Work Text:
pinky (00:47)
hello babe
baby
sweet cheeks
pumpkin pie whipped cream turkey thanksgiving dinner
bro that actually my hoe that listens to my woes and goes w the flow
thumb (00:48)
hello my precious angel baby pound cake with three layers of buttercream frosting
brother from another mother except were from alabama so its all okaylama
pinky (00:48)
ok that ones just weird
why tf am i a pound cake ☹️
thumb (00:48)
yk damn well why
*smirks*
pinky (00:49)
*growls in lust*
*starts panting*
“woof”
thumb (00:49)
”bark”
”bark bark”
^roughly translates to what do you want
pinky (00:50)
oh shit yeah i forgot i wanted to ask u sumn
lwk
whats ur fav mario girl
thumb (00:50)
what
why
pinky (00:50)
reading fanfiction and i needa know which bitch i gotta pretend to b to feel loved
duh
thumb (00:50)
oh ofc
diasy
daist
daisu
diasy
fuck
daisy
pinky (00:50)
youre kidding me
youre actually shitting me
theres no fucking way
no fucking way
what the fuck
thumb (00:51)
geez my spelling isnt that bad
pinky (00:51)
THATS NOT THE FUCKING ISSUE HERE???
WHY DID U CHOOSE DAISY
OF ALL THE GIRLS
YOU GOT PEACH
ROSALINA
PAULINE
THAT FUCKING PINK MUSHROOM
N YOU CHOOSE DAISY?????
i cant
thumb (00:51)
WHATS WRONG WITH DAISY
SHES CUTE AF
DAWG
SHE GOT THAT ORANGE DRESS N SHIT
WHAT
PEACH BASIC ASS
ROSALINA EMO ASS
pauline actually really nice but DAISY BETTER
AND IM NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH A MUSHROOM ????????
BITCH??
pinky (00:57)
sorry i had to piss
thumb (00:58)
coulda facetimed me
my mouth wouldve been open
pinky (00:58)
next time bbg
BUT ANYWAYS
DID U JUST CALL PEACH BASIC
THE IT GIRL
THE OG
THE START UP
THE REASON U EVEN KNOW ABT DAISY
ACTING AS IF DAISY EVEN HAS A STORYLINE
LMAO
thumb (00:58)
ACTING AS IF PEACH AINT THE MOST BASIC BITCH IN ALL THE LANDS????
MY GIRL GETS KIDNAPPED EVERY SECOND
YOUD THINK SHE HAS ENOUGH BRAINCELLS TO LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR
pinky (00:59)
this betrayal is too much for me
im going to sleep
while gazing at the moon and silently weeping the death of our bromance
thumb (01:00)
u do that
come back when ur ready to admit that daisy is the best
pinky (01:00)
i would never
my finger is actually hovering the block button rn
thumb (01:00)
mine is too
on the count of three
three
pinky (01:00)
one
oh fuck
on the count of three jackass
ur doing it the wrong way
thumb (01:01)
wtf
does it really amtter
who even cares abt that stuff
pinky (01:01)
me bitch
stop gaslighting me
and dismissing my emotions
i feel so invalidated rn
thumb (01:01)
goos
pinky (01:01)
HAHHAHAH GOOS
QUACK
thumb (01:01)
thats a duck genius
gooses go
HAWQUE
duh
pinky (01:02)
im divorcing u
dont even
talk to the mf hand
thumb (01:02)
were not fucking married idiot
how r u gon divorce me
pinky (01:02)
try me jackass
first u talk shit abt my bb peach
then u start dismissing my emotions
then u act like mr david attenbruh as if uve ever actuals seen a goose
will u marry me
thumb (01:02)
LMAO
NO
AHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA
pinky has made a group chat with thumb, iwaizumi, and oikawa
pinky has changed iwaizumi to “index”
pinky has changed oikawa to “middle”
pinky has changed group chat name to fis(h)t
thumb (01:03)
this is like our 7th gc
omg also the index thing is genious
cuz iwaizumi and index
pinky (01:03)
ty bby
i put a lot of thought into it
so.
