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Getting out of class early was always nice, Sunoo thought to himself. He had been excused almost 15 minutes early, and it being the last lecture of the day meant going home early. Quite nice.
Although, Sunoo couldn’t leave just yet. He had made plans to walk home with someone. He couldn’t help but smile softly, as he came to stop outside of said person’s classroom. Through the windows that were facing the corridor, he had quite the view of said person.
Nishimura Riki . Sunoo put his hand over his mouth, to hide his smile in case someone spotted him. It would be weird if someone did. He looked away from his boyfriend of two months, and saw his best friend in two seats behind. Yang Jungwon. His dear friend, who had introduced them. He’d forever be indebted to him.
Sunoo let his head rest against the wall, and picked up his phone to help pass the time until the class was dismissed. It was still another 7 minutes, the time being 15:53, so he went on to scroll through social media in the meantime.
He was doing that, when he heard a voice from a few metres away.
“Look, there he is!”
A response from a second voice came immediately.
“Ah, Riki oppa is so handsome”.
Sunoo reacted immediately to the sound of his boyfriend’s name, and blinked. He glanced to his side, and saw two girls standing there, looking through the window into the classroom. At his boyfriend .
The other girl let out a sigh, and Sunoo saw her nod.
“He’s so dreamy… and tall…”
The two girls giggled at each other, and the first one spoke again, a wide smile on her face.
“He’s boyfriend-material!”
The second girl was about to respond, and then glanced ahead and spotted him. She immediately shut her mouth, and poked at her friend, making her turn forward immediately.
When she too saw him, both got visibly flustered, and started walking again. When they were close enough to him, they both bowed their heads to him in a greeting, which Sunoo responded to with a somewhat forced smile, and then they both hurried off.
Sunoo heard one of them speak in a too loud whisper, as they moved down the hall.
“That was Kim Sunoo from class 5! He’s as pretty as they say. Do you think he heard-“
The voice trailed off as they walked away from him, and Sunoo’s smile faltered. His mood had completely shifted within moments, going from happy to… whatever this sour emotion was. Unwillingly, a frown formed on his features. His stomach felt as though it was in knots. Of course, Riki was really handsome. Sunoo had seen that as soon as he first laid eyes on the younger. But hearing others discuss it so openly, using the words ‘boyfriend material’, it was… not nice. He knew he couldn’t be the only one with eyes, but it didn’t feel good to hear others exclaim how handsome they found his boyfriend.
Sure, they hadn’t really told people they were boyfriends, but still... goodness, they hadn’t even kissed yet! Sunoo had made a promise to himself that he would kiss the taller boy on their 1-month-anniversary, but when the date arrived, he had found… he couldn’t. He had the chance, but upon it he had gotten shy. Nonetheless, he had dared to get up on his toes and kiss Riki on his cheek, but despite the smile that had brought to the younger’s lips, he had still felt like he had somehow failed. But, it had still been a nice day.
But yeah, even if they hadn’t kissed yet, they were still boyfriends, and Riki was his , so hearing others speak about how they wanted him to be theirs, that sucked.
Sunoo was so distracted by his thoughts, that he didn’t realise that the class was dismissed, until a voice spoke to him.
“Hyung, why are you pouting?”
Sunoo blinked, and looked up to see Jungwon in front of him, an eyebrow raised.
Before he could respond, a louder voice called out to him from the doorway of the classroom.
“Sunoo hyungie!”
Immediately, Sunoo’s face lit up in a smile, on pure impulse. He turned his gaze towards the sound, and saw Riki come walking towards him, a wide smile on his lips. He heard a soft scoff from his friend, but he ignored it.
“Hi”, he said, smiling at his boyfriend, ignoring the classmates who were looking at him. “I got out earlier, so I waited for you”.
He said it in a soft voice, so no one but the three of them would hear, but the puking noise Jungwon let out was loud enough.
He glared at his friend, sticking out his tongue.
“Don’t be jealous, Jungwon”.
Riki filled in.
