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“You’re cheating .” Ken seethed through his teeth, pointing an accusing finger at Jackson. He did this almost every time a round ended.
Timothy snorted from where he was, drawing in his sketchbook, “I don’t think you can cheat in tic-tac-toe, Ken.”
Ken whirled on him, “You stay out of this.”
“It’s called strategy, man,” Jackson couldn’t help but chuckle from what unfolding in front of him.
“Bullshit! It’s X’s and O’s, there is no strategy -” A flying pillow cut Ken off, “What the hell?”
Jolie shifted on her bed, “Who was that?” She said as she tried to maneuver her body to cover the obvious spot where a pillow was missing. Ken shot her a piercing glare and threw the pillow back.
As Ken and Timothy went back and forth about how tic-tac-toe, Jackson leaned back onto his forearms to watch the chaos unfold.
He thought about how his life had come to this. Ever since Jackson moved into town, all that happened was pure drama. But after the fight with Exer and everyone else, he found friends in unexpected places.
It was because of them that Jackson was finally able to turn his life around and move forward. Forgive those he held resentment towards. Deal with the past and all the troubles in his mind. There were times Jackson couldn’t believe his life was going this well.
Those thoughts turned dark within seconds.
It happened with the reds, it was only a matter of time until they realized that Jackson wasn't good enough. Not the type of person they wanted to hang out with. Too much baggage to deal with. Maybe drama would unfold between the four of them, and it would all be Jackson’s fault. It always was. It followed him like his very shadow. It was inevitable. How it would happen, Jackson wasn’t sure. But it would probably end with Jackson becoming emotionally unstable and screaming insults that he knew weren’t true.
“You okay?” He jolted where he sat when Jolie’s voice was much closer than before. Jackson was so lost in thought that he hadn’t realized Jolie moved off he bed and was now sitting next to him.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jackson tried to sound normal like he wasn't having an existential crisis about this point in his life, “Why?”
Jolie stared at him for a moment. Jackson could feel himself getting flustered under her gaze. He turned away, eyes roaming around the room. What was a disagreement between Ken and Timothy about tic-tac-toe had somehow turned into a screaming match about who had more common sense. “You seemed,” Jolie paused between her words, the gears in her head turning, “I don’t know. Bothered, I guess?”
Jackson didn’t make eye contact, he kept his eyes glued to his hands as he contorted them in different directions, trying to relieve the tension building in his gut, “I was just thinking.”
They stayed quiet, watching as Timothy was trying to smother Ken with a stuffed animal. Jolie was the first to break the silence, “About?”
She didn’t pry Jackson for an answer, waiting patiently for him to respond. “It’s nothing, really. Don’t worry about me-“ Jackson was cut off a stuffed animals—that was being used as ammunition during Ken and Timothy’s pendejadas— that had hit him square in the forehead. It fell into his lap, the beady eyes looking staring into his soul. Jackson looked up at the pair, Ken and Timothy pointing fingers at each other.
Jackson shifted onto his knee, “Worry about them .”
Blood was shed that night.
X
When Jackson woke up, he wasn’t in Jolie’s room anymore. It was dark all around, but not completely pitch black. There was nothing in all directions, but stars were scattered in the darkness. Jackson should’ve felt scared, but for some reason, he felt calm and at ease. It was like he knew this place even though it was empty for as far as the eye could see.
“Guys?” He called out, but immediately knew something was off. He didn’t recognize the voice he let out. When Jackson looked down, his hands were small, legs short and wearing the clothes he hadn’t worn in over a decade. Was he a child again?
“ Jackson ?” The voice was muffled, like someone was calling to him from several rooms away.
He spun on his heels to face whoever was calling to him. Apparently a door had appeared out of thin air. Jackson felt some kind of pull towards the door, like something was luring him to it. It made him feel as if he weren’t in control. He had to get onto his tippy toes to barely reach the door handle, but when he cracked it open a tad, Jackson was hit with an overwhelming wave of nostalgia.
“Jackson?” A woman called his name. Jackson recognized it this time. It was his mother .
He looked back at the empty space, or what he thought would be the empty space. Jackson was in the closet, surrounded by jackets and shoes rather than what reminded him of the night sky.
He stepped into the room and realized he was in his childhood home. The living room looked just as Jackson remembered. The couch and coffee table where the adults would shoo the kids away and spill all the good chisme. Jackson’s toy chest that was on the brink of spilling over. Pictures hanging on the walls full of his family. It almost brought him to tears.
There was a hand on his shoulder and he jumped back, only to realize it was his mother. She hadn’t aged a day. Chocolate hair, caramel skin, eyes that looked like the midnight sky. She was wearing an apron with a few stains on it and held a wooden spoon in hand, “¿Que estás haciendo? Dinner’s almost ready.”
