Chapter Text
In the middle of the Greed Black Heart Circus, a pair of imps stood inside the giant big top, one holding a knife in a shaking hand, the other, in full clown costume was standing to the side sniggering. Ahead of them was a target dummy with an imp chalked outline, with a tiny red bullseye just above the imp drawings head.
“Tenth shot now” Fizzarolli said in a sing song voice as he stood back, bouncing from foot to foot.
“Please stop distracting me” Moxxie said, his voice pleading as he pulled back his hand to throw.
“It will be distracting during the performance. I’m helping!” Fizzarolli said, doing cart wheels around his imp friend, even going so far as to roll in the way of Moxxie’s target.
“Don’t do that!” He shrieked, holding the knife down to not accidentally kill his annoying clown of a friend.
“Relax. If you miss I have some material worked out based on where you hit. Accidentally get him in the eye, the head, lung, arm, you name it. So all good” Fizzarolli said, stopping as he waited for Moxxie to make the final swing.
As Fizzarolli and Blitzo were clowns in the circus, Moxxie, Blitzo’s younger brother had his own role when the lights were down and the music playing. He was a trainee knife thrower. His job when he was finally allowed to perform would be to throw knives at targets with imps standing in the way, holding apples and other things to pierce. Classic Circus act. Whilst in training however, he technically had the easiest job in the circus. To be said imp who stood infront of the target.
For years having knives thrown at him night after night had made Moxxie a nervous wreck, despite himself, Fizzarolli and Blitzo all knowing the stage knives were trick weapons, not likely to cut into the skin… well not deep anyway.
Moxxie would be allowed to perform the act himself but only if he could prove, at the very least, he could reliably hit one of the targets ten times in a row without injuring the outline.
And Moxxie always, as reliably as clockwork, failed on the last shot. All three teenagers knew that Moxxie always lost his nerve, as the very idea of throwing a knife at a living imp, despite the precautions, horrified the young imp.
And just as Moxxie took a breath, wiped the sweat off his brow and took aim…
“He just dropped me!” Blitzo shouted, kicking up dirt as he stormed into the tent.
The outburst caused Moxxie to shriek, knife leaving his hand and hitting the imp right where his or her heart would be.
Fizzarolli looked like he wanted to laugh and whispered to Moxxie “Looks like he suffered a ‘Heart Attack’. Get it, Heart- attack”.
Looking annoyed as Blitzo stomped his way slowly to the big tops centre, Moxxie whispered back “That isn’t funny”
“Of course Heart Attacks aren’t funny. They are very serious, Mox” Fizzarolli said, mock incredulity on his face. It went away as soon as Blitzo had gotten close.
“Your dad took you out of the clowns?” Fizzarolli asked but to Moxxie, Fizzarolli didn’t sound surprised.
“What are you going to do now?” Moxxie asked, giving Fizzarolli a worried look. He hated seeing his brother emotional like this.
“Grunt work. Setup, selling hotdogs…. Fuck!” Blitzo shouted out as he continued. “I really thought that last act would have convinced him.
“I’m sure this is temporary. You know how he is” Fizzarolli offered, trying to calm his friend.
“Yes I know how my dick of a father is. It's because of that I know this WON’T be temporary.” Blitzo spat, still looking furious.
Fizzarolli sighed. He wanted to support Blitzo. He really did… but this was not the first time this sort of argument between Blitzo and his Dad Cash Buckzo had occurred. And though he tried to hide it…a small part of him was happy Blitzo had been removed from the clowns.
He had been dealing with Blitzo for years, constantly failing at his performances and whining about how his ‘ball busting’ jokes kept failing. As kids Fizzarolli had not cared. But now? Now Fizzarolli was getting annoyed at having to carry his friend through the routines. He had to work off his failed laughs to salvage the performance, screwing up his own routine. He knew there were scouts out there who were on the lookout for talent and if he caught the right demon’s eye with one solid performance… who knew where it could lead.
