in the way that Renjun studies every painting and every sculpture with a thoroughness that can only be passion. He points out things Donghyuck could never dream of seeing on his own, and his whole face brightens every time they step through the threshold of a new gallery or studio.
Renjun studies the art and Donghyuck takes his time and studies Renjun, and he begins to think maybe a mixture of the real and the surreal, the beautiful and the ugly, is the perfect balance he's been looking for.
(Lyon, France)
Donghyuck thinks that France is his new favorite country and it’ll be hard to top, for so many reasons.
The food is good, the buildings are beautiful, and it’s the country where he learns so much more about each of the newfound brothers he’s somehow stumbled across: Mark’s parents died in a car accident and all he has left is his brother, Jeno volunteers at a hospital in his free time because he spent a lot of time there himself as a child stuck behind four walls with no friends and no fun to be had, Chenle ran away from home because his parents wanted him to study business and take over the family corporation one day when all Chenle wants to do is play music, and Jisung’s been a nomad for 3 months now and he’s lived much more than his wide, bright eyes could ever give away.
And Renjun, well. Donghyuck learns more about Renjun than he ever bargained for. Like the fact that Renjun hums in his sleep, low sounds that get stuck in his throat in the middle of the night, or how his toes always begin to twitch right before he wakes up, like morning starts at the bottom of his body and makes its way up until it reaches his eyes, which flutter open slowly each morning as the sunrise streams through the window. He discovers that Renjun is crazy smart, rattling facts off about French Renaissance artists and ordering for the group seamlessly in French as the waiter stares at him with stars in his eyes. Donghyuck learns all the hidden birthmarks that are etched into Renjun’s skin, learns all the places on his body that bring out little sighs of pleasure and little moans of pain, learns all the things that make Renjun tick.
Above everything, it’s the first country he finally gets to fuck Renjun in. He takes him apart piece by piece until the other boy is reduced to a mess beneath him, moaning into the pillow as his fingers fist into the sheet below him—thin, baby-blue cotton bunched between pale, delicate fingers. Donghyuck takes Renjun’s hands from where they’re tangled in the sheets and pulls them behind his back, holding him close as his thrusts turn harder and meaner, and Renjun just takes everything that Donghyuck has to give.
As it turns out, France isn’t so bad.
(Montpellier, France)
“Do you think there’s something more out there for us all?”
Both Renjun and Mark had one too many glasses of wine at the restaurant they decided on for dinner, and now Chenle and Jisung are struggling to hold Mark up as they walk through the streets of Montpellier back to their home for the night. Renjun is slumped against Donghyuck, and even though Jeno and Jaemin had both offered to help, Donghyuck insisted he could help Renjun all on his own. But after Renjun whispers those words in his ear, Donghyuck is having second thoughts.
“What do you mean?”
Renjun stops and Donghyuck stops with him, adjusting his grip around the other man’s shoulders as the rest of their group continues on ahead, oblivious to the two who are lagging behind.
Renjun takes Donghyuck’s face in his hand, holding his chin in between his index finger and thumb, turning Donghyuck's face until he's staring into Renjun's eyes.
“For all of us, you know? Jisung, Chenle, Mark, Jeno, Jaemin… and you, Donghyuck. Especially you. You guys deserve to be happy, you deserve so much more than what the world has given you. Do you think that’s out there—do you, do you think there’s something more out there, waiting for us?”
The way Renjun is looking at him, so open and so transparent, it’s almost more than he can bear. Almost.
He manages to pull a smile and aim it towards Renjun as they resume their steps, slowly catching up to where Mark has fallen down onto the cobblestone alley, the two youngest struggling to help him up.
“Yeah, Jun. There’s more out there for all of us. Especially you.”
He feels Renjun lean against his shoulder, his soft hair brushing against the skin of his neck, and he prays that the happiness Renjun is talking about isn’t too far off for all of them. In fact, Donghyuck would never say this out loud, but he’s pretty happy exactly where he is right now. Staggering through the alleys of France in the middle of the night with 6 strangers, and he might as well be home. The boy on his shoulder is becoming a bigger part of his life and his happiness, and he’s not quite sure what to make of it.
(Barcelona, Spain)
Renjun might know French but Donghyuck has been learning Spanish since he could walk, and he soon finds out that Renjun is a sucker for the language.
The first time he speaks Spanish is when he’s ordering for the group at dinner. All of their heads whip towards Donghyuck, but Renjun’s eyes are especially heavy as they lay on him from across the table. When the waiter walks away, the questions are flung his way (I didn’t know you speak Spanish, how long have you been practicing the language?), but the only person he cares about is Renjun, whose eyes don’t leave him for the rest of the night, always lingering on him from three seats away.
The second time is in their cab on the way back to their hotel towards the heart of the city (they’d decided to splurge on a nice hotel for their fast night in Spain). Donghyuck exchanges quick formalities with the cab driver and rattles off the address to the hotel, but even that was enough. The way Renjun’s eyes darkened and the look he gave Donghyuck in the back of the cab said more than words possibly could.
