Chapter Text
There was a flurry of whispers among the girls in Hogwarts that has apparently brought more house unity than ever before, it baffled the boys of the school, and quite frankly, the professors as well.
It all began when Slughorn had created trios for potions class, Daphne Greengrass, Hannah Abbott and Padma Patil were paired. Hannah and Padma had begun discussing Padma’s date with Michael Corner. Apparently Padma and Michael had been intimate and she was surprised to find out his private member was not exceptionally large despite his height. This is when Daphne, who had been silently eavesdropping, cut in and asked how large his feet were.
Much to Hannah and Padma’s surprise, they were too stunned that the Slytherin had even talked to them to say anything back. When Daphne asked again, Padma finally found her words.
“What do you mean...his feet?” Padma asked, befuddled by the question.
“I mean how big are his feet, it’s a dead give away.” Daphne said, throwing crumpled bits of moonseed into their cauldron.
Hannah and Padma both shared a look, neither having any clue what she was speaking of.
“Uh, I don’t know, average sized, I suppose?” Padma responded, still confused.
“Well there ya go. Average sized feet, average sized penis.” Daphne said nonchalantly, making Hannah snort and then clasping a hand over her mouth at the sudden noise.
“And just how would you know?” Padma asked, jutting out her hip, giving the Slytherin girl a skeptical look. Daphne’s lips spread into a very slow smile, it looked cunning and flirty.
“Well everyone knows,” She said, dusting her hands on her robes, “the bigger the feet the bigger the dick.”
After the little encounter, the three girls spent every potions class discussing boys in seventh and eighth year who had the biggest feet. Padma of course told Parvarti, Hannah had told Susan, from there the little saying had spread around Hogwarts like wildfire. Ginny came up with the marvelous idea to create a list, marking down which boys had the biggest feet, and of course how well the theory matched the saying.
Padma kept the list, seemingly making herself the secretary and organized get togethers in all the common rooms every Thursday night. Ravenclaws hosted every first Thursday, then Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and ended with Slytherins. Some nights they had nothing new to report on and instead would gossip about past ventures, or shared house secrets.
The girls had single handedly boosted morale after the war, bridging together and finding common ground through gossip and scandalous stories.
It drove the boys of Hogwarts mad. They had often tried to find out what had suddenly connected the girls so deeply and kept them all hush hush and giggly around them. Some of them had even reached across their own aisles and asked if other houses had known what was going on. Theo Nott, Anthony Goldstein and Roger Malone had all mentioned how annoying the increased sounds of their snickers had become during potions class. No man had successfully intercepted any notes, or heard anything in the common rooms, despite their honest efforts.
“This is fucking ridiculous. I didn’t think it was possible for girls to get more annoying.” Theo complained, slouching down on the sofa in the Slytherin common room. It became a sort of routine for the boys to meet in the common room when it was clearly the Thursday the girls met.
“Anthony said McClaggen was going to pay some third year girl from Ravenclaw to eavesdrop on them today, so we’ll see how that goes.” Blaise commented, and Draco snorted. Both boys lifted their heads over to him at the noise.
“What?” Theo noisily asked.
“McClaggen just lost galleons and you guys are no closer to figuring out what they’re up to.” He casually said, eyes not leaving the roll of parchment for his potions assignment.
“Maybe we’d be closer to figuring out what’s going on if you actually decided to help plot with us.” Theo responded, his stare narrowed in an accusatory manner.
“It’s funnier to watch you all struggle and plus…I genuinely don’t care.” Draco said and stood up to head to his room, snickering to himself as he heard his friends continue to discuss the possibilities of what the girls were talking about all the time.
Hermione was on the quest to learn something new. Though she doubted the actual claimed ‘fact’ was true and thought it was more hearsay, she was extremely curious to do her own research instead of base it off of others.
Hermione, who of course heard of the theory early on from Ginny, laughed at the notion. Anatomy and biology don’t work like that, there was no proof to even back up such a claim. But seeing all the girls giggle and talk to each other in classes made her feel left out, so she decided to join in on the discussions and offered to protect their meetings with her extensive knowledge of silencing charms and wards.
She tagged along to the get togethers, for research of course. The compressive list Padma had drawn up was actually quite impressive and had very few outliers. According to the witches and their experiences, most of the upper year level boys had actually proven the theory.
The average foot size for men was 27.9 centimeters, a size ten. The average penis size was 12.95 to 13.97 centimeters. The boys who had average sized penises more often than not were a size ten shoe, that included, Michael Corner, Neville Longbottom, Roger Malone, Justin Finch-Fletchley and Ernie Macmillan.
