Work Text:
It was late at night.
Nacho was at his house, writing in his diary. Or how he likes to call it, his “burn book”.
'Dear burn book, today, I met my new boss. I knew that the Salamanca family wasn’t the best good looking people… but I didn’t imagine how ugly they could be. He has a weird mustache who makes him look like a pervert. A gray hair on his head who show how long these fuckers can live. Dark eyes making him look stupid with his dumb big smile. I have to admit though, he seems to be good at cooking. He offered me a plate that I wish I could have spit in it. Instead, I declined. Who does he think he is ? A bitchless asshole for sure.'
While he was writing, a ring tone suddenly woke him up from his hatred.
When he answered his work phone, a familiar and warm voice was greeting him.
“¡Hola, Nachito! ¿Me extrañaste?"
Speaking of the wolf… of course it was Lalo fucking Salamanca.
"How did you get my number ?" Asked Ignacio confused but mostly annoyed.
“You didn’t tell me you were popular in your personal business." Lalo answered with a playful tone.
It wasn’t the first time Ignacio did this with a Salamanca… perhaps, Tuco wasn’t the most discreet and quiet one to fuck with.
“What do you want ?”
“¿No es evidente? I thought you were smarter than that!”
Nacho was stopping himself from sighing as he was trying to keep his cool. Somehow, Lalo could feel his irritation through the phone.
"Come on, I don’t mean to bother you. So, let’s talk business ! How much ?"
"All depends on what you want…" which he wishes is nothing.
“What do you recommend ?”
That fucking guy… talking about this like he is taking his order at a restaurant.
"..A lot of people choose the cunnilingus which is 100 dollars but the price can get higher depending on how long it takes.”
“100 dollars ?”
Here is that ugly and loud laughing.
“Come on.. that’s low ! You should respect yourself, Nachito."
Ignacio could agree with that. He deserves a better boss and should immediately hang up.
"I guess that’s it then.” He said with a firm voice, hoping that the message will come across the other man’s head.
He was about to happily end the call but before he could-
"Meet me at my house tomorrow at noon."
“….. what ?"
“You heard me. I’m sending you the address. Buenas noches, mi gatita."
And then, Eduardo had the audacity to hang up on him first…
Nacho slowly came back to his book.
'I can’t believe I’m doing this with that piece of trash… I will try to chock him with "mi gatita" stupid ugly motherfuck-
———————————————————
The next day, Ignacio was in front of an house. This is where the address took him.
In his car, he watched himself in the rear view mirror. "Why am I doing this?” That’s the question that kept him awake all night.
But he knew how good he was at this. So perhaps his pride was the problem. But also the fact that this is his way to cope with the daily shit he has to face.
He took a big breathe, got out of his car and finally decided to go in that hell of a place.
After knocking on the door, it opened with a tasty flavor coming out of it.
It didn’t come from Lalo who was standing in front of him but it came from behind the man.
"¡Bienvenida a mi casa!"
Nacho noticed in the other man’s eyes that he suddenly got distracted from the way his visitor was dressed.
After all, he is a hooker. So of course he will dress pretty for those disgusting pigs.
Lalo’s dark eyes was mostly focused on Nacho’s breast that was voluntary compressed inside his tight shirt. For arousal purposes that seemed to work on the tall man who whistled at the view and asked "Do you have to wear a bra ?".
Of course.. bitchless asshole behavior.
"Are you going to let me in or are we doing this here ?” Nacho said, already impatient for this day to end.
"Tranquillo, llegaremos allí… for now, you need to eat." After those words, the client went back in his house without any explanation.
Ignacio didn’t have any other choice but to follow him inside… and the more steps he took, the more the satisfying smell was getting closer.
He finally found himself in front of a table with a plate of meat beautifully decorated with some vegetables.
Nacho just stood there while Lalo got himself comfortable on the chair in the opposite side.
"Vamos, siéntate. Hice esto solo para ti."
"You know that every minutes we pass together will cost you even more, right ?"
"I know, Nachito, lo sé. Now, sit with me."
He did as ordered. At any moment he could say no and leave. But he was curious about where this was going and who would turn his back to money ?
So he decided to accept the plate for this time and once again, he has to admit that this man knows how to cook cause this shit is delicious.
After some moments of awkward silence filled with Ignacio’s eating while Eduardo stares at him, the small man who finished the plate started to talk.
"So.. is this a kink of yours to watch people eat your food or ?"
Lalo gave him a ugly but honest chuckle.
"Not really a kink, I just enjoy feeding people. Plus, this is a good exchange since you are going to feed me.”
Nacho wished he could puke the food he has been fed.
"Then, I guess it’s your turn to take a taste but first… I have to go to the toilet."
Ignacio stood up while Lalo did the same.
"Alright, I will show you where the WC are and then, join me upstairs in my room."
After arriving to his destination and getting the privacy he needs, Nacho was about to join the other man when his phone suddenly rang.
He hides back in the room and answered.
"What !?”
"Hi ! Ignacio ! It’s me, James McGill ! The lawyer !"
Nacho groans in annoyance. "Yea, I know. I recognize your phone number since you have been calling me everyday so stop presenting yourself every time."
