Chapter Text
He's going to kill me, isn't he?
There was nothing he could do now except look away, Kaeya didn’t want his own brother being the last thing he sees. If he dies that means he failed Khaenriah. All his people, losing their only hope. What a pity.
“I hate you. So..much.” Diluc managed to say, his voice cracking a bit and Kaeya braced himself. But the fire never came. It didn’t finish the job of all his other bleeding wounds, especially his eye which now hurt so much that the man gagged whenever he was reminded of it.
Instead, ice surrounded him. Not abyssal ice, but celestial ice. One of a vision. He would know the unfamiliar and scratchy feeling of celestial power anywhere. Something he should have never had to deal with if it wasn’t for those damned archons.
“No..” Kaeya mumbled when he saw the ice-covered orb in front of him. A mondstat vision. He now laid on his side, he didn’t know how he got into the position but he didn’t care. It was all over, dying would have been a better fate than this.
He couldn’t breathe, such a simple task was replaced with hysterical sobs. Kaeya brought his hands to his ears slowly, not wanting to hear a single thing. Not the sound of Diluc’s flames slowly dissipating, the rain hitting the cement, none of it.
He needed some quiet, just for once he needed some peace. “I c..cant see—please..don’t do this to me..please.” He begged, but this is what he deserves for being a traitor to the people that loved him. None of them would love him if they knew the truth. He trembled with pain from his wounds and fear of the future.
“I..I’m sorry..so sorry. Just please..don’t make me choose-“ He didn’t want to choose between Mondstat and Khaenriah. He couldn’t. He would choose Khaenriah. Slowly Diluc walked away and Kaeya opened his eye, but not moving other than that. He stared at his blood washing away in the rain on the pavement.
The bloodied cement disappeared under Kaeya as he was thrown into a room with carpet, and books lining the walls. Despite the lack of light, Kaeya could see perfectly just as he could back in Khaenri'ah. That's where he was, wasn't he? Back in the library that he would visit as a kid when he was too sad to speak or too angry at his parents to look them in the eye, would he do the same now if he saw his Father? Wall away from him without another word? Hah, how ironic.
The peace didn't last very long, as Kaeya was soon overwhelmed with unfamiliar darkness, but it hurt, and he couldn't move.
"You were supposed to save us." A raspy, almost dead-sounding voice declared.
"We put our lives into your hands Kaeya Alberich, but you failed us." Another one whispered in his ear, but nobody was there.
"I'm sorry! I'm trying I swear just please-" He couldn't finish his sentence. Not before hundreds of whispers began to stir, slowly starting to sound more like screams, hands grabbed at Kaeya, pulling him hard. They ignored his pained sobs without hesitation.
He couldn't breathe or move, or maybe he wasn't breathing on purpose, it seemed about right because why would he want to? Why would deserve to live?
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Kaeya jumped awake, grabbing his bedsheets in tight fists, he brought his shaky hands to his face and sobbed into his palms, as much as he tried he couldn't stop the whispers from echoing in his ears and the feeling of hands all over him made him nauseous.
Nauseous.
"Shit!" Kaeya managed, throwing himself off the bed and barely making it to the bathroom to empty out his stomach in the toilet. He sat with his back facing the wall and brought his knees up to his chin, wrapping one shaky hand around his arm and digging nails into his fragile skin. It would bleed and scar but it helped Kaeya ground himself.
Eventually, Kaeya was able to get up on his own, though his legs threatened to buckle under him at any given moment and his breath still hitched slightly. Once up, he flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink, he refused to look in the mirror. Instead, Kaeya kept his eyes on the faucet as he brought a hand up to his chest, it was cold, and a thin layer of frost formed over the area where his heart is.
"Hah! Of course!" Kaeya burst into a fit of laughter, almost manic.
"Haha..I haven't used my Abyssal power in so long that it's rebelling against me! Hilarious! It's..trying to kill me,"
He slid down the wall again, unwanted tears pouring from his eyes. Kaeya had known for quite a while that this could happen, eventually, the Abyss would catch up to him and his Celestial vision. They couldn't thrive in unison for too long.
Sunlight shined through the small window in front of Kaeya and he rubbed his eyes before getting up and closing the curtain so he could get ready for work, it was nothing like his usual outfit but still enough for people to not question him and bandaged the small wounds left by his nails on his arm.
Before leaving he had a glass or two of wine, he hated breaking into his own personal collection but Kaeya needed something to get him through the morning until he can visit the tavern.
Kaeyas head throbbed horribly, usually a glass of his favorite drink helps ease the pain but nothing was working in his favor today. He rested his elbows on the paper-covered desk, rubbing his eyes again. The cold sensation was still flickering in his chest, but he had become very skilled in the act of hiding feelings and emotions behind a cheerful smile, and it wasn't any different today.
Just as Kaeya let out a stifled sigh, a knock came on the door of his office,
"It's Jean, may I come in?" Her soft voice asked,
Immediately, he perked up and put on a more welcoming expression. "Of course Jean, you should have just called me into your office," She came in, her heels making a soft clinking noise as she shut the door behind her. "You're my superior y'know, at least sit-down." Kaeya gestured slightly at one of the two chairs in front of his desk and when she sat down, he went around to sit next to her which is when he noticed the look on her face, concerned and puzzled.
"Jean, is something troubling you?" Kaeya asked with genuine worry, either something was wrong with Mondstadt or he had fucked up majorly. She let out a sigh,
"Kaeya, have you been doing alright?. I know you have a tendency to hide your injuries. I want to make sure you’re alright, especially as..as the date of your Father’s passing comes up." A shiver went down his spine, he had entirely forgotten the anniversary with all that was on his mind. Silently, he wished she hadn’t mentioned it at all.
