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Rejection is Hard (case)

Summary:

Karthoofh looks like Umbara. It’s the first thing Hardcase noticed when they landed on its surface, and it puts the entire 501st on edge. There’s a few differences, of course. Umbara had zero direct sunlight, but Karthoofh has a sunrise once every five standard days; they’re on the Southern Hemisphere where daytime only lasts two hours, but it’s there. Also, Umbara has an ever-present chill that would almost be preferable to the suffocating humidity of their current planet.

(Following Hardcase and the rest of the 501st on an eerily familiar planet where tensions are high, and morale is low. Surely nothing bad can come of this.)

Notes:

Disclaimer: I don't have ADHD myself, just ASD and anxiety, but brain cousins gotta stick together, and I wanted to try my hand at writing something a little less familiar. Let me know if there's anything I should change, but keep in mind that Hardcase's ADHD is only Hardcase's ADHD, and is not meant to represent an entire neurotype, because that would be impossible.
It’s also my first time writing Hardcase for longer than a sentence, so let me know how I did! I rewatched the Umbara series for this, (*cries*), and the majority of Hardcase’s canon lines were very enthusiastic and full of bravado, so the more serious side might feel a little OOC, but I did my best. I’m used to writing Tup, and I see him as more of an internalizer, but Hardcase is a more expressive person who’s more likely to externalize how he feels with the potential for outbursts, so that’s how I characterized him.

Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Karthoofh looks like Umbara. It’s the first thing Hardcase noticed when they landed on its surface, and it puts the entire 501st on edge. There’s a few differences, of course. Umbara had zero direct sunlight, but Karthoofh has a sunrise once every five standard days; they’re on the Southern Hemisphere where daytime only lasts two hours, but it’s there. Also, Umbara has an ever present chill that would almost be preferable to the suffocating humidity of their current planet.


They’re fighting standard battle droids instead of Umbara troops, which helps further cement the differences in everyone’s minds, plus, the General is with them this time, which makes blasting the droids a lot more fun. With him at the front, Hardcase can dedicate less time to avoiding getting shot, and spend more time adding to his collection of takedowns.


Currently, though, he’s with a squad of eight, led by Fives. They were sent to check on a scout that was late reporting in. After a quick glance through his ARC-issue scopes, Fives called the group together. “Alright men, we’re heading over to that ridge; we should make quick time, and from that vantage point, hopefully we’ll be able to find our missing scout. Let’s move out!”


The group headed over to the ridge with Fives in the front and Hardcase and Kix bringing up the rear, Hardcase because of his heavy gun and Kix to keep an eye out for unreported sprained ankles. And not that he'd admit it, but his armor was starting to chafe the scars on his back, a souvenir from Umbara.

Hardcase picked up his pace a little bit, adjusting his helmet to decrease the night vision settings; the neon green was making it harder to pay attention as he screened their surroundings. As he walked, he scrolled through his recent messages, rereading the mission objectives Fives had sent to his comm. He’d given them all verbal instructions, but having a written reminder really helped Hardcase stay on track.


Turning towards Kix as they walked through the mushroom trees, he asked, “Hey Kix, how's this campaign treating you? Enjoy stretching your legs outside medbay?”


“It's been good so far, but I don’t want to jinx it. Thankfully, the only thing I’ve had to treat so far is a stomach ache. One of the shinies found a fruit vine with poisonous berries. I’m just glad he didn’t end up sharing it with his vode like he planned.”


Hardcase grinned, “Yeah, no kidding. The last thing this planet needs is a squad of miserable shinies and an even more miserable medic.”


“Hey!” Kix grumped, but the tilt of his helmet showed his amusement.


Grinning cheekily under his own helmet, Hardcase continued down the hill towards their objective. Kix followed behind for a bit, but all too soon his anxiety spiked as he sprinted ahead towards a rather curious Vaughn with a “No, don’t touch that!” as the vod got too close to a brightly colored flower.


Hardcase was content to continue on his own, but it wasn’t long before his mind was wandering. One of the vode had asked him about advice for tattoo designs, since he had a decent number. His newest one was the Krayt dragon on his back, taking advantage of his excessive burn scars for some added effect. The trooper in question was one of the shyer brothers from their group rehab sessions, and he'd mentioned enjoying the sunshine.

