Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s been a long time since he’s taken this route. Ever since he partnered up with Tess, he’s followed her lead, knowing she had much more contacts than him. He’s always been more of a lone wolf, he’s pretty difficult to get and even more difficult to stand. No one’s been capable to work with him longer than a few weeks, either too annoyed or too scared of him. A lot of people were terrified of him, sure, but none of them would help him get from one place to the other, that’s what Tess is for.

These last few days though, she’s been busy with some other jobs the clients specifically needed her for. He didn’t ask, it’s one of their rules, and he’s not that interested anyways. In her absence, he took another job, and even though he knew it’d be quicker and safer to wait until she got back, he got bored of waiting, and honestly, he was low on ration cards.

In his eyes, it was a simple pick up and drop off, but it’s been a while since he’s been in this side of town, and if he remembers correctly, there’s a bit of extra military eyes around. Still, he doesn’t think too much of it, he’s done this shit countless times, years before he started working with Tess, he can do this no problem.

His task is to pick up a few hidden crates on a run down mall and bring them to a warehouse near the pier. He thinks it won’t take him more than a few days, and the sooner he finishes, the better, he was promised extra cards if he delivered the goods before Tuesday.

He finds a pretty big opening on one of the sides of the enormous building. It’s not really surprising that the guards haven’t noticed it, it’s pretty well hidden, as if someone was making sure to keep it that way. Either way, he decides not to think too much of it, getting inside and leaving everything the way it was.

His employers were pretty vague on the details, not too sure where the crates were located. The only thing he knows is that the contents aren’t too heavy (thank God, he can only carry so much by himself), that the crates are small enough to take with him, that they are dark red and hidden under a small scaffolding.

As he walks through the empty halls of the mall, he tries to spot any kind of construction materials, somewhere that would let him know there could be a scaffolding nearby. He checks different stores, halls and even old staff areas, he can’t find anything.

By some miracle, he spots a door he hasn’t checked yet. It’s pretty tucked away, making it hard to see, and as he opens it, he finds a long and dark corridor leading to what seems to be a big storage room, still full of stuff. He takes a look at almost every shelf, but nothing piques his interest.

Continuing his journey, he gets to yet another hallway, and at the end, he sees a ray of light coming from a half opened door. He walks slowly to it, and the closer he gets, the easier it is for him to hear a bit of a ruckus inside. He tries not to make too much noise, concentrating on listening in.

“Don’t.” The voice is pretty high pitched, most likely a girl. “Please, don’t.” He has no idea what’s going on, the girl isn’t yelling for her life, so he assumes she’s not getting hurt, but her words say otherwise. “Why is it happening only to you?” She sounds desperate, probably crying. “Stop. Please stop. I don’t want to do this.” Suddenly, he hears a familiar groan. Infected.

Without thinking too much of it, he gets his revolver and opens the door. He gets ready to shoot, seeing as a runner gets closer and closer to the girl he just overheard. Before he pulls the trigger though, the stranger takes out her own gun and shoots the infected in the head.

He doesn’t know what to do, aware that if he scares the girl, she might shoot him in the head. He takes a quick peek at the runner, and he finds that it’s a kid, not that much older than the girl that shot it.

‘ Jesus Christ .’

“Hey, kid?” The girl, as he suspected, turns around, her gun pointed at him. Luckily, he planned ahead, placing his revolver back in his holster. Raising his hands, he tries to calm the girl down. “Look, I’m not here to hurt you, okay?”

“Go away!” Her face is full of tears, and if what he thinks is true, then he’s not surprised. She might’ve just shot her friend in the face.

“I’m just here to pick something up, alright?” He tries to be gentle, but she has none of it.

“I don’t care, just leave!” The gun shakes in her hand and he’s getting more worried.

“Okay, okay. Just put the gun down, please?” The girl sniffs, shaking her head. He can’t blame her for the precautions, but he needs to find those crates and there’s a scaffolding calling his name right behind her.

“Turn- turn around and walk away!” He has to get her to calm down, but he’s never been too good at that with anyone, much else a stranger. He has to try though, he needs to finish the job.

“Look kid, there are some crates around here that I need-” Without warning, she takes a few steps forward, her face hardening. His body tenses.

“I don’t give a fuck! I told you to go away!” He’s running out of options here, maybe the best course of action is to go away and come back some other time.

“Okay, fine. I’ll leave.” As he starts to backtrack, his eyes never leaving the gun in the kid’s hands, he hears a door closing not too far away from where they are. His body stiffens, hers does too. In the distance, he can clearly hear someone talking.

“Guards.” Right on the spot. At the thought, she starts shaking even more, which in turn, makes him even more worried.

“Kid, hey, kid. Stop that, okay?” He can hear her hyperventilating, and he feels bad for her, but right now they need to get the fuck out of there. “We need to get out.”

“I- I don’t-” She drops her arms, the gun finally pointing somewhere else that isn’t him. Her eyes go straight to the now dead runner, while his try to look for any way out. “Oh God, Riley. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He takes a look at the kid, kneeled down next to the corpse. For a brief second, he thinks of just leaving her there and getting out through the scaffolding. It doesn’t last too long, he’s not exactly a good person, but he’s also not a monster.

“Kid, I’m sorry you had to go through that, but we need to go .” She doesn’t seem to move, and the voices are getting closer and closer. Without thinking about it, he gets close to her and places his hand on her shoulder, trying to get her attention. Suddenly, she turns around, her hand going straight to his face, but he stops it before she gets even close.

She’s scared, and he can’t blame her. As he tries to lower her arm, he notices something, and he doesn’t like it. Not one bit. Right there, on her forearm, there’s a bite, clear as day. As soon as he sees it, he releases her, taking a few steps back.

She stares at him, crying silently. His eyes go from her face, to her bite and then to the kid dead on the floor. His ears focus on the voices too close to comfort. Before his brain catches up to his body, he’s grabbed the kid’s arm and he’s climbed as fast as he can muster to the window, the girl close behind.

Once they get to the other side, he crouches out of sight, tugging her arm and making her do the same. From there, he can briefly see at least four armed men come in, taking a look around the room.

“Shit, man. There’s a bunch of dead infected in here. Fresh.” One of them walks all around the place.

“Call it in. None of our men were scheduled to come here. Someone else’s done this.” Without another word, he gets out, the others follow close behind. Before they leave though, he can hear one of them talking.

“See? I knew I heard something. Of course that gunshot came from here.” As they finally leave, he looks to his right, finding the girl sat down on the roof, her back to the wall and her eyes fixed on the bite.

‘ Fucking shit, forgot about that .’

“She turned.” Her fingers run up and down her forearm, his hand reaches for his gun, but he doesn’t pull it out. Not yet at least. “She turned. I didn’t.”

‘ What? ’

“I watched her get sicker and sicker until she turned. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.” He stays still, what else can he do? His gaze is fixed on her bite mark, and he finds it a bit strange how weird it looks. It should be red, with a bunch of little veins spreading around her arm. Hers looks like a scarred injury, like it’s healed already.

“Did you get bitten at the same time?” For the first time in a while, her eyes find him as she nods slowly. “Then, why have you not… turned ?” The girl shrugs, looking as confused as he is feeling right now.

What exactly can he do? Leave her here? She wouldn’t know what to do, where to go. How in the hell is she supposed to go back to wherever she came from with that ? No. He’s an asshole, there’s no denying that, he hasn’t been a good person in more than twenty years, but there’s a line he’s never going to cross. Leaving a defenseless girl when he can help her, is crossing it.

“Look,” he crouches down, getting to her level. Her hand, the only one not stained with blood, runs over her face “do you have anywhere to go?” She hesitates to answer, which is not a good sign.

“I don’t know if I can-” Each second that passes, the harder it’ll be to get out of that hellhole. Screw the job and screw the payment, he just wants to get out alive.

“Is there anywhere I can take you? Someone you know that might help you?” She stares at him, her bottom lip starting to tremble.

He knows the signs, he’s seen them a hundred times before. He used to be an affectionate father, not missing a beat whenever he saw or felt how scared Sarah was. Words of encouragement, physical touch, reassurance. There’s nothing left of that man, everything disappeared two decades ago, leaving a ruthless man in his wake.

This girl though, he can’t explain it. He should’ve run for his life the moment he heard those guards. It’s been in his DNA for years. ‘Go before they catch you, no matter who you leave behind, save yourself. ’ His brain seemed to disagree at that moment. He isn’t sure if it was the innocence in her face, the overall situation or if it was pure instinct to not let another kid die in his watch. He has no idea.

“No. I only know-” the tears come in hard, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t react. She seems to appreciate it, somehow.”- Riley. I only knew Riley.” The realization that the girl was completely alone hit him like a ton of bricks.

“Okay. Let’s just think for a second here, alright?” He takes a look around the small area they are hiding in. It isn’t a balcony per se , it’s a small rooftop, not too high up but still high enough. Maybe her legs might be able to handle it no problem. His though? He’s not too sure about that. Still, he doesn’t see any other way out. “Right now let’s focus on getting the hell out of here.” Sniffing, she nods. He’s thankful they are on the same page. “Here’s what we are going to do. I’m pretty sure there’s no one around, so we are going to jump down there.” She moves from sitting position to crouching next to him, but once she sees the drop, she takes a few steps back.

“That- that’s too high.” He knows she’s right, it might not do any damage, but it’s still not too safe.

“Just trust me, okay? We can’t go back where we came from, that’ll be full of military by now. This is the only way to get out of here alive, do you understand me?” She doesn’t seem too sure, and he can’t blame her, he wouldn’t be too trusting of a stranger he just met, even if they saved his life.

“Do I have to go first?” She could , but he thinks it might be safer if he gets down first and takes a look around. It’s always best to check your surroundings.

“No. I’ll go down first, make sure there’s no one around. I’ll help you get down afterwards.” She lets out a small sigh of relief. Without another word, he gets to the edge, ready to jump down, praying to whatever the hell is out there that he doesn’t break his legs in the process.

“Be careful.” He’s surprised by her words, but thankful nonetheless. “Please don’t leave me here.” With a look her way, he drops down. It does hurt, he won’t deny that, but it’s not as bad as he thought it’d be. He stays crouched, no matter how much he wishes he could stand and stretch his legs. Seeing as there’s no one around, he motions for her to follow him, keeping his arms up.

She sits down, her legs hanging by the edge. Slowly, she starts to move further and further out, and in a flash, she’s dropping down. He catches her before she falls, somehow strong enough to hold her.

“Thanks.” Cleaning her pants from any dust she might’ve gotten on them, she crouches next to him.

“Okay. Follow me, kid.” They start walking, hiding in the shadows. He hopes no one sees them, the less trouble, the better.

‘ What the hell have you gotten yourself into? ’

Chapter Text

“Close the door.” After walking for at least an hour, they made it to one of his safehouses. It’s not the best, nor the safest, but it’ll do for now. All they need right now is a place as far away from the mall as possible.

“What is this place?” The moment he sees the couch, he sits down on it, resting his feet on a nearby coffee table. He lets out a sigh of relief, his body thanking him for taking a break.

“Somewhere for us to lay low.” Outside it’s raining, thankfully it started once they got inside the building.

“Is this your house?” She doesn’t sit down, walking around the place, looking at everything, touching it all. He should tell her to stop, under any other circumstances, he would, but right now he’s just too goddamn tired.

“No.” That’s all he gives her, she seems to accept it. He closes his eyes, trying to get some shut eye. He’s a bit concerned for the kid, mostly because he’s still kind of scared she might turn at any moment. She looks too healthy though, so he doesn’t worry too much.

After a bit of walking around, he realizes her footsteps have stopped. Opening his left eye slightly, he finds her sitting on the only armchair in the room, looking at the rain pouring outside. Hugging her legs, she rests her chin on top of her knees.

“I’ve always wondered if it’s really that bad out there.” Knowing he won’t get any sleep, he sits up, his arms resting on his thighs, looking at her. “Everything is awful in here, can it actually be that bad out there?” He doesn’t exactly know how to answer that, he has no idea the kind of life she lives. Still, he decides to talk from his perspective.

“It’s not paradise out there, kid. This is the closest thing to safety there is in miles, as much as we seem to hate it.” He hears a scoff coming her way. “Now, I don’t know where you lived or how bad it was, I can just tell you that I’ve been out there, and it’s ruthless.”

“But free .” She turns her body, facing him. What can he say to that? She’s not exactly wrong.

“At what cost though? You have a roof over your head here. Out there? There’s nothing. There’s just infected and people doing anything to survive.” It’s getting pretty dark, so without missing a beat, he takes the gaslamp on the table and turns it on. “It’s a cruel world out there.” She seems at a loss for words, so instead of continuing with the conversation, she gets back to her previous position, her eyes glued to the window.

“My name’s Ellie, by the way.” He stares at her, he’s not sure knowing her name will make anything any easier. 

“Joel.” This time she turns her head instead of her whole body, giving him a soft smile, probably the only one she can muster.

“Nice to meet you.” He doesn’t answer, laying back on the couch as she moves her eyes to the outside once again.

What the hell is he going to do? Where can he get her to? She’s got nowhere to go and with that bite on her arm, there’s nowhere safe for her. The thought of taking her with him crosses his mind more than once, but what is she going to do? Hide in his apartment forever? Sure, the bite can be hidden easy enough, but she’s got to come from somewhere , most likely an orphanage or a military school. Someone might recognise her and try to take her back, which would get her killed. He’s not one to care for others, but this is a child, an innocent child that could die if he doesn’t do something about it. 

“Look, Ellie.” She looks his way as he runs a hand over his face. “We need to figure out what to do.” That seems to get her complete attention, moving the armchair so she’s facing him instead of the window.

“Okay,” He leans forward, she crosses her legs.

“I’m guessing you come from some kind of uh-” how does he say that without sounding like an asshole?

“Orphanage, yeah.” He nods slightly. “Military school, more precisely. Another way to take care of orphans, I guess. They let us have guns more often than food.” He winces at her words, picturing how awful it must be.

“Okay, well. There’s no way you are getting back there with that bite and not get killed, so we have to think of something else.” He sees her gulp, and he fears he might’ve been too harsh, but what’s done is done, he guesses. “First of all, we are going to need to hide that. Clean it and then hide it with something.” She nods, following along. “Second of all, we need to find out why the hell you aren’t turning. It’s been, what? Two, three days?”

“Yeah, two days.” He sighs, realizing she’s been waiting to turn alongside her friend for two whole days. She watched her get sick while she was completely fine. Jesus Christ .

“My first guess is that you are immune or something like that, but I’m no expert, so we might need some help in that department. We’ll figure something out.” His first thought is Tess, her list of friends is so long she might know someone capable of finding out what’s going on with the kid, but he’s not too sure how many doctors she knows and trusts.

His second thought is Tommy, he used to be a Firefly, he might know some real doctor that could help them, no matter how little he trusts that group of rebels. As much as he hates to admit it, he thinks the second option would be the best. He’d have to walk almost half the country to get to him though, and he’s not sure he’d risk that for a kid he just met.

“Lastly, I think the safest bet is for you to stay with me until we find a solution.” She’s a bit taken aback by his words, and he can’t exactly read her face, so he’s not sure if she’s scared of staying with a guy she just met, or thankful that he’s willing to help her out.

“Are you serious?”

“We just established you can’t go back to your school, and you told me you have nowhere else to go, so I don’t see any other option.” She plays with her fingers, clearly uncomfortable.

“Look, thank you for saving my life and all, but I just met you.” Of course, he saw it coming.

“I know that. But right now, I’m the only person who knows about that .” He points to her bite, the same one she’s been running her hand over and over. “And Imma be honest with you, kid. I can’t think of anywhere for you to go and be safe with that on your arm.” She stares at him for what feels like an eternity, he holds her gaze the whole time.

“Okay.” Her response is soft, almost whispered.

“I know we just met, but I won’t hurt you. I promise.” She’s not too convinced, and he’s not too sure his next words will help the matter, but he says them anyway. “If I wanted to hurt you I would’ve done it already, don’t you think?” She seems to process his words, and against his judgment, she seems to relax at his words. He’ll count that as a win. “Right now, get some sleep. It’s late and we’ll get out of here early tomorrow morning.”

“Where will we go?” He might regret it all later, but he can’t think of a better plan.

“My place.” She seems to understand, and without another word, she turns the armchair back to its initial position and keeps staring at the window.

He has no idea what he’s doing, he might just be putting a target on the back of his head by helping the kid, but it’s the first time in a long time he’s convinced he’s doing something good. He saved her once, he won’t let it go to waste now. Closing his eyes, he starts to drift off. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Chapter Text

He wakes up at the sound of a toilet flushing. His eyes open slowly, trying to come to terms with the fact that what happened yesterday wasn’t a figment of his imagination. He runs both hands over his face, trying to wake himself up.

The kid hasn’t said a word, hasn’t complained once, but he can hear her rumbling stomach all the way from the other side of the apartment. There isn’t any food as far as he can remember, he hasn’t set foot in this safehouse in months. They need to move and get to his apartment before any of them starve. He’s not extremely hungry, but Ellie’s been cooped up in that mall for two days, and he’s pretty sure there wasn’t a lot of food.

“We should get going.” He finds her looking through some of the cabinets, and she looks at him like a deer caught in the headlights. As she stands up straight, he realizes the bite is still visible since she’s wearing short sleeves. “Do you have a jacket or any long sleeve shirt with you that might hide that?” As she shakes her head, he tries to come up with something else. He could bandage it with something, but he’s low on medical supplies as it is, so giving her his shirt might be the best option. Taking it off, he hands it to her. “Here. It will be kind of big on you, but if you roll up the sleeves a bit it should be alright.” As she starts to put it on, he decides to check around the place for anything he might’ve left last time he crashed there. Empty handed, he walks back to the girl, who is waiting for him at the door.

She’s pretty small, but with his shirt on, she looks tiny. Flashes of memories he tries to forget come to his mind, but he pushes them aside, he can’t get distracted right now. Opening the door, he lets her get out first and he makes sure to lock it before walking away.

“Where do you live? Is it far?” He’s not really in the mood for small talk, but it will be a long walk and he knows the kid won’t probably shut up, so he just embraces it.

