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-January -
Gulf Kanawut never thought he would be responsible for another human being with the age of 23.
His was happy that, so far, he had no major crises with Hazard, his trusty and fluffy little feline companion.
He looked down on the tear stricken face of Prim, his 4 year old godchild. She had so much of Mild, that he felt his eyes moisten up again, as they have been doing numerous times during the last two weeks.
————
He remembered when he got the call that would change his life completely, in just a span of a minute.
Gulf was just getting ready to paint the final main sketch for the next upcoming children’s book when his mobile rang.
“Strange”, Gulf thought to himself as he looked down at his watch. “Who would call at 1 am on a Monday night?” he mumbled as he picked up his phone, which displayed an unknown number.
”Hello”, Gulf cautiously answered.
”I am sorry for the late interruption but am I speaking to Gulf Kanawut?”, a professionally sounding female voice asked him.
”Yes, what can I do for you?”, Gulf felt his heartbeat quicken.
”I am sorry to inform you Sir, there has been an accident and we found your contact information in Mr. Suttinut’s personal things. Is there any possibility you could come to Bangkok Hospital?” the female voice asked seriously.
Gulf felt his heart constricting. “I will be there in 45 minutes if traffic is not too bad”, he chocked out.
”Thank you sir…”
————
To say that the last two weeks have been challenging would be like saying the Pacific Ocean is like a little pond.
Ever since Gulf arrived, sweating and with a stomach full of stones, at Bangkok Hospital in the middle of a January Monday night, he felt like he was walking as he was stuck in a big bubble. A bubble where he still hoped one could just made it pop and everything would be like it has been before.
”Drunk driver”, the doctor said. “Dead by impact”, he continued. “I am very sorry for your loss Mr. Kanawut. It must be all hard to understand however Child service is here since you are the appointed guardian to Mr. Suttinut‘s daughter.
Gulf listened in shock.
Ever since Prim was born, a perfect result out of a non perfect drunken one night stand during university, it has been Mild, Gulf and Prim against the world.
Mild was the best father the young girl could ask for. Loving, funny and with so much to give. How can his best friend since childhood suddenly be gone? No more Mild nagging him about finding someone, when Gulf always answered, “Why should I? You and Prim will be the source for all my grey hair as well as laughing lines around my eyes.”
No more laughing about Mild’s funny faces he would do, to try to force either Gulf or Prim to let go of whatever grey cloud was hanging above their heads.
No more football games, where the main aim was not achieving a goal, but to make Prim, and themselves, laying in a giggling, sprawling mess on the floor, howling about never happening penalties and which ice cream flavour they should try that day.
No more Mild. And with this thought, Gulf let his tears fall and desperation bleed into his whole existence.
-February-
Life, as bleak as it looked, had to go on. Not really had to, it just, surprisingly and yet not, did.
Gulf looked at the sleeping form of Prim, as she laid snuggled up against his torso, with her left leg sticking out of the confines of her forever favourite baby blue blanket. Hazard was curled up on her shoulder, a warm grounding weight in her uprooted world.
He tucked her leg under the blanket and thought back about the last month he experienced.
————
Prim had been quiet, barely muttering a word, seemingly forgotten how to smile. Hazard was the only thing who could, occasionally, get her to lift the edges of her mouth from the downcast line it seemed to be permanently stuck in, into a semblance of a smile.
Prim now lived in his apartment. Moving her things and saying goodbye to her old room was one of the hardest things Gulf had done so far and he had to do a lot of hard things the last month he never, not even in his worst nightmares, thought he had to do.
————
Mild’s funeral was held on a grey day early in February and even the sky cried in big cold drops of rain.
Seeing Prim kneeling in front of her dad’s casket, praying that Mild has to be the dad in every life she has yet to live, almost broke Gulf.
His little goddaughter was so strong with her four years old, so much stronger than he was.
As she lowered her body for the last time in front of the casket to pay respect to the deceased Gulf heard her letting out a pained sob.
He pressed her trembling little body to his and not for the first time asked the gods how they could take Mild away from Prim, away from him.
————
Brought back into present he smoothed back the hair on Prim’s forehead and went back to the list he was compiling in front of him.
