Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Today me and Beth are finding out our Hogwarts houses!”

“We already know our houses.”

“We THINK we know our houses! There’s only one way to find out for sure. I'll go first.”

“Be my guest.”

--

“At Hogwarts, you would want to study…probably broom flying,” he smiles at the camera. “I've never been much for studying… or reading in general.”

“Well, it’s not exactly easy if you’re like us.”

Percy nods at her knowingly and clicks next. “What smell is most appealing to you? The sea! Obviously.”

Annabeth smiles fondly. “I couldn't imagine you picking anything else.”

“Out of four goblets, which would you like to drink?”

“None of them. Don't drink unidentified liquids, kids.”

“This is hypothetical.”

“Hypothetically, don't drink unidentified liquids.”

“I’m picking the potion with the smell of plums and chocolate.”

“Why?”

“It probably tastes good.”

“If you could have a superpower, which would you choose?” A dark look passes over both faces as Percy silently selects the ability to change the past. Annabeth reaches an arm around Percy and he leans in.

A jump cut reveals the two of them holding steaming cups of what appears to be hot chocolate as Percy resumes the quiz.

“Okay! Last question. This is a long one. “A troll comes into the Headmaster's study. Select the following items in the order you would save them: Dragon Pox cure (almost completed by the headmaster), student records that goes back 1000 years, and a book of indecipherable runes considered to have been owned by Merlin.” He pauses, thinking. “Well… I would pick the cure first, it could probably save some lives. And second… the book. You could decipher it for us, Wise Girl.”

Annabeth grins, a pleased flush spreading across her cheeks. “I would do the same I think.”

The screen glows yellow, HUFFLEPUFF displayed boldly. Annabeth eyes Percy smugly as he groans in despair. “I wanted Gryffindor…”

“Percy we both knew you were going to get Hufflepuff." Annabeth rolls her eyes. "It’s my turn.” She clicks Begin.

“Annabeth is a textbook Ravenclaw so I’ll be shocked if she gets anything else.”

Annabeth glares playfully, shoving Percy off his chair and sending him to the floor, giggling all the way. The video cuts to them both sitting in their chairs, Percy making a silly face in Annabeth’s direction.

Annabeth reads out the first question, frowning in thought. “You and your friends want to cross a bridge that is guarded by a river troll. He says that one of you must fight him to cross the rive. What would you do?”

“Beat him up!”

“I’ll confuse the troll.”

“Next. At Hogwarts, you would want to study… everything I can.”

“Aw, twinsies!” Percy claps his hands together in delight as Annabeth rolls her eyes fondly.

“Last question. You enter a magical garden. What do you look at first?”

“Definitely not the golden apple tree.” Percy waggles his eyebrows and the two share a knowing look.

“And steer clear from the statue with moving eyes.” They laugh at their inside joke.

“Auntie Em will be so disappointed.” They are cackling at this point, falling into each other.

A cut reveals the two sitting poised. “I’m picking the luminous pool with something in its depths.”

RAVENCLAW appears on a blue screen. Annabeth groans playfully as Percy’s face lights up.

“I told you! I told you!”

“Yeah yeah… you knew all along.”

--

“I hope you enjoyed us learning absolutely nothing new.” Annabeth deadpans.

Percy leans into Annabeth. “It’s not about the results, Beth! It’s about the experience.”

Chapter Text

“Hey everyone! I posted on Twitter about an hour ago asking for questions, so today I'll answer a couple!” A screenshot of his tweet flashes across the screen:

Percy J @seaweedbrain ✓
Hey yall!! I’ll be answering a few questions in my new video so reply to this tweet with any questions you have for me and maybe I’ll answer it!

“I've asked a couple of my friends to send me questions to answer so we’ll start with those!” Percy scrolls through his phone. Annabeth sent this one so we’ll start with:

Space Ace @geckomancer
(replying to @seaweedbrain✓)
What’s your favorite candy?

Starting off easy I see. My favorite candy is blueberry sour strings! I also enjoy anything chocolate. M&M’s are good but it’s too much work to pick the blue ones out and I never know what to do with the rest.