‘Is a cartoon sun too obvious? Maybe they could get one of those stylized ones… they seem like the type to get colorful tattoos… but those don’t last as long…' He thought to himself. He was torn out of his thoughts when he heard a rustle in the trees to his left. He moved to investigate, aiming his Z-6 in the direction of the sound. Forgetting to alert the group, he went a bit deeper into the brush.


One nice thing about Karthoof, compared to Umbara, was the lack of biting insects. Sure, bugs were still creepy on any planet, but according to Kix, most of them were harmless (unless you count the scream the captain let out when he found one in his helmet, and the subsequent KP duty he’d handed out to the vode who laughed). A couple of them were pretty big, though, Hardcase noted as he turned to see that the rustling was caused by a group of gi-ants, as he had taken to calling them.

With a disgusted shudder, he lowered his gun, wincing at the weight of it. Kix had warned him that the heavy gun might be a lot for this particular mission, but leaving his Z-6 behind felt like leaving a part of himself back at camp, and after taking nearly three months to be able to use it again after Umbara, they'd have to pry it out of his cold, dead, hands before he willingly used another weapon (unless mission parameters demanded it).

Turning around, he realized that the group had gotten a ways ahead of him, and although he knew which direction to go, he couldn’t see their white armor through the mushroom trees anymore.
“Whoops, hopefully no one notices…” He muttered to himself as he sprinted towards where he’d last seen the group. Rounding a particularly large tree at top speed, he saw a flash of blue, white, and red before bodily colliding with Kix.


“OOF!” Kix was unprepared for the sudden collision and landed roughly on his shebs. “Hardcase! Trying to give me a heart attack? First you disappeared out of nowhere, and then you had to jump out from behind a tree?!”


Hardcase winced apologetically before helping him up. “Sorry, Kix… I heard a noise and decided to check it out.”


Kix rolled his eyes with a beleaguered sigh. “And you didn’t think to let anyone know where you went? ” He wasn’t mad, not really, but the atmosphere was definitely getting to him too, and the last time they were on a planet this dark, well… let’s just say that Kix didn’t want Hardcase out of his sight longer than necessary, especially in enemy territory.

“Honestly, you need one of those backpacks with a leash, or at least a sticker on your Z-6 that says, “If lost, return to Torrent.””

“Hey, I’m not that bad!” Hardcase protested as they started back up the hill. He recognized that Kix was mostly being sarcastic, but part of him still winced at the tone.


“Not that bad? Remember that time on shore leave, when you…” Kix’s comlink started beeping, interrupting the story. “Kix, Hardcase? What’s the holdup? Everyone else is at the rendezvous point.”
“Kriff,” Kix groaned before responding to Jesse’s voice on the comms. “We’re almost there, sorry for the holdup. Hardcase thought he saw something.”


“Copy that, see you soon.” Hardcase grinned sheepishly at Kix, not that he could see it through his helmet, before the two sprinted up the rest of the hill.


By the time they got to the top of the ridge, everyone else had arrived and were surveilling the area in search of the missing scout. Kix was leaning forward dramatically as he caught his breath, and Jesse jogged up to them. Hardcase was taking the opportunity to stretch his predictably tense shoulders.


“Hey Hardcase, Kix! Glad you could join the party! See any snipes while you were out there?” Jesse joked. Hardcase gripped his heavy gun tightly in annoyance. When they’d first joined the 501st, one of the ARCs had been spreading a rumor about a shipboard pest that picked off lone shinies that needed to use the fresher at 0200. Hardcase must have woken Jesse up ten separate times to go with him to the fresher before someone finally explained the prank. Now it was an inside joke between them, but it wasn’t as funny when Hardcase was already on-edge and potentially in trouble for holding up the group.


Walking up to Fives, who was once again surveying the area with his scopes, Hardcase addressed him with a nod. “How many Seppies are we blasting today, Fives?”
“Not sure yet. Their base is a few more clicks away, but there’s a group headed towards our main camp, the one our scouts told us about before they disappeared. Tup’s trying to get a read on their numbers so we don’t crash in blindly.”

Patting his Z-6, Hardcase grinned, “Crashing in blindly has worked out alright in the past.”

“Yeah, a few times, but I’d rather not risk that while we still haven’t located our missing man.”

