Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hyunjin is packing up his belongings to leave for the day when three things happen in very quick succession.

1.) Hyunjin’s long-time crush and fellow dance team member, Felix, bursts into his classroom with all the energy of a summer storm, equal parts chaos and all the warmth that remains. His smile is luminous as he skips past desktops, coming to a stop before Hyunjin’s own, tiny fingers curling into a tiny little wave.

“F-Felix?” he stutters.

“Hyunjin, hi.” His smile grows wider.

Hyunjin’s brain is only just catching him up to speed when 2.) from behind Felix’s shoulder, his best friend Seungmin suddenly appears. Tall and perpetually serious Seungmin, his face is crafted into an especially somber expression, although Hyunjin doesn’t question why until a flash of pink catches his eye. His attention is suddenly drawn to the object in Seungmin’s hands, slightly crumpled from where Hyunjin had to shimmy and then shove it through a locker vent. He recognizes the familiar pink envelope. More precisely, Hyunjin recognizes his pink envelope.

Then, Seungmin says in that monotone way of his, “Your confession,” which is followed by a crack in the façade when he nervously licks his lips. The corners of his mouth lift up into a smile. “I accept.”

In Hyunjin’s subsequent scramble to stand and pluck the envelope back, 3.) Hyunjin’s foot gets tangled up with his bag straps and he immediately topples over. He uses his hands to break his fall. Somewhere in his right arm, a tendon unnaturally twists.

Hyunjin blacks out after that, although if it’s due to the blossoming pain in his limb or the shock of seeing Felix’s love letter in Seungmin’s hands, he’s not entirely sure.

♡

When Hyunjin regains consciousness, barely twenty seconds later, Seungmin ends up being the one to accompany him to a nearby clinic.

The two of them slide into the backseat of a cab, leaving Felix behind because he has dance practice to attend. Hyunjin would have been there too, admiring the exchange student from afar in between rehearsing choreo for a routine, if not for his rapidly swelling arm.

Hyunjin turns and watches Felix wave from the backseat of the car, his figure growing smaller in the distance before disappearing when they eventually turn onto the main road. Hyunjin bitterly laments not being able to walk with Felix to practice on account of this currently unfolding disaster and the silent, stoic boy buckled in on Hyunjin’s right.

Seungmin is reading something intently on his phone and Hyunjin can almost make out the glare of it in the reflection of Seungmin’s glasses -- but, given the lack of opening for conversation and his lack of motivation in starting one, Hyunjin opts for sinking into his seat and watching sullenly as the city slides by. Hyunjin passes the time by practicing mind control, trying to block out the throbbing pain without much success. It lessens only marginally when they finally pull up in front of the clinic doors.

Seungmin calmly pays for the cab and checks Hyunjin in at the service desk. Being someone who is uncomfortable with healthcare settings and spending any amount of time in them in general, Hyunjin admits to feeling comforted while staring at the broad lines of Seungmin’s back, dependable in its breadth and the rigid way he carries himself. Hyunjin used to joke that Seungmin was built in a factory alongside supercomputers and is secretly a robot himself, although seeing his classmate now, Hyunjin can somewhat appreciate Seungmin for his systematic and methodical ways. Better a robot than the flustered mess Hyunjin would have been if he were forced to do any of this by himself.

Seungmin walks back over with a clipboard and pen. “There’s some paperwork you need to fill out before someone can see you, but I can transcribe the answers if you don’t mind giving me the information.” He looks meaningfully at Hyunjin’s dominant hand attached to his rapidly purpling arm.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Seungmin nods. “Name?”

He squints at the other boy. “Seungmin, you know my name.”

Seungmin shrugs. “Just checking to see if you’ve sustained any head trauma as well.”

Hyunjin sighs and relents. “Hwang Hyunjin.”

“Date of birth?”

“20 March, 2000.”

“Marital status?”

“Single.”

“Sex?”

“Yes.”

He watches as Seungmin’s hand falters, already having preemptively circled the letter M. The excess ink from the pen bleeds into a spot on the paper as Seungmin sits frozen in place. Hyunjin is fascinated by the blush that creeps up the side of his classmate’s neck, contrasting against the black wisps of hair that curl slightly at the nape.

“I can’t believe I got you with the oldest joke in the book!” he laughs.

“Hyunjin, you could have broken your arm. Now is not the time to joke!” It’s supposed to be a reprimand but Seungmin’s lips are puckered into a pretty prominent pout. It cuts whatever authority he has in half and the way the blush has worked itself all the way up to Seungmin’s ears is effective in undermining what's left.

It’s the most visible reaction Hyunjin has ever seen from the other boy and it surprises him not just due to its existence, but the way it’s all too endearing as well.

Hyunjin’s never noticed before, but from certain angles, Seungmin is kind of, just a tiny bit, cute?

A thought he’d never imagined would have ever crossed his mind.

He blinks twice and looks away. “What’s next?”

Together, they blow through the rest of the intake form with ruthless efficiency, hopping swiftly from item to item until they reach the end. Throughout it all, Hyunjin notes the two prominent spots of color on the high points of Seungmin’s face and the stilted way he can’t meet Hyunjin’s gaze.

It’s a slow day so Hyunjin is brought back to see a physician almost right away, an aging older man with liver spots in the places where his hairline recedes. Although his smile is kind, Hyunjin is still wary of doctors, and gets tongue-tied when the man asks Hyunjin to walk him through what happened. Developing something like a second nature, he immediately defers to Seungmin.

The younger boy, from where he’s hovering to Hyunjin’s right, sighs. “He tripped over his backpack and landed on his arm weirdly while trying to cushion the fall. I don’t think anything’s broken though. I did some research on the way over and my best guess is that it’s just a pretty bad sprain, although I don’t want to rule out the possibility of a hairline fracture.”

Ah, Hyunjin thinks, blinking up at the underside of Seungmin’s jaw. So that’s what he was looking at so intently on his phone in the car.

He tries to tamp down on the part of him that is strangely placated at having not been purposefully ignored.

Seungmin speaks with his usual serious expression only there’s an undercurrent of worry to it as well, evident in how his brows pull together as he carefully explains the situation. Tuning everything else out, Hyunjin questions if there have always been these variations to Seungmin’s default expression, minute at first but plain to see if only he had ever bothered to look.

The doctor rubs his chin thoughtfully and says, “I would like to run a couple tests, just to be sure.”

After being poked and prodded, x-rayed, and then relegated to waiting around for the better part of an hour, the results are in. Just as Seungmin predicted, nothing is broken except his arm is severely sprained. Hyunjin will need to wear a sling and keep from doing anything strenuous for a week.

At that formal prescription, Hyunjin’s heart sinks all the way down to his knees.

“So does this mean dance practice is out of the question?”

His doctor nods. “Dance practice is out of the question. You’re allowed to do some light stretching at most.”

Hyunjin’s face visibly falls, running the calculations in his head. He can’t afford to miss a week’s worth of practice plus the couple of hours he puts in on the weekends as well. Not with their summer showcase on the horizon and Hyunjin’s first ever solo on the line. He’s been running through the choreo for weeks, his friends and family have shelled out money for seats, his aunt out in Jeju is getting on a plane.

Hyunjin thinks he could cry.

Sensing his distress, Seungmin curls a hand around his shoulder, channeling comfort through his fingertips and the gentle pressure of a reassuring squeeze. “You’ve worked hard for so long. Let yourself rest and recover for a bit. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

He wonders how Seungmin’s managed to so accurately read his mind and if there’s also magic in him, somewhere deep inside; the younger boy’s assurances feel inevitable, something already set in stone. Like if Seungmin says it, then it just has to be true.

Or maybe that’s just Hyunjin desperately wanting it to be true.

“Just a week?” he asks, barely able to keep the tremble in his voice at bay.

“More or less,” his doctor says.

Hyunjin casts one last look at his arm, limp with purplish-yellow mottling now, and whispers, “I really hope it's less.”

♡

“I sprained my arm, Seungmin. I didn’t break a leg. I’m pretty sure I can get home by myself okay.” Hyunjin hitches the very bag that prompted this whole cursed excursion up higher on his shoulder. They’re waiting at the bus stop nearest to the clinic by the main road, watching as cars and scooters and pedestrians pass by.

Seungmin doesn’t look entirely convinced, giving Hyunjin a thorough once-over. “Just in case,” he insists. “I would feel better about the whole thing if you let me take you home. It’s partially my fault that this happened anyway.”

“It’s not like you pushed me,” Hyunjin points out.

“But I was still the reason why you tripped.” Seungmin blushes.

It is the first time during the course of this afternoon that Hyunjin remembers that Felix’s love letter has somehow ended up in Seungmin’s hands.

Hyunjin has always been clumsy with words, being sometimes too ambiguous to convey the full extent of his meaning or too long-winded it drowns out the essence of the message itself. The words in his head never seem to be the words he says aloud. Worse is when he doesn’t mean to say anything at all. Thus necessitating a confession via letter, because that way Hyunjin can perfect and finetune his meaning before writing it down.

He thinks: this is perfect. I’ll write Felix a letter. Letters are super romantic!

Which is all fine and dandy except for how he realizes his wording was vague enough in the letter that it could apply to anybody, and now Hyunjin has to find a way to tell Seungmin that it doesn’t apply to him.

“About that,” Hyunjin hums and if his right arm wasn’t busted, he might even be seen nervously twiddling his thumbs.

That love letter isn’t for you, it’s actually for your best friend. Only – shit fuck shit – you think it’s for you and have accepted it as well. Which—does that mean that you like me? As in romantically? Oh God, please don’t like me. Please please please don't like me.

If only it were as simple as repeating his internal monologue aloud.

“Um . . .” He hesitates for too long and creates an opening.