“Right in the center of Area 3, we have quite a way to go.” She sighs heavily, the same sigh every kid tends to do when they are forced to do something.

“That’s really far away. It’ll take us forever to get there.” He takes a hold of his backpack straps, walking slow enough for her to stay by his side the whole time.

“It’s not that far away, only an hour or two.” She groans exaggeratedly, he tries to push the annoyance away, he doesn’t want to get in an argument so early on.

“An hour or two ? That isn’t far for you? Jeez .” He’s walked a lot longer than that, and if he decides to take her to Tommy’s, she’ll also have to walk through half the country alongside him. He won’t tell her that though. He keeps walking in silence, not wanting to continue with the conversation any longer.

She surprises him, she doesn’t say a word other than the occasional ‘ Look! Dogs! ’ or ‘ Smells nice. ’ He doesn’t ask questions, and neither does she. At least for a while.

“What were you doing in the mall?” He keeps walking, not wanting to answer her question. “You said something about some crates. Were they yours?” He sighs. Couldn’t she just stay quiet? He hoped she would, but he reminds himself that she’s a kid, she’s prone to ask annoying questions.

“Someone asked me to find them. They’re not mine.” She seems to think about it, probably wondering what kind of job he has. Most likely, she doesn’t even know what a smuggler is.

“So it was a job? Finding something and bringing it to someone else?” He nods, hoping that was enough to satisfy her curiosity. “So like a smuggler?” He raises an eyebrow, surprised.

“Yeah, just like a smuggler.” She kicks a small rock as she walks, keeping her eyes on the road to make sure she doesn’t kick it too far away.

“But, aren’t smugglers supposed to take stuff out of the quarantine zone?” He’s not really in the mood for a history lesson, but he has to say something , she won’t stop otherwise.

“Not always. I had to take the crates from one area to another, and the contents are probably not exactly legal . They wouldn’t have asked me to get them otherwise.” They reach a fence, the one that separates Area 4 from Area 3, where they need to get to. He walks straight to the opening he constantly uses to get through, helping her get over to the other side.

“Do you know what was in them?” No, and honestly, he doesn’t care.

“No. I never ask, it’s not my business.” He checks their surroundings, making sure there are no guards around. Standing up, he motions for her to follow him.

“Shouldn’t you go back to get them? Won’t you get in trouble if you don’t deliver them?”

“It’s too dangerous to go back there. Besides, I won’t get in trouble. I just won’t get paid, that's all. They’ll hire someone else to do it. Don’t worry about it.” Not interested in the conversation anymore, she looks around the place, taking it all in.

“So this is Area 3, huh? Never been here before.” She walks backwards in front of him, and he will never admit it, but he’s kind of worried she might stumble and fall. He keeps a close eye on her, sure to catch her if she does fall.

“Not much to see here, kid. Just old buildings, same as everywhere else in the Zone.” When he first got to Boston, he made sure to settle in the least problematic place. Area 3 is mostly full of families and workers, so there isn’t that much trouble. Area 2 is the most affected by Firefly propaganda, he crossed it out of his list pretty early on. After losing Tommy to their cause, he didn’t want anything to do with them. Until now, he guesses.

“The buildings here are taller. The tallest building I could see from my window was three stories high, here the shortest is four stories. I don’t know, it’s cool.”

“We are almost there. Be careful, there’ll be quite a few guards around, I live close to the gate.” Immediately, she starts walking by his side. The closer they get to the gate, the harder her hand grabs onto her forearm. “Stop squeezing your arm, it’ll look suspicious. Walk normal, talk to me if you need to.” He lets her know in a lower voice, never taking his eyes off the road in front of him.

“Okay.” Her left hand hangs on to her backpack strap, her right hand, though, stays on her side, probably scared the sleeve might roll up and show her bite.

“To the left.” Once they reach the alley, he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Relax, we’re in the clear.” He greets a few people that tend to hang around the entrance of the building as they get inside. Opening the front door to his apartment, he lets her get in first. “Make yourself comfortable.” He leaves his backpack next to the door, walking straight to the kitchen. “I’ll get us something to eat.”

It’s not like there’s much to choose from, he is low on ration cards after all. Either way, he finds one can of beans, and it should be enough. For now, it has to be enough.

They eat in silence, both of them too uncomfortable to even start a conversation. He’ll give props to the kid, she did try to get something out of him, but his mind seems to be somewhere else. After a few tries of establishing some kind of trivial conversation with no avail, she ended up giving up, which leaves them how they are now, with an empty plate and complete silence.

Looking at her, he realizes that she hasn’t even taken her backpack off, and that she’s sitting as stiff as a board. He should say something, liven up the tension in the room, but a knock on his door saves him from even trying.

The relief is obvious, even palpable. Ellie relaxes in her seat and he stands up. Opening the door, he finds Tess waiting for him to let her get inside. Before he has time to warn her about his visitor, she steps in, finding Ellie looking at her from the couch.

“Uh- how long have I been gone?” The expression on her face is of concern, but her tone is playful. “She doesn’t look anything like you.” She says as she squints her eyes. Ellie blushes, and Joel just scoffs while Tess lets out a loud laugh. “Don’t worry kid, I’m kidding.” Leaning on the kitchen counter, he sees Tess take two large steps towards Ellie, extending her hand for the kid to grab. “I’m Tess, this grumpy asshole’s partner.” The girl is shocked at her words, he’s annoyed, she can’t just say stuff like that to a kid.

“Ellie.” They shake hands with a smile.

“She’s got a good grip. A good grip indeed.” She releases the kid’s hand and turns to him. “Not that I’m not glad to meet someone new, but who exactly is she and what’s she doing here?” Before he has time to respond, she adds one last thing, this time directed at Ellie. “No disrespect sweetheart, I just need to know.” The girl nods, still a bit shy.

“It’s uh- a long story.” He scratches the back of his head, not exactly comfortable. Tess just crosses her arms, not willing to let it go.

“I’ve got time.” He takes a quick look at Ellie, asking for her permission to tell Tess the truth. She seems as doubtful as him, but in the end she nods. She has nothing left to lose, he guesses.

“Well then. I got a job, needed to pick some crates at the abandoned mall and take them to the pier. Easy job, good payment.” Tess nods, following along. “When I got there, I found her trying to get away from a runner.” The kid’s eyes fall to the floor, he keeps going. “I tried to help her, but she shot first. Turns out, the infected was uh- her friend.” Tess lets out a sigh as Ellie hugs her knees close to her chest, her backpack finally on the floor. “And as it turns out, she was uh- bitten too.” He lets his words sink in. Tess’s eyes get wider and wider at the realization of what those words meant. Before she does anything stupid, he grabs her arm. Ellie stays in her seat. “It’s been almost four days. She hasn’t turned.” They stare at each other so long, he even forgets to blink. Her arm relaxes, and so does his hold on her. “It’d been two days since they got bit that I found them. Her friend had turned, she wasn’t even sick .”

“How’s that possible?” Her voice is low, trying to comprehend what’s going on.

“No idea. My best guess is that she’s immune. Not sure though.” After a few seconds of silence, Tess grabs his arm, pulling him away from where the girl was sitting. The apartment is not too big though, so she probably could still hear them. Still, Ellie looks too out of it to even pay attention.

“Why’d you bring her here? She’s a liability, Joel.” He takes away his arm, annoyed at her words. If it was someone else, if she wasn’t a kid, he’d most likely agree with Tess, so he can’t be too mad about it.

“I couldn’t just leave her to die, Tess.” She scoffs, pacing. He stays still, his thumbs grabbing his belt.

“It was a stupid move, Joel. You should’ve taken her somewhere else.”

“She has nowhere else to go. She came from the military school in Area 4. If she goes back there and they find her bite? They’ll kill her.” He’s not going to send a kid to her death, not if he can help it.

“Then she hides it. It’s her problem Joel, not yours.” She does have a point, still, it was the right thing to do, and he’s not going to apologize for doing it.

“She’s a kid , Tess. I couldn’t just walk away.” Some sort of realization crosses through her brain, he’s not too sure what it is though.

“Look, I get it.” Does she really? “It was the noble thing to do, but you are putting yourself at risk to protect a kid you just met.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” A hand moves from his belt to his hair, running through it. “I promised to help her, so I will. It’s settled.” She stares at him for a while, not believing what she’s hearing.

“You are going to get yourself killed, Joel.” He scoffs, he doesn’t need her to say that, he already knows it.

“Look, I know you don’t want to get involved in this.” She snorts dryly.

“You got that right.” He takes a deep breath before asking.

“I just need to know if there’s anyone you trust that might help her. A doctor or someone else that might know what to do.” She looks down at the floor, her hands on her hips.

“Why are you doing this, Joel? Tell me, honestly. Why are you doing this?” Her question makes his brain short circuit. Not even he knows why exactly.

“I just need to.” She holds his gaze for a long time before sighing loudly. “I’ve never asked anything from you, Tess. I just need you to help me this one time. I’ll owe you.” She takes a look at Ellie who is still sitting with her legs to her chest, her face hidden between her knees.

“I wish I could help you, Texas. I really do. But I don’t know anyone who could help her in that department.” He knew she’d told him that, in the back of his head, he’d always known. “But I do know someone who might.” Her tone is tentative, as if he’s not going to like what she’s about to say. “Marlene.”

“No.” This time, he’s the one that starts to pace. “I don’t want anything to do with that group, you know that better than anyone.” ‘ Liar ’, he thinks to himself ‘ you want to find Tommy, that’s almost the same thing .’

“I know, believe me. But if there’s anyone who might have contact with a specialized doctor, it's her.” She softens her voice, and treating him like a fucking toddler is not helping. He’s about to retort angrily when they hear a broken voice coming from the couch. 

“I know Marlene.” Both adults keep quiet, the only sounds in the room are a few sniffs coming from Ellie. “Her and my mom were good friends.” He can’t believe what he’s hearing. This kid, who swore to him he had no one else who could look out for her, is telling him she’s buddies with the leader of the Fireflies?

“You told me you didn’t know anyone that could help you.” His tone is accusatory, and the girl stands up slowly from the couch, cleaning her tears. “And now you are telling me you know Marlene?”

“I’ve only spoken to her once, and it wasn’t exactly a friendly conversation.” She gets closer to them, arms crossed, as if that might protect her from everything going on. “I didn’t know she knew my mom. I didn’t even know who my mom was a month ago.” Something inside him breaks, as hard as he tries not to. “She recognized me. Gave me a letter from my mom she kept from me for fourteen years-“ her anger is visible right there “-and told me to not get into any trouble, that she promised my mom she’d look after me.” She scoffs. “What a load of bullshit.” She whispers under her breath. “I didn’t lie to you. I just don’t have any way of contacting her. And forgive me if I don’t trust her word after she’s been keeping stuff about my mom from me all these years.” Suddenly, Tess’s hand is on her shoulder, reassuring, something really unlike her. 

“You don’t trust her but you trust me?” Her story does make sense, he won’t argue that. But the thing not clicking with him is how easily she trusted him. In her shoes, he’d rather look for Marlene, than go with a complete stranger. 

“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugs, and with her arms crossed it makes her look even smaller. “You seemed like an okay guy. It’s like you said, if you wanted to hurt me, you could’ve done it way earlier. Besides, you don’t have any ulterior motives, Marlene? I couldn’t be sure.” He’s at a loss of words, what the hell is he supposed to say to that?

“The important thing here is that she won’t kick us out the moment we step foot anywhere near her.”

“ Us ?” He can’t help but ask his partner, who just sighs dramatically while shrugging. 

“Can’t let you go on a suicide mission without me, Texas. You need me.” He sure as hell does. 

“Don’t get too cocky, Tess.” Chuckling, she takes her hand off of Ellie’s shoulder and takes out a few ration cards from her pocket, handing them to Joel. 

“Here, Mr. Man. Enough cards to last us a couple of months.” She steals a glance at Ellie. “One month for you, though. Two mouths to feed now.” He sighs, aware that she’s right, at least for now. He’s not too sure what’ll happen once they reach Marlene, if they ever do. “Come on, I know where to find her. I’ll take you there.” They follow her lead. 

‘ Let’s get this show on the road .’

Chapter Text

Tess leads them through the streets of Area 3, knowing exactly where she needs to go. It’s still pretty early in the day, so they don’t have to worry about curfew for at least another four hours, enough time to get to Marlene and come back, he thinks.

Ellie keeps walking alongside him, and even though he’s still not used to the extra pair of eyes, he can’t deny it’s nice to have company, no matter how annoying her questions get sometimes.

“Hey, Joel?” They’ve been walking in silence since they got out of his building, focused entirely on getting to Marlene.

“Yeah? You okay?” The girl clears her throat, clearly nervous. About what? He has no idea.

“I just wanted to uh- to thank you.” He raises an eyebrow, looking at her. He knows where this is going, so he doesn’t stop her. “For helping me out like this, I mean.” She starts kicking another rock, just like she did this morning. “It was really cool that you did that.” Cool isn’t the word he’d use to describe it, but he gets it. “I’d probably be dead by now if you hadn’t helped me. So-” He tries not to think about it, he really doesn’t. Imagining her dead body on the floor, a bullet in her head and the bite visible in her arm is something he doesn’t want to picture. “So yeah. Just- thank you.” She speeds up, walking between Tess and him, not letting him even answer. He’s kind of thankful though, he wouldn’t know what to say anyway.

“So what’d you do in that school of yours, huh?” Now that she is barely two steps behind Tess, the woman decides to establish a conversation with the kid. He follows behind them as Ellie gets next to Tess, excited that someone actually wants to hear her talk.

“Oh well, we do military training every afternoon, we have regular classes every morning. Except Sunday, we only get training on Sundays.” That seems to get his partner’s attention.

“And what do they teach you in there? To shoot?” She takes a while to think, trying to remember exactly what it is they do.

“Yeah, some days. Most of the time it’s physical tests, like rope and wall climbing. Sometimes they teach us self defense, and if we are lucky we even get batons or knives. Fake knives of course.” If ‘ they’re lucky ’? What kind of fucked up world has this become where the highlight of a kid’s day in school is not playing with her friends in recess but to fight them with knives? “I’ve only shot a real gun once-” her face falls, replaced by a sad frown. He knows exactly why. “Well, twice .” She clears her throat, probably trying not to cry.

“And they taught you that to kill infected, right?” It’d be the most logical thing, it’s always nice to have extra hands helping keep up the city safe from Infected, but somehow he feels that’s not where it’s going.

“No, not really. They teach us some things about them in class, but not too much. They train us to help them kill uhm- Fireflies.” Isn’t it ironic how people still fight amongst themselves after a fucking fungal virus has killed more than three quarters of them? Their main focus should be keeping people safe from Infected, but no, they’d rather kill other people for differences of opinions. Great . 

“You better not say that in front of Queen Firefly. She might just shoot you in the head.” Both of them turn their heads to him, giving him dirty looks. “Just saying.”

“She already knows what they teach us in school. The more reason she should’ve gotten me out of there. Instead she makes sure I stay in.” She sounds and looks betrayed for someone claming she doesn’t give a fuck about Marlene.

“Sounds like she’s trying to keep you safe.” As it’s been established already, he’s not a fan of the woman, but he doesn’t think that keeping Ellie in that school was such a bad idea. The kid in question seems to disagree.

“Yeah, right.” The scoff she sends his way is venomous enough for him to not retort. “She has no idea what kind of hellhole that place is. It’s a like a fucking prision. We get up at the asscrack of dawn, we eat some awful food, if they have enough, we go to class where they indoctrinate us more than teach us, we get brainwashed a bit more by learning how to kill Fireflies, we eat again if we are lucky and go back to bed before the sun has even set. It’s a-mazing .” It does sound awful, but not that much different from the outside world, she just doesn’t know that.

“You are describing our day-to-day, kid.” Her eyebrows reach her hairline. “The only difference is that we really kill people to survive. Not always, not if we can help it, but most of the time. You’ve got a decent place to live, we get on with what we can find. Having food at the table everyday at least once is something a lot of people would kill for. So yeah , I think she was trying to keep you safe.” He thinks he’s made his point, and it’s still mind blowing to think he’s defending a Firefly, much less the leader of the Fireflies, but here he is. Ellie is not having it though.

“I could be out there helping! The problem isn't the Fireflies but the Infected. We could be useful, instead they keep us locked away teaching us about the horrors of the Fireflies, leaving the fucking apocalypse we are living in on the back burner. It’s a load of bullshit. I didn’t even know what Riley would turn into was called.” Her head is lowered and her hands clenched on her sides as she speaks. “I didn’t even know they had a name. We just called them ‘ monsters ’.” She chuckles, no joy behind it. “Runners, you said they were called?” He nods, she scoffs. “Well, that’s more information than what they’ve taught us in eight years of school.” No one dares to say anything else, letting the kid calm down. Suddenly, Tess points to a building not too far from where they are walking.

“Look alive, they should be there.” The woman speeds up, leaving Ellie and him to follow her side by side. He doesn’t know what possesses him to even say anything, but he feels bad for leaving the previous conversation on such a low note.

“Look kid, I didn’t mean to upset you or anything with what I said.” Ellie keeps looking forward, not even acknowledging him. He takes a deep breath and tries not to get angry, he’s trying to apologize after all. “I’m just saying, from an outside perspective, that keeping you there looks like a good idea. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid. I’d be miserable too,” this time she does look up “but at least I’d be safe.” She frowns, a bit disappointed that’s where he ended that sentence. “You’ll get your chance to live outside now, then you’ll decide which one’s better.” She stares at him, not exactly sure what to say to that.

“We are here to speak with Marlene.” Tess says to one of the guards watching the front door of a building. The man snorts, gripping his semiautomatic tightly to his chest.

“There’s no Marlene here, lady.” Not a good move, not a good move at all .

“Listen to me, you are going to go in there and tell Marlene that Tess and Joel are here to see her.” The man chuckles, amused by her stubbornness.

“Yeah, right. What will you do to me if I don’t?” This is heading somewhere he’s not too happy with.