Rachel sent over this one:
void @teenghostdad
(replying to @seaweedbrain✓)
How do you know @REDrach? Will you ever collab?

I stabbed her and then we went to the Hoover Dam together. It was chill. Percy looks away in thought. Is this a hint Rachel? Should we make a video together? Let's start planning something!

Oh my Gods; Leo is always asking this. I guess he’ll get his answer today:
Nix Loves PJ @trickynicky
(replying to @seaweedbrain✓)
please explain the blue food im begging

So basically my mom used to be married to this asshole Gabe, right? And one day they get into an argument because Gabe was insisting that there’s no such thing as blue food. Which Mom took as a challenge. She started bringing home only blue food until eventually our entire kitchen was filled with blue food. I think it started as an act of defiance against Gabe, but it’s sort of turned into a whole different thing. To this day, we both keep the tradition and it's something we share! So yeah, that’s where the blue food came from.

kiwi @percabethmyfave
(replying to @seaweedbrain✓)
How did you and Annabeth get together? And when did you meet?

Thank you for the question Kiwi! And thank you Hazel for sending it to me! Me and Annabeth got together officially on my sixteenth birthday. We had just… had a traumatic experience… of some kind… and I finally confessed to her. We had been dancing around each other for some time. So finally confess my feelings to her, right? And she LAUGHS at me! Just laughed in my face. But then she kissed me and we lived happily ever after. So yeah, that’s how we got together.

Oh, Frank is going easy on me. He sent:
Tired asf @mag_neato
(replying to @seaweedbrain✓)
Are you a dog or cat person?

I would say I’m more of a dog person. I actually have a dog! Her name is Mrs. O’Leery and she is wonderful.

Oh Gods. Piper, this did not need to be brought up.
stream midnight @sweetchariot185
(replying to @seaweedbrain✓)
pls explain the national manhunt searching for you in 201X

Okay. I will explain this ONE TIME. Listen up folks, ‘cus I’m never talking about this again. So the official story is that me, Annabeth, and my buddy Grover were all kidnapped by a very scary man. The guy then brought us on a road trip across the country and we committed several crimes. Then finally I was able to steal a gun from him and I bravely fought our captor until the police arrived. The guy escaped and we crowdfunded a ride back to New York. That is the official story and I will deny anything else.

In relation to the national manhunt searching for me, Nico has sent me this:
Morita May @moritathemerrier
(replying to @seaweedbrain✓)
Did you really blow up the St. Louis Arch???

Please stop asking about the St. Louis Arch. I am a changed man. The past is the past. It was an accident I swear.”

Chapter Text

P: Hey Guys!! So I recently found out that I have the honor to be featured in a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode! I’m really excited to react to it!! I have two special guests with me as well. Say hello to my friends Grover and Annabeth!

G: Hi!

A: Hello.

P: Annabeth thinks this is a terrible idea.

A: It is.

P: But we’re doing it anyway! Let’s start.

--

“Hello and welcome to Buzzfeed Unsolved! Today we’ll be talking about a unique case,” Ryan introduces as the title graphic flickers over the screen.

“Aren’t all of our cases unique?” Shane furrows his brows. “Isn’t that, like, our whole thing?”

“What’s so fascinating about this case is that the kid came back.”

“Wait what?”

“Yup.”

Shane spluttered, “Then why is there even an unsolved case?!”

“Because,” Ryan grinned, “despite both Percy and his mother returning, neither has provided any answers to the many questions that their disappearance created.”

--

P: I like to keep it mysterious.

G: We’re not really supposed to talk about it…

--

“Shane sighed, “Let’s hear it then.”

“So Perseus Jackson was born on the 18th of August 1993 to his Mother Sally Jackson and an unknown father in Manhattan, New York. When he was a toddler she married a man called Gabriel Ugliano.”

--

P: Please stop calling me Perseus.

A: Okay Perseus.

P: Stop.

G: Sorry Perseus.

P: Please stop.