Seungmin forges on, “I was really shocked you know, finding that letter in my locker today. I didn’t think you thought of me as anything other than Felix’s friend, or really thought of me at all. You were never more than polite, the few times we’ve crossed paths. So like I said, I was a little bit shocked. But also a little bit happy.” Seungmin lowers his voice and leans in closer, close enough for Hyunjin to see the elation in Seungmin’s eyes. “Truthfully, I’ve never been confessed to before.”

He steps back and smiles wide.

Well, shit.

Hyunjin can’t tell him now -- not after seeing the pleased little smile on Seungmin’s face and the slight tilt of his round little head, too reminiscent of a puppy for Hyunjin to subsequently kick with the truth: that Seungmin still hasn’t been confessed to before, because the confession was never meant for him. It was meant for his best friend, Lee Felix.

Hyunjin swallows, too guilt-ridden to meet Seungmin’s gaze. “I was just as shocked that you accepted it.” They had exchanged little more than a few awkward greetings and visual acknowledgement of the other’s presence before this.

“Oh, really?” Seungmin asks. “You’re probably the most popular guy in school. Plus, I think you’re very handsome when you dance. You’re handsome in general, but I always found you the most attractive seeing how much effort you put into learning choreography and how hard you always work.”

Hyunjin flushes at Seungmin’s placid face and the slow, languid way he blinks. So completely earnest. “What the hell?” Hyunjin covers his own face. He can only imagine the way he’s rapidly turning a neon, bubblegum pink. It feels like he's running a fever. “How can you so calmly just say something like that?”

“Like what?”

“Something so heart-fluttery!”

“Oh? I was only being honest. I wasn’t trying to, um, flutter your heart or anything on purpose.”

Hyunjin groans. “That makes it even worse!”

Seungmin chuckles and Hyunjin finds that he weirdly really likes the sound.

“If I promise not to say anything heart fluttering again, can I walk you home?”

He knows it’s a bad idea to say yes and prolong the inevitable. Hyunjin should nip this firmly in the bud and tell Seungmin that everything is just one big misunderstanding, that Hyunjin getting hurt is totally not his fault so Seungmin doesn’t owe him anything other than well wishes. They’ll go their separate ways and return to being classmates who are barely more than acquaintances and it’ll be fine. Super fine.

He feels a tiny twist of something in his gut, wondering if Seungmin will revert back into the Seungmin of before instead of the smiling, expressive version before him now.

I should tell him. I should tell him right now . . .

Except Hyunjin suddenly realizes that he left his headphones in his locker and he hates walking home in silence. Also what if he gets mugged or something on the way? And can’t fend off his attacker because he’s restricted to only doing ‘light stretches at most’ and even if Seungmin doesn’t look like he could fend off a particularly strong gust of wind much less a petty thief, at least there will be someone to call the police afterwards as Hyunjin recovers from the shock of getting mugged.

“Um, yeah,” he says upon further reflection. “I’ll let you walk me home, I guess.”

Hyunjin can always tell him later, right? Maybe use the trek back to his apartment complex to go through in his head exactly what he’s going to say. He doesn’t want to excessively hurt Seungmin’s feelings or part ways on bad terms, especially since he’s still Felix’s best friend and – evidenced from the events of today – just an all-around Good Guy.

“So where do you live?” Seungmin asks, slipping Hyunjin’s bag from off his shoulder and wearing it backwards so that it rests against his chest.

“You look like an ice cream sandwich,” Hyunjin comments distractedly.

“I hope I’m your favorite flavor.”

Hyunjin flushes. “Okay. That one was definitely on purpose.” Where the hell did Kim Seungmin learn how to flirt?

“Guilty this time. But really though, where do you live?”

“In Cheongjin, by the old movie theater.”

“Oh cool.” There’s a short pause before Seungmin continues and says, “I live around there, too.”

Hyunjin wonders how it’s possible that he’s never run into Seungmin before on the streets or at the corner market grabbing a Melona bar from the ice cream fridge outside. His neighborhood isn’t the biggest so their community is pretty tight knit, the kind where everyone knows everyone and have gossiped extensively about those that they don’t. Then again, Hyunjin is a total homebody and keeps fairly odd hours when he’s not busy with hagwon and dance.

“Lucky for us then. There’s our bus.”

Still on the tail-end of rush hour, the bus is predictably packed, a couple of windows cracked open to help circulate fresh air. A good Samaritan sees Hyunjin’s arm in a sling and gives up their seat while the people around them make room for Seungmin to stand beside him, noodle arms clinging onto the grab handle above his head.

Hyunjin is once again spared the terrible fate of making small talk since everyone else on the bus is content to sit in silence, letting the ambient sounds of traffic wash over them as they unwind from a hard day’s work or rest up before attending supplemental lessons. More and more people board than the paltry numbers that get off since they’re still on the main road and haven’t turned into the more residential areas yet. Seungmin gets jostled around trying to maintain a bubble of space for Hyunjin, knees locked and standing his ground to give Hyunjin room to breathe even as a business man with pit stains keeps backing up into him every thirty seconds.

The next stop sees a crowd of passengers that will no doubt push the bus to beyond max capacity. Taking pity, Hyunjin pulls Seungmin down onto his lap. It might be on account of Hyunjin’s Dancer Thighs™ but he barely feels Seungmin’s weight. “Is this okay?” he asks.

Seungmin hesitates and then nods.

He doesn’t, however, relax.

“Are you even breathing right now?” He notes Seungmin’s ramrod straight back and the way his entire body is clenched like a fist. He’s as stiff as a board in Hyunjin’s lap.

“I don’t want to accidentally bump into your arm.”

“It’s fine. I’m still hopped up on anesthesia. It’ll be numb for another few hours.”

“But still . . . ”

Hyunjin digs a finger into Seungmin’s side in what is supposed to be a joking reproach, only to discover that the other boy is ticklish. Seungmin reflexively squirms away from the touch. “I said I was fine.”

“Are you sure?”

He doesn’t know what possesses him to say it, temporary insanity maybe or his stupidly romantic sensibilities, but Hyunjin breezily replies, “Can’t a guy cuddle up with his new boyfriend in peace?”

He regrets it the moment the words leave his lips.

“F-fine,” Seungmin says and turns away to unsuccessfully hide a furious blush. Hyunjin’s amazed that he’s managed to fluster Seungmin to the extent of stuttering, before the feeling is replaced by one of horror upon realizing that he’s only further stuck his foot in his mouth. How is Hyunjin supposed to back out of this now? When he just referred to Seungmin as his ‘new boyfriend’?

Plan B: Hyunjin rides this out. He lets their relationship run its course. The two of them are so different and surely Seungmin is too practical to date someone he doesn’t see himself working out with long-term. It’ll take two, maybe three days max for him to realize how incompatible he and Hyunjin are as a couple and then they’ll end things amicably. Hyunjin won’t have to do anything other than be himself. The cherry on top would be the fact that Seungmin gets to keep his confession and Hyunjin still has a chance of maybe dating Felix down the road since he and Seungmin are far from engaging in a knock-down-drag-out divorce.

It’s a win-win, Hyunjin thinks.

This is shortly before the bus lurches to a stop to avoid hitting a pedestrian and Hyunjin’s good arm instinctively curls around Seungmin’s waist to keep him from flying across the aisle and bowling into a crowd of bodies. Fighting against inertia, he pulls the younger boy closer, flush against Hyunjin’s chest so that when Seungmin turns to face him, their noses accidentally brush. Breathlessly, Seungmin says, “Thank you” and then Hyunjin stops thinking at all.

♡

Saturday morning rolls around and Jeongin tells him, under no uncertain terms, that “this is a tremendously and colossally Bad Idea. Probably your worst idea ever,” he declares. “Which is saying something considering you were Team Jacob in middle school.”

“Hey,” Hyunjin protests, but weakly. Jeongin had softened his admonishment with a joke but Hyunjin senses his deep-seated disapproval all the same. It’ll be hard to convince his best friend that this is the best course of action for everyone involved.

He lifts himself out of his bed and joins Jeongin in the opposite beanbag chair on the floor. The two of them are marathoning the last season of Daredevil together as a distraction from the fact that Hyunjin can’t practice his routine at the studio today. He told Jeongin everything, including his Master Plan, over the phone last night so the younger boy has had time to let everything sink in.

“One date,” Hyunjin says, stuffing his face with popcorn rather than breakfast. “It’ll only take one date for Seungmin to realize that we have nothing in common and no chemistry at all.”

He suddenly remembers yesterday afternoon, sitting so close for the remainder of the bus ride that he couldn’t see anything past the fan of Seungmin’s lashes. Neither of them had made any attempts at putting distance between them despite how smoothly the rest of the ride had gone.

Hyunjin shakes his head to clear away the thoughts but cannot shake the sudden skips of his heart.

“One date and he’ll break up with me instead.” He swallows the suspicion that he’s moreso trying to convince himself than he is trying to convince Jeongin.

The younger boy frowns. “I think you’re underestimating how charming you can be, hyung.”

Hyunjin leans forward to push Jeongin’s cheeks between his palms. “Are you actually complimenting me, Iyen-ah?”

“No,” Jeongin huffs from between his squished-up lips. “I said annoying. You’re underestimating how annoying you can be. Seungmin-sunbae is gonna dump you before you can even get to a first date!”

“Hopefully,” he responds but the word feels rather hollow. It floats away like a soap bubble from his tongue.

♡

Mid-bite into a chocolate croissant, Hyunjin receives a series of text messages on KKT from a number he doesn’t recognize.

[Unknown]: Hello, this is Seungmin.
[Unknown]: I hope it’s okay that I got your number off of Felix.
[Unknown]: I just wanted to check in and see if you were doing alright?

