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Now that Ellie’s officially in the double digits, she’s much more mature. Last week, when Ruby asked her if she’d want to come over and play after school, Ellie had scoffed and said, No. But we could hang out, if you want. Her bed time got pushed back an hour and a half and she’s even allowed to stay home alone now, but only if she feels comfortable. (She’s yet to feel comfortable.)
Anyway, it’s because of her newfound maturity that she doesn’t immediately break down sobbing when she’s kidnapped.
It happens really fast. She’s walking home from the bus stop — which is only a block away from her apartment — when a car pulls up beside her on the curb, a man jumps out, and Ellie is yanked, kicking and screaming, into the car. She only processes flashes of it as it happens. A hand over her mouth, muffling her shouts. An old lady across the street, yelling and desperately pointing. A young guy farther down the sidewalk, twisting on his heel and staring back at Ellie in horror.
Then the door is closed and people are shouting and there are hands on Ellie, holding her still and yanking on ropes and telling her to shut the fuck up, God dammit!
That’s when the panic really sets in. The car peels away from the curb and Ellie obeys the strangers, falling silent, but only because she’s frozen still. Her heart beats terribly in her chest, so fast and hard that it hurts, and her whole body starts shaking. That’s when she does start crying, but she reasons that it doesn’t make her any less mature, because any normal person would cry if they were being kidnapped.
Dad will save me, she thinks desperately, clenching her eyes shut. He’ll unalive them and he’ll save me.
Time is a blur. There’s the speeding car, the city streets, then less busy streets, then a huge, abandoned building. Ellie’s brought inside and tied to a chair.
“This is idiotic,” one of her captors mutters. They’re fanned out in a loose circle, not too close to Ellie. “If you’re right about this, we’ll all be dead by morning.”
“Don’t be dramatic, the plan will work. And I am right.”
“How can you be sure? I didn’t think he even had a kid.”
“I got informants, all right? Just calm down.”
Ellie tests the ropes. She wiggles her wrists, tries to free her feet. If she were Wade, these ropes wouldn’t be able to hold her. She would have a secret knife hidden somewhere within reach. When the bad guys turned around, they would find an empty chair. Then Ellie would say, “Boo,” from directly behind them.
But she isn’t Wade. He rarely even lets her touch his knives — at least, not without an annoying amount of supervision. He’s been teaching her how to throw them, but Ellie’s aim is horrible so far, and she can only get the point to even stick in the surface about one out of every five throws.
“I don’t like it,” adds another one of her kidnappers. “Chances are, he won’t even bother to pay. A guy like that? No way he cares about some kid. Probably just got stuck with her.”
Ellie’s been crying on and off ever since she was grabbed off the street, but that sends a fresh wave of tears down her face, even if it isn’t true. And it isn’t.
Parts of it sound familiar, though.
She never knew her mom — she died when Ellie was really little, so she can’t remember her — and she was raised by her Abuela instead. Except Abuela’s super old. Even when Ellie was younger, that much was obvious. Anyway, raising a kid all on her own must’ve been too hard, because by the time Ellie turned six, she was introduced to her father.
(He hadn’t known anything about Ellie, just like how Ellie hadn’t known anything about him.)
They met one evening in Abuela’s living room. Wade sat on the armchair that Abuela had always said was Abuelo’s favorite, looking much too big for the chair. He was tall and hulking, which was obvious even though he was slouching, his elbows resting on his knees. Ellie had been sitting next to Abuela, hiding her face against her shoulder. All she knew back then was that Wade was a stranger — big and scarred and scary — and she had been nervous.
That first year had just been an introduction. Wade would sometimes pick her up after school and take her to dinner, or they’d go to museums, or the movies, or the park, or the zoo. Ellie doesn’t remember it as clearly now, but she knows the few first times that she spent time with Wade, it was a little awkward. But soon enough, she realized that Wade was really funny. And that even though he looked intimidating, he was actually nice. And then she realized that she loved having a dad, and that she loved that her dad was Wade, and that she loved Wade.
The year after that was when Abuela decided to move into a retirement home and Ellie moved in with Wade. She’s lived there ever since.
So, Ellie knows that the kidnappers have no idea what they’re talking about. She knows that they’re wrong. But she also knows that Wade didn’t even know she existed for the first half of her life, and that was kind of thrust upon him, so it hits deeper than it should.
She doesn’t even realize that she’s sobbing — like actual loud, hiccupping sobs — until one of the criminals snaps, “Can someone shut her up?” He has a phone pressed to his ear, though Ellie wasn’t paying attention well enough to have noticed when it rang.
“Hey, kid,” another one of them says. “Quit your cryin’. We ain’t gonna hurt you unless your Daddy refuses to pay up, all right?”
That makes Ellie sob harder. She hadn’t even been thinking of getting hurt until now!
“Jesus Christ. Handle it!” the guy on the phone snaps, and then he storms out of the room, leaving just the other two.
