Chapter Text
Seonghwa has a tiny secret. A secret that can be packed inside a suitcase under layers of winter sweaters and old pants; and Hongjoong gets to be the first one to learn the secret.
In other words, Seonghwa likes to buy nice skirts for himself yet never was able to try them on and see for himself how he looked. Its small baby steps on self-acceptance with Hongjoong always by his side.
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Seonghwa rolled his shoulders as he felt the muscles on his back feel more worn out than usual. The recent comeback had him and the rest of the group practicing day and night with barely any time to breath. It was back-to-back variety shows and comeback shows. Every show Ateez appeared made Seonghwa more tired yet equally more excited as it meant preforming Déjà vu for Atiny.
Ateez kept practicing for hours on end without a moment of spare. They were with each other constantly even sharing showers to save time.
However, he was starting to feel the lack of personal time get to him.
The last time he could recall being able to take a long bath with music playing softly in the background seemed ages ago. It was no secret Seonghwa enjoyed taking his time in the showers.
Everyone was getting a bit snippier to each other. Even Jongho, their ever so calm maknae (in comparison to San and Wooyoung), was starting to get visibly annoyed with some members antics. The managers had noticed the change of mood as the practices started to become longer and longer. It wasn’t Mingi’s fault he had tripped over Yunho and in turn spilled all his coffee on Seonghwa.
Before anything exploded, the main manager had clapped his hands for attention and decided to give Ateez the rest of the day off.
Immediately, Mingi and Yunho had sprinted out of the practice room without grabbing their practice bags. They were most likely going to a café to try out the new menu. Wooyoung, Yeosang, and San followed suit quite lazily to get lunch. Jongho wanted to stay for a little longer to practice his vocals, but everyone knew the manager would drag him out to eat something within the hour.
Seonghwa recalled Hongjoong had also stayed behind to help with the music compositions for their special stage with Eden.
He was the only one who opted in going back to the dorm room.
With everyone gone for the rest of the day, Seonghwa was alone in the dorm room when he was dropped off home. Finally, apartment was silent after days of each member complaining about the bathroom being taken by Seonghwa and Mingi and the lack of fridge space because they had no time to clean.
Seonghwa grabbed the front of his shirt and frowned. The coffee most likely stained his favorite practice shirt. He sighed and decided to simply make Mingi get him a new shirt when they had time. He slowly took of his clothes, letting the fact that no one was home be the reason he took longer than usual to strip naked. The clothes neatly landed in the laundry hamper.
Wasting no more time, the male went into the bathroom with a fresh pastel yellow towel. It used to be a crisp white towel until someone had “accidently” mixed a recently dyed yellow shirt with the towels.
He locked the bathtub drain and turned on the faucet, letting the steaming water fill up the tub. As the tub was filling up, Seonghwa opened sink drawers to pick a bath bomb to use. There was a decent sized collection nestled in the back of the drawer. It wasn’t hidden per say but was placed in an inconvenient spot to prevent any grabby hands.
His eyes locked onto a light purple bath bomb with small lavender flowers speckled all over.
~~
After 45 minutes of letting his body soak in the water, Seonghwa decided it was time to get out before the water became cold. The tub started to make small glug sounds as the water was getting drained out. He decided to lightly dry his hair with the dryer after putting lotion on his freshly shaved legs.
The black-haired man had intentionally not picked any clothes to be brought to the bathroom. The towel was wrapped around him snuggly to prevent it from falling to the floor.
With a slight jump in his steps, Seonghwa opened his door and stopped to listen for anyone. It seemed no one was back home and the lack of notifications on his phone in their kakaotalk group chat meant everyone was still busy with whatever they wanted to do.
Seonghwa closed the door and mentally pumped his fist. He still had plenty of alone time!
Like a cat chasing a toy mouse, Seonghwa dove into his shared closet to pull out a black luggage bag with stickers all over it. He placed it in front of him and stared at the zippers. Some remaining water in his hair started to drop on the floor. With shaking hands, he slowly guided the zipper to open creating as little noise as he could as if Hongjoong was still sleeping on their bunk bed.
It felt like an eternity passed when the luggage bag was finally full opened. Inside on the top was multiple sweaters that was to warm to wear during summer, even if it was for the name of fashion. His hands gingerly took the sweaters and moved it to the side, letting a small flat black cloth bag be exposed.
