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Thin fingers gripped the steering wheel so tight the knuckles shown stark white, as the woman gazed forward to the massive brick home. Home, could something so hollow really be called a home? A Manor would be more appropriate.
Though it was nearly half past one in the morning there was still one light on. One she supposed was never actually off. Business hours didn't end here.
She knew she couldn’t sit in her car forever. One half of her, the better half, begged her too. Maybe even start the engine up and go back to Polly’s where she’d been staying since he commanded her to come back across the bloody ocean. At least until this political rubbish was done with he'd argued. She still didn’t understand why he supposedly needed her. He’d had it sewn up before it even began.
But Ada knew she wouldn’t leave. The other half of her couldn’t bear it, had been waiting for this for two weeks. Every time their eyes meant from across the office, every time he 'accidentally' brushed against her, every time he took a drink and licked his lips…
He had phoned the office late, knowing she’d answer. It was rarely ever anyone else on the other end at this hour. No, respectable people were in bed. Keeping from this blasted cold, next to a loved one perhaps. But no, not him. He had sent Lizzie away again. Putting her up in a nice flat. She’d been calling and moaning on and on to Ada about it. Like she could change anything. No one changed the mind of the Maestro.
“Come bye tonight. We have business.” Was literally all she got out of him before he abruptly hung up. God, so bloody arrogant. Didn’t even have the courtesy to pretend he wasn’t in total control. She shook her head at herself. Even when Ada screamed, fought, and held up a damn pistol, she still gave in. Always. Like some marionette. He always had the power. Even when they were children. Sure, Arthur was the oldest, but he was no match for their middle brother. The cunning, the calculating, and even before the war, the cold.
Maybe that’s why she let this all start. Because it was the only time he’d ever given her an actual choice. The only time she could truly say no. So many years before. What felt like two lifetimes ago. In the woods where their dad had passed out drunk in the wagon, her other brothers at home sick with Polly.
He had looked into her eyes. The fire reflected in his piercing stare. He was so young then, so beautiful. Before France. Before Grace. Before John died. Back when life was stealing out of posh pockets and running into alleys to escape coppers. His eyes used to be so alive back then.
“Tell me to stop.” He whispered, gaze going to her lips, hand already on her creamy thigh. She knew she should. Good girls didn’t let boys kiss them, certainly not their brothers. But he was different with her. She felt different with him than she did with John and Arthur. He had always protected her at all costs and treated her something like an equal while the others were beneath him. John had always whined that he favored her. He had always made her feel important. Special even. Silly little girl.
So instead of speaking, afraid she’d sound as wanton as she felt, Ada had leaned in.
She swore at herself now. Lighting a smoke as she recalled that moment so many years ago. The beginning. How she had really helped weave this fucked up web she was now in. How she had let him take it all and been so glad to give it to him. How she had allowed him not only into her knickers but the very fiber of her being. Into her skin, her blood, seeping into her bones. Why had she been so naive?
Freddie had freed her, given her a chance to escape. Made her realize that she needed to get out. She couldn’t keep up the charade during the day and be his whore at night forever. Even if no man, nor woman had ever, ever lit her on fire like he had. Like how he did every single time. No one’s touch had ever made her shake like that, made her knees weak, made her mind fuzzy like the strongest Irish whiskey.
Ada sighed at her own stupidity, she had been out. She had a beautiful child, relationships with men who weren’t her kin, and even an ocean between them. And yet… Yet here she was. Parked outside his front fucking door after being summoned like a damn dog. She opened the car door before flicking her cigarette and tightening the mink scarf around her thin neck. The gravel gnawed angerly at high heels as she made her way to the massive entryway.
“Here’s your ever loyal mutt.” She spat into the cold open air as she let herself in. Didn’t even bother to lock the damn door after all the death and deceit they had seen. How typical. Always ready to raise a pistol when you could have simply turned a lock.
Her body knew the way like it was her own home and led her easily in the dark to the large oak door she knew he’d be seated behind. Head buried in his papers, glasses slipping off his nose, jacket discarded on the wrack. Blue eyes ready to penetrate her as soon as she stepped in. With a harsh breath, she stood up straight, her face the mask of composure and let herself in. Why bother knocking when he had probably heard her car pull up ages ago?
“Tommy.” The name slid off her tongue so easily. Said man looked up from his work and observed her. His stare always made her feel exposed as if stark naked in front of a whole platoon of soldiers. Her heart sputtered. God, like she hadn’t seen him a million bloody times. Quit being so embarrassing she said inwardly, walking in and closing the door behind her. God forbid the maids hear anything else. Who knows what they knew already.