He chokes down on the mouthful of bread. It takes a glass and half of orange juice to dislodge the chunk of pastry that had gone down the wrong pipe. Seungmin probably saw the little 1s disappear from their text chain since Hyunjin opened the messages immediately but it takes him a full 10 minutes to regain a proper breathing technique. It takes another 10 to formulate a response, if only because he’s still getting over the initial surprise of receiving the messages themselves.

Before Friday, Kim Seungmin didn't exist outside the confines of school. Now, he’s bleeding into Hyunjin’s real life since he already thinks about Seungmin every time his arm twinges or he’s encumbered by the lack of the limb – in short, Hyunjin thinks about Seungmin a lot these days. These messages further cement the fact that Seungmin is real and that their relationship, however tenuous and fledgling and to some certain extent is real, too.

Hyunjin’s never been in a relationship before so this would be his first. There’s always a nervousness attached to firsts. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with the fact that it’s Seungmin texting him, right?

HHJ: being left-handed SUCKS
HHJ: how do people LIVE LIKE THIS
HHJ: otherwise i’m doing ok, thanks for checking in

Truthfully, he expects the conversation to end. He expects Seungmin to be a dry texter. What he doesn’t expect is for them to end up texting each other on and off throughout the day, each instance resulting in a full-fledged conversation instead of off-the-cuff remarks, sentences birthed and left to die in quick succession like the lifespan of a mayfly. Some of them make Hyunjin smile when he reads them back at night before bed. Seungmin is partial to using stickers in conjunction with his responses. The little animations look like him, Hyunjin thinks.

Towards the end, they get sucked into another conversation that lasts for hours. Hyunjin doesn’t even realize how much time has elapsed since he and Seungmin get mired in a debate over the merits of hard vs. soft bananas and strange food combinations that they enjoy but are sworn to secrecy to never reveal to anyone else (Hyunjin likes dousing his pizza in Caesar salad dressing. Seungmin thinks dipping french fries into ice cream is exotic and quirky.)

[Unknown]: Unfortunately, I have to go to bed.

HHJ: already? it’s only 1

[Unknown]: Sorry ㅠㅠ
[Unknown]: It’s just that I usually go to bed around 10 pm 

HHJ: OMG. sorry for keeping you up so late then >.<

[Unknown]: It’s okay, I wanted to
[Unknown]: Sweet dreams, Hyunjin <3

Hyunjin stares at that heart for way longer than is strictly necessary and that he would ever publicly or privately admit to anyone aloud.

He saves Seungmin’s contact info and, after a moment of deliberation, adds a heart to his name, too.

♡

Seungmin insists on picking Hyunjin up on Monday morning, even if it’s just to carry Hyunjin’s bag to school, a responsibility that he takes just as seriously as he does everything else.

“Don’t you have stuff you need to attend to as class president or whatever?” Hyunjin recalls Felix telling him about how Seungmin always arrives twenty minutes early to make sure everything’s set up for the day.

“It’s okay, Daehwi is covering for me this week.”

“You slacker.”

“Sorry you had to find out this way. I hope this doesn’t ruin the image you have of me in your head.”

Hyunjin snorts. Seungmin is unexpectedly funny. “Don’t worry, you’ll always be some variation of Super Big Nerd in my head.”

“Is that, um.” Seungmin peers at him sideways as he tries to match Hyunjin’s pace. Hyunjin’s legs are longer but Seungmin walks faster. A blush works its way up his neck and face. “Is that something you like about me? I’ve been wondering since your letter didn’t really go into specifics.”

Which, therein lies the problem. For someone so romantic, Hyunjin can’t believe he wrote a love letter that could literally apply to anyone, even after he racked his brain for hours thinking about what he wanted to say; draft upon draft upon draft still sitting in his stationary drawer at home.

He doesn’t want to lie to Seungmin -- more than he already anways, allowing the other boy to believe that Hyunjin’s love letter was meant for him. A lie to spare someone’s feelings is not the same as a lie to save his own ass.

“I like that you’re . . . dependable.” This, at least, feels true. Hyunjin runs with it, stumbling through his sentences, but finds that the words come to him easier than he would think. “I’m realizing now that I never thanked you for everything you did on Friday, for taking care of all the paperwork and stuff. For walking me home. And for everything you’re doing now. Honestly, I used to find you a little mechanical. Perfect grades, perfect manners, perfect attendance. I remember all of those school assemblies we had to sit through where you marched towards the podium to collect another Highest Achiever award. Now I know it’s just because, no matter what it’s towards, you’re so unfailingly sincere.”

Seungmin coughs to clear his throat. He’s so pink in the face, he looks permanently sunburnt, and deflects from his embarrassment with, “You thought I was a robot?”

“A cute one!” Hyunjin rushes to clarify, jumping on the change in subject like it’s a life preserver. He’s feeling entirely too exposed even though Hyunjin doesn’t even like Seungmin like that. “Like Wall-E.”

Seungmin pouts. “If anyone asks, can you please name someone cooler like Optimus Prime?”

Seungmin is definitely not cool enough for anyone to associate him with Optimus Prime. Hyunjin’s pointed silence conveys that loud and clear.

“Fine,” he relents. “R2D2 then.”

“Is that from Star Trek?”

“Star Wars.”

“Fine. Sure. You can be RD22 or whoever.” Hyunjin waves him off. And then, giggling under his breath, “You Super Big Nerd.”

They fall into a companionable silence after that. He’ll occasionally catch the sounds of Seungmin humming under his breath and Hyunjin will hum along if he recognizes the song. It’s strangely easy being with Seungmin. There’s something about his presence, something steadying, that doesn’t leave Hyunjin scrambling to make conversation like he sometimes feels compelled to around Felix, so desperate to seem cool and interesting and affable in the face of his crush.

With Seungmin, Hyunjin’s not entirely comfortable though –- he still feels a fluttery kind of nervousness in the pauses between heart beats that drum somewhat heavier inside of his chest, bass rather than snare; a kind of resonance he’s never experienced before that multiplies tenfold when he feels Seungmin wrap a hand around his good wrist. “Quick! The light’s turning soon!” He pulls Hyunjin into a run, the two of them flying past the crosswalk and only slowing down when they make it through the school gates just in time for the warning bell to sound.

“Do you . . always . . . cut it this close?” He’s huffing and puffing.

“No,” Hyunjin replies, holding back a smile because Seungmin’s so out of breath. Pink-faced, chest heaving, tongue peaking out. He couldn’t look more like a puppy if he tried. “I’m usually late.”

There’s a warmth that lingers on his wrist even after Seungmin lets go.

When Seungmin hands over his backpack, he asks if they can sit together at lunch.

Hyunjin initially protests. “Seungmin, I can feed myself.”

“I know. I just want to share a meal with you.” It’s not a line, but Hyunjin’s heart races like it is.

“Knock it off!” he whines.

Hyunjin hates how affected he is by the way Seungmin grins. “Oh, did I say something heart-fluttery again? I didn’t mean to.”

The worst part is that Hyunjin believes it. He’s starting to learn that Seungmin is just Like That –- equal parts disarming and devastating, often at the same time and in the span of the same breath.

“What the hell,” he mutters and then begrudgingly agrees.

Seungmin tells him to also invite his friends. “I want to meet them.”

“Nobody should willingly want to meet Han Jisung.”

Oh shit, Hyunjin realizes as he says it that he hasn’t actually told Jisung.

He does so during homeroom, walking Jisung through all of Friday afternoon and then the aftermath that unfolded over the weekend. Jisung’s chief concern is over the fact that Hyunjin told Jeongin first and not him. “Hello? I’m also your best friend.”

“You were in Ilsan visiting family. Jeongin lives next door.”

“So phones only exist when you’re spending all day chatting up a guy you accidentally confessed to and are planning on breaking up with?”

“Keep your voice down,” Hyunjin hisses as their teacher starts wrapping up attendance. Jisung elbows him in the stomach in response. Hyunjin winces but more so to be dramatic than due to any actual pain.

“You’re the worst,” Jisung says and then doubles down on this sentiment when Hyunjin whips out his phone to discreetly text Jeongin about the change in lunch plans. "Die."

Jisung will get over his anger soon enough. Hyunjin’s more preoccupied with wondering whether or not Seungmin will be bringing Felix along, too. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to handle interacting with his boyfriend and crush all at the same time. That Hyunjin uses the phrase “boyfriend and crush” in reference to two separate people is already kind of fucked.

He doesn’t want to act the part of the doting and lovestruck boyfriend lest Seungmin get the wrong impression that Hyunjin is serious about their relationship, but he also doesn’t want to give Felix the impression that Hyunjin’s not. A serious kind of boyfriend, that is. Hyunjin totally is. At least, he would be if it were Felix instead.

Just thinking that fills Hyunjin with a queasy sense of dread, a sort of uneasiness that drops his body temperature by several degrees. Seungmin doesn’t deserve this. Seungmin deserves so much better than this.

He carries with him this somber mood through the lunch line, stuck in the quagmire of his mind and operating on autopilot up until the moment Seungmin takes a seat beside Hyunjin at his, Jeongin, and Jisung’s usual table smack dab in the center of the cafeteria.

“It feels like everyone’s staring at us,” Seungmin says in lieu of a greeting.

Jisung grins in welcome. “Don’t worry. They’re staring at me because I’m so handsome.” He sticks his hand out. “Hello, I’m Han Jisung. Ho–”

“Anyways,” Jeongin cuts Jisung off before he can drive Seungmin away with the propulsion of bullshit currently spewing from his mouth. “I’m Jeongin. I’m in the year below.”

Seungmin smiles and introduces himself shyly, then asks how it is that they all came to be so close.

“Jeonginnie and I grew up together,” Hyunin explains. “Jisung transferred here from some school in Malaysia a few years back. He was such a socially awkward loser, we took pity on him and let him be our friend.”

“Our mothers raised us to be charitable,” Jeongin chimes in.

