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Dorothea sighed, she really was never going to amount to anything. She’d been trying to get this whole faith magic thing to work, but how could she believe in the Goddess when her life had gone so horribly? She wiped the sweat off her brow and looked at her teacher.
“You’ll get it eventually, Dorothea.”
Dorothea attempted to smile at Professor Manuela, but the result was more of a grimace.
“I’m sorry, Manuela.”
“It just takes some practice, dear. We’ve been working at it for a while so why don’t you rest up?”
Manuela was acting so motherly, but Dorothea knew that she must be disappointing her teacher.
“Okay. Thank you.”
Manuela smiled, pleased that her student wasn’t making a fuss like she often did when asked to take a break. Dorothea had a thirst to prove that she was just as good as her noble classmates, and while Manuela respected that, Dorothea often overworked herself.
Dorothea watched as her teacher left the training grounds, she definitely had much more important things to do than help Dorothea with her failure in white magic. She cleaned herself up, disgusted by how exhausted she was without even achieving anything.
She had felt the magic coursing through her, the familiar tingling in her finger tips pulsing steadily, but she still couldn’t figure out how to release it and use that power. It was like a cork in a wine bottle that wouldn’t let a single drop escape, no matter how much she shook it.
She didn’t know why Byleth had assigned her to work on her faith magic, especially since they probably knew how horrible she was at it. She wanted to ask, but she knew she would only get a stony stare or maybe a cryptic hand gesture in response.
She sighed and pushed down her feelings of failure, the only one who knew how inadequate she felt was Manuela, and it had to stay that way. If any of her classmates knew how she really felt about herself when the image she projected was that she was just as worthy and deserving as them, she wouldn’t know what to do.
She left the training grounds and made her way to the dining hall. She and Manuela had been training during dinner to avoid any spectators since Dorothea didn’t want anyone to witness her failure. Dinner should still be going on though. With so many students at the academy, the dinner hours had to be quite generous.
She entered the dining hall as many students were leaving, but she wasn’t too bothered. People hardly gave her a second glance. She got a Garreg Mach meat pie and sat down at the end of one of the long tables. She almost ordered herself a Saghert and Cream but after her lousy attempts at magic earlier she didn’t feel that she deserved to treat herself.
How was she supposed to believe that the goddess cared for her when she had left her on the streets all those years ago? How could there be a goddess when Dorothea had seen all the pain on the streets of Enbarr, when suffering was just part of the daily routine. Dorothea didn’t have much to complain about for herself, she was one of the lucky ones, she had survived.
It made her so angry that everyone just expected her to perform faith magic so easily. She tried, she read any religious material she could find in the library, (which was a lot), she had even had a (much too long) conversation with Seteth about the goddess, but it all just felt fake to her. How could the goddess allow so much pain. How could she allow so many children, including Dorothea, to be hurt.
She pushed her food around, frustrated. She needed to calm down.
“Dorothea, mind if I join you?”
Dorothea looked up at Edelgard. She had a small smile on her face that made Dorothea’s heart flutter.
“Sure, Edie.” She looked back down at her food, she needed to pretend away all of her emotions. Luckily, all her years with the Mittelfrank Opera Company had taught her how to be an excellent actress.
As soon as Edelgard sat down, Dorothea struck up a conversation about their latest assignment from Byleth. Edie took the hint not to ask too much about Dorothea’s previous mood and easily kept up the conversation as Dorothea ate her now room-temperature food.
After Dorothea had finished the pie, Edelgard got up and took the plate back to the counter despite Dorothea’s protests. She returned in only a minute with two plates of saghert and cream. Dorothea frowned, about to protest the food (she didn’t deserve it when she wasn’t even able to heal a paper cut) when Edelgard spoke.
“Before you say anything, Dorothea, I know you like this dessert.”
“I mean, I do, but-”
“Then let’s eat.” She said it kindly but her expression was stern and left no room for discussion. Dorothea sighed and took the plate, there wasn’t a point in arguing when Edelgard was in leader mode.
The dessert did taste fantastic (it was one of her favourites, after all), and despite herself, she started to feel better as she chatted and laughed with Edie. When they were finished eating, they were the only ones left in the dining hall, but Dorothea didn’t mind at all.