“Yeah, jealousy is a disease and will make your teeth rot”.
Jungwon rolled his eyes at them both.
“Yeah, yeah”. He then smiled, nodding his head towards the direction heading to the school exit. “Should we go?”
Riki nodded, and Sunoo responded with a smile.
“Yeah”.
As they walked through the corridor, they were speaking softly amongst them, but Sunoo’s thoughts were a bit all over the place. He couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation he had heard. It seemed that many others liked Riki as well, and it didn’t feel good. Glancing up at his boyfriend, who was walking next to him, he couldn’t help but sigh softly. Why did he need to be so handsome? It just meant others would look too.
***
After that instance, Sunoo was suddenly hyper aware of other people looking at Riki. He wasn’t sure why it was triggered so intensively, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t been aware of the visuals Riki had, he was very aware of it, but suddenly… it was hard to not see the rivals. It bothered him. Riki looked like an idol. There was no other way around it.
Somehow, Sunoo’s mind had caught onto the idea that his sudden worries, jealousy? - would be solved by him and Riki sharing their first kiss. That wouldn’t make them only each other’s first boyfriends, but it would give them a second first too. And a first kiss, he knew, it was special.
Sharing his lunch break with Jungwon and Riki in the cafeteria, he had trouble concentrating on eating and listening to the conversation while also scanning the room to see if anyone was watching his boyfriend.
Riki, ever attentive, eventually noticed.
“Hyung, are you feeling unwell? You’ve barely eaten”, the taller boy said, putting his palm against Sunoo’s forehead.
Sunoo blinked, not realising he had zoned out. Immediately, his face got flushed.
“You don’t feel warm”, Riki hummed, pulling back his hand.
He still looked worried, and when Sunoo looked to the seat next to his boyfriend’s, he found Jungwon with a similar expression.
He smiled at them both, forcing himself to fully snap out of the daze he had been in.
“I’m good, just tired!”
Riki reached over the table, pushing his tray closer to him.
“Please eat, hyungie”.
Jungwon nodded.
“Be careful, hyung. It’s soon exams, you need to take care of your health”.
Sunoo smiled at them, feeling touched at their care, and picked up his utensils, putting some fried rice into his mouth. Jungwon and Riki didn’t stop looking at him, until they saw he had truly started eating.
After that, Sunoo could focus again, but he still felt a bit worried. But it was what it was, he supposed.
***
“So, hyung, will you tell me what’s up lately?”
Sunoo blinked, and put his phone down on his lap. He was spending the afternoon with Jungwon, they were in his younger friend’s room, both sitting on his wide bed and leisurely watching a show. Sunoo spent most of his time staring at his phone though, a bit distracted with his thoughts.
He turned to his friend, meeting his big eyes.
“What do you mean?”, he asked, despite knowing what he meant. He had been off lately.
Jungwon sighed.
“Hyung, we’ve known each other for years at this point. Don’t even try”.
Sunoo grimaced, letting out a breath of his own.
“Well…”, he just said, biting his lips.
How would he even explain this? That he was being silly and… jealous? Because Riki was handsome, and because other people could see it too?
Jungwon paused the episode on his laptop, and turned to Sunoo on the bed.
“You can talk to me”.
Sunoo swallowed, nodding. He knew he could. It was just hard.
He took a deep breath, about to speak, when Jungwon beat him to it.
“Is it about Riki?”
Sunoo felt his face heat up. Was he that easy to figure out? He turned his face down to his lap, and Jungwon let out a light chuckle.
“I was right? Really? I was super worried it was something big”.
Sunoo pouted.
“It is a big deal”.
He glanced up at Jungwon, who wore a teasing expression. He glared back at him.
“Oh, yeah?”, his friend asked, raising one of his eyebrows.
Sunoo stuck out his tongue at him.
“Yeah”, he responded, not particularly feeling like confiding in him when he was being mean.
Jungwon laughed.
“Like what? You messed up your first kiss, or what?”