“You guys suck,” Jisung says between a mouthful of rice, gnashed and half-chewed, one grain hanging off the side of his mouth. “I’m a gift from the Heavens bestowed upon you unworthy fuckers.”

“How charming,” Seungmin deadpans but there’s a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

“Yah, Hwang Hyunjin! How have you already turned your boyfriend against me?”

Jeongin rolls his eyes. “Hyung, you did that all on your own.”

Hyunjin leans in closer to ask Seungmin, “Where’s Felix?”

There’s a flicker of something Hyunjin can’t place that passes through Seungmin’s face before it just as quickly disappears. Seungmin says, “Lix is out sick today. He caught a stomach bug or something over the weekend.”

“Oh no, I hope he’s okay.”

“He is,” Seungmin assures him. “He mostly just needs bed rest and fluids at this point. The doctor says he should be fully recovered in a few days but Lix is taking the full week just in case it’s contagious.”

Hyunjin wonders if he and Seungmin will have broken up by then. He pictures all sorts of different scenarios: conversation fizzles out after the novelty of getting to know each other wears off, or Seungmin grows tired of Hyunjin’s more emotionally volatile tendencies and asks for space. Maybe they’ll disagree on something stupid that snowballs quickly out of control or grow sick of each other’s presence and drift further and further apart. Breakups happen all the time, for any number of reasons, and between couples infinitely more compatible than him and Seungmin. Perhaps it’s because he’s predisposed to being super sentimental, but Hyunjin feels a little sad that his first relationship already has a predetermined end.

Seungmin will come to his senses soon enough. It’s only a matter of time.

“What did those eggplants ever do to you?” Seungmin asks, watching as Hyunjin absent-mindedly mutilates a small pile of them with his chopsticks. The resulting mush and juices spill over onto his potato salad so now Hyunjin can’t eat that either.

“I hate eggplants. They taste gross.”

“Hyunjin-hyung has the palette of someone half his age,” Jeongin informs Seungmin smugly.

“Spoken like someone who inhales everything placed in front of him like Kirby,” Hyunjin snipes.

Seungmin ducks his head toward Hyunjin conspiratorially. “I don’t like eggplants much either but my mom taught me a trick: if you wrap it in kimchi and laver, it masks the taste and makes it go down easier.”

Hyunjin swears Seungmin uses some sort of subtle inflection in his tone, like a spell cast at a frequency that tickles a particular part of Hyunjin’s brain, because once again Hyunjin is inclined to believe him. Whole-heartedly so, even though he’s dodged everyone else’s attempts at convincing him to expand his culinary horizons, and views it as one of his biggest pet peeves when people try. Hyunjin is particular about a lot of foods so naturally, there are a lot of tries. His personal philosophy is that life is too short to eat gross foods.

“Really?” Hyunjin asks. He would’ve shut down the conversation as a whole if it were anyone else.

Seungmin nods and gets to work assembling his eggplant concoction using the ingredients from his own tray. Jeongin and Jisung watch with rapt fascination as Seungmin conceals the eggplant inside of a carefully constructed roll, which quickly transforms into disgust as Hyunjin opens his mouth and Seungmin feeds it to his boyfriend directly.

“This is so sick,” Jisung complains. “I can’t believe this blatant favoritism. Hyunjin and I once got into one of the biggest fights of our friendship because I accidentally gave him a sandwich with onions and he bit off a corner of it. He would have bitten my hand off if that were me.”

“Do you think he would’ve eaten rocks if sunbae were the one feeding it to him?”

“Wow!” Hyunjin, fully blushing, exclaims in an attempt to pull attention away from Jisung and Jeongin’s complaints. “You really can’t tell there’s eggplant in this at all.”

Seungmin looks pleased and a little bit shy when he goes to feed Hyunjin another roll and Jisung fully gags at the sight of them.

It’s harder to tell what Jeongin is thinking. The younger boy watches with an inscrutable expression on his face. That, more than anything else, leaves a terrible taste in Hyunjin’s mouth.

♡

Hyunjin doesn’t have time to be sad about the amount of dance practice he’s missing out on because he fills those hours with Seungmin instead.

In the morning, his boyfriend – a title that Hyunjin uses more and more frequently but still manages to evoke a lightness in his chest for some reason – picks him up and they walk to school together. Seungmin drags Hyunjin out of bed earlier so they’re not scrambling to make it to class before the gates close. Hyunjin’s mom does an actual spit-take, dark roast coffee soaking into the business section of the newspaper she’s holding, the first time Hyunjin bounds down the stairs twenty minutes ahead of schedule and actually eats a proper breakfast before meeting Seungmin outside.

The walk to school is filled with mindless chatter in between pockets of quiet when both halves of Hyunjin’s airpods play a song they both like. He and Seungmin had spent the better part of an hour putting a playlist together the other night and it becomes natural, like muscle memory, to hand over the left airpod to Seungmin while he puts on the right one in the morning.

“How many Kwon Jinah songs are on this playlist?” Hyunjin asks.

“Her entire discography.”

Hyunjin snorts.

They branch off to their separate homerooms and come back together for lunch. After Monday’s spectacle, Jisung and Jeongin beg off joining them in the interest of preserving their appetites, and because the weather has been especially nice, Seungmin usually asks if he wants to eat outside instead. They establish a favorite spot beneath the shade of an Elm tree near the baseball field.

“I used to play on the team,” Seungmin shares.

“Oh yeah.” Hyunjin vaguely recalls a memory of Seungmin in uniform standing outside of their dance studio, waiting for Felix because their practices usually ended around the same time. “What happened? Did you quit?”

“Forced retirement. I actually broke my arm last summer. It healed quickly enough, but with school work and college prep and club activities, I didn’t have the time to rehab and strength train properly in time for tryouts. I still can’t throw a baseball anymore the way I used to.”

“That sucks. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve made my peace with it. And plus, had I not broken my arm, I wouldn’t have been so familiar with what to do and how to act at the clinic on Friday.”

“Oh God,” Hyunjin groans, remembering the quiet assuredness of Seungmin’s actions. Was there a quiet grief buried somewhere underneath Seungmin’s facade that Hyunjin hadn’t noticed? “I feel bad for making you relive your trauma like that.”

“It’s not like you got hurt on purpose,” he points out. “And besides, I was way more concerned with making sure you were alright. Thankfully, it turned out to be just a sprain.”

“I’ve always wanted a cast though,” Hyunjin admits and jostles around his arm in its sling, almost fully mended at this point since he barely registers any pain. “Slings are so lame. I remember being super jealous of Jisung when he broke his leg trying to heely down a flight of stairs in sixth grade and my crush at the time signed his cast with a big heart next to her name: CHOI YENA. Ugh. Jisung holds that shit over my head to this day!”

Seungmin just laughs.

After school, they walk home together.

After recovering from the initial shock of that morning, Hyunjin’s mom somehow times it so that she bumps into them before Seungmin can leave and insists on inviting him inside. She’s holding a bag of Jeju tangerines that are at their peak sweetness and pork belly for dinner that night. Seungmin looks over at Hyunjin for tacit permission which Hyunjin grants because he thinks his mom would skin him alive and grill him alongside the pork belly for even thinking about turning away a guest.

This is how they end up in Hyunjin’s room trying to find ways to kill time as his mom prepares some side dishes and a stew.

Hyunjin’s apologetic since he’s not in the headspace to entertain Seungmin. ”If I don’t do well on my makeup quiz tomorrow, I’m going to bomb the entire unit.”

“What’s the subject?”

“Statistics. Chi-squared tests,” Hyunjin bemoans, burying his head into the pillow of his folded arms.

“I um,” Seungmin coughs awkwardly into his fist. “I actually got a 100 on that quiz.”

“Minnie, now is not the time to brag.” The nickname slips out easily. Hyunjin doesn’t think anything of it until he sees Seungmin turn a very violent shade of red.

“No!” He emphasizes and then repeats, quieter, “No. I just meant that I have a decent understanding of the unit if you wanted any help or someone to look over your practice questions.”

“Would you really?” Hyunjin asks, perking up at the thought. Seungmin consistently ranks in the top 5 in their grade and top 10 in the entire school. Hyunjin is a bottom dweller through and through, more concerned with rounding out his portfolio and submitting a good audition tape. Although his focus has never centered solely around his grades, the difference between a C and D in a class determines Hyunjin’s chances of getting into a dance major at a university in Seoul.

Seungmin, as it turns out, is singularly well-equipped when it comes to tutoring Hyunjin, patient enough to weather Hyunjin’s frustrations and constant attempts at distraction. He is quick to come up with at least seven different ways to explain a problem and its solution to Hyunjin until he finds one that clicks; is attentive and adaptive and an encouraging presence at Hyunjin’s side. Just a singular “Good luck! You got this!” text from Seungmin before he takes his quiz is enough to skyrocket Hyunjin’s confidence going in.

The quiz being multiple choice means that Hyunjin gets his score back on the spot: 85. His teacher doodles a smiley face inside the 8. “Great job!” she says when she hands him back the quiz.

Hyunjin gathers his things and bolts out of the room in record speed. He nearly bowls Seungmin over, who is waiting for him down by the front gates. Golden hour makes Seungmin’s eyes appear the warmest chocolate brown. In his excitement, Hyunjin pulls his boyfriend into a one-handed hug and plants a wet, smacking kiss on Seungmin's cheek. “Minnie! I did it! I got an 85!”

This makes Seungmin beam, rubbing the spot where Hyunjin’s lips leave behind a faint impression from the remnants of his chapstick. “I knew you could do it.”

“Can you tutor me in Literature next?”

“Whatever you need,” Seungmin says easily and holds so much fondness in his face. Fondness for Hyunjin, directed at Hyunjin, unobscured and plain to see. It triggers his heart to grow and expand inside of his chest; a buoyancy that makes Hyunjin feel liable to float up, up, and away.

