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Mikey was having a bad week.
No, scratch that, for how it’s going on now, it was just a bad school year, the same as the others.
He started the 11th grade a couple of months ago, and it was going worse than how he wanted it to go. He entered hoping that something could change this time.
He could be able to keep up with his classes.
Maybe he could be able do his homework when he was supposed to, instead of just managing to do the bare minimum at the last minute.
Getting up in the morning when he knew he was supposed to go to school was hard because he was already behind and knew that even if he went, he wouldn’t understand much. Because he was behind on the material, again.
“Come on, Mike, we’re running late,” Leo said as he knocked on his door.
Taking a deep breath, gathering up every small part of the energy that he had and he got up.
He quickly picked up all of his schoolwork from his desk, as well as picked up the discarded bottles of energy drinks, noticing at the end of 10th grade that the only way that he could stay focused, for at least a couple of hours, was caffeine. Working better when it was nighttime, so he wasn’t getting much sleep recently.
It usually worked fairly well, somedays he got stuck on the mindless scrolling of his phone, or said ‘I’m just going to do a sketch real quick’ and ended up filling 5 pages of his sketchbook, plus new ideas for a comic.
It was frustrating, every time he tried to sit down and study, there was always a barrier, something that just seemed to buzz in his brain every time he had to focus on something that he didn’t enjoy. He always needed to do something else, something that actually may catch his attention. He hated it because he knew that the fact that he was being irresponsible was nobody else's fault but his.
He would have so much time to actually do the things he enjoys, with a peaceful mind, if he just did it.
When he had homework, it was difficult to go and do it, because, in the back of his mind, he always knew that it was going to be ten times harder based on the simple fact that he was behind on the material. So, he unintentionally ends up pushing it.
It was extremely weird, but he could describe the feeling, he even sketched it out before. It was like that part of himself that always says ‘We have to do this! It’s important’ it’s muffled by a bubble, and he’s just standing on the outside watching it.
He knows it’s there and knows what it’s saying, but he can’t bring himself to move.
He took a deep breath, and brace himself for the day. It was Friday so he just had to get through the day and he could come back and take a nap.
But he knew it was going to be hard, he could already feel it. He felt nothing. He was numb to the little voice trapped in the bubble that was pulling a messy list of all the things he had to do. He wanted to care, god, he wanted to care so much and he did! But he had these days where he just… didn’t.
And it scared the shit out of him.
He went on with his morning routine as normally as he could. Thinking how he could maybe avoid any confrontations about his mood. Raph had already left with his Dad. He had been working in the dojo since graduating high school last year. Not wanting to go to college, he’s been giving classes in his father’s dojo and taking courses to eventually become a personal trainer. It was a bit of a relief for him because he didn’t think Raph would have believed his “I’m fine!” and avoid his usual mother-hen mode.
With the twins is a different story; Donnie may be a little easier to avoid, but he knew Leo would notice. It has always been that way. Somehow he just knew when Mikey wasn’t feeling good. So he would just try to delay the inevitable as much as he can, at least until he feels better.
He finished getting dressed and went downstairs to the usual bickering of the twins, which lifted his spirits a little bit.
“Morning, Angelo,” Said Donnie while filling his purple thermo with coffee.
“Morning guys!” He put on the best smile he could while grabbing some of the breakfast Splinter must have done before leaving.
Leo had his mouth full of his own waffle. A thing that didn’t stop him from giving him a side-eye.
He swallowed and Mikey prepared himself for whatever thing his most observant brother could say to him.
“Morning Mike, you feelin’ ok?” He said neutral, but he could see the slight worry in his big brother’s eyes.
“Yeah! I’m just tired. I wanna take a nap coming back from school.” It wasn’t a lie and he thought that would be enough to get Leo off his back.
Leo seemed to believe him and hummed before getting back to his breakfast.
They finished their breakfast and after a quick rock-paper-scissors game, Leo drove the three of them to school, which was great because they didn’t need to take the bus, but it also meant that any of them had any extracurriculars, the others had to wait.
“So, brethren, someone has anything on schedule?” Asked Donnie from the passenger seat.
“I do have my first-aid course, it’s only one hour today though” Leo was working on his curriculum for college applications, as he wanted to go to med-school.
“I don’t think I have anything, but I’ll just go to the art room while waiting for you guys.”
“Sounds good, I don’t have anything either, but I can get some work done. Leo, text when you’re done with your thing and if you stay flirting with Usagi I swear we will leave you.”
Mikey couldn’t help but snort when he noticed the immediate red appear on his brother’s face. He was thankful for his brothers, these were the type of things that made him feel a little bit lighter on days like this.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Leo said, the nervousness in his voice obvious.
