Archive of Our Own ^beta

You hated yourself again. 

It came upon you slowly this time. You’d been doing chores around the house, surrounded by all your old mementos from past travels. You used to go just about everywhere in the world, with or without help from Hope’s Peak Academy. Nothing stopped you, and you thought that nothing ever would. 

That was years ago. Now everything you’d bought home with you gathered dust and reminded you of who you couldn’t be anymore. It weighed upon you sometimes if you ignored it for too long, just like today. 

Now, you were curled into a wretched ball in the middle of the kitchen, duster long forgotten amidst the tears. You shouldn’t have still existed, not after all you’d done for years was take up more space in the world. A world that was no better off for having you in it. 

You wanted to take everything you’d kept from your adventures and burn it all as some kind of apology. But that would hurt just as badly. 

You didn’t notice when your boyfriend came home. You were too far gone to hear his deep voice booming his return. Suddenly, he was just there, looming enormous over your trembling body. Not touching you but so close you had to know that he was there. 

“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” Gozu said, so much softer than most people ever heard him speak. “Can you hear me?” 

Unable to trust your voice, you nodded. You were too ashamed to look up at him. 

“What do you see?” He asked. 

You didn’t want to look at Gozu yet, so you looked anywhere else. “T-the fridge. I-It’s-I just cleaned it out,” you said, still sobbing over your words. “Finally got rid of that ca-asserole we made. I can still taste it.” 

Despite everything, you grimaced and a chuckle bubbled out along with your tears. Your boyfriend let out a deep chuffing sound of his own. “Keep going. I’m here,” he said gently. 

You looked around some more. “The cabinets are-are too light for me. I kind of want to stain them darker. But this r-rug is really nice. I really love the floral patterns. You did a great job picking it out. And the-that picture of Rynok Square.” 

You pointed over his shoulder at the framed photo on the kitchen wall. “I still r-remember that trip. I almost fell out of the helicopter.” 

“I’m very glad you didn’t,” Gozu said, still hovering close. “What do you feel?” 

You rubbed your hands on the kitchen floor. “The rug is rough, but the tiles are smooth. I can feel some dents in them. And my shirt’s a little too tight, but it’s… it’s cold in here.” 

You felt the chilly air send a tingle through your skin; it helped drag you back. Your heartbeat still hurt your chest but you could breathe a little more easily now. 

“And what do you hear?” He asked one last time. 

You listened for a second. “The fridge humming. The tree branches hitting the house outside. Something’s moving through the pipes. And… I certainly hear you.” 

You finally found the strength to look up at your boyfriend’s bull-masked face. After years of his company, you didn’t need to see Gozu’s expressions to understand how carefully he towered over you. He was trying to make himself smaller so you weren’t as threatened; he was too big to succeed much, but you always felt safest when he stood the tallest. 

His hands, enormous and powerful, floated still and attentive between the two of you. It always amazed you how those hands could topple kings and champions and yet caress you so tenderly. 

Gozu’s shoulders lifted a fraction, now that you were looking a little better. “Are you okay to be carried?” He asked. 

“...I think so,” you said. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

The first time Gozu picked you up, back when you two started dating, you asked whether you were hard to carry at all. He’d laughed loudly and said that no, you were basically like lifting a human-sized straw doll. 

Then he’d gotten worried and said that you needed to eat more. He was right, of course, but being an agoraphobe made it hard to buy groceries. 

If lifting you was harder now, Gozu didn’t show it. He picked you up off the floor, one thick hand behind your knees and the other curled around you, then smoothly carried you into the living room and settled onto the couch with you in his lap. 

“There you go,” he rumbled, cupping your head in one hand and holding you close. He tilted his head down and touched the snout of his mask to the top of your head. “Take all the time you need.” 

Your boyfriend’s broad, powerful form was a stalwart wall as you buried your face against his thick chest and sobbed out the rest of your tears. His formal suit was growing wet as you cried into it, but he never lifted a finger to move you away. 

You were grateful beyond words for that - that when faced with your ugliest and least desirable aspects, Gozu stayed. 

Finally, after too long, you felt your tears dry up. You leaned back, still held firmly in Gozu’s arms, and stared down at his chest because you still couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Th… Thank you,” you mumbled. 

“You don’t need to thank me for this,” Gozu said gently. “If you need me, I’m always gonna be there.” 

You sniffled, noticing the dark patches that your tears left on his formal vest. “Sorry about your suit.” 