Immediately, Sunoo’s face grew boiling hot and his mouth fell open.
“W-what?”, he spluttered.
Meeting Jungwon’s eyes, the smile dropped from the other’s face, and he instead looked surprised.
“You haven’t kissed yet?”, he asked, eyes wide. “Haven’t you already been together for two months? From the way the two of you act, I would’ve thought…”
Sunoo, not wanting to hear his childhood friend finish that sentence of exactly how far he thought he and Riki had gone, interrupted him.
“No! It’s only been two months!”
Jungwon blinked, and then coughed. He had the good sense to look embarrassed, at least.
“Uh…”
Sunoo, feeling like he wanted to melt into the bed, responded in a loud voice.
“What about you and Jay hyung! I bet you haven’t kissed either!”
Jungwon blinked.
“We’ve been together since before he graduated, it’s been over a year. Of course we’ve kissed. We first kissed after our first date. And”, he added, looking a bit flustered, “other things”.
Sunoo gaped. Oh. He regretted asking. He did not need to know that.
“Ugh”, he simply said, and hid his face in his hands.
Jungwon was silent for a few seconds, and then coughed.
”So… is it about that?”
Sunoo took three deep breaths, hands still against his face, and then let go, still keeping his eyes on his lap.
“No. Or yes. Or partly, I don’t know, Wonie”.
Jungwon hummed.
“Want to elaborate? I won’t laugh, I promise”.
Sunoo gave him a side-eye, and Jungwon put his hands up.
“Promise! Scout’s honour!”
Sunoo shook his head, an airy chuckle slipping through his lips.
“You were never a scout”.
He looked up to meet Jungwon’s eyes, and the boy rolled his eyes.
“Details, details”. He then smiled. “So? Food for thought?”
Sunoo sighed, and tried to gather his thoughts to put it in a way that didn’t make him sound like a crazy boyfriend.
“It’s just…”, he said, swallowing. “Riki is so handsome, you know?”
Meeting Jungwon’s eyes, he saw the other with one of his eyebrows raised.
“And that’s a bad thing?”, he asked.
Sunoo grimaced.
“I mean, no, but also yeah”.
Jungwon sounded confused.
“Elaborate. Please”.
Sunoo sighed again.
“I don’t like the way it means others will look at him too”.
He looked down at his lap again, embarrassed. He knew it sounded dumb.
Jungwon let out a breath.
“Sunoo hyung”.
He glanced up, and Jungwon wasn’t laughing, but he had a fond tiredness on his face.
His friend continued.
“I didn’t take you for the jealous type, but maybe I should’ve”.
Sunoo pouted.
“I can’t help it. The other day I heard two girls talk about how he was the ‘ perfect boyfriend ’ and since then I can't get over it”.
Jungwon let out a sigh, and Sunoo saw him shake his head.
“Sunoo hyung, I’m sorry, but let me be straight with you here: that’s quite dumb”.
Sunoo lifted his head, fully facing his friend. But before he could interject, Jungwon continued.
“Firstly, that boy is whipped for you. Anyone who isn’t blind can tell. Or, at least anyone who knows you’re a couple can see he isn’t subtle about it at all. He is whipped as cream”.
Sunoo felt his face grow warm, and hearing it made him smile. How could anyone not smile at hearing that?
Jungwon smiled at him, and then spoke again, sighing.
“Secondly, I think you’re a bit oblivious. Don’t you know that you’re quite popular yourself? You’re so busy staring at Riki that you don’t notice the people staring at you”, he grimaced, before continuing. “I’ll have you know people in our year have come up to both me and Riki and asked if we could put in a good word for them, just because they know we’re close with the ‘ handsome oppa in year 3 class 5 ’”.
Sunoo blinked. Ever since he fell in love with Riki, all other people had faded into the background. Sure, he had gotten a few confessions since meeting the tall boy, but they didn’t stick in his mind since he had to let them down.
And also…
“… They asked Riki-ya to put in a good word for them?”