“Fives!” Tup called as he showed him the terrain scanner. “Looks like the clankers are taking this route towards the camp. There’s a path leading towards a canyon about a click from here, and clearing without much vegetation between them and the camp. Also, there’s this.” He zoomed in, showing a life-form at the back of the group, based on their heat signatures. “Looks like they found Tracker.”
Fives grimaced, thankful that he was still alive, but internally wincing at the mess Tracker had gotten himself into. Turning to Tup, he asked, “What’s the terrain like between us and them?”
Pulling up the hologram projection, Tup explained, “We’re about a click away from them at the moment. They’re going along this ridge, which leads into a canyon not far from here. After the canyon is a clearing, so we’d have to get moving soon if we want any cover when we fight them.”

Nodding his thanks, Fives got everyone’s attention. “Alright vode, any ideas?”


Hardcase grinned, speaking up, “I say we sneak over to that canyon, get the high ground like General Kenobi’s always talking about, and blast ‘em to bits!”


Jesse hummed in thought, “I dunno if that would work. We don’t have time for another scan to check for erosion; for all we know, the canyon could collapse out from under us and then the 501st would need to send another rescue party.”


Hardcase bristled under his helmet, but he had to acknowledge Jesse’s point. Clipping and unclipping his blaster packs repeatedly, he listened to the rest of the suggestions.
“We could go around the canyon, and if we’re quick, we should reach the entrance when the last of the clankers get there. Tracker’s at the back of their battalion anyways, so we’d be closer to him for an extraction, and the droids would get in each other’s way, trying to get back to us.” Vaughn suggests.


Fives looks around the squad for any objections before giving the shiny a friendly pat on the back. “Sounds like a solid plan, kid.”

They go over a few more specifics before heading out. Picking up his Z-6 again for the quick hike around the canyon, Hardcase jumps slightly when his wrist communicator buzzes again before remembering that Fives would have sent him another summary message just in case, but he knew what he had to do.

As they sneaked down the cliffside, Hardcase started to regret bringing his Z-6. It’s come in handy to save his life more than once, but right now he can barely see his feet around the heavy gun, let alone steady himself as he descends the rugged cliff. Everyone else reaches the bottom before him, and as he moves to jump the last four feet, his feet slip on a dislodged stone that falls with a loud crash. Hardcase himself lands roughly with a much quieter thump and a quiet curse, but by then, they’ve been spotted.

“Clones!” The enemy points their blasters, but the group is already moving behind cover. True to mission objectives, Hardcase points his Z-6 straight at the canyon’s entrance while Kix goes for the missing scout trooper. Thankfully, the trooper looks mostly uninjured as he scrambles back towards the rest of the group.

“Good to see you in one piece, Tracker! How’d you get them to keep you alive?” Jesse’s voice nearly drowned out by blasterfire.


Tracker gave a wincing grin, having been stripped of his weapons and helmet. “Told ‘em I was a part of the union, and that I needed to speak to their superiors about their poor working conditions.”


“Hah!” Hardcase laughed while he mowed down another squad with his Z-6. “What does your union think of this?!”


Tracker responded with mock seriousness, “Definitely not up to code.” Taking the spare blaster Fives tossed him, he joined the fight.


Cornering the droids meant that they only had to expect clankers coming from one direction, but with nearly a battalion trapped in the ravine, a squad of eight wasn’t nearly enough to hold them off forever. Despite the rain of blasterfire Hardcase poured out on them, more kept coming.


Gripping his heavy gun harder, he could feel it start to overheat, and a few droids slipped out of the canyon and took up defensive positions behind the rocks. “No! No! No!” His heavy gun slowed to a stop and the droids continued to gain ground. This had happened before, and thankfully, cooldown cycles only lasted about 30 seconds, but the droids took advantage of each one.


“We’re gonna need reinforcements!” Fives barked into his commlink. “We got our man, but we’re pinned down with the enemy between us and camp. Sending our coordinates!”


They held up best they could, but the droids were gaining ground, and they were running out of cover. Even as the others started to move to the next rocky shelter, Hardcase stood his ground. Backing up would mean looking behind him and taking his eyes off the droids.


Hardcase stumbles slightly as one blaster shot gets a little too close for comfort before gunning that droid down.


“Hardcase! Fall back!” Hardcase faintly heard someone shout, but he’s caught up in the moment and their orders go in one ear and out the other.


He grins as he hears the familiar humm of air support inbound, finally snapping out of his hyperfocus to recognize Fives yelling at him to get out of the blast zone. Falling back to the outcropping where the rest of his vode are taking cover, Hardcase steadies his Z-6 before stepping out again to mow down the next row of droids.


