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“Here hyung.” Jeongguk places some of the steamed vegetables on Namjoon’s plate without properly looking up from his own. He is physically unable to- he’s starving and while they have been eating for a while now, it still feels like there’s a black hole somewhere in his stomach. God, he needs food.
Preforming did not use to tire him out like that, Jeongguk thinks sometimes. These days it feels like he could devour an entire pig right after getting off stage and then another cow once they get back home- all in one sitting, no help. He’s no longer a growing boy, his go-to excuse back when they started out to get the hyungs to feed him, but a growing alpha- that’s got to count for something. In fact, it might be that whole new alpha physique thing catching up with him; or maybe he’s still adjusting- whatever, Jeongguk is ravenous!
Thankfully, the managers have caught on to his appetite and have started to order them truly insane amounts of take out after shows. The first time, Jimin said something stupid like: that it was a shame to waste that much food and how they couldn’t possibly eat all of it, but then Jeongguk taught him better.
He could eat all night honestly, if they would let him. They don’t of course, but after shows is one of the few times no one gives any shit about their diet and Jeongguk- well, he’s going to take advantage of that fact very thoroughly, thank you for asking.
A piece of chicken catches his eyes, juicy and perfect looking, right in the middle of the container that’s closest to Jeongguk. None of the others have seen it yet, too busy wolfing down their own shares, so Jeongguk snatches it up quickly. There’s the perfect amount of spice on it too- his mouth waters. Yum.
“Ah, is there anymore chicken?” Taehyung asks in that moment, looking through the sea of white stereo foam and plastic containers on the table. There used to be three filled to the brim with chicken, but these have been stacked to the side a long time ago, empty.
“I don’t think so.” Yoongi says, speech a little garbled either from fatigue or food stuck between his teeth (who can tell?) “I wanted some too, but it’s gone. We should order more next time.” A hum of agreement. Chicken is always in high demand between the seven of them.
“Ah, shucks.” Namjoon mutters from his place next to Jeongguk. He’d been eating quietly so far, but now he’s pouting, his plush lips pushed out. They are a little greasy from the food and Jeongguk can only stare for a second before he snaps to attention.
“Have mine hyung.” He whispers, picking up the last piece he’d just secured for himself and dropping it on his hyung’s plate.
“Ah, really? Thank you Gguk-ah.” He gets rewarded with a bright smile, dimples and all and well, what else could he need? Not chicken apparently.
Jeongguk tries really hard not to preen; however from the way Jin and Hobi are judging him across the table, he’s only semi sure that he was successful, but who cares? He made Namjoon smile. He, Jeon Jeongguk did that.
And the thing is: yes, Jeongguk usually hogs his food and would rather bite off one of his hyung’s hands than share what is rightfully his... but he can always blame that on the alpha instincts kicking in (it’s not the instincts- Jeongguk just hates sharing his food, it’s always been like this; but as the maknae he never had to, so he’s never learned to do it and really: who’s fault is that?! The hyungs should have taught him better when they had the chance. Expecting him to do so now, just because he did not turn out to be an omega seems incredibly rude and honestly- not. His. Fault.).
Sharing this chicken is just- they worked hard today and none of them more so than Namjoon, so he deserves the extra protein, is all. A fluffy blanket too, now that Jeongguk thinks about it- or maybe he’d prefer an ice pack? Jeongguk should check..
“Yah. Jeonggukie.”
“Huh?”
Jin rolls his eyes. “Pay attention, will you?” he does not sound truly upset, does not smell it either, so Jeongguk knows it’s safe to tease.
“Sorry, old man.” He quips between taking bites of his veggie and noodles, cheeks stuffed full. It’s not quite chicken, but he’ll live. Jin doesn’t take the bait for once, most likely tired just like the rest of them (he is the oldest after all- Jeongguk should remind him of it again later), but neither does he tell Jeongguk what it was he should have been paying attention to, so he goes back to eating.
Still, Jeongguk also keeps an eye out on the couch- he can see their nicest fluffy blanket from where he’s sitting and he’ll be damned if someone tries to snatch it up before he can offer it to his Namjoon-hyung.