Donnie simply gave Mikey a look that made him giggle.
“By the way Mikey, I have a project that should be done this weekend, it’s looking boring so I was thinking if maybe you could help me with that,” That made Mikey perk up a little bit more, he loved when Donnie let him paint his projects. “We can do that on Sunday, given that tomorrow Raph said we were going to the amusement park”
“Sure, Dee!”
They kept talking during the rest of the ride, and Mikey took a deep breath, glad to feel the heaviness in his chest lighten.
Leo parked the car and he received his mandatory hair ruffling from his older brothers before they went their separate ways.
Mikey sighed - he’s been doing that a lot today - and went to his math class, already missing the calm environment he was in just a couple of minutes ago.
He opened his notebook and genuinely tried to follow, he put his 50 min timer on the focus app on his phone, as a way to keep that distraction away.
He wasn’t bad at math, and he always had that satisfaction of getting a problem right, but he could only kind of enjoy it when he knew what was going on. After noticing how the whole thing depended on the previous topic (which he was behind in) he gave up and started doodling.
The heaviness in his chest and head, a horrible mix of guilt, frustration, and exhaustion, settled again and he sighed again knowing this day was going to be long.
During the day, it seemed to go downhill, he had his most boring classes that day, which included chemistry and physics, which he followed for a good second before he zoned out and suddenly there were twenty more things on the board and he wanted to smack his head on the table.
The only subject he wasn’t really behind was English, his last class of the day, so he saved his energy drink for the simple boost of concentration so he could at least pay attention in, at least, one class that day.
It went fairly well, he even managed to answer a question!
“Okay guys, remember that the essay that I assigned earlier this week is due on Monday, it’s pretty long so I don’t recommend that you guys leave it as a last-minute thing.”
…What?
He took out his phone and started rooming through the app where he writes down all his schoolwork and when he didn’t find a thing the realization hit him like a brick.
He forgot to write it down.
He had plans with his family that weekend! Raph had finally agreed that the four of them plus April, could go to the amusement park, and he wanted to paint Dee’s project on Sunday, knowing his brother was going to take most of the afternoon.
Quickly checking the topics for the essay, he immediately could tell it was going to take time to get it done.
Donnie and Leo passed through his mind, they wouldn’t be mad, but he has bothered them so many times with late homework and they had enough on their plate already. Leo was studying more than ever to keep his grades up and for his entrance exams for college. Donnie has his projects and curriculum for his college applications.
His mind started to spiral, that bubble of urgency exploding in his mind, not only thinking about the essay and his brothers but also remembering how behind he was in classes, his late assignments, and the test he had the next week. He felt like he was choking.
The bell rang and he shoved his stuff into his backpack and quickly went to the back of the school, he needed to calm down.
He went to an open green area in the back of the school, where people usually went during lunch, but it was pretty much empty at the moment.
Dropping his bag, he sat down behind one of the trees and tried to calm down. Counting on his mind and trying to ignore the tears that fell from his eyes.
There was nothing he hated more than feeling like this, his thoughts went around his head bouncing like balls, clouding any coherent thought he may have and making him want to cry.
It took him a little while, but he managed at least to have a bit more clarity.
He took out one of his notebooks and wrote down his list of homework for the next week, and forced himself to focus on that one essay, writing down the topics.
Taking a deep breath, he looked at the list, the visual of what he needed to do helped him to decrease the overwhelming feeling. He did a little schedule on his head, he could do this. He just had to focus.
He tried his best to ignore that voice in his head that reminded him that he has done this before, writing down his to-do list, and the schedule, stuff he has done hundreds of times before.
And how he still managed to screw up every time because he just couldn’t stop pulling the rug from under his own feet.
Mikey picked up his stuff and got up looking at the time, Leo should have just started, so he should have between 45 minutes to an hour, depending on if his brother’s course extended to after the hour, which happens sometimes.
Repeating to himself that he had to focus, he started walking back into the school. Knowing himself, he was bound to get overwhelmed again if he worked by himself, so he decided to look for Donnie. He wasn’t gonna ask him for help unless absolutely needed, but they could just work on the same space.
It was weird, but it works most of the time. Mikey knows that Leo also struggles with procrastination, so sometimes they have study sessions in the living room, each doing their own thing, but together.
And he knew that having Donnie by his side would work as a kind of silent pressure that could keep him focused for at least enough time. If he could get done with the research and at least a little bit of the first draft, he could work on the rest on Sunday.
Not even five minutes later, he was in front of the computer lab, where he knew his big brother hid when they had to stay after school hours.