“Ada. Done counting the bricks, aye? Thought I was going to have to send the cavalry after you.” His tone wasn’t as heavy as the last time she’d seen him this morning. The half empty glass he was clutching probably had something to do with that.
She rolled her eyes and took her long coat off, laying it and her scarf on the back of his leather chair, before sitting down. A brief image of what they had done in this very chair just weeks prior flashed through her mind. She shook it away, denying the way her thighs wanted to rub together at the thought. Damn him.
“I was simply admiring your palace Mr. Shelby, taking it all in.” She mocked. He nodded, lighting up a smoke and sitting back in his chair, feet propped on the edge of his desk. She had been wrong, no glasses.
“What a coincidence. I was just thinking about how you should be here to enjoy royalty for yourself. I'll have Johnny Dogs at Polly’s tomorrow to collect your things.” He stated, taking a sip from his glass. Ada chuckled, getting up to pour herself a drink. He must be shooting the piss.
“Hilarious Tommy, glad to see you’re in a rare mood.” She took a large, unladylike gulp before settling back in. She was going to need the whiskey for this conversation. He had that look in his eye that meant one way or another, he was going to devour her.
“I’m serious Ada, I need you here. The campaign was just the start. The real games have only begun, and I need my head advisor by my side.” He stated, eyes never leaving hers.
She nearly spit her drink back into the glass.
“Are you mad Tommy? I can't just move in here! I’m set to be back in Boston before Karl returns from school.” She reasoned, feeling her throat tighten. No, no, no, he couldn’t.
He frowned, sitting up now, feet dropping to the floor. It was clear to Ada, he was very, very serious.
“Michael is in America handling business. I need you here, with me. Karl can come as well. There are more rooms than half the poor houses in London. Give him a chance to play with his cousins.” He was obviously irritated with her refusal.
She just kept shaking her head, knowing she couldn’t stay. No, she could not fall back into this self destructive pattern. There had been a time, long before, she had dreamed of this. A home of their own, shut to the outside world and their opinions, but she was no longer that naive young woman. She knew the reality, there was no place for them like this, not in this world. Ada could not allow herself to be that weak, to give into temptation. And she would not let her son end up like Michael, like Arthur or God rest his soul, like John. No, not her Karl. She had sworn it on Freddie’s grave. Swore that she would keep Karl safe from her past mistakes and the curse that clung to this family like the plague.
“I will not allow Karl to come here. To be a part of all this!” She was mad now, hands closed in fists. Here he goes again. Here he goes trying to live her life for her. Karl was the only good thing she had. The only thing a Shelby man hadn’t tainted. Hadn't been stained with blood.
Tommy looked at her hard, a sneer on his pouty lips. Many people had lost their lives soon after that very same look. She had too but somehow kept breathing.
“You still think yourself better than us, aye? Still think Ada Thorne was never a Shelby? Never been down in the gutter with the rest of us rats?” He spat her married name like it was sour in his mouth. He had never forgiven her for Freddie. Even after he’d died. It was the first time she'd sworn him off and Tommy had been especially hateful.
“I know I am a Shelby through and through. Just as greedy, malicious, and filthy as the rest of you lot, but Karl is not, Tommy. He’s kind, he’s gentle… He-he will have a chance to be his own man. Not a soldier in your never ending war.” Ada could feel the tears building up, damn him. Damn him to hell for making her do this. For making her be the one to say no.
Tommy was silent for a long moment, Ada was ready to jump out of her seat. To slap him or run away, she wasn’t sure just yet.
“Fine… Fine Ada, Karl stays in America, but you, you stay here while he’s away.” He sat back in his chair like it was all settled then. He was absolutely mental for thinking this would work. Would go unnoticed.
“Lizzie should be here Tom. Lizzie and Ruby. Your family. Charlie certainly misses them.” She tried to reason. His eyes lit like a gasoline fire. He never did like being confronted with the truth.
“Do not tell me what is best for my family when you wish to keep yours a sea away. You have spent your whole life trying to run away from this family!” He spat with venom, punctuating every word with a slap to his desk. Ada swallowed hard, her mouth dry. She took another big gulp. Her stomach was in knots. The air had left her lungs. She was suffocating again. They could go around and around for hours and neither of them would ever state the obvious. They had never so much as whispered about their entanglement before. It was always just there, unspoken. Sometimes months, even a year would pass where they had restrained themselves, swore each other off like the whiskey. And then as simple as a hand on the small of her back, a heated glance from across the betting shop, they'd be in a dark corner somewhere, falling into each other again. Ada had sworn to end it for good when she returned to Boston.
“I’ll send Frances with you to help you pack.” He said after a long moment, clearly done with her theatrics. Tears pricked Ada’s eyes as she glanced down at her red dress. She took a heavy breath before looking back up. His eyes were already on her. Lord give her strength.