“Seriously, bro?” says the other guy. “I thought you were in child-care. You suck.”
“Yeah, with babies. That shit’s easy!”
Ellie’s trembling so hard that it’s making her wrists hurt, the ropes digging into her skin, and that’s when a new voice chimes in.
“Criminals in child-care? Yeesh, what’s the world come to?”
By the time the bad guys look up, it’s already too late. One gets a glob of web to the face, which makes him stumble around aimlessly, trying to pull it off his eyes, and the other is yanked up into the air. He dangles from the rafters, and as a blur shoots down past him, he’s left with his shirt pulled up over his head.
Ellie stares at the new arrival, gaping. All the evidence points to one obvious answer, but this guy looks nothing like the Spider-Man Ellie recognizes — mostly because he isn’t wearing the suit.
“Crappy day to get kidnapped, amirite?” he says, crouching next to Ellie and deftly untying her restraints. “Looks like these guys were amateurs, though. They didn’t even lock the windows.”
He has fluffy brown hair, dark brown eyes, and a kind smile. He seems totally relaxed, which makes Ellie feel more relaxed. She realizes belatedly that her hands are untied, and she wipes her eyes with her sleeve.
“Um,” she says. “Are you Spider-Man?”
Spider-Man glances down at himself dramatically. He pats his face, then his hair. “Oh, gosh,” he says. “Did I forget my costume? That’s embarrassing.”
Ellie can’t help but stare at him in amazement. No one knows what Spider-Man looks like. Ellie would know — Wade definitely would’ve said something.
“This yours?” Spidey asks. He webs Ellie’s backpack toward him, which was tossed carelessly into a corner of the room. “Could be mine. I have one just like it.”
Ellie snorts. It’s pink, glittery, and covered in unicorns.
But just then, the door bangs open and the kidnapper who was on the phone returns. He’s behind Spider-Man, but Ellie can see the sheer rage that plays across his face when he realizes that a stranger has untied Ellie. “Hey!” he shouts.
Spidey swings Ellie’s backpack over his shoulder, scoops Ellie into his arms, and shoots off a web that has them soaring through the air. “Whoops, sorry!” he calls without turning around. “We’re late for a birthday party — you understand!”
They fly through a window and into the city. Ellie squeals — mostly from excitement and only a little bit from fear — as they swing through the streets. It’s exhilarating. The wind yanks at her hair and makes tears stream from her eyes. She’s clinging to Spidey desperately, like she’d fall if she accidentally let go, but she can tell by his easy grip around her that he isn’t scared of that happening.
He swings easily, even though he only has one hand available, and Ellie eventually relaxes. Just a smidge.
“Kind of fun, huh?” Spidey says, grinning at her.
Ellie nods. Out of nowhere, she’s starting to feel shy, which is stupid. She wants to seem suave and unaffected, like she gets kidnapped and then saved by Spider-Man all the time, and this is just another day for her.
She’s a huge fan of Spider-Man though, so maybe it makes sense. She’s daydreamed about meeting him before and somehow impressing him — maybe with her awesome knife-throwing skills. Well, once she gets good at knife-throwing. Wade supports her daydreams wholeheartedly.
Spidey sets them down after just a few minutes of swinging, dropping into an empty alley and setting Ellie down carefully.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
Ellie nods importantly. “I’ve rode roller coasters before, so it wasn’t that scary.”
Spidey’s mouth quirks up in a grin. “That’s good,” he says. “Not everyone is so blasé about swinging. But I meant the whole kidnapping thing — are you hurt?”
Ellie blinks. She’s actively trying to forget the whole kidnapping thing, actually. She wouldn’t want that terrifying experience to overshadow the total awesomeness of getting to meet Spider-Man.
“I’m fine,” she says.
“What’s your name?”
“Ellie.”
“Tell you what, Ellie. How would you like a personal escort home from Spider-Man? Does that sound okay?”
“Uh, duh,” Ellie says. Then she remembers that she’s supposed to be cool and suave. “I mean, yeah, that’d be fine. No biggie.”
“Great. Now, normally, you shouldn’t go anywhere with strangers—”
“You can skip the stranger-danger lecture,” Ellie interrupts, crossing her arms. “I already got kidnapped, and I didn’t even talk to those people.”
Spidey stands there for a moment, his mouth hanging open. Then he shrugs. “Point taken.” He asks for Ellie’s address, which Ellie relays, and then they leave the alley together.
“We’re not gonna swing there?”
“Not without my costume,” Spidey says apologetically. “I only swing in emergencies when I don’t have it.”
“Why didn’t you have it?” Ellie says. “I mean, how’d you even know where to find me?”
“I saw it happen. There was no time to go home and grab my suit — I had to follow the car.”
Ellie remembers, then. The hand on her mouth, her feet kicking against her captor’s shins, and a man just down the sidewalk, spinning to face her, his eyes wide.
