Chapter Text
It was Colin Bridgerton's birthday and it was a big one. He was 13 years old today. He was tired of always being treated like a kid. But now that he was officially a teen, his brothers would have to start including him. And tonight, he'd have his first boy-girl party.
As he finished getting ready, he heard a familiar knock at the door.
"Hey, Colin!" Penelope exclaimed as he opened the door. She held up her camera and the flash stung his eyes.
He had gotten in the habit of walking with his friend Pen to school. Even though she was two years younger, he had always felt a close kinship to the red headed girl across the street.
"Pen, please. No more pictures." He tried to speak gently. He didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings, but it made him feel awkward to be photographed so much. And Pen took at least 5 pictures of him every day.
"Come on. It's your 13th birthday. We gotta document it." She put her camera out to get a selfie, so he bent down to make sure they could both be in the frame. She was adorably short.
As they got to the school, he saw one of the more popular guys in his grade surrounded by a few of the others in the in-crowd. He had been doing his best to get in that group and he was close, he could feel it.
"Hi, Ber-Ber!" He jogged up to them, Penelope following close behind.
"Hey, Colin!" Ber-Ber's expression turned mocking as he looked at Penelope. "Hi, Carrots; how are the rabbits at the farm?"
His jaw clenched. He hated that Pen was getting bullied, but he really wanted to be included more at school.
"Rabbits aren't even supposed to eat that many carrots. That is just something that Bugs Bunny made people think because they made a reference to Clark Gable and people were too dim to get the reference."
At least Pen was strong and smart; she'd be alright.
"I'll meet you out front after school." Pen murmured to him before heading to her classroom.
"See you later, Pen."
"So Colin, I told Marina Thompson that me and the rest of the Five Guys were going to your party. And she said she wanted to come too."
He had had a crush on Marina for ages since she moved to town two months ago. "Really?"
Ber-Ber nodded solemnly. "Yeah, it's too bad we can't make it, because we really wanted to. But Miss Measly's up our butts with this group project, and Marina is gonna help us out, so I guess she can't come either."
That's when the lightbulb went off as he yelled out, "I could write your report for you!"
After school, he met Pen out front like usual, but she seemed to be preoccupied about something.
The silence was broken when she let out a sigh, "You know, I can't believe you invited those clowns. The Five Guys are not your friends, okay?"
"Well, someday I'm gonna be a Five Guy."
"Colin, there can't be a sixth Five Guy. It's just mathematically impossible. Besides, they're unoriginal."
"I don't wanna be original, Pen, I wanna be cool."
She stared at him before digging her hand in her backpack and pulling out his favorite candy. "Want some Squashies?"
His mouth watered, but he had to remain strong. He wasn't a kid anymore. "Squashies are for kids."
She put several in her mouth and grinned. "Exactly."
The raspberry and cream flavors filled his mouth as he chewed on a handful.
"Arrivederci." Colin waved as he got to Pen's door to drop her off.
She waved back, "Au revoir."
He walked across the street to his house to get ready for his birthday party. He looked in the mirror, trying to flex his arm muscles when his brothers and mother came into his room unannounced.
"Happy birthday!" his family all shouted
Tell us about your new life as a teenager.
"What are you doing Col? Are you flexing?" Anthony teased.
"You know you have to build muscles to be capable of flexing any" Benedict added with a chuckle.
"Get out!" he yelled, slinking onto the bed, as his mother scooted his brothers out before coming back and sitting next to him.
"Oh, Colin, it's going to be alright."
"It is not, Mom! Look at me! I'm weak. I'm nothing like the kinda guys that get the girls in the movies."
"You don't look like the people in the movies cause you're still a kid dear. I'm sure you'll have plenty of opportunities to get the girls later."
He picked up the magazine he'd been reading earlier and recited the title of one of the articles on his mind. "Thirty, rich and rogueish. Why the 30s are the best years of your life. I wanna be 30."
"Well, you will be, honey. But right now you're my sweet 13-year-old."
His mother kissed his forehead before allowing him to finish getting ready.
About a half hour later, he heard Pen had arrived. Coming down the stairs, he waved hello as he took in the wrapped present in her hands.
Holding it out to him, she beamed. "Happy birthday!"
He couldn't wait to open it. Pen always got him the best gifts. As he tore it open, he saw a leather bound journal, some old maps and a compass.
"Pen, this is amazing!"
A blush bloomed on her cheeks. "I'm glad you like it Colin. I know how much you want to travel. And I hope that these are helpful when you do."
"Thank you so much!"
