Chapter Text
4:52 a.m.
New Year's Eve
Dean P.O.V.
I woke up from my phone ringing on the bedside table. I picked it up without looking at the caller ID, but I figured it was someone I knew since the person was calling on my private number.
“Hello?” I managed to say after I just woke up.
“Hey Dean, I’m sorry if I woke you, but this is an emergency?” A female voice spoke on the other line.
“Charlie?” Dean asked, even though he recognized her voice immediately.
“Yeah, sorry, I thought you had my number?” She replied with an undertone of hurt in her voice.
“Yeah, I do. I just didn’t look at who was calling before I picked up,” I responded, and a sigh of relief was heard on the other line.
“Oh, okay,” She replied.
“So what’s the emergency, Charles?” I asked, curious as to why she would call so early.
“Yes, our car broke down, and there are no busses en route to Lebanon on New Year’s eve, so either we can’t make it to party tonight or,” Charlie rambled so fast I barely managed to hear everything.
“Don’t worry, Charlie. I’ll come pick you up,” I offered, and I heard Charlie letting out a breath of relief through the phone.
“Are you sure?” She asked.
“Yes, absolutely, and it’s not a party without you anyways. So I’m basically doing all of us a favor,” I tell her to take away some of the guilt I know she has.
“Thanks, Dean. I love you so much,” She said through the phone.
“I know,” I replied, hearing a small laugh from the other line.
“Alright, I’m just gonna get ready and get something to eat, so I’ll probably be on the road in about half an hour,” I tell her.
“Oh, you don’t have to come this early. I can wait ‘till you’re ready,” She said politely.
“No, no. It actually works out for the best. We are gonna need someone to help with the decorations anyway. Thought you’d be perfect for that,” I tell her.
“Are you kidding me? Of course,” She replied, and I could basically hear her planning out everything in her head already.
“Awesome, see you, Charles,” I tell her.
“See you, Dean,” She replied before we both hung up the phone.
I looked at the clock on my phone for the first time since I woke up. 4:56 a.m. I took a deep breath before I forced myself out of bed to get ready. I walked out to the kitchen to see Sam already awake, of course.
“Wow, Dean. Why are you up so early?” Sam asked, wide awake as usual this time in the morning.
“Charlie called. Her car broke down, so I’m gonna go pick up her and Dorothy,” I responded, still not awake enough for his teasing.
“Alright. When will you be back?” Sam wanted to know.
“Around noon, I think. If there’s not too much traffic,” I tell him, to which he replied with a nod.
“Alright. Drive safe,” He said before Cas walked in.
“Thanks, Sammy, see you later,” I replied, rushing out before I got caught in a conversation with Cas.
5:26 a.m.
New Year's Eve
Three hours alone in Baby ‘till I reach Topeka. I hate that I haven’t been able to talk to Cas since he got back from the Empty. What am I supposed to say to him? We’ve talked a little here and there, but it’s never more than three sentences or even close to how we used to be.
I don’t know how to feel around him. I know I love him. I have for years now. I just don’t know how he could leave me like that. Telling me, he loved me was something I never thought I should hear him say. I was overwhelmed with joy, and I didn’t know if I was dreaming or not. After the Shadow took him, I sat on the floor waiting to wake up from this twisted nightmare, but I never did. That’s when I knew I wasn’t dreaming.
I had to live for months, pretending to be happy. Pretending I hadn’t just lost the love of my life. Burring how much it hurt.
It took some time for Jack to get Cas out of the Empty, but he’s back and has been for three weeks now, but we haven’t talked about the day it all happened yet.
Before I knew it, I’d arrived at Charlie and Dorothy’s house. Charlie walked out the door as I climbed out of the car.
“Dean,” She called from the door.
“Thank you so much for coming to get us,” She said, hugging me when she’d caught up to me.
“No problem, Charles,” I said and kissed the top of her head.
I helped load their duffle bags in the trunk and got back behind the wheel with Charlie in the passenger seat and Dorothy in the back seat.
“So, how have you been?” She asked, putting on her seatbelt.