They decided that anyone with a foot size of 11.5 or larger, would mean they most likely had an above average penis which was anything above 16 centimeters. Those above average boys included Blaise Zabini, Anthony Goldstein, Dean Thomas and Zacharias Smith.
Hermione had objections, like how did they know the exact size of the member, how did they find out the size of their shoes and how can the girls who had been intimate with those boys remember correctly the details. She brought up valid points and now the new task of the get togethers was to plot how to verify their findings. They also created a list of anomalies that included boys whose members were thick but not necessarily large, or, long but not thick and how that would play into their foot size.
Despite the actual disgusting talk of male genitals, it was a lot of fun, and the first semester was passing quickly because of the girls’ dedication to find out the truth. They had successfully confirmed the sizes of shoes of almost every seventh and eighth year, except one: Draco Malfoy.
The Slytherin had been a recluse the entire year, only speaking to Nott and Zabini, only ever seen in the common room or library outside of classes, he never even went to Hogsmeade on the weekends. He was dutiful to his work, possibly the only thing he did was study, it was the hardest anyone had ever seen him work in school.
Hermione had noticed how quiet he’d become almost immediately. He’d only speak in classes when spoken to by the Professors, his voice seemed oddly lower since last year. Maybe she’d just imagined it or it was from his lack of speaking that caused his voice to ricochet through the walls of the classrooms.
Draco Malfoy had strangely also been the only person where no girl had heard a reliable story to share. Daphne had assured the group that no one had ever gotten involved with him, including Pansy. No girl at Hogwarts had so much as shared a kiss with him, he was an enigma and Hermione felt intrigued.
At the last meeting Daphne and Ginny had challenged the girls to get creative with proving the theory correct. They had suggested that the boys who had not had any known sexual history be seduced by one of the girls in the group. Essentially the boys who they had to guess at the size of their lengths only going off shoe size were the targets. The people that remained were Theodore Nott, Terry Boot, Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy. They had the week to decide who would volunteer as a participant in the research.
Which led to right now, as the group of girls currently sat in the Gryffindor common room, all laughing about a gone wrong transfiguration class today involving Seamus, of course, and a rather grim attempt at transfiguring a desk into a bar of soap. His successful transfigurations lasted a second until the bar of soap exploded and bubbled filled the room like a bathtub.
Once the laughter had settled Daphne stood up and tried to grab everyone’s attention.
“Okay okay! Let’s get down to business. Has everyone had time to think about the cause?” Everyone roared with laughter at Daphne referring to their little research project as the cause.
“Will we get a bloody medal if we join the cause?” Susan joked from the corner of the room, making more laughter erupt from the girls.
“Oooh! That’s actually not a bad idea, Bones. Shall we make the cause more worthwhile?” Daphne waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
“Monetary rewards?” Ginny suggested.
Some of the girls agreed, others moaned with disapproval.
“Instead of rewards why don’t we do punishments?” Parvati gleefully added. The crowd oo’ed.
“Smart girl Parv. So punishments? Will that deter any of the girls who wanted to volunteer today?” Daphne asked.
“Can we discuss what the punishments will be first? Nothing overly embarrassing.” Sophie Roper asked, politely raising a hand.
“Ladies? Any suggestions?” Daphne opened the floor for discussion.
“A naked dive in the Black Lake?” One girl suggested.
“Sneak into the boy’s dorms and collect their underwear?” Lisa spoke.
“String it up in the Great Hall!” Hannah added with a giggle.
“Kiss a sixth year in the Great Hall!”
The girls had laughed and cheered anytime someone came up with a good idea. Some were so ridiculous and hilarious, everyone nearly had tears in their eyes as they continued on their brainstorm.
“Pants one of the boys on the list!”
“Eat a whole box of Every Flavor Beans?”
“Wait!” Ginny hollered, making every girl in the room fall silent, all eyes were on the redhead as she slowly stood up, a devilish smile taking over her face. “If the volunteers fail to properly seduce their assigned boy and get the information we need, then they must flash them their top half goodies!”
They all jeered and some of the girls clapped five with Ginny. It seems they all agreed on the suggested punishment. It wasn’t too terribly bad and Hermione even thought it would be truly funny to see the look on the boy’s face, whoever it ended up being.
“Perfect. Now that we have the punishment, we need four brave souls to give their bodies and brains to the cause. Who will be the first one to step up?” Daphne asked, Padma was ready with a quill and parchment to write down the name.
