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This new dynamic between them was still painfully new. To be honest, Hirano was sometimes envious of how easily Kagiura navigated the waters of a relationship. He fulfilled the role of a doting boyfriend flawlessly, showering Hirano with so much easy affection it practically suffocated the man.
He'd deliver a chaste morning kiss every day before he left for practice—somehow surprising Hirano no matter how much he tried to prepare for it. They agreed to keep everything a secret for now, uncertain how their peers or even the staff would take the news, so it was mostly hands off at school. But even so, Kagiura never failed to greet him happily whenever they crossed paths in the halls, brushing arms with him before turning back to his business. And at the dorms, Kagiura was insatiable, hugging him whenever possible and nuzzling into his neck in the privacy of their room. Not to mention all the embarrassing, sappy things he'd say to Hirano once it was just the two of them. Kagiura was an earnest person at his core, and that certainly translated into his displays of affection.
In comparison, Hirano was a fumbling mess. Frankly, he was still coming to terms with his not-so-straight feelings and very uncertain as to how one should navigate being boyfriends in a society that wasn't entirely welcoming to them. The smart thing to do would have been to wait until he got some footing with himself before pursuing a relationship.
(But seeing Kagiura with that girl at the mall roused an unfamiliar, ugly feeling in his heart that prompted him to jump the gun and stake his claim before he lost Kagiura for good.)
Hirano was still a little jumpy with physical affection. So Kagiura had promised to reign things in a little, at least in the beginning. Still, his kouhai was a very affectionate person and couldn't resist glomping onto him at the slightest chance. While irritating at first, Hirano grudgingly admitted that the constancy enabled him to grow used to the hugs and close proximity.
There was one thing that they still hadn't done, though. Surprisingly, Kagiura had given a wide berth from kisses. Even when Hirano had finally blurted out his feelings, bright red and flustered, they hadn't kissed. (Though that may have been because Hirano refused to take his arms away from his face for a long time.)
Still. Kissing was a thing couples were supposed to do.
The rhythmic tap-tap-tapping of his own pen brought Hirano back to reality. He was in the dorms, studying for the looming college entrance exams. Going straight back to the dorms after classes to study was pretty much routine now. Kagiura would be at basketball practice for most of the time as well, leaving the entire room to Hirano for his studies. Blue eyes looked back down at forgotten notes before the third-year sighed, pushing away from his desk to spin lazily in his chair.
"I can't keep agonizing over this," Hirano groaned, digging his palms into his eyes. He ran his fingers into his hair and down his neck before finally resting them there, elbows propped on his knees. He found his fingers going back to fiddle with his earrings unconsciously, a habit he'd recently realized that occurred whenever he was thinking about his roommate. The earrings were warm to the touch—added evidence that Hirano had spent way too much time thinking about his boyfriend aside from his blinking red desk clock.
"This isn't a big deal. Why do I keep thinking about it?" Hirano grumbled to himself. There's a faint color to his cheeks as he absently presses his knuckles to his lips, silently fighting with himself.
He knows why he can't stop thinking about it. He's had the urge to kiss Kagiura since he first realized his feelings for him. Curiosity has also been an unforgiving presence in his head. What did it feel like to kiss somebody? How did it feel to get that close to someone? Would the excited butterflies in his gut calm down when they did it? Would Kagiura's lips be warm on his?
A strange, unholy noise arose from Hirano.
"RAAAHHH!!!" Hirano shouted, shaking his head to be rid of the intruding thoughts. Once he had firmly chased away his plight, he looked back to the study books on his desk and regarded them.
There's no way I can keep studying when I keep thinking about it everyday, Hirano finally thought to himself, resigned. I'll settle this tonight so I can go back to focusing on my studies again.
Hirano was lying on his bed scrolling through his phone when the door opened. Kagiura was back from his evening practice, exhausted but with plenty of energy in the tank as he grinned at his senpai in the room.
"I'm back, Hirano-san," Kagiura called, going straight to his wardrobe by the door to chuck in his bags and grab a new set of clothes to change into after a shower.
"Welcome back, Kagi-kun," Hirano replied, sitting up in his bed. He watched Kagiura from there, quietly thinking about how to bring up the topic. "How was practice?"
"Pretty productive," Kagiura answered, frowning as he tried to find his clothes. "We did some drills and tried out a new offensive formation today. Hopefully we'll be able to master it before the practice games start."
"That's good."
"Mm-hm. What about you, senpai?" Kagiura asked, shutting the closet and glancing over curiously. "Usually I see you studying when I come back."
"I decided to take a break today," Hirano sighed, waving away the matter. "Was too distracted by my thoughts to concentrate."
"Oh? What were you thinking about?"
Hirano opened his mouth, then hesitated.