A: No can do, Perseus.

P: I hate you all.

--

Perseus, who goes by Percy, was diagnosed with both ADHD and dyslexia very early and quickly worked up an impressive expulsion record and would not regularly last more than a year in a school before an expulsion. In some instances, he would even face multiple expulsions in one year,”

“So the kid’s disobedient,” Shane shrugs.

“You could say that,” Ryan nods, “He was once expelled for blowing up a school bus with a canon and another time for dropping his class into a shark tank-” Shane whistles, “and has managed to be expelled from multiple military schools which are considered amongst the last resorts for delinquent kids,”

--

P: It was an accident! I wasn’t aiming for the bus!

G: What were you aiming for?

P: …Not the school bus?

A: You’re an idiot. What happened with the shark tank?

P: The sharks wanted to play with us.

A: …Really Percy?

G: They were in a cage Annabeth!

P: See? Grover gets me.

A: /Rolls eyes/

--

“You said this kid is still alive?”

“Yeah?”

“And he’s not going to, oh I don’t know, sue us?”

“Well, because of some interviews his stepfather was involved in at the time of his disappearance, this is all public information. And Perseus himself has confirmed these things. I think we’re okay,”

--

P: …

A: Percy no.

P: But Annabeth,

A: We’re not suing Buzzfeed Unsolved.

P: They keep calling me Perseus!

G: Snorts, You’re going to sue them for calling you Perseus?

P: Yes!!

--

“But in the summer of 2006, things definitely began to change. After being dropped back off at home when the school year ended, Sally and Percy Jackson drove to Montauk in a vehicle owned by Ugliano. Evidence from the scene suggests that they reached their cabin and stayed there for a few hours before suddenly leaving in a rush and getting back into the car during a storm. The car was driven as though in a rush, it isn’t clear who by or why they were rushing but the most common theory now seems to be that Sally Jackson was driving it away from something,”

“Something?”

“There have been a lot of theories. We’ll get into the most common one later, and the problem with it,”

“And what did you mean by “now”?” Shane makes finger quotes as he says the word and Ryan grins knowingly at the camera.

“We’ll get into that later too. For now, we’ll just say the theories changed a lot over the course of this case,”

“Well, that’s helpful,”

“Shut it. The car was found at the side of a road, flipped over, and struck by lightning. It had been badly burned, the roof was torn off and the axle broken. The car had flipped over and skidded for several hundred meters. Neither Sally nor Percy were found anywhere near the vehicle and it was too wrecked to determine any sure signs of a struggle,”

“They got struck by lightning?!”

--

P: Yes, we did.

A: No we didn’t. Don't lie Percy.

P: You ruin all my fun.

--

“No bodies were found in the car, in fact, nothing except some unidentified blood and goat hair was found.”

“Goat hair? How does that have anything to do with anything?”

“I don’t know! Nobody knows!”

“Why don’t we just ask Percy Jackson?”

“We did!”

“And what did he say?”

“He said, and I quote ‘My friend has hairy legs.’”

--

P: He does.

G: /Gasping theatrically/, Percy how could you say that?!

--

“Did they have a pet?”

“Nope. I don’t know anyone who lives in an apartment and has a pet goat,”

--

P: /Cackling/

G: Percy I will literally kill you.

P: /Still laughing/ Did we have a pet goat? That’s a very good question.

G: Annabeth, help me.

A: /Stifling a giggle/ Well, answer the question, Grover.

G: I’m leaving.

P: Nooooo!

--

“I told you this was a weird one,”

“I think the word you used was unique, actually,”

“Y’know, I’d love to do just one of these where you don’t do everything in your power to be annoying,”

“The people love it! That’s why they watch!”

Ryan shakes his head. “The police began investigating the car, as well as the Jackson-Ugliano home and the cabin on Montauk, and search parties began looking for the missing people. Neither were found after a week and search party efforts ceased, whilst the media focused in on Gabriel Ugliano who was more than willing to give interviews. He suggested that Percy Jackson was a delinquent, inherently violent, and therefore most likely responsible for the unfortunate disappearance of his poor, loving mother.”

