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And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
~*~
Bryce’s call had left him stranded. Suddenly the music was too loud, the beat drumming through his body too much to bear. He shot a look at Flynn and Declan, who were looking right back at him. They had heard his sister’s words too, must have sensed the panic rushing through his veins for a second, just before she had declared that Hunt had returned to the apartment. Returned after being absent long enough for Bryce to be concerned enough to call him. Where had he been? What had happened to him? Ruhn shook his head, denying any answer to any question to his friends. Instead he walked out of the club, the air was cold, the music barely loud enough to hear through the thick walls and doors.
Are you okay? He typed a message to Hunt. Do you need anything? Since their kiss all those nights ago, their chat was filled with short messages and pictures. Hunt, who asked him about his day. Ruhn who made sure his sister did not drive the angel insane. Invitations to meet whenever Bryce was at work or asleep. If his sister knew how many times he almost had entered her apartment by now, just to decide not to break into her privacy and spend their time on the roof instead. She would most likely chop off his head.
He waited for a reply, but Hunt didn’t even read his message. Before he knew what he was doing, he was on his way to Bryce’s apartment, waiting for her to open the door. When she did, she just stared at him for a moment, before stepping aside to invite him in.
“I figured you’d come,” was the first thing she said.
“You did?” A slight nod, then she looked to his bedroom door.
“I know his password. I just wanted to change my name in his contacts, that’s when I saw your chat the other day.” Her words hit him right in the face. She had seen their chat, knew about them. And yet she hadn’t told anyone. Had kept it to herself, since… when? How long did she know? “He hasn’t left the shower for ten minutes now… I’d say we give him a little more time. He looked horrible.”
“What happened to him?” Bryce shrugged, walked over to her couch and sat down. Ruhn followed her, leaned against the backrest and looked down on his sister.
“I don’t know. He was called to meet Micah and returned covered in blood… guess he had to do his job once again.” Her voice was barely a whisper and now that she mentioned it, Ruhn could smell the trace of blood lingering in the air. Not Hunt’s blood, but the blood of many people, whose names were written on the archangels blacklist. Another death to reduce his debt. A debt Hunt had told him about only a few nights ago, as they were sitting on the rooftop. Ruhn’s back resting against Hunt’s chest, his wings covering them softly like a blanket.
He hadn’t known what to say to him back then, his only answer being a soft kiss. And he didn’t know what to say now, so he and Bryce just stayed in silence. Ten more minutes, twenty, thirty. The shower didn’t stop. He didn’t want to wait any longer, couldn’t wait any longer.
Bryce didn’t follow him, as he crossed the room to get to Hunt’s bedroom, but she also didn’t hold him back. When he opened the door, the bedroom was filled with steam creeping through the bathroom door. He felt like stepping into a sauna.
“Hunt?” He asked into the silence, then continued walking. The air inside the bathroom was hot and filled with thick waves of steam. The shower was still running.
“Hunt?” He asked again. Again no answer. He looked around, then he saw the hint of gray wings against the shower glass. His throat tightened and his heart clenched as he saw Hunt, usually strong and confident, sitting slumped over on the floor. His legs drawn to his body, his head bowed between his knees. Without any second thought, Ruhn stepped into the shower, scorching hot water hitting his skin and he hissed in pain. Hunt’s skin was already red from all the time he already had been sitting under the stream. Ruhn grabbed the handle - his own skin turning red, the pain setting his arm aflame, reminding him of his father’s punishment - then turned the hot water off until the temperature became bearable. Hunt looked at him, or more likely, looked through him. His dark eyes staring into the void. His body healed the burns, had done so for the last few minutes, whenever the water had hit his skin long enough to leave burn marks. He tried his name again, but again, no reaction.
“Hey, angelboy,” he then said gently. Hunt didn’t even blink. Ruhn knelt down before him, reaching out his hand towards him, his fingers hovering over Hunt’s cheek, too scared for him to actually touch him. As if his touch alone could break him. In the end, it was Hunt who leaned into the touch, his breath deepening, his tense muscles relaxing for a moment.
“Come on… I’ll clean you off. If that’s alright.” Finally he got a reaction, even if it only was a small, barely visible nod against his palm. Ruhn grabbed a bottle of shampoo, his shirt and jeans already were soaking wet but he didn’t mind. Couldn’t care less. He poured the shampoo into his hands, gently rubbing it into Hunt’s hair, the silky strands so well known to his fingers from carelessly playing with them when they sat together. Gently he tipped his head back, to rinse it and for a second their eyes met and recognition settled in Hunt’s face. After finishing up his hair, Ruhn moved on to cleaning his body. This was not how he had imagined running his fingers over Hunt’s naked body for the first time. His heart ached for this moment stolen from them. Ached for Hunt’s gentle soul, having to go through Hel and back, for some kind of freedom he would probably never achieve.