“Uh, you know, the usual. What about you? Is it good being back?” I replied, and it all came out a little more insecure than I intended. I hope she wouldn’t notice, and I started Baby and drove off before she could say anything.
“It was weird at first, but I think we are settling in good,” She replied.
“That’s great, Charles,” I tell her. Truly happy for her.
I could tell there was something else she wanted to ask me, but the conversation died at that. I knew she was going to ask about Cas. I told her everything that had happened while she’s been gone, including losing Cas to the Empty.
I haven’t told her I got Cas back, but I know she would have questions I wasn’t sure how to answer, so I figured I’d keep it unsaid for as long as possible.
That being the next three hours, because no doubt she will see Cas in the bunker when we get home, and she will probably punch me when she sees him.
11:58 a.m.
New Year's Eve
I pulled into the garage as I felt myself getting nervous of what was about to come. I opened the trunk and took Charlie’s duffle bag over one shoulder and Dorothy’s in my hand.
“We’re back,” I shouted into the war room as we were walking down the stairs. Sammy, Cas, and Jack came out from the library, and as I expected, I felt a fist punch my arm.
“Dean, you idiot. Why didn’t you tell me Cas was back?” She said, walking over to embrace him in a crushing hug. I caught Cas’ eyes for a short moment before I chickened out and looked away.
“You didn’t ask,” I replied, knowing it was a long shot. She let go of Cas and turned around, making me a disappointed bitchface.
“I didn’t think I had to,” She responded, walking over to greet Sam and Jack as well.
“Sorry,” I simply reply.
“So Cas. How long have you been back?” Charlie asked. Cas looked over at me for only a second before turning his attention to Charlie. Even in that second, I could see how hurt felt by I didn’t say anything about him being back.
“About three weeks, I think,” He replied, not entirely sure. I, on the other hand, know for a fact it’s been three weeks. No more, no less. I’ve counted every day since I got to see those beautiful blue eyes again.
“Almost a month, that’s a long time,” Charlie said, making her voice loud and clear while turning her judging head towards me.
“Alright, let me show you guys to your room,” I cut in, killing their conversation before they got to talk about something I hadn’t even told Sam yet. Luckily, Charlie and Dorothy nodded and followed behind me.
“Were you ever planning on telling me?” Charlie shouted in a low voice when we got to their room.
“Alright, I’m going somewhere else,” Dorothy stated before quickly leaving the room.
“Of course, I was, Charles,” I snapped back with the same tone, putting down their bags on their bed.
“Then why haven’t you?” She asked, clearly a little hurt by this.
“Because that hasn’t really been my top priority the last few weeks, and I haven’t even told Sam what happened yet,” I explained, cursing myself when I realized what I’d just said. There was a short moment of silence before Charlie apologetically laid her hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t want to pressure you, but the longer you’re walking around pretending everything is how it was, the more you will get hurt when everything escalates,” She told me, sitting down beside me on the bed.
“I know, Charles. I just, I don’t know where to begin,” I admit, letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“Have you talked to Cas yet?” She asked, and I knew she wouldn't like the answer.
“I can’t,” I tell her looking in her eyes. I know she knows how hard this is for me, so she’s not pressing too hard.
“Dean, I know it’s hard, but you can’t move on from this unless you talk to him,” She said, and she’s right. Of course, she’s right. She always is.
“I’m scared, Charles,” I admit, and the tears I’ve been fighting so hard to keep locked away finally escaped. Charlie embraced me in a loving hug, soothing me.
“I know, Dean. Talk to him, okay. I promise I’ll be here afterward,” She promised, and that gave me hope. Maybe I could actually man up enough to talk to Cas.
“Thanks, Charles,” I tell her, letting go of her embrace. I’m so glad to have her back in my life. How the fuck did I survive this long without her.
1:04 p.m.
New Year's Eve
After cooling down and erasing any evidence that I’d just cried, I walked out to the kitchen to make the New Year’s dinner. The guests would arrive around five, so I still had four hours.
After Jack became God, he brought back everyone that sacrificed themself for us. Not everyone was able to come tonight, but those who were, are Charlie, Dorothy, Bobby, Jody, Donna, Claire, Kaia, Kevin, Linda, Gabriel, Rowena, and Eileen. Then, of course, with Sam, Jack, Cas, and me, that adds up to sixteen people.