--

A: Literally what.

G: /Laughing/, Oh Gods Perce, imagine you as a delinquent.

P: Hey! I would be a great delinquent!

--

“Please tell me people didn’t take that seriously. The kid was twelve,”

“They started a national manhunt,”

“Oh my God,”

--

P: Yeah… That wasn’t their smartest move.

A: In their defense, we did break several laws.

--

“Two weeks later, Percy was seen in New Jersey after a bus incident. Twelve-year-old Percy Jackson, wanted for questioning in the Long Island disappearance of his mother two weeks ago, is shown here fleeing from the bus where he accosted several elderly female passengers. The bus exploded on an east New Jersey roadside shortly after Jackson fled the scene. Based on eyewitness accounts, police believe the boy may be traveling with two teenage accomplices. His stepfather, Gabe Ugliano, has offered a cash reward leading to his capture.”

“Why?”

“Again, man, I don’t know.”

“But the way you phrased that implies that the old ladies fought back.”

“According to eyewitnesses, they did.”

“I am enthralled with this story.”

--

P: So, to clear this up, yes. I did fight several old ladies. And I won.

G: Thank you for clearing that up Percy. Everything makes much more sense now.

P: No problem Grover. It’s the least I can do.

A: You’re both idiots.

--

“I – how would a twelve-year-old boy manage to cause a bus to explode?”

“It might have been something wrong with the engine. But yeah, a fugitive coincidentally being on a bus that catches fire the same way as his mother’s car? Just plain weird. The other two children were described as a tall, dark-haired boy aged between fourteen and nineteen and a blonde girl aged between twelve and fourteen. Although their names have not been released, there are suspicions.”

--

A: It was us.

G: Yup.

P: You both are terrible accomplices.

--

And if the bus made it worse, then being the only survivor of the explosion of St. Luis Arch shortly after absolutely didn’t help,”

“He’s the kid that blew up St. Luis Arch?!”

--

P: Yes and I sincerely apologize for that.

A: Percy no. /At the camera/: Percy has legally been declared not guilty and cannot be punished for blowing up St. Luis Arch, which he DID NOT DO.

P: Right. I didn’t do that. Wink.

A: Percy stop.

G: And he also didn’t blow up Mt. Helen. Wink.

A: Both of you stop.

--

“It was assumed so at the time, but Percy Jackson has since been cleared of all guilt. Over the next couple of weeks, there were a few reports of the children moving across the country, but their movements were erratic at best and the police were never actually able to predict their next movement,”

“So pre-teens can evade the police? Just like that?”

--

G: It’s actually pretty easy.

P: Yeah we didn’t actually have much trouble with the police now that I think about it.

A: It’s because of the [CENSORED].

P: Oh actually that makes sense.

--

“These ones did,” Ryan shrugs, “Nothing really came of any of these reports. Except for one. The kids were seen in a diner, roughed up, with blood-stained clothes but lacking any actual matching wounds, limping, and clearly very hungry. Then a man came over and joined them. According to witnesses, the man made them feel ‘intimidated’ and a waitress reported that he paid with gold coins instead of money. The currency has not been identified.”

“Then, on June 21st, Percy was next seen in Santa Monica, where there was an explosion at a beach and the supposed kidnapper had a shoot-out with a twelve-year-old Percy Jackson on a beach and then lost. Soon after this, he was caught by police and the whole story came out.”

“Wait the guy lost to a twelve-year-old?”

“Yep.”

--

/All three laughing/,

P: Oh Gods that’s so funny.

G: [CENSORED] is going to smite us.

A: Probably.

P: At least we’ll die knowing I beat him in a fight at only twelve years old.

--

“Apparently, the man from the diner had kidnapped Percy in Long Island, as well as two other unidentified adolescents –”

“Which we’ll get to later, by the way.”

“Percy Jackson said the commotion on the bus in New Jersey was because he was trying to get away from his kidnapper, despite the fact that none of the early reports mentioned the supposed ‘kidnapper biker’ on board. This man had also caused the explosion in St. Louis.”

