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“Every time I see her, my chest just… Feels so explodey.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I can’t stop thinking about her for the rest of the day. Sometimes… Sometimes it’s not even after I see her. It’s when I wake up. Even when I’m dreaming, there’s a good chance she’ll appear.”
“I see.”
“I hear her name and I think ‘Oh my god, her!’ and I get a billion butterflies flying around my stomach. I see someone who looks like her and my blood starts pumping and my face gets warm.”
“Alright.”
“Am I making sense, doc?”
“I’m not your doctor.” Mika sighed, staring at Chisato who was laying on the counter in her work clothes. She threw her legs over and sat up, her arms crossing over her chest. “But yes, you’re making sense.”
“So what is it?” Chisato uncrossed her arms and started twirling a lock of hair, anxiously chewing on her bottom lip. “Am I gonna die? I already almost died once, I can’t do it again!”
“No, you’re not going to die. It just means Takina is your soulmate.”
“Ah, I see.” Chisato sat silent for a moment. “Yeah. That makes sense. I mean, she did fight tooth and nail to save my life, so it only makes sense.” Another moment of silence turned into two, then three, until Chisato’s face burned a brilliant crimson. “I can’t like Takina! That doesn’t make any sense! Aren’t soulmates supposed to be opposite genders?!”
Mika glanced to the side awkwardly and cleared his throat, hoping Chisato wouldn’t notice his own, albeit much less intense, blush. “Not necessarily. I only told you that as a kid for simplicity’s sake. It’s a bit more complicated than that. A soulmate can be anyone of any age, sex, gender, race, ethnicity, nationality, or, in extremely rare circumstances, nonexistent - yes, it could have even been an 80-year-old Russian woman living in America, someone yet to be born, or possibly no one at all. Usually, it’s members of the opposite sex around the same age range. Unusually, though not exactly rare, it’s members of the same sex. Like your case.”
“How sure of you that she’s my soulmate?”
“It’s just a deduction based on what you’ve told me. I can’t possibly be sure, only
you
can. What do you think?”
“I…” Chisato looked down at her hands. She twiddled her thumbs as she stared at the lines and pores that littered her skin. “I mean… I’m not sure. How can I know? I’ve never felt anything like this. I haven’t had a single crush before.”
Mika shrugged and leaned on his cane, his eyes wandering the cafè’s decorations. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Huh? Yeah, of course.”
“I had a soulmate once.” Mika rubbed his jaw, thinking carefully about his wording. “They… He was amazing. I’d been around at this point, and I’ve had numerous partners that I believed were the ones. When I first met him, I didn’t think anything, not anything important, anyway. I found him attractive and, it turned out, he felt the same. I only realized what he was after I had spent the night with him.”
“Are you… Telling me to sleep with Takina?”
“What? No,” Mika waved his hand, his face contorting in disgust. “I don’t want to imagine that, nor endorse that. Though if you do…”
“What? Wear protection? We’re both girls!”
Mika ignored her. “What I’m saying is - take the leap. Maybe she is just a crush. If that’s the case, then you tried, and it gave you experience. Similar to your first mission with the DA; you’re not expected to pass. Failure is a good learning tool. Knowing limitations can lead to greater growth in the future. If she’s not the one - though I genuinely do believe she is for you - then you’ll know that what you’re feeling right now isn’t soulmate related. It’ll only help you in the future.”
Chisato nodded, humming softly. “Alright… But what if she’s my soulmate and I’m not hers ?”
“That’s not very likely. I’m not an expert, though I am well versed in studies on the subject, but as far as I know, there’s been no recorded accounts of unreciprocated soulmate matches. If she’s yours, it’s essentially a certainty that you're hers. Do you think someone like Takina would disobey the DA for just anyone?”
Face dusting red again, Chisato scratched her cheek with a small smile. “No, I guess not. It’s just scary. I never really thought about this stuff until recently. A whole lot of what if’s are running through my head.”
Mika nodded and leaned closer toward her, his own smile appearing on his face. “Take that leap. You’ll come to learn those what if’s have no weight.”
Chisato took a deep breath as she stood in front of the mirror. She toyed with the hem of her red skirt as she eyed her white blouse. Nothing fancy, but nothing too casual, either.
Perfect for walking up to your best friend and admitting you think they’re your soulmate.
Crouching down, she covered her face with both hands, and let out a muffled scream. “I can’t do this! What if she says she doesn’t feel the same? It’d be so awkward!” She took another breath and hugged her knees to her chest, letting it out in a low sigh. “It could ruin our friendship. I can’t tell her. If it’s true that it goes both ways, then maybe I should just wait for her to say it… It’s Takina. She’s super honest and blunt. Sometimes a little too much…
“What am I saying? I can’t just sit idly by and wait for her. Take charge!” She stood up to her full height, staring herself in the eyes in the mirror. “You’re Nishikigi Chisato of LycoReco cafè! You don’t back down from anything!”
One minute later, she was sitting on the ground, face buried in her knees. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. It’s too much. I should take the stupid outfit off and just walk out there in normal clothes and pretend this never happened. I’ll just die alone and sad and pitiful like I deserve.”