They went out to the pond and watched the fish swim around in the fading light. Dorothea liked this feeling, the comfortable silence the two were able to share was unique to her. She felt like… she didn’t have to prove herself to Edie, at least not as much as to others.
Edelgard sighed beside her. She really was beautiful, but that wasn’t why Dorothea liked her; it was her drive, her competence, but also her kindness. Dorothea loved how she seemed to genuinely care about her classmates, how she was mysterious yet everyone knew that they could rely on her when it counted on the battlefield. Dorothea was tired of people only caring about appearances, and she knew that Edelgard actually valued her as a person. Well… knew was a strong word, maybe hoped?
“Dorothea, if something is on your mind I’m happy to listen.”
“Edie, the only thing on my mind is how to get you to fall in love with me.” Dorothea giggled.
“Please be serious. I saw your expression earlier and it was honestly a little concerning.”
“Aw, Edie, you’re worried about me.” Edelgard didn’t look amused. Dorothea let out a sigh. “I know, I know. I’ve just been thinking, trying to… figure something out.” She shrugged. “I’ll come to you if there’s anything you can help with.”
“I trust you will, Dorothea.”
Dorothea smiled weakly and nodded. They returned to their silent gazing, but Dorothea was broken from the spell. She couldn’t figure out healing magic, what if people died because of that, because of her? The sun was almost set when Edelgard spoke.
“I’m sorry, Dorothea, I’ve got to get going. Hubert is probably worried about me.” She smiled apologetically.
“No worries.” Dorothea smiled back. “Thanks for the date, I’m one step closer to winning your heart!”
Edelgard rolled her eyes. “You know, I always thought your flirting was more tolerable than Sylvain’s, but maybe you are simply his equal.”
“Ouch, Edie.” Dorothea laughed.
As soon as Edelgard left, Dorothea dropped her cheery facade. She sighed and stared down at the large fish swimming very close to her, it was apparently certain that she was about as skilled at fishing as Alois was. She envied its simplicity, not having to think about anything.
She took in a breath and walked to her room. It on the bottom floor, along with the ones for the other commoners, and just made her mood worse. Everyone already saw her as inferior, the room just reminded her of her ‘place’ in the world.
She shut her door with more force than was probably necessary. She grabbed the first book off her shelf, curled up on her bed, and started reading to get her mind off of everything. This strategy’s usefulness deteriorated quickly as her attention span gave up on reading about the founding of the Adrestian Empire in favour of focusing on her magic dilemma.
It was so easy for Mercedes or Marianne or Manuela or anyone else because they just believed that the goddess was so good and amazing. Linhardt, she wasn’t as sure about, but she knew that asking him would be useless since his thought process was always confusing, (if he even had one for this, he probably just woke up one day able to heal). Dorothea sighed in frustration as she placed her book down. Why was this so hard for her to understand when other magic came so easily?
She felt the prickle of electricity on her fingertips and sighed. She stared up at her ceiling in the dim candle light. The sun had set hours ago, but she was no closer to sleep. She put her book back on the shelf and went to blow out her candle when she saw something, someone, outside. She made a quick decision and grabbed the candle holder.
The door creaked a little as she opened it, but other than that, the only noise was the gentle breeze. Dorothea walked over to the bench where the figure sat, she knew the hair meant that it was either Lysithea or Edelgard, and Dorothea couldn’t help but hope it was the latter. She rounded the bench and smiled.
“Hey.” She said it softly, hoping not to startle.
Edelgard tensed up and only half relaxed when she realized who it was.
“Dorothea.”
Edelgard gestured beside her and Dorothea sat down, gently placing the candle down on the other side.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Dorothea wanted to reach out and offer some form of comfort but wasn’t sure if it would be welcome.
“Just some unpleasant dreams.” Edelgard turned to Dorothea. “What about you?”
“Just… thinking too much. My brain won’t shut up, you know?”
Edelgard nodded slowly. “Feel free to talk about it if you want.”
Dorothea didn’t want to talk about it; she didn’t want Edie to know how worthless she felt. She didn’t want Edie to stop liking her because of her inability to believe in the goddess. But Dorothea didn’t like how shaken Edie looked, didn’t like how she had startled when Dorothea appeared. Dorothea couldn’t help but feel that maybe her friend’s supportive offer was also a request to distract her from her own thoughts. Dorothea didn’t want Edie to know how weak she was, but she was already taking a breath to begin talking.