The words came out in a rushed voice, eyes wide. He would’ve combusted on the spot if anyone asked the same of him, about Riki.
When Sunoo met Jungwon’s eyes, he found the other staring at him, before rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, who cares about the inconvenience I get from it, right?”
Sunoo let out a breath.
“Well, you’re not my boyfriend, are you? How would you feel if someone asked you to give their number to Jay hyung?”
At that, Jungwon hummed.
“Yeah, that would probably suck”. The boy nodded to himself, and then smiled, dimples deep in his cheeks. “Good thing he looks so intimidating, I doubt many would dare”.
Sunoo, despite himself, let out an airy laugh at that.
“Mean”, he said.
Jungwon shrugged, smiling still.
“No one but me needs to know how sweet he can be”.
Sunoo grimaced.
“Yeah, thinking about him and ’ sweet ’ feels a bit weird”.
Jungwon squinted at him.
“Don’t say that about my Jay hyung”.
Sunoo smiled sweetly at him, and Jungwon rolled his eyes in response.
“But, about Riki-ya”, his friend said. “What will you do?”
Sunoo lost his smile and sighed, shrugging.
“I’m not sure”, he replied. He bit his lip, and then continued, warmth on his cheeks renewing. “I think… I do want to kiss him”.
He hid his face behind his hands, tilting his head down when he heard Jungwon cooing at him.
“Aw, hyung”, his friend said.
Sunoo felt Jungwon put his hand against his back.
“Would that solve anything, though?”, he continued.
Sunoo let out a breath, and sighed.
“Not sure”, he said, words coming out slightly muffled against his palms. “But it would reassure me, being his first”.
Jungwon hummed in response, and they just stated that way until Sunoo had collected himself enough to show his face. When he had done so, his friend simply gave him a smile and then turned to play the episode again. Sunoo, feeling quite happy about having Jungwon despite his teasing, rested his head against Jungwon’s shoulder and started focusing on the screen.
All in all, after the talk with Jungwon he felt a bit better, but he still thought that a kiss would solve it all without him needing to confess his childish jealousy.
***
Sunoo thought he was masking it better, after that conversation with Jungwon. When he tried to be rational, he knew Riki liked him. Riki told him so often enough, and when he didn’t say anything, his actions made it clear. All in all, it wasn’t fair, him feeling jealous because other people found Riki handsome. Being jealous, didn’t that mean he doubted Riki? Riki had never said anything about what Jungwon had told him, about people in their year coming to him and Jungwon to ask for Sunoo’s attention, so why would he overreact this way?
That was the way he tried to think, these days. And it went well, he thought, he was able to focus on his classes and being with his friends. He still hadn’t been able to bring up the topic of that kiss, which he still very much wanted, but also there was no hurry. He was fine with sneakily holding hands on their way back from school and Riki cuddling him from behind on his bed while they were supposed to be studying, occasionally even getting a kiss on the cheek.
But, it all shifted, a normal Thursday afternoon, when he got back to the classroom after lunch hour. It had been a nice lunch, Riki had even given him his extra vanilla bun. He had accepted it, even though he knew Riki liked them, just because his boyfriend ‘ really liked the face he made when he was eating something delicious ’. He couldn’t refuse that, taking the bun after a shy smile. So, he was back in class, ready for his English lesson, and his mood was good, he was full and comfortable and the weather was nice too.
He was picking up his books and pencils for the class that would start in 10 minutes, when a classmate he wasn’t particularly close to came up to him.
“Sunoo-ssi?”, the girl asked, stopping next to his desk.
He looked up at her, noting the way she was fiddling with her fingers, and that her friends were standing right behind her, just within earshot. The classroom was vacant except for them.
He smiled at her, and raised an eyebrow.
“Yes?”, he replied, turning his upper body fully to face her.
He saw her bite her lip, and she seemed very nervous.
“Uhm…”, she said, taking a deep breath.
Sunoo, feeling confused at this point, smiled at her reassuringly.
“Take your time”, he simply said.
