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Silence is sleeping noiselessly beside her, breathing softly. Saria sits up and stretches, waking well before Silence’s alarm. The morning light is still cold as it seeps in through the drab grey blinds of Silence’s bedroom. She glances at the nightstand to the clock, confirming that it is in fact barely 6AM. On the nightstand, something catches her eye. Beside Silence’s glasses, there’s a plain white box of cigarettes. It’s half empty already.
Just yesterday morning she’d seen Silence open the pack as she’d waited for her equipment to calibrate. Despite the cold spring air, Silence had stepped outside after peeling the seal off of the carton and when Silence had returned she had looked refreshed. It's still on the forefront of her mind, when Saria's brushing her teeth. After, Saria takes the box and steps outside to the tiny balcony outside Silence’s room, closing the sliding door behind her.
The noise of the apartments is abated in the mornings, reduced by the early hour and the cooling weather. There’s not much of a view, only another identical drab apartment across from them and the poorly maintained courtyard that was shared between the two buildings. There’s a tiny stool with a forgotten lighter on it. Saria lights a cigarette with it. Examines the cigarette for a moment and inhales the smoke. Her lungs rebel viciously.
Her teeth more. Saria clears her throat but she only ends up in a coughing fit as the smoke sticks to the throat. Worse is how it sticks to the enamel of her teeth, layering it with a dense taste she can't shake. She clears her throat again when she feels a hand on her back. She can feel Silence’s other hand slide overs hers, taking the cigarette from her fingers.
"What are you doing?" Silence asks unhappily. Her voice is low from sleep.
"Seeing what you gained from this."
"It's not really that simple," she says. Silence crushes the cigarette into the near tray. She urges Saria back inside, one hand against her back.
"There isn't any pleasure to be had from this," Saria points out, clearing her throat once more. It still clings to the inside of her mouth, and she keeps wanting to roll her tongue against her teeth to wipe it off but she only tastes that sickly sweet run-over.
"That's how you should keep it," Silence sighs. "I started in University long before I was even an intern here," Silence says. "I asked a friend to let me try it when I was stressed over my final project in my first year. Next thing you know, I was asking for all of my projects."
"So you let it become a crutch," Saria says.
"Yes," Silence says simply. She is unashamed, but not naive. Silence heads for the bathroom. "Go have some water. Do you want to brush your teeth again?"
She does. She stops by the kitchen first to have some water but even the water tastes strange. Her teeth were always sensitive, but … Saria grimaces. She sets the cup down.
It's naive to say that people only smoke to enjoy it too. She heads back to the bathroom to where Silence is brushing her teeth. She joins her to clean her own again, trying to wick the lingering smoke from her teeth and gums away and onto to the minty bristles.
Silence seems amused by how vigorously she scrubs, but she looks away from Saria and hides her smile. Trying smartly to avoid a lecture.
"Should we get breakfast?" Silence asks.
Saria shakes her head. "I'll make something."
There is never really much to work with when it comes to Silence's kitchen. Silence has taken full advantage of Rhine's provided meal plan and eats often at the cafeteria of the facility.
"It's good to cook once in a while," Saria had told her once and had insisted that Silence stock her fridge with at least some essential foods. Milk. Eggs. Oranges.
"They go bad before I can finish it," Silence had complained.
Saria did not feed her rebuttals, and now she at least has eggs and bread. Silence even keeps salt now.
Silence remains quiet at the counter, sipping her coffee slowly as Saria prepares their meal.
"Ifrit is very impressionable," Saria says, placing a plate before her. She takes her own seat across from her with her meal.
Silence is briefly surprised by the sudden start, perhaps having thought she escaped a lecture. "She is," Silence says, slowly.
"It would be trouble if she found out you smoke."
"I don't think it would really matter to her," Silence says, once again, underestimating how much of an impact she has on that girl. Silence bites into her toast. "If anything she's much more likely to copy anything you do."
Saria shakes her head. "Not any more likely than if she were to be inspired by you."
Silence doesn't seem convinced. "I'm not so sure, but I'll try to hide it as well as I can from her."
"You should also try to stop."
"I know," Silence says. "One step at a time."
--
It's a very long time before Ifrit finds out, not until they are gone from Rhine and settled well onto the Rhodes Island dreadnought.
It's pure coincidence that Ifrit sees at all. It's late into the night and Silence is buzzing with energy and the frustration over an issue with her last lab trial.
Despite the long walk to the smoker’s bay from her lab usually being a deterrent, she goes anyways, needing a break, and needing to smoke to cool the irritation that builds. On top of that, she saw Saria today. Argued with her.