The problem was Blitzo kept trying to improvise. Make up stuff on the spot he was sure would be a crowd pleaser but usually fall to dead silence. And today had been, unfortunately, the last straw.
“I had a whole routine setup for next opening I know will work” Blitzo said, kicking the circus tent dirt in frustration
Fizzarolli knew his ‘routine’ would be 2-3 unlinked, unrelated and unfunny jokes.
“I’m sure you could use them somewhere else. Like outside the bigtop in the carnival area or something” Moxxie offered weakly.
“It doesn’t matter. Fuck, how far in the shitter am I am not even allowed to be a clown” Blitzo spat out.
Fizzarolli’s sympathy at that moment dried up as, like a damn bursting, shot back ““You wouldn’t be out of the clowns if you just shut up you fucking mouth” Fizzarolli said, feeling the words come out of his mouth before he could stop them.
Moxxie froze, shocked into silence as Blitzo looked Fizzarolli dead in the eyes, mouth hanging open.
He quickly collected himself as he just said, tone clipped “What?”
Feeling like he had crossed a line, Fizzarolli just kept on going. “He’s told you time after time to just be quiet, do your acrobatics and shut like everyone else. Why do you always insist on grabbing the spotlight?”
“Well screw you, dick. Just cause you’re always the center of attention out there” Blitzo shot back, advancing him.
Moxxie tried to act as peacemaker as he walked up “Guys, guys. Can we-”
“I’m the fucking star Blitzo. And that's not ego speaking, but the actual introduction I get when I get on the stage. And do you know why?”
“Oh fucking please tell me oh wise one. Some of us might not have your talent” Blitzo said snarling.
“Guys please!” Moxxie said desperately as he put himself between the pair.
“I put the work in Blitzo. Screw talent, I practice. You don’t. That's it!” Fizzarolli spat. This had been boiling over for months now but as he spoke he was already regretting what he was doing. He didn’t want to kick his friend whilst he was down.
“Look. I’ll help you with your act Blitzo. We can-”
“Oh no. Fuck you. Fuck everyone, I don’t need you pity. I-” Blitzo began, looking like he was ready to start swinging before Cash walked out.
“Blitzo shut the hell up. I don’t need any tantrums this early in the day” He said as he scanned the three.
Blitzo stood there fuming but held himself back. Moxxie tried to advance on his brother and placate him but the moment he put a hand on his arm, Blitzo shook it away.
“Good. Hell blessed silence. Now Blitzo, head to town. We need some feed for the hellaphants. You two” Blitzo said, nodding over to Moxxie and Fizzarolli. “Fill up and start the generator.”
Blitzo looked from his dad, back to Moxxie and Fizzarolli and then just stormed off without a word.
Cash gave an annoyed sigh as he took out a bottle of some cheap booze from his pocket before he walked off, muttering about teenages and how dramatic they were.
In silence Fizzarolli left the tent, hearing the patter of Moxxie following behind him. He knew Moxxie wanted to say something to him but couldn’t. If Blitzo was the brash confident brother, Moxxie did his best to balance him out by being the most timed imp Fizzarolli had ever met.
“Just say it Mox” Fizzarolli said, annoyed as they left the tent and headed to the caged off area around the main circus’ generator, an old barely functional power generator that took some noxious smelling fuel to power all the lights and attractions around the circus.
“You didn’t… you didn’t need to say that, Fizz” He said eventually.
“Didn’t I?” Fizzarolli shot back, annoyed Moxxie was, of course, taking his brother's side.
“Not like that… it didn’t have to devolve into a fight”
“I am through with the positive enforcement Mox. He needs a wakeup call.” Fizzarolli said as they both arrived at the cage surrounding the generator, unlocking the padlock and walking up to the machine.
Silence from his partner who was moving along to the end, pulling a crank to make sure the system was off.
Seeing this, Fizzarolli picked up a nearby hose and fed the end into the generator. Sure it was in place, both he and Moxxie walked to the manual pump, shaped like one of those old mine carts with the two man levers. Both taking a side they began the laborious task of filling the fuel.
