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Naruto poured some hot water into his cup of ramen and closed the lid with sleepy eyes. He carried the water boiler with him, and started pouring it into the coffee filter he’d put on top of Sasuke’s dark blue coffee cup. Sasuke watched him, sleep draping over his body like it always did on mornings like this.
There was something peaceful about watching Naruto get ready; something calming about his bad habit of waking up with nothing but instant ramen. Naruto had, he’d realised by now, something warm to him. He doubted Naruto himself realised it — god knew his friend had been robbed of a home for the longest time now — but his apartment had felt like a real home since Naruto had started living here.
He hadn’t been all too happy about it when it first happened, though. It had been Naruto’s last option. He had been sleeping on Sakura’s couch for a week or two before he finally dared to ask if he could crash in Sasuke’s spare room. It wasn’t that they weren’t close before… Sasuke had just tried to keep his distance a little bit. He realised now— that that might have been a good move.
There was no turning back now. Naruto was walking around in his big orange hoodie in Sasuke’s small kitchen, pouring water on top of some coffee, even though— even though Naruto didn’t drink coffee himself.
Naruto turned around. “Oh—” He was holding the coffee filter, and the leftover coffee dripped onto the floor. “Ah— shit—” Naruto dropped the filter into the sink, and then wiped the floor with his woollen sock. “I made you coffee!”
Naruto grinned brightly.
Sasuke hadn’t expected himself to be able to handle a smile like that in the early morning. He hadn’t expected to enjoy the smell of cheap ramen in his kitchen. He did. Fuck, it made this place so much more than it was — an apartment he’d started renting because he didn’t have much of a choice.
He sat down at the table as Naruto slid the cup of coffee towards him. “Thanks,” he said, his voice hoarse. He’d slept like shit once again, dreaming of his family. Sometimes, these days, he’d dream of Naruto too. He wished those dreams could be peaceful as these mornings, but in most of them, Naruto disappeared. He’d spent the night lost in darkness, calling out to no avail. It sucked.
At those times, he couldn’t wait until it was morning. Until he could walk into the kitchen only to watch Naruto eat breakfast, to see him watch videos on his phone, to hear him sing under his breath before he noticed that Sasuke had come in.
“Is it cool if I sit?” Naruto asked.
Sasuke nodded —wondering why Naruto would even bother asking —and took a sip of his coffee. It was slightly too strong, and he found himself enjoying it anyway.
Naruto sat down in front of him, slowly took the lid off his ramen, and stirred through the broth with a pair of old chopsticks. They ought to buy some new ones, though he was pretty sure Naruto didn’t mind these. Maybe they could buy some together. He’d like a set of more classic ones. Naruto would like the ones with colourful pictures on the end.
“Ah, Sasuke—” Naruto left his chopsticks in the plastic cup, looking up.
Sasuke glanced up over his cup of coffee. Only now he realised that, just maybe, Naruto was being more quiet than he usually was. He hadn’t asked Sasuke about how he’d slept, or about how the coffee tasted. He hadn’t asked who’d go grocery shopping today. He hadn’t mentioned what they were out of. He hadn’t even told him a random animal fact, or a boring story about another friend Sasuke couldn’t care less about. “Hm?”
Naruto stirred through his ramen another time.
Sasuke put his cup on the table, placed his hands around it carefully.
“I— I have a viewing later today. Nothing much, just for one room in a house with other people. Mainly students.”
A viewing? For a different place to live? He stared at Naruto, wondering if he was kidding. It didn’t seem that way. Naruto was dead serious about wanting to leave him.
No— no, not that— leave this. Leave eating breakfast together while they weren’t properly functioning yet, and still smelling like morning breath and cheap ramen seasoning.
“Of course, I don’t know if I’ll be the one they’ll pick. I’m pretty sure more people applied for the room, and you know how much it sucks to get an apartment these days.” Naruto rubbed his leg nervously. “Ah– but I’ve been looking at more rooms than just this one. I know that I’m kind of in your space here, so yeah.”
It was quiet for a little while.
He didn’t know what to make of that. Had he not been obvious about how Naruto made him feel safe? He remembered saying something about this being temporary, back when Naruto had first placed his bags in his room. Maybe he’d said worse things than that— he couldn’t remember.
“Sasuke?”
How do you explain not feeling at home in your own home? How the fuck do you tell someone that they barged into your life, and became your home? How do you ask someone to please, please stay because you’ve grown attached to the way they smell while making breakfast?
“I know that I can be quite a lot— I’m sorry if I took too long looking for another place, I just— I felt really at home here, and you did make me feel welcome even though I came uninvited. I’m sorry if I overstepped with all the— I don’t know— singing, and stuff.”
The singing? “Naruto–”
Naruto stopped talking, finally, and looked up from his noodles.
“You don’t bother me by being here. I didn’t expect you to leave.”
Naruto went slightly wide eyed. “Ah, it’s just that you said–”
“I know.”
“Yeah, yeah. So I thought it was about time that I’d leave. I’ve been here for so long that this place is starting to feel like my home completely , so I guess… before that happens—”
“No.”
“What?”
Sasuke swallowed his anger away. “Why the fuck would you leave when you feel at home somewhere?”