When they reach a crosswalk, Ellie moves to step into the street, but Spidey grabs her hand and stops her. “It’s not green.”
“Real New Yorkers jaywalk, Sp— Sven.”
Spidey laughs, but he doesn’t relent. He just raises an eyebrow at her and pointedly guides them across the street once the crosswalk light comes on. Ellie doesn’t drop his hand even when they reach the next sidewalk. She still feels a little jittery from the events of the day, and — let’s be real — when will she ever get another chance to hold Spider-Man’s hand?
There are little bracelets around his wrists. They’re small and metallic, and they look normal enough that Ellie wouldn’t normally think to question them. But this is Spider-Man, and Spider-Man shoots webs from his wrists. Spidey catches her staring after a minute or two.
“Know what they are?”
“I have a guess.”
Spidey glances around the sidewalk. Coming to some sort of conclusion, he holds out his opposite wrist, his arm angled toward the ground. “Press that little button,” he says.
Ellie does, and a glob of webbing splats at their feet. She gasps. “That’s so cool.”
It takes about twenty minutes for them to get home. They hop on the metro first, Spidey paying for her ticket, and he finds a seat for her and stands between Ellie and the rest of the commuters. That part’s kind of funny, because that’s what Wade does, too.
He asks her about school and Ellie begins a tirade about her day, starting from the bus ride where her and Ruby ranked all the boys in their class and ending with an anecdote about a jerk named Matthew, who Ellie blackmailed at recess after he tried to embarrass another one of her friends. Spidey frowns at that, suggesting a ‘friendly conversation’ in the future, but Ellie knows her way is more effective.
When they get off the subway, Ellie recognizes her surroundings and cheerfully leads Spidey down the street toward her apartment. She points out all the best spots to Spidey, like an awesome taco joint (“Oh, I know that one, actually!”), the park where she once watched a dog eat a rat, and the corner where her dad once fought off a burglar.
“You’ll tell your dad all about this, right?” Spidey asks, once they reach the building. He follows Ellie inside as she leads him toward the elevator, looking around the spacious lobby curiously. “It’s important that he knows about the bad guys. Then he can call the police.”
Ellie snorts. “Call the police,” she says, shaking her head in a very grown-up way. “Yeah, all right.” When she tells Wade, there definitely aren’t going to be any police involved. Just a red suit, katanas, and lots of guns.
But then Ellie catches Spidey’s frown, so she tries to look more earnest. “I’ll tell him,” she promises, just as the elevator opens. “He’s gonna lose his shit when I tell him Spider-Man saved me.”
“Ellie,” Spidey hisses. “Language!”
“What? I’m allowed one curse word a day.”
Ellie hits the button for the penthouse and Spidey finally hands her the backpack, which Ellie didn’t say anything about earlier because it was funny to see him wearing it.
“Your secret’s safe with me, by the way,” Ellie says. “I won’t tell anyone what you look like.”
“Thanks, Ellie. I appreciate it.”
She gets over her embarrassment and gives Spidey a hug once they reach the door to her apartment, thanking him for saving her. Spidey pats her head and reminds her to tell her dad, waiting for her to unlock the door before heading back to the elevator.
Ellie takes a deep breath before stepping into the apartment. The thing is, Wade really is going to lose his shit. He’ll probably be pacing like crazy, freaked out because of how late she is getting home. First there’ll be hugs, followed by demands to know where she’s been, followed by a long, scary silence once she tells him. Then he’ll probably call for a babysitter — no way either of them will feel comfortable with her staying home alone today, even if she is technically mature enough now.
Finally, Ellie opens the door and enters the storm.
--
Ellie stomps grumpily behind Wade as they turn down yet another grocery aisle. This is turning into the grocery trip from hell, because it’s taking foooreveeer. Plus she’s hungry, which is making her extra grouchy, and that’s compounded by the fact that Mrs. Brown assigned twice as much homework today as she usually does.
“Do you wanna push the cart?” Wade says, trying fruitlessly to cheer her up.
“No,” Ellie groans. She drags her feet, poking the boxes along the shelves and pushing them all further in, one by one.
Wade stops to grab a box of noodles off the shelf. Down the aisle, something clatters loudly, and then a chicken noodle soup rolls toward Ellie’s feet. She bends down to pick it up, and when she straightens, she sees him.
Spider-Man.
He’s standing in the middle of the grocery aisle. He has three cans of soup clutched in his hands, another laying by his feet, and Ellie seems to be holding the fifth.
Ellie’s mouth is dry. Her heart is thundering and she can feel her expression screaming I have a secret! even though she’s trying to make it not.
It’s been weeks since That Day. A little more than a month, actually. Wade’s been super protective of her ever since, which Ellie can’t seem to mind, because she still gets a little nervous even when she knows she shouldn’t be. Wade unalived those jerks the same day they kidnapped her, and she never walks home alone from the bus stop anymore.
Really, the biggest similarity in her life was the fact that she still never got to see Spidey — or so she thought.