“Hey Don,” He said, entering the room and closing the door behind him.
His purple brother looked up from his computer and gave him a confused look.
“Hey Mikey, I thought you were going to the art room?”
“I wanted to, but I have things for next week and we have a full weekend” He tried to sound as nonchalant and casual as he could. Being vague about the matter on purpose. “I didn’t feel like going to the library, so I thought that I could maybe just do homework here?”
Donnie’s gaze seemed to analyze him for a good second before smiling softly and turning back to his computer. “Sure, I don’t see why not.”
Mikey smiled and sat back on one of the chairs, sitting relatively close to his brother, but still keeping the distance that he knew Donnie liked to have when he worked on stuff. He took out his computer and notebook with his notes and started to work, smiling when he noticed how his brother started to play their joined playlist from his computer.
Using that little burst of energy that came from that happiness, he took a deep breath and started to work.
Neither of them said much during that time, Mikey making an occasional question to Donnie when he got stuck or found something he didn’t understand. He was getting excited, from the satisfaction caused by him getting some homework done.
He could feel it; he was finally in the zone.
On the rare, extremely rare, occasions where his body and his mind were on the same page, he had this sudden clearance, no matter what was he studying, no matter what he was doing, it will be done as long as he stayed in that “mental space”.
The only problem is that it was delicate, extremely delicate. He usually avoided having to do anything else when he was in that space because he knew that the moment his brain focused on something else, there was going to be no way to get back to it.
But he was actually getting some work done! He was halfway through the research part, if he could just finish this now-
*ping*
“Oh, Leo is waiting for us, let’s go”
POP
The bubble popped and suddenly, reality was back.
“Mikey?”
He blinked and tried to down that disappointment and frustration that just seemed to want to explode.
“U-uh, yeah, yeah. let’s go” Mikey put his stuff back on his backpack and put it over his shoulder, trying to ignore the weird look that Donnie was giving him.
On the way to the car, he excused himself to run to one of the vending machines and buy another energy drink, if he wanted to finish at least 50% of the essay that day, he was going to need it.
Mikey did his best to ignore the tired pressure in his brain, that was screaming at him to go to bed.
The twins were talking quietly when he reached the car and gave each other a look before Donnie took the keys and drove them back home.
“So, how was your day Miguel?”Leo asked.
“Meh, it was boring, nothing really to report” It was getting harder to act like nothing was going on. “How was your class?”
Mikey pretended not to see that look between the twins before Leo started talking about his class.
After getting home, Mikey went directly to his room and took a deep breath before entering, trying to keep himself from giving in to the strong need to throw himself in his bed, but he knew from experience that if he gave in now, he wouldn’t get up.
He took out his laptop and the energy drink and got to work.
It went fine for a good 30 minutes.
After that, words just started to mix up, he had to read a paragraph at least three times to understand what it said. He couldn’t think.
No, no, no, please, please…
The more he tried to keep going, the more overwhelmed he felt, he wanted to be able to just do something, he knew he was completely capable of doing the work, if he just focused he wouldn’t have this problem.
Mikey closed his eyes, no longer able to keep the tears from falling. He hated it, he hated feeling like this, being like this. Why couldn’t he just focus?! He was so tired but his brain was laughing at him. Why would you be so tired, if you haven’t even been doing the only work you’re supposed to do?
A hand on his head made him react, looking up to find Leo looking at him with sad but understanding eyes.
Not being able to lie anymore, he just launched himself into his big brother’s arms. Feeling Leo keeping a tight hold around him just made him cry harder, hiding his face in the crook of his brother’s neck.
“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay, big guy” He whispered while rubbing his back, and rocking side to side very lightly. Something that all of them did out of Raph doing it for them when they were little.
Mikey doesn’t know how much it took him, but he eventually was able the breath more easily after some coaching from Leo.
“How about we take a break?” Leo’s voice was quiet and calming.
‘I’ve taken enough breaks’ it’s what he wanted to say, with how he simply forgot to write the damned thing down, and even if he had, he knew in the back of his head, he would have procrastinated the damn essay anyways.
But the energy to do so simply wasn’t there, the numbing feeling coming back at full force, so he just sighed and nodded against his big brother’s chest.
Leo picked him up as if he weighed nothing and started walking towards the living room. Usually, it bothered him when his brothers picked him up or treated him like a baby. This was one of those times when he didn’t mind it.
They sat down on the couch, Donnie joining them after a couple of minutes, living the tray with three cups of hot chocolate on the small table in front of them.
He was almost completely leaning against Leo, but when Donnie sat down, he was suddenly being hugged between the both of them, making him want to cry all over again.
