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There was something that all Hero Agencies dreaded, something that was never mentioned unless it was needed and then everyone would just forgot it happened, turning their head away, a smile fixed on their face. The Talk was a taboo hidden in the heroes heart, shrouded by shame and anger. No one knew who had named it but they still were grateful that people out of the loop thought it was just a sex talk given to new pro heroes, something that sounded like a reminder to be aware of their new position in society and to be thoughtful of how the journalists and the public would pounce on any scandal.
Funnily enough it was actually very close to the truth. Sadly it was only a cover and Aizawa would have preferred give a sex talk to his class instead of The Talk, the one that shouldn’t be needed until they had some years as pro heroes behind them and not half a year of high school. Technically this was not required of him, he could just ignore every red flags he had seen and let his students go through their life without ever having this discussion with them. But he remembered being in their position, needing help and receiving none. And this was his hell class. He had already failed them so many times… No, on this point he would not relent. People could stare at him, judge him and find him lacking all they wanted but he would not accept to fail his children, refused to let them go through more tragedies without all the help, all the support they needed, instead of hiding his shame away like all the others pro heroes had the tendency to do.
That would not make it easier. That would not take away his own shame, his fears and his pain. This would not relieve him of the weight on his shoulder, would not let him sleep more easily. But that was not the point. And this was what his colleagues didn’t understand, this whole mess had never been not about themselves, it was about the people they had the duty to help. You would think that as heroes they would understand that, right? But it was very different to save someone from a building on fire, from being mugged or even talking them away from the ledge of a building than to dedicate yourself to help someone by sharing your weaknesses with them. By being honest. And being a hero was the farthest thing from being honest you could find.
So today he would not come in front of his class as Eraserhead. Instead he would come in front of his children as Shouta.
He just hoped that for once he would be enough, that he could make a difference.
After taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door of the class and, using all the courage he could find in him, entered the room. The shocked silence suddenly ringing around him almost made him falter. At least, he mused internally, this time it took them less than a second to settle down. He closed the door and walked to his desk and, with a sigh, sat down on it.
“Ai… Aizawa-sensei?”
This was going to be harder than he expected. They all looked so young… And yet he could see the bags under their eyes, the tiredness in their moves, the paranoid looks they had on their face, the fury, the will to survive in their gaze, the desire to protect everything they cared about with all they had in every breath they took. Oh, this was going to be hell… But that was rather fitting, wasn’t it? Going through hell for his hell class. After all… He was a member of class 1-A too.
“Sensei?”
He smiled softly and the sharp intake of breath they all took would have been hilarious in any other sitting. But here, wearing only a white shirt, black sweat pants and an old pair of sneakers, his capture weapon tucked away in the sleeping bag he had left near his desk, Aizawa could only feel vulnerable.
“Today we will do something a bit different from usual. I cancelled your classes for the rest of the morning because today… I will need you to listen. I will need you to be not only be attentive but also to work on your compassion, your solidarity, your understanding, your humanity and kindness. I will not accept any form of antipathy or cruelty. No disgust, no revulsion, no discrimination.
I understand that this is going to be very emotional and I want you to know that your feelings are not only valid and acceptable but that everyone here will respect them. Will respect you.
I also understand that you will be confused, lost, scared. We will get out of everyone comfort zone today and it will not be easy.” He closed his eyes, took a calming breath, opened them again and smiled sadly. “It will not be easy either for you or for me. But I know you and, more importantly, I know that you trust each others, that you trust me and that I trust you in return. Honestly, that’s all I need to know to have this conversation with you.”
The tension in the room could only have been cut with one of the sharpest blade ever created with how thick it was. And yet…
lida didn’t hesitate more than a handful of seconds before answering softly. “We will listen.”
And he was clearly talking as the class representative, saying the words all of them had on their tongue. He swallowed with difficulty wondering once more what he did to deserve them. But now was not the time to think of this.
“Then… Let’s begin. Hello class, my name is Shouta and I’m here before you not as a pro hero but as someone who had been with you through all the events of the past six months, who have shared the same living space since we all moved in the dorms. As someone with experience with difficult fights, life and death situations, loss of a friend, guilt, shame, despair and trauma.”