But Takina would too.
“Ahh! I hate this! Why couldn’t I be one of those paired with no one? It’d be so much easier!” Chisato flopped on the ground, arms spread out as she stared at the ceiling fan, slowly rotating. “I like what we have,” she whispered to the empty air. “I’m scared of changing it. I’m excited for what could happen if she says yes. But above all, I’m scared of losing Takina.” She closed her eyes and sighed through her nose, feeling the gentle breeze from the fan wash over her skin.
Take that leap.
“But things change.” Opening her eyes, she stood up in resignation. “This will just torture me for the rest of my life. It’s not like normal crushes, I won’t just move on… I’ll feel this way for the rest of my life if I don’t act on it. Maybe Takina’s the same. Shouldn’t I help get rid of this pressure in our chests?”
She walked over to the door and stared at the handle, biting her lower lip as her hand hovered inches away from it. “You can do this, Chisato… Just open the door, go out there, and-”
“And what?” Before she knew it, the door had opened, revealing Takina dressed in her blue Lycoris uniform. She looked at Chisato, her head tilting slightly upwards to meet her eyes, with a beautifully curious look. A year ago, when they first met, Chisato might have seen it as cold; stoic, even, but over the months, she learned every minute detail of her expressions. Takina, always regarded as emotionless and mechanical, was extremely expressive once you learned about her ticks and twitches.
Chisato’s mouth felt like a desert filled with cotton. Drier than the surface of the moon, more chipped than shattered glass, and gaping open stupidly like a goldfish. “Uhhhhh…”
“Yes?” Takina cocked an eyebrow, staring inquisitively at Chisato. Realizing she was looking and sounding dumb, she shook her head and took a hasty step back.
“Th-That, um, I-I, you know…”
“I don’t… Are you okay? You don’t normally stutter. Are you sick?” Takina reached out toward her face, probably to check for her temperature. Chisato dodged the attempt, her throat letting out a panicked, embarrassed laugh.
“S-Stutter? I-I’m not stuttering! You are!”
“Mika!” Takina called out, her voice laced with concern. “I think Chisato’s ill! Can you call the docto-” She yelped as Chisato pulled her inside, slamming the door shut behind her.
“I’m not sick! No need for doctors!” She yelled out before spinning over to Takina, who was busy recovering from the unexpected motion. “I’m not sick, I’m just trying to confe-rrrr with… Sakura… about how she does her hair.”
“Sakura…? You two never talk. In fact, if I remember correctly, you don’t even like her.”
“Not true! I think she’s very admirable and hard-working. She just needs to stop bad-mouthing you all the time.” Chisato crossed her arms and harumphed. “Can I not have friends outside of you?”
“No? I never said that.”
Ah, wait, no. Don’t start a dumb argument out of nothing just to cover your feelings, Chisato!
“W-Well-”
“If you want to go hang out with Sakura, fine.” Takina’s eyebrows furrowed into a scowl. “I won’t stop you. I wasn’t going to, anyways. I just think you’re acting strange. Sorry for worrying.”
“Takina, I-”
Takina stepped past Chisato, opening the sliding door before stepping out. “I’ll be sure to be less concerned in the future.”
God damn it!
Chisato reached out to Takina, but she closed the door before she made it halfway, and was gone by the time Chisato managed to open it.
“... What the fuck did I just do,” she said, placing a hand over her face. “Why am I being so stupid? That was stupid. You’re stupid, Chisato.”
“... and that’s why I’m here, talking to you about ‘hair.’” Chisato finished, sitting on a bench next to Sakura Otome, who looked extremely relaxed yet out of place at the same time. Chisato almost admired it, if she wasn’t currently absorbed in her own self-deprecation.
“So…” Sakura took a bite out of her ice cream, taking a moment to savor it before swallowing. “You like Takina? Just tell her that. S’what I did.”
“Eh? You did? With who?” Chisato sent a surprised look Sakura’s way.
Sakura hummed, taking another bite out of her dessert. “You wouldn’t know her. She’s a 3rd Lycoris - a real cutie. She was shadowing me to become a 2nd Lycoris and we just kinda hit it off. Told her I liked her after we blew the brains outta this Yakuza dude. Super romantic.”
“Right… Yeah, romantic… How did you do it?”
“I just told you. Just tell her, it’s that simple.” Sakura shrugged and finished her ice cream off, sticking her fingers into her mouth to get the remnants. “You’re fumblin’ the ball ‘cause you aren’t playing the game right. You’re thinking about bowling but the game’s baseball, yeah? A strike isn’t a good thing.”
“I’m not thinking a strike is a good thing,” Chisato grumbled. “Whatever that means. I just get so anxious! I can’t just admit my feelings that easy.”
“You told her to let you die. You also ran into a tower of armed grown men before you even had tits. I think this is a bit easier in comparison. Hell, this should be way easier. It’s like the difference between telling a dude he lost his dog to telling him he won the lottery.”
“I don’t think me liking her is like the lottery at all.”