“You’ll see how awful your big boss will be when she finds out you made us go away. Because she will find out.” She takes a few steps forward. “So why don’t you go inside and ask her, just in case. If she says she doesn’t know us, we’ll just walk away, make you look all tough. Deal?” The guy gulps, sharing a look with his partner. With a simple move of his head, the other man gets inside.

“You three stay right there.” A gun is pointed at them, Ellie flinches, neither Tess nor him make a move.

“They can get in.” The shitty grin on Tess’s face is enough of an answer for the other man, who just lowers his gun as he scoffs, letting them pass through.

They walk past some closed rooms, all throughout a badly light hallway. Ellie stays right on his heels, feeling a bit more protected behind him than next to him. He doesn’t mind it, keeping his attention on the half opened door at the end of the hall.

“Tess Servopoulos and Joel Miller, what a surprise. What brings you around here?” She’s got her back to them, not needing to look at them to know who they are.

“We need your help on something.” He finds himself saying. Marlene chuckles, not believing what she’s hearing.

“ Joel Miller , needing my help? Now that’s new. What-” She stops mid sentence as she turns around and finds Ellie standing right next to him. “ Ellie? ” The girl doesn’t answer, instead she gets a bit closer to his side. His heart skips a beat, but he doesn’t show it.

“It’s a pretty touchy subject.” He says as he looks around, spotting three different guards. Marlene sighs, and without any hesitation, she turns to them.

“Stand outside, I’ll tell you when to get in.” All three of them look surprised by their boss’s command, but do it nonetheless. Once all of them get outside, she sits on her chair motioning for them to start their explanation.

“I found her at the abandoned mall at Area 4.” The woman sighs, not really that surprised by Ellie’s actions. “She was being attacked by a runner, her friend.” Leaning forward, a look of terror in her face, she asks.

“ Riley ?” Ellie drops her gaze to the floor. Instinctively, Joel places a hand on her back. When he realizes what he’s doing, it’s too late to pull away, it’d look awful. Ellie leans into it.

“Yeah. She was bitten two days before I found them, Ellie had to shoot her.” The woman shoots up from her seat, walking straight to Ellie. For a second, he feels like placing himself in front of the girl might be the safest option, but this is the leader of the Fireflies. No matter how much hatred he has towards her group, the woman wouldn’t hurt a child. He stays put, it’s Ellie who moves away. Her hands find the back of his t-shirt, grabbing it and hiding herself behind him.

“Ellie. What did I tell you?” The girl, even though looks scared shitless, lets out a defiant scoff. “I told you to not get into any trouble. Now look at what happened.” For the second time that day, he finds himself reassuring and defending the girl.

“What’s done is done, okay? She’s a kid who just lost her friend, lay off.” Ellie gets even closer to him, thankful for his help. Marlene just sighs, getting back to her spot behind her desk.

“What do you need my help with, then?” He takes a deep breath, thinking of the best way to tell her the news, but Ellie beats him to it. Rolling up her sleeve, she shows the woman her bite. Wide eyed, Marlene stares at the mark. He swears he could see a glimpse of tears in her eyes, but it might be the lighting.

“I was bitten the same time Riley was.” She talks in the most decisive voice she can muster.

“That’s not possible.” The woman shakes her head slowly.

“We stayed together. I’m still waiting for my turn.” Her choice of words shock him, he finds himself placing his hand on the back of her neck. She seems to appreciate it.

“I’ve been keeping a close eye on her, she wasn’t even sick. No signs of infection other than the bite.” Marlene runs a hand over her face.

“Okay, thank you for letting me know. For taking care of her and not…” She motions something with her hand. “Killing her.” He steals a quick glance at Ellie, who keeps her eyes glued on the floor. “I’ll handle this from here.” Standing up, she tries to get close to the kid, but once again, she moves away. He takes his hand off. “Come on, Ellie. Let’s go. You two can go home. I owe you one.” The girl’s eyes find him, pleading. 

Should he just go? He helped her, didn’t he? He took her to safety, found someone who could help her. What more can he do? He can’t find a reason to stay, can he? Those eyes though, she’s looking at him, pleading . He can hear ‘ please, don’t leave me alone .’ Why him? Why did a kid he just met get attached to him of all people? Why does he feel so protective over some fourteen-year-old he found just yesterday? Nothing makes sense.

“No.” Ellie’s grip on his shirt tightens, Tess and Marlene give him the same look of surprise. “I promised I’d help her.”

“And you have.” Marlene tries to get even closer, Ellie hides further behind him. “ Ellie .”

“I stay with her.” There’s a sparkle in Tess' eyes he can’t really decipher. Pride? He can’t be too sure. All he cares about is the fact that it doesn’t feel right to let a kid in the hands of Fireflies. And Ellie needs him, he’s sure of it.

“I can’t just-” He stops her before she gives him a bullshit excuse.

“You want to take her? You take me too.” Marlene holds his gaze for a long time before nodding.

“Follow me.” She opens the door, annoyed by the situation.

“Thank you.” The kid’s voice wavers, he places a hand on the back of her neck, nodding.

“Come on.” Tess is waiting for him at the door. “You don’t need to come with us. I know you don’t want to get involved in this.” Arms crossed, she shrugs, a small smile on her face.

“And leave you alone after that ? No way. We stick together, right kid?” She extends a fist towards Ellie, who fistbumps her immediately, a big smile on her face. “Come on, don’t want to lose her.”

He has no idea what he’s doing, but his instinct is telling him that it’s the right decision, and that’s all that matters.

Chapter Text

He wasn’t allowed inside the small clinic, neither was Tess. The door was shut on his face, but he didn’t make that much of a fuss, he knew nothing would happen to her. Tess was sitting down already when he found a bench, playing with her knife. He plops down next to her.

“Didn’t know you had it in you.” Crossing one leg over the other and resting his head on the wall, he closes his eyes.

“Had what?” He hears her chuckle.

“The guts to stand up to Marlene. We are outnumbered, you know?” He knew that, and still, he didn’t mind it one bit.

“Of course I know that. Besides, I’ve always got the guts to stand up to her, I’ve just never bothered to.” She pats his leg, he keeps his eyes closed.

“If you say so, big guy. I’m just saying, it was refreshing to see you protect that girl.” The bench rattles a bit, he imagines she’s laid back on it. “Kinda…” She struggles to finish the sentence, like he’s not going to like what she’s about to say. “... paternal .” His eyes shoot open. “Now, don’t go all defensive on me, okay? I know you.” He crosses his arms, letting out a loud breath. “I know how little you like talking to kids, and I know the reason why .” His hands clench under his arms as his breathing gets a bit uneven. “I just saw how comfortable the two of you are around each other.”

“Comfortable isn’t the word I’d use.” Tess snorts, remembering the tension she could feel the moment she stepped foot in his apartment a while ago.

“Yeah, okay. Not comfortable. But, I don’t know. You seem connected somehow. She feels safe around you, that’s easy to see.” He still has no idea why, though. “And you are definitely protective, so I can understand why.”

“I don’t -” She raises a hand, stopping him before he has any time to argue.

“Don’t start. The looks ? The way you ask for permission with your eyes every time you have to talk about her?” He gives her a look. “Don’t think I don’t notice those things.” He closes his eyes once again, concentrating on her words. “The gentle touches on her back each time she feels threatened or scared? Hell , the mere fact that you are sitting right here instead of just going home with a favor from Queen Firefly under your arm. That’s gotta mean something right?”

“It means nothing . It just means that I made a promise and I’m going to fulfill it.” Tess sighs heavily, annoyed he’s not seeing what she’s seeing. But, truth is, he does , it’s just that he’s too scared to even admit it. It’s easier to act like it’s not real.

“You are full of bullshit, Texas. You just can’t admit that no matter what’s happened to you, deep inside you never stopped being a father.” He tightens his jaw, so much it hurts. He doesn’t stop her though. “The instinct to protect a child is still there, whether you want to see it or not.” Before he has time to come up with an excuse, the door to the clinic opens and out comes Marlene and Ellie. He gets up instantly, Tess stays in her spot.

“She appears to be immune, there’s no other explanation.” The woman’s hand is on Ellie’s back, and the kid is as stiff as a board. “Look, this is amazing news.” The kid’s eyes find Marlene. “For years, I’ve had a team working on finding a cure. This -” she gets a hold of Ellie’s arm “- could be the piece we’ve been missing.” There’s a sparkle of curiosity and wonder in the girl’s eyes, while there’s only skepticism in his.

“A cure . Like a vaccine?” Marlene shows a smile that reaches her eyes.

“ Exactly like a vaccine. We have the best doctor in the country for this sort of thing. If we could get Ellie there, he could figure out how to use her immunity to find a solution to what we’ve been looking for for more than twenty years.” A vaccine? The cure for mankind? It all sounds too science fiction to him. Nothing is that simple.

“You are telling me that you are going to be able to make a vaccine in these conditions? Do you have any idea how hard it was to make a vaccine even back in the day? Thousands of researchers, countless hours, state of the art technology…” The woman’s expression changes, and if looks could kill, he’d be dead right now. “You have none of that.”

“We have more than you think, Joel.” He snorts dryly, not believing her for one second. “Dr. Anderson’s worked for years, if there’s anyone that can find a cure, it’s him. All I’m asking is for Ellie to help him.” The girl in question seems to be eating it all up, of course she is. The leader of the Fireflies is telling her she could be the key to save the world, what more could she aspire to be?

“Help him? Help him how? Letting him experiment on her? She’s a kid, for God’s sake.” Marlene gives him a dirty look, clearly angry. He doesn’t give a fuck, he’s angry as well.

“He’s not going to experiment on her, Joel. He’ll study her immunity and find what it is that makes her immune.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He’s not going to let a fourteen-year-old kid turn into a guinea pig for a vaccine that will most likely fail.

“I do.” His eyes quickly move to Ellie, whose attention is solely on Marlene.

“What?” He can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“If there’s a possibility for the world to go back to the way it was, wouldn’t you take it?” He’d lie if he said he hasn’t thought about it, but he always comes to the conclusion that there’s no point. Without Sarah, he doesn’t give a fuck. “I want to do some good. And if this -” she points at her bite “-turns out to be the key to helping hundreds of thousands of people, I’ll take it.” Marlene looks proud of herself, he’d strangle her with his bare hands if he could.

“There’s no guarantee any of that would work. You’ll be putting yourself and your health at risk for that.” Ellie shrugs, already convinced. He knows how stubborn kids her age can be, he’s sure he’s not going to win this argument.

“I’d risk it.” He sighs, not knowing what else to say to convince her. “Where is that doctor?” Glad that she gets right to the point, Marlene smiles.

“Salt Lake City, they are stationed in a pretty big hospital. Lots of great medical equipment, staff and facilities. It’s really secure but also well guarded. We find it to be a perfect spot.” It all still sounds a bit too perfect .

“And how are we going to get all the way there?” The woman looks surprised by his choice of words, clearly not expecting him to want to tag along. Ellie does too, but he can see a spark of appreciation in there too.

“Well, I wish I could give you some kind of a ride but, truth is, we are in a position that makes it impossible to give any away.” She tries to make it all sound really good and professional, he’s not having it.

“Which is your way of saying we are going to have to walk all the way there.” Marlene gulps, knowing how bad it sounds. “You do realize that it’d take us months to get there? That we’d cross infected, and most likely hunters and raiders, right? It’s a suicide mission.”

“You’d be assigned a few of my men. Hand picked.” That doesn’t help at all. “You’ll be protected, I wouldn’t send you on a mission like this if you didn’t.” She’s full of bullshit. A few armed soldiers won’t do much against a group of hunters or even infected, if anything, it’d slow him down. The kid looks on board though, and it’s her decision after all.

“Are you sure about this, kiddo?” Ellie looks a bit unsure for a second, but she recovers quickly.

“Yeah, I am.” Marlene pats her back, and this time she doesn’t even flinch.

“Alright. It’ll take a couple of days or a week to get everything ready. You are more than welcome to stay here. You’ll be our guests of honor.” Pointing to a big door at the end of the hall, she starts walking. “Let me show you around.” He doesn’t like the plan, but who is he to argue when the kid is so sure of it?  

……………..

It takes more than a week for them to get a move on. Three, to be exact. First it was because there weren’t any available soldiers to escort them out. Then, it was because it was too dangerous to even set foot outside. He forgot the rest of the excuses they threw their way.

He was annoyed, especially because they had to sit around, not able to get outside for three whole weeks. It could be worse though, they had decent food, shelter and he couldn’t deny the good company.

Tess was her usual sarcastic self, cheering him up and calming him down when needed. She bonded really well with Ellie, who stopped being so guarded around them. From his part, he can safely say he’s connected with the girl way beyond what they had merely three weeks ago.

She does annoy him sometimes, but it’s expected from a kid, especially a girl as curious as Ellie. Still, during those weeks, he found himself at ease whenever she was around him. Their chats, although about nothing memorable, were long and enjoyable. He found himself smiling and laughing more than he’s had in years, all because of her little jokes and puns that not even she understood sometimes.

It was endearing, and entirely too familiar. He pushed that thought aside every time it came to mind though, not wanting to taint those moments with the memories that plague his mind every night.

They got to know each other, he found out she was allergic to honey, obsessed with comic books and despised the color pink. She loves baseball and enjoys eating meat medium rare, her dream is to become an astronaut and she can do a mean backflip.

They’ve gotten used to spending time together, sometimes with Tess and more times than not, just the two of them. He’s taught her about Runners, Clickers and Bloaters, about how to take each one of them down. He’s made sure she knows how to quickly reload a gun, how to properly hold a rifle and fire an arrow. He wishes he didn’t have to, but in times like these, making sure she knows how to defend herself is key, especially if they are going on a cross-country trip, on foot .

He’s tried to convince, multiple times, Marlene to let them take a truck, she’s never agreed. Turns out, fighting the military is more important than taking who’s supposed to be ‘ the cure for mankind ’ to a safe place. During the three weeks, he’s voiced his concerns almost constantly, to the point where he finds the woman actively avoiding him. Either way, by foot or by car, he’ll have to be ready for anything.

“Ellie, Tess, Joel, meet the team. Hector, Vi and Bruce.” He looks at them and he can’t actually believe it. All this time waiting for this ?

“That’s it?” Marlene looks like she’s trying to hold herself and not launch at him. “Three weeks waiting for a team and you give us three people ?”

“They are the best for this sort of mission. They had to leave their positions and come back here, that ’s what took so long.” He understands, but he definitely expected more. “They’ll escort you out of the city and will make sure nothing happens during the trip to Salt Lake City.” She then bends down in front of Ellie, grabbing her hands. “I wish I could come with you, I really do. But they need me here. I trust these people, they’ll take you where you need to go safely. You are special Ellie, you’ve always been. Just be careful out there.” Her words of encouragement don’t really match her actions, but he won’t comment on it. “Now go save the world.” Ellie straightens her back, as if she was a soldier, which doesn’t really sit right with him. Marlene then stands up, patting the girl’s cheek and walking away. Ellie’s eyes long on the woman, but the sound of one of the soldiers gets her out of her trance.

“Let’s go. Stay right behind us, we’re going to need to get out unnoticed. It’s going to be tricky.” It shouldn’t be, really, they do this on a daily basis, but he won’t complain, he doesn’t have the upper hand this time. He’ll just focus on keeping them safe. That’s his job.

Chapter Text

“Check this one out, ready?” She walks backwards in front of him, as she tends to always do. “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere .” She starts to laugh hysterically, he chuckles. He’s definitely heard that one before, but he won’t crush her spirit by telling her that. “Oh oh, this one’s good too.” She clears her throat, trying to compose herself. “I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something. ” She giggles, pointing upwards. “Get it? Up to something. Hilarious, man.”

“Yeah, I get it.” The three soldiers walk at a steady pace in front of them, Tess chatting with them, he has no idea about what, but she’s the only one able to grab their attention for more than two minutes. Not even Ellie’s been able to do it.

“Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.” Her chuckle is short, this time it’s him who laughs the longest.

“You don’t get it, do you?” The pun isn’t that good, it’s her face that gets him.

“I uh- not really.” She scratches the back of her neck. “ Anyways . So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world.” He raises an eyebrow, she looks at him apologetically. “Too soon?” He nods, she sighs. “Yeah, too soon. Moving on . I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Hah ! That one’s good. I got that one.” Looking ahead, he finds a log laying on the ground, and Ellie’s walking right into it.

“Ellie, be careful.” She stops immediately, used to his warnings. Turning around, she jumps the log and gets back to her initial position. “Shouldn’t you do only a few at a time? They’ll run out eventually.” He loves that the kid is having at least a bit of fun, but there are only so many puns he can take at a time.

“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugs, placing her book right back inside her backpack. She doesn’t turn around though, continuing her backwards little walk. “Hey, Joel?” He looks at her, letting her know he’s listening. “Have you ever seen that movie… uh- the one with the donkey and the uh… the princess and the green guy?” She stares at him expectantly, he tries to decipher her description, frowning until it hits.

“ Shrek ?” She points at him repeatedly, jumping excitedly. He can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, yeah! That one.” She starts to laugh, as if she just remembered something. “It’s just that I saw it not that long ago, and uh-” she snorts, not able to hold herself “I don’t want you to get mad .”

“Mad? Why would I get mad?” He frowns, not knowing how talking about a kid’s movie will get him angry.

“Well, it’s just that when I first met you, you reminded me a little of…” She’s not going to say what he thinks she’s about to say, right? “ Shrek .” Her laugh is booming, and as much as it pains him to say it, her words don’t bother him as much. Her joy is too contagious.

“You are unbelievable, kid.” He speeds up a bit just to smack her forehead lightly, which she finds even funnier. “Well, speaking of that movie, I gotta say you remind me a bit of that donkey.” Her laugh stops, her smile replaced by a frown, but he can tell she’s holding back a grin.

“Hey! I look nothing like a donkey.” He snorts. Why are they having this conversation again?

“Well, I don’t think I look a lot like an ogre either. So we are square.” Finally turning around and walking like a normal person, she follows his pace, placing herself next to him.

“I preferred it when I read puns. You couldn’t insult me then.” This kid .

“Whatever you say kiddo, whatever you say.” They walk in silence for a while after that, which gives him some time to think.