“Thank you, Seungmin.” He pushes every ounce of sincerity into those words.

Seungmin reaches for something in his bag. “I almost forgot. I got you a reward.”

“A reward?” he echoes. “How? There’s no way you could have known I was gonna pass the quiz.”

“Because I’m a godly tutor,” Seungmin grins. “It also doubled as a consolation gift in the event that you failed.”

Hyunjin punches him playfully in the shoulder. “Your faith in me is staggering.”

Seungmin unzips the front pocket and retrieves from its depth two safety pins and a red iron-on patch. Hyunjin notes the sharpied initials KSM written inside of the heart-shaped patch.

“I was thinking about what you told me the other day,” Seungmin mumbles, too focused on carefully pinning the patch into place to meet Hyunjin’s gaze. His fingers are gentle, pinching the fabric of the cotton spandex sling and piercing through it with the needle tip, clasping the heart near the inside of Hyunjin’s wrist. He’s curious if Seungmin chose that spot deliberately, unseen unless Hyunjin intentionally lifts his arm, but otherwise nestled into Hyunjin’s side, quietly absorbing Hyunjin’s warmth. Seungmin smiles when he finishes and takes a step back to inspect his work. “I know I’m no Choi Yena, but I hope to be the next best thing.”

Hyunjin feels overwhelmed with emotions he cannot name, has never felt before or so intensely; a deadly concoction of feelings akin to fondness and affection and nervous anticipation. Side effects include: loss of speech, a rapidly beating heart, body temperatures rising high enough to boil the blood inside of his veins, and dopamine production at levels that could rival toys being made in the North Pole during Christmas time.

“Do you like it?” Seungmin asks. Hyunjin hasn’t moved or said anything in over a minute now and it’s starting to get awkward. He doesn’t know how to tell Seungmin that this is better. Infinitely so. The words get stuck inside of his throat.

He presses his fingers against the heart. Hyunjin traces Seungmin’s initials. “What’s the point of an iron-on patch if you’re just going to pin it?”

Seungmin averts his gaze. “I was just thinking that, since you’re getting your sling removed soon, you could transfer it onto something more permanent.”

“How very practical of you.”

“I was actually trying to be romantic,” Seungmin pouts. “Aren’t you feeling romanced?”

Hyunjin giggles and gently tweaks Seungmin’s nose. “Yes, Minne. I am.”

♡

On Saturday, one week past the start of their ill-fated relationship, Seungmin invites Hyunjin out on a real, proper date.

“Where are we going?” Hyunjin asks out of curiosity and also because he’s already planning out an outfit in his head. Jeongin bought a new button-down the other day that Hyunjin might ask to borrow and/or outright steal.

“A family friend of mine opened up a new café near Myeongdong. She’s doing a soft launch over the weekend and asked me to take a couple of promotional pictures in exchange for free food and drinks.”

“I didn’t know you did photography.”

“It’s just a hobby.”

“That’s cool. I’ve always wanted to try and do film,” Hyunjin shares. “It's supposed to make me a better artist by studying more references. Honestly, I just wanna tell people, ‘Oh sorry, I can’t hang out today, I’ve got to go and get this roll of film developed.’”

"Have you always been so pretentious?" Seungmin teases.

"Hello? You literally read books for pleasure?"

Seungmin agrees to pick him up at noon so Hyunjin spends all of Saturday morning rifling through Jeongin’s closet for something to wear. Hyunjin’s own wardrobe is mostly just oversized clothes better suited for dance practice than dressing to impress. Given Jeongin’s sudden growth spurt over the last year, they wear more or less the same size, plus Jeongin has a better eye for styling stuff anyways.

“You look good in anything, hyung.”

“Why does that sound less like a compliment and more like a complaint?”

Jeongin ignores him. “Why bother dressing up?” He pulls out a nicer t-shirt and dress shorts and hands them over to Hyunjin. “Unless this is supposed to be a last meal sort of thing before you break up with Seungmin-hyung after the date.”

“Am I the meal in this analogy?” he asks. “Actually, don’t answer that. And anyways, I’m not breaking up with Seungmin. He’s the one breaking up with me.” Hyunjin’s heart pinches at the thought. How weird, he thinks.

Jeongin rolls his eyes at Hyunjin in the mirror. “Because that’s somehow gonna make it less weird when you make a move on Lix-hyung later on.”

Hyunjin sighs. “Why are you being extra judgey this morning?” Jeongin’s been extra judgey all week. Hyunjin’s been the unceasing recipient of his best friend’s side eye. It makes his skin prickle every time.

“If I’m being extra judgey, it’s only because you’re being extra dumb.”

“Just spit it out already,” Hyunjin grumbles. “What do you really want to say to me?” He sets down the hangers of clothes and takes a seat on the edge of Jeongin’s bed.

Jeongin folds his arms across his chest and leans back in his desk chair. Quite seriously, he says, “I think you should tell Seungmin-hyung the truth. Before it’s too late.”

“It’s already too late,” Hyunjin points out. “I should have told him last Friday.”

“Well you weren’t in love with him last Friday,” Jeongin tells him matter-of-factly.

“I’m not – what?” Hyunjin sputters, bewildered. He blinks rapidly in confusion.

“Okay, maybe it’s not love. Not yet. But you clearly like him a lot. Jisung-hyung and I are entitled to financial compensation every time you tell us a story that starts off with, ‘Minnie said the funniest thing yesterday!’ and giggle while twirling your hair around your finger.”

“I do not giggle and twirl my hair! We’re just friends,” Hyunjin insists, mortified and burning warm beneath his collar. “I don’t like Seungmin like that. If anything, it’s just a case of me getting swept up in the fact that this is my first real relationship. I’d act like this with anyone.”

“Say that I believe you –- which I don’t, by the way –- but say that I did. Don’t you think you owe it to Seungmin-hyung, as a friend, to tell him the truth? Because the longer you put it off, the harder it’ll be to forgive. Isn’t it better to start over with a clean slate than to tear down a house you built atop a shaky foundation?”

Truthfully, the thought of confessing has crossed Hyunjin’s mind a thousand times. He’s come close to coming clean every single time. “But what if I tell him now, sooner rather than later, and he still doesn’t forgive me?” Hyunjin murmurs. What if he’s already crossed the point of no return and it’s just a matter of prolonging the inevitable? “I’d rather make happy memories now, to look back on in the future, if I can’t keep Seungmin with me forever.”

Jeongin’s mouth twists in disapproval but he’s not completely unsympathetic towards Hyunjin’s point of view. He uncrosses his arms and relaxes his posture completely. “I still think you’re being dumb,” Jeongin replies. “But I won’t bring it up again. Do whatever you think is best.”

Hyunjin has no idea what’s best. He didn’t really expect for things to progress this far in the first place or that he and Seungmin would get along so well. The two of them are polar opposites in a lot of regards but Seungmin is so patient, so tolerant and good-humored about everything. Hyunjin can’t help but want to show Seungmin his good side. He tries to curb a lot of his more unsavory personality traits, if not improve upon them. He wants to be a better person because of Seungmin, to be someone worthy of calling him a friend and boyfriend, for as long as Seungmin will have him.

“What are you thinking about?” Seungmin asks as they’re trekking towards the subway station. Hyunjin had left Jeongin’s apartment with both a new outfit and a heavy heart and mind. The dilemma weighs heavily on Hyunjin’s conscience.

He answers truthfully, “You.”

Seungmin raises both eyebrows in response. They almost disappear into his hairline. “And you accuse me of being the one full of pick-up lines?”

“Because you are, you flirt.”

“I don’t know the first thing about flirting!” Seungmin laughs, a series of enunciated ha, ha, ha’s. It has quickly become one of Hyunjin’s favorite sounds.

“That! That, right there?” Hyunjin points an accusatory finger at his boyfriend. “That’s flirting.”

“What? My laughter?”

Hyunjin nods. “And when you make eye contact with me, that’s flirting too.”

“Jinnie–”

“That nickname! That’s flirting! More than that, it’s foul play.”

“But you started it!” Seungmin enthuses, wrapping a hand around the finger Hyunjin’s been waving in his face for emphasis. He smoothly brings it down towards his side, adjusting his grasp so that his fingers slip through the gaps between Hyunjin’s own, and now they’re suddenly holding hands. Seungmin squeezes their palms together. “You flirt with me, too.”

Hyunjin doesn’t consider himself someone who flusters easily but either Seungmin’s got mad game or Hyunjin is particularly weak against his advances. Both are disquieting notions.

“You’re a menace,” he says.

The station is crowded, as is expected for a Saturday afternoon. Seungmin finally lets go of his hand to fill up the balance on his transit card. Hyunjin hovers behind him as Seungmin feeds money into the machine and trails a half step back when Seungmin finishes and they make their way past the turnstiles and down stairs onto the platform. He’s a little disappointed that Seungmin doesn’t make another attempt to hold hands again. His own feels rather naked and lonely by comparison.

Hyunjin’s pouting –- he can feel it in the downturn of his mouth, the fullness of his lower lip jutting out past the tip of his nose when Hyunjin looks down. He fixes his face.

I want to hold Seungmin’s hand.

If only it were so simple.

Hyunjin practices a more passive approach. He knows he could always take the initiative of reaching out first but doesn’t. He could do a lot of things first but won’t.

It’s for the best, he thinks. In the back of his head is a voice, a constant reminder that he shouldn’t be encouraging Seungmin or their relationship any further, that he still likes Felix. Felix is the one you should want to hold hands with, to go on dates with, to share your passing thoughts and laughter with.

What does it mean that a pit opens up at the bottom of Hyunjin’s stomach when he tries to replace Seungmin’s face with Felix’s in his imagination? When Felix’s brightness isn’t enough to illuminate the point where the chasm finally ends?