For years, she thought it was unfair that Wade got to hang out with him all the time, meanwhile Ellie had never so much as seen him swing past her in the street. She’d begged him to invite the elusive hero to their apartment on countless occasions, but Wade was adamant. Ellie was his “precious little girl,” and even though he trusted Spidey with his (admittedly not very fragile) life, he didn’t trust anyone with Ellie’s.
That’s why no one knows Deadpool has a kid. That’s why he never wears his suit when they’re in public together, even though Ellie knows he hates the attention, the amount of people who stop and stare at his skin.
Spidey must know what Wade looks like, though. He’s staring at Wade with an expression of pure recognition, even without the iconic suit.
“You dropped your soup, dude,” Wade points out helpfully.
“Right,” Spidey says, clearing his throat. “Thanks.” He grabs the soup from the floor, then stares at the can in Ellie’s hand with a haunted expression. His gaze flicks between Ellie and Wade frantically.
Yep. He definitely didn’t know Wade had a kid. Or that the one kid who knows his identity is, in fact, the daughter of his friend and patrol partner.
“Yo, relinquish the soup, girl scout,” Wade says, turning to Ellie with a grin. But Ellie sees it, when it happens. The shift. How his eyes dart around her face, taking in her expression, followed by the change in his body language.
It’s subtle, but Ellie always notices it. It’s the shift from Wade to Deadpool. His shoulders draw back. His eyes harden. Even the way he’s standing changes, just a little bit. He’s gearing up for a fight, his gaze cutting toward the stranger instead of Ellie, but the only enemy he’s facing in this grocery aisle is Spider-Man.
Ellie’s sees the whole situation with sudden clarity. It’s like Adult Vision. Her, gaping at a man that she shouldn’t know, and Wade, watching his daughter stare at a stranger that he definitely doesn’t know.
“Do you know this man, Pumpkin?”
Why yes, he’s your dear friend Spider-Man! No need to stab him.
Ellie shuts her mouth and frowns. “You mean that nerdy guy? No.”
Wade coughs, embarrassed. “What did we say about insulting strangers?”
“Wait ‘til they’re gone?”
Wade laughs. He throws Spidey a look that says, kids, amirite?! Except Ellie witnesses everything with bizarre insight. For one thing, Wade doesn’t actually believe her — not yet. He’s still all Deadpool-y, but he’s trying to make Spidey feel like he’s off the hook, hence the easy-going grin. Except Spidey knows that Wade is Deadpool, so he probably also knows this very tactic. In fact, Ellie watches as he forces himself to relax, smiling back. But neither of them are relaxed. Ellis is a god. She knows all!
“Don’t worry about it,” Spidey says. “This isn’t the first time I’ve been called a nerd. I’ve learned to take it as a compliment.”
Wade laughs. Faaake. Then he turns to Ellie. “What was with that gasp face, then?”
“That,” Ellie says immediately. She points past Spider-Man, where a giant stuffed dolphin is hanging from its tag on one of the endcaps.
Wade’s eye twitches. “You have enough stuffed animals. Way more than enough.”
“But I don’t have any like that,” Ellie protests. “Besides, I already named him.”
“You named him.”
“Yep. Mr. Dolphin.”
“Clever,” Wade deadpans. “Very original.”
Ellie crosses her arms, still holding the can of soup. “You have a Mr. Unicorn. This is a judgement-free zone!”
Wade rolls his eyes. The tension bleeds out of him, but Ellie knows better than to be entirely relieved. He might just be satisfied for the moment.
Ellie crosses the aisle, hands Spidey his soup with a “Here you go, mister!” and grabs the dolphin she was eyeing. All three of them go their separate ways and manage to exit the store with all their limbs intact, which Ellie counts as a success.
--
The third bedroom in their apartment is just for Deadpool stuff. The master is Wade’s and the second biggest is Ellie’s. They’re on opposite sides of the apartment, with the living room and kitchen lying in between, and the third bedroom right across the hall from Wade’s.
Ellie sneaks into the Deadpool room when Wade’s in the shower, knowing that this allots her at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted snooping. It’s not the first time she’s snuck into this room, but it is the first time she’s done it with a purpose.
This room is the one room that always looks like a mess. They keep the kitchen clean and the living room only ever gets cluttered, but the Deadpool room clearly isn’t the focus of any of Wade’s cleaning abilities. It’s chock-full of weapons — some on stands, some just thrown in piles — and Ellie knows better than to touch them.
There’s a closet with Wade’s Deadpool suit and backup suit and backup-backup suit. And, most importantly, there’s his Wall of Crazy.
Wade frequents this room more regularly when he’s in the middle of a big job. Otherwise, Ellie barely sees him use it — just to gear up before leaving for patrols with Spidey. But the last couple of weeks, he’s been using it a lot. And Ellie realizes it’s exactly what she feared when she looks at the crazy wall.