He grabbed the black bag and hugged it against his chest. It was barely bigger than his laptop bag yet held something much more secretive and valuable inside.
A few months ago, Seonghwa had been on Instagram when he noticed some ads popping out for some black clothes. Typically, he would have ignored the advertisement when he noticed one was a long black skirt with a long slit on the side. The skirt had mesh over the slip with a band of lace on the waistline and on the hip region.
His hands started moving without him knowing, and the next thing he knew the skirt was on its way to the dorm room.
After that it was only a matter of time when he noticed another skirt being placed on a mannequin at the small boutique. This time it was a color blocked pastel pink and blue pleated skirt with grommets on the side to let ribbons be threated through. When he had went inside the store to look at it closer, another skirt had caught his eye on the rack next to the color blocked one. The skirt was cream white with cut out panels that was replaced with lace paneling and light bead work.
Seonghwa had immediately bought both and shoved both skirts in a fabric bag before Hongjoong came back to their shared apartment. He knew Hongjoong hated secrets and he felt guilty every time he remembered what was inside the luggage bag.
But he couldn’t get himself to tell Hongjoong despite knowing the shorter male wouldn’t care and most likely be excited to see him expand his fashion. There was something that tugged him to stop opening his mouth every time he had some courage to tell.
Seonghwa quickly noticed a blush was starting to raise itself against his cheeks when Hongjoong was starting to invade his thoughts. He signed and shook his head as if he was telling himself to get back into the main mission. As he stared at the three skirts neatly folded inside the bag, his fingers brushed against the see-through mess fabric of the black skirt and decided to wear it.
As the skirt revealed itself, there were some small creases that Seonghwa wasn’t so happy about. However, with the lack of time and slight fear someone could come in any moment, he decided to steam the skirt another day, The male wanted to try it out while he had the chance.
The skirt was placed gently on the lower bunk bed. Seonghwa checked back in the closet to find clothes that matched the skirt.
“No…. No…. No…..” Seonghwa mumbled as he looked through the hangers. Finally, after looking at 15 different shirts, the male noticed the perfect top to go with his skirt. He hummed happily as he placed the top next to the skirt. It was a black suit like crop top piece with arms as see-through mesh with the wrists cinched. It was matter of seconds that Seonghwa found the perfect accessories to go with the outfit. A delicate necklace Hongjoong had gifted him for his birthday. It was a silver two-piece necklace with a pearl on the lower part. With the necklace was a matching bracelet and earring set.
He put the top on first and buttoned it up. It was a little loose, but it was better then being restrictively tight. The accessories were put on next. Finally, it was time to put on the skirt. The towel around him was taken off and placed on the bed.
Seonghwa could feel his skin shiver and an electric feeling passing down his spine. He had only tried the skirt on once when the package arrived but never had the chance to fully create an outfit nor see himself in the mirror with the skirts. Just like how he opened the luggage bag, the black-haired man slowly unzipped the side of the skirt and let his legs guide itself through the skirt.
In moments, the skirt was zipped up and he could feel the soft slip fabric brush against his legs. Without the leg hairs, like the last time he wore the same skirt, he could feel the skirt much better.
He took a shaky breath in and clenched his eyes closed. The feeling of the skirt was almost overwhelming. It was hugging him perfectly on his waist and hips and the edges of the skirt was nearly tickling his calves.
Just behind him was a full-sized mirror hanging against the closet door.
His heart was about to race a mile a minute.
Seonghwa was starting to feel afraid. In his mind multiple thoughts were racing and competing each other. ‘What if he looked hideous? He may have smaller waist in comparison to a male, but it didn’t match a woman’s’
What if-
What if Hongjoong thought he looked ridiculous with it. Hongjoong looked amazing with the half skirt during their Inception comeback. The blue short, pleated skirt matching perfectly with the dress shirt and hair. He had youthful energy with a dash of mischievous that made the skirt look like it was meant to be his and only his.
Seonghwa didn’t feel like he had the same energy and confidence. He felt his legs give out and landed on his bottom as a small whimper escaped his lips. Where was the confidence he had when he would lick his lips and roll his hips at once during the dances? He didn’t expect trying out a simple article of clothes would create so much turmoil inside him.
