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Lexi woke up feeling light and joyous on this sunny Christmas day. Everything in her life has been going pretty well. Right after the performance of her Junior year play, Our Life, Fezco handed her beautiful roses and a card asking her to be his girlfriend. She had graduated top of her class and valedictorian from East Highland High School. She moved in with Fezco and Ash right before she started a prestigious writing program at UCLA. During her Senior year of university, the book she had been writing, which was a less exploitative version of her play, had been published with great success. When she graduated from university, she and Fezco got married. And just last week she found out that her adult cartoon about a drug dealing grandmother and her grandkids (concept approved by Fezco and Ash) was picked up by Adult Swim.
It wasn’t just her life that was going so well. Fezco was able to get out of the drug business by the end of her Sophomore year of university. He used the money he saved up from dealing, the inheritance his grandmother and father left him, and the money he and Ash collected from investing to buy a store that they turned into a weed and shroom shop. His experiences as a drug dealer turned him into a good businessman. The success of Milk and O’Neill Bros Weed Co. allowed Fezco to buy another building that he is turning into a grocery store. With the help of Ali’s daughter, who is a city planner, he found a food desert in dire need of a good grocery store. Rue and Faye, who have both been sober for a little over five years, are going to be helping Fezco manage and run the grocery store. Ash has been helping with the convenience store and weed shop. Speaking of Ash, he is currently a Sophomore at UCLA studying business and accounting.
With the success of Lexi’s book and Fezco’s stores, they were able to move into a 5-bedroom 4-bathroom house in a picturesque suburb between Los Angeles and East Highland. Their suburb was the perfect distance from the city and from their family and friends. The house is big enough for a master bedroom, an office, a room for Ash, a room for Marie, a guest bedroom, and an attic. There also is a backyard with a garden for Fezco’s farmer fantasies. The house has a charming yet modern touch, perfect for the Howard-O’Neill family and their tastes.
With a new house comes new responsibilities, such as hosting their first Christmas dinner. While Lexi has helped her mom host family dinner parties and holidays, she has never been completely in charge of one. She has devised a plan, complete with a time chart and checklist, to help make this experience run smoothly.
Life has yet to steer her in the wrong path. Well… until today that is.
As Lexi exits her bedroom, ready to start preparing for the party, she hears a loud crashing noise. When she rushes into the living room entrance, she sees her cat, a tabby named Roman, scurrying past her legs. That can’t be a good sign, Lexi thinks to herself as she fully enters the room. She lets out a loud gasp, shocked to see the Christmas tree knocked to the ground, with multiple broken ornaments. She scurries to the tree to inspect the damage, disheartened to see that some of her favorite childhood ornaments have been destroyed. Although the situation is not ideal, most of the ornaments are still intact; all she has to do is pick up the tree and spruce it up a little to get it in top shape again. Luckily for her, the tree is plastic, allowing her to lift it up with no additional help. Her family had bought a real Christmas tree once, but the multiple bugs that came out of the tree traumatized them into sticking with plastic.
While this isn’t how she wanted to start her morning, she’s not going to let this issue set her back. She had a detailed plan that she needed to stick to, and she isn’t going to let anything get in her way of hosting the best Christmas party.
🐱🎄🐱🎄🐱🎄
Lexi is in the kitchen preparing the meal for dinner. The turkey is sitting on the kitchen island, seasoned and ready to go into the oven. Lexi stepped out of the kitchen to grab her phone from the charger, so she could text Faye about dessert. Faye had offered to bring the pies since her apartment was near a trendy and well rated bakery. When she returns to the kitchen, she is shocked to see that her turkey is no longer on the counter. She turns a corner to find her turkey on the ground getting licked by her dog, an auburn Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever mix named Cher.
“Cher what are you doing? Bad dog!” Lexi yells, waving her arms around in desperation. Cher looks up in shame and then sprints out of the room. Why had her precious fur babies chosen today to act so naughty? Lexi exasperatingly wonders.
“Yo what’s going on here? Why you yelling at Cher?” Fezco asks as he rushes into the kitchen. His eyebrows shoot up when he sees the turkey on the ground. “Oh shit! Did Cher do this?” he asks as he rubs his head anxiously.
“Yup! And now we lost one of our main dishes!” Lexi exclaims, the annoyance clear in her voice.