Sakura stood up, stretching her arms high above her head. “You kidding me? You’re the Nishikigi Chisato. Literally the best agent Lycoris has ever seen and probably ever will, don’t tell Fuki I said that, and a total hottie. If you were my soulmate, I’d be over the moon.”
“Th-Thanks?”
“No prob! Good luck with Takina. I’ve gotta get back before Fuki thinks you kidnapped me and makes it a competition to see who can kidnap me better.”
Chisato sat alone on the park bench, staring at a cloud overhead, before deflating with a groan. “I wish I had an ounce of her confidence here.”
“...I love you…”
“M-Me? I love you!”
“What do you want to do, honey?”
“You’re my soulmate? Cool.”
Chisato picked her head up and glanced around, noting the abundance of couples around her. Is this some kind of cosmic prank? Nearly a dozen couples walked, stood, and relaxed in her vicinity, each talking about their day, or admitting their feelings, or something entirely random.
It all looked so… Easy. Nice and easy. Better, even, than what Chisato and Takina had going on; these couples, of various ages and genders, were holding hands, hugging, and, in one case, kissing, completely openly. Chisato imagined herself and Takina in each position, and each one made her nonexistent heart beat faster and faster.
She envied them. Before, she had envied them, albeit silently and only to herself, for their regularity, their normality. Takina had removed that envy just by being around her. Someone similar to her who was also making an effort to live a regular life.
Now she envied them for their ability to express their love freely.
Takina could also help with that . She frowned and tapped a finger on her thigh, her brain racing a million miles per second. She could hold your hand. Hug you. Kiss you.
Her vision blurred.
Say ‘I love you.’
Standing up, she ran. She ignored the surprised noises from the couples she bumped into and ran down the pathway and onto the sidewalk. She ran through crowds of people and across busy streets as her feet carried her as though possessed. She ignored the awed looks of a small squad of 3rd Lycoris, ignoring the knowing look from Sakura who stood among them, and rounded the last corner before she was met with the sight of the LycoReco cafè.
She ran through the door, nearly knocking Kurumi over, and stopped only when she saw Takina, who stared at her with wide eyes. “Chisato? What ar-”
Panting and exhausted, Chisato shouted, “I love you!”
“W-What?”
“I… I love you,” she said, calmer this time. She brushed loose strands of her hair behind her ear, her eyes glancing to the side briefly as her heart jumped. “I wanted to tell you earlier. I got scared. I acted dumb and was mean to you.
“That wasn’t right. I’m just… I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. You’re my best friend and I didn’t want to scare you off. I don’t know much about soulmates but I know you’re mine. Every time I think of you, I want to smile and find you, just so I can see you. I get happier by seeing you smile and hearing you talk and just be beside me. I get excited every day to come here and see you and I try to get as many jobs for us to complete together as possible just so I can be near you.
“I thought it was because I wanted to repay you for trying so hard to save me last year, but… But it’s not. I just want to be around you all the time. Because I love you.”
She stopped, her breath coming out in short pants as she recovered from both the monologue and the sprint. A moment passed and, whether by the silence or time catching up with her, the reality of what she said dug in, and she clenched her eyes shut tightly.
“That was a strike, wasn’t it? Damn it!”
Two soft, warm hands were gently placed on her cheeks, spurring Chisato to open her eyes. She looked down at Takina, red in the face as she averted her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’re right about one thing. You were mean earlier.”
“I-I’m sorry-”
“But,” Takina said, interrupting Chisato. “I understand it. I haven’t been the best with it either, but I’ve known since I heard I’d lose you. It was… Crushing. My heart felt like it had been shot by a .50-caliber sniper.” Gulping, she spoke quieter. “I was terrified to lose you. I tried to distance myself by returning to the DA. I wanted to soften the blow when the time came, but… I couldn’t. When I heard you might need help in the tower I couldn’t stop myself from running to you. It was almost supernatural.”
“So…”
“Yes,” Takina said, sucking in a deep breath. Still speaking softly, she looked back at Chisato. “I love you, too.”
Chisato wrapped her arms around Takina, picking her up in a fierce hug. Her eyes burned and her chest was tight, but she laughed, the pressure from her shoulders lifting. She spun her around a couple of times, ignoring her embarrassed shout. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”
“I get scared too, you know!” She said, frazzled.
“At least we know now,” Chisato said as she put Takina down on her feet. Her smile felt a mile wide on her face. “And I don’t have to go to Sakura for advice anymore.”
A small hand tapped Chisato’s shoulder, drawing her attention. She looked down at the teasing face of Kurumi. “I’m not sure if you two know this, but you two are literally in the middle of a fully occupied cafè.”
“...”
“...”
The two’s blushes were almost volatile as Chisato dragged Takina into the kitchen, the laughs and teasing taunts following them. They were met by Mika who, along with Mizuki, was busy preparing some coffee for customers.
“I see it went well,” Mika said, looking pointedly at their intertwined hands. “Good to see you take my advice.”
“This is gonna be a long day…” Chisato said, her free hand covering her face as best as possible. Takina looked away, lips pressed tight from the embarrassment. Beneath her hand, Chisato’s smile turned into a weak grin as she squeezed Takina’s hand. “So worth it.”