"Oh, almost forgot. Wishing dust. It says, 'This wishing dust knows what's in your heart of hearts. It'll make all your dreams come true.'" She poured some of it over the journal.
Just then, he heard the doorbell ring, and his palms became sweaty, worrying about how the party would go. "Oh, my God. Pen, I'm just gonna put this away, okay?" He put her gift in his closet. He didn't want to have to worry about the Five Guys saying anything about it.
Opening the door, he was filled with excitement that the Five Guys had come with Marina and a few other popular girls in the class. "Hi, guys. The party's downstairs."
"We thought it would be a party for us teens. Why is Carrots here?"
"Pen, maybe you could hang out with El for awhile?"
Her face fell. "Yeah, of course."
"See you, loser." Ber-Ber sneered. "Hey, I have an idea. Let's play Seven Minutes in Heaven! You can go first, because it's your birthday.
He was embarrassed, he hadn't ever heard of that game. "How does that one go, again?"
Ber-Ber was happy to explain as he put the blindfold over Colin's eyes. "Well, you go in the closet, and some lucky girl is gonna go in there and do whatever she wants with you for seven whole minutes. And Marina said that she wanted to go first."
His palms became even more clammy.
"Before I forget, where's our project proposal?"
"On the table."
"Thanks. Remember, no peeking. Keep that blindfold on."
After a few minutes passed sitting in the closet, he became worried that he had done the game wrong. But then he finally heard the closet door open again. "I thought you weren't gonna come."
When there was no response, he figured Marina was just being shy. He reached out his hands, "Come here."
The touch of her hand in his sent electricity coursing through him. "Oh, Marina."
"It's not Marina, it's Pen." Her voice was trembling as he tore the blindfold off.
"Pen? What are you doing here? Where's Marina?"
"She's gone. Everybody left."
He turned on her. "What'd you do?"
Pen was crying now as she screamed back "Nothing!"
"Get out!" He slammed the door of the closet, rocking back and forth on the floor.
"Wait! Colin, let me talk to you! Just come out please."
He put the blindfold back on, wanting to block out everything. "I hate being 13. I wanna be 30. Thirty, rich and rogueish. Thirty, rich and rogueish." The sounds of Pen's voice faded away.
His parents must have found him asleep in the closet and moved him to bed because instead of the hard floor of the closet, he woke up lying on a comfortable bed.
Moving the blindfold out of his eyes, he looked around the room. He had expected to see his Freddie Mercury posters and yellow bedsheets, but he saw nothing but dark browns and grays. That was weird.
"Mum?" Why did his voice sound like that? He knew his voice would change when he hit puberty, but he wasn't prepared for that drastic of a change.
"Mum? Dad?" He looked around for anything to be familiar and found nothing.
What he did see was himself in the mirror, wearing joggers and nothing else.
The more surprising part of that was, he had grown at least a foot, his wavy hair had grown longer, his cheeks and jaw were chiseled, and he had gained the abs and arm muscles he had always wanted. What is going on?
Eventually, he found a stack of mail with 'Colin Bridgerton' on the front of them. He must live here.
He quickly found his phone to call his parents. He needed to talk to them. Unfortunately, he got their voicemail. "Hi. Sorry we missed your call. Well, not that sorry, because we're in the Caribbean. We'll be back on the 30th, so call us then. Have a good day."
He tried to think of the best way to describe this insane situation he'd found himself in, but all that came out was, "You went on a cruise without me?"
This must be a really weird dream.
At that moment, a thin blonde woman appeared at the bathroom door in nothing but a towel.
"Hey, sweet bottom! Where's the conditioner?"
"You're naked!"
"Well, not yet. You could join me if you want." The woman took her towel off as she headed back into the bathroom, so he saw her bum before he could close his eyes.
This whole thing was crazy. He put on the first shirt he could find, grabbed his shoes and wallet, and ran out of his flat as quickly as possible.
"Colin? Move your arse!"
The brunette man seemed to know him as he gestured to him to join him in the cab. The man continued talking on the phone. "I don't care if you have to grab him by his testicles, I want him in London in 5 hours. He needs to be at the party. Hold on a second." The man turned to him again, "Get in the car, we're gonna be late."
"I don't get in the car with strangers."
"Why the fuck you being paranoid?"
The woman popped her head out of the window of the building, "Sweet bottom!"
He didn't recognize this new person but he knew in his gut he'd rather go with this guy then have to deal with that lady.
"I know I'm your best mate, but what did you do last night?"
So he was a friend of his; that was good to know at least. Maybe his friend would be able to help.
"See, that's the thing. Something really strange is happening. I slept in an apartment I've never seen before, and there was a naked girl in my shower. And I saw her bum."