Regardless, Hyunjin can’t picture himself doing or saying a lot of the things he does with Seungmin except with Felix instead, mostly because Hyunjin doesn’t know how to act around Felix. His crush on the blonde boy makes him so nervous, Hyunjin finds it impossible to relax and be himself. He’s become more comfortable with Seungmin over the span of a week than he has with Felix over the course of two years.

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin calls as the subway pulls up and Hyunjin hasn’t made any moves towards it. The people around him surge forward and through the open doors while Seungmin waits patiently for Hyunjin to catch up.

Inside, the car is packed like a can of sardines but they manage to snag a spot near a pole. Hyunjin holds on tightly as the train starts to accelerate and almost throws him off balance. Random hands shoot out to grab ahold of the pole as well. Inching closer, Seungmin quietly links his thumb with Hyunjin’s pinky, hands overlapping as other strangers fight for surface area to keep steady. Seungmin smiles at him softly.

The voice in Hyunjin’s head grows quieter before fading into nothing at all.

♡

The café near Myeongdong is magical forest themed, very cute but just another glorified Instagram trap that also happens to sell coffee. Hyunjin takes a seat in a chair that looks like a mushroom at a table shaped like a log. Fairy lights are strewn throughout fake branches and leaves, the plastic foliage woven into a grid that floats above his head while the sounds of a babbling brook filter in through the speakers. The choice of ambient noise oscillates between putting Hyunjin to sleep and making him feel like he has to pee.

“Seunminnie,” a voice greets them, low and melodious. A woman who Hyunjin assumes to be the family friend Seungmin was telling him about ducks out from behind the coffee counter, a circular set up in the middle of the room that also encases a giant tree trunk. One of the man-made knots is large enough to house a stuffed barn owl with round, moon-like eyes.

“Jamie-noona. Hello.”

Hyunjin giggles because neither of them seem to be the hugging type. Seungmin bows slightly and Jamie pats him awkwardly on the shoulder. Despite this, they seem close.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” she says. Her lips don’t move but her eyes do, almost twinkling. They’re the most expressive feature on her face.

Seungmin nods and says, “Congratulations on your soft opening.”

“Congratulations on your hot boyfriend,” Jamie returns.

She turns her sharp-eyed gaze onto Hyunjin, acknowledging his presence at last. He tries not to shrink beneath the attention. “Hello,” he says. “I’m Hyunjin.”

Jamie peers at him as if she were observing a painting in a museum and gets up close to appreciate the finer details. “I could already tell from the pictures that you were handsome, but how is it possible for someone to look like they’ve got a filter on them in real life?”

“Pictures?” Hyunjin echoes. “What pictures?”

“Noona, don’t.”

Jamie cracks a smile that crinkles the corners of her eyes. “The tragic ones that Seungminnie showed me after I saw that goofy look on his face, the one that always means that there’s a boy involved.”

“You take pictures of me?”

Seungmin, flustered, opens his mouth to respond. Jamie does it for him. She tilts her head closer in conspiration. “He does it secretly. You’re never looking at the camera in any of the shots or otherwise are kind of blurry around the edges. Like an apparition Seungminnie somehow managed to catch.”

“I take a lot of mundane pictures of my day. You happen to be in some of them,” Seungmin explains to Hyunjin directly.

“There is nothing mundane about your boyfriend, baby.”

“Can I see them?” Hyunjin asks. He’s noticed Seungmin taking pictures of things before on his phone. More than once on their walks to and from school, Seungmin has made them pause by the side of the road because he likes the way the sunlight hits a park bench or he sees a particularly interesting shadow. Not once has Hyunjin ever caught Seungmin’s phone camera directed at him.

“They’re nothing special,” Seungmin prefaces, reaching into his back pocket to retrieve his phone. He pulls up his gallery and hands the device over to Hyunjin.

There’s something endearingly boring about the photos he finds. Hyunjin isn’t artfully posed, the background isn’t breathtaking, and he’s not doing anything super interesting in any of the shots. There’s one of Hyunjin face-first in a textbook at his desk, fast asleep; at the convenience store trying to decide between banana and strawberry milk to wash down his snack, one finger crooked and tapping against his chin in careful consideration; Hyunjin, bent over and being licked to death by a legion of tiny Malteses they crossed paths with on the way home. Quiet moments that all but scream domesticity, that have not yet made an appearance on Seungmin’s instagram page because he has thus far taken and kept all of these picutres secretly to himself.

The little heart at the bottom of his iPhone indicates that Seungmin has marked these photos of Hyunjin as his favorites.

Hyunjin’s heart beats faster inside of his chest.

Jamie asks, “There’s something charming about Seungmin’s point of view, isn’t there?”

He nods, reluctant to hand Seungmin back his phone because what if their fingers brush and Seungmin can feel Hyunjin’s pulse thrumming beneath the surface? It feels like every inch of his body is radioactive, liable to burn up and disintegrate. It feels like running a marathon.

It feels like Hyunjin’s just been confessed to.

Seungmin slips his phone out of Hyunjin’s grasp without making physical contact and turns to address Jamie, face aflame. He asks, “Is there anything in particular you want me to take pictures of?” and taps the Canon camera hanging on by a strap around his neck.

“Whatever catches your eye. The more obvious attractions like the tree trunk behind the counter are going to generate enough content on their own from new customers, but I’m more interested in seeing the subtler things. Oh, and better pictures of your boyfriend.”

“Noona!” Seungmin admonishes.

“I’m not trying to tease you, I swear. I just think pictures of Hyunjinnie at my cafe, enjoying a nice cup of coffee and some cheesecake, is the kind of thing that would get people to come flocking, either because they want to recreate the shot or to come looking for a Hyunjinnie of their own. But only, of course, if it’s okay with you?” She addresses the question to Hyunjin, equal parts sincere but also very confident that Hyunjin’s going to say yes.

Rightfully so, Hyunjin thinks. He finds it very difficult to say no to someone like Jamie.

Seungmin asks him, “Are you sure?”

“Always happy to help,” Hyunjin responds. “But a little extra incentive never hurts.”

Jamie doesn’t take more than a few seconds to think of an equivocal trade. “I have a ton of embarrassing photos of Seungminnie growing up.”

“Oh my god, DEAL.”

♡

At the end of the date, before parting ways in front of Hyunjin’s apartment building, Seungmin asks if he can kiss him.

Hyunjin’s first initial instinct is to say yes –- so are his second, third, and fourth. He wants Seungmin to kiss him so bad. But then the voice in the back of his head kicks in again. You can’t – he can’t.

Hyunjin should say no. Seungmin wouldn’t pressure him or question him if he said no. Only the thing is, Hyunjin really, really wants to say yes.

So he compromises.

“On the cheek?” he whispers quietly. He hopes Seungmin interprets it as Hyunjin being shy.

“Can I kiss you on the cheek?” Seungmin clarifies without missing a beat. He doesn’t look disappointed at the prospect. There’s still so much hope and apprehension in his eyes. Seungmin has such lovely eyes.

Hyunjin tells him, “Yes.”

Seungmin takes one step closer and then another, leading with his chin. Hyunjin feels a hand settling on his hip, warm and clammy even though the cotton layer of his t-shirt. Seungmin is nervous. Seungmin smells like fabric softener and Jeju tangerines.

The kiss lasts less than a second, a there-and-gone-again peck against the apple of Hyunjin’s face. He wishes Seungmin had aimed for his cheekbone at least; there’s less fat there so Hyunjin would be able to fully feel the kiss, to feel the subtle pressure behind the pucker of Seungmin’s lips.

It feels somewhat dissatisfying. Hyunjin’s heart pounds nonetheless.

“On the mouth,” he says.

“What?” Seungmin sounds dazed.

Hyunjin flushes, “You can kiss me on the mouth as well.”

It’s fine, Hyunjin compromises again. It’s fine as long as Hyunjin doesn’t kiss him back.

This is easier said and done when Seungmin closes the rest of the gap between them and his lips are perhaps the softest things that Hyunjin’s ever felt before in his life. There’s little technique beyond the gentle press of mouth to mouth –- this is both his and Seungmin’s first kiss –- but it’s perfect. Hyunjin closes his eyes and leans into the sensation.

Seungmin shifts slightly and reapplies pressure again. The hand resting against Hyunjin’s hip snakes all the way around his waist and rests against the small of his back, pulling Hyunjin even closer than before. The proximity makes Hyunjin lightheaded. Or is it because he still hasn’t taken a breath?

Is this what bliss feels like? He wonders.

Hyunjin once read that lips were 100 times more sensitive than fingertips because they’re composed of over a million different nerve endings. How is Hyunjin supposed to stay still in the face of such sensory overload? One could argue that it’s scientifically impossible. Hyunjin’s not an idiot. He’s not going to argue with science.

So of course he kisses back.

♡

It is easy to forget, over the course of weeks and months, the reason why Hyunjin kept his distance in the beginning. Not that he did a very good job of it, admittedly, but at least there was an attempt. Now, Hyunjin just allows his and Seungmin’s relationship to chart its own course, both of his hands off the steering wheel, and watching as it careens closer and closer past the point of no return.

Not even Felix’s return to school does much to deter Hyunjin’s growing attachment towards Seungmin, although there’s always going to be a certain regard Hyunjin holds for the blonde, freckled boy. After all, Hyunjin’s liked Felix for two years –- basically all of high school –- and he still sees Felix fairly often given that they’re on the dance team together.

Hyunjin is, by default, someone who has a lot of feelings and all of those feelings he’s nurtured, to the point of writing Felix a love letter, don’t just disappear overnight. They linger, ever-present, in the background of his consciousness. He feels them like one would feel the aftershocks of an earthquake.

“I’ve missed human interaction so much,” Felix fake sobs over lunch on the Monday he comes back.