“Well to be honest,” Dorothea began, looking down at her hands folded together in her lap so that Edelgard couldn’t see her face. “I’ve been having some trouble with learning Faith magic.” She glanced sideways and saw Edie tilting her head towards Dorothea, listening attentively. “I can feel it, the magic, but I just can’t… get it out. It’s just stuck.” Dorothea took a deep breath, and steeled herself. “Manuela said that you need to believe in something, have faith in something. But I can’t, I don’t… After what I’ve been through, I can’t believe in the goddess.”
Dorothea waited in silence for Edelgard’s reaction, maybe a shocked gasp or just getting up and leaving. What she didn’t expect was the warm hand on her shoulder, comforting and firm. In her surprise, Dorothea stared at Edelgard who now had a serious look on her face. The next words out of Edie’s mouth surprised her even more.
“Me too.”
“You don’t… hate me?” Dorothea was in disbelief.
Edie shook her head. “Of course not.” She paused, her voice turned cold. “She failed you.”
Dorothea nodded. “I just can’t believe in her after everything I’ve seen, growing up on the streets.” Dorothea shuddered. “No-one should have to go through that. I can’t believe in a goddess who would just sit back and let that happen.”
“She failed me as well. She is not benevolent, she is cruel.”
Dorothea looked at Edelgard, her previous demeanour replaced with conviction as she stared up at the sky. Edie turned to Dorothea with a smile tugging at her lips. She placed her hands over Dorothea’s and stared into her eyes. Dorothea felt her face heat up at the contact and a bubbly feeling rise up, but she shoved it down as Edie started speaking.
“Don’t worry, I plan on creating a better world. A future without unnecessary suffering, where nobles are no better than commoners, crests are meaningless, and status is determined by pure skill.”
“That does sound nice.” Dorothea confessed.
“It will undoubtedly take time and effort, to walk the path towards that future. It will come at a great cost, but I’m willing to sacrifice everything for that future. I believe that I can make the world better.”
She paused thoughtfully. “You don’t have to make any decisions now, but I would love for you to join me in creating that world. We do make a great pair.”
“Edie, it sounds… far away right now, I’ll admit. But, I think I’d like to see that world. I want to make things better for everyone who comes after.”
Edie smiled. “I agree completely.”
The candle flickered out finally, drowning in its own wax.
“Oh, it’s much later than I thought. I apologize for keeping you up.”
“Don’t apologize, Edie. I’m the one who disturbed you anyway.”
“Nonsense.” Edelgard stood up and offered a hand to Dorothea.
Dorothea accepted and was surprised by Edie’s strength as she was pulled up with ease. Their faces were only an inch apart making Dorothea grateful that the candle had extinguished itself so Edie couldn’t see her blush.
“Good night, Dorothea.” The smile in her voice was evident.
“Good night.” She replied, slightly dazed.
Dorothea grabbed the candle holder and headed back to her room. She felt even more exhausted than before, but also… happier?
She shook her head and climbed into bed, falling asleep the second she laid down.
—
“Alright, Dorothea. Let’s give this a try!”
Dorothea nodded, determined. She focused on her healing magic, and felt her fingers tingle. Then, she tried something new.
Dorothea thought about the future, not the one she usually saw when she thought about a family of her own or her career as an opera singer, she thought about Edelgard and the future she envisioned. A future where it didn’t matter if you were a commoner or a noble, a world where no child would be left to starve on the street. A world where no-one would look down on anyone else.
The cork popped. It didn’t fly across the room, it didn’t even fully come off the bottle, but the seal was broken. The magic began to flow, slowly and inexperienced, but it was there.
Dorothea looked at Manuela in amazement.
“I knew you could do it. I’m proud of you.”
Dorothea smiled. “Thank you for all your help, Manuela.”
“Oh come on, dear. It was all you.” Manuela beamed at her pupil. She really was proud of her student’s progress, despite it being difficult, Dorothea had overcome whatever was blocking her. She was truly a hard-working individual.
“If you say so.” Dorothea laughed.
Maybe she still wasn’t the best at it, but she had overcome her block, faith. She didn’t believe in the goddess, she couldn’t, no matter how hard she tried. But maybe, just maybe, she could believe in Edelgard’s world. She could believe in that future, that distant dream. She could believe until it became a reality.