Smack dab in the middle is a picture of Spidey. It isn’t a selfie or a profile picture — it’s far away and a little blurry, taken when he was clearly unaware. There are others just like it, and at multiple different locations. Once is through what looks to be a bedroom window, and it shows him sitting on a bed, a laptop propped open in his lap.
There are other things on the wall too. Pictures of some old woman with a line connecting her to Spidey. A job description, which uses a lot of big and brain-hurting words, but sounds like some sort of science thing. There are addresses, newspaper clippings, bank statements, and phone numbers. And scribbled on a piece of paper, circled three times with a red marker, is a name. Peter Parker.
Ellie feels sick to her stomach. Despite all of Wade’s stalking, it looks like he hasn’t figured out that this guy — Peter, apparently — is actually Spider-Man. Peter must be really stealthy with his Spidey stuff if Wade hasn’t figured it out yet, though apparently he’s oblivious enough that he hasn’t caught onto the fact that he’s being stalked.
Still, it’s probably only a matter of time before Wade figures it out. At least, if he doesn’t accidentally kill Spider-Man first.
The only source of relief is that fact that Wade obviously hasn’t found a connection between Peter and Ellie yet. There’s a picture of Ellie on the wall too, and while there’s a string connecting her to Peter, it’s adorned only with a sticky note featuring a giant question mark.
Ellie makes it back to the living room just in time. She’s sitting on the couch reading a book when Wade emerges from his bedroom, freshly showered and dressed in sweats.
“Reading? Blegh,” he says.
“Okay, Harry Wormwood.”
Wade gasps, pressing a hand to his chest. “You take that back. How dare you use Matilda against me!”
Ellie just sticks her tongue out, and Wade rolls his eyes playfully before heading to the kitchen. She can hear him talking to the boxes in there, stuff like, “Shut up, of course I want her to read,” and “Yeah, maybe I should break into his apartment,” and “I’m smart, you’re dumb; I’m big, you’re little; I’m right, you’re wrong.”
She follows him into the kitchen shortly after, enticed by the smell of cooking food as well as a desire to placate her fears.
“Should be ready soon,” Wade says, noticing her. “Taste test?”
Ellie hops onto the counter, accepting the spoon that he passes her and tasting the sauce. “Yummy.”
“For realz? Don’t butter me up, sweetheart. I can take it.”
Ellie grins. “Maybe a little more salt.”
Wade obeys, adding more salt, and Ellie kicks her feet against the cabinets. “Dad?”
“Mm?”
“When you’re on a job, do you ever make mistakes?”
Wade frowns. “Are you asking if I get hurt? ‘Cause you know nothing really hurts me. I bounce back like a heavyweight champion. Is that a saying?”
“No,” Ellie says.
“You sure? Like, they get thrown against the ropes and bounce back into the fight, you know?”
“No, I mean, that wasn’t what I was asking,” Ellie says. “I meant, do you ever unalive the wrong person?”
Wade sets down his wooden spoon. He turns to face Ellie, leaning back against the opposite counter and crossing his arms.
“Where’s this coming from?”
Ellie shrugs. “I’m just curious. Do you?”
Wade stares at her for a long moment. And then, finally, he shakes his head. “I’m a professional, Elz. If I’m not 100% sure about something, I don’t pull the trigger.”
“That’s good.”
“Is there anything you want to tell me?” Wade adds, his eyebrows inching upward.
Ellie shakes her head, even though part of her really does want to tell Wade. Then he would stop hunting Spidey. But she’d also be betraying Spidey’s trust, and she doesn’t want to make him regret rescuing her.
“You sure?”
“Well… there is one thing.”
Wade blinks, surprised. “What is it?”
Ellie schools her expression into one of boredom, staring dramatically at her nails. “The sauce was only okay,” she lies.
“Why you little—!”
Ellie shrieks, jumping off the counter and racing into the living room, but Wade chases her. “Get back here, you rugrat!”
He catches her quickly, scooping her off the ground and flipping her upside down, and then he starts shaking her back and forth. “If it’s so bad, why don’t you spit it back up?” he says.
“Dad!” Ellie shouts, laughing. Wade starts jumping up and down. “St-oo-op!”
“Give — it — back!”
Ellie giggles violently. Wade tosses her on the couch, poking her in the stomach for good measure before he heads back to the kitchen. “Just okay,” he mutters, shaking his head. “No sauce on your dinner — that’s your punishment!”
—
Ellie knows that she’s breaking the rules. However, since it’s for a good cause, she figures that it’s probably okay. Like, universe-karma-wise. Wade would be pissed, but Ellie doesn’t intend to let him find out.
It all started when Ruby invited her to have a sleepover after school. Ellie rode Ruby’s bus home, and when it stopped at the corner of the street, Ellie recognized the street name with a sense of awe. She’d accidentally memorized Peter’s address — she’s snuck into the Deadpool room many times since the first, just to see if there were shocking updates — and she’d seen Spidey’s address so many times that it just couldn’t be helped.