Hermione raised her hand almost immediately, earning her own roars of cheers and whistles.
“Bloody Gryffindors I should have known you’d be first.” Daphne jousted.
“What can I say? You’ve presented an interesting theory. I need more proof than just some of everyone’s words so I’m going out into the field to find out the truth for myself.” Her little speech earned a round of applause from the room and she laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.
“Have to say I’m slightly shocked, rumors are that you’re either a prude or Ronald Weasley’s girlfriend.” Daphne said with raised eyebrows. Hermione crossed her arms and smiled with her chin jutted out.
“While I’m neither and belong only to myself.” Another round of applause for the golden Gryffindor.
“Well is there anyone in particular you’re hoping to get?” Padma asked, as she threw her name written on the parchment into the enchanted hat.
“Mm, I think Theo’s cute, so is Zabini honestly.” She admitted and took her seat again, next to Hannah.
“Ooo, Granger’s got a thing for snakes! Well good luck to you and may you be as skilled in seduction as you are in everything else in the world. Okay who’s next?”
“Me! Always up for a challenge involving a cute boy.” Parvati grinned.
Lisa Turpin volunteered and then there was only one more needed for their cause. Everyone looked around, patiently waiting, but no one else rose and it suddenly dawned on the group that maybe their mission would fail.
“No one? Come on ladies.” After another moment of silence Daphne rolled her eyes. “Fine you bloody prudes, add my name Padma.”
The girls laughed and once Padma had added the final name to the hat, they all leaned in closer, patiently waiting for it to magically spit out the pairings. They watched as the hat began to glow and a parchment flew out, Padma grabbed it.
“Parv and Boot.”
The girls clapped and Parvati flipped her hair off her shoulder. “I’ll have him eating out the palm of my hands before New Years.” Everyone laughed and watched as the hat spit out another piece of parchment. Daphne grabbed this one.
“Lisa and Nott, have fun with that one love.” She winked and Lisa actually blushed while Ginny nudged her with a hoot.
The next note came out and Hermione began to bite the skin around her thumbnail. She suddenly became extremely nervous, knowing her chances for pairing with a certain Slytherin were now increasing. She didn’t think she’d actually get matched with him, and her interest lied more with others that she could probably pull something off, not with an impossible task.
The room went dead silent as the hat puffed out the parchment, all eyes casted on the falling piece of paper. Padma’s hand reached for it and her mouth opened, eyes widened and she didn’t speak for a moment. Hermione felt her stomach wind up with anxiety. Oh no.
“Zabini and Daph.” Padama said, eyes wide at the group. “Which means—“
“Malfoy and Granger.” Daphne tensely said, her lips twitching to the side.
There was a small cluster of gasps as Hermione felt her chest roll. Everyone waited to see her reaction, even Daphne fell quiet, unsure of what to say. Hermione took a breath and rolled her shoulders back, projecting the fakest and reassuring smile ever, concealing her disappointment.
“Well…looks like I’ll be flashing Malfoy my tits.” She spoke and the room was deadly silent, until Ginny muffled a laugh that sounded like she was choking and then everyone cackled up a storm. She felt her muscles loosen a bit, and the girls began offering their own pieces of advice.
“Flash him before Christmas leave, so you won’t have to see him.” Hannah suggested.
“If one of us fails with our boys you could always give it a try?” Parvati stated, but the idea seemed gross.
“Sooner you do it, the sooner we can find a new partner.” Daphne said, and Hermione offered her a thin smile but her mood felt ruined.
She was determined to make the most of her research, live out the eighth year to the fullest especially after the war. There was nothing that she wouldn’t do this year, within reason, determined to make up for the years she was too busy trying to save the world, she promised herself to never let an opportunity go awry. Right now it felt like one of the best ones just slipped through her fingers.
No. This wouldn’t be the end of the road. Odds were against her, hell, she was against herself, but her mind was made up and the wheels were turning in her brain. Hermione wouldn’t let her pairing deter her from her desired success. She’d try for the remainder of the semester to seduce Malfoy, for the sake of the cause. She owed it to the girls and to herself, the research would have to be extensive and complete in order for it to be correct. She would have to be tactical, cunning and careful, she was dealing with a Slytherin after all.
But even as she sat and helped organize planned attacks for how to get the boys attention without giving up their reasonings, Hermione felt her hope dwindle. All the other girls’ tasks felt tangible, and Malfoy felt like an unclimbable mountain.