“But at what cost?” Jisung asks. “Trying to remember whatever the fuck a SOHCAHTOA is? I’d rather be bedridden.”

“That implies you wouldn’t willingly choose to spend your whole life horizontal,” Hyunjin replies. “I bet your bed is covered in chip crumbs.”

“Of course. It’s like a snack I’m saving for later.”

“You’re disgusting.”

Hyunjin turns towards Felix and says, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Guileless and inoffensive. It is a nice, neutral platitude that Felix has heard all day and that Hyunjin would have said to anyone in the other boy's position. Hyunjin still feels weirdly guilty about it though.

He thinks he imagines the slight pause in Seungmin’s chopsticks as he’s reaching for an omelet roll.

Felix beams at him and says, “Thanks.”

Hyunjin’s heart doesn’t skip a beat like it might have two weeks ago, but he still blushes a little.

Felix’s return is also accompanied by a shift in the routine that Hyunjin and Seungmin have established. Daehwi can’t cover for Seungmin forever and Hyunjin gets cleared to start dancing again. It would be so natural if they were to slowly drift apart, but they adapt and accommodate for each other instead. When he and Seungmin meet up, it’s because they’re making a concerted effort to.

Also, Hyunjin thinks he might die if he doesn’t kiss Seungmin at least once a day. He’s already sulky going without two.

It’s an obsession that borders on addiction.

Hyunjin likes and craves every variation of a kiss, ranging from lightning-fast pecks in the hallway because Jisung threatens violence whenever he’s exposed to PDA, to languid makeout sessions in Hyunjin’s bedroom as a reward for finishing his homework. It awakens a possessive side in Hyunjin to know that everything they do is as each other’s First and the way Seungmin kisses, having developed certain techniques that are a far cry from just touching lips, is literally tailor-made to drive Hyunjin insane.

In turn, Hyunjin pours out parts himself when they’re kissing in lieu of telling Seungmin, “I like you.”

He wants to tell Seungmin, he really does. Some days, it feels like the words might burst out of his chest, but there’s a mental block there. Hyunjin doesn’t want the first time he says it to be under false pretenses but he also can’t bring himself to tell Seungmin the truth about the love letter, especially one meant for his best friend. He can’t tell Seungmin that their entire relationship started because of a mistake that was then solidified by a lie.

But then Seungmin texts him one morning in June:

KSM ♥: Happy 100 Days!
KSM ♥: I have to finish up some club activities during lunch so I won’t see you until after school ㅠㅠ
KSM ♥: With you, I was happy for 100 days,
KSM ♥: Let’s be together for 100 years!

And suddenly, Hyunjin can’t do it anymore. He can’t be with Seungmin for 100 years and still keep mum about the letter. It would eat him up inside. And beyond that, Seungmin deserves better; even if that better doesn’t involve him.

Hyunjin resolves to tell Seungmin . . . tomorrow.

He doesn’t want to ruin their anniversary when he’s already kicked his mom out of the house for dinner tonight and Seungmin seems so excited and happy to be celebrating 100 days as a couple. Hyunjin, too, wants to celebrate the special milestone since it could very well be the last one they’ll reach after he tells Seungmin the truth.

Nothing, however, goes according to plan.

They don't even make it through dinner before everything falls apart. He and Seungmin are trying to craft paper flowers for a DIY centerpiece while waiting for their food to get delivered. Hyunjin's shredding up construction paper to make peonies and Seungmin is putting the finishing touches on a bundle of roses and a sprig of baby’s breath.

"Do you have a glue stick?" Seungmin asks.

"Yeah," Hyunjin says, almost done, being careful not to cut up his own fingers in the process. "Upstairs in my bedroom. It's in the bottom left drawer of my desk. I keep all my art and stationary stuff in there. Can you grab some more construction paper, too?"

"Sure."

Seungmin drops a kiss on the crown of Hyunjin's head before heading up.

Hyunjin gets halfway through a second stem and starts wondering what's the hold up. What's taking Seungmin so long?

There's a growing sense of dread he can't explain as Hyunjin ascends the stairs. The hallway outside of his bedroom is dark and the silence around him, save for the sound of Hyunjin's footfall, is pervasive and eerie.

He pushes open his door and steps inside, a question bubbling on his tongue before it shrivels up and dies upon seeing Seungmin's back while seated at his desk, hunched over and reading through a stack of familiar cream parchment paper.

In Seungmin's hands are the dozens of drafts Hyunjin wrote and discarded.

All addressed Dear Felix, Dear Lixie, Dear Angel, and one or two drafts with what Hyunjin ultimately decided on : Dear You. He stupidly thought he was being poetic.

Seungmin turns around to face him.

A million different thoughts are racing through Hyunjin's head. Starters and apologies aborted before he can shape them into syllables. What's the right thing to say in a situation like this?

"You weren't supposed to find out this way."

Definitely not that. Hyunjin curses his talent to always say the absolute worst thing.

Seungmin looks down and then up from the pile of letters. His expression is pinched -– pained. "Was I supposed to find out at all? Or were you going to keep me in the dark the whole time?"

"I was going to tell you tomorrow, I swear! I just didn't want to ruin our 100 Day celebration."

"What difference does it make?”

"Minnie–"

"Don't," Seungmin warns. It’s bad because he doesn’t raise his voice or rightfully curse Hyunjin out; Seungmin’s fingers don’t twitch with the need to grab hold of the nearest object and smash it into smithereens. He just sits perfectly still, perfectly calm, perfectly blank.

Worse, he feels like the Seungmin of before, robotic and bland. He holds himself at a distance, as stiff as a corpse buried six feet under the ground. He doesn’t look at Hyunjin with adoration in his eyes. He isn’t looking at Hyunjin at all, but rather looking past him. Through him.

Here, they are two strangers again.

“Seungmin, say something,” Hyunjin begs when the silence becomes too much, too weighted, too stifling.

“Like what?”

He explodes, “That you hate me. That I’m a bad person for stringing you along. That you never want to see me again.”

“Even if none of those things are true?” Seungmin asks. His voice cracks but he deftly forges on. “I don’t hate you and you’re not a bad person and I still want to see you. I want to see you tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. I want to see you even though it’s painful.”

It almost sounds like forgiveness. Hyunjin dares to hope and then–-

“--but I don’t want to be with you. Not anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin says, willing himself to hold it together for the apology at least. Seungmin always gets soft-hearted whenever Hyunjin cries and is accustomed to kissing him better. Hyunjin doesn’t have the right to cry or to feel hurt when he’s the one who’s causing the most hurt to someone he loves. Hyunjin loves Seungmin. What a shitty time to find out.

“I should have told you that day but I didn’t. I should have told you at some point leading up to our 100 days together, but I didn’t. And I’m so, so sorry for that.”

“Why didn’t you?” Seungmin asks, quiet but filled with a firm resolve. He wants the whole truth and nothing less, even if it’s painful. Hyunjin should have known that he is so much stronger than Hyunjin gives him credit for, that Seungmin can handle anything. Hindsight is 20/20.

“This isn’t a line,” Hyunjin prefaces. “But it’s because I’m weak against your smile. You were smiling so big that day, Minnie. The kind of smile you sometimes hide behind your hands because you’re self-conscious about your teeth but you were so happy about the love letter, about being confessed to for the first time, that you weren’t even thinking about it. I love that smile. I wanted to protect it. It’s both a reason and an excuse.”

Seungmin narrows his eyes. “So what? You were just going to date someone you didn’t even like for the rest of forever? Until the well of pity ran dry and you finally got bored of me? When were you going to draw the line?”

“I thought you were gonna get bored of me first.” Hyunjin runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “Most people do. Most people can’t see past my looks. And the two of us are such different people, I had just assumed we would be incompatible. I figured we would break up after a week or so and move on as friends, if not cordial exes. No harm, no foul.”

“And Felix?”

“...What about him?”

“Do you like him? Did you like him the entire time we were dating?” Seungmin’s hands are clenched into fists by his side. His gaze is trained at some random corner of Hyunjin’s room.

“It’s complicated,” he says.

“Hyunjin, we’re only eighteen. How complicated could it really be?”

He opens his mouth to say something and then closes it. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing again. What if he makes this whole thing worse because he can’t properly convey his feelings?

Seugmin takes his silence as a response. “I guess I always kind of knew. You’re not exactly subtle. You never looked twice at me if Felix was in the room and then not at all if he wasn’t.”

“You can ask him out, if you want. You have my blessing. Not that you need it. I don’t have any claim on you.” Seungmin chuckles bitterly before letting himself out. He doesn’t look back. “I guess I never really did.”

♡

It doesn’t feel like a break up. Not really. Not when Felix still joins them for lunch every day, seemingly none the wiser since Seungmin is usually busy with club activities and is also putting in extra study hours since finals are right around the corner.

“If anything, it was weirder that he gave himself any free time at all, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re disgustingly in love, isn’t it?” Felix waggles his eyebrows in Hyunjin’s direction. Evidently, Seungmin hasn’t told his best friend what had happened quite yet.

Hyunjin’s secretly relieved. There was such a finality to the way Seungmin had left that day that had Hyunjin convinced it was over. Instead of putting the final nail in the coffin, the two of them are dragging their feet. Seungmin hasn’t said anything so neither will Hyunjin. Jeongin probably senses that something’s happened between them but reluctantly sticks to his promise of not bringing the subject up.

Days pass and the longer Seungmin remains silent, the more Hyunjin starts to hope. He technically can’t move on until Seungmin tells Felix that it’s over. Hyunjin wants to believe that this is Seungmin’s subconscious way of hanging on. Maybe, somewhere deep down, Seungmin is even open to taking him back. Ultimately though, that is up to Seungmin to decide.