They’ve been out of Boston for almost two weeks, maybe a bit longer, he doesn’t really keep count anymore. Thankfully, they haven’t crossed organized groups or any large number of infected. They’ve had to kill some, but nothing to worry too much about.

The three soldiers, although pretty unfriendly, at least with Ellie and him, are precise and effective. He’ll give props to them when needed. Tess has also been helpful, although he never had any doubts about that. She’s been a bit distant though, preferring to hold a conversation with the soldiers rather than Ellie and him. She’s an outgoing person, so she’s either trying to get the soldiers to actually like them, or she’s giving him more alone time with Ellie. In the back of his mind, he thinks it’s most likely the second one, she’s voiced on more than one occasion how much she likes the dynamic between the two. He tries not to think too much about it, focusing mostly on spotting threats and keeping the kid busy.

“Where even are we?” He’s never been too good at geography, but he knows his highways. At least he thinks he does. He gives her an answer based on pure deduction.

“We are probably nearing Springfield. We’ve been following the I-90 for a while.” She nods, but he can see she has no idea what the hell he’s talking about. “We are nearing a city. We’ll probably try to find a way around it.”

“Why not through it?” He sometimes forgets that this is the first time Ellie’s set foot outside of Boston.

“A city means a lot of people, which in turn means either a bunch of infected or hunters. The best plan would be to walk around it.” He speaks from experience, he remembers the many predicaments he found himself in years ago, when he traveled from Texas all the way to Boston.

“It would slow us down too much. We’ve got orders to get her to Salt Lake City as soon as possible. We are going through it.” Hector, he believes his name is, replies dryly from the front.

“Are you crazy? It’s much safer to go around it, it won’t take us very long.” He can’t be serious right now. The first rule someone learns while on the road is to avoid cities, soldiers as experienced as them should know that by heart.

“As I said, we’ve got orders. We can’t waste any time.” And he doesn’t give a fuck about their orders, he’d rather not die.

“It’s suicidal. Besides, it won’t be as easy as walking in a straight line. There’ll be roadblocks, fallen debris, we’ll have to take alternative routes. In the end, it’ll take us longer than following the outer roads.” He knows he’s right, he’s done it countless times, and he’s made that same mistakes dozens of times. They are stubborn though, won’t budge.

“We know what we are doing. We’ll go through the city, and that’s final.” He wants to complain again, he should complain until they understand their mistake, but one look at Ellie, and he sees how scared she is. He stops.

“You better know what the hell you are doing.” Slowing his pace, he gets a bit of distance between the soldiers and himself, the girl doesn’t leave his side, and surprisingly, neither does Tess.

“I hate this as much as you do, Texas, but they are the pros.” He sighs, shaking his head, what kind of ‘ pros’ would take that stupid ass decision?

“Sure. But they better look out for themselves, I won’t save their ass when they get in trouble.” It’s not his job to take care of some reckless soldiers, his main focus is keeping Ellie, Tess and himself alive. He won’t deter from that.

“We’ll be fine, you’ll see.” The words aren’t directed at him, but at the frightened girl next to him.

“Yeah, I know.” She doesn’t sound too sure, her voice shaking slightly. He didn’t want to scare her, of course he didn’t, but he also can’t just shield her from the realness of the situation. She’s about to walk into a goddamn city, knowing almost nothing about surviving. She needs to understand what could go wrong so she knows beforehand what to do to get out of it alive.

Everything is quiet, too quiet. The city looks like any other nowadays, run down, bodies everywhere. He can’t see any kind of QZ buildings, and in a way it’s reassuring. No QZ means less people stayed in this city when the outbreak started, almost all of them probably running off somewhere like Boston, where they were supposed to be safe. The graffiti and hung people though, that does put him a bit on edge.

They look old, as if they’ve been there for years, but you can’t ever be too careful. His first thought is an organized group, probably raiders or hunters, who either control or used to control this city. And for a moment, he’s not sure if he’d rather take on a bunch of infected or a bunch of them.

The three soldiers march on, as if none of what they are seeing is of any interest or worry. It makes his blood boil, how nonchalant they act, as if they aren’t supposed to be protecting a kid. If something happens, they can either fight or flee, but what about Ellie? He keeps her near, always close enough for him to reach her in case of emergency. Tess stays on the back, keeping watch on their rear, you can’t ever be too careful.

They walk through one of the main streets, probably the one that crosses the entire city, although he’s not too sure. They’ve been keeping a steady pace, hoping to get out as soon as possible. Nothing seems to stop them, not until they get to a barricade. At first glance, it looks abandoned, but looks can be deceiving.

Before any of them have time to react, a shot rings through the air, hitting Bruce right in the head. Joel doesn’t react, doesn’t panic, he only grabs Ellie’s arm and strings her away to safety, Tess right behind. Fuck the soldiers and fuck their stupid ideas, he’s going to protect himself and his people.

They can’t exactly just run away without being seen, they are going to have to shoot their way out of it. Knowing that, he takes out his sniper rifle, and with only six bullets to spare, he’s determined to make every shot count.

“I’m gonna try and get closer. Can’t hit those fuckers with my gun from this distance.” He doesn’t love the idea, but he trusts Tess, he trusts her to stay safe. He nods, she leaves.

The scope of his rifle isn’t exactly new, the scratches make it pretty hard to see, but he’s done this shit enough times to not be bothered by it. Finding one of the hunters, he takes a deep breath, steading the rifle, and he shoots. Square in the face. He pulls the bolt back, another bullet ready to fire. He finds another one, but the moment he’s about to pull the trigger, the fucker crouches out of his sight. He takes another look around, but his focus is broken by the sound of panicked breaths just to his right. Taking the eye out of the scope, he finds Ellie hugging her knees, hyperventilating. Leaving the rifle on the floor, he scoots right before her.

“Ellie, kiddo.” Her breathing gets more and more erratic, she’s in a full panic attack. “Kiddo, hey. Look at me.” She doesn’t seem to react, and he’s not too sure if touching her is the best idea, but time is ticking. Placing his hands softly on her cheeks, he raises her head, making her look at him. “Hey, we are safe, okay? We’ll get out of this, I promise.” He’s had his fair share of anxiety attacks, he has some notion of what to do. “Breathe with me, alright?” A bullet ricochets off a wall, too close for comfort. Ellie panics even more. “Hey, hey, come on. Look at me.” Teary-eyed, she does as she’s told. “Good job, now breathe with me. In-” he inhales, she does the same, shaking “-and out.” He lets out all the air inside his lungs. After a few seconds of just breathing, she seems to calm down, at least a bit. “You are doing great, kiddo. You just focus on breathing, alright? I’ll get us out of here.” She doesn’t answer, too focused on breathing.

Getting back to his original spot, he takes the rifle in his hands, shooting every target he finds. It takes entirely too long, but once he fires that last bullet, there’s only silence. His eyes go straight to Ellie, who is staring at him, asking silently if it’s finally over. He straps his rifle back on his shoulder, and not daring to stand up, he crouches over to the girl.

“You stay here, I’m going to go look for Tess and the others. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out.” He starts walking again when a hand wraps around his wrist, making him stop in his tracks.

“Don’t leave me, please.” He wants to stay and comfort her, make sure she’s alright. But right now, if he wants to keep her safe, he needs to check on everyone else.

“I won’t be out there too long, I promise.” Begrudgingly, she lets go, and with a nod he gets out. The moment he sets foot outside the small room they were cooped up in, he sees what he dreaded most, everyone laying on the ground, dead.

His heart starts beating faster and faster, he doesn’t really care about the dead soldiers, although he’s not happy about it either. His eyes are scanning the place for one person and one person only, Tess. He doesn’t dare yell her name, afraid someone else could still be out there. But after a while of not being able to find her, he stands up and calls out to her, to which he receives nothing more than a grunt.

His head quickly turns to the sound, and he finds her hidden behind a small block of cement, pressing her hand onto her stomach. He’s frozen on the spot, knowing full well what’s going on. There’s blood all over the floor, and her face is white as a sheet. He walks towards her slowly, crouching next to her.

“Hey.” His hand finds her bloody one, not really caring if he gets her blood all over himself.

“Hey.” Her voice is raspy and her breathing is uneven. He doesn’t have that much time.

“You should’ve stayed in Boston.” He knows it’s not the best thing to say at the moment, but he can’t help it. She doesn’t seem mad though, she never is.

“And leave you two alone with those three assholes? Nah.” Her hand squeezes his, but her grip isn’t that strong.

“I’m sorry, Tess. I should’ve-” She lets out a groan, her hand spasming.

“Don’t finish that sentence, Texas. You- you did the right thing.” She closes her eyes, trying to even her breathing out. “Take care of that girl, okay?” She then stares right into his eyes. “You love her like she deserves. Like you deserve.” A lonely tear streams down his cheek, his face stoic. “She’s your second chance, Joel. Don’t waste it.” Her blinks start to get slower, until there are no blinks left. Her grip on his hand disappears and so he lets go. Before he stands up, he runs his other hand over her face, closing her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Tess. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Chapter Text

“Come on, we gotta move.” He didn’t mean to come off as angry, it’s not the kid’s fault after all, but right now, he’s angry at the world. She gives him a confused look, but gets up nonetheless. If anything, the girl knows how to follow orders.

“Where’s Tess?” He keeps walking forward, his paranoia making him flinch at every little sound, checking every window and opening. He doesn’t answer, and his mere silence seems enough of an answer for her, she’s bright after all, she gets it. “ Oh .” ‘ Oh ’ indeed. “I’m sorry, Joel.” Sympathy is the last thing he needs right now, but how would she know that? “I know how you feel-” He stops in his tracks, facing her, a scowl on his face. He shouldn’t do this, he shouldn’t argue with a kid about something as tragic as loss. He knows that, still, he doesn’t stop himself.

“What the hell would you know?” She takes a step backwards, his words feeling like a bullet to the chest. “You’ve lived locked up your whole life, you have no idea what it's like.” He continues his march, Ellie stays still.

“You can’t say that to me.” His hands clench so hard, he feels his nails penetrating his skin. He takes a deep breath before turning back around. Ellie, instead of being frightened by his demeanor, gets even braver. “If you really believe that you are a fucking hypocrite.” In three long strides, she’s in front of him. Her finger jabs at his chest, he doesn’t react. “You saw with your own fucking eyes what happened with Riley, so don’t you tell me that I don’t know what you are talking about.” Her hand drops to her side and his stoic act is starting to crumble. “I’m really sorry about Tess, I really am. She was one of the first adults to ever put up with my shit, just like you. So yeah, I know how you feel.” They stare at each other for a long while. She’s waiting for an apology, he can tell, but he can’t find the words. He doesn’t think he has anything left to say, so he just turns around, walking away. He can hear her sigh behind him, but this time, she does follow.

He has no idea how long they walk in silence. His hand is always resting on his holster, on alert. Ellie is by his side the whole time, hunched down. There is no spark left in her, she doesn’t care about anything around her, unlike before. From time to time, he silently checks up on her, and every time, he dies a bit more inside.

He was an asshole, but what’s new? He’s been this way for a long time, almost half his life. Still, the last month felt like a breath of fresh air, he felt different, he acted different. Spending time with Ellie was new and exciting, something he hasn’t felt in a long while. He fucked it all up. He ran his mouth and fucked it up.

“We should find somewhere to spend the night.” She doesn’t meet his eyes while she nods, following along. They end up in a little cabin, and after making sure it’s clear, they set camp.

Thankfully, there’s a chimney, and after finding a bit of wood, he starts a fire. Meanwhile, Ellie’s found some cushions in decent condition, which she uses to sit down on. She leaves the other one for him, who after placing two cans of food near the fire, sits down next to her.

The tension between the two is palpable, neither of them know what to say, which isn’t a normal occurrence. Ellie always has some quip or funny joke to tell, always keeping him entertained. Her focus stays on the fire, and he can’t do anything else but imitate her.

“What are we going to do now?” He’s been asking himself that same question ever since they left that nightmare-inducing place. Should they head back? Tell Marlene what happened and get her to help them? What if they go back and she isn’t even there? If they go back, did Tess die for nothing? He doesn’t have an answer for her, and she can tell. “I say we keep going.” He’s not entirely surprised by her answer, she feels somehow obligated to do it, feeling as if not helping the Fireflies find a cure will make her selfish, or worse, useless.

“We could go back. I’d say that’s the safest option.” She scoffs, playing with her fingers.

“I don’t want to go back. What would I go back to? I don’t have anything left there.” He listens, understanding her concerns. “I need to finish this. If not for me, then for everyone else. For Riley, for Tess.” He takes a deep breath at the simple mention of her name.

“You have no idea how difficult it’ll be to travel by ourselves. The dangers of the outside world.” He doesn't sound angry, mostly because he isn’t. He is calm, his tone soft, so she can understand the importance of his words. “This was nothing compared to what we can run into out there.”

“You need to stop assuming what I know and don’t know. I’m not stupid. I know how dangerous it is out here, but that’s exactly why I need to finish this, so we don’t have to worry about it anymore.” She sounds stern, confident that finding the so-called ‘ cure ’ will instantly fix everything.

“That’s not how the real world works, kiddo. If the vaccine works, and that’s a big if , it’ll only help us with the Infected, not the thousands of crazy hunters, raiders and all other kinds of people out there.” She gives him a dirty look, hating his words. He doesn’t care though, she needs to know the truth.

“Why are you telling me this? To make me feel useless? Is that it?” She’s getting agitated while he stays calm, something new for him. “You think that’ll make me go back?” Standing up, she starts to pace, he continues to sit still. “I lost everyone . I have nothing else to live for but this .” Her hand instinctively goes to her forearm, squeezing. “Don’t you understand?”

“I do.” He looks at her and he finds a broken child, lost and afraid of what’s ahead of her. She should be worried about what to be when she grows up, not about this.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like it, because all you do is tell me how impossible it is for the Fireflies to find a cure, how hopeless this world is. I know this world sucks, Joel! It’s the only world I’ve ever known.”

“I’m not trying to bring you down, Ellie. All I want is for you to know what could happen, because if you get attached to the idea of it working, saving everyone and making the world a better place, all for it not to work when the time comes, it’ll crush you.” She stops pacing, staring right at him. “I just want you to really understand every possible scenario before you make a decision. Because in the end, it’s your decision to make, not mine.” There’s a few seconds of silence when Ellie plops back down on her cushion, defeated. “You know I’ll follow you wherever you go, kiddo. But I won’t encourage you to make a rushed decision. I need you to think this through, to see if the risk is really worth it. It’s your life, not anyone else’s. You’ve got all the cards on the table, you just need to pick which one is best for you.”

…………………

He can count with the fingers of his right hand how many times Ellie’s started a conversation in the last week. There’s been no puns, no jokes, no wows or yucks , no nothing . All she’s been doing is following him along deserted highways.

If this situation happened roughly one and a half months ago, he’d be thankful for the silence. Having a kid constantly yapping was not exactly his idea of fun, still isn’t, but he’s gotten used to the girl’s insistent small talk.

No matter if it was the fact that it was sunny or raining, that she was tired or very energetic, she always found something to talk about. At first, he’d just listen, but as time went on, he found himself engaging in what used to be one-way conversations. Turns out, he liked the girl, how could he keep the tough act then?

Getting to know her as he’s done, knowing how sincere, talkative, energetic and hopeful she is, he can’t help but worry for her wellbeing. Physically, she’s fine, there isn’t a single scratch on her. Mentally, though, she might not be that well.

He’s tried it all, every single topic of conversation he’s brought up hasn’t worked. In the end, there’s only so much he can do, and walking in silence has become a part of their day-to-day life. Of course, sometimes there’s that comment here and there that someone lets out (mostly him these days), but other than that, it’s been quiet.

“Be careful, buildings up ahead.” They’ve avoided successfully crossing Hartford once they got to Connecticut, not wanting a repeat of Springfield. Walking around cities is the best course of action. Still, there’s always some town they need to get across that they aren’t able to surround.

“I know.” Her attitude reminds him too much of Sarah’s once she turned thirteen. Nothing he ever said sat right with her, always on his case about every single thing he commented on or everything he didn’t. If it was complicated back then with his own daughter, then he finds it even more difficult now with a kid he met not that long ago.

“We’ll try and go around.” He thought the circumstances they went through in Springfield would make her a bit more weary about getting into cities, but truth is, she’s gotten more reckless.

Ever since the talk they had on that cabin, she’s gotten more decisive, eager to get to the Fireflies and fulfill her ‘ destiny ’. So much so, that she sometimes forgets she’s only immune to the Infection, not bullets.

He knows she isn’t happy about his decision to avoid cities, knowing it’ll take them longer than just crossing through. And even though she hasn’t exactly voiced her concerns, he can see it in her face and sense it with her sighs and scoffs every time they steer away from the main road.

He can’t be mad at her for feeling that way, he understands her reasoning, and even though he doesn’t really agree with her on most of it, he’ll tag along for the ride. He promised. 

“It’s been awfully quiet today.” These days, their conversations (or his for the most part)  are either about the weather or their way ahead. It sucks, but it’s the only way to get anything out of her. 

“ Mm-hm .” Not exactly the answer he was looking for, but it’ll do. 

The next couple of days are a repeat of the last few, no comments, conversations or even glances come his way. They follow the path he made in his head, careful not to run into any hordes or groups, and stopping to rest every few hours.

If it was only him, he’d march through the wilderness nonstop for hours at a time, but he’s got a kid with him, a fourteen-year-old who - he sometimes needs to remind himself - didn’t see the outside of Boston until less than two months ago.

They walk for around four hours until they stop, making sure she drinks water and eats at least something before they continue. It’s not like he has much to spare, truth be told, he barely has food for one, let alone two, but he can deal with a few missed meals.

She never complains about anything, that, he’s grateful for. It’s hard enough as it is, he doesn’t think he’d be strong enough to handle a whining child as well. Still, today nothing seems to be alright with her.

It’s the first day she’s talked so much. ‘So much’ being a few sentences in the span of eleven hours. They’ve set camp on the side of the road, surrounded by trees, hidden enough so that no one can see them if they walk by, but still clear enough so he can take a look at the road.