The girl took a deep breath, nodding to herself. Her short hair bobbed at the movement.
“You’re close with Nishimura Riki in year 2 class 1, right?”
Sunoo blinked. He had not expected that.
“Yes? Why?”, he just responded.
Before the girl had even responded, unease started to fill him up, that ugly feeling he had come to recognise as jealousy .
“Uhm. Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”, the girl asked, looking down at her feet. Her pale cheeks were flushed. She is pretty , Sunoo's brain supplied.
His mouth, however, said no such thing.
“Ah, uhm, yes. Riki-ya is seeing someone. I’m sorry, Je-Yun-ssi”.
Immediately, the girl seemed to shrink, and her face grew hotter. Still, she raised her head, nodding and even gave him a weak smile.
“I-I see. Thank you, Sunoo-ssi. Sorry for bothering you”.
Sunoo smiled back at her, nodding his head apologetically, but on the inside he was screaming. Part of him wanted to get up and slam his desk, tell the girl that she had some nerve, asking that to the person the boy in question was dating. But, he couldn’t do that. She didn’t know, to her he was just Riki’s close friend, and she had taken the chance to see if the guy she was interested in was single or not. It was brave. But Sunoo still wanted to pound his head against the desk, as he saw Gyun Je-Yun join her friends with her head hung low. His good mood had flipped over in a matter of seconds.
***
Sunoo had gone home after that class, on his own. He had sent a text to the group chat he had with Jungwon and Riki, telling them something came up and he had to leave directly after class. In all honesty, he hadn’t felt like meeting either of them, knowing they would catch on to his low mood. Even if no one else saw through his forced smiles, those two always did.
The two had mainly responded with sad emojis and 'okay's, and Sunoo had left. The next morning, he had still felt miserable, and he had shown his mother his most pitiful look and she had allowed him to stay home. He felt a bit bad, he knew his parents worried since he had a history of poor health, but sometimes you had to tell a small lie for the greater good.
He let Jungwon and Riki know he wouldn’t come to class after his mother had contacted the school, and he then went back to bed after waving his mother off, promising her to eat and to contact her if he got worse. When he got on his bed, he picked his phone up again, and Jungwon had replied with a “ Hyung, get rest! ” in the group chat, while Riki had responded in private texts.
[08:17]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : sunoo hyungie do u want me to come to u when school’s out? :( i can buy mint chocolate ice cream i’ll even eat it with u
Sunoo swallowed, turning over on his stomach. He felt really bad, but the jealousy he felt really made him not want to meet Riki right now. He felt bad for how he was feeling. He didn’t want Riki to see him this way.
He bit his nail, and typed a message back.
[08:25]
Me : No need, Riki-yaah. I’ll just rest for today and talk to you when I’m better 💖
After pressing send, he put his phone on Do-not-disturb and put it away. He made himself comfortable on the bed, and closed his eyes. Might as well get some more sleep.
***
A few hours later he woke up, feeling disoriented. He blinked, and glanced at the small table next to his bed. The small red clock on the table showed 11AM.
“Oh”, Sunoo said to himself. “I really slept”.
He sat up on the bed, and stretched his hands above his head. He was gonna go eat and then shower.
He walked out of his room, not checking his phone.
***
An hour or so later, Sunoo left his shower. He felt a bit better, drying his hair with a small towel and wearing one of Riki’s hoodies. It smelt slightly of him still, and it was a comfort despite everything.
He stepped into his room, and walked towards his bedside table. He picked up his phone and checked it for the first time in hours. At once, he widened his eyes.
Riki had sent several messages.
[08:27]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : are u sure hyungie? but i miss u :(
[09:54]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : how are u feeling now? <3
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : i’m tired 😴
[10:27]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : hyung did u fall asleep? wish i could sleep next to u hehe <3
[11:03]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : teacher almost confiscated my phone :(
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : i miss u hyung hope ur better about to have lunch (without u). but ig jungwon-ah is alright
[11:23]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : hyungie i’m getting worried can u respond
[11:36]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : i’m this 👌🏻 close to skipping the rest of the day just to come check up on u. jungwon says i’m overreacting (wrong)
[11:47]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : are you sleeping? or did i do something? you’ve been off for a few days….