“I’m not moving here Tom. I-I know you think that you own me, but I make up my own mind. I will live where and with whom I so choose.” She gritted her teeth, gearing herself up for his inevitable argument. He sat back again, regarding her. Impossibly blue eyes going up and down her body, slow, careful.
“I ask you Ada, who bought the house you live in, in Boston? Who paid for Karl’s boarding school, aye? What salary paid for the ridiculous fur coats and heels you wear to hold your nose up so high over us? Please tell me again how I do not own you?" Venom, pure venom. It’s all he knows. All he’ll ever know. Long gone is that boy, not quite yet a man, asking her to stop him.
She stood up now, putting her coat and scarf on quickly. If it wasn’t so cold she’d throw them both in his face.
“Take it all then Tommy. If that’s what freedom costs me, it’s a small debt to pay.” And she turned away, wishing she was half as confident as she tried to betray. How her heart was sinking, lower and lower with every step away.
Her hand was on the doorknob when she was yanked back, falling backwards into his hard chest. He was in her ear.
“I can take it all back, but can you forget it all when your fingers are buried deep in your cunt and my name is on your lips?” He whispered before letting her go. Ada turned back towards him shocked, a warmth in her stomach at his filthy mouth and the weighted look in his eyes. Fuck, how her body always betrayed her. She pulled her arm from his searing grip. If he kept touching her she knew she would give in. No, she had to be stronger this time.
“Goodnight Tommy.”
“Goodnight Ada Thorne.”
………………………………..
“Hello Ada.” Said woman looked up from her gin, as if she didn’t know from the voice or the three piece suit who stood before her. There went her bloody heart again, like a damn steam train.
“You missed my going away party.” She stated, as if she’d expected him to actually show up. He sat down, a bottle in his hand. It had been weeks since he’d so much as addressed her. She hated to admit she had yearned for his attention, though it was her own fault she didn’t have it. How pathetic.
“Leave us.” Tommy spoke to the barmaid cleaning up. She immediately put down her rag and left, locking the door behind her. Everyone else had since cleared out, leaving Ada alone. She told herself she wanted one more drink at the Garrison before her ship left tomorrow but deep inside she knew. She knew she was waiting.
“How was your party?” He asked, sounding disinterested. Ada shrugged, taking a sip and enjoying the burn. Maybe it was the liquor that made her brave.
“Arthur was sick on the whiskey and some of the young Peaky Boys were a little wild but nothing I couldn’t handle.” Ada knew she was playing with fire. How she relished the burn.
Tommy looked up at her from beneath his eyelashes. Fuck, if he wasn’t Satan reincarnated with that devilish face, that gorgeous jaw line. Then again, maybe he was Ada mused. Aunt Poll had certainly told her so a time or two.
“Looking for young cock then Ada?” He titled his head, examining her. He always said her name when he spoke to her. Like her full attention wasn’t always on him as soon as he walked into the room regardless.
Ada decided to have a little fun, taking another drink, but letting her tongue slip out just a tad to taste it on her lips. His eyes caught it immediately.
“I sent him back to Aunt Poll’s to wait for me. Could be a bit of fun if she doesn’t have her way first.” She lied, but the teasing was so amusing.
“Why are you sitting here then? Trot off to your young, hard prick.” His voice was bored, but his eyes always told another story. One Ada had been learning to read for many years.
“Not going to wish me well on my travels then?” She moved the conversation along.
“Wishing is for gypsies. Wouldn’t want to associate you with such mindless rubbish.” He retorted. Ada rolled her eyes.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” He states after a moment of loaded silence. Ada sighs, crossing her legs and facing him. She could say the same for him.
“You weren’t very happy with me the last time we spoke.” She retorts instead.
“Didn’t think you cared much for my happiness.” Tommy responded quickly.
“I do care for your happiness, but I care for mine as well, and that of my son.” She said carefully, not sure where this was going. For all she knew this could be the last conversation she ever had with him. The deep seeded sadness that had been creeping into her since their fight had finally landed in her stomach at the thought. The one person for all his faults, saw her for who she was and accepted her for it. She knew that when she left, that would be it. She would be closing a door she had been teetering in and out of for years.
“You weren’t happy, aye? Would you have changed it then?” He’s asking her if she regrets it all. And she wants to say yes. She wants to say of course she regrets it. But she knows it’s a lie. She regrets how far it has gone. Regrets how many lies they’ve both told. Regrets that it can never really work. Regrets that she fell too deep. Regrets all the men she'd used to try and forget him and the woman who's back she'd gone behind for him.