The tragedy as well as moving and getting her somewhat settled, Gulf took Prim out of preschool. Getting used to the new situation as well as grieving, he could not imagine what went through the little girl’s mind. Besides not really smiling he was glad that she ate somewhat normally and was, to an extant, engaged with her surroundings.
Nevertheless the Child Service worker recommended strongly, that Prim should start getting back to school. “To get her used to her new normality”, she said. “Which new normality”, grumbled Gulf under his breath. His poor goddaughter had to face the world without any parent now. “No, don’t go there Gulf”, he thought to himself. If he was not strong for the little innocent soul, who else could it be.
————
“We recommend having Prim back in school early in March for the start of the new term”, Mrs. Suri, the headmistress of Prim’s school told Gulf, as he sat in front of her staring at the brightly coloured picture behind her head.
”Having children her age around as well as the known routine will help her getting back after the traumatic incident. I understand you work mainly from home Mr. Kanawut?” she looked at him with understanding eyes.
”I know it must be all very overwhelming for you too, but trust me, an orderly routine will help both of you. I will put her in teacher Mew Suppasit’s class. He has experience with children who suffered such a loss. Try not to worry too much and take one step at the time. Here is his number and mine as well. If you have any questions feel free to contract either of us.”
”Thank you”, whispered Gulf. He had to get himself together. For Prim, for Mild. He owned it to his best friend.
-March-
“Phi Gulf, do you think my new teacher will like me?” little Prim asked an in front of her kneeling Gulf, who was tying her shoelaces.
Gulf looked up and tried to smile “Of course butterfly. Who would not love my sweet little munchkin?” Gulf made sure to check if they had everything they needed for the new school term.
”Won’t Hazard be lonely? Wouldn’t it be better if we both stayed at home?” she asked Gulf with big pleading eyes.
”Butterfly, aren’t you excited to make new friends? A new teacher too? You will have an amazing time, just wait and see. And when you come home, Hazard will want all the belly rubs” Gulf tried to not only convince Prim, but himself too.
”Let’s go butterfly”, he said and together they made their way to school.
————
After looking around like a headless chicken Prim and Gulf finally found the right room.
“Welcome, please let your children put away their backpacks and shoes and point them to the big mat in the center”Gulf heard a warm sounding voice through the open door.
Gulf, with Prim in tow, entered the room just to stop in his tracks. A very handsome man conversed with a group of small children. He looked up and their eyes meet.
“Holy hell what a god in form of his goddaughter apparent kindergarten teacher” Gulf thought to himself.
The handsome man said something to the children, then made his way over Gulf and Prim.
He smiled and it was like the sun broke free after a particularly long storm.
”Hello, you must be Prim and Gulf, I can call you Gulf right?” the dashing man asked them.
Gulf’s mouth opened and he stared.
“Phi Gulf” whispered Prim “you are staring.” A rare giggle was heard from around Gulf’s mid thigh.
“Oh right, act like a functional human being” Gulf chided himself.
”Yes, this is my goddaughter Prim and Gulf is totally fine.” Gulf and Prim waiied towards the teacher.
”A pleasure to meet you. Prim, my name is Mew. How about you put your things away in the corner over there and say goodbye to your godfather. We will start shortly.” Mew smiled warmly at her. Prim looked up to Gulf and he gave her, as he hoped, an encouraging nod.
Prim threw her little arms around his knees and Gulf gently pried them away as he folded himself down and embraced her tightly in his arms. “You will be fine Prim, I promise. Try to have fun okay? I will pick you up and we can give Hazard some treats deal?” Gulf did not want to leave Prim but he knew he had to.
Prim gave him a shaky nod and went to put her things away.
”I know it must be hard Gulf, but I promise I will watch over her. And if there are any problems the school will call. I know you know my name already but let me introduce myself properly, my name is Mew, Mew Suppasit.”
—————
It has already been almost a month since Prim went back to preschool and it went, all things considering, well. Prim liked her new friends well enough and especially Mew animated her to talk and even smile more.
Mew and himself had been in contact through Line several times. Mew would have update Gulf about any possible problems or success they encountered.
Life was not necessarily better, but it looked a bit brighter.
-April-
Prim looked sadly at the pile of earth.
Mew, who was looking for the little girl, found her sitting in front of the unused flowerbeds on the compounds of the preschool.