Jackson couldn’t believe it. It was her, standing right in front of him. She smiled and turned to go back to the kitchen, “Come on, mijo.”
He didn’t speak, but he did follow suit. Jackson entered the kitchen where his mother was simmering something on the stove. He wasn’t sure what it was, Jackson’s kid-sized-body being too Chaparro to see. She handed him two plates, some silverware, and two plastic cups, “Can you put this on the table, please?”
Jackson simply nodded, voice still not functioning. He tried his best to not drop anything as he attempted to organize his thoughts and emotions. All the feelings from his past had come up, like he really was a kid again after she had left. Jackson climbed onto a chair and set the table exactly how he used to every night. It didn’t make any sense. Why did this feel like reality?
“Jackie?” He didn’t realize that his mother had made her way over to him. She kneeled down so the two were eye level, Jackson still standing on his chair. She lifted her hand, brushing away his tears that Jackson didn’t even know were there. He was so lost. Her touch was too much for him, yet not enough, “What’s wrong?”
He stared at her, not knowing how to put his feelings into words. Jackson didn’t try to stop the tears streaming down his face, “Why did you leave?”
His mother paused, going completely still. “I’m sorry, Jackson,” there were tears in her eyes too, “If I had the choice, I never would’ve left.”
Jackson hated that response. He wanted her back. He missed her so much.
His mother must have seen his distress. She grabbed his shoulders, “Hey, look at me.” She waited for Jackson to look up and meet her eyes, “There will be a time in your life where everything will make sense. But I’m proud of you for all you’ve overcome. And I’ll always love you, even if I’m not there. Don’t doubt that for a second.”
Jackson looked down and fidgeted with his fingers. He didn’t want to be alone again.
“Jackie,” His mother whispered to him, “All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. And what I know is that you're surrounded by people who really care about you. And I want you to promise me that you won’t let them go.”
All Jackson could do at that moment was shut his eyes and lunge at her. He wanted to feel her embrace, something that he was deprived of for so long. Something he lost when he was so young.
But he didn’t get a hug.
He woke up before he had the chance.
X
When Ken woke up, his sleep-muddled mind couldn’t process what was going on. He looked around and saw that it was pitch black outside. He groaned, turning his back from the window and covering himself beneath the covers. As he faced the room, Ken noticed that someone was awake.
It was Jackson. Ken could never miss that iconic spiky hair (how it was still perfectly intact even at night, Ken did not understand). Jackson was sitting in the dark, blanket wrapped around him and knees up to his chest. Ken couldn’t see his face too well in the shadow, but he could tell that Jackson was trembling and breathing heavily.
What he was doing awake, Ken didn’t know. But something was definitely wrong.
“Jackson?” Ken called out to him, keeping his voice low so he didn’t wake the others. He didn’t think Jackson heard him, he didn’t even turn around. Ken’s eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, and that’s when he realized Jackson was crying, “Woah, what’s wrong?”
Jackson was unresponsive, bringing the blanket up to his face. It was like Jackson couldn’t hear anything.
Ken quickly got out from beneath his covers, making his way over to Jackson. He tried to get his attention, but nothing worked, “You gotta calm down, man.” Jackson’s breath was loud in the silent room, fast and uneven. He didn’t meet Ken’s eyes.
He had no experience with this type of thing, but something told him that now was not the time to joke around. But what was Ken supposed to do?
“Why are you two awake?” Jolie groaned, who must’ve woken up from the commotion. Ken looked over at her and saw that Timothy was starting to wake up as well, rubbing his eyes and searching for his glasses.
“Uh, something’s up with Jack,” Ken turned back to Jackson, but nothing. Tears were running down his face, his eyes unfocused. Jolie and Timothy caught on to what was happening, immediately getting up and rushing towards them.
Jolie cups Jackson’s face and their eyes meet. She doesn’t say anything, but she starts breathing loudly, making sure her breaths are deep and steady. Pretty soon, Jackson starts matching her, both of them inhaling and exhaling in sync.
Once he calmed down, they all stayed silent. There were still tears running down his face.
Jackson slowly brought a hand up to his face, wiping his cheeks, “I-I’m sorry-”
He barely got to finish his sentence. Timothy lunged at him, almost taking him down. Tim’s voice cracked, “You scared me, you jerk.”
Jolie followed, hugging Jackson tight and looked like she was on the brink of crying. Ken didn’t last either, wrapping his arms around them all and making them fall over to the ground. All of them laughed, even if it was full of tears.
Jackson remembered what his mother told him. Even though it was a dream, he knew she would’ve wanted it. He looked at them, “I love you guys.” Just because his mother couldn’t hear him doesn’t mean anything.
I promise.