Dinner wraps up fairly quickly after it’s been made apparent that there is no more meat, which is just on par for the lot of them. There’s a pun about acting like hungry wolves in there somewhere when Taehyung starts whining about how he needs to sustain himself and clearly- only meat can do that, but none of them pick up on it.
Or rather, they all do, but can’t be bothered to say it out loud, which just goes to confirm how beat they all are after that show. Thanks to the little break they had when Jeongguk presented they’d had to reschedule their Seoul concerts (not his fault) and instead of using the off time to practise the hyungs had been relaxing (understandable, he would have too- but ultimately their own fault, so...), so now everyone is sore and tired.
Yoongi slinks off into his room first, quietly like he does after an exhausting day and today, Hoseok follows shortly after, yawning. The rest of them decide to let some random animation play in the background while they huddle on the couch, Jimin almost in Taehyung’s lap while Namjoon and Jin clean the table and then join them.
Jeongguk has the blanket ready for when they do, barely waiting for Namjoon to sit down before he has it wrapped up around his leader snugly. Said leader blinks a little confused, most likely because there’s a sudden influx of their combined scents and the soft texture all around him but does not complain.
He looks really cosy like that, Jeongguk thinks and can’t help the happy little smile on his lips. It’s only now that he can relax back into the cushions as well, knowing that Namjoon is safe, tucked in and not in any imminent danger of freezing to death (who cares that it’s April and not nearly cold enough to freeze to death, huh?).
It’s hard and quite frankly unnecessary, to focus on the TV when they are sitting so close together. It always makes Jeongguk space out a little bit and he tries really hard not to lean any closer- he knows how prone to getting scent drunk he still is. But it’s almost impossible to help himself when his hyung smells so much like home and comfort and every single good thing in the world. Obviously that would be distracting.
And the thing is: Jeongguk makes it a point not to lie to himself- like, where would be the sense in that, right? Lying to oneself requires a lot of effort and he just really can’t be bothered. He’s not the type to poke at something to make it hurt, cause that’s just dumb, but he definitely does not shy away from facing his own uncomfortable truths.
And so, over the years, Jeongguk has learned to live with himself well. Sure, there are some things he’d change about himself if the option ever arose, but he doesn’t beat himself up over his shortcomings and imperfections either, because there is simply no point.
Take his skin for example: he knows that it’s not the best. There. Easy, simple. Knows that he has to put in a lot of work for it to stay somewhat clear and follow a strict skincare regiment or it’s only a matter of days until he starts breaking out.
It’s fine- not ideal and certainly not what he would have picked for himself if he were-say- in a SIMS generator with himself as the SIM, but he made his peace with it (now that he thinks about it, all SIMS have carefully bright skin without a blemish in sight and that makes a person wonder, doesn’t it? Is it just because the texture would be harder to program, or do SIMS live in a world free of skin issues? Jeongguk files that thought away for later exploration.)
Anyway: The same went for his presentation. Jeongguk had been a late bloomer in every sense of the word. Again: he would not have picked that for himself (it would have saved him a lot of pain and teasing and whatnot) but in the end: it is what it is. No need to talk around it or gift wrap it. And even now that he finally has presented, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s 24 and still growing into it. The alphaness and all that.
He’s new to a whole lot of it (everything really- because it’s a huge difference to see something happening to your hyungs and observe it as a bystander, or go through it yourself first hand, so really- people need to cut him some slack!), but that’s okay. He knows he’ll grow into it. And he is getting better, no matter what Jimin says. He’s no longer aggressively scenting every single one of his items (or bandmates *cough*) and has gotten a lot better at regulating his response to new smells and situations. Take that, Jimin-ssi.
And so Jeongguk makes it a point not to lie to himself. Accepts the things he can’t change, does not deal with them exactly, because eww feelings, but lives with them well. The biggest of which would be:
Jeon Jeongguk is in love with Kim Namjoon. There, a fact. Pretty much like: the grass is green, the smock in Seoul is eventually going to kill them all and well, he’s in love with the most wonderful human being he ever came across pretty much since the moment they met roughly ten years ago. Just.. facts of life, yanno?