“I don’t want to fight,” Moxxie said between cranks. “I just mean…”
“What Mox?” Fizzarolli asked, irritation still plain in his voice.
“It could have been done better.” He said simply.
“.... shit, i know” Fizzarolli said, finally letting his guilt get the better of him. “I don’t mean to go that strong but…”
At this Moxxie grinned. “I know. Its Blitzo” was all he said.
Smiling, happy that at least he and Moxxie were ok, Fizzarolli gave one final push before stopping.
“I’ll start it up, you handle the empty tank” Fizzarolli said as he pulled out and handed the hose pipe to Moxxie, who nodded as he walked over to the drum they had been siphoning from. Fizzarolli simply walked over to the crank Moxxie had set to make sure the system was off, clicked it back down and walked over to the main generator control panel, where he switched on the generator… and then everything went black.
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Ten Years Later
“So Fizzarolli, what appears to be the problem?”
This question came from a tall goatlike demon, sitting behind a desk in the middle of a large ornate office.
Fizzarolli, out of his usual jester outfit, was sitting opposite the goat demon running his metal hand across his face as he groaned. He had been the one to make this last second appointment with his psychiatrist, Dr Omstrun. Usually he would see the doctor every other week to go over the messed up parts of his life and try to get some control over his treacherous brain.
But an hour ago he had gotten a call, Asmodeus was nowhere to be found and he needed someone to talk to to try and process what he had been asked.
“OK, so you know we’ve gone over my childhood” Fizzarolli began
“I would say that part of your life we have returned to almost every session. Is this to do with the accident?” Dr Omstrun asked, his eyes glancing to one of Fizzarolli’s mechanical limbs.
“No… well a little” Fizzarolli said as he scratched the back of his neck. “It’s related. It’s to do with Moxxie…. And Blitzo”
Dr Omstrun nodded. “Ah yes. Blitzo. Go on”
The doctor was not surprised. Out of all his sessions with Fizzarolli, Blitzo did somehow keep popping up. The long running childhood friend of Fizzarolli, along with his younger brother, the third member of their little group, Moxxie. By all past accounts the Doctor had been able to get out of Fizzarolli, the three had been practically inseparable from their meeting as children to the day of the accident.
“So I’m preparing for tonight’s show when someone forwards me a call… and it's Moxxie” Fizzarolli began. “First time we’ve spoken in years, since I left the circus”
“I believe your last meeting with Moxxie was not on the best of terms” Dr Omstrun added, causing Fizzarolli to flinch
“Yeah… since the accident… we weren’t that close” Fizzarolli answered cautiously.
“You mean ‘you’ were not that close. I believe from your accounts you said he made plenty of attempts to keep that connection going” Doctor Omstrun corrected.
“Ok fine. I was done with the little shit. After I had my limbs blown off and left figuring out how to use ‘THESE’ things” Fizzarolli shot back as he flailed both of his noddle-like arms to the doctor. “I was not really, as you have put it, in a ‘Good Place’” he finished sarcastically.
The doctor held up a hand to placate his patient. “I am not trying to assign blame. But as I have said before, you still have unresolved anger from those days. I just want you to be clear to yourself where the anger is directed and where some might be caught in the, as you would put it, ‘crossfire’”.
“Well I didn't just hang up the phone on him. Moxxie gave the whole ‘Oh its been too long’, ‘you doing ok?’, ‘I see you on TV all the time’, bla bla bla… and then he got the point. He was in Lust and was looking for work.”
“He was asking you for a job?”
“He didn’t say it flat out, saying he would be happy just for a chance to catch up and all that but… yeah. He was asking to work at Ozzies… and then added…” And Fizzarolli took a long breath before finishing “that Blitzo was with him”
“... did you talk?”
“No” Fizzarolli said flatly.