His backpack is practically empty, so he isn’t that surprised when he only finds a can of peaches in it. He’s definitely hungry, he’s barely eaten anything in the last few days, giving Ellie the bigger portions with the excuse of his stomach acting out. He could see she knew he was lying, but she never complained. Today, when he hands her the can after only one bite, she doesn’t take it.

“Come on, Ellie. Eat.” She crosses her arms, staring into the small fire he got started a few minutes ago. He gets the can closer to her, but she doesn’t react. “Ellie, I’m not joking around. Eat.” Instead of taking it, she gives him a dirty look, but he doesn’t see any malice in her eyes. Instead, he finds concern. He knows what she’s thinking, she’s seen the empty bag. He won’t eat it though, she needs it more than him. “Kid, I’m not hungry. Just eat it.”

“No.” Her eyes never leave his face, and his arm never retracts, the can still right in front of her. She won’t give up, but neither will he.

“I told you my stomach ain’t alright these days. It’s better if I don’t eat much.” Her frown deepens, not happy with his answer.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” He sighs slightly, but doesn’t back down.

“Just take the damn can, Ellie.” She pulls her knees closer to her chest, shaking her head.

“No.” Annoyed, he leaves the can on the ground. She doesn’t even try to get it. They stay motionless for a while, both of them too stubborn to do anything about it. After a few minutes, he stands up, ready to put out the fire and keep going, knowing nothing he says will make her eat the peaches. She doesn’t move, and before he gets too close to the fire, she stops him. “I’m not going to eat it.” He stops in his tracks, closing his eyes and sighing.

“Okay, then we’ll just leave it there.” He knows he’s acting childish, and he’s not proud of it. But he knows she won’t just leave a perfectly edible can behind.

“Then you’ll leave me here too.” He had a feeling that’d be her response. In all honesty, he knew from the beginning he wouldn’t win this argument today. If he pretends to leave, he knows she wouldn’t be fooled by it, he’s told her countless times he’ll  never leave her behind. Instead, he sits back down.

“We made a deal way back, you and me, remember? You listen to me and do as I say, because I won’t be able to protect you otherwise. You promised you’d do that.” She scoffs, her feet moving the dirt around.

“And I’ve kept my word.” Her voice is soft but he can hear the annoyance.

“Not now you aren’t.” He tries to come off as understanding, knowing that getting stern on her won’t work.

“Because you are being stupid.” He rests his head on the tree behind him, looking up at the clear blue sky. “You think I don’t notice you leaving more than half of the food in my can? You think you are invincible Joel, but let me tell you something, you aren’t. If you don’t eat you’ll get sick.” He opens his mouth to retort, but she doesn’t stop talking. “I know you are trying to help me, making sure I stay healthy. I know that. But if you get sick or- or-” her voice wavers, and he feels a pang of guilt in his chest “- or fucking die, how’d that help me, huh?” Her watery gaze goes straight to his eyes, and he tries really hard to keep a straight face and not break down. “You are killing yourself. And I know you are trying to be careful and stay away from big cities, but Joel, we don’t have food. At this rate, hunters won’t kill us but hunger will.”

“I-” what does he say to that? What can he say to that?

“If you really want to keep me safe, you’ll eat the fucking peaches and help me search for food on the next town we come across.” She shuts up after that, her eyes back on the fire.

Peaches have never tasted worse.

Chapter Text

Finding something to eat has never been this difficult. Whether it was ration cards or smuggled food, he always had something around the house. Out in the wilderness, where there’s nothing but abandoned buildings and dead bodies, he finds it almost impossible to salvage anything.

That’s why he’s decided to go hunting. He found a bow a few days ago when they were crossing Pittsburg, he hasn’t used it on anything except Infected though, so he has no idea how well he’ll do with rabbits and other animals.

Ellie is kind of a good shot, especially with bow and arrow. It’s not like he’s let her kill anyone or anything, it’s just that he’s taught her how to use it. You never know if it’ll come in handy one day.

“I’m starving.” She’s been in a fairly good mood lately. The talkative, energetic kid he once met is back, and he couldn’t be more relieved.

“Just a little longer, kiddo. We’ll find some rabbits sooner or later.” And they do, two to be precise. Once the sun starts to disappear, they set camp. With both skinned rabbits over the fire, they finally relax.

“What do you think they’ll do?” Leaving the stick he’s been using to keep the fire going, he turns to the kid, who keeps her eyes glued to the food. “The Fireflies, I mean.” And isn’t that the real question. The thing that’s been plaguing his mind for weeks. He doesn’t have an answer, at least not a real one, but he does have one that floats around in his brain to try and reassure himself that nothing bad is going to happen.

“They’ll probably take some blood samples. At least that's what they did in movies.” She looks pensive, thinking his answer through, running every possible scenario in her brain.

“Couldn’t they just take the sample back in Boston and get it to Salt Lake themselves?” Her brain works in ways his couldn’t.

“They may need more than one. Having you there would be the best option, I’d assume. But take my words with a grain of salt, kiddo. I’m no doctor.” She knows that, and still, she looks for him for advice. It warms his heart, but at the same time, it shatters it. Why would she trust him of all people? 

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” She places her chin over her knees, rubbing her hands close to the fire. The food won’t be fully cooked for a while, and there’s nothing for them to do than talk and watch the stars, something she’s passionate about, but once Fireflies come into any sort of conversation, stars don’t seem to matter.

“Riley wanted to be a Firefly.” Now, that’s a name he hadn’t heard in a long time. “She wanted it so bad that she disappeared for more than a month to try and join them.” Ellie runs her hand under her nose, sniffing but not spilling any tears. “Marlene didn’t want her to at first, but I guess she convinced her, because one day she came back with her own Firefly pendant.” That didn’t sit right with him, Riley was a kid. She shouldn’t have to join a militia, not now, not ever. “She was going to join the group the next day. She wanted to say goodbye before she left. Forever.” Her arms grip her legs tighter to her chest. He can’t do anything but stare. “I almost convinced her to stay. To not leave me. We were going to go back. Together. But we were bitten.” Instinctively, he moves closer to the girl, itching to just pull her into his arms. He doesn’t do it. “If we’d left sooner. If I didn’t-” her voice wavers “- I loved her.” The damn breaks and the tears reach her knees. “I kissed her and she got distracted. We could’ve run sooner. She was bitten because of me.” He can’t hold back any longer. His right arm goes straight to her shoulders, pulling her in, her head resting on his chest, her hand grabbing a fistful of his shirt.

“Don’t say that. It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident, nothing you could’ve done.” His hand runs up and down her arm, soothing.

“I miss her.” And isn’t that heartbreaking. He knows young love, and it shouldn’t end like this.

“And it’s alright if you do. She meant a lot to you. But you can’t blame yourself for something out of your control.” He knows it’s not that simple, that the internal guilt the girl carries must be enormous, but he needs her to at least understand.

“Then why is she dead and I’m not? Why did she deserve to die and I didn’t ?” He doesn’t have an answer for that, how could he? A kid died, and another didn’t. Is there a real reason why? Should there be one?

“I don’t know, kiddo. I don’t know.” His hand caresses the back of her neck, soothing. He knows how well it worked with Sarah, and as he expected, Ellie starts to relax under his embrace.

“I just want to do something good, you know? I was given an opportunity that day, I need to give back.” He adores how selfless she is, how much she cares for others. But sometimes, she cares a bit too much about them, and not enough about herself.

“I know you think that, but-” Her voice is muffled by his shirt when she cuts him off, but he hears her clear enough.

“I don’t want to get into this argument again, Joel.” Looking down, he sees her eyelids starting to close. His head rests on the tree, and even though he tries to stay awake, sleep takes over.

……………….

He jolts awake at the sound of what seems like a branch breaking. His right hand goes straight to his revolver, and as softly as possible, he moves Ellie to lie on the floor, still sleeping. 

He runs two fingers over his eyes, trying to get rid of any remnant of sleep. He takes a look around the area, but the bit of morning fog and the numerous trees make it almost impossible for him to spot anything or anyone.

His hearing isn’t what it used to be, but whoever or whatever was coming, didn’t try to be too subtle about it. Footsteps can be distinctly heard approaching, not wanting to waste any time, he gets to Ellie, grabbing their backpacks.

“Kiddo. Come on, let’s go. There’s someone coming.” He shakes her awake, and his whispers get her to stand up quickly. “Get behind me.” She doesn’t answer, doesn’t really need to, they’ve done this countless times before.

The noises are coming from the left, so he takes a right turn and guides them towards the road. He tries to avoid any branches, but being in a forest makes it pretty difficult. Still, they don’t make too much noise, and before they know it, they are two steps away from the road. Before they step foot in it though, he makes sure it’s clear.

He’s about to get out of the woods when he hears a soft gasp behind him. Turning around, he finds Ellie frozen in place, a gun pointed to the back of her head and a hand on her shoulder, keeping her from running away.

The grip on his revolver tightens, trying to stop himself from just shooting the guy right between his eyebrows right then and there. He knows he could do it, but he won’t risk it, not while he’s holding Ellie and having no idea how many of them could be around.

“Drop it.” He doesn’t move, staring right into his emotionless eyes. “I said drop it .” With a devilish smile on his face, he rests his chin on Ellie’s shoulder. She stiffens, her breathing getting more erratic, his features harden, the need to put a bullet through his head getting more and more dire. “Or do you want me to hurt your little girl ?” He knows he doesn’t have a choice in the matter once two other guys appear right behind him. Dropping the gun to the floor, he moves his eyes to Ellie, giving her a reassuring look. It doesn’t really seem to help. “Drop the backpack too.” He does as he’s told and one of the guys slowly approaches him, grabbing the bag and his revolver. “Now, my friend here is going to tie your hands behind your back and you are going to do exactly as you are told. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to her, right?” The man seems to take his silence as a yes, motioning for the other guy to tie him up, doing the same to Ellie. “Come on, kid. Don’t be scared, you’ll be really taken care of. You’ll see.” His words chill Joel’s bones, knowing exactly what he was referring to. Unable to stop himself, he takes a step forward, and three different guns get pointed at him.

“You aren’t going to touch a single hair on her head, you hear me?” The man holding Ellie lowers his gun, chuckling. Releasing his hold on her and giving it to another man, he steps close to Joel, close enough that he can feel his breath on his face.

“Why so aggressive, huh? We haven’t hurt you, have we?” He turns his body towards Ellie, giving her a fake and unnerving smile. “We are just going to take you two to our camp, nothing else. You’ll have food and a place to sleep, that sounds great, doesn’t it kid?” Ellie gives him a cold stare. 

“Fuck you.” Laughing, he turns to Joel, giving him a pat on the shoulder. 

“Feisty huh? Like father, like daughter, right?”

“Right.” The hand doesn’t leave his shoulder, shaking him slightly with a smile on his face.

“Come on you two. Don’t be so angry, yeah?” Walking away and placing himself in front of Ellie, he bends down, getting to her level. Joel tries to take another step forward, but the other man’s hold on him stops him in his tracks. “What’s your name sweetheart?” She doesn’t answer, but the man doesn’t want to drop it. “It’s a simple question honey. My name’s David. What’s yours?” Suddenly, Ellie’s leg moves upwards, kicking David right in between his legs. The man falls to the ground and the other two start yelling and pointing their guns at her. Joel tries to move but to no avail. Ellie stays as stoic as ever, giving David a dirty look.

“Ellie.” From the floor, the man chuckles, the pain evident in his voice. “You can tell your friends that Ellie was the one who kicked you in the fucking nuts.” The amusement in David’s face disappears and a bit of pride appears on Joel’s.

“Don’t play with us, Ellie .” The venom in his voice when he says her name makes his skin crawl. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Standing up, he starts walking away. “Come on, let’s go.”

Chapter Text

They keep Ellie ahead of him, making it impossible for him to even check on her. He’s aching to get to her, reassure her and make sure she knows he’ll never let anything happen to her. Part of him is sure she already knows that, but part of him isn’t. The last one tends to win.

Everything hurts, the rope they used to tie his hands is too tight, making it almost impossible for his blood to flow efficiently. He’s cold, the weather starting to get worse the more they keep walking. He can feel numerous blisters on his feet, and even though he’s used to it, he’d rather take a break than keep walking through the forest getting strung along by a horse.

He tries not to think about what Ellie might be feeling, knowing that if it’s this bad for him, it’ll be two times worse for her. She’s a strong kid, he’d never deny that, but this shit is tough even to the strongest of people.

“Come on people, we’re almost there.” He shouldn’t feel relieved at the thought of walking into their kidnapper’s camp, but right now everything is better than what they are going through. “Untie them from the horses. Get them to the cells.”

For the first time in about three hours, he’s close enough to see Ellie’s face. She looks exhausted, but her face stays stoic, never letting anyone see her fear or uneasiness. If there’s anything to be proud of at this moment, it is how well she’s doing.

Soon enough though, she’s out of his reach. As they take them through a maze of run down buildings, he takes note of the way, keeping it stored at the back of his brain for when they make a break for it. Because if he’s sure of anything, it’s that they’ll get out of this shithole.

“Your own little cage. Must be nice, huh?” They push them inside a cell, big enough for the both of them. He would headbut the asshole, but he’s too concerned for Ellie who keeps her eyes focused on the wall. “Have fun, you two.” The same man cuts their ropes while the other one points his gun, making sure they don’t move an inch. Before he’s even had time to react, the door is closed, leaving them locked up. He doesn’t waste any time.

“Hey, kiddo. You alright?” She doesn’t seem to show any emotion, her gaze lost somewhere he can’t really pinpoint. “Ellie.” He’s not entirely sure what’s going on, and he’s not too happy about that. “Ellie, kiddo. Look at me.” His hands find her shoulders as he kneels in front of her. Suddenly, she starts blinking rapidly. “Hey, you with me?” 

“Joel?” Her eyes are fixed on his face, but she can’t seem to focus enough to see him. “What-?”

“Close your eyes and breathe, alright?” She does as she’s told, and after a few seconds, she opens them up again. “Feel any better?” She shrugs, her hands starting to tremble. Noticing it, she clasps them together, trying to hide it from him. “Come on, sit down.” For a second, he thinks her body might give out, but with shaky legs and his help, she sits down right next to him.

“I don’t-” She swallows with a bit of difficulty. “I don’t know what’s happening.” Truth be told, neither does he, but he has a slight idea.

“It might be the shock, kiddo. Don’t worry about it too much, alright? I just need you to tell me if anything hurts.” Shaking her head, she keeps her eyes glued to her hands, trying very hard to get them to stop trembling. Seeing her worry, he grabs them with his own, noticing how cold they actually are. “Hey, try to relax, okay?” That’s easier said than done, really.

“What are they going to do?”

“I don’t know, kiddo. But I won’t let anything happen to you, understand?” Their eyes find each other, and he can see she believes his words when her shoulders drop slightly, her body relaxing.

“Well, isn’t this cute?” David walks in with a tray of food in his hands. “It is, really. My dad used to beat the shit out of me if I cried.” He chuckles, Joel doesn’t find the joy in it. “Then again, it was a long time ago.” The tray is left on the ground and pushed slowly under the door. Neither of them try to grab it. “Aw, come on. I know you must be hungry.” He stays crouched on the other side. “If we wanted you dead, you’d be dead already.” As much as he hates to admit it, the guy’s right, and he knows how hungry Ellie must be, so against his better judgment, he gets the tray closer to them. “Good, good. Wouldn’t want you to starve to death, now would we?”

“What the fuck do you want?” The food is right in front of Ellie, but she doesn’t move a muscle. 

“From you? Nothing really. From her ?” David chuckles, Joel’s blood starts pumping. “Well, that’s a different story.” He wishes the door were to open, so he could grab the fucker from the neck and choke him to death. If he thinks he’ll let him lay a hand on Ellie, he’s more delusional than he thought.

“You lay a hand on her, and I swear to God you won’t live to tell anyone.” He can feel Ellie shrinking next to him, while David seems to get bigger, full of himself, proud even. He probably gets off riling him up. Fucker .

“That’s what you say, but there isn’t much for you to do now, is it? You against hundreds of my men. I wouldn’t call that a fair fight now, would I?” He stands up, hands in his pockets, still smiling. “You are in no position to threaten me, my friend. Or do you want me to put a bullet in your brain? Make her watch?” His body shivers at the thought. He needs to defend Ellie, but at what cost? Getting killed right in front of her? He can’t be impulsive, he needs to think this through. “You wouldn’t like that, right sweetheart?” Ellie looks intensely at David, rage visible on her face.

“ Fuck you .” If they weren’t on the verge of being killed, he’d laugh. Proud of her boldness, now though, he keeps his composure.

“Ellie, Ellie .” David grabs the cell door. “Snarky little shit.” Suddenly, Ellie stands up, walking closer to the man. He lets her be. “You’ll drive me crazy.” One of David’s hands reaches for her. The look in his face makes him nauseous, but Ellie is too focused on something he doesn’t quite get. His initial thought when the girl lets that sick bastard touch her face is to kick the door down and kill him right then and there. “Look at you, huh?” He feels like throwing up, why wouldn’t she move away? Suddenly, all questions leave his head as Ellie bites David’s hand, reaching anxiously at the keychain right on his hip.

As quickly as he can manage, Joel stands up, rushing to him and grabbing his gun from the other side of his body just as Ellie gets a hold of the keys. Joel doesn’t waste any time pointing the gun at the fucker’s head. All color and smugness drains from his face.

“Got you motherfucker.” This time, he lets a smile grace his face at Ellie’s comment.

“You are making a big mistake.” The desperation in his voice is like music to their ears. Joel wishes he could torture him before leaving, but right now, escaping is the priority.

“You are the one that made the mistake, my friend .” He mimics him. “And now’s when you’ll regret it.” Ellie starts to open the door, and the gun never leaves David’s head. “Don’t fucking move.” He steps out first, and with the other hand, he grabs the hackett laying on the table next to him. “Ellie.” The girl finally gets out. “Grab our stuff-” his head motions to the left, where both their bags were placed conveniently “- and leave.” Her head snaps quickly, staring at him.

“What?” Joel’s eyes never leave David’s, finding joy in the man’s terror.