"Oh, God. Not her bum." His new friend replied dryly.
"Wait, listen to me. I'm 13."
"Colin, if you're gonna start lying about your age, I'd go with 25; it's less creepy." They had come to a stop outside a tall building and got out of the car.
"I know it sounds strange, but–"
"You drank too much last night, mate. Just calm down, okay? We have a meeting in 15 minutes and I'd rather not have Will's foot in the ass. Repeat after me: I am Colin Bridgerton, bigtime magazine editor."
"I am?"
"Repeat it."
"I am Colin Bridgerton, bigtime magazine editor."
"I'm gonna walk into that office, I won't let anyone know I'm hung-over."
"But that's not the point. I'm not hung-over." At the man's waiting stare, he gave in. "I'm gonna walk into that office and not let anyone know I'm hung-over."
"Because the future of Global Traveler Magazine depends on me."
"Really?" He couldn't believe it. That was his dream job growing up for his favorite travel magazine.
"Fife! Bridgerton! There's the dynamic duo!" So his new friend's name must be Fife. That's a weird name. "I trust my executive editors are late again because they were out promoting us at parties."
"You got it, Will."
Will. That's his boss. At least he was catching on to who was who.
A short graceful South Asian woman appeared beside him. "Is there anything you need from me before your meeting, Mr. Bridgerton?"
"You mean like a favor?"
She looked at him quizzically. "Sure. Like a favor. If by favor, you mean anything in my job description as your assistant."
"I need to find someone in London. I have her number." The young woman nodded and took the paper with the number he scribbled down.
"Seven months in a row now, they've scooped us." His boss gesticulated to the covers of theirs and a competing travel magazine, Where.
"Will, we're installing passwords. We're building firewalls on all the computers. Colin fired Charlotte yesterday."
"Did you?" He felt strange about the idea of firing someone, but if his friend Fife said he had, he must have. He nodded silently, hoping that was the right call.
Apparently it was. "I guarantee she has friends at Where. She always took notes."
"She was a secretary." Fife replied, slightly irritated.
"Our party tonight is now huge. We need to make an unequivocal statement that GTM is still hot and happening. Now, we need a newsstand circ analysis done immediately. I also strongly suggest we take apart our F.O.B., overhaul the B.O.B., think about new heads, decks and slugs. Colin, what do you think?"
He had literally no idea what the last sentences coming from his boss meant, so he raised his hand, asking "Can I go to the bathroom?"
As he left the room, there was complete silence until Fife said in explanation, "Colin's hungover this morning" followed by sounds of understanding from his boss and other coworkers.
He walked as quickly as he could to his office, shutting the door and taking deep breaths. On his desk, he saw a picture of himself next to the think blonde woman from this morning.
"It's the naked girl."
He jumped up, startled as his assistant came into the office. "Here are your messages. And your mother called from Barbados–"
His face fell. "My mum called? I wish you'd told me."
"I thought you said never to bother you with family calls?"
He swallowed, feeling extremely confused and uncomfortable. "I said that?" he whispered.
She wrung her hands. "Please don't fire me."
He hated that he was making anyone feel intimidated or scared. "No, no, I won't. It's not your fault. I just forgot that I said that. Next time my family calls, let me know." He finished with a reassuring smile.
Returning the smile tentatively, she took her notebook out. "Oh, I have that information that you asked for."
He reached out for the opened notebook eagerly, "Penelope!"
"The phone number you gave me was her parents'. I told them that I worked for Visa and she's in a lot of trouble."
"You lied to the Featheringtons?!"
His assistant looked at him like he was crazed. "She's in Bloomsbury. 21 Gower Street, number 7."
"Thank you!" He grabbed the paper with Pen's address, running out the building. If anyone could help him, she could.
Colin got in a cab, giving the driver the address and waited anxiously to arrive. Finally, he arrived outside her flat.
After a few insistent knocks, the door opened to reveal a short red headed beautifully curvy woman with the same kind sapphire blue eyes she had always had. "Penelope?"
"...Yeah?"
A smile stretched on his face. "You're so short still. But all the same, you're different, apart from your eyes and your hair."
"I'm sorry. Who are you?"
His smile faded. He was sure she would have known him. She was his best friend. "You don't know me, Pen?"
Once he called her by her nickname, realization seemed to dawn on her face. She said slowly, "Colin Bridgerton."
"Yeah Pen, it's me!" Rushing in, he scooped her up in a hug like he always had.
"Colin, put me down!" He did as she requested immediately, looking sheepishly at her. She sighed, "Come on in."