"I'll tell you about it after you get back from your shower," he said instead, glaring pointedly at Kagiura's sweaty shirt. "Go away, you stink."
"Sure thing, Hirano-san!" Kagiura laughed, smiling as he left for the showers. Once the door closed, Hirano flopped back down onto his bed, hiding his reddening face under his arm.
"God, I'm such a wuss…" he whispered.
When Kagiura came back from the showers, Hirano had plucked up his courage again and was quietly sitting on the edge of his own bed, knee bouncing nervously. The oblivious kouhai had gone to sit on his bed, still toweling off his damp hair as he told a story about some shenanigans in the second-year baths that night. The normalcy Kagiura brought to the room easily rested Hirano's nerves so that he soon found himself enjoying the moment with his roommate.
"—And then Hatsumoto ran over and sprayed Kino in the locker room while he was changing, so Kino had to walk back with his clothes drenched," Kagiura recounted, grinning from the tale. Hirano smiled, huffing in amusement.
"I bet everyone got told off pretty harshly for that."
"Yeah. The Dorm Manager wasn't very happy with us," Kagiura giggled. The basketball player stopped toweling his hair and allowed the towel to rest on his shoulders as he looked curiously at his boyfriend. "So how about you? You said that there was something bothering you today."
Hirano's shoulders tensed as he looked off to the side.
"Ah, about that…"
Kagiura waited patiently, worried expression growing more concerned. Hirano sighed, knowing the longer he dragged it on the more fussy and stubborn Kagiura would get.
But every time he tried to open his mouth to say the question he rehearsed in his head, his throat would catch and his mind would go blank.
"...Hirano-san?" Kagiura called softly, concern painting his voice. "Are you okay?"
Hirano let out a slow breath.
"This is harder to ask than I thought," Hirano muttered, scratching his head. Looking up at Kagiura's confused expression, still ready to try and help with whatever issue Hirano was holding in, Hirano had a thought. "Maybe it's better to just do it."
"Eh? Uh," Kagiura said haltingly as he watched Hirano get up and walk over to him. "Okay?"
When Hirano stopped in front of Kagiura, who was still looking up puzzledly from his spot on his bed, he clicked his tongue irritably.
"This feels uncomfortable," Hirano mumbled to himself before reaching out to push at Kagiura's shoulders. "Move back to the wall."
"Uh, okay." Kagiura complied, scooting back until his back hit a cool surface. "Hirano-san, wha—?"
The second-year sputtered as Hirano climbed onto the bed as well, settling onto his lap. His face went red as the flustered kouhai tried to regain his bearings.
"Hirano-san?!"
Hirano was just as red as he was, shoulders hunched up to his ears.
"Sorry, is it too much?" Hirano asked, not meeting Kagiura's eyes. Kagiura took in the appearance of his senpai despite his own flustered state, not willing to let this moment fade away in his memory. Though Hirano's voice was calm, there was a quiet, uncertain tone to his voice. Hirano was by no means a small guy, but the way he drew his body into itself out of insecurity made him seem so, so small in his lap.
Getting a sense of where this was going, Kagiura quietly shook his head, dispelling his shock so he could be the reassurance his senpai needed for whatever next step he wanted to take.
"It's okay," Kagiura said softly, trying to tame the childish excitement bubbling up inside him. "I was just a little surprised, that's all."
"Alright."
Hirano took a deep breath, gathering himself. It seemed that his senpai was still struggling to vocalize what he wanted. While he waited, Kagiura tentatively settled his hands on Hirano's hips, rubbing circles in an attempt to comfort him.
"I wanted to try kissing you," Hirano said after a while, still a little shifty with his eye contact as Kagiura looked up at him curiously. "Since we haven't done that, y'know."
"Ah." Kagiura paused, pressing a hand to his mouth in an attempt to quell the surge of excitement in his chest. He couldn't stop the wobbly smile from forming, though. "I was worried I'd scare you away if I tried kissing you so early, so I held off on it. Truth is, I've wanted to kiss you for a long time now."
"Geez," Hirano huffed, laughing a little as he relaxed a smidgen in Kagiura's arms. "Do you ever get embarrassed saying those kinds of things?"
"Why would the truth be embarrassing?" Kagiura argued. Hirano hummed, reaching out to brush a little hair out of Kagiura's face. His earnestness may take him completely off-guard a lot of times, but it was one of the best things about Kagiura.
Hirano stared at Kagiura, not sure how to proceed. As if reading his kind, Kagiura smiled and reached up to put a hand by his jaw, tangling his fingers in the hair on his neck.
"Can I kiss you now?" Kagiura asked.
At a loss for words, Hirano nodded.
Hirano felt his hand shift to the back of his head, gently urging him closer. Hirano followed suit, resting his hands on Kagiura's shoulders as he closed his eyes. The butterflies in his stomach were only getting stronger. His heart was beating so quickly. Hirano worried it'd fly out of his chest.