“Take the gun and guard the door, watch out for anyone coming in. This'll take a minute.” He sees David gulp and somehow, he enjoys it.

“No, I can help.” He won’t let her see this, he can’t ,

“Ellie,” his voice is stern, “do as I say. Now .” At that moment, the fucker has the indicency to chuckle.

“She really is like you, huh? You want to watch daddy rip my body apart, don’t you kid?” David starts to laugh hysterically. The tip of the barrel touches his forehead, making him stop. “Come on, tough guy. Let her watch.”

“You better shut up.” In a softer voice, he speaks to Ellie. “Kiddo, get out.” It takes her a couple of seconds, but after a scoff, she takes both backpacks and leaves the room. “You are going to regret everything you’ve done.”

“All I regret is not getting my hands on that girl sooner.” The grin on David’s face and his words get him over the edge, and suddenly his gun has connected with the side of his head, making him fall to the ground. He stands above him, the gun pointed at his face.

“You sick son of a bitch.” Unable to stop himself, he crouches down next to him, the hackett right above David’s hipbone. “ No one touches her, do you hear me? No one .” Not even a second later, the weapon hits David right in between his legs, making him scream. “Fucking pedophile.” He pushes a bit more, making him scream once again. “I’d love to make this last longer, but I’d rather get the fuck away from here. So let’s make this quick, huh?” He raises the hackett above David’s head.

“No, wait! Wait, don’t do this-” He finds it funny how he has the guts to plead for his life.

“We’ll see each other in hell someday, David .” The name comes out from his mouth with venom. “And I’ll enjoy killing you over and over again.” His rage blinds him at that point. He somehow feels at ease.

Chapter Text

Getting out isn’t easy. He never thought it would. It takes them a huge amount of sneaking around and waiting for the right opportunities to strike. He wishes he could end them all, but even in his state of outer rage, he can tell there are just too many. Instead, he settles on killing those on their way, just enough to get out unnoticed. There were a few slip ups here and there, but thankfully - he doesn’t really know if it was skill or pure luck - no one spots them.

It’s night time once they finally escape, and the darkness helps them get away easier. The few snipers around the place only equipped with basic flashlights wouldn’t be able to spot them anyway. He takes that as a win.

They don’t let their guard down until they find themselves surrounded by trees. That is when he finally stands up, stretching his legs and letting out a big sigh of relief. Every bone in his body cracks. He’s getting too old for this shit,

“You okay over there, kiddo?” He made sure to keep an eye on her at all times during their escape, not wanting anything to happen to her. “You held your own back there.” And she did, she really did. He places his hand on her shoulder, feeling her relax under his touch. “If it wasn’t for your quick thinking, I don’t know how we would’ve gotten out of that.” He’s gotten better at letting her know she’s doing a good job, and right now, he feels it’s the right time to do it. “I’m really proud of you, kiddo.” Her eyes sparkle, and he’s amazed at how much seven words can overjoy a person. Still, he can’t help but add something that’s been running around the back of his head. Crouching down, he grabs onto her arms, making her look down to him. “I really am proud, Ellie. But you do need to think everything through.” Her head drops slightly. “We had no idea what that man was capable of. Letting him-” he takes a deep breath “- letting him touch you like that?” His hands squeeze her arms a bit tighter. “It could’ve been very dangerous. You understand?” Her mouth is pressed in a thin line. “Ellie, kiddo. Do you understand ?”

“You said it yourself. If it wasn’t for what I did, we wouldn’t have gotten out of there.” For a second, he regrets his words, but he was telling the truth.

“I know that’s what I said, and I still stand by it.” She frowns, not really understanding. “You were quick and it worked, but did you actually think it through?” She avoids his gaze, and that’s the answer he was looking for. “You knew what-” he gulps, not wanting to actually voice his thoughts “- you knew what that sick bastard wanted to do.” Her hands turn into fists, and he covers them with his own. “You knew, and still you decide to let him get so close to you? I’m sorry kiddo, but that was a rash decision that could’ve ended really badly.” Her eyes close and she takes a deep breath.

“I know that.” Her tone is harsh, but he can tell she’s not actually mad at him, just angry at everything going on. “I knew what he wanted. But I couldn’t let him go when he had the keys right there . I had to do something and I knew I was the only one who would be able to get close enough to take them. So I did, knowing full well what could happen to me.” His thumbs start rubbing her hands softly. “Because I knew you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.” His breath gets caught in his throat at her words and glassy eyes. “Right?” He finds desperation in her voice as it comes out shaky. Without even having time to think it through, he stands up and wraps both arms around her shoulders.

“Of course, baby girl. I won’t ever let anything happen to you.” Her hands grab at the back of his shirt, as her tears wet the front.

…………………

Ever since that day, Ellie’s been a bit closed off but extra clingy, especially at night. She doesn’t talk as much as she used to, and it reminds him of the time after Tess’ death, when she didn’t say a word to him for days.

This time though, she isn’t angry at him, but scared and he guesses, traumatized, by the events they went through. She doesn’t ever mention it, and he doesn’t dare to either, not wanting to make her uncomfortable or sad by bringing it up. Still, he knows he should talk to her about it, know what’s going on inside her head and see if he can actually help her out in any way.

She always walks two steps behind him, eyes fixed on the road below her feet. He tries to bring up topics of conversation, but her mind is always somewhere else. The only time he can actually talk to her is during the night, when she can’t seem to leave his side.

Usually, when they sat around a fire, she’d sit at a relative distance from him, but these last couple of days, she gets so close, he even has to move a bit to the side to sit properly sometimes. He doesn’t really mind it, but he knows it’s not really healthy for either of them.

It’s even gotten to the point where she needs to sleep right next to him, sometimes right under his blanket. Again, it’s not a problem, he actually likes having her close, knowing nothing could happen to her when she’s at arms reach. Still, it feels like over protecting, and he has no idea what awaits them once they get to Salt Lake, he shouldn’t get this attached.

He shouldn’t, but it feels almost inevitable at this point.

“Ellie, look.” She’s staring right into an old billboard, a smiling family staring right back at her, an enormous plane behind them. “Ellie.” She doesn’t shift her attention, he walks closer. “Ellie, kiddo.” Right as he stops right next to her, she looks up at him, confused.

“Huh?” Her confused face gets him to chuckle slightly, placing his hand right on the back of her neck. 

“What’s got you so distracted?” She turns her attention right back to the billboard.

“Last night I had a dream that I was on a plane.” She frowns. “Weird, right? Considering I’ve never been inside one, let alone seen one.” His thumb caresses the back of her neck softly. “What was it like?” He looks at her, she does the same.

“Loud, crowded, uncomfortable. Scary for some people. Difficult to sleep in, awful food.” Ellie chuckles.

“Wow, you make it sound like a nightmare.” A smile graces his face.

“Well, if you had money, you would be as smiley as those folks right there.” His left hand points at the billboard. “But for common folk like me, it wasn’t that comfortable.” She nods slowly, taking his words in.

“Were you scared of airplanes?”

“Not really. Not that I had that many experiences. Didn’t travel very often.” They stay in the same position for a while, just looking at the billboard. No one says a thing, both of them comfortable with just silence. “Come on, kiddo. We have to keep going.” With his hand still on the back of her neck, he presses her to walk forward. “Look. Hospital. We are almost there.” She looks up at the road sign, but doesn’t comment on it, as if she wasn’t all that excited to reach their destination.

Truthfully, he’s not that thrilled to get there either.

Chapter Text

“Be careful, the water is going pretty fast through here, wouldn’t want you to fall in.” He checks and double checks before even stepping foot anywhere, he’s not sure what the hell he’d do if any of them fell. 

“ Pssh , nothing’s going to happen.” He admires her confidence. 

“Still, be careful.” Taking a few more careful steps, he reaches a safe place. Extending his hand, he helps her get to where he is waiting. Thankfully, his reflexes are in pretty good shape, and the moment the bus she is crossing on starts to move, he is able to grab her hand and pull her up in time. 

“Oh fuck ! That was close.” His heart is hammering inside his chest. 

“Yeah, too close.” Their eyes follow the bus and it goes downstream. They are so caught up in it, that they don’t seem to hear footsteps behind them until the barrel of a gun is pointed at the back of his head. 

“Turn around, slowly .” It all feels too familiar, and it scares the crap out of him.

“Who the fuck are you?” He doesn’t do as he’s asked, his eyes still fixed on the stream of water. 

“We ask the questions here. And I told you to turn the fuck around .” Taking one last look at Ellie, who stands next to him, he makes sure she’s safe before turning around. “Hands up.” He notices a very familiar symbol on the guy’s arm, but before he’s able to comment on it or even put his arms up, the back of the soldier’s rifle connects with his head. 

The last thing he gets to hear before everything goes black is Ellie’s voice. 

“What the fuck did you do that for?”

……………………………

His head is pounding and it’s almost impossible for him to even open his eyes, but once he does, he’s met with a bright light right on his face. 

Where the hell is he? What happened? Weren’t those guys fucking Fireflies? Where’s Ellie?

Ellie. 

“She’s fine.” The voice is familiar. Too familiar. “They brought her in safe and sound.” He doesn’t know where he finds the strength, but he turns his head to the side, finding no other than Marlene sitting on a chair, staring right at him. “Gotta say, thought you two were dead.”

“We came close.” His voice is hoarse, making him cough slightly as he goes to sit on the side of the bed, his feet finally touching the floor. 

“It’s incredible you made it this far.” The happiness is clear in her voice. “I’m sorry for what happened back there, they didn’t know who you were.” He can’t stop the humorless chuckle that comes out of him. “I’ll have a talk with them.” He doesn’t give a fuck. 

“Where’s Ellie?” Marlene’s expression hardens, leaning forward. He fears the worst. 

“I told you, she’s safe.” That’s not enough for him, she knows it. 

“I need to see her.” Just by looking at her, he knows what her response will be, but he won’t take it. She knows. 

“She’s being checked out by doctors.” What a load of bullshit. 

“And I’m not asking you to tell them to stop, I just need to see her.” He’s not asking for much. They can’t just expect him to go and not ask for her, can they?

“I get you are worried, Joel. But she’s on the safest of hands, trust me.” With a bit of difficulty, he stands up. A Firefly soldier posted on the door starts to come for him, thankfully stopped by Marlene, who makes him get out of the room. 

“I don’t give a fuck . You are going to show me where she is.” The woman mimics him, only a few feet away. 

“You’ve done your part. You’ve taken her here. You’ve made sure she’s safe. I can’t thank you enough.” The sigh is long. Long enough for her to find the right words to continue. “But that’s as far as you get to go, Joel.” The nerve on the woman. 

“Do you seriously believe I’ll just walk out of here? That after all that kid’s been through, I’ll just walk away? Without even saying goodbye?” Emotion pours out of his voice, but he can’t seem to care. 

“I know experiences like the ones you’ve both been through are extremely bonding, but you had a job, and that was to bring her here. You did. Your job’s over.” With one long stride, he’s right in front of her. 

“There was no job , Marlene. I never agreed to a job. I said that if you wanted her, you had to take me too. That hasn’t changed.” The woman’s confident façade starts to crumble. “I brought her here, and it’s my responsibility to make sure she’s okay. And after all this shit’s over, I’m taking her with me. Because I sure as hell ain’t leaving without her. Not now, not after all this.” She’s taken aback by his words, and he feels lighter somehow, as if letting his emotions out got rid of an invisible weight on his shoulders. Suddenly, Marlene’s legs seem to give out, forcing her to sit back down on the chair, her face hidden by her hands. 

“There’s no after this , Joel.” Her eyes find his, he just stares. “There’s no version of this where she gets to go home with you. This isn’t some fairytale we read in books when we were kids. She’s the cure , Joel. She has the key to a vaccine .”

“So take your fucking samples and let her go.” He’s not pleading, he’s not asking, he’s demanding . 

“That’s not how this works, Joel. And you know it.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “The key to the vaccine is on her mutation. On the cordyceps inside her brain.”

The cordyceps inside her brain. 

Inside her brain. 

Her brain . 

“No.”

“I’m sorry.”

“ No. ”

“Joel-“ His eyes sting, but he won’t let a single tear fall, not in front of her. A finger points right at her face. 

“You are going to take me to her, because if you don’t, I swear to God, there’ll be no one alive in here to save you from me.” Her eyes never leave his face as she stands up. 

“I can’t do that.” 

“You can, and you will. ” He’s itching to connect his fist with her face, but he controls himself. 

“And what will you do when you see her, huh ? Take her away? You think we’ll let you?”

“You will if you don’t want to end up dead on the floor.” This time, it’s her who lets out a humorless chuckle.

“You think I care about that? All I care about is finding a vaccine, helping the world get rid of infected. That’s what’s important. If I die helping the cause, then I’ve done my part.” How can someone be so focused on an almost impossible goal?

“You are killing a kid . You are killing my kid .” She closes her eyes momentarily at his words. “You are much stupider than I thought you’d be if you think I’m just going to let you do that.”

“Helping us find the cure for mankind, you know that’s what Ellie wants. You can’t just take that away from her.” How dare she? How dare she bring up what Ellie wants?

“She wouldn’t want to die for it.”

“It’s what she wants, Joel.” 

Wants?

“What?” She wouldn’t want this.

“She gave us the okay to do it.” She wouldn’t . 

“ No .” She wanted to go back to Tommy’s. With him. “She wouldn’t -“

“I’m sorry.” He can’t remember how to breathe. His vision starts to blur. He feels like he might die. 

“Marlene, we have a situation.” He barely processes the soldier’s words as the woman walks towards the door, leaving him frozen in place.

“What is it?” She thinks her whispers will be enough for him not to hear their conversation, she’s completely wrong.

“The girl.” Ellie . “She’s uh-” He can feel his nails pinching the inside of his palm. “She’s awake.” Joel’s head shoots up just as Marlene’s eyes find him. She looks, dare he say, scared?

“I’ll fix this mess.” She then addresses him, trying to come off as intimidating. He’s seen her break slightly, it’s not going to work. “Don’t do anything stupid, Joel.”

“Take me to her and you’ll save yourself a lot of pain.” With two long steps, she’s facing him directly.

“You know I could just order my guys to put a bullet through your skull, right? I haven’t done it yet because you got Ellie here, I owe you that much. But if you keep this shit up, I’ll snap . I’ll do it myself if necessary.” It doesn’t even take him a full step forward to get his face as close to hers as possible.

“You think I care? If you end that kid’s life, I’ll put a bullet in my head myself . But I won’t go down without a fight.” The stare between the two lasts for what feels like minutes, both of them too stubborn to give in. “I’ve taken her all this way , and you won’t even let me say goodbye. That’s all I want, Marlene. If she wants to give her life for this -” he spats the word with venom “- then that’s her choice. But I’ll at least, have said goodbye. You won’t even give me that, and I think I know why.” Her breathing starts to get slightly more erratic. “You see, I know Ellie. You think I don’t, but I do. And I know , she wouldn’t agree to this without telling me herself. Which leads me to believe that you are going to kill an innocent kid for your stupid beliefs, without even asking her first. Am I getting close?” He sees her right hand slowly grabbing the gun in her holster, he doesn’t even make a move to stop her as she takes a step back and points it at his forehead. “Do it.” He can feel her shaking as the gun trembles against his skin. “Kill me and then kill Ellie. See if you can sleep at night.”

“You think you are so righteous, Joel. That you have it all figured out.” She spats the words at him, anger overflowing her. “You have no idea how much I’ve sacrificed for this. How many people I’ve lost. You think I’ll just let her walk away from here? She’s the cure , she’s the reason why I’ve risked it all. Of course I wish things were different. I love that kid even more than you do. Her mother asked me to take care of her, and I did all I could . But this needs to be done.”

“Took care of her? Risked it all for this? You have no idea what that girl’s been through. You weren’t there for her, I was . You didn’t get to comfort her after watching her almost get killed by a fucking pedophile .” Her eyes get slightly wider at his words. “She’s a fourteen-year-old kid who believed she could save the world when she thought there was a world to be saved. A couple of months ago, I would’ve believed you if you told me she was willing to die for this. Now? No way in hell .” The gun on his forehead shakes more and more each second. “If you actually love her as much as you say you do, you’ll let her decide for herself. But you are just scared.”

Chapter Text

Why can’t she open her eyes? They are too heavy. Her head hurts, but she can’t do anything about it. What happened? Where is she? Where’s Joel?

Her mind’s all blurry. She can’t remember what happened. She can’t even recall where she was. How long has she been knocked out? Minutes? Hours? Days ?

A flash runs through her head, making her even flinch. A gun. Soldiers. Joel on the ground. Hunters? No. They had something on them. A logo? Something she recognized. FEDRA? No, it wasn’t- Fireflies?

It couldn’t have been Fireflies. Could it?

Fireflies wouldn’t have just knocked Joel out. They wouldn’t have knocked her out either. Right? Right ?

“Doctor, she’s waking up.” Her eyelids feel lighter, and the light around the room finally reaches her eyes. It’s a bit too bright, and for a second, she debates whether it’s worth it to keep them open, but her need to know where she is held at is too strong.

“Find some more morphine.” Her head’s spinning, but she doesn’t care. She needs to get out. There’s something pinching her arm, and as she looks to the right, she finds a tube going straight inside her skin. What the fuck is going on? “No, no. Kid, don’t take that out.” Whoever that is, is too late to stop her. She doesn’t know if it’s the shock, the fear or pure adrenaline, but even though the room is spinning, she finds the strength to get up and stand straight.

“Where-” That strength doesn’t last too long though, and before she falls to the ground, she grabs onto the nearest surface. “Where am I?” As her vision gets clearer, she sees three people just staring at her. One of them is wearing a weird green dress with a hat and a mask. The other two are also in green, but in matching shirts and pants. “Who are you?”

“We are not going to hurt you, Ellie. You are safe here.” The guy on the dress’ tone is soft, but she doesn’t trust him.