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : can u respond?
[11:54]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : please :(
[11:59]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : ok i’m coming over
Jungwon also sent him a private message after this.
[12:00]
jungwonie 🐱 : Riki is coming for you. I tried to stop him, hyung, but I think this one is on you. Good luck 🙇🏻
Sunoo took a gasp, and his eyes went to check the time. It was 12:14.
“Shit!”
His phone buzzed in his hand.
[12:15]
Riki💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 : i’m outside hyung
A moment later, the doorbell rang. Sunoo’s eyes grew wide in panic.
A few seconds later the signal was repeated. His heart started beating in his chest, and he felt anxious. He hadn’t prepared for this, and now Riki had skipped school because Sunoo got him worried. Sunoo swallowed, before putting his phone back on the table, and slowly he made his way out of his room, towards the stairway leading down to the door.
He had totally blown this out of proportions, and his inability to speak up had hurt Riki. He felt awful, and the soup his mother had prepared for him was now making him nauseous.
When he was half a step away, the door rang again. Sunoo forced himself to breathe evenly, and then opened the door.
The sight of Riki there, face looking nervous, still wearing his uniform, a clear proof that he was skipping, made Sunoo’s stomach clench painfully.
Riki’s eyes widened when he saw Sunoo.
“Hyung!”, he let out, voice sounding a bit hoarse.
Sunoo felt so, so bad. Riki looked like a mess. His usually tidy hair was messy, and Sunoo figured he had most likely ruffled through it as he walked to Sunoo’s house. It was a nervous habit the taller boy had.
Sunoo swallowed.
“Riki”, he said. “Why are you here? You’ll get marked as absent from class”.
Riki shook his head frantically. His eyes were wide.
“I don’t care”, he said, voice a bit shaky. “What’s up, hyung. Please tell me what’s going on. You’ve been weird these past few days, I need to know what’s wrong”.
Sunoo had never felt as bad as he did in that moment, watching the tall boy standing on his doorstep. He had half a mind to lie, say it was nothing and send Riki off, but where was the fairness in that? If Riki was his boyfriend, wasn’t he supposed to trust him and communicate with him? And if he sent him away, continued acting like he was now, wouldn’t that mean he was failing in that area?
Sunoo let out a breath, and stepped out of the doorway.
“Come in, Riki-ya, before someone sees you skipping”.
Riki nodded, and followed him inside, pressing the door shut behind him. Sunoo looked at Riki’s tie, as the taller boy stepped out of his shoes. It was slightly crooked.
When Riki had put his shoes on the rack, Sunoo nodded his head towards the stairway leading up to his room.
“Let’s go”.
Riki nodded yet again, and followed him.
The walk up the stairs towards his bedroom felt tense, and Sunoo felt on-edge the whole way. Self-conscious and guilty.
When they got to the room, they both took a seat on Sunoo’s unmade bed, and they sat there in silence for a while. Sunoo’s heart was pounding in his ears. How could he put this in a good way?
He took a deep breath, and with his eyes facing his clenched hands in his lap, he opened his mouth.
But Riki spoke before he had the chance to.
“I don’t want to break up, hyung”.
At once, Sunoo blinked, and then turned to Riki, eyes wide. What?
Riki looked pained, as if he was about to start crying.
“I don’t know what I did wrong, but please don’t break up with me. I like you so much, hyung. Please talk to me and I’ll do better. Please”.
Sunoo blinked again, his heart breaking in his chest.
“I don’t want to break up!”, he said in a hushed tone, panic evident.
Riki furrowed his brows, mouth forming a small ‘o’.
“You… don’t?”, he asked, voice uncertain. As if he didn’t believe it.
Quickly, Sunoo shook his head.
“No!”