Their lips met, warm and soft. Hirano's uncertain movements were calmed by Kagiura's slow, practiced ones, guiding him into the simple kiss. They stayed like that for a while, lips slowly moving against each other while Kagiura ran a reassuring hand up and down Hirano's side. Eventually, they broke briefly for air, faces lightly flushed.
"Was that okay?" Kagiura asked quietly, checking in. Hirano nodded, a little more confident this time.
"Yeah," Hirano replied. "It was good."
This time, it was Hirano who leaned in first. Kagiura closed his eyes and let his boyfriend take the lead, letting him explore the kiss at his own pace. Hirano's kisses were starting to feel much like his character—purposeful and single-minded, all while being acutely attentive to Kagiura's signals. Kagiura suspected that with more practice, Hirano's strong will would eventually make it into his kisses as well. The thought sent a pleasant shiver through his body.
Unable to resist after holding himself back for so long, Kagiura tentatively licked at Hirano's lips. He jumped, pulling back a little as hot breath fell onto Kagiura's lips, but pressed back into the kiss before Kagiura could apologize. Hirano mimicked the action, shyly flicking his tongue, and Kagiura had to dig his fingers into Hirano's hips to resist the urge to take more demanding control.
I want him. I want him. I want him. I want him.
The kiss turned a little wetter. As the minutes dragged on, Kagiura was slowly losing more and more of his self-restraint. He coaxed Hirano into opening his mouth a little more, then eventually moved on to trying to persuade Hirano's tongue to meet his. When he succeeded, he briefly sucked on his senpai's tongue.
The full body shiver he felt run through Hirano and the helpless sound his senpai made ignited a darker, growing warmth in his gut.
Kagiura quickly pulled away, short on breath and very flushed. On top of him, Hirano was in very much the same state, though his eyes were much hazier in focus in comparison. Kiss-drunk Hirano seemed much more willing to bend to Kagiura's wants as he looked at him curiously, waiting to see if he'd continue or not.
Having Hirano pliant and willing on his lap with that eager expression on his face was a dangerous catalyst for the low fire burning in Kagiura's gut.
"How was it, Hirano-san?" Kagiura asked, needing an excuse to take a break and regather himself. Hirano smiled at him.
"It was nice," Hirano replied before giving him a once-over. "Did you want to stop or…?"
Kagiura struggled with himself before responding.
"No," he answered truthfully, "but...I don't think I can control myself any further than this." A sheepish expression fell across his face. Kagiura powered on in the face of Hirano's confusion, a meaningful lilt to his tone. "Especially since you're on my lap while I'm on my bed."
At once, Hirano's face erupted into a blush.
"God, Kagi-kun, you're too honest sometimes!" Hirano squeaked, sitting back and covering his face with a hand as he looked away in embarrassment once again.
"S-Sorry," Kagiura said sheepishly, unable to hide the grin on his face. Hirano glared at him.
"Don't apologize," he grumbled, sighing. Making up his mind, Hirano leaned in for one last chaste kiss before getting up and going back to his side of the room. "There. Now I can study in peace."
"You couldn't study because you wanted to kiss me?" Kagiura asked, a teasing grin on his face. Hirano didn't look at him, picking up his phone from his bedsheets and sliding back under the covers.
"Yep. Now go get some of your own studying done before the day ends," Hirano said mercilessly. Kagiura pouted.
"One more kiss?" he asked hopefully.
"After you finish your homework, you get a goodnight kiss."
"What about a 'you can do it' kiss?"
"No."
"Please?"
Hirano sighed, casting a baleful look in his direction.
"You're insatiable," he conceded, watching Kagiura light up as he beckoned him over with one hand. "Come here."
Kagiura excitedly crossed over, leaning over Hirano on his bed. Reaching up with his free hand, Hirano hooked his arm around Kagiura's head and pulled him into one last kiss, cherishing the feeling for a few lasting seconds before pushing him away.
"There," Hirano huffed, ignoring Kagiura's delighted expression. "Now you better study well."
"I will!"
As Kagiura went to his desk to start on that day's homework, Hirano mindlessly scrolled through his phone while thinking about the kisses. In truth, Hirano had also felt himself losing control, though not in the same way Kagiura had. As Kagiura grew bolder and bolder with his demands, Hirano grew weaker and weaker to them, his willingness to let his kouhai take control and lead the way override his wish to explore at a slow, set pace. He felt a new kind of excitement then, deriving from the willingness of surrendering himself to the other's wishes. Hirano hid his reddening face in his blankets, praying Kagiura wouldn't look back to see him flustered about the kisses again.
Damn you and your BL fantasies, Miyano, Hirano thought bitterly.