“Where am I? Where’s Joel?” The three strangers share a look, which concerns her. “Where is Joel? ”

“He’s fine, Ellie, trust me.” He takes a step closer, which makes her flinch backwards. “Okay, okay, sorry. Why don’t we introduce ourselves, huh?” The man takes off his mask, giving her a small smile. “My name’s Doctor Anderson, I’m the lead researcher and surgical doctor for the Fireflies.” Her eyes open widely in disbelief. The Fireflies ? They actually made it to the fucking Fireflies? “I know that you are scared, the guys that found you didn’t know who you were, so they took precautions. Still, I’m sorry, that must’ve been scary.”

“They knocked us out. It didn’t scare me, it hurt me.” 

“Yeah, and I’m really sorry about that. We checked it out though, you don’t have any injuries to worry about, alright?” That is kind of a relief, but there’s something not clicking for her.

“Where’s Joel?” The man runs a hand over his face, sighing.

“I told you, he’s fine. Last I heard, he’s resting in another room.” Now that is a relief.

“I want to see him.” It’s an easy request, isn’t it? Still, she has a feeling they aren’t going to agree to it.

“You can’t.” Bingo .

“Why?” She’s too curious, Joel gets too annoyed about it sometimes, but in moments like these, she deems it necessary.

“You just can’t.” Wrong answer.

“Why was I unconscious? Why was I on a table?” Dr. Anderson closes his eyes, taking a second to breathe. She doesn’t like where this is going.

“We were trying to figure out how your immunity works.” Bullshit .

“I might be fourteen, doctor, but I’m not stupid. I’ve watched enough movies to know that me wearing this-” She points at her hospital gown. “- and having a needle inside my arm, means something else.” She needs to push him, that might be the only way to get him to talk.

“Those are movies, kid. That’s not real life.” She can’t help but scoff.

“Well then, if you were just doing tests, you can just delay them a bit so I can go check on Joel.” If the guy was a cartoon character, there’d be smoke coming out of his ears. She just smirks, knowing she’s got him.

“Go get Marlene.” The other two who just stared at them throughout the whole conversation, leave the room in a hurry.

“What were you really going to do?” She knows he’s not going to answer, but she feels the need to ask anyway.

“Medical stuff you wouldn’t understand.” Her frown is directed at him, but he doesn’t react.

“Try me.” He’s losing his patience and she knows it.

“Why don’t you leave this stuff to us, huh?” Turning around, he takes off his surgical gloves, throwing them to the nearest trash.

“Why don’t you let me see Joel?” The man’s grip on the counter tightens, she can see his knuckles turning white.

“We’ve got orders, kid.”

“ Orders . Right. You are a doctor, you are the doctor. I’m sure there’s no one above you, no one giving you orders.” His head turns slowly to the side, and their eyes stay locked for a few seconds before he changes position and rests his body on the counter, crossing his arms.

“You make a lot of assumptions, kid.” She just shrugs, not wanting to give anything away.

“I’m observant, Dr. Anderson.” Silence fills the room for a few minutes. “Is it going to kill me?” The man’s eyes find her, and she can see a flash of sadness on them. “I know what I came here for. I know what being immune means. To me and to the world. But I need to know what you need from me.” They stare at each other for what feels like hours. “If I’m going to die, I need to wrap my head around it.” The only sound around the room are the few beeps from the machines and the man’s heavy breathing.

“The mutated cordyceps are inside your brain.” He says those words no louder than a whisper, she hears them nonetheless.

“So it is going to kill me.” Dr. Anderson nods slowly, as if admitting to it hurt him. “And you were just going to do it?” Her hands are starting to tremble, processing what his words really entail. “You were just going to cut my head open without asking me first?” She feels tears filling her eyes, and as much as she tries to blink them away, they fall down her cheeks. “ That ’s why you don’t want me to see Joel.” The man’s features harden. “You know he’ll try to take me away.” Now she understands.

She knows what Joel is capable of, she’s seen it first hand. He’s been by her side ever since they first locked eyes back in the mall. No matter if she was bitten, no matter if she was going to risk her life crossing the country, he never left her alone.

He’s been her rock, her support, the only one who’s cared enough about her to actually stay . She knows what he’s lost, she figured it out one night when a faded out picture fell from his backpack. She saw a happy man holding a girl probably her age, proud, healthy, overjoyed. She’s smart enough to put two and two together.

He’s found something in her he thought lost all those years ago, and she’s found something in him she’s never been lucky enough to have. She loves him, and she’s not afraid to admit it, and she knows that he feels the same.

She knows he would never agree to this, that he wouldn’t let her die for something he doesn’t believe in, and she can’t say she blames him. They’ve been through a lot, they have no one they can trust but themselves, and after what she’s just witnessed, she’s not too sure she can even trust the Fireflies.

“I know what he’s capable of.” The man’s breathing starts to get more erratic. “If you don’t let him see me, he’ll do anything to get here. Anything .”

“There’s a hospital full of soldiers in between us and him. There’s no way he’ll get here in one piece if he tries that route.” If Dr. Anderson starts to get coky, she’ll get even cockier.

“That isn’t enough to stop him, and I think you know that.” The visible gulp he takes is enough of an answer for her. Suddenly, the door opens widely, and in walks Marlene followed right behind by Joel. Once their eyes meet, she runs straight to him, but she’s stopped by Anderson, who grabs her by the arm. “Let me go you chickenshit !”

“Jerry, that’s enough, let her go.” The man takes one last look at her and releases her arm. Before any of them have a chance to say anything, she tucks herself right onto Joel’s side, who places a protective hand over her shoulder.

“You alright?” She nods against his shirt.

“Are you alright?” Joel smiles softly as he nods, squeezing her shoulder slightly.

“Have you told her what’s going to happen?” Marlene’s voice breaks their moment, and Dr Anderson just nods, crossing his arms. She then turns to Ellie, who can’t help but give her a dirty look. She was going to let her die, she won’t forget or forgive her for that. “You came here to help us find the cure, right? You risked your life to get across the country. If you leave now, it would’ve been all for nothing.”

“She came here determined to help because she thought she’d be able to walk away after it. No one told her she’d have to give up her fucking life for this.”

“We didn’t know, Joel.” Her voice drops. “We couldn’t have known.”

“If you knew what would happen to me then, would you have told me?” There’s a sparkle in Marlene’s eyes before it gets filled with tears. “Or would you have hidden it from me? Lead me here to die?”

“I don’t-”

“You weren’t going to let me decide.” Releasing her grip on Joel’s shirt, she takes a step forward. “You were going to kill me without asking me first. That’s fucked up Marlene.” Now her eyes are filled with tears. “I trusted you. You told me nothing would happen to me.”

“I didn’t know .” She gets even closer.

“But you know now . And you still decided to let them kill me.” The woman’s tears run freely down her cheeks. “I don’t want to die.” Her whisper is loud enough for everyone to hear. She then turns around, locking eyes with Joel. “I don’t want to die .” Her arms wrap around his torso, and as shocked as he seems to be, he wraps his around her shoulders. “I want to go home.”

“Ellie-”

“We are getting out of here.” Joel’s voice is strong, even stronger when her ear is placed right onto his chest. “And you are just going to let us go.”

“Marlene, you can’t just-” Dr Anderson takes a step forward, but Marlene stops him from moving any farther.

“Okay.” If he’s shocked, he doesn’t show it.

“If you find any other way to get your vaccine, you try to find us. If not, don’t you even dare to. I won’t hesitate, understand?” As Marlene nods, Dr Anderson sits down on a nearby crate, face on his hands. “Now come on kiddo, we are getting out of here.” He makes his way to the door as she releases her grip on him. Before she follows him out, she takes one last look at Marlene.

“I’m sorry.” With the only smile she can muster, the woman shakes her head, her way of letting her know that it’s okay, that she understands. She won’t admit it, but her understanding lifts a weight off her shoulders.

As they make their way out of the hospital, with her own clothes back on and their backpacks secured once more, she grabs onto Joel’s hand, and for a minute she thinks she might never want to let go.

Chapter Text

If there’s anything he’s grateful for the Fireflies is the fact that they had cars. Thanks to them, it takes them less than a week to get to Wyoming. Finding Jackson, though? That takes a bit longer.

Eventually they run out of gas where there’s none around. Every car is dry and trying to find one with at least something seems like a waste of time. They settle with walking. They are more than used to it by now.

For the most part, Ellie’s quiet, still coming to terms with what happened at the Hospital. He doesn’t push her to talk about it, knowing she’ll come to him when she feels ready to talk. Instead, he tries to take her mind off of it, making plans for a future they are so close to having.

He knows where Jackson is. Tommy and him might’ve not been on the best of terms when he left Boston back in the day, but his brother’s not an asshole, he makes sure Joel knows he’s okay.

Knowing where Jackson is is not the problem, the problem is finding out where they are. The forest is too fucking big, and there’s no way for them to actually pinpoint where they could possibly be.

So they walk, and then walk a little more. The weather is nice, so there’s not much to complain about in that regard. They hunt for food, look for supplies and set up camp on the open country where Ellie spends her nights looking up at the stars.

All in all, it’s not a bad time for either of them. It’d be amazing if they didn’t have awful memories on the back of their brains most of the time, though. Still, they spend a quiet few days in Wyoming, blessing their good luck for not running into anyone or anything potentially dangerous. That doesn’t last too long.

“Both of you, hands up!” If he had a nickel for every time someone’s said that to him in the last few months, he’d have three nickels, which isn’t much, but it still fucking sucks. “Put your gun on the ground.” He does as he’s told, but not before shielding Ellie behind him.

“We are just passing through, we don’t want any trouble.” He looks around, a bit worried about the amount of people surrounding them.

“Any of you bit?”

“No.” The guy who seems to ask the questions, keeps his gaze locked on him, not a bit of trust in his eyes. Suddenly, he whistles, and another guy with a dog starts to approach him. 

“Last chance. That dog’ll smell you and rip you apart if you are lying to us.”

“I ain’t lying.” He’s scared shitless, but not for him. He knows he’s clean, there’s no way that dog will smell anything on him. It’s Ellie he’s worried about. The dog does his job, and once it deems him clean, he steps away.

“Now her.” 

“Look, I get that you want to be careful and all, but I’m just looking for my brother.” With both hands still up, he places himself fully in front of Ellie.

“Move.” He doesn’t answer, just staring at the man holding a rifle straight at him.

“What’s your name?” His head snaps to the side at the sound of a completely different voice. Instinctively, his hand reaches back, grabbing Ellie’s arm and pulling her closer to him.

“Joel.” No one says anything for a while and it unnerves him, but his body finally relaxes as the unknown woman talks to the other guy.

“Lower the gun, we are taking them with us.” Suddenly she turns to leave, but he’s not too happy with her answer.

“What do you mean ‘take us with you’ ?” Not slowing her pace, she just turns her head as she walks away.

“I know where Tommy is.” That’s all he needs to hear.

………………………

“Open it up!” The only obstacle between them and whatever was inside the enormous wooden wall disappears, and as soon as they get a glimpse of the inside, they walk through.

Joel steps in first, Ellie right behind him. They are both exhausted and bruised. Suffice to say, they don’t look too good. Still, no one points a gun at them, or makes them identify themselves, something they are grateful for. Before they get any further in though, someone calls his name.

“ Joel ?” His head snaps to the side and he’s frozen in shock as he lays eyes on a figure running straight to him. Without a second thought, he walks decisively towards him, almost falling backwards the moment his arms wrap around the other man.

“ Tommy .” He feels his eyes start watering. He hasn’t seen his brother in years, hasn’t spoken to him much since he left him way back when. As they pull apart, he takes a good look at him, taking him in, not really believing what he’s seeing. “It’s so good to see you, baby brother.” Tommy’s smile is contagious, and before he knows it, a wide grin has spread all over his face.

“Goddamn, Joel. I thought you were dead.” Before he has a chance to respond, Tommy has pulled him in once again, even though it’s only for a couple of seconds.

“You won’t get rid of me that easily, Tommy.” Suddenly his little brother’s smile starts to falter as his eyes lock on something, or rather someone, behind him. “Tommy, this is Ellie.” Walking away from his brother, he stands right next to the girl, clearly out of place. His hand finds the back of her shoulders, pulling her slightly forwards and closer to Tommy. “Ellie, this is my brother, Tommy.” With only a quick look his way, Ellie’s eyes are glued to the floor once again. His brother gives him a confused look, which is met by a sigh from his part. “She’s just tired, we’ve been traveling for a long time.”

“Yeah, right. Let me just-” Looking around, he raises his hand, trying to get someone’s attention. “Maria, come here please.” The woman who took them here, starts to walk towards them.

‘ Maria, huh? ’, he stores that information on the back of his head. He never knows when he might need it. 

“Guess I got the right people, huh?” Standing right next to Tommy, Maria gives him a strange look he can’t quite place.

“You knew who he was?” The surprise on his brother’s voice is prominent, but he can’t say he isn’t surprised either.

“The voice, the accent, the looks… It all clicked when he said his name was Joel. Pretty straightforward.” He guesses right then and there that Maria has to be someone pretty close to Tommy to know about him. His younger brother is not too much of a sharer, so talking about his family and his past is always reserved for people he truly trusts.

“Well, I guess we oughta thank you, ma’am.” With a slight wave of her hand, she tries to downplay it.

“I was a bit confused about her though.” She briefly points her hand at Ellie, who doesn’t move an inch. “From what your brother told me, you traveled with a woman, not a child.”

“Yeah, it’s uh-” taking a quick look at Ellie and realizing they are still too in the open, he tries to change the subject. “It’s a long story. We can talk about it later, is there any place she can rest?” Ellie’s head moves up, staring at him. “She’s tired.”

“Sure.” Maria then turns to Tommy. “The house right in front of our’s still available.” He freezes at the word ‘ ours ’. Does that mean-?

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Placing a hand on his shoulder, Tommy takes him out of his trance. “You are going to love it here, Joel. We’ve got electricity, running water, food… anything you can think of.” As they start walking forward, his hand falls from Ellie’s back, but it doesn’t take her a few seconds to grab it with her own. Surprised by her action, he steals a glance her way, giving her a soft smile which she returns.

Maria walks right in front of them as they make their way to the house. Tommy talks the entire way there about how safe Jackson is, how nice everyone is and how at home they’ll feel. Everything sounds amazing, too good to be true to be honest. But he trusts his brother, if he says they’ll be safe in Jackson, they’ll be safe in Jackson.

“So…” his brother looks at him expectantly “you and Maria, huh? What are you, married?” For a second, he thinks he sees his brother blush.

“Yeah, almost two years now.” He can’t say he’s too surprised, Tommy’s always wanted to settle down. He guesses not even an apocalypse can change that. “But uh-” scratching the back of his neck, he stares right into his eyes. “That’s not all.” Right as they get to the entrance of the house and Maria’s already stepped foot inside, he makes both Ellie and him stop. “She’s pregnant.” At this, he is surprised. “She’s a few months along, I- I tried to tell you, contacted you on the radio, but I guess you weren’t there anymore.” He can’t really say anything, not too sure what to do. “I’m just really glad you are here, Joel.” He could be an awful and bitter brother and throw Sarah’s death on his face, he would’ve done that a few years ago, but he’s a changed man.

He’s grown, he’s matured and he’s realized what’s really important. It might’ve taken him longer than others, but he’s gotten there. He’s lost a daughter, someone who he will miss for the rest of his life, but the world has given him a second chance. A second chance in the form of a fourteen-year-old who he’s vowed to protect and learned to love.

He’s not a bitter brother anymore, he’s a supportive one. So he’s not even a little bit conflicted when he pulls Tommy in for a fierce embrace, closing his eyes and letting him know how happy he is without even saying a word.

“Thank you.” Tommy’s voice shakes with emotion, and he finds himself trying harder and harder to keep the tears at bay.

“You’ll be an amazing father, Tommy.” As he pulls away, he feels two sets of eyes staring right at them, but he can’t find it in himself to care. 

“Come with me, Ellie. I’ll show you around the house, give the boys some space.” She doesn’t move right away, but after a quick nod and a smile from his part, she gets inside.

“Whatever you need, just tell me. I’ll help you in whatever way I can.” Cleaning a few tears from his face, Tommy chuckles.

“Thank you, Joel. Really. But I think you’ll have your hands full.” He stares at him with a raised eyebrow, not really understanding what he’s getting at.

“What?”

“Oh, come on. Who’s going to take care of that girl if not you?” ‘ Oh, right .’ “I saw the way she looks at you.” Dropping his eyes to the ground, he takes a few seconds to come out with what he wants to say. “It reminds me of the way-” with a small exhale, he stares at him “-the way Sarah used to look at you.” His breath catches in his throat. “Like you are her whole world.” Chuckling slightly, he hides his hands in his pockets. “If I’m being honest, that’s how I imagine my kid will look at me when they grow up.” He still doesn’t say anything, coming to terms with what he’s said. “Anyway. I’m just really glad you are okay, and I’m not asking you to tell me what happened right away. Why she’s with you and all that. Just know that I’ll be here whenever you decide to tell me.” With a pat on his shoulder, he starts to walk away, leaving him dumbfounded on the front door.

“Joel, come check this out!” Ellie’s excited voice gets him out of his thoughts, making him come to terms with his new reality.

Once he steps inside the house, he is thoroughly impressed. The place looks squeaky clean, nice furniture and all. It’s a clear contrast from where he used to live. This is a family home, not a cramped up apartment in a run-down city.

“Come on, old man!” He doesn’t waste any more time lingering around the first floor, walking straight up to her. “Look, my own fucking bedroom.” Maria looks taken aback by Ellie’s choice of words, but he’s more than used to it. “Check this bed out.” Jumping face down onto the mattress, she lets out a groan. “This is so fucking comfortable .” He lets out a quiet chuckle as he looks around the room. 

It definitely isn’t her style. Too pink, too cute, too - dare he say - girly ? He has a feeling it’s not even going to take her a day to throw most of it away, or maybe store it somewhere else. He can picture a wall full of Savage Starlight posters, science books all over the shelves and stupid knick-knacks she’s collected all throughout their time on the road.

“Yeah, it does look comfortable.” Resting his body on the small little seat near the window, he takes it all in.

“You’ve got your own room right next door. It’s a bit smaller than mine, though. Didn’t think you’d like the decor on this one.” She gives him a cheeky smile, something he’s been missing all these weeks.

“Didn’t think you’d like it either.” Scoffing, she turns around in bed, facing the ceiling.