“It’s going to be ok Lex. I’ll make a quick run to the store to buy another one,” he says, hoping to cheer up his wife.
“Fez, there is no way that the grocery stores have any turkeys left,” she sighs, feeling stressed about the situation.
“Oh, come on now, I’m sure one place does,” he reasons.
“Well, we don’t have time for you to go on a wild goose chase!” she shouts, frustrated at her husband’s optimistic attitude.
“I think you mean wild turkey chase baby,” Fezco jokes, which causes Lexi to glare at him. “Aight, I’ll go to three different stores. I’m sure I’ll find something. Don’t worry baby, we got this!” He assures as he kisses Lexi on the cheek. He rushes back into his room to get ready for his “find a turkey on Christmas” mission.
Lexi lets out an aggravated huff and turns to get started on the other dishes. If this were any other day, she would take a few more minutes to wallow, but her plan doesn’t allot time for that. She still has hope that everything will work out and this will be the best Christmas dinner her family has ever experienced.
🐶🦃🐶🦃🐶🦃
What did Spencer Hasting from Pretty Little Liars say? Oh yeah, it was “hope breeds eternal misery.”
You see, Faye had arrived with the desserts, which were supposed to be pumpkin banana bread and apple pie. Pretty simple holiday themed desserts. However, what Faye brought over was not what Lexi had requested. Instead, what she brought was banana and coconut cream pies.
“Faye, what the hell is this? Do they look like pumpkin banana bread and apple pie to you?” Lexi huffs out.
“No! But in my defense, I didn’t look in the bag when they gave it to me! It was stapled shut!” Faye exclaims.
“Well, I would hope you didn’t! If you did and you didn’t notice anything was wrong, your eyes need to be checked ASAP!” Lexi yells.
“Why are you mad at me? It’s the bakery’s fault. Besides, banana and coconut cream are still delicious!” Faye argues.
“For summer parties! It’s Christmas! Apple, pumpkin, and pecan are the three staple pie flavors for Christmas, not coconut and banana!” Lexi shouts. She cannot believe how many things have gone wrong today. Maybe these are omens, and Lexi should just cancel the party before it ends in complete disaster.
“Look, pie is pie. These pies will still taste good. I doubt anyone is going to pass them up because they aren’t Christmas themed. And your mom loves coconut!” Faye reasons.
“I mean… I guess you are right. But how did they mess up the order this badly? Are you sure you grabbed the right bag?” Lexi skeptically asks. Faye can be a bit careless at times.
“Yes, Christmaszilla! I triple checked the name on the bag,” Faye sarcastically replies.
Lexi throws Faye an annoyed glance and is about to reply with a comeback but is interrupted by the sound of the garage door opening. A frantic Fezco walks into the kitchen, holding a few bags in his hands.
“So, all three stores were out of turkeys, but one place had 6 Cornish hens. I know it’s not the same, but it’s pretty cool. We can each get our own personal bird. Shit is going to look good for photos,” Fezco says, speaking super-fast to get all his words out without being interrupted. He hopes that talking up the Cornish hens will soften the blow of not being able to find a turkey.
“Hold up! You went to the grocery store on Christmas day in hopes of finding a turkey?” an incredulous Faye asks. She looks between the two with a quirked eyebrow, shocked that they thought the task was possible.
“Cornish hens? Isn’t that just chicken? We can’t do that!” Lexi whines, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
“Why not?” Fezco seriously asks. To him, food is food, so replacing the turkey with chicken doesn’t sound like a big deal.
“Because Fezco, chicken isn’t special enough to be a Christmas entree! We eat chicken almost every other day of the year!” Lexi replies through gritted teeth. She takes a few moments to think over everything that has happened so far, coming to the conclusion that the evening is unsalvageable. “I’m just going to have to cancel,” she sighs, feeling dejected and defeated.
“Nah baby come on. Everybody loves chicken! I’ve never heard anyone say a bad thing about it. I’m sure all meat eaters love chicken.” Lexi opens her mouth to dispute the claim, but Fez interrupts her. “Ok not all of them, but you know what I mean. Everyone at this party likes chicken. Hell, some of them prefer it over turkey.”
“That would be me!” Faye interjects, a grin starting to emerge on her face. She was secretly happy at this turn of events.