Three hours later, I was done with everything that needed prepping, and there were only a few things left to do that could only be done right before serving.
I clean up everything in the kitchen and walk back to my room to find something decent to wear, and I end up going with a green flannel and black jeans.
I find myself staring in the mirror, wondering what the hell Cas sees in me. How can anyone love someone like me? I’m broken and messed up, and I ruin everything I get close to. Is Cas aware of what love is in that matter, or does he just mistake it for loving me as a friend? I know only Cas can answer that, and I will talk to him if I ever find the courage to speak with him.
5:07 p.m.
New Year's Eve
Time kept ticking, and I still haven’t talked to Cas. I told myself I would do it before midnight, but it looks like it’ll have to wait ‘till after dinner. Now, the guests are arriving within a short distance of each other. I heard the bunker door open and close, so I walked out to see who it was.
“Hey Idjits, happy New Year,” Bobby said, walking down the stairs. When he reached the end, we all greeted him with a hug.
“Hey Bobby, it’s good to see you,” I say when he reaches me.
“You too, boy,” He replied, moving on to greet the rest.
Shortly after, Jody, Donna, Claire, and Kaia arrived with the dessert they had made for all of us.
"Hey everyone, happy New Year," Jody and Donna greeted at the same time. I took the dessert out of Donna's hands and walked to the kitchen to put it in the freezer, which Jody and Donna followed behind.
"Let me show you where you are gonna sleep," I say, gesturing for them to follow as I walk out in the hallway. I thought they would be okay with a room next to each other. And they were.
I tried to let one room be empty between each guest, but there weren't enough rooms for that. I figured it was best that all the couples would have an empty room on each side, considering the thin walls.
There are three sets of couples, but knowing both Gabriel and Rowena, I'm not taking any chances, so I put both of their rooms in the same area as all the couples. It's not fun being single at New Year's, especially when you are too chicken to talk to the only person you want to kiss. There are still over six hours left of this year, so I have plenty of time to talk to him.
7:34 p.m.
New Year's Eve
All the guests had arrived, and we all sat eating dinner in the library. It was the only place we could all sit if we merged all the tables. I have managed to place myself as far away from Cas as possible. I didn't want to ruin his night. Not yet, at least. Not that it made it any better on my part, but that's okay.
"So Dean, what's going on with you and Cas?" Claire asked, not too loud, but Charlie, Dorothy, Kaia, and Kevin all heard her.
"What, nothing. What makes you say that?" I ask nervously, feeling my cheeks turn red. I looked over at Charlie, who was sitting beside Claire, begging for some kind of saving.
"Because I haven't seen you guys talk since I arrived, and now you're sitting as far away from each other that you possibly can," She explained with a cocky smile.
"Are you guys fighting or something?" She added, enjoying how uncomfortable I was.
"Uh, it's complicated," I replied, taking a sip of my beer, eying Charlie to save me.
"Complicated how?" Claire inquired, and finally, Charlie came for the rescue.
"So Dorothy and I are getting a Dog," She said spontaneously, which made Dorothy almost choke on her food.
"We are?" Dorothy said, surprised, looking at Charlie, looking between her and Dean.
"Oh yeah, that's right. I totally forgot about that," She added when she realized what was going on. Kevin just shook his head at them. Given that he used to live in the bunker. He had a pretty good guess as to what was going on.
"Oh, that's awesome. What are you getting?" Kevin asked, playing along. Just for the fun of it.
"Uhhhh, we haven't really talked about it that much, and we were supposed to start looking in the new year," Charlie replied. To be honest, it was a pretty good distraction, but it only worked for a short while.
"So what did you do, Dean? Or was it Cas? You can't leave me hanging, man. Give me some juice," She said, not letting it go.
"Look, Claire. I don't wanna talk about it, and it's kind of a mood-kill anyway," I tell her, and that seems to make her more understanding. But only a little.
"Fine, don't tell me. But don't think this conversation is over, old man," She said with that cocky smile back all over her face.