”Prim, what are you doing here?” Mew sat down next to her. After teaching her for a month, he could say that this little girl had a special place in his heart.
“I wanted to look at the flowers I planted for my daddy”, she said.
”Prim, what do you mean, what flowers?” Mew asked confused.
”When I moved to Phi Gulf a took some of my daddy’s flower seeds and planted them here”.
”Oh sweetheart but..”
”Do not call me sweetheart”, Prim shouted out of nowhere. Mew was taken aback, especially as big tears appeared in her expressive eyes and sobs trembled through her little body.
He cautiously took her softly into his arms. “I am sorry Prim, I will not do it again”’ he soothed her.
”My, my daddy used to call me that” Prim cried and cried and cried.
Mew closed his eyes. So far she was surprisingly emotionally stable during the last month. Mew patted her back.
“I am so sorry Prim, I will not do it again.” Mew promised.
After a while Mew could hear a little mumble. ”You can call me butterfly if you want to, this is what Phi Gulf calls me sometimes.”
Mew let out his breath and a relieved smile.
When Prim had calmed down enough she turned to the flowerbed.
“Prim, I am sorry but the flowers will not bloom. It is winter and flowers need the sun.”
“So my flower does not bloom because it is missing the sun?” Prim asked with a downturned mouth.
“Yes”, Mew answered. It is missing the sun. But we can try again in summer, when the sun is stronger to help your flowers to bloom, deal Prim?” Mew held out his pinky finger.
”Deal”, Prim said as he interlinked her pinky finger with Mew’s.
-May-
“Chicken? Check. Lemongrass? Check. What else do we need to do Tom Kha butterfly?” Gulf asked a concentrated looking Prim as they walked through the supermarket aisles in the hunt of ingredients for their dinner.
”Mushrooms Phi Gulf”, Prim pointed in the direction of the vegetable aisle. “I will fetch them” she said as she started to run towards them.
”Don’t run” but is was already too late. Prim collided with a familiar looking figure.
”Oh, P’Mew, I am so sorry. Prim, I told you no running.” Gulf sternly said.
”Sorry Phi Mew, sorry Phi Gulf”, the little girl waiied at both of them.
“No problem but listen to Phi Gulf Prim, running without looking might be dangerous” Mew gently yet with authority said.
”Okay” Prim answered and turned herself to Gulf, looking at him like she was waiting for him to do something.
Gulf looked at her, the silence stretching a bit into an awkward one.
“Uhm” Gulf started “Can we make it up to you Phi Mew? Come to diner with us, we attempt to cook.” Gulf looked into Mew’s eyes.
Prim nodded so fast, that her two pigtails flew up and down. ”Yes Phi Mew, please come! You can finally meet Hazard.”
Well what could Mew say.
————
“I don’t know Phi Gulf, when my daddy cooked it, it just tasted better.” Prim said as she slurped her Tom Kha.
”For all that matters, I find it really good”’ Mew all but rubbed his full belly, nervously eyeing Hazard who observed him with narrows eyes ever since he step into the cosy little home.
”Aow, I totally forgot!” Gulf punched his leg. Mild used to add a “secret ingredient” he said.
”Well what was it?” Mew asked.
”Alai wa phi? If I knew, it would not be a secret.” Gulf tsked.
Prim giggled. “Daddy always said it will Phi Gulf’s wedding present.”
”What?” Gulf exclaimed. “Then I will never know then”, Gulf shoulders slumped.
”I would volunteer Phi Gulf, Mew said under his breath.”
Gulf blushed.
-May-
“What flowers does Prim want to plant?” Mew asked one sunny day in May.
“Mmmmm, I want to plant Primroses. My daddy named me after them.” Prim happily played with the earth.
”What a great idea butterfly”, Mew exclaimed.
”And what flowers wants Phi Mew to plant?” Prim looks with her big eyes at him.
”What should I do?” Mew mused.
“I will plant flowers for daddy so you have to plant some for Phi Gulf. He should not feel left out, right?”
”Maybe some catnip. We can use it for both, your godfather and Hazard.” Both chucked.
”You have to plant something meaningful Phi Mew.” Prim earnestly told Mew.
”I think I have an idea…” Mew smiled to the little girl.