Kaeya smiled, trying to escape this conversation all together, "Jean, you worry far too much. Fortunately for you, my skin remains on my bones. And as far as that goes, I have been doing quite alright, I assure you." Kaeya reassured, placing a cup of tea in her hands.
Though his wished now to erase the reminder from his mind as his hands shivered slightly.
She took a small sip of the tea, her expression seemed to soften and the concerned look washed away. "I suppose I must take your word for it, I won’t press. At least go home now, you seem like you haven't gotten much rest. I want you to take care of yourself, Kaeya.”
He smiled gently, "Really, I'm the one without sleep? Look at you Jean," He brushed his thumb on the dark circles under her eyes, "You should take your own advice, forbid you become a hypocrite." Kaeya chided, and she let out a small laugh.
She nodded slowly, "Archons Kaeya, just go home, for now, you've done enough."
"Is that a direct order?" Kaeya asked, standing up and returning to his seat behind the desk.
"If it makes you get some rest, then yes, it is." Jean placed her teacup down on the saucer and brought her gaze back up to Kaeya.
He chuckled, "alright alright, Acting Grand Master, I'll go home. My word, you want me gone so bad?"
"Kaeya, you know that's not why." She replied without another thought and he didn't grace it with a proper response, just a nod.
He left a little while after but didn't go home. That's the last place he wanted to be, instead, he went to the tavern. Home isn't really home, there was no home left for Kaeya. He wasn't deserving enough of one and so he washes away that numb feeling with alcohol, that way his feelings are just blurred enough for him to survive in a world he doesn't belong in.
So of course, his night would end at the Tavern— fullt prepared to drown his feelings in liquor. Diluc was at the bar, barely glancing up when Kaeya sat down on a stool.
"Death After Noon, please Master Diluc." He requested, a playful tone laced into his words. Diluc eyed him before pouring Kaeya the drink and setting it on the table. "Kindest regards," Kaeya drawled childishly, the other rolled his eyes and got back to cleaning the cups.
He took a few sips from his drink before the Bard started singing, only causing the ache in his mind to grow. This ballad was just as repetitive as the others, nonsense about adventuring that was more like stabbing to Kaeya’s exhausted mind rather than comforting. Kaeya couldn't remember when he'd figured out that the short Bard was really the Anemo Archon, but he didn't care much. His mind wandered from one thought to another, but it always came back to one thing.
I'll be dead soon.
Kaeya didn't know what to make of it, part of him was..relieved that it was happening, he'd be gone soon. unable to disappoint anyone any further. He'd already lost enough.
"-aeya. Kaeya!" He shot up, almost dropping the drink.
"What?" Kaeya responded, annoyance seeping into his voice and he winced at the break in character. Diluc looked back at him with a confused look,
The redhead seemed slightly shocked at Kaeya’s snappy reaction. He watched as the man regained his stoicism, "The Tavern has closed. Surely, you don’t act this way on duty," He didn't drop the look, “Though can I expect more from lousy knights such as you?” He scoffed, his gaze left Kaeya as he continued cleaning off a glass.
The mindless jab at the Favonious prompted Kaeya to roll his eyes, "You're being insanely foolish Master Diluc, I assure you, my current state does not affect the future of the Knights. " But did it? Would the city spiral without their Calvary Captain? Perhaps Diluc would take Kaeyas's place out of pity. How humiliating it was for that thought to even arise.
There was a small change in the bartenders expression. Later, Kaeya would insist it hadn’t softened in the slightest. He cleared his throat before speaking, “Your current state. Is that to say something is wrong? Are you drunk?”
Kaeya scoffed, "I've barely finished a single glass."
"And that's somehow even more suspicious considering you." Diluc set the cup he was cleaning down with an excessive amount of force, it rang throughout the entire tavern. Which was entirely empty.
"Suspicious? I’m not sure I know what you mean to get at. If you’re concerned for the safety of Mondstadt, I figure the Darknight Hero has that under control."
Diluc’s grip he had on the rag visibly loosened and he glared at Kaeya, he squirmed under the uncomfortable look.
“Alright then Kaeya, let me spell it out for you, since you require such assistance. What is wrong with you?”
The question startled Kaeya far too much, the bite in his words was almost shameful to hear. But it is rare for Diluc to ask any questions pertaining to Kaeya himself— about the knights, maybe. But him? Despite the clear lack of empathy, the question still felt deeply personal.
Kaeya swallowed it, because Diluc could not care for how he is. “Nothing is wrong with me, your judgment decieves you. Since you are so concerned with the quality of the Knights, I should inform you that I have work to do. So much in fact, that I do not save time for your inquiries. I'll say it again, my current state is no threat to Mondsadt." He practically spat the words, which was unusual for Kaeya, he'd never lose his cool so easily and part of him didn't want to be arguing with Diluc today, he'd rather sit there nagging him for however long he has left but something about the way the other man was speaking made Kaeya disgusted.
The redheads face hardened again, the crease in his brows grew in permanence, “Clearly you have enough time on your hands to lose yourself in my Tavern. Something is wrong.”
"Drop it, Diluc." Kaeya set a bag of Mora down on the table. "Please." He added, it sounded more like a plead than much else.
Kaeya left in a hurry, not letting Diluc get another word in, he ran a few fingers through his hair to try and quell the emotions burning in him.
No, not burning. Freezing over.