“Eat laser clankers —Argh!” A blaster bolt slams into his ankle, and he goes down, narrowly missing smacking his head on the sharp terrain as he attempts to keep ahold of his heavy gun. He rolls to get up, but a hand pushes him back down. ‘Jesse,’ He realizes briefly. “Jesse, lemme up, I can take ‘em!” But the hand remains, gripping a little harder. “We’re behind cover here, but we won’t be if you keep moving! The battle’s almost over anyways. Stay down, vod.” Hardcase inhaled sharply, preparing to fight Jesse on the issue, but his protests were drowned out by the whistling missiles of their air support. The ground shakes and sharp rocks pelt their cover.


As the dust clears, Hardcase can faintly hear the droids retreating and the blasting petering off like the end of a Kaminoan rainstorm. Finally, Jesse removes the hand restraining him, tone sharp with worry.


“Why don’t you ever fall back? You’re gonna get yourself killed one of these days! Nearly going jareor on Umbara wasn’t enough for you?!”


Hardcase grits his teeth at the sharp criticism, pushing Jesse’s arm off his shoulder, hearing more anger than worry. He’s opening his mouth to give an acerbic reply when Kix darts between them, completely focused on Hardcase’s injury, cutting off any angry retort from Hardcase or regretful look from Jesse.


The squad rode back to base in a gunship, with Hardcase stubbornly refusing help walking despite the throbbing in his leg. Jesse didn’t want his help with the droids, so he didn’t want anyone else’s help.


He did grudgingly let Tup carry his heavy gun though; couldn’t say no to those big brown eyes. Balancing on one leg on the ride back was difficult enough without the added weight, making Hardcase very grateful that the gunship landed in the center of camp, close to his tent.


Reasonably, he should have known that Kix would grab him on his way to the barracks and push him towards medical, but he was about ten seconds from exploding at that point, so clear thinking wasn’t really on the agenda.


As a medic, Kix was naturally a very tactile vod, putting a comforting hand on a patient, dragging them to the medbay, handing them water when they forgot to hydrate post-battle. It was something Hardcase usually enjoyed about his brother, but right now, every guiding hand felt like an order and Hardcase wasn’t having it. “Come on, Hardcase, take off your armor so I can see the damage.”
Hardcase shook his head vigorously, hands trembling in something between anger and humiliation. He’s not quite sure what he’s feeling right now, but if Kix pushes him now, he’s going to end up saying something he regrets.


Observant eyes catching the movement, Kix tried again. “Hardcase, I gotta see what kind of mess you got yourself into. Did you hit your head when you went down?” He moved to help Hardcase unclip his helmet, and Hardcase swatted his hands away with a frustrated growl that bubbled into a yell. “Nothing’s wrong with my head! Back off, Kix! Not all of us are kriffin’ perfect like you and Jesse and Fives! I know I’m a di’kut for getting myself injured again, just leave me alone!”


He squeezed his eyes shut under his helmet, clenching his fists so tightly it hurt. He heard footsteps walk away and felt a wave of guilt. He… he knew Kix just wanted to help, but… He shook his head frustratedly. ‘Messing everything up again, Hardcase.’ He thought to himself, lost in a rush of negativity.


Completely missing the quiet footsteps returning to the room, he jumped slightly when he felt something circular slip into his hand. ‘A stress ball,’ he noted, squeezing it with all his might. Slowly, the buzzing in his head subsided, although the pool of guilt and self-hatred in his stomach remained.


“Better than hurting your hand, vod. Wouldn’t want to let Tup beat your range scores now.”


Hardcase slowly opened his eyes to see a concerned Kix in front of him, presence steady as he motioned for Hardcase to follow his breathing, which he hadn’t noticed had sped up until now. They did that for another minute or two before Kix tried again. “Are you okay now if I take a look at you?”


Hardcase nodded, voice echoing his guilt as he began. “Kix, I– sorry for yelling at you… you didn’t deserve that…” He pulled his helmet off for Kix to start his examination, half expecting Kix to be mad at him, for all that it was well-deserved.


