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Richie hadn’t meant for it to happen, okay. He was just getting sick and tired of his own reflection, and hating the uncomfortableness of being intimate with Eddie - who was so much better than he was in every way. And he can’t help but think that he’s a let down for Eddie. That some day all of this will disappear and Eddie will be thousands of miles away in New York, not a single thought of Richie running through his head.
Or maybe- an other part whispers- they’ll be back down under Neibolt, Eddie cold and dead in his arms and the rest of the world crumbling down with him.
And Richie knows that his mental space isn’t the best right now, no one’s is after the shit they went through. In fact, after everything had went down, each of them had gone to get some help from a therapist. Stan was the only one to already be seeing a therapist, and the others were relieved that he got the help he needed after his attempt. Some needed it more than others; Beverly and Eddie had gone through abuse for most of their lives, and Mike had been harbouring the burden of that summer for years now- held in isolation in their own personal version of hell (Derry, Maine). Richie and Eddie had both been seeing their respective therapists a month after Eddie moved in and upturned Richie’s life for the better. And after Eddie’s diagnosis of anxiety and ptsd, they’d been doing a lot better, open communication and all that jazz. Richie had even quietly admitted his own diagnosis, and did his best not to play it off and back track- not that making light of depression was anything he wasn’t well acquainted with since he recognised the emotions at the ripe age of 16. That night, they held each other close and tight, an unsaid promise to grow up and evolve together lingering in the air.
Richie didn’t know if he could communicate this though. This was strictly a personal problem, one he was sure he could fix with some exercise and dieting. And look, he knew his body wasn’t the most attractive thing on earth, but eddie loved it, and that was enough for him.
So he decided that it wasn’t that bad to do some running. He accompanied Eddie one morning, and quickly realised how out of shape he was. In the end he sat upside down on a park bench, watching the sun rise, or from his perspective, sink into the sky as he waited for Eddie to complete his track. When they returned home, Eddie made himself a very very very green smoothie, which Richie was disgusted by until Eddie shut him up with a very sweet-tasting kiss and began stretching out his limbs “to cool down. God richie this is how people tear ligaments”
Richie wasn’t so sure about that, but he wasn’t about to argue as he watched the muscles in Eddie’s back work under his skin. And then-
“Maybe I should have dated Ben, then maybe I could have had a partner keep up on me.” Eddie jabbed.
“Okay first of all, don’t steal my bit about having the hots for Ben, and second, I would love to see you both stretching out in my living room so please feel free to invite him next time.”
“Oh, the athletic dates we could have had-“ He lamented.
“Yeah yeah, miss me with that woe is me bullshit, go take a shower you stinky man.” Richie could feel something wrong stir in his stomach.
“I think I can count on you to always be stinkier than me.” Eddie bit back.
“That’s a Tozier guarantee.” With one more playful nudge, eddie leaves the room to take a shower and richie sinks onto the sofa. Maybe exercise was off the table for now. He should build up to it anyways, he heard somewhere that diet is way more important than exercise.
So diet then. He takes a swig of the eddie’s smoothie and is surprised when he doesn’t gag. That’s a good sign, he supposes, but also enough trying new shit for the day. He had a meeting later anyways, and more than enough time to crash Eddie’s shower and also give himself a good wash before heading out.
In the shower they don’t actually do anything. Eddie sighs, and lets richie massage soap into his body whilst explaining why richie should get a different shampoo because his has sulphates. Richie can’t stop feeling fond and ends up getting too occupied with pressing kisses into the nape of Eddie’s neck and rubbing suds into his shoulders to notice eddie trail off.
He does notice when he turns around and presses a kiss into Richie’s collarbone and gives him a curious expression.
“Okay, you’re acting weird. You came running with me today, even though you obviously hate it and you haven’t once tried anything below waist, and you haven’t said a single thing since hopping in with me. What’s up.”
Richie blanches at that, he forgot how easy eddie can read his face. He shakes his head lightly and smiles. “Nothing. I just love you. I wanted to try getting closer to you. I don’t want to miss out on anything else with you.”
Richie supposes his answer is genuine enough for eddie to buy it judging by how his expression melts. And his answer was a half truth, but he’s suddenly feeling guilty for deceiving eddie about his more selfish motivations. Eddie seems to catch his slightly sadder expression, and pulls him into a hug.
“We have the rest of our lives for that, rich. And you don’t need to try impressing me like that, I like you for you, if we had the same interests things would be way more boring. You don’t have to try to be something else for me to enjoy you’re company.”
“Thanks.” Richie whispers. He can feel his lower stomach touch eddie, and he knows if he tenses then eddie will feel it, but richie is starting to feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable naked in the shower with eddie. He only panics a little when eddie pulls back, but then eddie is kissing him and turning off the shower, and they Stumble out of the bathroom still lip-locked and fall onto the bed.
Richie is out of the house and running lines with his new co-writer 3 hours and another shower later.