If the silence had been thick before it was nothing compared to now. It was almost impressive. It was also making him more nervous and, since he couldn’t hide himself in his capture weapon, he was sure his children could see it.
“Normally you would only hear this after some years spent as a pro hero from a superior of your agency or an older hero mentoring you. But the League stole from you the chance to grow up as safe as possible. In all honesty I could have let you go without never saying a word of all of this. But you deserve better and I refuse to not give you what you need because I’m too ashamed to admit that I am, just like you, only human.”
If he had needed to be convinced that he was making the right choice, the hope and fear in the eyes of his class would have definitely be enough. As it was it only gave him another reason to smile at them and talk to them with his heart wide open to them.
Sometimes Aizawa stared at himself in the mirror and could only ask his reflection if he was a good person. But there were other times when he could only stare blankly at the nearest object and wonder if throwing away any notion of decency and goodness he had, to strangle someone would not be his best option. The only thing staying his hand was that it would give his class more problems and that was definitely not acceptable.
“Let’s see if I understood you correctly Vlad. My class, that I exempted from all their classes yesterday morning, including yours, because I needed to have a talk with them about their future, gave you this afternoon the exercises they should have gave you in the class I dispensed them from.
“Yes! I can understand not receiving them in the morning since they were with you, but they should have left them with me yesterday afternoon, not today! And all they could give me was some pitiful excuses.”
Don’t strangle your colleague for a reason this stupid Shouta, don’t strangle him, it will not help. Deep breath. You can do it.
His inner mantra didn’t help as much as he wanted but at least maybe he would be able to go through this conversation without screaming. Vlad couldn’t know that the talk he had with his class had wrecked them and they had needed some time to recuperate. It had been an honest mistake on both side since it seems his class hadn’t explained what happened probably out of shame. He would not blame them for this.
“They didn't even thought they did something wrong! When I request a work I expect to have it the day I say I wanted it, not at the next class. And what sort of excuse is “We are deeply sorry for the delay Sir, none of us were felling well yesterday and we didn’t thought the worksheet you gave us was urgent.”? What do they think, that the world will wait for them to feel better to threw work at them?”
Aizawa could only stare at his colleague with disbelief. He couldn’t have heard that properly.Not only did his children, probably Ida in their stead, honestly explained that they were not in a good place and that the work asked of them did not take precedence on their welfare but they had apologised properly. And did Vlad really asked if his class knew the sort of horror the world could throw at them unexpectedly? Did he forget why they had implemented the dorms in the first place?
“And then they had the audacity to ignore me when I scolded them. There’s even one of them who just put their head on their desk and fell asleep!”
Oh. This changed everything. He contained with all his might the smile wanting to appears on his face and, with the more deadpan voice he had, asked the only question who truly mattered. “And which one of them did this?” That they ignored the scolding was a step in the right direction, since they followed the advice he gave them, but one of his students had gone beyond that and he needed to know. “The one in the front with the frog quirk… Asui Tsuyu, I think?”
This time Shouta let his smile appears on his face and left his colleague without a word. He was honestly surprised that Asui had followed so soon his advice but she was courageous and honest enough with herself to actually go thought the flow so maybe he shouldn’t have been. In any case he had never been more proud of his problem children and, if tonight they would find all the ingredients they needed to make their favourites foods, then he would have absolutely no idea of how that could have happens.
And if he ended up cuddling with half of them in front of a documentary in the middle of the night because they couldn’t sleep, then it was no one business but their own.
“You need to remember that you won’t be able to save anyone if you don’t save yourself first. Protect yourself. You’re important. You matter. Let others talk about you all they want, only you can decide who you are and what matters for you. As heroes it is your duty to help others, yes, but it is also your prerogative to stand up for yourself. Explain yourself, apologise if needed, admit your errors and assume the consequences of your acts but never, ever, let someone else tell you that your work should take priority over your health.”
“… was in a closet! I don’t understand what’s going on with Shouta’s class anymore. It’s the seventh time one of his student ended up asleep in a weird place.”
