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Rue couldn’t process it. She didn’t understand who she was hurting because it felt so good for her. Drugs were her remedy to the pain that was all around her. So the money she steals from her mom’s purse, or from Gia’s piggy bank, or from Lexi’s emergency stash to pay Fezco was worth it. It was worth it to feel that high.
It’s been years since her dad’s been dead and Rue obviously hasn’t been thriving. She didn’t try drugs because her dad died, it went beyond that. When he was on his deathbed, his room filled with opioids and perc 30, she had tried a few, and then a few more, and then a few more and it became a cycle until her dad laid limp on the bed, the last of life draining from his eyes.
Drugs had always been her most reliable comfort. At one point it was her dad, at another it was Lexi, but by fourteen it was drugs, and she was okay with that. So one Jules came into the picture and Rue’s entire breath drained from her and came back on cloud nine, just like drugs would do, she knew she was different.
Jules was quite literally her own drug. She was perfect. An entity, Rue didn’t even know if Jules was real. “She’s so perfect, maybe I conjured her up in my fucked up mind.” She thought one night as her hands were buried in between her legs with her mind only set on Jules.
The first time Rue’s lips brushed on Jules, it had been rushed and out of ignorance. Rue hadn’t thought, she had just gone for it. Which, now that she thought about it, she did a lot. But she never wanted to do that with Jules. It could happen with anyone else— but never Jules.
It was alright though, because Jules was Jules and she wasn’t turned off by the thought of Rue, moreover she was intrigued. Jules had her own personal girl. A girl who finally saw her as someone different and not a place on the feminine hierarchy that was formed in the prehistoric times. Rue saw Jules as an equal and that made her feel good.
Things were mildly alright between them until the stupid winter formal. Rue’s fucking fuckup mind came up with the idea to run away to the city with Jules. It was rushed and out of ignorance again and Rue swore she would never do something like that and she did.
Jules was on the train car and then suddenly the circuits in Rue’s mind connected and jolted on. “What the fuck am I doing?!” She thought. She let go of Jules hand and explained that she couldn’t go.
“I love you” played in Rue’s head. The three intimate words that Jules had muttered just to get Rue to go with her, but it didn’t work.
Fast forward to New Year’s Eve. Rue was high off her ass on any drug she could find. She was dropped off with Fez after a drug deal gone wrong. Fez said she was his family and that made her feel good, she was wanted even though she couldn’t remember her middle name. She was still wanted.
Rue knew Jules was at the party but she didn’t have any energy to find her. Between being told to strip to her clothes by a thirty year old drug lord and almost od’ing with a boy she met in the closet of said party, she just couldn’t move.
So Jules found Rue. Jules had ran into Fez asking where Rue was but he wouldn’t give any word. He told her to stay away for now. But Jules didn’t want to stay away, she couldn’t. Not when Rue was involved.
When she saw Rue, Jules’s entire heart dropped. Rue was higher than the moon. “When’d you relapse?” Jules asked after muttering her ex’s name. It was such a stupid question to ask, it wasn’t her business but she wanted it to be.
“When you left.” Rue didn’t hesitate. She didn’t give any remorse. She didn’t care. Drugs made her happy and she wanted Jules to know that.
Jules couldn’t breathe. Her worst nightmare was coming true. Rue relapsed because of her. Rue relied on her. Rue’s entire well-being was based off of her. She wanted to drown in vodka and her tears so she headed back into the party prepared to take a bottle from the cellar and drink as she walked home but Rue stopped her.
“I want to be with you.”
Rue’s tears ran down a patch of her acne. Jules turned around facing Rue, her heart ached but it lingered too and Jules was dying for Rue’s lips and Rue looked raw and real and their lips touched.
The kiss was like a Shakespeare story. Powerful and hopeful and tragic. They longed to strip right then and there on the lawn and kiss and please each other until they died. But they just kissed. They kissed as Fez beat Nate’s face in, as Lexi blushed from Fez’s flirting, as Cassie tear-stained face was in a mix of shock and fear.
They kissed like they were the only two people left on earth. And then and there Rue knew, she was still alive.