There’s no need to talk about it (and doesn’t he know it... he tried, once, many many years ago with Hoseok, who was tipsy and would forget about it all by the next morning (he did) and as expected the only answer he got was “aw, a crush. How sweet Jeonggukie”, which yeah, did not help at all.), no need to act on it either.
Jeongguk is content just loving the leader of his life, as he so aptly called him once (on camera too- he’s really not being subtle, damn) and getting to be in his orbit. Just being with Namjoon every day is beyond lucky and being someone the older considers a friend is truly a small wonder in itself. Being packmates... well- honestly it’s something that still baffles Jeongguk if he spends too much time thinking about it, so he tries not to do it too much (makes him cry sometimes okay? Fine, shuddup Tae!).
And since he’s being honest with himself on the topic, Jeongguk knows that most people would react something like Hobi did: deem it a crush or puppy love or whatever- and that’s okay too. It’s not like they need to understand.
Some others would argue (and hey, some of his older friends did; only they’re not his friends anymore, would you look at that?) that Jeongguk having feelings for Namjoon is some sort of biological response due to long-time exposure or whatever, only that Jeongguk was still a pup back then, so how would that even work?
It all pisses Jeongguk off sometimes (when he tries not to think about it, but still does), because it implicates that:
- Jeongguk is too young or naive or whatever adjective one would come up with, to know his own feelings. Like he hasn’t examined them for years and knows what the hell is going on inside his own head and heart - he does. Just to make that clear.
- Namjoon is not the love of his life, which- blasphemy? It’s honestly surprising to Jeongguk that not more people are bending over backwards to be with his hyung, because he’s amazing and perfect and .. well.
- He’s only in love because he’s overwhelmed or scent drunk; or because alphas can’t help themselves sometimes, which really: is just a very shitty and old-fashioned stand on sub-gender if you ask Jeongguk (he paid attention to what his hyungs told him, so he knows a lot about that) and pisses him off the most. Because sure, Namjoon smells great (no one better smelling around, true), but that’s not something that creates love. Not the love Jeongguk is talking about anyway- it’s real love, not some stupid hormonal reaction, thank-you-and-bye.
It’s been ten years- from back when they were both unpresented idiots and sure, Jeongguk can admit that it was a crush at first maybe. But it became so much more over time that he doesn’t count it like that anymore, not when it’s so much more.
It went the natural way: a crush, admiration, then real life and seeing the other person at their worst and when that still doesn’t change anything about your feelings, well that’s love, right? Seeing the person you love irritated, snappish, tired beyond words, sad, despairing and still going ‘that is the most beautiful soul I have ever seen’- yeah, miss Jeongguk with that puppy crush bullshit.
It’s been ten years of loving and living with Namjoon and Jeongguk could not think of a single better thing to have happened to him (that’s saying a lot too, considering that he did go on and become a member of the biggest pop band in the world- and he loves that, loves it so much, but without his leader? Yeah, he wouldn’t have done any of it).
He thinks about it at random times like these, when they’re snuggled together on the couch. Thinks about other things as well, obviously: about how lucky they are to have what they do, to have each other- a pack much tighter knit then they could have dared to hope. The love of their fans, millions of people wishing them well and cheering them on. It’s overwhelming. But there’s also the most recurring thought, and that is simply how blessed Jeongguk has been to meet Namjoon- everything that followed after was just a bonus.
The TV is still playing when Jin bids them good-night around a huge yawn. One that Jeongguk mirrors. He’s dead tired too and can practically hear his bed calling out to him from down the hall, but he stays rooted where he is, bleary eyes watching the room instead of the TV.
“Go to bed Gguk-ah. Your neck will hate you if you fall asleep on the couch.” Namjoon regards him warmly, but there’s a little tilt to his lips that suggests amusement. He’s so pretty like this, in the low lights of their living room, one side of his face illuminated by the blueish hue of the TV and the other bathed in warm yellow from the low kitchen lighting.