It especially can’t be helped when Ellie realizes that Ruby lives in the very same building as him. To think, all the times she’s been to visit Ruby, and she was mere floors away from her favorite hero!
Ruby lives with just her mom. Their apartment is a lot smaller than Ellie’s, but she’s always loved visiting, because she likes that her best friend lives with just one parent too. Plus, her mom makes food almost as good as Wade does, and she always seems happy to have Ellie over. She’s also one of the few parents of Ellie’s friends who actually allows playdates at Ellie’s place. Plus, it’s obvious that Wade likes her too — she never looks at him weird and Wade never has anything bad to say about her, which is rare.
That night, after Ruby falls asleep, Ellie sneaks out of her bedroom and then out of the apartment, whispering a silent apology to Ruby’s mom. She ascends three floors, finds the door marked 908, and knocks.
It’s a long shot, she knows. It’s already dark out, so there’s a chance Peter isn’t even home, out doing Spidey stuff instead, but she has to try.
A minute later, the door creaks open and Peter stares at her through the crack that the deadbolt allows — first with hesitant confusion, and then with blatant disbelief.
“Ellie?” he blurts. “What are you doing here?” And then his gaze roves past her, down the hall, like Wade might be hiding behind one of the potted plants.
“I came to warn you,” Ellie informs him, very maturely. “Can I come in?”
Peter’s gaping. He blinks several times, then closes his mouth. “I— yeah. Yeah, all right.”
The door shuts and then opens again. Peter invites Ellie into his apartment, which is an even smaller unit than Ruby’s.
“Thank you for having me,” Ellie says, since she knows what manners are even if she prefers not to use them.
“Are you okay?” Peter asks immediately. He gestures toward the couch distractedly, and when Ellie sits, he perches on the table across from her. “Actually, how did you know where I live?”
“That’s what I came to warn you about,” Ellie says seriously. “My dad is investigating you. You’re on his Crazy Wall. He even has your bank statements.”
Spidey gapes. He turns around, just a little, and glances out the nearest window. Ellie copies him, just because there probably is a chance that Wade could be sitting out there, spying. He isn’t, so Ellie relaxes.
“He knows who I am?”
“Not yet,” Ellie says. “But it’s only a matter of time. He thinks you’re a bad guy. I guess my Mr. Dolphin trick in the store didn’t convince him.”
Peter rubs his eyes. Then he sits up straight. “I don’t want you worrying about me, Ellie.”
“But I had to tell you,” Ellie insists.
“And I appreciate it,” Peter says. “But I live nowhere near your apartment. That was a dangerous trip to make, and so late at night…”
“Oh, I didn’t walk here,” Ellie says. “I’m sleeping over at my friend’s house. She lives three floors down — who knew?”
That seems to placate him a little. “That’s better, at least,” he says. “But don’t worry about this anymore, okay? I’ll tell your dad that I’m Spider-Man and it’ll all work out.”
Ellie is in the middle of nodding, some part of her mind thinking that that makes sense, when all the sudden and without explanation, she starts crying.
“Woah!” Peter says. “Woah, don’t cry! Um, it’s okay. Don’t cry. What’s wrong?”
Ellie shrugs, even though her lips are trembling and she can’t make the tears stop. Spidey clearly doesn’t know what to do with himself. His hands are half raised, his eyes wide, and he ends up patting Ellie on the shoulder. “You don’t know?” he asks.
Ellie shrugs again, and then words are pouring out of her. “I-It’s just,” she hiccups, “if I h-hadn’t gotten kidnapped, your identity would still be s-safe. And now it’s not and I ruined it!”
“It’s okay!” Peter says, shushing her frantically. “Seriously, it’s fine! I was going to tell Wade soon, anyway. And it’s not your fault for getting kidnapped.”
“Really?” Ellie says, her voice quiet and small. The tears stop just as quickly as they started and Peter smiles, looking relieved.
“Really really,” he assures her. “I’m sure you already know this, but me and your dad are, um, best friends. I was surprised when I realized you were his daughter, but I know he was just protecting you.”
Ellie’s starting to feel like it’s probably hug o’clock — and then bedtime, because the stress of her mission plus the accidental waterworks really tired her out — but at that moment, all hell breaks loose. A window across the apartment shatters and Wade somersaults through it, dressed as Deadpool. He jumps to his feet, brandishing two guns, and shouts, “Get away from my daughter, you sick bastard!”
“Dad!”
“Step away from the pervert, Ellie.”
Peter backs away from her, his hands raised placatingly, and Ellie is panicking. “It’s not what you think,” Peter says.
“Nice, haven’t heard that one before,” Wade growls. “Ellie, do me a favor and close your eyes? I don’t want you seeing a man’s brains blown out until you’re at least 15.”
“Dad, no! You can’t!”
“You’re never going to Ruby’s house again,” Wade mutters. “Is that how you met this creep? Fuck, I should’ve seen it sooner.”