Petty things that have nothing to do with anything. But the sight of Saria ignites a very particular kind of angry, and Silence can't stem it until she comes out to smoke and breathes out the smoldering embers that Saria leaves her with.
It's too late to see much of anyone this way, and it is thankfully a silent walk.
Silence steps out into the open air, far in the short smokers bay of the deck. She pulls to the railing, takes a cigarette, puts it in her mouth and lights it with a minor art she'd learned just for this.
She wonders what it is about Oripathy that makes it so potent for artes for some people and why it disrupts others bodies so thoroughly. Even now, it is so completely unpredictable in how the infection manifests.
She rubs one of the Originium stones on her wrist. For her, the infection hadn't done much at all, having no particular detriment or no particular benefit save for letting her use weak conductions of fire artes. And of course the fatal diagnosis itself.
For Ifrit it had obviously made her stronger at the cost of increased and violent volatility. Though, even that can't be certain. How much of it is Ifrit's natural talent? How much of it is the influence of Oripathy?
She breathes out slowly. And as she turns her back to the railing she freezes.
It’s Ifrit. She's walking along the outside of the desk with a book. Is she coming from the east library?
For a moment Silence is very distinctly panicked, she freezes completely and does not know what to do. But Ifrit hasn't seen her. She hides the cigarette, crushing the butt against the back of her coat, quickly blowing out the smoke in her mouth over the railing. In her haste she bumps her elbow against the railing and jerks in pain. Ifrit turns at the motion.
"Oh, Silence!" Ifrit calls and immediately bounds over.
"Ifrit," Silence says. "You stopped by the library?”
"Uh huh. What are you doing?" Ifrit asks curiously. Most people wouldn’t be here after all. Especially not Silence this far from the lab.
Silence clears her throat and turns to stand downwind from her, gesturing to Ifrit with her other hand to join her.
"Just getting some fresh air. Another problem with the radiometer."
"Huh. Shouldn't you have someone from engineering look at it?"
"I will in the morning, when they're awake."
"Mayer's awake," Ifrit points out.
Silence smiles. "Yes, but I need a very particular kind of mechanic for this machine, and less experimental solutions. And for that, I need someone who isn't Mayer, or as busy as Closure. But why are you awake?"
Ifrit shrugs, and leans against the railing. "Iunno," she says, rubbing her shoulder. "I woke up and my arm was hurting... I couldn't go back to sleep."
"Oh," Silence says, drawing close to touch her shoulder. "Is it still hurting?"
Ifrit shakes her head.
"Let me have a look in the morning anyways. For now, you should try to head to bed."
"Yeah, I know," Ifrit says, without rebuttal, smiling. Then she wrinkles her nose. "Hey, what's that smell?"
Silence jerks back, hand still behind her back. She should... Smash the butt off the platform...but littering...
"...is that a cigarette?" Ifrit asks.
Silence for a moment doesn't say anything. She opens her mouth and closes it and she feels the very picture of indecent at the question.
"Yes," Silence admits.
The air around them immediately rises in temperature. Contrary to Saria's long past warning, Ifrit is not at all interested in trying it. Her expression is answer plenty on how she feels about the subject. Ifrit is furious.
"Yours? What the hell!" Ifrit says, once she seems to finally come to grips with the realization. "Why would you hide that from me?" she asks, clearly upset.
"I...I didn't think...We…" Silence immediately wants to protest, to tell her it was Saria's idea but the thought alone sours her. “I’m sorry. I suppose I should have told you.”
Ifrit's teeth grind. "Since when?"
"Since I was in University. Before Rhine." That meant long before she'd even met her.
"That long?" Ifrit gapes. Her brows furrow, and teeth grit. "Toss it!" she says angrily, and Silence is too stunned to do anything but obey. She crushes it in the near ashbox on the railing now no longer held back by trying to be discreet.
"I'm sorry," Silence says mutely, surprised by Ifrit’s anger over this.
"For what?" Ifrit snaps.
Silence doesn't quite know if it's for angering her or smoking. Perhaps, it is only to placate her though, since she only feels particularly guilty over one of those things.
"For hiding it," Silence says.
"Since University," Ifrit says. "For years! Saria would hate it if she knew. I hate it! Quit!"
Oh. It is a very righteous anger she seems to have. Silence bites back a smile.
"I don't smoke often anymore." Mostly now when she sees Saria. "Compared to University," Silence says. "And Saria did hate it. She asked me to hide it from you since she thought you would pick it up after me," Silence admits. She shakes her head. "I disagreed." Especially, now that she sees Ifrits's reaction.
Ifrit is surprised perhaps by such honesty, and maybe more by her speaking so casually of Saria. Or maybe she was surprised by what they thought of Ifrit’s tendencies.