“Fine” The doctor said, then asked flatly “Did you ask for this appointment to process this, ask if you should offer them any work or… permission to tell them to get lost”
The last point caused Fizzarolli to shoot up, hitting close to home “What?! I… well why should I?!” he shot back
“You tell me”
“Well. Moxxie maybe. I’m the one who blew him off…giving him a little work in the club wouldn’t be a problem I think but…. crap it, Blizto? That fucker….” Fizzarolli shut his mouth to hold back what he was about to say.
But Omstrun just filled in the silence “...abandoned you, Fizzarolli. That’s the word you used last time when we went over the incident.”
Fizzarolli groaned before spitting out “Yeah, whatever. He left.”
Even as the doctor made notes Fizzarolli felt the old memories popping up, fighting one another for his attention.
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Ten Years Early
It was nearly a week when he had woken up in some hospital room and Cash and Moxxie had told him what had happened. That the generator had exploded, that Moxxie had dragged him out of the fire and wreckage and drove him in a mad rush to the town's local hospital.
He had been in a coma during that time, where whilst he was out, the doctors had saved his life… but at the cost of every one of his limbs, all needing amputation after the doctors had seen a scrapyards worth of shrapnel in both arms and both legs.
“It’s fine Fizzarolli” Cash said, with forced optimism. “The doctors have told us about these robotic prosthetics we can get you. We’ve already paid for the surgery with the insurance money from the explosion. Once you are more healed you will be back on your new feat in no time”
Fizzarolli just stared up at Cash, taking in his “Oh it's fine kid, you’ll get over it” tone as he looked down at the ruins of his body. He couldn’t stop the tears as he looked from one bandaged stumped limb to the next. After a while he had calmed himself, his crying subsiding at the almost embarrassed expression on Cash’s face, when he finally asked where Blitzo was, expecting to be at his side as well.
At this, a silence descended in the room and he was told flatly by Cash that Blitzo was gone.
“What do you mean gone?” Fizzarolli said, his voice raspy and weak.
“We don’t know-” Moxxie began before being cut off by Cash.
“He already messaged me. He’s left the circus. He’s gone”
“What… that doesn’t… he… he doesn’t know about this?” Fizzarolli said. He couldn’t handle what was happening. He just couldn’t process it, it was too much. He needed Blitzo here, more than anything. He needed his friend.
“He does. I told him… he still isn’t coming back… sorry Fizzarolli” Was all Cash said as he looked away. As for Moxxie he just looked at Fizzarolli, shaking his head as if to say “That isn’t right… that can’t be right.
And Fizzarolli, at the news his best friend had up and left him, that his body was in ruins, that his chances of leaving the circus were now likely dead, just stared ahead… and screamed.
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“He doesn’t deserve a thing from me” Fizzarolli said simply, bitterness in his voice.
“Maybe” Doctor Omstrun said, nodding. “But I am not here to help them, Fizzarolli. I am here for you… and though I will say you have made noticeable improvements to your mental health in the time you have been coming here… would you agree?”
Fizzarolli mused over this, his bitter memory ignored as he tried to think over how he was when he first started seeing Doctor Omstrun. He finally gave a reluctant nod.
“From your sessions I believe the nightmares are not as frequent. Your work life and personal life seem perfectly healthy, considering your place of employment… but the fact is, this corner of your life still keeps coming up.”
“Why do you think I come here?” Fizzarolli said irritably. “To try and just stop thinking about it all”
“That is repression, Fizzarolli. That might get you from day to day, but the actual damage is not being treated”
“So you are saying I should do it?” Fizzarolli asked.
“I don’t know. It could make things worse, I won't deny. But it is also might finally give some closure to a very crucial part of your life”
“Damn… I could just give Moxxie some money and tell them to piss off. If he chooses to share with Blitzo, what do I care?”
“You obviously would care… in any case Fizzarolli. You came here, asking for an emergency appointment, which you are lucky I was able to give you with a last minute cancellation. You want to know what I suggest… I say give it a try. If you honestly think there could be issues at your work, then do not go ahead but if this is down to your personal feelings on them… I think the gains outway the potential losses.
“... shit”