--

P: Yup. It was him. Not me.

--

“However, it is strange that not a single one of the reports from the first ten days of this case matches up with this information.”

“The explosion had been caused by a bullet hitting a gas main damaged in an earthquake after Percy had grabbed the gun from his abductor and escaped. The two other children in custody were a boy and a girl. The ones from the bus. Here is a clip of Percy Jackson after he was rescued:”

‘All I want is to see my loving stepfather again. Every time I saw him on TV, calling me a delinquent punk, I knew…somehow…we’d be okay. And I know he’ll want to reward each and every person in this beautiful city of Los Angeles with a free major appliance from his store.’

“(wheeze) Cheeky kid! I mean, I know he’s been kidnapped, mentally tortured and – was there any reports of –”

“No, dude, none at all.”

“Why would a lunatic take kids and blow up everywhere he went and not mess with the kids? I mean – why do any of this? It doesn’t make sense.”

--

P: I don’t know, for fun?

G: I don't know man, maybe he was just bored.

P: Gotta spice up your day somehow.

A: You both are impossible…

A: …It was clearly because of his mommy issues.

P & G: (Laughing)

--

“Seriously Ryan, what the fuck is happening?”

“It’s unsolved!”

“Why? Surely we know the biker guy did it!”

“Thank you, Shane. And who is the biker guy? What’s his name?"

“They don’t know who the biker is? What happened to the police at the scene?”

“Didn’t catch him,”

“What?!”

“Yeah, he just up and vanished into thin air.”

“So that’s it? The kids are fine because they won a gunfight against this guy who was apparently a serial killer? And we don’t know who this guy was because he just disappeared in front of the police? The stepfather really had nothing to do with it? What happened to the kid’s mum?!”

--

P: Could you imagine if the police actually caught [CENSORED]? Oh Gods imagine [CENSORED] calling [CENSORED] to bail him out of jail.

/All three laughing hysterically/

G: “Hey Dad… I’m in jail… Can you come to get me?”

A: No no no. Imagine [CENSORED] calling CLARISSE to bail him out of jail.
(Laughter intensifies)

P: Oh Gods I can just see her face.

/Jumpcut reveals the three, obviously having taken a moment to calm down/

--

“All good questions. Sally Jackson showed up back at her apartment by the time Percy Jackson was flown back to New York, seemingly with complete amnesia surrounding the event of her disappearance.”

“Why would a lunatic take kids and blow up everywhere he went and not mess with the kids? I mean – why do any of this? It doesn’t make sense.”
“Sally Jackson was returned to her apartment, refusing to discuss the case. It is possible that the man – or accomplices of his – had hidden her away so that Percy would do as he said, but this is still quite a stretch. Gabe Ugliano supposedly left the apartment a week later.”

“So he wouldn’t have to sell his electronics all over Los Angeles?”

“/wheeze/ Probably.”

“Only he was never found. No evidence, even. Sally Jackson sold a hyper-realistic statue of him, made enough money to be able to move to a nicer apartment, then became an author, and suddenly it was like the world never gave a shit about Gabriel Ugliano,”

--

A: Good riddance.

G: Can you say that in front of the camera?

A: I don't really care.

P: Valid.

--

"He didn't have any family? Or friends?"

“None that cared. He had poker friends, but you were allegedly right with your guess that the man was a piece of shit. I don’t think I can get more specific, but let's just say I doubt the Jacksons missed him much,”

--

P: No we did not.

--

“Which leads to our theories!”

“The first is that this was a cult of some sort. The biker was a member and was taking the children to California, psychologically torturing them and making them take part in the explosions. It would explain why Percy attacked women on a bus and why he was on the observation deck of the St. Louis arch. This man had abducted the two other children prior to June 2005, perhaps many years before, and brainwashed them. Percy was only a recent addition, which enabled him to be more confident in escaping.”

--

A: That makes no sense. How would he kidnap you several years prior without anyone noticing? And keep you from telling anyone?

