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In the aftermath, Prapai doesn’t do too well.
Life moves on, as it tends to do. He takes a week’s leave from work to stay with Sky in his family home, his siblings bringing Sky into the fold as if he had always belonged there. Prapai has lived with light and laughter in his home, and it’s clear that atmosphere brings Sky slowly out of the shell he’s been hiding in.
It was unbelievably scary, to see the way his boyfriend retreated within himself, eyes empty and unresponsive. To know that it’s not the first time he’s had to do so.
Prapai wants to make sure he never has to do that again.
In the beginning, it was almost a game. Sky was prickly and sarcastic, and Prapai loved nothing more than to get under his skin, to say the right thing that would make the younger boy’s cheeks bloom pink with embarrassment. Rapidly, it turned into Prapai actually falling for Sky, as quick as the winds turned.
Sky had opened up everything, his life, his home.
Knowing now what he had gone through to make him so stand-offish, what that must’ve meant for him to let Prapai in, makes Prapai feel a sadness so deep, it physically aches in his chest.
After Sky tells him the horrific truth of his past, it’s almost like he’s lighter. Freer. He smiles at Prapai in the morning when he wakes up, presses a soft kiss to his mouth on the balcony as if he hadn’t kept Prapai up all night as he whimpered from his nightmares.
It’s not fixed. One conversation doesn’t do that.
And Prapai wants so badly to fix it. He wants to turn back around and continue pummelling that sick bastard into the ground, furious that Payu had stopped him from killing him. P’Chai says he has it under control but that’s not enough, it’ll never be enough.
Restlessness simmers in his chest.
“What’s wrong?”
Sky looks at him with those gorgeous caramel eyes. A morning breeze ruffles his messy hair, tugs teasingly at the strap of his tank top.
Desire stirs low in Prapai’s stomach. Disgust follows a second later. He’s disgusted with himself for wanting Sky even now, even in his vulnerability. He looks back to every time they’ve touched and wonders, did he take advantage? Did he ever touch Sky in a way that made the younger boy feel sick, but he never said anything?
“I don’t want to go back to work,” Prapai sighs instead. It’s true.
“You took a full week off,” Sky reprimands, frowning. “Your company will hate me if you take any more.”
“No, they won’t,” Prapai insists. “I can take off as many days as I want to.”
Sky raises a single eyebrow. It’s exactly the sort of expression he usually makes and Prapai loves it and hates it in that moment. He should be glad that Sky seems back to normal, and he is.
But why does Prapai himself feel so untethered?
Shaking his head with a grin that takes a couple more seconds than usual to plaster on, he concedes, “Okay, I probably can’t. But I’m sure I can squeeze a few more days out.”
“You need to go back,” Sky says firmly, pressing a hand against his chest. “Go earn some money so you can carry on buying my lunch.”
That, Prapai genuinely does grin at. “Of course, baby.”
Sky, mollified as usual by the pet name, smiles, and immediately smothers it, adding haughtily, “Good.”
Prapai pulls him in even as he keeps his touch delicate, breathes in the scent of him. It’s safe, in the crook of Sky’s neck, to murmur, “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too,” Sky says softly, tipping his head back to kiss the corner of Prapai’s mouth, eyes still closed, long lashes fluttering against the tops of his high cheekbones. “I love you.”
And Prapai says it back, again and again, into the warmth of Sky’s skin, and pretends that he doesn’t have tears in his eyes as he goes.
-
Payu must know something’s up because he turns up to Prapai’s workplace for lunch. It’s not a usual thing for them, so Prapai blinks in surprise when his best friend waltzes in with two bags full of food.
“Figured you’d be hungry,” the mechanic says, settling on the couch as he starts opening up tubs. The smell of fried rice wafts over to Prapai’s desk. “I’m fuckin’ starving, so get over here.”
“Let me just tell Namtan I’m taking lunch.”
“I’ve told her already,” Payu dismisses, mouth full of rice. “I’m gonna end up eating it all myself.”
Rolling his eyes, Prapai locks his desktop and goes over. Reflexively, his hands go to his phone. He’s messaged Sky three times already to check if he’s okay, each time receiving good news back, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask a fourth time, would it?
He’s halfway through his text when Payu says, not looking up from his food, “You’re not doing well, are you?”
Prapai stops.
He clears his throat, plasters a smirk on his face as he turns to his friend. “Why wouldn’t I be doing well?”
Payu gives him a look. It’s the kind that sees right through him, and it’s only through years in the business that Prapai has learnt to not fidget under any scrutiny.