Lexi looks at her husband and friend, taking in their smiles and positive assurances. As she takes a minute to think everything over, she realizes that the party was not ruined. The tree still looks good, they have desserts that will be enjoyed, and the Cornish hens are a good substitute. She had made a promise to host Christmas, and it was too late to back out. “You guys are right! Besides, the Cornish hens are going to look cool in photos. I know Cassie is going to want to post pictures of the table set up with all the hens on Instagram,” Lexi replies, finally feeling the joy and confidence she felt when she first woke up.
“Aight, that’s what I’m talking about! Let’s get these bad boys cooking,” Fezco exclaims, happy to see his wife in better spirits.
🥧🐓🥧🐓🥧🐓
Fezco, Lexi, and Faye had been in the kitchen cooking up all the dishes. Ever since the pep talk following the Cornish hen fiasco, things have been going smoothly. With only 30 minutes until the party’s start time, Lexi decides to set the ambiance. Ash has allowed her to borrow his projector to set the mood. The plan was for the projector to play a video of snow accompanied by a jazzy Christmas playlist. However, when Lexi goes to turn on the projector, it makes a weird and loud popping noise.
“What the hell was that?” Faye asks.
“I don’t know. All I did was turn on the projector, and it made that noise,” Lexi replies. She slowly backs away from the item, confused as to what just happened to it.
Fezco, who was listening to the two women, lets his presence be known by saying, “Imma go get Ash to check on it. Make sure it ain’t broken.” He goes up the stairs to bring Ash down.
After a minute, Ash comes down complaining about how they interrupted his boxing video game match with his buddy.
“Yo, so I hear you broke my projector,” quips Ash as he walks towards the item in question.
“I didn’t break it. I just turned it on and it made a loud noise,” Lexi grumbles, not wanting to be held responsible for the issue.
Ash fiddles with some buttons while Lexi walks over to check on her food. Their two ovens are a Godsend, as it helped cook all the Cornish hens at once. After a few minutes of Lexi and Faye talking and finishing up the food, Ash walks into the kitchen with a scowl.
“So, the projector is dead,” Ash states in a serious voice, annoyed at the situation.
“Dammit! Just when things were starting to go okay, something messed up,” Lexi huffs out, aggravation lacing her tone.
“Now wait a minute Lex. We don’t really need the projector. I mean, sure it was a good idea, and it would have been cool. But it ain’t a big deal if we don’t have it,” Fezco reassures, giving Lexi a warm smile.
“Well, I would like a new projector. Add it to my birthday present list,” Ash interjects.
“Don’t worry man, I’ll get you another one. Now go set this table before Cas and Suze get here,” Fezco replies, nodding his head towards the dining room.
📽️👵🏼📽️👵🏼📽️👵🏼
Cassie and Suze arrived right on time, much to Lexi’s delight. The dinner had been going well, with the food tasting amazing. The Cornish hens turned out to be a hit, with Cassie taking multiple pictures just as Lexi had predicted. Suze had been delighted to hear there was coconut pie, complimenting Lexi for straying away from the regular holiday flavors. Suze was so delighted, she demanded that coconut cream pie be a new Christmas tradition, causing Faye to whisper an “I told you so” in Lexi’s ear.
Everyone was enjoying their meals and drinks, conversation and laughter filling the dining room. A loud “what the fuck” causes everyone to freeze, causing the room to go silent.
“Who was that?” Cassie asks.
“Nah it can’t be,” Fezco says. He turns to look at his brother before continuing, “Ash let’s go check on grandma.” The men stand up from the table to walk into their grandmother’s room.
“Grandma? The one in a coma?” bluntly asks a shocked Suze.
“Mom, Fezco only has one grandmother,” Lexi says. She meant for it to come off as chastising, but her confusion dulls it out.
While Faye, Suze, Cassie, and Lexi sit in wonder, Fezco and Ash walk to Kitty’s room. What they find has their eyes practically popping out of their heads. Kitty is sitting up from her bed, head moving around and taking in her surroundings.
“This ain’t my room. And who the hell are you two?” Kitty asks in a dazed and groggy voice.
“Hey grandma. It’s me, Fezco,” Fez replies.
“Holy shit! Look at my snowflake, all grown up. You look so handsome. And this one must be Ash,” Kitty responds in awe.
“Yeah, it’s me grandma,” Ash meekly answers. The surprising situation caused the daring young man to turn into a shy boy.