Aizawa calmed his breath as much as he could, making it faint enough that is colleagues would not realise he was behind the couch tucked in his sleeping bag. Or, at least, that they thought he was still asleep. This conversation sounded very interesting after all, and it would be a shame if it stopped because of him.
It seemed to work for now since Nemuri continued in her rant. “Maybe it’s the dorms? They don’t feel comfortable and can’t sleep enough and now the lack of sleep is catching up? I just don’t understand, they seemed find a week ago but now they all look like hell swallowed them up and spit them out at our feet.” There was some shuffling before he heard Hizashi answer her with a pensive tone. “I may be wrong but a week ago Shouta talked to them during a whole morning and his class disappeared in their dorm during the afternoon because, and I quote, “We were not feeling well and were not in a good enough state to attend class”. The whole falling asleep everywhere seems to have began just after that.”
There were some movements, the sound of an opening bag, something falling on the ground and a soft curse. “Sadly it makes sense. But I… Hizashi, what the hell could he have told his class that would have shaken them up so much? He may be a bit too direct sometimes and lack some tact but he’s not cruel. He love this kids! And if he had hurt them by accident he would feel so bad that he would mope all over the place. Yes he looks even more tired than usual but he also looks… happier in a way. I… This is not making any sense.
“Maybe they’re trying to imitate him?” His friend voice was full of mirth and he tried very hard to not laugh out loud. Hizashi had always been more observant than anyone ever gave him the credit for. Oh if he knew how close to the truth he was! Not that he would tell them that, it would ruin all the fun.
“Not sleeping properly is not a problem if you can manage your sleep pattern. Let me be clear, if you can have a full night of sleep and feel better in the morning because of it I do not want you to throw it away because you think you can handle a bit less sleep than usual. But it’s also normal and fine if you can’t. It’s not the end of the world. But you will need some sleep, so if a full night is not something you can have or something that make you feel better, then cut your hours of sleep in cycles. 4 hours one time, 2 sometimes later, 3 at another moment. A nap of 30 minutes here, another one later… experiment and find what give you the more rest. Personally I know I’m at my best when I have 4 hours of sleep at night and then have one hour in the morning, two 30 minutes nap in the afternoon and two hour of sleep after dinner. That’s what works for me. Every single one of you is different and have different needs and that’s alright. You just need to find what work the best for you. It can change and evolves with time but as long it is what you need then let no one tell you that it’s wrong.
I know some of you will work in front of the media and will not have the opportunity to hide in the shadows like I did but make no mistake, the media and the public will judge you no matters what you do.
So, and I know this will not be easy, don’t listen to them. What they say doesn’t define you. If having weird habits is what you need to be able to feel well and they judge you for it, then so be it.
Even better, you can make it yours. A part of your image as a hero, your own brand of heroism if you will.
Be proud of who you are. And, if it means anything to you, know that I’m already proud of you.”
The past few weeks had been hectic to say the least, not that he had any regret. On the contrary Shouta could admit easily that he would defend every single choices he had took during the past month, head high and a proud smile on his face.
His hellions had surpassed every single expectations he had and for every challenge he gave them, they threw one at him in return. He hadn’t learned so fast and had so much fun in ages.
It had not been easy though. Far from it. The biggest challenge they had to overcome had been to ask for help and accept it in return. It would still take them years to really learn that lesson but that was alright. They needed time and he was here to give it to them.
Today that meant lying through his teeth with a straight face to the new number one hero.
Todoroki, his problem child not the huge trash can on fire that stood in front of him, hadn’t exactly come to him to explain that he didn’t want to go home… But he did say it to Ida while he had been tucked in the couch of the common room and they all knew he was never sleeping before dinner.
Progress was progress and he would take what they felt ready to give him. And if he was overdoing it by making sure Enji could not even contact his son unless of an emergency, it’s not like anyone needed to know.
A movement in the corner of his eyes made him sight internally. Correction, no one needed to know with the exception of his problem children spying and ready to gossip with the rest of the class about their homeroom teacher lying with no shame whatsoever to the number one hero.