“No, no I wouldn’t have.” She replies honestly. Because as conniving, manipulating, and demanding as he is, with her he was always strong, protective, wanting, needing. He was different with her. Different than she’d seen him with even his fallen wife. A sad irony that they had both tried and failed at a real love. A sustainable love. An acceptable love.
“Safe travels Ada Shelby.” He stands to leave then and she can feel herself cracking. It’s her who grabs him this time as he turns away. As soon as he looks at her she feels her resolve give way.
“Tommy I-” She can’t say it, but he knows what she means, what she wants. He always knew.
Tommy quickly pulls her into the meeting room, slamming the door and picks her up, laying her flat on the table. Their faces collide like a storm, tongue battling, teeth nipping, mouths ravishing each other. Ada’s hands pull the buttons on his vest and then he takes it and his jacket off. She yanks his white dress shirt out and rips it open, buttons flying everywhere. Her eyes land on his undershirt which he quickly sheds after his dress shirt. Her legs circle him as he undoes his belt and her eyes zero in when he pulls his hard cock out. He was always hard and ready for her. Ever since they were young.
“Fuck Tom.” She groans looking at it, and knowing how long it had been since they’d been connected. He makes quick work of her expensive panties and lines himself up. He usually prepped her more but she knew she’d be dripping and had no patience for anything but him buried till the hilt inside her.
“You’re so wet for me Ada.” He whispers, capturing her lips as he finally pushes inside. They both let out audible gasps and Ada digs her heels into his ass, keeping him deep in place. She’s never been able to find this feeling with anyone else.
Tommy hisses, her cunt constricting around him like a snake. He knew it had been exactly forty-two days since the last time he’d been inside her and she felt like a damn virgin again. He forces her to let him move, pulling her up off the table and into his arms as he thrusts up. Ada makes the most sinful, beautiful noises. He wonders not for the first time how many people had heard them before, back when they weren’t so good at hiding from the world.
She keeps her legs around his back and her arms wrap around his neck, keeping their faces together. The whiskey on his breath, the cigarettes on hers intoxicate them both.
Tommy smothers his face into her neck, smelling her hair, tasting her skin, listening to her moans. Trying to memorize it all as he doesn’t know when the next time he’ll be able to enjoy her is.
Ada does the same, basking in it all as she takes him over and over. The slapping sounds their skin makes as it collides, along with his strained breath is her favorite melody. He works her body like only he can and she swears she must be high on snow because it feels like bloody heaven. She feels him sucking on her neck, and she lets her head lull back, her nails digging into his shoulders. If he was going to mark her, she was certainly going to leave her own trail.
He hisses and knows she’s drawn blood but it only makes things that much better. He leaves bites and kisses all over her collar bone, the swell of her breasts. God, even the taste of her skin was utterly satisfying. He moves his hand down to rub at her clit, just the way he'd learned many years ago. She only gets louder and he can't find it in himself to quiet her down because he too wishes he could scream.
“Tommy I’m going to cum!” She blurts out and he only fucks her harder, his fingers moving faster. The mix of pleasure and pain has always been their connection. In and outside the bedroom.
“Tommy!” She squeals, hands gripping his short hair as the waves hit her over and over.
He feels her constrict around him soon after and he pushes himself into her completely, even as her cunt tries to force him out. Tommy continues till she’s just shaking from aftershocks before he lets himself pump shallow and fast chasing his own release.
As much as he despises himself for it, he pulls out and jerks himself onto her thigh, grunting as he does. He wishes he could unload inside of her. But knows why he can’t, and it fucking kills him every time. Because there’s no one, no one he’s ever wished to make his own completely the way he has her.
The air is still as they both catch their breath. Ada is the first to collect herself. Fixing her bra and adjusting her dress straps. She grabs a bar towel to clean him off of herself. Tommy only watches her before he tucks himself away and reaches for his dress shirt on the floor. He wipes her lipstick off his face onto the inside of his jacket before putting it on.
She waits for him to speak, but he doesn’t utter a sound. Ada sighs, back to reality.
“I-I have to be up early for the departure.” She states, eyes full of sadness. Tommy nods. Their gazes meet for a moment and she wants to reach out and touch him, kiss him, hold him like after the war. But she doesn’t do any of those things. Just stays put, frozen in place.
“You’re running away again Ada.” Is all he says before he collects the rest of his clothes and leaves the small room. He doesn't even look back.
Ada watches the door where he’s left. Part of her wishing he’d reappear and the other praying to a God she doesn't believe in, that he won’t. She knows she might not be able to say no this time.
"There's no other choice Tommy." She whispers to the vacant room. A part of her dies as she sits down on the bench and cries. Cries for what could never be and what she has lost. For what she never should have had.
………………………………..