Chapter Text
the Fox, the Flower, the Kaleidoscope
1.
Whoever invented D-ranks, and Sakura was referring to the current type of D-rank missions not the original test run of the thing, was a deranged psychopath, and if she ever got her hands on them, they’d rue the day they crawled out of their mother’s womb. No. She’d make it so that their ancestors as far back as the blooming of humanity would rue the day they were born. She’d make it bloody. She’d make it vicious.
‘I think something just wiggled between our toes.’
Sakura stomped a little harder on her next step, determined to ignore Inner Sakura’s commentary because she just couldn’t be bothered today, but something between the soles of her feet and the tempered leather of her sandal squished.
‘Son of a bitch, nasty, suck-ass, motherfucker!’
‘Real classy,’ Inner Sakura snarked with only about a third of her usual attitude. Evidently, even Sakura’s inner voice, which consisted of 99% bitterness and 1% petty, was absolutely done with this day and had nothing left in her seemingly bottomless well of spite.
Sakura shuddered. A full-body sort of spasm that made even Sasuke-kun frown at her in surprise, especially when she followed with an odd little shimmy, discretely trying to shake out whatever sort of ick was stuck to her foot. Her bare foot.
D-ranks were hell, and Kakashi-sensei deserved to go bald for signing them up for clearing out the old, clogged-up sewers of Konoha’s most ancient neighbourhood.
‘Dickhead’, Sakura thought in his general direction.
“What was that Sakura?” Kakashi-sensei drawled without ever looking up and away from his porn.
“N-nothing, sensei!”
‘How’d he know?!’
‘Freak of damn nature,’ Inner Sakura groused. ‘And not a speck of filth on him, too.’
Sakura gnashed her teeth, hard, and stomped a little bit more vehemently, determined to make it home as soon as she could and take a long, thorough shower. If she thought she could get away with bathing in bleach, she’d fucking swim in it.
“Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan!”
‘How is he still standing what’s wrong with him –‘
“Did y’hear about the new ramen menu they have at Ichiraku’s?”
‘Oh, my god, ramen sounds so good right now!’
‘No, it doesn’t, it’s got enough MSG to ruin our skin for weeks –‘
“I’ve got coupons, ‘ttebayo! D’you maybe wanna go with me?”
‘But what if we have vegetarian ramen?’
‘You know what, that might work actually.’
“Sakura-chan? Would you go?”
‘Wait, but what if the stock is fake?’
“On a date with me?”
‘At Ichiraku’s? Not likely.’
“Yeah, okay.”
‘Did you just say that out loud, dumbass?!’
Sakura stopped in her tracks and stared at Naruto, who’d stopped a few steps ahead of her with his hands clasping onto his nape in faked nonchalance, while he openly gaped at her in disbelief. Kakashi-sensei had stopped, too, and straightened up, no longer reading his porn. Sasuke-kun walked on, blatantly ignoring all of them.
“Really?” Naruto squeaked. “Yeah?”
‘Look what you did!’ Inner Sakura screeched.
‘And who was distracting me?!’ Sakura accused right back.
“Sakura-chan?” Naruto asked again and his voice wobbled. Actually wobbled, and cracked a little at the very end, probably because it was beginning to change into deeper baritones but also possibly because he was honestly nervous about her answer. Judging by the lack of his usual bravado, Sakura was inclined to believe he was genuinely nervous.
He offered her food, and she was so very hungry right now. She’d eat about anything, screw calorie counting.
‘Over my dead body –‘
‘You don’t have a body.’
Sakura sniffed and nearly choked at the sheer stench that still enveloped her. Naruto was looking at her like she hung the sun, as he always did, and today – today she really appreciated being looked at like that. Especially since there wasn’t a speck of her not covered by decades’ worth of sewage gunk.
“Yeah,” Sakura said.
Kakashi-sensei dropped his porn book.
Sasuke-kun tripped over his feet.
Naruto started shaking with excitement.
‘Damage control, right now!’ Inner Sakura screamed for all she was worth.
“But!” Sakura barked and Naruto abruptly ceased trembling. “No ramen! Pick me up on our day off, and you better not be wearing orange! It looks horrible with my hair!”
“Sure, Sakura-chan!” Naruto yelped. “Whatever you want!”
“Good!”
With all the dignity she could spare, Sakura promptly stomped past her stunned teammates. She could’ve sworn she heard Kakashi-sensei mutter something along the lines of ‘what did I just witness?’, but a loud whoop of joy from Naruto was all the distraction she needed to forget about it. Not even a moment later, her blonde teammate zoomed past her, invigorated, and yelled for them to hurry it up.
There was something incredibly pleasant about knowing someone could be so happy at just the prospect of her company.
‘We’ve got a date with Naruto,’ Inner Sakura said in a horrified whisper. ‘What have we done?’
‘Don’t overreact,’ Sakura thought snappishly. ‘It’s just one date. Besides, maybe Sasuke-kun will be jealous?’
‘Right. And I’m a genjutsu you cast on yourself out of loneliness.’
‘Fuck off.’