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I know that Alice tweeted once that she would place Charlie at UCL, and who are we to argue with the creator? But I still suspect that Jane would have Charlie home at least every weekend if he was that close if she even let him go residential in the first place. So, until it becomes canon I am sticking with Durham.
Durham is a collegiate university, the colleges functioning as residential accommodation and centres for social activities while subjects are taught in departments. The colleges are divided between the those on The Bailey and those on The Hill, with one or two others dotted about. When I was there the distinction between the two types of college was very clear, geographically, and culturally. Less so now, and in any case from what I hear, the colleges have been in a semi-permanent state of flux for the last few years, moving around like Howl’s castle in an attempt to accommodate ever increasing numbers of students.
So here is my completely biased, totally unscientific and based on sweeping generalisations, thus probably very out of date assessment of which college would suit Charlie best.
The Department of Classics and Ancient History is situated in North Bailey so you would assume it makes sense for Charlie to apply to one of the Bailey colleges but for various reasons I don’t think any of them would be a good fit for him.
University (Castle) the oldest of all the colleges, and yes, it is housed in a real live castle, was always very ‘ra’ (not sure if that is a term used now), very public school and not a place that I think Charlie would find comfortable. Everyone got thoroughly overexcited a few years ago when Prince Harry was rumoured to be about to go up to Castle, turns out he was a little too dim even for them, but this will help you get the picture.
Both St John’s and St Chad’s are rather pious, St John’s would be far too evangelical, but if Charlie had ever demonstrated any religious leanings, he might have fitted in well with the ‘gin and lace’ brigade at Chad’s, although John’s would have made better use of his drumming skills.
Hatfield was always the home of the ‘overwhelming sense of entitlement but made to feel inadequate by Castle’ lot – I don’t know if it has changed. Let’s just say… If Harry Greene ever went to Durham, he’d have been in Hatfield. Although rather alarmingly it is not unlike the description of David Nelson's university in This Winter.
Finally, St Cuthbert’s (Drinking) Society, rowdy lot, known for singing rude songs about Hatfield late at night, outside St John’s and upsetting the trainee vicars, I think Charlie would tire of that pretty quickly.
St Hild and Bede was always a bit out on a limb, started out as two separate teacher training colleges, and probably lacks a sufficiently academic atmosphere for Charlie, although they wouldn’t like me saying that. Nick could always go there to do his PGCE.
The Hill colleges are divided into those who conform to the traditions set by the Bailey colleges and those that make a thing of doing the opposite. Some of these, John Snow, Josephine Butler and Stephenson are so new I can’t really comment on them (they didn’t exist when I was at Durham – gosh that makes me feel old), although the first two do have gowned formal dinners so I can’t rule them out altogether. I do think that there is something about the opportunity to dress up in his academic gown for a ‘formal’ that would appeal to (former Head Boy) Charlie even if the food didn’t, so that eliminates Collingwood, St Aiden’s (despite branding itself as the ‘rainbow college’) and Van Mildert.
Which leaves Trevelyan and St Mary’s. Trevs might be all right at a push, but they are probably a bit ‘hearty’ for Charlie and like most of the colleges obsessed with sport which after his attempts at rugby probably not a good match. Rowing features heavily in Durham university life with the inter-college rivalry on the water pretty acute. Even my totally unathletic self rowed a bit while I was there (if you can swim four lengths of the baths, and tread water for ten minutes then you can pass the rowing test), so I guess if Charlie fancied it, with his build he would make a good cox.
So, I think I will plump for St Mary’s, closest of all the colleges on South Road to the Classics Department in North Bailey, this was a single sex college when I was there but started to admit men in 2005, it has maintained its gentler atmosphere and more creative, artistic ethos while still being highly competitive academically. I can just see Charlie running along the riverbank, across Prebend’s Bridge and down the Bailey desperate not to be late for a tutorial but having spent far too long saying goodbye to Nick on facetime instead of setting off.
Durham is a great place to go to university, even if it can get a bit ‘town and gown’ with the locals, and the whole place is swarming with tourists from Easter to Advent. I had a fantastic time there and still pop by for a visit whenever work takes me north. That moment, whether I’m travelling by train or car, when the cathedral appears against the skyline, takes my breath away every time.
Bill Bryson wrote in Notes from a Small Island: ‘If you have never been to Durham before, go there at once. Take my car, it’s wonderful.’
Durham University and the Durham Tourist Board have flogged this quote to death.
Even so, Bill’s not wrong.