“What’s wrong Mike?” Leo asked softly. Having his head resting lightly against his own.
He couldn't help to hesitate, but Donnie’s hand took his own, squeezing it once, and rubbing it slightly with his thumb. His brothers wanted to help him, and he didn’t have the energy to lie about it anymore, not like they would let him.
“I-I’m behind on my classes” Mikey felt his eyes fill with tears all over again. “It always happens, I fall behind because I can’t stay focused in class. It’s so frustrating! I want to catch up, I want to do my homework in time, but it seems like if it isn’t something I’m actually interested in, my brain puts a barrier that just doesn’t let me do it!”
Once it came out, he couldn’t stop, his eyes focused on his lap and not being able to look at his brothers out of shame.
“It’s so frustrating because there’s no one else to blame than me! And I know you guys wouldn’t mind helping me, but I’ve bothered you so many times with my late homework and you are busy enough, you are preparing for college! I’m 17 years old, you shouldn't be taking care of me like this anymore! I should be able to handle my own responsibilities at this point and I hate that I know that I can, I know that I can do it but for some reason I just DON’T. It makes absolutely no sense, it’s ridiculous!” Mikey let out a wet laugh, not a single piece of humor in it.
The twins could only see their brother get angrier by the second, as he cried. They had a hurt looks in their eyes when they realized how mad their little brother was at himself.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you guys like this anymore-” He was cut off by the twins hugging him tight once again, he just started to sob, holding his brothers close to him.
“God Mikey no- no, no. Please don’t be sorry about this” Leo started “You would never, in the history of ever, be a bother to us. You’re struggling and this is something that is causing you stress and pain. Whatever thing causes you to be like this, is important.” His voice was firm but soft at the same time.
Donnie separated himself from the hug and took one of his hands.
“Mike, Leo is right, even if it pains me to say it” Mikey couldn’t help but snort at the comment as his purple-coded brother caressed his cheek and gently wiped his tears. “You’re so smart, creative, and capable. You surprise us every day with that amazing and intelligent brain of yours and If you’re struggling, it means something is going on, and whatever it is, we will help you through it. No matter what.”
Donnie looked him in the eye, while the youngest looked for any sign of annoyance or anything that would indicate to him that they were lying.
He found nothing but the kind eyes of his intelligent brother.
Leo held him close and placed a kiss on his head.
“You’re not alone in this little brother, we will figure this out, together.”
He had a strong feeling in his chest, but in this case, he recognize it as relief and happiness, the relief that came from the reassurance that he wasn’t alone, that he could maybe work this out with his family by his side.
“Thank you guys” His voice was almost in a whisper.
“No problem Mike,” Leo said while rubbing his back in a calming way. Mikey closed his eyes, enjoying the moment. “By the way, don’t think I didn’t notice the stupid amount of energy drinks in your room.” And the moment was gone.
He couldn’t help but giggle. “I have no idea what you’re talking about”
Donnie snorted at the comment, while Leo raised an eyebrow at him, clearly trying to seem as serious as possible but failing.
“I’m saving that lecture for later,” His blue brother said while rolling his eyes.
“Oh, and Mikey,” Don said, squeezing his hand again to get his attention.”You were doing a great job with the research part of your essay earlier, I’m sure we can finish it on Sunday and still have a good amount of time to paint”
Mikey wanted to cry all over again, but he tried to blink the tears away and squeezed Donnie’s hand back.
“I’ll really like that, thanks Dee”
The nice moment was interrupted by the opening of the door, and heavy steps walking down the hall.
“Hey, guys! I brought pizza, Pop’s went to have dinner with Big Mama again, which, ew. And you won’t believe what-” Their big brother froze when he saw them in the living room, his gaze softening and analyzing the three of them. “What happened?”
Raph looked at him before looking at each of the twins back and forth, looking for an explanation. He honestly hated when they did that, even if it was a silent conversation between older brothers, as they always said. He was still right there!
“I had a bad day Raph, but I talked to Donnie and Leo, and they’re helping me figure it out.” He smiled at his brother, happy when he noticed that it wasn’t as difficult to smile as it was earlier.
With a look that promised that they would all talk about this later, Raph understood that it wasn’t what he needed.
So he just set the pizza on the table and opened his arms, not doing anything but staring at them with a smile that promised trouble.
“Raph, what are you doing-?”
“Raphael, don’t you dare!”
His biggest brother just started falling forward, causing the three of them to scream.
Raph obviously didn’t put his whole weight, holding onto the back part of the couch and still one foot on the ground, but that didn’t stop Donnie from screeching bloody murder, and Leo to complain about his hair.
Mikey just laughed, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in the whole day.