P: Probably his magical God powers.

G: WHICH DON’T EXIST.

P: Right. The magical god powers that I just made up. Wink.

A: Stop saying wink.

--

“There seem to be a few other reports of children having gone missing that witnesses connected to Percy Jackson. In December 2007, someone watching the footage of Percy after he was rescued stated that they had seen him enter a house in West Point, New York. The owner of the house, Doctor Frederick Chase, had pulled his daughter out of school when she was seven, in 1999, stating that she was being homeschooled. However, his daughter, Annabeth, had not lived at the family home since that date.”

“This is getting weirder. I didn’t think it would.”

“The footage was taken of Percy after his rescue was found in the FBI files. The girl with him is said to bear a striking resemblance to Frederick Chase, implying that she was taken by the biker too. However, Frederick Chase managed to produce documentation stating that Annabeth was at a school in Long Island and the case was supposedly closed. Here are some similar but unofficially connected cases that the FBI think could have an answer.”

--

A: Oh hey it’s me.

P: You’re a member of the cult too.

G: Aww I want to join.

P: Don’t worry Grover. You’re always welcome in our cult.

--

“Strange sightings of Percy Jackson and strange people have been reported pretty much every year since,”

“So maybe the kid was just caught up in something weird,”

“Saying it was something weird and then stopping there isn’t really an answer to anything. Like what? The mob?”

“I don’t know enough about the mob to know what they do to their 12-year-olds, Ryan,”

“Because it’s not the mob!”

--

P: Can I just say, that would be so cool. I wish it was the mob.

--

“Actress Beryl Grace’s children Thalia and Jason, aged six and two, seemed to disappear from the public eye in 1994. She stated that her son had been taken by ‘a powerful being’ and her daughter had run away. Beryl Grace died in a car accident in 2004, while drunk.

Luke Castellan was nine when he ran away from home in Westport, Connecticut in 1996. He was spotted across the country in the three years after this. Strangely enough, someone in Brooklyn later identified him as running out of a house with two girls and an older boy in 1999. The picture taken of them before they entered, as part of a still life project, was given to the FBI. While they say they may know the girls in the photo, they have not released anything.”

“But why would some kids decide to live homeless, in this century? And how does this link to a cult?”

“These children may have been psychologically tormented. Perhaps even by the government, which may explain why this seems like a cover-up. Maybe the children’s absent parents are members of the cult.”

--

A: I was psychologically tormented alright. Just not by a cult.

P: Yeah… by Mr. D.

G: Percy stop he’s going to smite you.

P: I wish he would.

--

“Our second theory is that Percy Jackson is in fact, a half-human hybrid.”

“What?”

“That his father was an alien. And the other kids are the children of aliens. That the biker was an alien.”

“I have officially gone mad working with that theory.”

--

P: It’s true guys… I’m an alien.

G: I’m sorry you all had to find out this way…

/Percy and Grover look at each other seriously for a second before bursting into laughter/

--

“Whatever happened, it’s clear that the case will remain unsolved for the foreseeable future unless either of the Jacksons decides to explain what really happened.”

--

P: I will not. Wink wonk.

A: Oh my Gods that’s even worse.

--

“I’m so curious! There are so many unanswered questions! Where was Mrs. Jackson the whole time? Why did he fight the old ladies? Why was there goat hair in the car?”

“Unfortunately, I doubt we’ll ever know. Both Percy and Sally Jackson have been uncooperative in providing answers. What did or didn’t happen during those ten days will forever remain… unsolved.”

--

P: That was so good! Good job Buzzfeed Unsolved.

A: They really did their homework.

P: Unfortunately for them, neither theory is right.

G: Imagine if they just guessed what actually happened.

P: Dude, I don't think ANYONE could randomly guess that kind of crazy.

A: Rachel did.

P: Rachel is literally a prophet.

A: Fair.

--

P: I hope everyone enjoyed seeing us react to our own Buzzfeed Unsolved episode! I am so blessed to have Shane and Ryan know who I am. Thanks for watching! I’ll see you next time guys!!