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It was illogical. At least, that's how Donnie felt about it.
He knew the actual logistics behind it, why his body did what it did, what led up to it, but yet it was stupid. And so, to Donnie, his stimming was illogical.
Of course, his brothers would hate to hear him think that way about something that was such a big part of what made Donnie, Donnie. On some days he could handle it, and even liked it about himself.
But days like today? Donnie wished nothing more than for a way to fix the illogical behavior. To fix himself.
Of course, there were always technological possibilities for everything, including something as small as his brain needing extra stimulation once in a while. However, brains were so complicated, and as much as Donnie trusted himself with his tech, there were things that just shouldn't be messed with.
Case in point, after messing with his brothers' levels of intelligence- a time he does truly regret, not just for the consequences of their behavior towards him but also the invasiveness of it all- he made a silent vow to himself to leave any and all mental matters alone.
Sadly, that included his dumb brain and its dumb need to physically stimulate itself.
Currently Donnie sat at his desk, attempting to work on numerous necessary projects. Attempting being the key word.
He couldn't for the life of him focus, his hands tensing and needing to be flapped and clenched tight every so often. It felt like bugs crawling up his body as he tried to resist and just focus, the sensation as if his entire being was dirty and needed to be cleansed.
The consistent flapping and clenching of his hands hurt, his muscles tense and his shoulders hunched.
At some point during the night, Donnie had removed his battle shell and bandana, the sensation of them rubbing on his soft shell and skin becoming overwhelming. Instead, he replaced them with his favorite oversized comfort hoodie, the fabric just loose enough to not bother him.
And yet, he still found himself needing to stim uncontrollably even late into the night, when most of the stimuli of his environment dulled as his brothers and father most likely slept.
It was bothersome. It was frustrating. It made Donnie want to cry.
Logical Donatello, the brains of the group, defeated by his own hand. Or, hands.
Sighing, Donnie rubbed up against his head to the back of his neck, leaving his hands there as he took a deep breath.
Maybe he should go to bed? It had crossed his mind when his stims had started to intensify, no doubt increasing due to his heightened anxiety.
Part of him couldn't bear that thought however, needing his projects to be completed before he even considered laying down. He needed to get this done, he needed to finish and perfect it before morning.
The exhausting mental debate of sleep versus finish your work didn't help with his already building anxiety, and Donnie found himself clenching his hands painfully tight and scrunching up his face, letting out a small noise of despair as he curled in on himself in his chair.
"...You doin' okay over there?"
The sudden sound echoed throughout the lab, causing Donnie to startle out of his chair and hit the floor.
"Ah- ow." He rubbed his head, momentarily distracted from his personal dilemma as he glanced at the lab door.
Standing at the entrance was none other than his "twin"- although the two weren't actually twins, and Donnie had made sure to reiterate that everytime Leo had called him it.
Donnie picked up the chair that had knocked over in his fall, pushing himself up to sit against his desk.
"Did you need something, oh dear brother of mine, or was your goal to give me a heart attack this fine night?"
He watched as Leo strode into his lab, the slider approaching him with his arms crossed.
"First of all, it's five a.m. Not exactly night anymore, is it bro?" Leo made a show of forcing his phone's clock in Donnie's direction for him to see. He noted that it was indeed 5:27 in the morning and no longer night. Huh.
"Second, dude, did you even sleep last night? Like, I know 'scientific evil genius' is kinda your whole thing, but even evil geniuses need sleep sometimes, Dee."
Donnie rolled his eyes, giving Leo a look full of attitude. "Oh really Nardo, please do tell me when you last slept tonight. No lies either, I know your tells."
He did know Leo, and he knew of Leo's insomnia. The whole family did, including even Splinter. Donnie had at one point offered to make something to help the red-eared slider, but his "twin" had declined, his loss.
"I- you know that's not the same thing Don."
The soft shell smirked "Pot. Kettle. Black."
Leo's mouth opened to most likely argue, but his gaze fell to the floor where Donnie's battle shell and bandana lay, having been thrown earlier that night.
Donnie observed as Leo's mouth clamped shut, his face pinching with concern. He tensed in anticipation of the questioning that his brother would no doubt interrogate him with.
"Donnie..." There it was. He tensed up even further, practically pressing himself against his desk, his eyes looking anywhere but at Leo.
"What's going on, Don?" He asked with genuine concern, and oh did Donnie hate the sincere worry on the slider's face.
"I'm fine, everything's fine Leon." He said unconvincingly. Donnie had never been good at lying, especially under stress.
Leo stood there for a moment, scrutinizing Donnie with concern. "Wanna try again, bro?"
Groaning, Donnie slumped against himself. Of course Leo wouldn't let this go easily. "Truly, my dear brother, I am perfectly sound. Now, how about letting me get back to my work?"
"No-pe," Leo popped the P, closing in on Donnie. "To get a free pass to work again, you gotta tell me what's up."