“’Pool, seriously, I can explain—”
Wade flings a knife at him. Ellie doesn’t even see him grab it, doesn’t see him switch it for the gun. Peter must have, though, because he dodges out of the way and then Wade’s charging at him, the two of them grappling out of nowhere. Wade is punching and choking him and grabbing more and more knives, and Peter is just barely escaping the worst of the assault, unable to explain himself with a hand around his throat—
“He’s Spider-Man!” Ellie shrieks.
It takes a second for the words to register, but then Wade grows still, sitting on Peter’s lap and pinning him to the floor. Finally, he loosens his hand, and the color rushes back into Peter’s face as he gasps.
“You’re… what?”
“It’s true,” Peter says weakly, offering up a shaky grin. “Ellie stopped by my apartment to warn me that you were stalking me, apparently.”
“But…”
“When she got kidnapped, I didn’t have my suit on me,” Peter explains. “I didn’t know she was your daughter. Not until we bumped into each other in the store, anyway. And then I didn’t know what to say, because I knew I wasn’t supposed to know… It was a whole mess.”
“Okay,” Wade says slowly. “So, you’re not grooming my daughter.”
“Definitely not.”
“But you did get her to lie to me.”
Peter winces. “I didn’t ask her to,” he says. “I’m sorry, Wade.”
Wade is silent for a moment, apparently thinking. And then he finally stands up, offering Spidey a hand. “I guess there are worse things to lie about,” he says. “Kinda honorable, protecting a super’s identity.”
Ellie sniffles, then, and Wade seems to remember that she’s there. He turns to face her, and Ellie can see the way his expression shifts under the mask. “I’m sorry, Ellie-belly,” he says. “Did I scare you?”
She pouts — hard enough that it replaces the urge to cry — and then she crosses the room when Wade opens up his arms. He lifts her into the air and hugs her against his side, propping her there on one hip. She’s a big kid now, so he doesn’t usually carry her like this anymore, but Ellie doesn’t mind it in the moment. She buries her face in his shoulder, sniffling.
“I didn’t want you to kill him,” she mumbles. “He was on your Crazy Wall.”
“Bruh, what did we say about going into the Deadpool room?”
“For Deadpools only,” Ellie mutters.
“Ah, so you do know the rules. Just checking.”
“It was for a good cause!” Ellie protests. “I practically saved Spider-Man’s life!”
Peter and Deadpool get the same expression at that. Like, eeeeh…. not really.
“I can protect myself, Ellie,” Peter says gently. “Although, I appreciate your concern for me. That was really sweet.”
“I never woulda tried to kill him if I hadn’t seen you in his apartment,” Wade adds. “I was just sus of him.”
Peter snorts. And then he gets this look on his face that Ellie doesn’t understand. It’s directed at Wade and — confusingly enough — Wade is making the same kind of expression back, under the mask.
“Talk in a bit?” Wade offers. “I’mma take the troublemaker home. Gonna tell Mrs. Mattel you had a nightmare,” he adds for Ellie’s benefit.
“Sounds good,” Spidey says. “Usual place?”
“I’ll bring the tacos.”
--
After Wade puts Ellie to bed, she sneaks out to follow him. What? She’s being raised by Deadpool, she can’t be expected to follow the rules all the time.
Also, mortifyingly enough, Ellie finds out that the ‘usual place’ is the roof of the very building she lives in. Even worse, since she lives in the penthouse, they’re literally sitting on top of what is essentially her ceiling. All these years, all the times she’s begged Wade to let her meet Spider-Man, and they were sitting right up here!
She’s hiding behind the roof access door, spying on Wade and Spidey, who are sitting on the ledge on the opposite side of the roof. They’re both in costume now, and the only thing separating them is their bag of tacos.
“I really am sorry about everything,” Spidey says, leaning sideways enough to bump Wade’s shoulder with his own. “I probably should’ve realized sooner. I didn’t even recognize this building from ground-level.”
“Eh, shit happens. I coulda maybe gone about things more calmly.”
Spidey snorts. “You? Calm?”
“Can it, Webs.”
Spidey is silent as he chows down on one of his tacos, but then he suddenly snorts. “I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out when you got all super sweet.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Right after Ellie was kidnapped,” Spidey says. “You were treating me like I was a god, or something. I didn’t realize I saved your kid.”
“You are a god,” Wade says. “New York wouldn’t have survived my wrath if anything had happened to Ellie. So technically, you saved millions!”
They talk a little while longer while they polish off the rest of their meal. Spidey mentions that he was planning to reveal his identity to Wade soon anyway and Wade responds with something too low for Ellie to catch, which makes Spidey laugh and smack him in the arm. And then Spidey’s excusing himself, talking about how he’s going to head out to patrol, and Wade excuses himself too.
“Gonna head back. Didn’t get a ‘sitter tonight.”