"Whatever just eat your food," I surrendered. I knew she would try and get it out of me as soon as dinner was over, so now I had to avoid her too.
10:22 p.m.
New Year's Eve
It's getting close to midnight, and I still haven't talked to Cas. Why is this so hard? I see him talking to Gabriel, Linda, and Charlie, but I can't hear what they're saying. I look down at my beer, and it's almost empty, so I go out to the kitchen to get a new one. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now, so I just sit down at the kitchen table alone.
"Hello, Dear. Why are you sitting out here all alone? Aren't you going to enjoy the party?" Rowena said, walking into the kitchen.
"Sorry, I can’t right now, not in the mood," I replied, taking a sip of my beer. She let out a large sigh and sat down across from me.
"What's wrong, my dear?" She asked, and I could see she was generally concerned. I thought about denying it 'till she would walk away, but I could really use another person's perspective on this.
"Cas and I haven't said a word to each other since he got back from the Empty. I promised myself I would talk to him before midnight, but I don't know if that's in the cards anymore," I admit to her, and her face suddenly lit up with realization. She knows how much Cas means to me, and I could see she knows this topic is dangerous territory.
"Why do you need to talk to him? What happened between you?" She asked carefully.
"He uh, he sacrificed himself for me," I replied, and I was met with a confused Rowena.
"What's so wrong about that? You guys do that all the time," She said, and she wasn't wrong.
"Yeah, well, this time was different," I answered and walked over to the fridge for another beer.
"How?" She inquired.
"Because, this time, he told me he was in love with me, and I just stood there saying nothing," I admitted, and a huge smile appeared on her face.
"Why are you smiling?" I added after she hadn't rubbed that cocky smile off.
"Oh, dear, I'm sorry. I always had a feeling there was more to your relationship than just friendship," She said, and that caught my attention. I thought I'd been hiding my feeling pretty well. What did she mean by that?
"Yeah, well, I have about one and a half hours to talk to him, and I have no clue how," I said.
"Why do you have to talk to him before midnight?" she asked.
"Because if I don't. I will never talk to him, and I," I stopped myself before I said too much, but it seemed like she knew what I was going to say anyway.
"You want to kiss him at midnight?" She stated, more than it was a question. All I could do was let out a deep breath in defeat, followed by a nod.
"Doesn't matter anyway. It's too late to fix it," I tell her, and she immediately cut me off.
"It's never too late to fix anything," She said with a firm voice and a wink, then walked away, taking the last word before I had a chance to answer her.
11:57 p.m.
New Year's Eve
We were all either sitting or standing in the Dean cave, watching the Times Square concert, while we waited for the ball to drop. Three minutes till it's confirmed that I'll always be a chicken. I found myself staring at Cas from across the room. My staring cut of by Charlie.
"Have you talked to him yet?" She asked sympathetically.
"What do you think?" I snapped at her, not intending for it to come out so harsh.
"Dean, I'm only trying to help," She replied defensively.
"I know. I'm sorry, Charles, I'm just frustrated and angry, and I just," I trailed off, and I could feel a small hand soothing my back.
"I know, Dean," She said and walked back to Dorothy, giving up on trying anything else.
She was supposed to push me into talking to Cas, I think to myself as I hear everyone start shouting, "10,"
She was supposed to say something that would give me courage, "9,"
She was supposed to make this easier, "8,"
I need to do something, anything, "7,"
I found myself looking past the room, locating where Cas is, "6,"
Dean Winchester, this is one of the stupidest ideas you've ever had, "5,"
I walk past the room, making my way towards Cas, "4,"
I'm almost there, "3,"
I catch his eyes, not far from him now, "2,"
I stop in front of him, with him gazing at me, shocked and confused, "1,"
"Dean, what are you do-," He said before I smashed my lips into his, taking what I've longed for, for years.
"Happy New Year, everyone," I heard everyone shout to each other, but I didn't care. I was kissing Cas right now, and that was all I've wanted. I felt him kiss back when he realized what was going on. But frankly, so did I. I broke the kiss and took a step back.
"I, I'm so sorry, Cas," I tell him before I run off to my room.