“I need you to get up, so I can clean your wings.” Blood was still sticking to the gray feathers, those gentle and mighty wings that had sheltered him from an explosion, wind and cold. Those wings and Hunt’s arms made him feel like home. He wouldn’t let the blood and the truth that lay beneath it take this from him. From them.
Hunt rose to his feet and Ruhn rose with him. Gently he started soaping his wings, every feather one by one, remembering how Hunt had cleaned his own wound in what seemed a lifetime ago. The sheer trust shown in how the angel later turned his back to him, so he could clean the other side of his wings was breathtaking, made his knees go weak for a split second. It took minutes until no splash of red was found on the gray wings anymore. Minutes they had stood in silence, the rush of water the only audible sound.
Bryce stuck her head through the door, avoiding to look at her brother or Hunt to give them the privacy the angel needed.
“I brought a change of clothes for both of you,” she said into the silence, “and I prepared his bed for you. He looks like… he really needs to rest.” Ruhn could only manage to say “Thank you” before his sister vanished from sight. He turned off the shower, gently guided Hunt outside, carefully drying his skin, before helping him to get dressed in his underwear and a pair of joggers. He didn’t even bother with the shirt at this point. Only when he was finished, Ruhn changed into the clothes Bryce had brought him. Those definitely belonged to Hunt as well. His familiar scent lingered in them, laid itself around him like a warm embrace.
The angel didn’t object when Ruhn guided him out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. The windows were cracked open, cold night air flooding the room, the silver moonlight painting shadows on the walls. The atmosphere was calming, serene. At least to Ruhn and he hoped Hunt felt the same. That this small space he called his own, far away from Micah and the other angels, gave him some comfort and sense of security.
Without a word being said, Hunt slid between the covers, Ruhn sitting down on the mattress next to him. Hunt held out a hand to him, a silent question. A silent plea to come closer, to stay. Warm fingers lightly curled around his wrist, dragging him into a lying position right next to Hunt. He could feel the angel's breath on his skin, placed his head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. A content sigh left Hunt’s lips, his breath getting deeper and more relaxed with every passing minute.
Hunt put his arms around his waist, holding him in a tight embrace. Holding onto him.
Minutes passed as they lay in silence until Hunt finally fell asleep. Even more minutes passed until Ruhn allowed exhaustion to take over and himself to fall asleep too.
~*~
Hunt awoke to total darkness, filled with dim moonlight and his arms around a warm body. He blinked once, then twice before his eyes adjusted to the darkness around him. A familiar scent filled his nose, drew his eyes to the person next to him. Ruhn was lying there, his arms wrapped around Hunt's body, his head on his chest, an almost unknown expression of serenity on his face.
When did he come here? There was an unspoken agreement between them, that he’d never bring Ruhn into Bryce’s flat. It took his head a moment to clear, to remember the hours after he had met with Micah, after he had done the governor's dirty work. Had it been him, Bryce had been on the phone with, when he arrived? Had he come, from wherever he had been, just to take care of him? He remembered his soft voice, calling his name. The stupid nickname he didn’t get rid of, calling him from where his soul hid, whenever he became the monster he had to be. Ruhn had been there, clothes and hair soaking wet, worry and fear in those violet-blue eyes, which reminded him so much of the blue iris which had blossomed athis home all those decades ago. He remembered him cleaning his body, his hair, his wings. Soft touches of gentle fingers on his skin, a warm palm pressed against his cheek. The familiar scent filling the air around him. There had been Bryce’s voice too, a faint echo inside his head. But only Ruhn’s face for him to see.
He looked down on the fae-prince, who was wearing a wide, white shirt, obviously belonging to Hunt. It made him realize, for the first time since they knew each other, how slim Ruhn was compared to him. He was still tall, muscular and well trained, but Hunt’s shoulders and back were broader, stronger from carrying his wings, his body differently defined from decades of being a warrior. Without a second thought he let his fingers run over the shaved side of Ruhn’s head, felt the soft short hair, then continued to let some long strands slide through his fingers. The moon shed its light upon them, illuminating the colorful tattoos on his arms, reflecting in his piercings and the silver hoop on his lower lip.
