Chapter Text
Michael has absolutely no idea on how to be a parent.
Sure, he took care of his siblings sometimes, especially after their mother died, but he wasn’t the main caretaker 24/7. His dad, as shitty as he was, still took care them sometimes too. Plus, he was a child. A child could only do so much when taking care of another child.
Now it’s a bit different. Now he’s an adult, and legally, he is capable of caring for a child. There’s a lot that goes into parenting, and Michael doesn’t even know where to begin. Vanessa is even less qualified than him, so he only has his previous knowledge of child care to back him up. Is he scared? Absolutely. Is he still gonna wing the whole 'being a guardian' thing? Also yes.
Vanessa, however, has different plans.
The stack of books she drops in front of him only one week after living with her is…impressive. Daunting, more like it. He didn’t expect to get homework while living here. His old shoe box apartment is looking more and more appealing. “What’s all this?” he asks.
“Parenting books.”
Yeah…he’s moving.
“What the fuck.”
“We are-“ she picks up the top book and throws it at him “-severely unqualified to care for a child.”
“I wouldn’t say severely unqualified.”
“So it’s time to prepare!” she says. She picks up another book and throws it at him. This time he’s more prepared and actually catches it.
“Stop that!”
“We owe it to Gregory to be good guardians,” she taps the stack of books, “I rented every parenting book I could find from the library. Once we’re done reading everything we’ll be knowledgable on how not to scar a kid forever and make him hate us.”
Michael sighs and reads the title of the second book she threw at him - ‘Raising good humans.’ He then looks at the first book that smacked him on the arm and fell to the floor. ‘Peaceful parents, happy kids.’ Both sound incredibly corny to him. He looks at the other titles and groans.
“Parenting for dummies?”
“It could be useful.”
“I doubt it.”
“Are you just gonna shit on the book titles, or are you actually going to read them?” she glares at him.
“I’m just…is this really necessary?”
“Of course it is.”
She walks around the coffee table to sit beside him. She picks up the first book she threw at him off the floor. “Not only are we unqualified, but we also have deep, troubling issues. Do you want Gregory to have daddy issues just like you?”
“First off, don’t psychoanalyze me,” he glares, “and second, I’m pretty sure he already has daddy issues.”
“But you could give him more daddy issues.”
Ok, he’ll give her that one. “Do we really have to read all of them?”
“Yes,” she nods, “so get started.”
“Wouldn’t have moved here if I knew I was getting homework,” he mumbles. English and reading had never been his strongest classes. He was more of a math and science guy, only because his father made him take extra lessons for them. At least all that engineering knowledge never went to waste. He reaches over and grabs the book on top: ‘Decoding Boys.’ Well…it’s a good place to start if any.
The book is surprisingly a lot more informative than he’d thought it'd be. After two hours and three chapters, it makes him think about topics he’s never thought about before. How to communicate with Gregory, how to connect with him, and most importantly, how to handle him going through puberty.
Oh shit…has he gone through puberty yet?
“Do you think Gregory’s going through puberty right now?” he asks Vanessa. She looks up from her book, the peaceful parents one, and frowns.
“I don’t know. You’re a guy…does it seem like he’s gone through puberty?”
Michael thinks about his own period of going through puberty. All the sweat and hormones and anger. He slowly started growing taller, and his voice slowly got deeper and deeper with time. Gregory is still on the short side, and his voice absolutely still sounds like a child’s voice.
“Nah,” he says, “he’s only 10, he’s got time. We’ve got time.”
“If boy puberty is anything like girl puberty, then we’re in for a long ride,” Vanessa shudders. Michael chuckles.
“Maybe it won’t be so bad. The worst we have to fear is the hormones. Those can make anyone go crazy.”
“Did they make you go crazy?”
“They made me angrier,” he frowns, “though, I was pretty angry before hormones kicked in.”
“Maybe you should read this book instead,” she says. She moves about six books away from the stack and grabs the one on top, handing it to him. He reads the title and gives her an unimpressed look.
“Anger management for parents? Really?”
“Just in case!”
“Fuck you.”
“Ah ah,” she taps the book and smirks, “that’s the anger talking.”
“Pretty sure therapy is what I need, not some stupid book.”
“We can’t afford therapy yet,” she taps the book again, “so read.”
He sighs and throws the previous book he was reading back on the table. He’s not really angry, just annoyed at all this reading. Sure, the first book wasn’t that bad, but that doesn’t mean he’s willing to read 20 more books on how to raise a child. He’ll probably forget everything he read by the next day anyway.
“What’re you guys doing?”
Both adults turn towards the hallway to see Gregory walking into the living room, Freddy plushie (which was free, courtesy of Fazbear Entertainment) clutched tightly in his arms.
“Reading,” he tells the boy.
“Gross.”
“Agreed.”
“Both of you,” Vanessa waves a finger between the two of them, “are children.”
“Um, duh,” Gregory says, rolling his eyes.
“I’m a child at heart,” he says, “also something to do with trauma and never having a real childhood so I’m compensating for it now.”
“Jesus,” Vanessa says, “where did that come from?”
He shrugs. “Something a friend said once.”
“They were right,” Gregory says. What does he know anyway? He’s a traumatized 10 year old - that’s completely different than being a traumatized 21 (technically 60) year old. “Anyway, what are you guys reading? Anything interesting?”
He watches Gregory pick up one of the books and frown at its title. He knows immediately what book he picked up from the ugly, bright, yellow color. “How to be a great dad…for dummies?”
“You got two of them?” Michael groans. Vanessa shakes her head.
“Three. There’s also how to be a cool aunt for dummies.”
“Well, congratulations, you’re failing spectacularly at being cool. Please read that one next.”
Vanessa reaches over to flick him on the forehead, causing him to yelp in surprise. “What was that for?!”
“For being a dick.”
“Why do you guys have so many parenting books?”
“Because we want to be good guardians,” Vanessa says. She waves at all the books. “And these books will help us.”
“Wow,” the boy whispers, “you’re really serious about this.”
“I am,” Vanessa says, before turning to look at Michael. She raises a questioning eyebrow at him, and he rolls his eyes at what she’s implying.
“I am too. I just hate reading, ok?”
“I figured,” Vanessa smiles, “so that’s why I prepared another surprise for you.”
Oh no - her last surprise involved him reading 20+ parenting books. She pulls something out from her back pocket, a flyer, and hands it to him.
“Parenting 101, available at Hurricane community college,” he looks up at her, “seriously.”
“It’s this Thursday at 7 pm.”
“You’re serious.”
“Very.”
He looks down at the flyer again, rereading it to make sure he read it correctly the first time. Yep, he did. A whole class on how to be a parent for first time guardians. He looks at Gregory. “Greg, please put me out of my misery.”
“Oh stop being so dramatic!” Vanessa groans, “it’s only for six Thursdays in a row!”
He looks back down at Gregory. “Fire is the best way to kill me, by the way.”
“MIKE!”