Unfortunately, Seungmin is avoiding him like the plague and ignoring all of Hyunjin’s texts and calls. After the fifty millionth attempt at contacting him, instead of blocking Hyunjin’s number outright, Seungmin has the grace to text him to ask for space –- even if blocking him is what Hyunjin deserves. Seungmin doesn’t even head in the same direction anymore on the walk home from school. He must take a super circuitous route to avoid running into Hyunjin.

This weird state of limbo continues until one day, after dance practice, Felix approaches him with a frown. “Why did I get a text from Seungmin asking me to take you out on a date tomorrow?”

Hyunjin’s heart drops all the way down to ankles. “He did that?”

Felix brandishes his phone in Hyunjin’s face. Two messages stare back at him, the first one being the request. The second message is a single word: Please.

“What’s going on?”

Is it finally over then? Hyunjin feels crummy at the thought. Whatever tenuous thread he’s been hanging onto has officially been cut loose. Hyunjin wants to sink down and become one with the ground. Later, the custodial staff will roll through and ask him to move, but they’ll see how miserable he is and settle for mopping the area around him.

He feels even worse when Seungmin texts him not two seconds later.

KSM ♥: Have fun.

“Is he mocking me?” Hyunjin grumbles, willing the words to rearrange themselves into anything else.

“Hyunjin!” Felix snaps.

Something inside of him hardens. “Do you want to go on a date with me tomorrow?”

“What?”

“A date. Tomorrow. With me. Is there anywhere in particular you wanna go?” Hyunjin sullenly pockets his phone.

Felix stomps his foot. His Nike sneaker squeaks against the polished hardwood floor. “Hyunjin, stop being weird and tell me what’s up with you and Seungmin?”

“We broke up and now he wants you to be my rebound.” Hyunjin knows he’s not being fair. He knows it. But he’s also hurting and it’s clouding his ability to acknowledge his own faults. Isn’t this what you wanted? He imagines Seungmin asking. Maybe earnestly and with the best intentions, but to Hyunjin, it only feels cruel. Seungmin's being cruel.

“You two broke up?” Felix blinks.

“Looks like it,” Hyunjin mumbles.

“And Seungmin’s asking me to be the one to take you out . . . because?”

Hyunjin doesn’t feel embarrassed to admit that, “You were the one who was supposed to get the love letter that day. I must’ve gotten your lockers mixed up in my nervousness. I thought I heard people coming and didn’t want to get caught.”

“You liked me?”

“For a while, yeah.”

“Do you like me still?”

Hyunjin goes with his default answer, “It’s complicated.”

“Okay.”

“Okay . . . ?”

“Okay, I’ll go on a date with you tomorrow.” Felix smiles. “Pick me up at noon. I’ll help you uncomplicate things.”

♡

Hyunjin throws on a t-shirt and jeans and meets Felix in front of his apartment building in Okcheon. Getting there is kind of a hassle since it’s just far enough to discourage walking but there also isn’t a direct bus route so he’s forced to transfer at a stop in between. His hands are sweaty when he arrives but Hyunjin’s not sure if it’s from the summer heat and rushing to get here on time or because of his nerves.

Felix is waiting for him on the front steps of his apartment building and brightens when he sees Hyunjin rounding the corner. He starts waving excitedly when Hyunjin is halfway down the block.

Hyunjin waves back, somewhat awkwardly. He has no idea what’s in store for him because Felix said he would take care of all the planning. Hyunjin’s thankful because despite all of the time he’s spent fantasizing about what it would be like to be dating Felix, he’s never actually stopped to consider the logistics of actually dating him. Where they would go, what they would do, the things they would talk about, etc.

“Are you ready?” Felix asks.

“Um, sure?” Hyunjin hates that his response comes off sounding like a question.

As it turns out, Felix’s conception of a date isn’t that far off from what he and Seungmin would do. The first place they go to is a nearby café. Without thinking, Hyunjin orders his and Seungmin’s usual drink before Felix has to chime in and say, “Actually, instead of that second iced Americano, can I get a caramel brulee latte instead?”

“Oh. S-sorry,” Hyunjin stutters. He starts to clarify and then realizes that it would be in poor form to bring up the fact that he momentarily forgot Felix was there, “It’s just that – sorry.”

“It’s okay. Force of habit, right?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin admits quietly.

They grab their drinks and head towards the patio area outside, grabbing a table closest to the railing that separates the café area from the quaint, tree-lined street. There’s enough foot traffic passing by that Hyunjin reverts to people watching when conversation with Felix wanes.

There’s nothing inherently terrible about the date. Felix is, as he always is, incredibly lovely. He asks Hyunjin questions about himself, listens well, and gives good reactions to things. Hyunjin still gets flustered when their hands brush as Felix passes him his phone to show Hyunjin his collection of photos taken at Bondi Beach. Hyunjin still thinks Felix is one of the cutest boys in the whole wide world. He is, objectively, having a Good Time.

But Hyunjin is hanging out with Felix on a long-awaited date when he finally realizes that this is not what he wants at all.

Not when all he can think about is Seungmin.

“It’s not the same, is it?” Felix asks when he catches Hyunjin checking an Instagram notification about a new post from Jamie’s café account. She’s been steadily rolling out content since the official launch of her business although this is not one of the photos that Seungmin took for promotion material during their first date. “Being with me versus being with Seungminnie.”

Hyunjin can’t tear his eyes away from his screen. When did Jamie take this? He and Seungmin are seated and spitting a plate of cheesecake, legs tangled beneath the table barely big enough for two. Seungmin is feeding Hyunjin a bite of cheesecake even though his arm is mostly healed and Hyunjin is more than capable of feeding himself. Food just tastes better when Seungmin is the one feeding it to him in Hyunjin’s opinion. In the photo, his eyes are all the way shut, curved like crescents, while his mouth hangs wide open. Jamie captions the post, I reserve the right to kick anyone out of my café who makes me feel as single as these two do.

Throughout the course of their relationship, he and Seungmin had never taken any photos together; unbelievable considering their galleries are filled with photos of each other, but not one where they occupy the same frame. Something about taking photos together felt too permanent for Hyunjin to allow and subconsciously, Seungmin probably picked up on this hesitancy as well. Plus, they spent so much time together it didn’t really matter.

Hyunjin didn’t have anything to look back on when things ended or to cathartically delete as a metaphor for deleting Seungmin out of his life. They always existed in some nebulous state of in-between, unable to move forward because they were continually tethered to Hyunjin’s lie.

“Did this date uncomplicate things for you?”

Hyunjin, feeling truly light for the first time in a while, who looks at Felix and sees only a friend and nothing else, answers, “Yes.”

♡

Hyunjin’s not good with words but he tries. He writes dozens of letters and abandons dozens more. His hand cramps and Hyunjin worries about reaggravating his earlier injury, but continues scribbling away the second the pain even marginally subsides. He thinks the sentences come to him easier because they’re all written from the heart. He stops caring as much about making everything perfect and focuses more of his efforts on making sure everything is sincere. That Seungmin knows he’s bled every ounce of his sentiment into the ink that marks the page.

Each letter starts the same:

Dear You,

He doesn’t write Seungmin’s name, not in an attempt to be poetic this time, but because his letters are so specific they can’t be mistaken to be written for anyone else. To Hyunjin, there is only Seungmin. No one else can ever compare.

Hyunjin fills Seungmin’s locker with letters. A letter a day, like clockwork.

One would think Hyunjin would have run out of things to say after a while, but he doesn’t. One would also think Hyunjin’s writing letters for a lost cause, but he isn’t.

Felix tells him in confidence, “He keeps all of them in a folder in his backpack. He spends a lot of time pretending to rifle through the bottom of it looking for something. Really, he just likes running his finger along the edges of the envelopes.”

So Hyunjin persists. He imagines Seungmin’s defenses weakening by the day.

He’s dropping off his 22nd love letter when Seungmin catches him in the act.

“How long are you going to keep doing this?” Seungmin asks, watching as Hyunjin yelps in surprise and his letter folds up against the vents of the locker. The wrinkles that form on the surface are reminiscent of that first one. The first letter that started it all.

“I’ll confess to you every day until you take me back and then every day after that, for good measure. Or whenever you tell me to stop.” Hyunjin frowns and takes a step away from the locker. He turns to face Seungmin. “Are you here to tell me to stop?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“. . . No.”

Hyunjin’s whole body starts vibrating. He is itching with the need to reach out and fold Seungmin into his arms. “If I asked to hold you right now, would you say no?”

Seungmin blushes but doesn’t respond.

“Please, Minnie? Just for a second?”

“. . . Okay.” Seungmin nods.

Hyunjin has to physically restrain himself from tackling the other boy. He starts off slow, fingers clutching at the hem of Seungmin’s shirt, pulling Seungmin closer. His chin finds a home in the crook of Seungmin’s neck, breathing in his scent, nosing at a spot just below Seungmin’s ear. Seungmin stiffens at first at the contact before he gradually relaxes. Hyunjin winds his arms around the small of Seungmin’s waist. He doesn’t squeeze Seungmin tightly even though he desperately wants to. His hold is loose enough for Seungmin to easily break free.

“I miss you,” Hyunjin says after several seconds elapse and Seungmin makes no moves to disentangle himself.

Hyunjin steps back first because Seungmin’s proximity is making him dizzy and he needs a clear head for what he’s about to say. He squares his shoulders and takes a deep breath.

“I love you,” Hyunjin declares. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what it was and that I hurt you in the process of trying to figure it out. But I know now what you mean to me, which is everything. So let me be the first person to confess to you again. I love you, Kim Seungmin.”

The moment in between the end of Hyunjin’s speech and Seungmin closing the gap between them again feels like a lifetime. He hopes every kiss between them lasts a lifetime. He wants to spend several lifetimes with Seungmin.

Seungmin smiles against the curve of Hyunjin’s lips. “Do you love me more than you loved Choi Yena?”

“Okay, well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“I love you, too.”