The third time is when Renjun tugs him into their hotel room with one hand fisted in the front of his shirt, the other tangled in his hair. Their lips clash together in a mess of desperation and want, the taste of sangria still lingering on their tongues. It doesn’t take long until Renjun’s got Donghyuck exactly where he wants him, riding him within an inch of his life against the headboard of the bed.
When Renjun throws his head back with a loud moan, hips grinding down against Donghyuck’s, the words slip out unprompted.
“Te adoro.”
Renjun chokes on a moan as Donghyuck fucks up into him harder and there’s not many words exchanged after that point in any language.
(Spain knocks France right out of the park.)
Atmosphere (Madrid, Spain)
It’s Mark’s idea.
Madrid is the last stop for their rag-tag group of travelers. After this, Mark has to go back to Canada to finish his senior year of college, Jaemin and Jeno have decided to head for London where Jeno ended up settling down, Jisung is headed back to Germany where they’d encountered a tight-knit Korean community in Frankfurt, and Chenle and Renjun are flying back to China. As for Donghyuck, he has no clue where he’s going after this, but the bittersweet fact is that everybody else has their own plans—their own destinations—and in Mark’s words, they need one last adventure together before moving on.
That’s how Donghyuck finds himself in a crowded club in Madrid at 1 a.m. on a Wednesday night. The music is blasting, the people around him are all singing along, and Donghyuck is drunk on the feeling of Renjun’s body pressed close against his, the expanse of Renjun's shoulders pressed right against Donghyuck's chest. Renjun’s arms are snaked around the back of his neck, fingers fisting in the back of his hair as his hips sway in a way that’s entirely too sexy right where his ass is pressed against against Donghyuck.
It’s not until Renjun turns around—teeth on full display in a cheeky grin as his hand moves to cup Donghyuck’s cheek in a gesture that’s too gentle for the setting—that Donghyuck feels his heart burst in his chest as the other looks at him in a way that’s sugar-sweet and soft.
The atmosphere between the two of them has been building from the very first day on the beaches of Italy. It followed them to every country, stuck around through all the cities—through Rome and Amsterdam and Paris and Barcelona. And now that they’ve reached their final destination, Donghyuck can’t deny the truth any longer.
He can’t help himself as he leans in close enough to feel the heat of Renjun’s skin as he says just loud enough for Renjun to hear—
“Te quiero.”
When he pulls away, the world seems to stop as Renjun looks at him with eyes that are wide with surprise, smile fallen from his lips and replaced with a slack-jawed look that makes Donghyuck almost regret his impulsiveness. Almost .
The way Renjun all but launches himself against Donghyuck—lips crashing onto his in a rough kiss that tastes like tequila with too much teeth—is worth it and more. The world continues to spin after that, but Renjun stays in Donghyuck’s reach the rest of the night.
Suitcase (Madrid, Spain)
The sun is shining entirely too bright at 9 in the morning as Donghyuck stands on the curbside with Mark, watching as Jisung and Chenle cling to one another teary-eyed and Jeno and Jaemin swallow Renjun into a hug. Chenle and Renjun are the first ones leaving, hopping on a flight back to China. Chenle’s parents are expecting him back in time for the autumn semester to start and Renjun doesn’t really have a plan other than to help his cousin figure out the next step.
Two suitcases sit on the curbside, packed and ready to go, and everything’s been said except goodbye.
But Donghyuck doesn’t want to say goodbye; he fucking hates goodbyes. They always feel too final and you never know which goodbye will be your last.
Definite (Madrid, Spain)
Nothing in Donghyuck’s life has ever been definite. He’s a wild soul—his heart is a free bird that hates to be caged down, wings confined and feet grounded to a single spot. He’s never let anything or anyone hold him back, has always followed his heart no matter what corner of the world it was dragging him to. He’s not good at sitting still, he’s never been consistent with anything in his life, and he hates absolutes and promises.
But as Mark is shoving the suitcases in the trunk of a cab and as Renjun smiles up at Donghyuck in a way that’s reminiscent of light-hearted kisses broken by laughter and soft moans and softer hands, Donghyuck thinks he’s ready for a little bit of certainty in his life. He wants Renjun in full, not in the tiny pieces Renjun’s been gifting him all this time. He wants more than rushed kisses on balconies and hand jobs in showers. He wants it all, the good and the bad and the ugly and the beautiful.
Renjun turns to say something to Jaemin, but before he can speak, Donghyuck’s hand is reaching out and grabbing him by the wrist. It’s a gentle hold, fingers gripped loosely around his wrist. Renjun can break free if he wants to, just one tug of his arm and Donghyuck would easily let go.
“Wait.”
Renjun doesn’t move, at least not his arm. He glances back at Donghyuck, eyes open like the clear and cloudless sky above, and Donghyuck doesn’t know why he didn’t say something sooner.
“Don’t go.”
“What?”
“Don’t leave. Stay. Just for a little while, how about you stay?” The with me is silent, but Renjun’s always had a way of being able to coax Donghyuck’s heart from the confines of his ribcage and paint it on his sleeve for the world to see just with a touch of fingertips and a summer-sun smile—the same smile that slowly stretches across Renjun’s lips until he’s grinning at Donghyuck.
“I always did want to see Málaga.”