-June-
It was time for Prim’s first birthday without Mild. Gulf was both proud of how his new little family has mastered the last two months as well as sad that already so much time has past with Mild missing from their life.
”Phi Gulf, do you think the balloons will survive the great almighty Hazard?” Mew asked with a handful of party decorations.
In the short time they knew Mew, he became a pillar for them both. Prim was always happy, when Mew spend time with them an top of seeing him in preschool.
“I am sure Nong Mew, Hazard is busy with the new toy you bought him, again.” Gulf side eyes the older man.
”Phi Gulf don’t be cruel, I always buy Chopper new stuff. I don’t want Hazard to feel left out.”
Gulf raised an eyebrow, “Hazard does not even know Chopper exists.”
“Psst Gulf, a cat knows.”
————
The party was a great success and after all little children and their sugar rush went home, Prim and Mew snuggled on the couch, observing Gulf puttering around. Occasionally the younger man would threw glances at the duo.
”Phi Mew?” A tired but happy looking Prim beckoned Mew closer with her little hand.
“What is it butterfly?” Mew asked.
”I think Phi Gulf likes you”, she whispered.
Mew’s eyes followed Gulf as he was busy cleaning up the condo.
“Well, I like him too and Prim and Hazard, but we will not tell him that.” Mew smiled.
”No Phi Mew, I mean like like you. He always blushes when you look at him.”
Mew’s eyes grew wide.
-July-
“You are not my dad, I hate you! I want my daddy back. Just go away!”
-August-
Gulf felt tired. He had no idea how single parents did it. He was luckily enough to work mostly from home but deadlines piled up, Prim was a little angel one day and the devil in disguise the other. He felt like he was on a rollercoaster with her mood swings, and she was only five! He so dreaded her puberty. If he survived until then.
”Nong, what has you frowning like this?” A sudden voice startled Gulf out of his day dreams.
“Phi Mew, was are you doing here? Oh, excuse my manners, hello.” Gulf waiied towards the beautiful lady next to Mew. He felt his heart clench, of course Mew had someone pretty.
”Gulf, I thought you said you were busy when I asked you about your weekend.” Mew pouted, which made him look extra adorable.
“Aow, I am here with Prim, she needs new clothes. She has been growing like a weed. But I am hopeless with little girl stuff. I buy whatever is on offer in like every colour. The only money I spend is on my football gear, that actually collects dust since I do not even use it.” Gulf blushed, he did not want to bore Mew and his pretty companion with his word vomit.
Before Mew could react the pretty women spoke up.
”Ohhhhh, so you are Nong Gulf. I heard sooooooo much about you.”
Mew was obviously panicking next to her.
“Jom, shut up.”
”Phi Mew”, Gulf exclaimed with widened eyes. “No such language for your gir-…”
”Sister”, the pretty girl interrupted. “This big oaf here is my older brother. I am Jomkwan” she introduced herself. “Since my brother apparently lost his 2 remaining brain cells” she muttered.
Gulf’s surprised face morphed into a bright smile. “Hello Phi Jom, it is so nice to meet you.”
Little feet were getting closer.
”Woah, you are so pretty. I love your shirt” Prim looked at the newcomer with wonder.
Gulf and Mew turned towards Jom.
”Well thank you little lady. What do you think, should we ditch your Phi Gulf and my big brother Mew to look for some pretty clothes?” The little girl nodded enthusiastically.
Gulf’s thankful eyes met the warm one of Mew.
————
Not only did P’Mew’s little sister saved the day, on top of that Prim and Gulf found themselves invited to the house of Mew’s parents.
Both of their eyes grew wide as they exited the car. That was not a house, it was a mansion.
————
Mew’s parents, as it came to no surprise to anyone, absolutely adored both Prim and her godfather. As his mom tried to feed more rice to Gulf, Mew found Prim petting Chopper.
“He looks fluffier that he is right?” Mew say next to Prim on the ground.
”He is Phi Mew.” the petting continued.
“But is he cuter than Hazard?” Mew smiled down at her.
Big eyes pleadingly stared up to him.
”Don’t tell Hazard, pretty please?”
”Your secret is safe with me butterfly.”
Both shared a secret smile.
-September-
“You think daddy and Phi Gulf will like it?”
“They will love it, I am sure.”