In his drowsy state, Jeongguk wants to reach out, just touch his skin a little and make sure he’s not just imagining the wonderful person in front of him, but he refrains, even if it’s barely. It doesn’t help that his hyung smells content and utterly at ease in a way he so rarely does outside their home and all Jeongguk’s brain can think about is getting closer, scenting and relishing in that contentment before it inevitably gets wiped away by the stress of the outside world once again.
“Ah, hyung.” Jeongguk smiles at him. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Of course I worry about you.” Namjoon replies, a little teasing. “Alpha you may be, but I will always worry about you.” Then he’s back to serious. “Not because I think you can’t take care of yourself, I hope you know that. But because you are part of my pack.” Jeongguk melts a little at the addition, because trust his hyung to be thoughtful like that.
But it’s the truth. Jeongguk knows it, their entire packs shares the former sentiment and have not stopped telling him about it either. An alpha now, but always their pup first.
Jeongguk likes it that way of course. The power of being the youngest is something he will never give up on by his own free will and on most days he does not mind being called a pup or treated like one either. But there are exceptions of course: and Namjoon is the biggest one- Jeongguk really wouldn’t mind being less of a pup in his leader’s eyes, which is ironically just how things play out most days.
“Well, go on then. I’m still good here.” Jeongguk teases back. “Maybe worry about those two as well.” He adds with a toothy smile, gesturing towards where Jimin and Taehyung have drifted off, heads leaning against each other. Tae is even starting to drool a little and if they let them stay like this, Jeongguk is sure that the drool will end up on Jimin’s temple in no time- the disadvantage of being the smaller person in this position.
“Aish. I always tell them not to fall asleep watching TV. It’s like no one in this pack listens to me.” Namjoon complains, a fake pout pushing his full lips out even more. It’s so cute that Jeongguk wants to scream into a pillow and then maybe bench-press a few hundred kilos just to feel like himself again.
“Of course we listen hyung.”
Namjoon shoots him an unimpressed stare and rolls his eyes.
“Sure you do.”
He starts to stand, dropping the blanket on the couch and rolling his shoulders to get some mobility back, before waking the two nappers and gently shooing them to their rooms. Taehyung doesn’t even open his eyes as they make their way across the living room, still leaning heavily against each other. Jimin doesn’t look much better, but somehow they manage to navigate the space without bumping into anything.
“Go to bed too, alright?” Namjoon confirms, before waving and disappearing down the hall as well. Jeongguk hears the door latch softly and then he’s alone.
He waits for another minute, just to make sure that everyone’s in their rooms where they belong before he too stands. The blanket that he’d given to Namjoon is a favourite in their dorm because it’s so soft and usually, it belongs in the living room for everyone to use. But Jeongguk can’t help himself when he snatches it up and presses it to his face, inhaling deeply.
The smell is familiar of course, he knows it so well at this point. But like this, it’s almost straight from the source, incredibly potent and strong in a way he rarely has the chance to experience. He’d been able to smell people before of course, but the presentation changed just how much he can smell now and it’s still overwhelming sometimes. So Jeongguk feels very little guilt as he takes the blanket with him to his own room.
It’s rare that these occasions arise- the opportunity to get his hands on something that smells so utterly like Namjoon. If he were an omega, gathering scents for nesting purposes wouldn’t be worth mentioning- but he’s not an omega and he’s not nesting, so asking for a scented item would make him look suspicious. Especially if anyone were to ask why he only wanted Namjoon’s scent and even worse: what he planned on doing with it.
That is his own naughty secret, one he’d never (ever!) share with any of his hyungs.
Jeongguk locks the door of his room when he enters, blanket pressed firmly to his chest. He hadn’t planned on getting off, but the faint buzzing under his skin is still present and the blanket was the sign he needed to treat himself, so that’s what he’ll do.
He drops the blanket on his bed, ignoring the inner voice that reminds him how creepy he’s being in favour of getting rid of his clothes. They fly neatly into the hamper when he throws them across the room.