“Because your boyfriend was kidnapped. And sexually assaulted. By the ex who groomed him.”
He’s not being a dick when he says it so plainly, but Prapai is filled with such a sudden anger that, for the first time in his life, he thinks he could hit Payu.
“Don’t fuckin’ say it like that,” he says, low and dark.
“Is there any other way to say it?”
“Would you like it if I brought up Rain being kidnapped?”
Payu’s jaw clenches. “No, I wouldn’t, but it’d be the truth. That’s what happened, Pai. You need to face it.”
“I don’t need to do anything,” Prapai stresses. His throat feels oddly tight. “I don’t need to do anything except take care of Sky and make sure he’s okay.”
“Are you okay?”
Prapai wants to say yes, opens his mouth to force out the syllable through the emotions he’s kept clenched behind his teeth, but he can’t.
He looks helplessly at his best friend, and suddenly his eyes are watering and Payu’s a blur of blue overalls that he can’t quite distinguish, and it goes from watery eyes to fat tears travelling down his cheeks.
They’re not usually affectionate. Payu wasn’t a very emotional man, before Rain. Love has a way of changing things about you.
In an instant, he’s by Prapai’s side, pulling him into a hug that he didn’t know he needed.
For Sky’s sake, Prapai hadn’t cried in days. When Sky had brushed his tears away and asked him to smile, he had done so. He had smiled even as it cracked his skin like porcelain, even as he lay awake at night beside his boyfriend and wondered how anyone in the world could go through what he had gone through and made it out the other end.
Now, he lets them fall.
Later, he’ll feel a little embarrassed at the way he clutches at his friend, but in the moment, Payu is the only one grounding him.
It must be 3 minutes, or 10, or half an hour before Prapai finishes crying. He laughs wetly as he pulls away, self-deprecating as he wipes at his eyes. “Sorry. I don’t know why -”
“When Rain was taken…” Payu interrupts, his voice catching.
Prapai tenses slightly. They’ve never addressed it.
“When he was kidnapped, I was so angry,” the mechanic says. His eyebrows slant into a frown as he gets lost in the memory, eyes going vacant. “At everyone. At Stop for daring to take my boyfriend. At Saifah for trying to stop me going to get him back. At myself for not being home when it happened. Even at Rain. I couldn’t explain it, why I was so angry and hurt when it didn’t even happen to me.”
Prapai stares at his friend. “I didn’t know.”
Payu shrugs. “I’m good at hiding things. Or so I thought.”
“And did it work? Hiding it?”
Payu gives him a look which is answer enough.
Prapai clears his throat. “How… how did you get over it?”
The skyline of Bangkok sits within an angry grey cloud low over the city as Payu turns to it, thinking. “It was Rain. I was so angry for him that I was neglecting him. So scared for him that I wasn’t even touching him. I didn’t realise it until he told me.”
It hits too close to home. “I just - I can’t have sex with Sky knowing that they used that against him. I can’t be like them.”
He turns to give Prapai a look. “You’re not anything like them, and he knows that. Talk to him. Tell him how you’re feeling.”
Prapai’s shaking his head before Payu even finishes his sentence. “I’m not going to be another thing he has to deal with.”
“He’s probably already noticed how you’re feeling,” Payu says, before grinning. “Our boys are clever students.”
Prapai laughs, weak as it is. “They are. God, how did we get roped in by 19 year olds?”
Payu shrugs. “I’m part of the faculty. You’re a CEO who dropped everything for a student.”
“You’re the one who literally messed with a guy’s car just so he’d notice you.”
Payu’s eyes narrow. “You’re the one –“
“Okay, okay,” Prapai interrupts, hands up in surrender. “We’re both whipped.”
“Not denying it,” Payu grumbles.
Reaching for one of the takeaway boxes, the smell of beef emanating from it, Prapai promises, “I’ll speak to Sky. Tonight.”
“Good,” Payu says.
They dig into their food in silence, Prapai not realising how hungry he was until then.
“You and Rain are good now, right?” he asks when he’s done.
Payu’s smirk drops into something devilish as he carries on eating, not replying straight away. The twist of his neck shows a vicious hickey just under the collar of his fitted black shirt. “Don’t worry. We’re good.”
With a groan, Prapai shoves him.
-
Sky’s sat with Phan at the kitchen island when Prapai comes home. As always, something clenches in Prapai’s chest at the sight of his boyfriend within his family home. For someone who’d never been in love before, he doesn’t know how he could live without it now. It sits within his bones, courses through his veins.