"I'm not a little kid anymore," Ifrit mutters, gripping the railing tightly. "I wouldn't. Not now at least,” she says after some consideration. “Maybe…maybe when I was smaller, I guess.”
Silence tilts her head. “She's convinced you're quite impressionable. But that was a long time ago."
"...She would still hate it even now," Ifrit says. "That you smoke."
Silence exhales slowly. "She would, yes," Silence says. "Though hate is a strong word for her."
"She wouldn't like it," Ifrit corrects. “Since she’s such an obsessive health nut.”
"I know. She used to say that it made her teeth sticky." Complaining while continuing to kiss her. She twitches with the urge to light another one. But she feels a certain relief now that Ifrit knows. "Maybe I ought to pick up more. Now that you know. Hardly any reason to hide it." And bothering Saria would be worth it.
"Don't."
Silence looks back at the quietly steaming Ifrit.
"I won't smoke more than the usual then," she says, touching Ifrit's head.
"You won't stop?"
"I can't make promises like that," Silence says. And frankly, she does not think it will be so easy as making a promise. She does not have the discipline that Saria does.
"If you don't quit then I'll start."
"Ifrit," Silence says sharply, more sharply than she has ever spoken to her before. "Don't you dare joke like that."
"I'm not joking I'll--"
"You will not. No matter what I do or don't do, you will not."
"Why, what are you going to do about it?"
The sheer attitude immediately makes her furious. How naive. "Do you have any idea what you're saying?" she asks.
"Y-yeah, so what," Ifrit says, looking down as the sudden nerves die down. Silence calms. Ifrit isn't used to speaking like this to her. Silence isn't used to hearing her attitude directed to her like this either.
“Ifrit.”
"I can start, why shouldn't I?" Ifrit says, faltering in her bravado when faced with Silence’s anger.
Silence doesn't tell her, but she knows immediately that she will need to get Saria involved. It gnaws at her. But she wouldn’t have much choice. Even after Saria abandoned them, Ifrit will still hallow any word she says.
"I'm asking that you don't," Silence says, taking both of her shoulders. "I know you're worried, but I really don't smoke often. And it has been very hard just to get to this point. So please, do not make it harder. I ... I will be very upset if I have to see you go through this too."
"Then quit smoking."
What a childish response. Ifrit has a particularly upset whine to the tone like it should be that simple...
"Don't start smoking," Silence tells her. "And it will make it that much easier for me." The idea of having to get Saria to intervene was… The last thing she wants is to allow Saria to be anywhere near Ifrit. The thought alone is enough to make her itch, to make her wish her lungs were holding smoke.
"It'll be easier for you to stop if I don't...?" Ifrit seems mildly confused. "I don't get it."
“It’ll be easier for me to keep it manageable,” Silence explains. Though, the term itself is nebulous. She doesn’t know how else to quite explain that seeing Ifrit smoke, is only guaranteed to stress her into smoking more.
Ifrit deflates when it becomes clear her ultimatum hasn't worked.
“I would hate it. Me and Saria both,” Silence says finally.
“Really?”
"Promise me you won’t. It'll put one of my fears to ease," she says touching Ifrit's head. Still awed by how they're at eye level now. No...Ifrit is taller than Silence. She wonders if Ifrit will grow as tall as Saria? Probably not, but maybe close, with how much she's shot up in the last year alone.
Ifrit says nothing to her. Her eyes are narrowed in a dsiappointed anger.
"Ifrit," Silence says quietly. Asking her to abide by her request with the call of her name. "Please," she says. "It's one thing for me and the people I know to hang onto this crutch," Silence tells her. "But the last thing I want is for you to let this become yours."
"I..." Ifrit grimaces. Saria put so much emphasis on self-discipline and will power. Ifrit has always clung to that. She would never approve of Silence's habits. Silence just never expected for her to reject them so heavily in this way.
"Promise me," Silence says again.
"Okay," Ifrit says after a long moment. "I promise."
For a moment Silence couldn't accept that Ifrit has truly conceded. But Ifrit looks dead serious. It's been a long time since she's such an expression. Ifrit is unwavering.
Silence feels at ease.
"Good," she says, tussling her hair fondly. It really did lift her spirits. She feels lighter. "Now go to bed. It's really late for you."
"Okay, okay," Ifrit groans. "Fine. But you should too, come on. Give it a rest with your machine and your smokes. Don't go back to the lab."
"Okay," Silence says acquiescing. She had thought to stay back, finish a cigarette after Ifrit left, but she no longer feels the urge so keenly as before. Still there but…she sighs out and savors the little smoke she had left on her breath. For now this would have to do.