Chapter Text
There are only so many glasses of wine that one can drink alone in a home meant to be shared and filled.
Hailey holds the latest one, now empty, and feels the cool glass against her fingertips as she stares off into space.
It’s not that she is unwilling to admit that she’s not okay. She knows she isn’t.
No, it’s that she doesn’t know what to do with the fact that she isn’t okay. She isn’t sure there even is anything to be done. At least not from where she is standing.
She pauses for a moment to take stock.
Her husband left to find himself overseas. Without consulting her. And extended his stay. Also without consulting her.
She knows that he never meant to hurt her the way she’s hurting. That in his mind, this was the best plan, this made sense, that he thought he was doing this for them .
The problem is that them left the equation the moment he made the decision to leave without even talking to her. Emotionally he might love her. But he clearly isn’t open to her involvement in their own relationship.
Hailey learned the hard way and from a young age that words and even feelings mean nothing if the actions don’t back them up. Hearing your father tell you and your mother that he loves you then covering the bruises and cuts he gives you is a pretty convincing lesson in that.
No, love isn’t just a word or a feeling; it’s an action, it’s a choice made every day. It’s committing to work through all the complexities of life together and supporting each other through that process, even if the result leads to the separation of miles and oceans.
Miles and oceans, Hailey can work with.
But how can she work with someone who has locked her out of his life?
Hailey wonders, not for the first time, what might be wrong with her, that leads the people she loves to hurt her.
Is she somehow asking for it, deserving it, doing something wrong?
She catches that thought before it goes too far.
Thanks to therapy, she can recognize it as a lie from her childhood. She tries to put it aside but it’s sticky right now because she’s alone and hurting. It grasps onto her and she can’t rid herself of it. She just doesn’t have the strength.
The ringing of her phone startles her out of her thoughts, wine glass slipping through her fingers and crashing to the ground. She ignores the shards that tumble melodically around her, reaching first to check caller ID.
County Jail.
She curses the faint injection of hope that the ringing had brought her even when she knows, she knows it isn’t Jay.
No, the only person who calls her these days is a child rapist psychopath.
Somehow, her life has gotten to the point that the only person who wants to talk to her is him. The only person who wants her in the room. The only person who notices whether she is there or not, that she even exists.
What does that mean about her?
Disgust and rage bubbles under her skin and she feels dirty, so dirty .
And suddenly Hailey is moving toward the door, not bothering to pause and pull on her coat. She has to get out , has to move . When she isn’t strong enough to set aside the thoughts, she resorts to movement to forcefully shove them out of the way. She takes action. Because at the very least, she can do that.
Even if, maybe, she shouldn’t.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, do you think we should be worried about Hailey?”
Kim is leaned against Adam on the couch as the credits to a movie they didn’t really watch roll across the screen. She feels a bit hesitant to disturb the moment of physical and emotional warmth. Yet it has been bothering her at various levels for weeks and given that, now is just as good of a moment as any to bring it up because at this point, what really matters is that it is brought up.
“Huh?”
Kim elbows him, ignoring his yelped protest. “Do you even listen to me when I’m talking?”
Adam groans. “Not this again.”
He gets another elbow to the ribs for that.
“Hailey. I asked if we should be worried about Hailey. Listen to my words when I speak.”
“Oh.” Adam pulls her closer. “She’s just having a rough spell. She’ll work through it.”
“It’s been a pretty long rough spell.” Kim frowns, thinking. “And a pretty terrible one too. Even if she can work through it on her own, I don’t think she should have to.”
“Are you actually asking me what I think or just bringing this up to disagree with me?”
“Shut up.” She stands up, ignoring Adam's grumbles, unease growing as she finally takes the time to think about what Hailey might be experiencing.
Has she thought about it before? Sure, here and there. A pang of worry each time she sees Hailey’s gaunt and tired expression, a stab of concern when they all leave the office before her, night after night… but there’s always been Makayla and figuring things out with Adam and her own recovery to attend to. The marginal thoughts of worry are always that: marginal, the space quickly taken by whatever more urgent matters inevitably rise up.
But now, given adequate space, the worry grows.
“We probably should have done something. Said something. I should have said something. I should have checked in earlier.”
“She’s your superior officer, it makes sense that you…” Adam is sitting up now, the unease that has been needling Kim now dawning upon him.
“No, it still doesn’t make sense, not for any of us. We don’t do that. We don’t just let one of our teammates struggle alone like that.”
Adam rakes a hand across his face, expression thoughtful. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”
“Damn right, I am right. First thing tomorrow, I’ll work on getting her to talk to us.”
“It’s not going to be easy, Hailey is…” Adam trails off.
“Yeah.” Kim presses her lips together. They’ve both had firsthand experience with how incredibly stubborn Hailey is. “But I think I can get her to open up. She needs help. It’s all over her face. She can’t do this alone. I couldn’t, when I got shot.” She stops pacing, coming back to the couch where Adam’s arms are waiting to receive her. “Tomorrow. I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
“And I’ll be your backup.”
Kim smiles and lets him kiss her. They’ve gone through their share of rough patches, well more than their share, but Adam has finally stepped enough for her to believe that he really could be a partner, not just at work, but in life.
Her smile fades slightly.
Who is left to be Hailey’s backup and partner?
Tomorrow . Only a few short hours away. Tomorrow she will tell Hailey what they should have all said weeks and weeks ago.
They’ve got her back. No matter what. And Kim won’t just say it, for herself or the team, no, she’ll make sure they all back up that statement with action.
It’s what teammates do.