Spidey shakes his head. “See, now it makes sense why we always sit on this building.”
“What can I say? I’m a good dad,” Wade says dramatically. He stretches with extreme exaggeration, letting out a groan.
“You are,” Spidey says. “I can tell. She totally adores you.”
“Heh. I adore her back. Best thing that ever happened to me.”
Spidey clears his throat. “It doesn’t change anything for me, you know. I’m still…” he waves his hand between them. Clears his throat again. “…good with this.”
Wade grins. “Oh yeah?”
In lieu of an answer, Spidey leans in and kisses him.
Ellie’s mind explodes. “You’re DATING?” she blurts, totally blowing her cover. They jump apart, Wade scrambling to his feet and turning to face her.
“Ellie!” he shouts. “What the eff, dawg! You’re supposed to be in bed.”
“He kissed you!”
“Oh God,” says Spidey. “I should go—”
“Don’t you dare,” Wade growls, gripping his elbow. Then, “Since when did you become such a little stalker?” he adds, pointing at Ellie.
“It’s in my blood!” Ellie protests. “It’s not my fault!”
“You’re soooo grounded,” Wade says. “Lying to me, sneaking out… It’s like you’re already a teenager!”
Spidey shifts awkwardly. “Um. Do I really have to be here for this?” he mutters.
“You said this didn’t change things,” Wade points out. “Now you get to be a part of family arguments.”
“How long have you been dating?” Ellie demands.
“Are you upset or not, ‘cause I can’t tell!” Wade demands back.
“Not! I’m excited! You should’ve told me!”
“Okay! Your tone sounds very angry! You should work on that!”
“I will!”
“Good!”
Ellie stands there, arms crossed. Wade also stands there, his arms also crossed. Peter, on the other hand, is scratching his neck awkwardly, looking between the two of them. “We’ve been dating for about six months, Ellie,” he says.
Ellie gasps. “That’s so long.”
“Yeah, well,” Wade says, a dopey expression on his face. “You’re really not upset?”
“Really. This is like a dream come true, I’m not gonna lie.”
Wade elbows Peter in the side. “Any chance you’ll risk skipping patrol tonight? You could visit the apartment.” He clears his throat. “Get to know Ellie, or whatever.”
“Spidey-sense says that should be fine,” Peter allows, and then they’re all making their way back into the apartment, by some insane change of luck. No one even mentions that it’s way past Ellie’s bedtime.
“Does this mean I’m not grounded?” Ellie asks as they step through the front door, Peter pulling off his mask and looking all around.
“Definitely not. Good try though, I admire the persistence.”
--
On Ellie’s eleventh birthday, Peter bakes her a cake.
He spends hours in the kitchen, mixing batter and whipping icing and cursing under his breath when he messes something up. There’s flour on his cheek and in his hair, but as Wade tells it, the mess just makes him so gosh darn adorable.
They spent the day doing all of Ellie’s favorite things, like going shopping, eating out for lunch, throwing knives at targets on the roof, and swinging through the city for a quick joy ride. They’re ending the day at home, a huge order of Chinese food on the way and the cake finally almost done, Peter icing it with painstaking determination.
Ellie’s sitting on the floor, Wade on the couch behind her as he braids her hair. Later, they’ll all squish together on the couch and it’ll be Ellie’s turn to choose a movie, because even though it was also her turn last time, it’s her birthday, so she gets to choose again.
And, because she’s even more mature now at eleven, she won’t say anything when Peter inevitably stays the night. He’s been spending more and more time here, and while Ellie knows both of them think she hasn’t noticed, she’s not an idiot. Half of Peter’s belongings seem to live here, and Ellie knows it’s only a matter of time before he moves in officially.
She doesn’t really know what they’re waiting for, but she thinks it might have something to do with her. They’re probably trying to take things slow for her sake, but Ellie’s watched enough TV to know that when two people are in love, the next obvious step is to live together.
“They can’t hear you, it’s not our POV,” Wade mutters to one of the boxes. Ellie ignores him, concentrating instead on the cake that Peter is icing across the room. The cake must still be too hot, because all the icing is sloughing off the sides, and Peter looks frustrated.
“Fine, I’ll tell her,” Wade says. “Ellie, honey? The boxes are saying it’s time to hurry up with the epilogue so we can eat cake.”
“I’m not sure Peter’s done with the cake,” Ellie points out.
“It’s as good as it’s gonna get. Give up already, Petey! It doesn’t have to look pretty!”
“You insult my cake decorating skills?” Peter says. “Divorce.”
“Not married.”
“Marriage, then divorce.”
“I call flower girl for both,” Ellie says.
“Hell yeah. Divorce flower girls are in. All black flowers, though. Emo version!”
Ellie giggles, and then they gorge themselves on cake, and then they watch How to Train Your Dragon for the millionth time, which absolutely no one is upset about. After that, they probably live happily ever after, or something.
(What? She’s related to Deadpool — abrupt endings are in her blood.)