For a second, he leans against the doorjamb and watches. Sky’s grinning as Phan says an embarrassing story about Prapai and his first bike, a story he absolutely will put her into a headlock for afterwards. Aware of eyes on him, the younger boy looks up, his grin turning slyer at the corners.
“It’s rude to eavesdrop,” Sky says primly.
“It’s ruder to talk about someone when they’re not there,” Prapai counters, sauntering over to nip at Sky’s ear in warning.
“I’m right here,” Phan grimaces. “Keep the PDA at 0.”
Prapai raises an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
With a shit-eating grin, he leans in close to Sky’s face. It shouldn’t be as satisfying as it is, the way Sky’s lashes flutter close, lips parting slightly as he waits.
“I’m going, I’m going.” Phan announces, grinning over her shoulder as she disappears.
Prapai kisses Sky anyways, softly, not deepening it as he would normally do.
“Hi, baby,” he breathes. “Missed you today.”
“I missed you too,” Sky murmurs, curls slim fingers around Prapai’s collar to keep him close. “I went into college today. Rain picked me up.”
Seems Rain and Payu were clearly both on a mission today, Prapai thinks wryly.
“How was it?” he asks.
Sky hums, head tilting as he thinks. “Better than I thought. I didn’t stay long though. Wanted to come home to you.”
There’s literally no hope of Prapai having eyes for anyone ever again.
“I was thinking,” he starts, pulling Sky in closer. Surprise paints his boyfriend’s eyes, and Prapai thinks maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he thought he was the past few days when he’d been pulling away. “I was thinking that we should go back home, today.”
Sky tenses in his arms. “To your apartment?”
Prapai immediately shakes his head. “Never. I’ve sold it.”
Sky stills. “You sold it?” His voice is weird.
“Yeah. We’re never setting foot in there again.”
Sky’s lower lip trembles as he looks up at Prapai.
“Thank you,” he whispers, voice wavering slightly.
“Don’t thank me,” Prapai murmurs, leaning in to brush his nose against Sky’s. “When I said home, I meant your apartment. Unless you want to move in here, I don’t mind that either.”
“You’d let me move into your house?”
Prapai gives him a look. “Home is wherever you are. When will you realise that I’d give you everything?”
Sky looks up at him with those heartbreaking eyes.
“Yeah. Let’s go home.”
-
The drive to Sky’s apartment is quick, and silent. Thankfully, P’Joy isn’t there when they arrive. As lovely as she is, Prapai really doesn’t want to be trapped in conversation for half an hour.
Dust motes travel in the beams of light as Sky flicks the switch. It’s as if they left the apartment hours ago. Prapai’s bowl of cereal that he never washes and Sky always rags him for sits in the sink, congealed. A half empty bottle of Coke next to all of Sky’s drawing equipment on the low coffee table. A sweater thrown over the sofa.
“You go shower,” Sky says. “I’ll change the sheets.”
Prapai nods. He feels bad letting Sky do the work but feels even more grimy, knows he won’t be able to relax until he’s washed.
Pressing a quick kiss to Sky’s temple, he makes his way to the bathroom, getting out of his clothes before slipping under the warm stream. It’s times like this, when he’s alone, that it threatens to sneak up on him, the suffocating reality of what they’ve been through.
He’s two seconds from cutting his shower short to go check if Sky’s okay when he feels two arms snake around his back.
“Can I join?” The words are muffled into the skin of Prapai’s back.
All of Sky’s soft baby skin is pressed against him and Prapai squeezes his eyes shut, wills his body to not react as readily as it normally does when he’s around his boyfriend.
“I’m nearly done,” Prapai says as normally as he can behind clenched teeth. “I’ll get out of your way.”
“I want to shower with you,” comes the sullen reply.
“Sky…”
“Do you… do you not want me any more?”
That shocks any budding desire out of Prapai’s system. He turns around to face Sky, eyes wide. Sky avoids his eyes completely, and Prapai bends to maintain the contact.
“I’ll always want you,” Prapai says firmly.
“You haven’t touched me since that night,” Sky mumbles. “If this is about… him touching me, I swear I didn’t let - “
Prapai thinks briefly about how many years he could get away with for committing murder, before calming down.
“Don’t,” he starts, swallows as he closes his eyes. “Don’t mention that bastard.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise either,” Prapai groans. It’s all coming out wrong. He holds Sky’s shoulders sincerely, looks at his boyfriend, the love of his life, here in his arms.