His mind was creating stories that wasn’t helping him one bit.
During his moment of self-doubt, Seonghwa didn’t hear the door open.
“Seonghwa?”
The man gasped and whipped his head around. His bright eyes widening as he locked gaze with Hongjoong who was hugging his bookbag.
“H-Hongjoong,” Seonghwa scrambled to cover the skirt with something, anything. But there was nothing around him, the towel was placed too far away. “Please don’t look! Just- pr-pretend that you see nothing!”
Hongjoong placed his bookbag down and walked closer to Seonghwa who seemed to want to be anywhere but there. He wished the ground would just open up and eat him up.
“Oh Hwa,” The ginger haired man gently sat down next to Seonghwa.
“God I must look like clown,” Seonghwa gasped as he put his head against his hands in order to cover his eyes that were forming tears. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t notice Hongjoong most likely calling out for any members in the dorm room.
“A clown?” The it clicked for Hongjoong, that Seonghwa hadn’t expected anyone to come home so early and was using this time to explore something new. “Hwa, you don’t look like a clown.”
“I look r-ridiculous! I sh-shouldn’t have put the skirt on!” The black-haired male nearly hiccupped a sob.
The ginger looked at Seonghwa and took a good look. The waist band fit perfectly around Seonghwa and despite the man sitting, Hongjoong could see it hugged his hips perfectly. The mesh fabric gave a skirt some flair and made it look scandalous despite covering most of the legs.
“Have you seen yourself?”
“No! How could I?”
Hongjoong tried his best to hold in the small snort that was forming.
“J-joong!”
“Seonghwa, starlight, you look amazing,” Hongjoong had no idea where that nickname came from, but he didn’t let it stubble his thoughts. He grabbed Seonghwa’s shoulders and directly look into the tearing eyes. As if Seonghwa was a delicate flower, the younger male gentle guided Seonghwa to turn his body around to look at the mirror.
“Look at yourself.” He whispered, “You, Park Seonghwa, look beautiful. You haven’t even seen yourself, yet you say you look ugly. But I don’t see ugly.”
Seonghwa saw the sitting figure on the mirror though slightly blurry because of the gathering tears in the corner of his eyes. The black skirt was following his natural soft curves of his legs and the long slit had let his leg peak through. With the lack of body hair, there was a crisp contrast between his leg and skirt.
“Starlight?”
“D…Do I really look….” Seonghwa trailed off as he shifted the skirt to see how the fabric moved.
“You look stunning,” Hongjoong smiled and held Seonghwa’s hand. He hoped Seonghwa wouldn’t notice the cheeks becoming pinker as he kept staring at the exposed leg. He slowly started to get up and hoped Seonghwa would follow suit. Indeed, Seonghwa understood what Hongjoong was trying to do and got up along side him. The bunched-up skirt flowed down and straightened.
Finally, Seonghwa was able to see himself in the mirror. His heart beating faster and faster as he also saw Hongjoong’s small smile and warm gaze at him. He never had that expression on him whenever he lied, usually his ears turned a dusty pink as he fumbled over some words.
“The skirt was meant to be on you Hwa,” The shorter male tugged on the waist lightly to see the space. “It’s perfectly fitted against your waist and makes your long legs even longer. Wish I could wear this type of skirt and look this devilish good!”
Seonghwa blinked and look at Hongjoong, not the mirrored him. “You look amazing in the half skirt though Joongie.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t a full ass skirt like this. Hwa, this is really, really, nice on you,” Seonghwa felt his mouth stretch a shy smile while his cheeks heated up.
“I… do huh,” The older male mumbled bashfully. “You… you don’t judge me?”
“Never! How could I! This means I get to see you in even more clothes! Do you have more skirts? I need to see you in them all!”
Seonghwa couldn’t help but to laugh as he had an odd feeling Hongjoong would say something like that. He knew deep inside Hongjoong wouldn’t judge him over the skirt but something equally deep inside was whispering fears that latched onto him. The heavy feeling against his chest slowly lightened up. It wasn’t completely gone but it wasn’t crushing him anymore.
He looked down at their hands that changed into their pinky fingers interlocked.
Seonghwa felt beautiful.