As if it weren’t enough that he didn’t speak to anyone other than Zabini and Nott this year, Hermione had noticed he would stay as far away from her as possible, or so it seemed. At first it just felt like a coincidence, he would get up and move seats in class if she was as much as one desk in front or beside him, so she assumed he wanted to be closer to friends in class. But then it continued happening in every class they shared and Malfoy went as far as to sit next to Neville one day to avoid sitting one desk away from her. It didn’t feel coincidental anymore.
There was also an extraordinarily odd occasion where they would be in the library at the same time. He would rarely be there unless he needed to check out books, but as she would find herself behind him, waiting patiently to check out her own books, he’d turn around, see her and narrow his eyes before walking away impossibly fast.
Hermione wasn’t sure if that was just Malfoy, so she tried to pay attention to the way he’d react with other people but no one seemed to bother him or emit any negative reactions. He seemed totally unperturbed by everyone else in Hogwarts except her and she couldn’t figure out why, it was maddening.
But there were times, on the rare occasion, if she were focusing long enough on her notes in class, she could feel the back of her neck tingle, and her spine straighten, as if someone was watching her. She’d turn her head around the room and always find his pair of gray eyes. They would hold each other’s stare, Hermione challenging him to look away first but he never did, she always caved. His stare never had any malice or snarky emotions behind them, he sometimes looked…thoughtful, or intrigued maybe.
She didn’t harbour any negative feelings towards Malfoy about his part in the war, she could rationalize his decisions and think they were plausible, but apparently he still had some underlying emotions towards her that didn’t feel like they were necessarily positive. He didn’t dislike her, but he also didn’t like her, but she had a hard time believing it was still because she was a muggle-born. She’d find out what his issue was, and then, she’d seduce him.
“Ladies.” Hermione called, interrupting the chatter about Megan’s plans with Boot. Attention was focused on her and she felt something powerful move within herself. “I’m still going to try to finish this with Malfoy.”
Some of the girls let out tiny, disbelieving gasps, others found themselves smiling with their mouths open at her audacity. Hermione looked around and eyes landed on Daphne, who was grinning like a cat.
“But I’ll need all of your help.” Hermione said, deadly serious.
“Just tell us what to do and we’ll make it happen.” Ginny assured and all the girls eagerly nodded. Hermione’s mood surged exponentially and she felt like the girls were about to accomplish monumental.
“It’ll have to start in classes. I need to sit by him in every class if possible.”
“You’ll have to start slower than that, Draco will know you’re up to something if you suddenly go out of your way to sit next to him.” Daphne cautioned and Hermione nodded.
“Good point. So I’ll start tomorrow in charms, he usually sits by Nott so maybe Lisa you can distract Theo before class and can everyone else try their hardest so the only possible seat is next to me?” Hermione asked and everyone nodded.
“Is there any information we should know about the boys to make this a little easier?” Lisa asked, bringing up a very valid point.
“Terry loves rock and roll music.” Hannah said.
“Theo is extremely responsive to sarcastic flirting.” Daphne expressed.
“I overheard Zabini tell Anthony he thinks girls who wear big oversized sweaters and high ponytails are incredibly cute.” Padma added.
Lisa, Parvati and Daphne all nodded, mentally taking in the notes and adding it to their arsenal to use for later. Hermione looked at Daphne, desperation on her face.
“Daphne, is there anything that would be helpful to know about Malfoy? Literally any piece of information?”
Daphne looked unsure, trying to rack her brain for something useful for the golden girl. She tilted her head, a memory coming to her mind and it was absolutely perfect for Hermione.
“In third year, he’d carry around this book like his life depended on it, he’s re-read it every year since. A tattered old thing but suffice to say it’s his favorite book and you can get it in the library. Get it, maybe he’ll bite if he sees you reading it.” Daphne explained and Hermione felt like she was just given a key to a very dark and dreary castle.
“Perfect, what’s the name of the book?”
“’Samuel Sandus and the Guileful Gimlet.’” Daphne said and Hermione frowned.
“Isn’t that…a fiction book?” Hermione questioned, wondering why Malfoy would read something like that, but didn't seem his style.
“Yep, almost a children’s adventure story. But, for some reason it’s his favorite. Faithfully brings it to school like a baby blanket.”
“Interesting. Well I have no complaints I just hope it’ll pique his fascination enough to not be so cold to me.” Hermione replied, not believing she was pinning her plan on a class seating arrangement and a book.
“It will, so any more questions?” Daphne finally asked and everyone in the room shook their heads no. “Alright, we begin tomorrow then.”
“Tomorrow.”
The girls said at once and the sensation of excitement and doughtiness rose within all of them.