For good measure, he reached between them, grabbing hold of Riki’s hand resting on the mattress next to him. Riki looked down at Sunoo’s small hand, and then up at his face again.
“Then… why? What’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing, I know something is up lately”.
Riki’s lower lip wobbled. Sunoo felt close to tears himself.
“Riki”, he said, voice low. “I’m so sorry”.
Riki swallowed.
“For what?”, he asked.
Sunoo let out a shaky breath.
“For not talking to you”.
Riki raised an eyebrow at him, still frowning, and Sunoo let out another breath. It was hard.
“Lately… I’ve been”, Sunoo paused and cleared his throat. “I’ve been… I’ve been feeling jealous, Riki”.
Riki blinked, and then furrowed his brows.
“What? Jealous of what?”
Sunoo grimaced. It was hard looking at Riki while speaking, but he knew he had to. He owed it to Riki. Beautiful, caring Riki, who sat on his bed in his school uniform because the idea that Sunoo was mad at him was more important than classes.
Sunoo opened his mouth.
“It makes me jealous, when other people look at you. Hearing other people compliment you, or say that you would be a perfect boyfriend. The idea that other people want you, it makes me feel mad. Yesterday during class, a classmate came up to me and asked if you were seeing someone, and it just… killed me. I felt sick and upset, and I felt so unfair to you, as if I was doubting you, but I couldn’t stop it. So, instead I decided to distance myself a bit, to ground myself and get over it, but obviously that didn’t work”, Sunoo paused, and his lower lip wobbled. Oh , his eyes were wet. He swallowed, and continued. “I’m sorry, Riki, I don’t want to break up. I like you so much”.
Sunoo let out a shaky breath, swallowing again. It felt like something was stuck in his throat.
Several emotions were flickering over the Japanese boy’s handsome face, too quick for Sunoo to catch. His mouth was open, eyes wide.
Sunoo saw him swallow once, before he spoke, voice hoarse.
“Hyung…”, the boy said. He sounded breathless.
Sunoo sighed, withdrawing his hand back to his lap. It didn’t feel like he had the right to touch Riki.
“I’m sorry”, he said, turning his gaze back to his lap.
For a moment, it was silent between them, and Sunoo felt how his tears started filling the brim on his waterlines. When he closed his eyes, they started running down his cheeks. He felt so ashamed.
Then, Riki slowly moved on the mattress, and in the next moment, he felt arms come to hug around his body. Riki’s warm scent engulfed him, and Sunoo’s eyes snapped open in surprise.
“Riki…?”, he asked, voice airy and low.
Riki’s voice came out against his ear, making him shiver slightly.
“Sunoo hyung”, the tall boy said. “Thank you for telling me”.
Sunoo let out an airy breath, and hugged his boyfriend back. It didn’t feel as big and scary and overwhelming now that he had told Riki about it. Maybe he should’ve truly done so from the beginning, rather than think he could get over it on his own. He breathed in Riki’s scent, and it comforted him.
After a moment, they pulled apart. Looking into Riki’s face, now smiling, Sunoo couldn’t help but return a wet smile of his own. Riki raised his hands, wiping at his wet cheeks, and spoke in a soft voice.
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, hyung?”
Sunoo took a breath, putting his own hands over Riki’s, holding them in place. His heart was beating, face feeling warm, and he just felt so in love . Riki was everything he wanted.
When he spoke, his words came out hushed.
“Kiss me”.
Riki’s eyes widened immediately.
“Hyung?”, the taller boy said, surprise evident in his voice.
Sunoo nodded.
“Yes”, he said, feeling shy and embarrassed, but unable to look away from those beautiful eyes staring into his. “Be my first”.
Riki opened his mouth, and a shaky breath came out.
“It’s my first too”.
At that, Sunoo couldn’t stop himself from smiling.
“We can be each other’s first kiss”, he simply said.
Riki swallowed.
“Are you sure?”
Sunoo nodded.
“Yes, please. If you…”, he paused, face hot. “If you want to”.