"Yes, sorry, it’s just, listen… I really need you right now.. you see, my partner, she is-
"Look, man.. I really don’t have the time right now. I am working so I will call you later."
"But this is urgent !"
"Sounds like a you problem. I have a mouth to feed so."
Nacho ended the call and put his phone on silence mode before going upstairs.
——————————————————————
Lalo was now panting on his bed, satisfied while Nacho was putting back his clothes.
"Nachito… that pussy of yours is absurd.. this is the best one I ever had."
Ignacio bites the 'have you ever had pussies in your life ?' back in his throat.
“Good for you, man."
The man on the bed repositioned himself to face him. His mouth and mustache still wet from the mix of Nacho’s fluid and his own saliva. What a pig.
“Was it good for you ?"
"Yeah, yeah. Are we done here ?" Nacho was all dressed up and ready to leave as he faced Eduardo.
"How about you stay for a little more ? I would love to share a yaoi blunt with you.”
Now what the actual fuck-
"Let’s do this another time, alright ? For now, you have to pay me 500 000 dollars."
Lalo face began to soften.
"That much ?”
“I told you, every minutes we pass together will cost you even more and it took you almost all afternoon to make me orgasm." If we could call this an orgasm, Nacho though.
"Come on, you are being mean now.. it’s not my fault if it’s so hard to please your poor nachussy !”
“What the fuck did you just fucking say about my nachussy, you little bitch ? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Pussy University, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret fuck raids on the cartel, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in kitty warfare and I’m the top pussy in the entire New Mexico armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over my vagina? Thinks again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pussies across New Mexico and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, asshole. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your dick. You’re fucking dead, old shit. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare pussy. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the New Mexico pussy forces and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking dick. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will fuck furry all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, man.”
Eduardo stayed silent.. Nacho decided to speak again.
“And one more thing. You are ugly as fuck, man.”
Lalo opened his mouth to say something but Ignacio cut him off to say one last thing.
"And you need to take more showers. You smell like horse’s shit…"
When the other man finally moved from the bed, he took his wallet and gave the money.
The small man realized that he received more than what he asked for.
Lalo, with tears in his eyes, finally spoke.
“I love the way you talk to me, I want your smart nachussy one more time, please.”
Who wouldn’t say no to money ?
So they went for another turn.
——————————————————————
Nacho was finally back home with lot of money despite receiving little to no pleasure in the act… he wasn’t expecting much anyway.
He goes to Churros, his pet snake who seems to be awake in his cute decorated cage.
"Hi mi corazón, ¿cómo estás? ¿Bien? Slept well ? You hungry ? Aww you’re so pretty, ¡mi bebé!”
After taking care of it, he let Churros wander around on his left hand while calling a number on his phone with his free hand.
"Hello ?”
"Hi, it’s Nacho."
"Omg Nacho ! How are you ??”
"Eh, good. What about you, Francesca ?"
A mix of a laugh and a sigh could be heard.
"Like usual, you know how it is.. new job, new people… and Jimmy.. he is a wild guy.”
"Eh, I can tell. He knows how to do it in bed.”
“I- … what ?”
“Yeah, about that, my new boss heard about my private business…”
“Don’t tell me.."
"Yep, I fucked with my new boss and girl.. hear me out… he sucks ass lmao.”
They were both giggling.
“Oh my.. I would love to hear about it but Jimmy gave me work to do for tonight..”
“That’s so shitty, girl.. I’m sending you good vibes.”
"Thanks and please… next time you see Jimmy, spank him hard for me and make sure it hurts for days."
"You can count on me, take care.”
Nacho ended the call, a little sad that he couldn’t have shit talked about Lalo with his bestie.. but he had someone else in mind right now.
He put back Churros in his little house and lays, his stomach on his bed, with his feet up kicking the air.
The phone rang on the line and after some time, the other person answered.
“…"
"Hey, it’s Nacho…"
“What’s going on ?”
"Nothing much. I just spent some time with my new boss… a Salamanca. I thought I could talk to you."
“Ok.."
"Yeah so… you remember my offer ?"
“Nacho… for the tenth time, I am not interested in your.. Nachussy.."
“Mike.. are you… are you straight ? Be honest.. you can talk to me."
"I’m not and this conversation is over.”
“No, wait !”
But it was clear enough… another short call for tonight.
What an interesting and shitty day.
He went back to his burn book.
'Dear burn book, I am spending this night alone. There is Churros of course. But no one to laugh with me or eat my nachussy.. like expected, Tuco is a best pussy eater than his cousin Lalo. Thinking about it.. I should try it with the twins… anyway, I should take a shower after having my pussy eaten by that old smelly garbage guy. I also don’t feel like killing myself tonight, proof that I don’t need a psychologist nor anti-depressant…'
Nacho suddenly stopped writing.
An idea reached his mind.
He moved as fast as possible to take back his phone and taps the number on it.
It immediately answered.
"Hi, it’s Nacho. Still need some help ?"
"Nacho ! Thanks god, right on time ! Please, I really need you right now at that same hotel, please !!"
“Alright, I will take a shower real fast and then we will talk business, Jimmy."
-End of this chapter-