“I don’t give a shit about the suit. Are you okay?” Gozu asked. 

Were you really? You hadn’t felt it for so long, ever since you locked yourself up and forgot how to go outside again. Meeting Gozu at that class reunion years ago, and the time you’d spent with him since then… It had been an ordeal to make yourself go, but you were glad every day that you did, because the memories you made with Gozu were a blessing that you wouldn’t trade for anything. 

But still. 

“...I don’t know,” you admitted quietly. 

Your boyfriend sighed through his bullish mask. “Does your scar hurt?” 

You remembered the long, knotted memory of an incision through your gut and pressed your hand over it. It ached, but no more than it did when you touched it. “Not this time,” you said. “I just… I had a weak moment again, that's all.” 

“Hey, enough of that. You’ve never been weak,” Gozu said, his deep voice developing just a bit of an edge - but only for your sake. His strong hand, callused beneath his glove, stroked down your back. “You get up every day and do the best you can. It’s not your fault that life’s a bitch.” 

You let out a watery chuckle. “I feel like I could do so much more,” you said. “Like I used to. Before I… you know.” 

You both knew exactly what you meant. It had been so sudden, a momentary anomaly in one of your countless trips around the globe. You didn’t expect anyone to come at you, not with a knife. You didn’t expect anyone to… to try and slit you open. 

But now, it was all you could imagine, whenever you thought about going outside where all the sharpest implements were. You didn’t know why you still received royalties for your work as the Ultimate Traveler - you barely qualified anymore. 

“You’ll get back there. I know you will,” Gozu said. He exhaled again, a soft and wistful sound, and pressed his forehead against your head. “You already come out to my matches, no matter how far away they are. I’m damn proud of you for that.” 

That was something you had to confess pride over as well. Gozu’s tenure as the Ultimate Wrestler took him to every prefecture in Japan; his unbroken chain of victories didn’t dissuade any of the Great Gozu’s rivals from demanding to challenge him for his crown. It wasn’t easy at first, but you’d found the strength to go watch him every time, even when the thought of spending hours alone on a train made you want to die instead. 

It was a chance to relearn some of the skills that you’d forgotten, to see the rest of Japan again after so long. It didn’t hurt that Gozu ensured you always had the best seat in the house - and once you started dating, he bellowed his affections for you after every inevitable victory. 

“Yeah, but… that’s not the same,” you said. “I’m always going to you, after all.” 

“Then I’ll come with you,” Gozu replied, swift and firm. “If it helps you feel safe, then I’ll go with you next time. Wherever you want.” 

That was enough to make your breath catch for a moment. “I-I can’t ask you to do that--” 

“You’re not asking. I’m telling you that I’m going. ” Gozu cradled your cheek in his powerful hand and tilted your head upward. “You’ve spent too damn long just following me. From now on, I’ll follow you. ” 

Through his wine-red bull’s eyes, his human eyes were full of fervor, of the desire to cherish and protect you from all the darkness and despair in the world. 

Looking into those eyes, you could believe that this man, this amazing and exemplary man, truly loved you. 

Your vision swam again. “You don’t think Munakata or the others will object?” 

Gozu let out a booming laugh. “I can deal with Munakata! Pretentious asshole can run his own damn Foundation. He basically does already. Besides, you and I deserve a good long vacation together.” 

He was so firm that you couldn’t help but trust him. Not that you wouldn’t have otherwise - Gozu had more than proved that he was willing to step out from the Future Foundation when he had his matches. 

For the first time in a while, you smiled right there on your boyfriend’s lap. “I’ll start thinking of places to go. Maybe we can catch a wrestling match. I’m sure you could show up anyone else in the world.” 

At that, Gozu laughed aloud once more. “Hell yeah, I could! High time the Great Gozu saw his international competition! I’ll make damn sure they remember my name!” He roared. Some people found that too much, but you… you’d always adored his spirit. Even all the way back in school, when he was your upperclassman. 

You’d dreamed of getting to know your crush back then. You couldn’t have imagined the pain you’d shamble through in the years to come… 

But right there, in the arms of the Great Gozu, you wouldn’t have changed a thing. 

You buried your face in your boyfriend’s powerful chest again and wrapped your arms as far around his midsection as you could. “Thanks, Gozu. I love you so, so much,” you said,  trying not to choke up again. 

On cue, he picked you up and held you even closer, with the grip of a man keen on never letting go. “I love you too. Don’t ever forget it.”