Still, after all those weeks, he didn’t know what had made him fall in love with this man. All he knew was that something between them had changed after Hunt had realized he could’ve lost him in the White Raven, if they had been closer to the bomb. He had tried to fight it at first, concentrated on his mission only, trying to get it over with as fast as possible. To get closer to the freedom he longed for. But then they had met day after day after day, and when they hadn’t, the prince had occupied his thoughts far longer than he should. Making him forget about his past and Shahar and getting him to think about how different it would feel to kiss those lips. Acting up on this need growing inside him had been a risk. But now, in the darkness of this room, with his prince cuddled close to him, caring for him in times he needed the quiet comfort the most, this risk had been worth it. Ruhn shifted in his arms, his eyes slowly opening and the moonlight reflected in his iris-blue eyes.
“Are you alright?” His voice was quiet, soft. He was still half asleep and the first thing he thought of was Hunt.
“I am,” he answered and for the first time - he realized - he meant it. He felt alright, not good but not as hollow and terrible as he normally did. “Go back to sleep.” He placed a kiss on his hair, breathed in the familiar soothing scent of peppermint and rosemary. A scent seemingly so unfitting for his prince, but at the same time by now the smell of peppermint or rosemary always reminded him of him.
“Too late,” Ruhn said, “now I am already awake.”
“You don’t sound awake,” Hunt replied, holding him a little tighter.
“Maybe you are right.” Still he moved in the angel’s arms, stealing himself a soft and sleepy kiss. Hunt stiffened for a moment, before letting himself fall into this tender kiss. It only took them minutes to fall back asleep, Ruhn’s deep breathing filling the air, lulling Hunt to sleep.
Morning arrived way too soon, sunlight flooding the room, prompting Ruhn to press his face against Hunt’s chest to avoid the light. A low chuckle left his throat, his fingers drawing small circles on his boyfriend’s back. He placed a kiss on his hair, then his temple. Slowly Ruhn looked up, a sleepy smile on his face. It was this moment, waking up with his arms wrapped around him, the natural feeling of them falling asleep and waking up next to each other, that made him realize how much he truly loved him. And how much this feeling scared him. The last time he had loved like this, if he had loved Shahar like this, he had not been able to protect his lover. But then, Ruhn kissed him again, and for a moment he didn’t care at all for the past or the future, just the present.
~*~
It took them more than just one try until they finally managed to leave the warm comfort of Hunt’s bed and the room’s sacred isolation. Ruhn stiffened for a moment when they entered the living room and found themselves face to face with Bryce. For a whole night and most of the morning, Ruhn had forgotten that he was in his sister's flat. Had forgotten she maybe only allowed him here because she, just like him, was concerned and cared for Hunt. He didn’t know what he expected from her, after all those years of limited contact and her showing the cold shoulder to him the last few weeks. But he knew what he didn’t expect. The kind and warm smile she gave him. The wariness in her eyes was gone, revealing the gentle kindness he knew from the time they still had gotten along.
“How do you feel?” She looked at Hunt, but the question was directed at both of them. “Did you find any sleep tonight?”
“I’m alright,” Hunt replied, a small, unsure smile on his lips, as if he couldn’t quite comprehend that both of them cared.
“That’s good,” Bryce said, “do you care for some breakfast? Or will you stick with coffee for the moment?”
“Breakfast sounds lovely,” Ruhn answered, feeling as if maneuvering over a frozen lake, trying to figure out if his sister’s friendliness was just there for the moment or would last.
“I’ll take care of it.” Hunt pressed a kiss to his temple, strolling past Bryce and into the kitchen. Once again, for the second time within only five minutes, Ruhn didn’t know what to think. Just the night ago he had feared Hunt would fall apart, but now the shattered and broken boy was gone, replaced with the face of the strong soldier he showed the world.
“Is he really okay?” Bryce asked, her gaze following Hunt.
“Honesty?I don’t know, but I think he’ll manage.” Bryce nodded, maybe she, out of the two of them, was the one to understand Hunt best. Fighting for herself to not fall apart since Danika died. “Bryce… thanks for calling me.. and letting me in.”
“He needed you more than I resent you.” Her words, normally cutting deep and wounding him, now were less harsh, more like their banter from her youth.
“And still, I love you”, he replied with a wry smile. Bryce shook her head, then turned and followed Hunt into the kitchen, the smell of eggs and bacon being way more interesting than holding their conversation any longer. Rhun stayed behind for a moment longer, watching his sister, listening to her and Hunt’s conversation in the kitchen before following them. Maybe in the end, something good had come from last night's horrors. Maybe, for the first time in all those years, he and Bryce had found a common ground. When he stepped into the kitchen, finding himself in Hunt's arms while Bryce tried to talk the coffee machine into starting faster, he felt more at home in this small flat than he ever had in his own house. It was a feeling he could get used to.
~*~
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am