Naruto definitely picked up on his anger, backing away a little bit. “Because this is your house. You said that I had to leave someday and– I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that if I stay any longer. I’ll just end up hurting myself, okay? It’ll hurt.”
“What, so for the first time in your life you’re feeling at home, and you’re just going to throw that away?”
Naruto glared at him. “What does that have to do with anything? Like I said, this is your house.”
“And it’s your home. It’s your fucking home Naruto, don’t you give a fuck about that?”
The other stared at him, wide eyed. Ah, maybe he’d crossed a line bringing Naruto’s past into this. Or maybe, he wasn’t making any sense.
If Naruto wanted to leave— no—Naruto obviously didn’t want to leave. He was fooling himself.
Naruto looked down at his own hands, then he mumbled: “It’ll be painful for me.”
“For fuck’s sake, Naruto, I’m not asking you to leave.”
Naruto shrugged, like a kid. “It doesn’t matter. Staying will hurt too. Being here with you will. It’s scary as fuck.”
“Naru–”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I just don’t fucking know what it’s like to have someone next to me. Maybe I don’t know what having a home is like. I don’t know what losing someone is like, and I can’t fucking imagine what you went through losing your family– I’m– Maybe I’m terrified.”
Sasuke stared at him. That, he understood. That — ripping your entire chest open just because your heart has attached itself to someone who’s gone. He’d once told Naruto that they’d never understand each other — because Naruto had never had a family in the first place.
Oh how cruel he’d been, back then.
“So it doesn’t matter if you lose this place today, or in a year. You should enjoy having it.”
“Sasuke—” Naruto sounded pained. “It’s not about the fucking apartment.”
“ You said you don’t want to move.”
“Yes!” Naruto put his head inside of his own hand. Panicked, ashamed. “But I’m terrified of being here with you, asshole.”
Sasuke stared. “Why?”
“Exactly! Because you don’t know why.”
“Now you’re just talking crap, Naruto. Tell me why.”
Naruto shoved his chair backwards, getting up. He walked towards the counter and started putting a dirty cup into the sink. Sasuke got up, followed the other and cornered him against the kitchen counter.
“Naruto,” he said.
The other stopped moving. Sasuke saw him tense, saw how he slowly gripped the cup a little tighter. He breathed in slowly. Out again. Then he softly started talking. “It’s scary how you look in the morning, when you just came out of bed. It’s scary to discuss who’ll go grocery shopping. Your bedhead. The way you say my name first thing in the morning. The way you look when you come out of your room at midnight. It’s–”
“Terrifying?”
Naruto nodded. “You’ll hate me if you know about all of that.”
“I don’t. Tell me more and let’s find out.”
Softly, Naruto breathed out. “You're cruel.”
“Am I? Are you surprised?”
“No.”
“So tell me more about what’s so scary about me.”
Naruto closed his eyes. “How close you’re standing right now, almost pushing me against the counter.”
“I still don’t hate you. Try something else.”
“The way you’re making me want to be even closer. Fuck– it makes me want to stay here forever. It makes me want to leave my room and stay with you all night. It makes me want to get rid of those fucking nightmares of yours. It– It makes me want to kiss you.” Naruto said those last words softly.
“Is that it? Is that what will make me hate you?”
Naruto nodded, still not looking at him.
“Turn around for me?”
Naruto did as he’d asked. He finally looked at Sasuke, his eyes full of worry. Naruto had felt the same things he did. He’d gotten terrified by them. Sasuke got that, he really did. “So are you going to kiss me?” he asked.
“Sasuke–” Naruto complained, almost as if Sasuke was hurting him.
“It made me feel safe. All those things. The smell of your ramen, your bedhead, the coffee you make me, deciding who’ll go grocery shopping– everything.”
Naruto smiled. God. Sasuke wanted him to smile all the time. He wanted to make Naruto smile.
“Are you going to kiss me?” he repeated.
“Do you want that?” Naruto replied.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I literally fucking asked, you cheap ramen smelling idio–” that’s all it took. Naruto launched himself forward, pulled Sasuke in by his neck and kissed him breathlessly. He kissed him like first kisses are supposed to be, and somehow– somehow it still felt as if they’d done it a thousand times before.
Naruto caressed Sasuke’s hair, pecked his lips over and over again. He was smiling brightly. Every time they kissed, Naruto seemed to smile a little more. He ended up kissing Sasuke’s jaw, his cheeks, his temple and his nose.
Before going back to his lips, Naruto softly whispered: “My home.”
“Hm?”
Naruto didn’t answer. He kissed him again, caressing his earlobe softly and smiling about it. Of course he was smiling about it.
“Hmph–” Sasuke pushed Naruto off him. “You’re going to cancel that viewing right?”
Naruto laughed. Fuck, he laughed so brightly, butdidn’t answer once again. He kissed Sasuke on the neck and laughed some more, sending shivers through Sasuke’s chest. “I will, I will… By the way–” Sasuke could feel Naruto’s words against his skin, “did you like that coffee? I bought a new brand.”
Sasuke pulled Naruto back to his lips. “It was a bit too strong. I liked it. Kiss me again?”