Work Text:
Oh, my god
Childe had been in the middle of one of his scheduled life streams when he got a text from his beloved zhongli. He had been in a lobby with friends at the time and someone had left to piss real quick, so this gave him a chance to check his phone. Expecting something along the lines of "It appears I have forgetten my wallet in my dorm and I dound some top quality Jade pieces, is it alright if i barrow some mora? I will pay you back" something childe has recieved quite often, had zhongli ever payed him back? No. Did childe really mind? Of course not. Childe was literally the face of twitch, he was not desperate for money.
But what he didn't expect was a picture of Zhongli, which doesn't seem bad, not at all the dude is gorgeous--
It was the fact that he had a septum piercing
"holy shit balls"
"What dumbass?" He jumped from the return of his friend, Scara. "Nothing- uhh wowww cough cough i suddenly feel under the weather cough-- I dont think i can stream anymore uhh,, thanks for coming guysBYE-"
"w-" he quickly exits the discord call and game lobby, and turning off his stream. He slumps against his chair.
"what"
What the hell- why- why???
Its not that he doesn't like it, he loves it in fact. He just knows that Zhongli would never do this
sober-- atleast--
VENTI.
He grabs his abandoned phone from his desk and quickly finds Ventis contact and presses the call button. It rings and rings and RInGs- Until he FINALLY picks up.
"YOU."
"Heyyy!!!! Its childe!!! Zhongli its your boyfriendddd" Venti slurs and hiccups
His theory has been proven correct, that little shit got his boyfriend shit faced.
"So Zhongli is there with you.. what the hell are you two doing??"
"Oh well Zhongli was down in the dumps about not getting 100% on his history essay, soooo being the AMAZING friend i am, brought him the dilucs bar!! He hiccup was being an old g rump about it before, but i got him to losen up-"
"Yeah yeah yeah-- i understand that you two are drunk. But why the hell did zhongli just send me a picture of him with a PIERCING." He sighs into the phone.
"Oh-- oh yeah we got piercings, He got his septum and i got my left nipple. Oh yeah and he got a tattoo. Man this piercing HURTS. the piercer told me to hold this icepack on it back OW-"
"WHAT?"
"yeah idk this icepack is cold-"
"HE GOT A TATTOO??? WHERE?"
"WOwww not even worried about your dear old friend Venti, im hurt"
"Venti i will shove your boxers up your ass and out your throat-"
"FINEEEE jeez. He got it on his ass i think? Idk man i just seen him showing his ass cheek to the guy, my nipple hurts."
"I- Just get him home soon, please. Also i WILL be telling xiao about this"
"NO-"
Venti couldnt get another word out before childe hung up and face palmed.
Like what the hellllll man, not only did he get a piercing, but a TATTOO, ON HIS A S S NONE THE LESS.
He decided he would try texting zhongli, opening up his contact named "Rock solid" and started typing.
C: "Hey hun, how was your day"
Z: "OHUJhh Hii!! hi chidle
Im okaaytyy i got a piercing~!~!!2"
C: "I seen, it looks good on you"
Z: "Ohhh i got a tatto o to
wanna seesa?"
C: "Yes please"
He waited about 7 minutes before zhongli responded saying
"how"
sigh
C: "Press the pretty mountain button hun"
z: "OHHH Youre so s marty"
He finally got an image of zhonglis bare ass, with the word 'SLUT' written in bold font, on his left asscheek.
Oh.