-October-
“What have the two of you planed?” A sceptical looking Gulf asked Mew and Prim as they blindfolded him and drove him to who knows where.
It was a glorious sunny Saturday in October. Mew, Gulf and Prim ate at a tasty food stall, where the aunties always would give them extra treats, since they “were such a cute family”.
All through the meal Gulf noticed the stares and secret smiles Prim and Mew shared. He pouted as he chewed on his crispy pork.
”Butterfly, why does Phi Gulf pout like this, is he maybe not hungry and wants to share his crispy pork.
“Oi”, Gulf protectively wrapped her arms around his bowl. “There are things one does not share, not even with family.” After realising what he said, a deep blush spread across the younger man’s cheeks.
Prim gave Mew a knowing look.
————
“Seriously, what have you two planned? Wow, if you have to blindfold me, please make sure I do not break a leg.” Gulf pleaded.
“Just a little more papa.”
————
The first time Prim called Gulf papa, Gulf went to the bathroom and cried. He could not help it. It should be Mild in his place to see his daughter grow up not Gulf, who did not even could braid pigtails, no matter how often Jom showed him.
He loved the little girl more than his life, so his heart actually skipped a happy beat, but at the same time he felt like an imposter.
Mew knocked at the bathroom door and came in. As he saw Gulf crying he pulled him into his arms.
“Shhhh, she will always have her daddy, and he will always have the big part in her heart. But you know what the amazing thing about a heart is, it has so much space to love. And you tuaeng, deserve to be in a lot of hearts.”
Gulf smiled while tears streamed down her face.
—————
“Now Phi Gulf, Prim and I have been working on a little project for a while”Mew said as they stoped on a somewhat uneven ground.
”Yes Papa, I hope you and daddy in heaven will like it”, Prim piped up on his other side.
As Mew removed the blindfold, Gulf found himself facing a flowerbed full of pretty primroses and gorgeous sunflowers. He blinked and blinked a bit more.
Prim was looking at him with moist eyes.
”Do you think daddy likes it?”
“Oh Prim, he will be so happy to see his favourite primrose standing next to so many other beautiful primroses.”
Prim happily yet at the same time a bit sad smiled, showing of her new tooth gap. She focused behind him “Papa, it is not only my present to daddy. It is also from P’Mew. Turn around.”
As Gulf turned around Mew came closer, carrying a beautiful sunflower in his hand.
“Prim asked me a while ago what flowers I would plant for you. The answer was easy” Mew said as he looked down the sunflowers in his hands.
”Even if the sun is not visible and your head is downturned, as soon as there is just one ray, you stand tall, proud and strong. So, obviously, here you are. I hope you like your gift. A sunflower to my sunflower.”
Gulf choked away some tears.
”Papa”, a small voice called him, “now it is time to kiss.”
And kiss they did.
-November-
“Are you sure you looked the door?” A breathless Gulf asked, as Mew pulled his shirt over his head.
Mew let out a chuckle as he kissed down from Gulf’s lips to his neck. “Of course I have tuaeng. As much as I love Prim, I want to ravish my sunflower in peace.” He grinned down handsomely at Gulf.
Who raised on dark eyebrow. “Aodi, Phi, lets’s go”. As he pulled Mew up for some more kisses.
-December-
One year has passed since one late phone call changed Gulf’s life forever.
He was sitting on the couch, looking over when he heard manic giggling.
Mew and Prim tried to tie tinsel around a grumpy looking Hazard, yet the furry feline stood still as Mew added a little Christmas hat to his little head.
Gulf snorted, he had to admit, Hazard looked adorable.
“Papa, come join. Phi Mew said we have to be quick with the family Christmas pictures before Hazard murders his hat.” Prim waved him over while Mew smiled softly at him.
Well, who was Gulf not to join his little family.
————
Life certainly goes into unexpected directions and if he could choose, of course he would want Mild back.
However since it was not possible Gulf was happy to have his little butterfly. He could not wait to stand by her side and see her spread her wings.
Mild, he felt in the wind. Always around them, sometimes not noticeable and sometimes as present as a storm. It gave him comfort.
And, last but certainly not least, his own personal sun, Mew. Who gave him warmth, the power to grow and always could make his smile bloom, like a sunflower facing the sun.
————
One year later Gulf finally learned the secret ingredient.
————
The End.