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Kylo carried his coffee cup from his desk to the office kitchen. His stomach was rumbling, but all he could think about was getting more caffeine in himself.
While he waited for the coffee to brew, he distractedly listened to Phasma, who was showing Mitaka something on her phone.
"So this guy I know from upstairs, he's incredibly smart. He's got some super scientific YouTube channel for all the geeks. But see how good looking he is?"
Mitaka nodded, hard.
"There was no way he was going unnoticed, not even hiding in some super nerdy corner of the internet. He got found."
"Found?" Squeaked Mitaka.
"Yeah, he got discovered and word got around about a looker in the science blogs. He got tons of new subscribers, but none of them cared about the science. And once that happened, it wasn't long before the dick pics started rolling."
"Really?"
Kylo's ears perked up. Mitaka was trying way too hard to sound casual.
"Yeah so Hux, that's his name, decided to start a new channel, where he posted the pictures, and then roasted them. Like really roasted. He sounds all civilized, but he's insulting the shit out of them." Phasma took her phone and started scrolling, "He calls it Weenie Roast."
Mitaka gave a forced laugh. Kylo looked at Phasma more closely; she knew something.
She showed the phone to Mitaka again, "He upgraded, now he 3-D prints the dicks so he can actually try them out. It gives him even more insight."
Kylo could hear a familiar voice coming from the phone. He also happened to be a subscriber.
Hux was concluding one of his reviews, "It's what you do with the equipment that gives the best or worst results. This particular specimen, however," Kylo could picture him gesturing to the current model on the foam mat before him, "Was accompanied by the text, and I quote, 'put it up your butt'. This is a completely passive voice, which tells me that the owner of this particular specimen expects to be serviced. Which means that he's not doing anything with the equipment, and any pleasure you derive from it was completely your own doing."
There was a thunking sound, and Kylo knew the dick was being dropped into the 'tinder' bucket.
"I have better built toys that do a much more satisfactory job, with much less work on my part," Hux finished.
Kylo smirked, he remembered that episode.
"Oh, and there's this one particular guy, redgenfan, he's sent Hux tons of dick pics."
"Oh?" Squeaked Mitaka, trying even harder to sound cool.
"Oh yeah, tons. He reviewed him like, twice at least. Now he has a special gallery of pics, just for him," Phasma had a look, and Kylo suddenly realized what she was doing, "I'm pretty sure he knows who this guy is."
And with that remark, so did Kylo.
Hux's voice floated across the kitchen again, "This is another example of a smaller dick. However, it's rather thick, right at the base, so it's a great tool for a nice slow, grinding fuck. I believe most of you know redgenfan as my biggest fan," Hux gave what Kylo suspected was an affectionate smirk, and he added, "He just isn't my Biggest fan."
Mitaka's face was bright red. Kylo had to admit, he wouldn't have thought he had it in him. It was always the quiet ones.
She scrolled a little more, then suddenly stopped, "Oh, there's a new episode. And look!" She held the phone up for Mitaka, "There's a dick on the shelf!"
Still attempting to sound clueless, Mitaka asked, "What shelf?"
Kylo poured his coffee and couldn't help drifting behind them on his way back out. He hadn't seen the new episode.
"Hux can always find something to give you shit about. But he saved a spot on the shelf behind him for the 'elusive raw cock', the one he couldn't roast." She whistled, "There is Hux's perfect dick."
Kylo took a sip of his hot coffee, looking over Phasma's shoulder as he walked slowly by.
And then he spewed hot coffee all over poor Mitaka.
Phasma turned around to look at him, her voice full of honeyed innocence, "Oh Kylo, I didn't see you there, are you okay?"
Kylo's heart froze. He mumbled his apologies to Mitaka and hurried back to his desk.
Fuck, he thought as he settled back in at his desk. How did Phasma know he had sent Hux pictures?
And How the Hell did she know that was His dick sitting on Hux's shelf??!