“I love you,” he says, because it’s the easiest thing to say when it comes to his boyfriend, comes to him like air. “I will always love you. I will always want you.”
“Then why haven’t you touched me?” Sky looks so hurt.
“Baby, you went through something so traumatic,” Prapai says gently. He opens his mouth to continue but he can’t explain it further, can’t verbalise more about that night without feeling the tears choke up in his throat. Already, his eyes are watering.
“P’Pai?” Sky says, worried.
Prapai shakes his head. “I want to speak to you about this, I promise. The shower wasn’t really where I was expecting to have this conversation.”
Sky shrugs. “The shower’s fine to have a conversation.”
Prapai sighs. “Let me wash up, baby. I promise I’ll be out in 5.”
Sky nods, hums in acquiescence. “Okay.”
Prapai does indeed take 5 minutes before he’s stepping out of the shower. It’s enough to help him figure out what to say.
Still in his towel, he makes his way to their bedroom. Sky’s tucked up in bed, oversized tee already on his small frame, manga book that he absolutely isn’t focussed on in his hands. Wordlessly, Prapai drops his towel and steps into some shorts before pulling the sheets back, settling into his side of the bed. He pulls a pliant Sky into his lap.
Sometimes he forgets how young Sky is. There’s a definite pout playing on his lips as he makes himself comfortable on Prapai’s lap.
Prapai wills his cock to calm down.
“Your body is your own,” Prapai starts. “I want you to know that.”
“I know that now,” Sky frowns.
“Those bastards disrespected that,” Prapai says darkly. Unknowingly, his fingers tighten around Sky’s legs. “I just – I don’t ever want to do that unknowingly.”
Sky’s eyes widen with shock. “P’Pai, you never have.”
Prapai closes his eyes. It’s easier to speak when he doesn’t have to look at his boy’s beautiful eyes.
“The night we met, I slept with you. I told you there was a price to pay for getting you out of that event.” The words come out in a ramble, all of his innermost fears that he’s kept bottled up tumbling out, unhindered. “Sky, it makes me feel sick thinking about it now. Did I force you? Did you feel like you had to sleep with me?”
“P’Pai,” Sky says firmly, grabbing his chin with both hands to force him to look up. “I promise you, you didn’t force me. Yeah, you were a bit of a dick, but I could’ve said no if I didn’t want to sleep with you. I wanted to.”
“But you left,” Prapai insists.
“Because I thought it was a usual one night stand,” Sky admits. “People aren’t usually interested in staying. That doesn’t mean I didn’t consent.”
The feeling in Prapai’s chest eases only slightly. “What about afterwards? I hounded you so much because I wanted you to like me.”
Sky rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you were annoying. But you didn’t touch me against my will. I had to beg you to sleep with me, remember?”
Something low in Prapai’s gut clenches as he murmurs, “I remember.”
Sky’s fingers begin stroking lovingly at Prapai’s jaw. “You’re the only man who’s ever treated me so well. Don’t ever doubt it.”
“I don’t want to be like those animals,” Prapai admits in a whisper. “I don’t ever want to force you.”
Sky nods. “Is that why you haven’t touched me?”
Prapai is silent.
“P’Pai, they…they assaulted me. They took that decision away from me,” Sky says, his voice trembling.
“Sky.”
“But they don’t define me,” he continues on bravely. “I can’t – I won’t let them do that. When you touch me, that’s my decision. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Please don’t let them ruin that.”
“I won’t,” Prapai promises.
“Then please touch me,” Sky whispers, eyes wide and vulnerable and gorgeous. “Love me.”
Something slides into place in Prapai’s mind.
What Sky went through was horrific. Even thinking about it is enough to send Prapai into a frenzy bordering on murderous. As terrified as he was for Sky, so nervous to place a hand on him in case he shattered, he realises now that maybe Sky doesn’t need that. Maybe he needs roots. A solidarity to anchor to. Touch that’s wanted, consensual.
Prapai searches his eyes. “Are you sure?”
Sky nods. “I’m sure, P’Pai.”
Prapai’s kept his hands to himself for a week. It’s through pure self-restraint that he keeps them gentle as he tugs Sky’s face to his.
They haven’t kissed, truly kissed, since before everything happened. Prapai feels dizzy with it, the way Sky sucks gently on his top lip, swipes across it with his tongue as he moves closer on his lap. A low groan sounds from Prapai’s throat.