“Look at you kiddo, look at how tall you two are,” Kitty states as she stands up to give her boys a hug. She immediately sits back down and grabs her head, the sudden movement causing her head to feel dizzy.
“Yo grandma take it easy. You just woke up from a coma,” Fezco urges, nervous that his grandmother is in pain.
“I just… I can’t believe I’ve been in a coma all this time. You two are so big. Grown-ups. I…I’ve missed so much. Oh fuck, now my eyes are watering,” Kitty rasps out a chuckle, quickly wiping away the tears forming in her eyes.
“Listen grandma, I am so happy that you are awake. A real Christmas miracle. We got a dinner party going on, so let’s go out there and eat,” Ash says. While he is delighted to have his grandmother back, he is hungry and wants to return to his meal.
“Is there anyone else here?” Kitty asks. Fez and Ash nod their heads, taking in her raised eyebrows. “Shit, I can’t go out looking like this,” she groans, pointing at her disheveled hair and nightgown.
“I kept most of your clothes” Fez responds as he walks to open the closet. “Some of them are in this closet, and the rest are in that giant dresser.”
“Oh snowflake, you’re such a good boy,” Kitty coos, touched to see how much thought Fezco put into keeping her alive and her stuff in good care.
“Ash, go back to the dining room and fill everyone in. I’ll wait outside grandma's door while she changes. I want to help grandma walk to the dining room. Don’t want her walking by herself,” Fezco says to his brother.
Ash nods his head and walks back into the dining room. All eyes immediately land on him as his presence becomes known.
“What happened? How is Kitty?” asks Lexi.
“She’s good. Hell, she’s great. I don’t know how or why, but she is awake. Talking and walking. She sounds like she did before the coma,” Ash replies, his voice growing quiet at the end. He was so young when his grandmother fell ill, so he feels so many different emotions at seeing her lucid.
“Holy shit! Who would have guessed,” Suze exclaims with a wide grin. “I feel like I’m in a movie! A Christmas Miracle with The O’Neill Family.” The last comment makes Lexi kick her mother’s leg in reprimand.
Ash takes his seat at the table again. He wants to go back to eating, but feels awkward with the Howard women looking at him. Luckily, Faye is eating, giving him the push to take a bite of his Cornish hen.
“I’m speechless! I can’t wait to see her and talk to her. Oh god, what if finding out that Fez’s married makes her fall back into a coma?” Lexi nervously asks.
“I don’t think it works like that Lex,” Cassie responds, trying to reassure her panicked sister. She goes to say something else, but gets interrupted by someone clearing their throat in the dining room entry.
“Okay grandma, here’s the dining room. We got our guests here. This is my wife, Lexi. This girl over here is Faye, a friend of the family. And these two are Lexi’s mom and sister,” Fezco says as he points everyone out to his grandmother. The ladies all give Kitty comforting smiles, while she takes in the new faces.
“Your wife? Holy shit! Good for you kid. She’s a real beauty,” Kitty says, giving Fezco a proud smile and a pat on the back.
“Hello Kitty! I mean Mrs. O’Neill. It is so nice to meet you. I am so happy you are able to join us,” Lexi stumbles out, grimacing at her weird choice of words.
“Calm down doll face. Call me Kitty. Or Marie. Just don’t call me Mrs. O’Neill. It’s too formal for family,” Kitty replies, causing Lexi to break out into a big smile. Kitty’s eagerness to accept Lexi into the family after just waking up from a long coma was sweet and touching. “I’m just happy my boys are doing well and that my snowflake found a lovely partner,” Kitty adds.
“Grandma, we are so happy you are back. I put an extra seat for you. It’s between me and Ash,” Fezco says, pointing to the new seat. Kitty takes her seat between her beloved grandsons while Lexi prepares her plate.
“Well, I think the occasion calls for another toast. To family and new beginnings!” Suze salutes as the others clink their glasses and say cheers.
The group continue their meals and desserts while filling Kitty in on all the major events she missed. Kitty is overjoyed when she finds out that Lexi is making an adult cartoon loosely based on her life. After checking that Lexi didn’t reveal classified information, she volunteers to voice the titular character.
Lexi is so happy that her first Christmas party is a major success. What started out as a stressful day, turned into an amazing evening with an unexpected miracle. She has no idea how she’s going to beat this party, but that’s a problem for next year.