Kix took his helmet and began scanning him with a small smirk, “Honestly, I’m flattered, vod. Don’t know about perfect, but my hair’s nearly there. And Fives? Fives is great, but he’s a di’kut, and he’d lose his own helmet if it wasn’t attached to his head…. and I didn’t hear much, but Jesse was more worried than angry. Doesn’t make it okay to yell at you, though.”
Hardcase lets out a surprised snort of a laugh before asking, “...So, you’re not mad, then?”


“Worried, yes. Mad, no. I shouldn’t have pushed when you were on edge, vod.” He gestured to Hardcase’s leg, waiting for permission before he began to remove armor and cut through his blacks to get a closer look at the blaster injury.


Hardcase shrugged halfheartedly, attention turning back to the stress ball in his hand. “We’re all on edge; it’s no excuse for me to act like a di’kut and bite your head off for cleaning up my messes. I just felt… useless, here, on this mission, and I…” He trails off.


“Hey,” Kix looks up at him intensely, giving his knee a comforting squeeze. “That’s my vod you’re talking about. Be nice.”


Hardcase huffs in amusement, his smile a bit less self-deprecating as Kix continued. “Echo calculated it one time, you know. Missions with a heavy gunner have far fewer casualties than without. You lay down lots of cover fire, but you’re also a big target on the battlefield, lugging that thing around. I’m honestly surprised you’re not in here more often.”


He sent a quick glare Hardcase’s way. “That’s not permission to get hurt more often on the battlefield. Just saying, you make a difference, even if you don’t realize it.”


The flaps to the medical tent opened suddenly and Jesse hesitantly stepped inside. “Hey Hardcase, how are you doing?”


Hardcase took another breath before answering, glancing at Kix for reassurance. “Fine. Kix is patching me up.”


Jesse looked relieved and a little guilty. “That’s good.”


He sighed, rubbing his tattooed head with one hand. “... Sorry for yelling at you earlier. I don’t think you’re jareor, I was just… I couldn’t let you end up in a bacta tank again when I could’ve stopped you.”


Hardcase’s eyes widened slightly. They didn’t like talking about Umbara as a general rule, Jesse especially. Being held at gunpoint by his own vode was a sore subject, and apparently he felt the same way about when Hardcase nearly died. It had taken a long time for Jesse to be able to stop worrying and hovering every time Hardcase's scars gave him grief; even now, he'd notice when his brother's gaze lingered a little longer on his back and neck than the rest of him. 


Defensive posture loosening, Hardcase squeezes the stress ball in his hand, imagining if their roles had been switched. He gave Jesse a small smile. “It’s okay, vod. This planet is giving everyone the heebie jeebies. Besides, you don’t have to worry about me! I’ve got a skull as hard as beskar, Kix said so himself… thanks for saying sorry, though.”


Jesse returned his smile with a look of relief. He gripped Hardcase on the shoulder, taking a moment to appreciate the fact that his vod is here and that he’ll be okay.
“Heal up soon, vod. We’d be lost without our heavy gunner.”


He gave Hardcase a nod before leaving to give the General his report.


Smiling to himself, Hardcase felt warmth spreading in his chest at his brother’s acknowledgement that he was both wanted and needed in the 501st.

Notes:

To clarify, Hardcase has worth outside of what he can contribute on the battlefield, but it’s there that he was feeling lacking, so that’s what I had Kix and Jesse focus on. Disclaimer: I don’t have ADHD myself (I’m just a friendly brain cousin on the autism spectrum), so if I got anything wrong, please let me know. Positive feedback is also appreciated.

(also, fun fact: The ‘jedi issue scopes’ joke went completely and entirely over my head the first time I heard it. One of my friends was nice enough to explain it to me before I got it, which was an awkward conversation. If you needed proof that I miss social cues, you got it, lol)

Update: Minor edits were made to make this fic compliant with my headcanon that Hardcase's injuries post-Umbara resulted in chronic pain and disability. He survived the explosion, but has scars that cause him varying levels of difficulty in his day-to-day life (they're mainly around his neck and left shoulder, and parts of his back).

I came up with this headcanon because I really like the idea of Hardcase surviving, but I wanted to explore the idea of a chronically injured character where a disabling injury doesn't get magically fixed in one episode (a trope I like to call the "one-episode disability montage"). However, this fic's main purpose was to explore what an ADHD Hardcase's experiences with rejection sensitivity would be like, so hopefully it still focuses primarily on that. If you like this headcanon, it's explored more in my other fic, "A Series of Hard Knocks," so feel free to check it out! (I like my puns, fight me).