index (01:05)
what
that doesn even make sense
also why did u make this
u should b asleep
thumb (01:05)
ur talking a lot for someone who just sent 4 messages at once
pinky (01:05)
LMAO
anyways iwa ur gonna b our officiator
n oikawa is our witness
go
middle (01:05)
why cant i be the officiator :(
also why am i the middle finger ?!?!??!
thumb (01:06)
cuz fuck u
pinky (01:06)
cuz fuck you
middle (01:06)
IWAaAA
THEYRE BEING MEAN D:
index (01:06)
so?
also what is this for
i still dont get it
pinky (01:06)
i want to divorce mattsun but were not married so ur marrying us with oikawa as the witness (so its legit) and then i can divorce him
duh
thumb (01:06)
yeah duh
middle (01:07)
yeah duh iwa
index (01:07)
that literally explains nothing????
pinky (01:07)
i shoulda grabbed that hottie from karasuno
hes like iwaizumi but better
n caption instead of vice
or watari
watari would’ve known what to do
we would’ve been happi;ly divorced already
thumb (01:07)
right ??
idk why u grabbed this dumbass
index (01:08)
officiate your own fucking wedding.
index has left fis(h)t
middle has added iwaizumi into fis(h)t
middle has changed iwaizumi to “index”
middle (01:10)
CMON IWAAA
ITS IN THE NAME OF LOVE
ITLL BE FUNNN
THEY DIDNT MEAN IT >:(
ITS IN THE NAME OF ST VALENTINE
AND CHOCOLATES
AND THE COLOUR RED
AND LAW SCHOOL
IWAAAAA
IWAAAAAAAAAAAAA
IWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
index (01:13)
fucking hell
ill do it
thumb (01:13)
YEAAHHHHH
THANK U MIDDLE FINGER
pinky (01:13)
YEASSSSS
THX
index (01:13)
fuck fine
where do i start
pinky (01:13)
idfk
this my first time getting married
kinda nervous
thumb (01:14)
me 2 ngl
ur the officiatpr
what do we do
middle (01:14)
(the bride walks down the aisle first !!!)
wait whose the bride
yall gay
pinky (01:14)
rock paper sissors
on three
one
two
three
thumb (01:14)
rock
pinky (01:14)
scissors
fuck
thumb (01:14)
HAHHAHA THAT 57-49
HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAH
UR THE BRIDE
index (01:14)
i regret sm
middle (01:14)
it’s in the name of luvvvv iwa D:
also shut up the bride is walking
pinky (01:15)
*walks*
thumb (01:15)
*cries*
pinky (01:15)
*reached the altar*
*growls*
thumb (01:15)
*moves head out of the way so bride can bite neck and suck blood*
middle (01:15)
thats so romantic omg
index (01:16)
what the actual fuck
!
pinky (01:16)
*finishes drinking blood*
*wipes mouth on the grass*
*licks grooms toes*
thumb (01:15)
*giggles*
*glares at officiator because that bitch is taking too long*
index (01:16)
what the actual fuck
anways what do i do now
middle (01:16)
they say their vows !!!