Sky’s hands rake through his hair, settling at the nape of his neck to grab small fistfuls as Sky pulls Prapai’s head back, spit-slick lips travelling along his jaw. Prapai’s hands settle on Sky’s hips lightly, wanting to pull him closer but so afraid, so afraid to let go.
Sky huffs. “P’Pai. Touch me properly.”
“I am.”
“You’re holding me like I’ll shatter.”
“Sky…” Prapai groans.
“It’s okay if I break,” Sky breathes. “You’ll put me back together again.”
Prapai looks into his eyes, sees nothing but sincerity. And gives in.
Both hands shoot up to Sky’s hair as he tugs his face down, finally kissing him properly. Prapai is a man starved as he licks into Sky’s mouth, and Sky’s moaning, pressing closer, hands fluttering. His lips are bruising beautifully when Prapai pulls away, presses his lips to Sky’s collarbone, his shoulder, any patch of skin he can see.
Making out is what gets Sky going, Prapai knows that. Already, his boy’s head is tipping back, lips dropped open, hips moving restlessly.
Prapai shifts to making himself more comfortable, pushes his knees apart slightly and lifts Sky up until he’s settled fully on one thigh.
Sky’s eyes open languidly. Keeping that hazy eye contact, Prapai curls his hands around Sky’s hips and grinds him forward.
“Oh.”
It’s not really Sky doing the movement. Prapai’s the one guiding his hips, slow and nasty.
“P’Pai,” Sky moans, head lolling.
“I’m here,” Prapai murmurs. “I’ve got you.”
Sky whimpers. Prapai hums in response, scrapes his teeth gently along the younger boy’s Adam’s apple. Sky’s hips are moving of their own accord now, nails digging into Prapai’s shoulders deep enough to leave marks, chasing flickers of pleasure every time his cock grinds against Prapai’s stomach.
“I’m – I’m gonna –“ Sky gasps, eyes rolling back when Prapai purposefully tenses his thigh.
“Do it,” Prapai says in a growl, forcing Sky higher.
“Not without you,” Sky whines, even as he takes it, the pressure building and mounting. He’s trembling, pale thighs softly shaking mountains.
Prapai groans.
“This is for you,” he croons, voice dropping lovingly, even as his cock twitches in his shorts from the lack of attention. “Take it, baby. Come on.”
With one hand, he tugs down Sky’s shorts enough to wrap a hand around him, thumb swiping against the head. It’s enough. Sky’s head drops back, a moan leaving his swollen lips.
Prapai’s never seen someone who looks so pretty when they come.
It takes him a minute to come back down, limbs melting as he collapses forward into the crook of Prapai’s neck. Prapai trails a warm hand up and down Sky’s spine.
“You good, baby?”
“‘m good,” Sky says, his words slurring slightly. “Legs still shaking a little.”
Prapai can feel it. Low in his throat, a noise rumbles. “I know, baby. You did so well for me.”
Slim hands travel down Prapai’s bare stomach to tuck into his shorts as Sky finally tilts his head up again, pupils blown wide. Prapai opens his mouth to tell Sky that he doesn’t need to, that tonight is about him, but slender fingers wrap around him before he can.
“Fuck,” he breathes.
Sky’s looking at him through dark lashes, lip tucked in. Prapai thinks the image of it will be seared into his brain for life.
Prapai’s hands dig into Sky’s body as he rolls his hips to meet Sky’s hand properly, dropping his head back on a groan when Sky’s hands tighten. The friction is too dry but fuck it feels so good, even as he watches through half-lidded eyes as Sky focusses on his task.
The younger boy removes his hand to spit on it before continuing.
“You’re too hot,” Prapai pants, hanging onto the fraying edges of his sanity like he’s never gotten a handjob before. It’s been over a week and he’s wound too tight. “Baby, baby – “
“P’Pai.”
It’s the way his boy says it.
Before he knows it, Prapai’s moaning dizzily, hips rolling as he comes. Sky leans forward eagerly to catch his lips, sweet sucks as Prapai pants against him.
“I’ve got you,” Sky murmurs.
Prapai comes down from his high enough to tuck himself back in, pulls Sky in until every inch of them is connected, his boy’s legs wrapping around his torso to cling onto him.
“Don’t ever stop touching me, P’Pai,” Sky says into the crook of his neck. “Don’t ever let go of me.”
“I won’t,” Prapai says.
He means it.
For the first time in a week, since he stormed into that apartment and saw what was happening to his boy, Prapai takes a breath.