Riki nodded frantically at that. His tan face looked flustered too.
“Of course I do, hyung… yes”.
Sunoo blinked at his boyfriend, who was biting his lip, looking nervous. Sunoo felt nervous too.
Riki cleared his throat once, nodding to himself.
“I’ll just…”, Riki said, breathing softly. “I’ll lean in then, hyung”.
Sunoo nodded in response, and then closed his eyes. He could feel his own pulse, matching Riki’s, and he felt so nervous and giddy and shy and… in love. A few seconds later he felt Riki’s hot breath against his face, and then soft lips pressed against his. He let out a breath through his nose, allowing himself to just enjoy the unfamiliar sensation of Riki’s soft lips against his. It was nice, and Sunoo’s chest felt warm and content and just filled to the brim with affection and love.
When Riki pulled back a couple moments later, they just breathed against each other’s lips. Riki spoke softly, sounding breathless.
“Was that okay?”
Sunoo nodded, not yet ready to open his eyes.
“It was perfect”, he said in response.
He more felt than heard the small huff Riki let out at that, and the taller boy pressed another soft peck against his lips, and then let go off Sunoo’s cheeks, pulling him into his arms. Sunoo immediately hugged him back, burying his face in Riki’s shirt, breathing him in.
Riki spoke after a couple moments, voice coming out in soft breaths against the side of Sunoo’s neck.
“I like you so much, hyung”.
Sunoo smiled, tightening his grip around his boyfriend’s body.
“Me too, Riki-ya”.
Riki hummed softly.
“Thank you for talking to me, hyung. I don’t care about other people. I only like you, I only have eyes for you. And if you need reassurance, please don’t be afraid to ask me for it. I would even scream it from the school roof, if you’d let me”.
Sunoo let out a small chuckle, nodding against Riki’s chest.
“I know, Riki-ya. It’s the same for me. Always will be”.
He could feel the smile against his skin, and then Riki pressed a soft kiss to Sunoo’s neck. Sunoo couldn’t stop the shiver that came over him at the sensation. He pulled himself out of Riki’s arms, and stopped in front of him, looking into his face. Riki was so beautiful, his brain offered. Beautiful and kind. Sunoo smiled at him, and without another word, he leaned in again. Riki met him halway, and Sunoo closed his eyes.
***
A few hours later, Sunoo’s mum came home and found them in bed, watching a movie on Sunoo’s laptop. Sunoo felt panic for a slight second, knowing that him pressed close to Riki, head on the taller boy’s shoulder, didn’t look very platonic. But she simply smiled at them, and Riki greeted her with a smile.
“Are you staying for dinner, Riki-ya?”, she asked, leaning against the doorframe.
Riki hummed, glancing down at Sunoo who bit his lip, shrugging.
“If it’s fine with you, eomeonim”.
Sunoo’s mum smiled, and nodded.
“Of course, Riki-ya. It’s the least I can do, since you always take such good care of my Sunoo-ya”.
Riki smiled back at her.
“Sunoo hyung takes good care of me too, eomeonim”.
Sunoo felt his face grow hot, and he looked at his mother. She merely smiled at them both, before nodding and closing the door again. Sunoo let out a breath. Maybe she knew more than he thought. It made his heartbeats pick up, but it also made him snuggle closer to Riki’s body, smiling while doing so. Riki started the show on the laptop again, and Sunoo felt content.
***
[12:00]
jungwonie 🐱 : Riki is coming for you. I tried to stop him, hyung, but I think this one is on you. Good luck 🙇🏻
[18:47]
Me : Sorry, I haven’t checked my phone. But it all worked out and he stayed for dinner. He left just now. ☀️
[18:50]
jungwonie 🐱 : I’m glad! Did you 👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻💋💖?
[18:50]
Me : Never confiding in you ever again. 👎
[18:51]
jungwonie 🐱 : I see, I see. I’m happy for you, hyung. Congrats! 😊
[18:52]
Me : … Thanks, Wonie. 💓