i think
index (01:16)
ill take ur word for it
say ur vows
groom goes first i think
idrk
thumb (01:17)
oh aight
ermm
*stutters*
w-w-w-wh-when i was t-th-th-thir-thirteen
i had my first love
there was nobody that compared to my baby and nobody came between us nor could ever come above
*suddenly turns into a rap god*
he had me going crazy
oh i was starstruck
he woke me up daily
dont need no starbucks
he made my heart pound
skip a beat when i see him in the street and
at school in teh playground
but i really wanna see him on the weekends
he know he got me dazing
cuz he was so amazing
and now my heart is
growing
and i just keep on saying
bany baby baby oo
i love u sweet cheeks pumpkin face angel butter cream frosting powdered sugar confectiaonty willy wonkas factory
pinky (01:25)
*cries*
middle (01:25)
*applauds*
index (01:25)
what the actual fuck x3
whatever
brides turn ig
pinky (01:25)
*blushes*
f-f-f-for my v-vow
i-i-i-i-i have written a poem for my one and only angel precious winged fairy cookie
*coughs*
you are like my pencil case
i dirty you
ruin you
lose you
miss you
and yet, you always come back
storing my shit
collecting my belongings
appearing when i need you the least
you are like my pencil case
p for precious
e for envigortaing
n for nice
c for caring
i for iggloo
l for llama
*pausses*
c for cum
a for asscheek
s for sam smith
e for exciting lovely cute baby powder nappies diaper pacifier kitten meow woof
*meows*
thumb (01:38)
*blushes*
*cries*
oh wow
middle (01:38)
*stands up*
*gives standing ovation*
*wipes away tears*
index (01:38)
literally what is wrong with u guys
but anyways
vows are over
what do i do now
middle (01:38)
ill type out the paragraph for you and you just copy and paste
gimme two minutes
the bride and groom can breakdance as a half show entertainment
pinky (01:38)
aye aye cap
*breakdances*
thumb (01:38)
*breakdances*
middle (01:40)
welcome everyone. we are gathered here tonight to join hanamaki takahiro and matsukawa issei in holy matrimony. do you promise to cherish each other always, to honour and sustain each other, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and to be true to each other in all things until death alone shall part you two. (and then mattsun and makki say i do) repeat after me. with this ring, i matsukawa, take you, hanamaki, to be no other than yourself. loving what i know of you, and trusting what i do not yet know. i will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us. (and then makki repeats that to mattsun) (once they finish giving their rings you say) matsukawa issei, do you take hanamaki takahiro to be your lawfully wedded husband. (and then mattsun says i do). and then you say hanamaki takahiro, do you take matsukawa issei to be your lawfully wedded husband. (and the makki says i do) then you go by the power vested in me by the state of online messaging, i pronounce you husband and husband! you may now kiss the groom (and then they kiss)
index (01:40)
what the fuck kawa
are you ok?
pinky (01:40)
omg ur such a god oikawa
anyways get a move on iwaizumi
all the work is basically done for you now
index (01:40)
oh my god whateve
welcome everyone. we are gathered here tonight to join hanamaki takahiro and matsukawa issei in holy matrimony. do you promise to cherish each other always, to honour and sustain each other, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, and to be true to each other in all things until death alone shall part you two.
pinky (01:40)
yup
thumb (01:41)
mhm
index (01:41)
repeat after me. with this ring, i matsukawa, take you, hanamaki, to be no other than yourself. loving what i know of you, and trusting what i do not yet know. i will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.
wait do yall even have rings
thumb (01:41)
with this ring, i matsukawa, take you, hanamaki, to be no other than yourself. loving what i know of you, and trusting what i do not yet know. i will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.
jpeg.wedding-ring-2022-fashion-trends
index (01:43)
my past life musta fucked up for the karma to hit the hard
pinky (01:43)
*rolls eyes because this officiator takes too fucking long*
index (01:43)
fuck off
repeat after me. with this ring, i hanamaki, take you, matsukawa, to be no other than yourself. loving what i know of you, and trusting what i do not yet know. i will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.
pinky (01:43)
with this ring, i hanamaki, take you, matsukawa, to be no other than yourself. loving what i know of you, and trusting what i do not yet know. i will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us.
png.image.traditional-wedding-rings
index (01:44)
matsukawa issei, do you take hanamaki takahiro to be your lawfully wedded husband.
thumb (01:44)
i do frfr
index (01:44)
hanamaki takahiro, do you take matsukawa issei to be your lawfully wedded husband.
pinky (01:44)
*crying*
yup
index (01:44)
by the power vested in me by the state of online messaging, i pronounce you husband and husband! you may now kiss the groom.
middle (01:44)
*gasps*
pinky (01:45)
*puckers lips*
*applies dior lip oil stolen from oikawa*
*kisses groom*
thumb (01:45)
*kisses groom back without all the lip oil stuff*
omg im like a married man now
middle (01:45)
that was so fucking beautiful
i love love
index (01:45)
can i go to fucking sleep now
pinky (01:46)
no !!
you have the be the judge for our divorce !!
i was thinking that watari be my lawyer
thumb (01:45)
oh yeah i forgot abt that
and ill have yahaba as mine
loll
middle (01:46)
omg the drama
do i get to be a witness again???
index has left fis(h)t
pinky (01:46)
IWA NO