“Yeah, well. I’m a master at redecorating. This place will look amazing in no time, you’ll see.”

“I don’t doubt it, kiddo.” An evidently fake cough ends their little conversation.

“Why don’t I show you around the house, Joel? Let Ellie start decorating.” Ellie’s look his way lets him know she wants him to stay, but he guesses Maria’s conversation is going to be important if she doesn’t want Ellie to hear. He stands up.

“Yeah, sure.” Right before he gets out of the room, he turns to the girl. “Don’t make too much of a mess, alright kid?” Still laying on the bed, she gives him a thumbs up. Closing the door behind him, he follows Maria.

“Everything’s already set. Electricity, water, anything you might need.”

“Yeah, Tommy told me all about it.” Leaning on the kitchen island, Maria crosses her arms, he decides to lean on the doorframe right in front of her. “So, what’s this about?”

“Tommy’s told me a lot about you.” His head drops slightly. He knows where this is going. “Especially about those years after the Outbreak.” He hears a shaky inhale, making him look up and meet her gaze. “I lost a kid too.” He stops breathing, he feels her do the same. “I know how damaging it is. And I know people cope in different ways. But what you had Tommy go through-”

“Go through?” His hands clench into fists. “ He was the one who convinced me to join the group. And everything I did while we were with them, was to keep us alive . Everything you judge me for is the reason why your husband is still here.”

“You murdered people. Innocent people. That has an impact on people, especially Tommy.”

“And you think it didn’t have an effect on me, is that it? That I did all of that because, what? Because I liked it?” If Ellie wasn’t just one floor above them, he’d be screaming to her face.

“I’m not saying that. I’m-”

“You are just saying that because my daughter died I went full-on rambo on everyone and everything, is that it?” Maria’s silence is the only answer he needs. “My little brother needed my help, that’s why I did those things. Not because of revenge or, or- because I turned into a maniac. He’s my brother . I wasn’t just going to sit by and let him get killed.”

“He’s capable enough, you don’t need to-” He stands up straight, anger boiling his blood.

“It’s not about him being capable or incapable of taking care of himself. I know how capable he is now . Why do you think that is, huh?” She stays silent and in the same relaxed position, and it drives him mad .

“You did what you had to do back then. I might not agree with your choices, but what’s done is done.” This time, she does stand up, walking slowly towards him. “What I won’t tolerate is you taking care of that kid the same way you did Tommy all those years ago.” He knows she’s right, but right now, he’s too angry and bitter to agree with her.

“Why don’t you worry about your family, and I worry about mine.” She doesn’t even seem faced by his words.

“Unless you forgot, we are family now. So if it involves Ellie, it involves me too.”

“Sure.” What else can he say?

“I know you care about her, that much I can see.” She lets out a sigh before continuing. “And I know you are not a bad guy, Joel.”

“Oh well gee, thanks .” The sarcasm isn’t lost on her.

“I know that as reckless and stupid your decisions might’ve been, they kept Tommy safe. I could probably say the same about Ellie. But now you are here, and every stupid decision comes with a consequence, same as with everyone and everything else. This isn’t the open wild, we have rules and we all have to follow them. No matter who you are. Do you understand?” A simple nod suffices. “Good.” Walking away, she stops right at the front door. “She’ll have the closest thing to a normal childhood here. She’ll go to school three days a week and will help on the stable for another three days. I saw how much she kept staring at those when we first came in. Sundays are off, a chance for her to make friends and all that. You’ll be assigned to patrols and construction, since I heard you are pretty good at that.” Turning around, she meets his eyes. “Here kids get to be kids, and families get a chance to live their lives the closest we’ve been able to get to the world before all of this shit started. So you better take care of that girl the way she deserves, because this is a second chance for her and for you .” Opening the door, she steps outside. “Dinner will be at the canteen in a couple of hours. We’ll save two spots on our table if you want to join us.” The door closes.

Chapter Text

“What did Maria want to talk about?” That’s the first thing that comes out of Ellie’s mouth when he opens her bedroom door. She’s still on the bed, this time re-reading one of her favorite comics.

“Oh, nothing. Just wanted me to know how things work around here.” She gives him a weird look, letting him know she knew he was lying. He doesn’t change his mind though, she doesn’t need to know everything. “Turns out, they have a school here. Which you’ll need to attend.” She sighs audibly. “Three days a week.” Groaning this time, she drops her comic on top of her face. “The other three days you’ll help in the stables.” Turning her head, the book falls to the side. “Maria’s orders, not mine. She got the feeling you’d like that job.” By the sparkle in her eyes, he knows the woman had the right idea. “Sundays are off, so you’ll get to do anything you want. Like hang out with friends, if you ever make one of those.” Grabbing the closest pillow to her, she throws it in his direction, hitting him on the leg. Her aim has gotten better lately. He grabs it from the floor.

“Shut up, old man. Of course I’ll make friends.” Sitting up, she gives him a fake smile. “Everyone will see how cool I am and will throw themselves at my feet, begging for my attention.” He lets out a genuine chuckle as he walks towards the window, taking a seat right where he was a while ago.

“Sure, keep dreaming.”

“I wouldn’t worry about me. You, though?” She eyes him up and down playfully. “Everyone will run away the second they see your face. Always so serious and mysterious.” She snorts at her own words. “It even rhymes.” Moving over to the side of the bed, she lets her feet dangle. “But seriously, Joel. You are going to need to smile more, otherwise folks around here will be terrified of you.”

“I’m smiley enough. Why would I pretend to be happy when I’m not?”

“To make people like you? Your face screams ‘ grumpy ’, I’m not sure many people will like that. They’d rather talk to someone that looks nice than someone who looks like they might just start an argument for no reason.” Scoffing, he crosses his arms as he leans back slightly. “See? That . You have to avoid that . No frowning, scoffing… you have an awful resting face too.”

“So I have to change everything about me to please folks around here, is that what you are saying?” Shrugging, she nods.

“Basically. Yeah.” 

“Well, you like me just fine and I haven’t had to do anything special.” Leaning forward, she gets even more into the conversation.

“Yeah, but that’s different. I could see through your bullshit, but that’s because I’m pretty smart for my age.” He smiles softly at that. “These people? They might not be as smart as me.” She seems to think about what else to say to convince him. “Also, you don’t treat me the same way you treat them. I’ve been with you 24/7 for almost a year. You are going to see and talk to them for like five minutes every couple of days.”

“So?”

“So, I learned to put up with you and your grumpiness after a while. But you need to get used to it. These folks won’t have that much time.” He’s severely amused at her seriousness about all this.

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this, huh?” Shrugging again, she leans back.

“I’ve had, like, twenty minutes since you left. So yeah, enough .”

“And what if I don’t need anyone else to spend my time with other than you? What then?” Scratching the back of her neck, she seems to actually be thinking about it.

“I’ll find some time for you, I guess . But my schedule may be a bit full from the numerous friends I’ll make.” As he still has the pillow she threw at him on his lap, he doesn’t have to look very far for something to throw at her. “You dick .” Before she hits him for real, he gets up.

“Come on, get ready to go.”

“Go? Go where? We’ve only just gotten here.” Laying back down on the bed, she stretches all her limbs. With both hands on his hips, he stares down at her.

“We are going to take a look around town. Dinner’s in less than two hours in the canteen and we have no clue where that is, so unless you want to get lost on our way there, I suggest we go.” Puffing, she stands up. “And, kiddo?”

“Hmm?”

“Next time you lay in bed, take off your shoes, for God’s sake.”

…………………………

“So this is where you’ll be going to school next Monday, huh?” The school isn’t all that big, not too many kids around, he supposes. 

“Unfortunately.” After she looks inside the place through the windows, she starts to walk away. Once he gets to her side, she places both hands on her pockets, kicking a small rock as she goes.

“Come on, don’t be like that.”

“Like that, like what? A teenager?” She smirks at him, he only flicks her forehead.

“A downer. What’s so wrong about going to school? It’s only three days a week, Ellie.”

“Yeah, it’s just that it’s been so long since I’ve gone to school, that…” she sighs, the smirk gone from her face. “I don’t know. I hated school back at the QZ, why should I like it now?” His hand finds her shoulder, pulling her close as they walk.

“This won’t be anything like military school.” Not entirely believing him, she scoffs.

“How would you know?”

“This town doesn’t look like the kind of place where they teach kids how to do drills and shoot guns. They’ll teach you math, science and all that stuff you seem to like. It’s only a few hours a day, and then you get to either spend time with your friends or go home. Doesn’t sound too bad if you ask me.”

“I guess.” Before they know it, they’ve made it to the canteen, where quite an amount of people are gathered.

Some shoot them weird glances, not knowing who they could be. Others don’t even bat an eye as they get inside. Taking a look around, Joel finds Tommy and Maria sitting on a table on the far right corner of the room, two seats available right in front of them, just like Maria promised.

“You made it.” There’s a woman with a kid Ellie’s age sitting on the same table. Joel takes a seat on the far end, while Ellie sits between him and the other girl.

“Yeah, couldn’t really say no to a nice meal. Right kiddo?”

“Yeah.” Tommy slides a plate towards Joel, as Maria does the same for Ellie.

“Shoot, sorry. Renata, Dina, this is my brother Joel.” Both of them give him a smile, which he returns. “And this is Ellie.” Once again, they do the same for her, but Ellie just gives them a panicked look and starts eating her food.

“Sorry about that.” Discreetly, he elbows Ellie, letting her know she should at least say something. She acts like she doesn't feel anything. “She’s kinda shy around new people.”

“Oh, don’t worry. We understand. Sometimes I wish she was the same, but Dina over here won’t stop talking even underwater.” Renata lets out a loud laugh, and as he takes a look at the girl in question, she keeps her eyes glued to her plate, clearly embarrassed.

“Well then, I guess your daughter and Ellie will get along just fine. She’ll talk your ear off once she’s comfortable enough.”

“ Joel .” She whispers angrily. He ignores it.

“Where do you two come from?”

“Boston. Long way from here.” Taking the first bite from his food, he fights the need to moan at the amazing taste.

“Oh wow. Really is. Must’ve been tough, especially for a kid her age, right?” He’d rather be talking with Tommy about something else, or rather not talk at all, but he can’t just be an asshole.

“She handled herself pretty nicely. Complained for sure, but never too much. She might look scrawny, but this one here packs a punch.” Placing a hand on her shoulder, he shakes her softly.

“Good to hear, then. I remember how difficult it was to take Dina here, and we weren’t that far away. It was pretty brave of you and your daughter to get all the way here.” Ellie chokes on her food and he freezes.

“Uhm-”

“He’s not-” She doesn’t finish her sentence, he clears his throat.

“We’re not-”

“He’s not my dad.” Ellie doesn’t even look up as she speaks. Renata gasps softly as Dina sighs.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I just assumed-” She points between Ellie and him, embarrassed.

“No, don’t worry. It’s uh- it’s a pretty common mistake.” Before she asks anything else, Tommy thankfully intervenes.

“So, how was the house? Got everything you need?”

“Oh, yeah. Everything’s perfect. Can’t wait to get back and take a hot shower. I just hope this one doesn’t waste it all before I get there.”

“Then you better get there first.” Dropping the spoon on her now empty plate, she drinks the rest of her water. “Turns out you won’t.” As she motions to stand up, he places his hand on her leg, basically forcing her to sit back down.

“Let’s mind our manners, yeah?” Looking at their companions, he notices that Renata and her daughter are deep into a conversation, while Tommy and Maria don’t even try to hide their stares.

“But I’m finished.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“That’s because you are too fucking slow, old man.”

“I’d rather not choke, thank you.”

“Yeah, ‘cause your body wouldn’t be able to digest it all so fast. It’s probably all rotten in there.”

“You are a little shit, you know that?”

“As you keep reminding me.”

“Glad you agree. First step is acceptance.”

“Never said I agree. I just wanted you to shut up. Best way to do that is to always agree. You get that ‘ proud of yourself ’ smile on your face and move on. It’s always worked.”

“Yeah, right. Just sit still for a few, got it?”

“ Yessir !” As a proud smile takes over his face, he realizes his dumb mistake. “ Gotcha .”

“Wow. Is it always like this with you two?” Tommy’s voice startles them both. His younger brother eats his dinner away with a playful grin on his face. “We are going to have some feisty neighbors, aren’t we?”

“If it doesn’t evolve into a screaming match, I think we’ll be alright.” Maria leaves her spoon on the table, cleaning any remnant of food from her mouth with a napkin. “Why don’t I walk you home, huh Ellie?” The woman stands up, grabbing her empty plate. “Grab your plate and come with me.” The girl hesitates, shooting a questioning glance at him.

“Go ahead, kiddo. I’ll be there as soon as I finish.” With his approval, Ellie stands up, following Maria’s commands.

“Don’t worry, I’ll leave you some hot water for when you come back.” With an obviously-fake smile, the teenager leaves.

“Dina and I are going too. It was really nice to meet you, Joel. Hope we see each other soon.” Giving both Tommy and him a kind smile, both Dina and Renata leave as well. 

“Guess that leaves us both old men alone now.” Without even sparing a glance at Tommy, he keeps eating his dinner. “Quite feisty that one, huh? Quite a mouth on her.”

“Yeah.” He can’t deny what’s obvious. Ellie’s got a sailor’s mouth, if it was up to her, she’d add a curse to every sentence.

“Surprised you haven’t said anything about that.” That gets a chuckle out of him.

“And you think she’d listen to me?”

“Well, I mean, she listens to you about everything else. Why wouldn’t she?” Swallowing what’s on his mouth, he leans slightly forward.

“That girl does whatever she wants. I could count with the fingers in one hand how many times she’s listened to me. The only times she does it’s because her life’s in danger. And I don’t blame her, she’s her own person.” Deciding that that’s that, he keeps eating his stew. Tommy has other ideas.

“Yeah, but you’re her-” he stops short, not really sure what to say.

“Her what? I’m not her anything . I’m just a guy who helped her out. I care about her, sure, but that’s all there is.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what you helped her with? Or is it going to be some big secret?” Resting both hands on the table, he leans back, sighing.

“I’ll tell you about it, but not today. For now-” he stands up, a groan leaving his throat before he can stop it. Fuck , he’s getting old. “- I’m gonna take a shower and go to sleep. Let’s see if the bed is as comfortable as it looks.” Tommy follows his lead.

“Anything is surely better than what you’ve been sleeping on lately.” Chuckling, he leaves the empty plate along with the other stack of dirty ones.

“Yeah, I guess you are right.”

Chapter Text

“Ellie?” He knocks briefly on her door before opening it slightly. 

“Come in.” Her voice sounds muffled by something, probably her fresh sheets.

Once he sets foot inside, he immediately notices all the little changes. There are no more boy band posters, no more pictures from those who used to live here years ago, and definitely no teddies. ‘ I’m too old for that crap, Joel .’

“I see you are settled in already, huh?” Hands on his pockets, he walks slowly towards her bed, where she’s nestled between the sheets, covered up to her chin.

“Yeah, had some spare time after dinner, and you take a long fucking time on the bathroom, so I had to do something.” Scoffing, he sits on the edge of the bed, facing her.

“I haven’t used a proper bathroom in at least a year, I had to savor it.” Chuckling slightly, she moves under the sheets, laying on her side.

“You are weird.”

“Me? I’m not the one who pretended to be an airplane any time we went downhill.” Hiding her face in the covers, she blushes.

“Shut up.” He can barely hear her, but he catches enough of it to understand. Instinctively, his hand goes straight to her head, ruffling her hair, finally out of her usual ponytail.

“Come on, don’t be embarrassed. Tommy used to be a lot weirder than you, and that’s saying something.” She takes out her hand from under the sheets only to hit him in the leg. Feisty for sure.

“Yeah, yeah. Like you were a perfectly normal little boy.” The way she tries to mock his accent, makes him laugh out loud.

“No one’s ‘perfectly normal’, kiddo. But I certainly wasn’t as weird as him, or you .” Poking her forehead with just one finger, he stands up, but before he gets a chance to move away, Ellie’s grabbed his hand, making him stop in his place. Startled, he glances down at her, who stares intensely at him.

“Thank you.” He can’t help but frown. What is there to thank him about?

“For what, kiddo?”

“For…” she glances at her grip on his wrist, moving her hand down until it grasps his. “For everything.” They stare at each other for what feels like hours, no one daring to say anything, afraid they’ll disturb this moment.

“Kiddo, I-” Sighing, he sits back down, this time resting his back on the bedhead, never letting go of her hand. “There’s nothing to thank me for.” She looks up at him with big green eyes, melting his heart each second that passes. His free hand finds her head, this time running up and down her hair. “I’m just glad you are here. With me.” Suddenly, her head is on his thigh, her arm wrapped around his leg.

“I’m just glad you never gave up.”

“On what?”

“On me .” Her words are like a bullet straight to his chest.

“And why the hell would I do that, huh?” His fingers place a loose strand of hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek in the process.

“I don’t know.” She stays silent for a while before continuing. “I just know that you had no reason to help me when we met, or to go with me to Salt Lake before or after what happened to Tess.” Her hold on his leg tightens at the mention of the woman. “You gave it all up for me, and I just don’t know how to repay you for that.”

“There’s nothing to repay, Ellie.” Looking up, she frowns, reminding him too much of himself. “This,” he motions at his surroundings before caressing her cheek once again, “this is all I’ve ever wanted.” Skeptical, she keeps frowning, which earns a lighthearted chuckle from him. “Really, kiddo.”

“ Huh .” She rests her cheek back on his thigh, closing her eyes at the continuous caresses. “Alright, then.” After a few seconds when he thinks she might’ve fallen asleep, she speaks once more. “You’re welcome then.” She giggles loudly at the soft slap on her cheek.

“Brat.”

“Dinosaur.”

“Little shit.”

“Chickenshit.”

“Dork.”

“Weirdo.” Making her sit up, he lays down on top of the covers.

“Go to sleep, Ellie.” Getting as comfortable as he can, he takes off his shoes and turns off the only light in the room. Ellie snuggles closer.

“Good night, Joel.” He places a kiss on her forehead.

“Good night, baby girl.” He’s content.