"The ceiling." He deadpanned, groaning when Leo's stare didn't let up. "Fine, fine. You promise you'll let me get back to my endeavors once I explain it to you?"
The slider held up his hand, standing straight. "I, Leonardo, promise. Now, explain?"
Sighing for what felt like the millionth time that night, Donnie rubbed a hand down his jaw. "...Okay."
An uncomfortable silence passed as Donnie tried to prepare himself to explain.
"I- uhn..." His mouth hung open, but words failed him, his anxiety bubbling up and increasing along with his need to stim.
Donnie clenched his fists, bunching his sweatshirt up in his palms as he tugged his arms tighter around himself. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the world around him.
"Hey, hey Donnie it's okay-" Donnie blinked his eyes open to Leo standing above him, face laced with worry, and when had Donnie gotten on the floor?
"Shh, calm down little bro. Focus on me, deep breaths." He had thought he was breathing, but the shallow pants of air not fully reaching his lungs said otherwise.
"That's it, breathe with me. Just follow my breathing."
The two sat on the ground for a few minutes as Donnie brought his breathing to a tolerable level, Leo next to him acting as his guide, but not-quite touching him. After a moment, he regained his composure, coughing in embarrassment.
"W-well. How would we rate this situation? Terrible? Very terrible? Absolutely very terrible?"
"Donnie."
"Sorry, sorry, I know. Just- justabadstimday." He forced out, looking anywhere but at Leo.
"I heard stim in all that, I think? Have you been having an off-day with stimming?"
For once, Donnie was grateful his brother seemed to be able to read him like an open book. He nodded, looking down in embarrassment.
Leo put his hand to his chin in thought. "Too much stimulation, or too little?"
Donnie considered that for a moment, before shaking his hand in a so-so gesture.
"Both? Dee, why didn't you just head to bed?"
He shrugged, causing the slider to raise his brow.
Donnie crumbled under the persistent stare. "Ughh, you're just as bad as Raph. I couldn't go to bed knowing my work wasn't finished, no matter how bad I wanted to." As if to taunt him, his body yawned right as he finished speaking.
Leo clapped his hands together. "Alright then, c'mon Don, time for bed. No buts."
Donnie raised a finger up anyways. "Objection, you agreed to let me continue working after I shared with you what was troubling me."
Leo held out a hand for the shorter turtle to take. “Aaand, as your twin, experiencing my twinlepathy, I made the executive decision to lie and gain your trust for your future benefit."
The soft shell rolled his eyes, shoving the offered hand away and pushing himself up. "Correction, we aren't actually twins."
"Correction, I don't care." He said, before gesturing for Donnie to follow.
Leo began to walk ahead of Donnie as if leading the turtle to his own bed. Scoffing, Donnie trailed after him, stumbling through the cold, spacious lab to his room space.
The second Donnie's eyes laid on his bed, he felt a rush of exhaustion sweep over him, his shoulders slumping.
"Up the bed, that's it."
"You don't need to baby me Nardo, I am quite capable of going to bed on my own." He grumbled out tiredly.
Leo smirked. "Of course I gotta baby you, you're my baby bro, bro!"
Donnie stopped, giving him a blank stare. "Leon, we are quite literally the same age."
"I'm totally a few minutes older, it's why I get big brother privileges. And with those privileges, I get to baby my baby brother."
Knowing this would go nowhere and being much too worn out to argue, Donnie raised his hands up in surrender. "Alright, I get it, just stop saying 'baby' already."
Leo's smug smile didn't deter Donnie from pushing past him, shoving the taller turtle slightly to the side as he headed up the ladder to his bed.
As soon as he laid back against the comforter however, Donnie felt a sense of dread envelop him. He still hadn't finished his projects, he still has so much work to do, he-
"Dee." Leo's voice snapped him out of his overwhelming train of thought, bringing him back to reality.
Reaching out in a rare moment of vulnerability, Donnie grabbed the end of his brother's pajama sleeve. "Stay?" He asked, voice small.
The slider's face softened. "Sure, little bro."
Climbing up to Donnie's bed, Leo made sure to leave a small amount of space between the two, knowing Donnie's usual boundaries.
But that wasn't what Donnie wanted.
He pulled the other closer into a semi-hug, relishing in the comforting touch.
Leo startled in surprise, his eyes widening before softening again. "Just let me know if it gets to be too much, Don."
Donnie nodded against Leo's shoulder, eyes blinking slowly before falling closed. His obsessive thoughts had calmed significantly and he, for the first time that night, felt safe.
Not even a few minutes later, light snores sounded from the soft shell. Leo grinned before closing his own eyes, drifting off into his own peaceful slumber knowing that his twin was okay.
If, by chance, later that morning when Raph and Mikey decided to wake Donnie and Leo up for breakfast, they allowed the duo to sleep in, no one mentioned it.
No one mentioned the photos Mikey had taken of the two cuddling for blackmail, either.