“Shoto need to be home this week-end and that’s final Aizawa. I don’t care about this project thing, he can always do it later, but he will spend his week-end with his family.”
Shouta could admit that he probably should chose the safest option. Tons of paperworks and Nedzu looming ominously while you have to fill all of it made stronger men that Enji break. But Shouto was his, he was the one he trusted to protect him, the one he needed right now and the sharp intake of breath near them told him everything he needed to know about what his other children thought of the situation.
The safest option would do the job but it was not good enough.
“You’re right. Shoto will be home and with his family this week-end…
“Ah! I knew you would understand!
“At the dorms. In UA.”
If looks could kill, he would already be six feet under or just ashes scattered into the wind.
“What. Did. You. Say.” Oh dear, time to dig his own grave even further it seems. “I know that Shoto sister and brother won’t be at your house this week-end, they send him a message. So, since his siblings will not be there, he will spend his week-end with the family he created among his friends, here, at UA, in the home he build with them. Not at your house, with the man who fathered him and still can’t appreciate him for who he is. If you want to see him again, you can go and call Nedzu. I’m sure he will explain to you with great pleasure why he agreed with me about you not being allowed to be with Shoto alone. If you want the short version it was about what you call “training” and Recovery Girl being unhappy about all the news burns she had to heal after the last week-end he spent with you.”
Maybe using his most sarcastic voice was a bit too much but at this point he really was out of fuck to give. Enji was not the one who had to spend twenty minutes getting his kid out of a panic attack because Sero had tripped and splashed some drops of boiling water on his arm.
“So now do us all a favour and Let. My. Kids. Alone.”
Leaving a spluttering ball of rage and fire behind him, Shouta tried his best to keep a blank face but seeing Ashido feet behind a bush, hearing what sounded like Hagakure stifled laugh up in a tree and perceiving some poorly hidden animals who clearly had some sort of camera around their neck, was making it very hard.
“You will feel alone, abandoned, scared, drowning in pain and despair. All the things we had to go through were unfair and none of us deserved it. Be it before UA or since the beginning of the year, none of us deserved all the shit that happened to us.
It doesn’t mean that your feelings about it aren’t valid. It only means that the problems you had, have and will have is only a part of your story and they are not who you are.
What you feel about it though? It’s a part of you that deserve to be listened to, as much as all the nicest emotions and feeling you have. All of you deserves to be heard, to be accepted, to be loved.
No matters what you have lived through. No matters what you will have to go through.
At this point our class… We’re not the same. Not after we lived though hell together. Not after we had to live with the consequences of what happened together.
If the dorms hadn’t be created we could have continued like before and I would never mentioned all of this. And even if I did, I would never had made it so personal. But the dorms were made. And living together gave us something we never though we would find. Unconditional support. It will takes times to fully trust each other, to fully let us be ourselves in front of the others, to know and believe that we will have each others back no matter what. And it’s alright. It will takes time and that’s perfectly fine. We have time.
I want you to remember that. To trust me on that. You will have time to heal and grow up knowing you have a safe space to do so, because I will be there to make damn sure it happens.”
Shouta could probably admit, under duress and if he had no other choice left, that using Midoriya’s analysis to bribe the principal was not his finest moment, even if the idea had come from his problem child. Yet, he could not regret it. Maybe he had some some shivers every time someone talked about the tea time his kid had with the principal but even that meant nothing every time he saw the kid come back with a big smile on his face. That and the renovation the dorms had gone through really helped. So what if his problem child was getting more terrifying every day? Good on him, he would create a revolution with just a smile and Shouta would be right behind him without any hesitation.
But truly the new dorms 1-A had really were worth bribing the principal. The new furnitures, appliances and food store were top notch. His apartment and his new office being a part of 1-A dorms instead of with the other teachers was a nice touch too. And what if his office had been transformed in a library for his students? More reading would not hurt them. The fish tank in it the students had to take care of? It was nice of him to give them responsibilities.
Of course it wasn’t his fault that his cats were very intelligent and could sneak out of his apartment into the rest of the dorms. Maybe he had adopted three more than he had before the summer and they were always in the common room but it’s not like anyone knew that.
The cats things spread over the common room? It was just to make sure the poor animals didn’t suffer if they were locked out of his rooms. Obviously.
So maybe having a different curfew than the rest of the school was not ideal, but since his kids were only getting better after he changed the rule, he didn’t see were the problem was.
Maybe working with them on the budget they were given, to teach them how to manage it efficiently was not necessary. Perhaps buying cooking books and leaving them near the kitchen so anyone could try one at every hours of the day if they needed to wind down, buying video games and movies for the TV they had for the evening they shared, and bartering for some plants to embellish their common space was not exactly a necessity.
But Shouta was pragmatic and, more importantly, he knew his kids. It was not necessary for him to do all of this and yet it changed them and helped them feel more at home, feel safe enough to be themselves and to be children.
Yes they still had to live through villains attacks, hero work studies, beating some abusive Yakuzas, adopting a little girl, writing and performing a song for the festival… But they did it together.
More than that, they were other people joining them. First had been Hizashi who had appeared from nowhere one day and never left. Always ready to share a quiet moment with the people who needed it when he took off his hearing aids or to teach JSL if someone asked. Singing freely while cleaning, or tumbling on the carpet with the cats or cuddling the kids who needed it. Just being here, offering advice or a shoulder to cry on when Shouta could not be there.
His class was not being very sneaky by trying to get the two of them together though. Should he tell them that he had already asked Hizashi to marry him just after the USJ? Oh well, they probably would figure it out by themselves.
Then there was Shinso of course.Poor kid had dared say in front of Izuku of all people that he was not here to have friends. Joke on him he was all but officially a part of 1-A and stuck with them for the rest of his days. Not that he seems to regret it since Shouta had never seen him so happy since they first met.
All Might… Or more exactly Yagi Toshinori had become the weird uncle that came and goes leaving gifts and smile behind him. Always ready to help and with no sense of shame, ready for everything but awkward when people included him in their little bubble of love.
Eri, or course. His daughter. The little sister of 1-A. Her soft smile making the room she was in shine brighter than ever before.
Mirio, the big brother his class had never known they needed but had accepted without any reservation as they had accepted Nejire and Tamaki who were common guest nowadays.
And all of this? All of this just because he took a bet one day and won the jackpot because of it.
“Do you know why I am here before you, not as a pro-hero, but as your equal? Because I want you to understand a lesson that no one else will ever give you out of shame.
Admitting that you need help and accepting it when someone give it to you is not something you should be ashamed of. And yet, if you had to ask any pro heroes what their point of view on this is, they would tell you that maybe you need it since you’re still young and weak but them? No, of course not. The trauma they lived through didn’t affect them for long, they’re healed and are absolutely fine.
Most of them are lying through their teeth and are just hiding everything behind strong walls. But there will always come one day where that wall will break and those hero break with it.
And this? This is the last thing I want for you. I want you to be happy. To be free. To be able to live the life you want. I want you to have strong foundations that will last all your life and make you healthy and level-headed adults.
Today I’m here before you as Shouta. As a man who still have to live through insomnia and depression on a regular basis among other things. But I’m also here as an adult who can admit that I’m not perfect and need help. And I have friends and people who care about me to help me through it.
Today I want you to know that I am giving you the same opportunity, to have someone who will be here for you and not judge you no matters what.
You need to scream? Tell me and I will give you the space for it.
You need to eat at any points in the day? I will make sure you will have food.
You need space? You’ll have it.
You need help with your school works? I’ll help you with it.
You need someone to be just here? I’ll stand by your side.
You need protection? I’ll make damn sure you will be safe.
You need sleep? Take all the naps you want.
I’m serious. All the naps. If that means you will take care of yourselves, that you will stop looking dead on your feet or so stressed that you almost pass out when I ask you a question then, yes, take all the naps you want.
And all of this? I needed it or still need it. Now I only have one question for you. Do you think I’m a lesser man for it?
-No!
-Then neither are you. For now, I want you to think about everything I said to you and to knows that I am here for you if you need it. Thank you for listening to me.
Class dismissed.”