Somehow his dick already got the memo and is filling out just from the scent of the pack alpha in his room and the anticipation alone. Again: Jeongguk doesn’t make it a point of lying to himself and has come to realise (only somewhat shamefully) that ever since his presentation, nothing gets him off faster than stuffing his nose into something that smells like his hyung.
He ought to feel bad about it, he knows; but it’s not like that much changed- he’d gotten off to the thought of Namjoon even before he presented and really- what does the added layer of scent change, really? (He still feels bad about it sometimes, feels even worse because he knows that he’s not the only one- that there are lots of fans who probably do the same thing and that he’s a friend, a pack mate, and should be better than those strangers... the fact that he’s not is hard to come to terms with sometimes.)
But maybe the wrongness also adds to the excitement. Jeongguk’s body is flushed, tingling all over as he just stands there, breathing in deeply. The arousal thrums under his skin, simmers low in his belly and pools at the base of his cock.
Slowly, he crawls onto the bed on all fours, nose pressed to the linens. His body is impatient- wants it hard and fast and a little nasty, but his mind urges him to take his time, enjoy this.
He ends up somewhere in between, fisting his cock with his legs spread obscenely while he pants into the blanket that smells like the only person in the world he would want with him in this situation, but that never will be.
It’s not completely right- the friction is good but Jeongguk wants moremoremore, wants to bury his knot somewhere and clench down on something at the same time- it’s all very confusing and distracting, so he whines annoyed that his head is running circles instead of just blanking out from pleasure.
He doesn’t notice the orgasm coming before it’s already on him, cock throbbing and squirting out long ropes of milky white that get all over the bed and his hand and stomach. There’s no knot swelling, only a tiny bump but Jeongguk still grips it tightly while he rides his peak out, still cumming.
There’s a lot of it now- another biological alpha thing that takes getting used to and Jeongguk mourns the fact that he will have to clean all of that up eventually, but that’s a problem for later; when his breathing is back to normal and he can sneak into the shower.
For now he just rolls to the side, careful to avoid the mess he made and closes his eyes, mind still swirling with the aftermath of his arousal. Jeongguk tries not to pass out right away, but the after-show crash is hitting hard now, so he tells himself to rest just for a moment. Just one..
Presenting as an alpha had honestly not been on Jeongguk’s bingo card for life. Looking back, he still thinks the odds were unlikely. He’s seen the signs in others, was present for all the presentations of his hyungs (with the exception of Jin-hyung, but he doesn’t count) after all, but never in a million years would he have picked them out on himself.
It didn’t help that as a true late bloomer the doctor’s predictions had come true and it’d hit pretty much one day out of nowhere, hard and fast. It had been a honestly lucky coincidence that Jeongguk had been in a car with all beta employees coming back from a solo schedule when it started and that they had been smart enough to rush him into a medical centre before things got too out of hand.
Because it had gotten out of hand. Really out of hand at one point. They had to subdue him and all, which still makes Jeongguk flinch when he thinks about it too much, so he doesn’t.
It’s not uncommon per say for alphas, but still: he likes to think that he has better control of himself under other circumstances. Well. Maybe next time. If there would be a next time. The rut suppressants are going to be a steady part of his life until they have a break in schedule that will allow for him to get off them safely and go through a planned rut. No nasty surprises on that end.
But Jeongguk likes to think that he’s grown into it fairly quickly, all things considered. Those were the perks of being the last one to present in a pack- his hyungs have not only been insanely patient with him, knowing full well that the changes of the body and the mind took it’s toll and therefore also being a little more lenient with him.
No: Jeongguk also had his role models to look to for guidance on this new part of his life. A smooth transition all things considered. And he’d exceeded all expectations with his adjustments. No super weird things happening to him (except for that one thing- The Incident. They don’t talk about it.).
And while Jeongguk might not have counted on being an alpha, he now thought it suited him just fine. There were tons of clips circulating on the internet of interviews were he’d been asked what he thought he would present as, back when they were rookies and every single stupid question the interviewers could come up with had been fair game.
It’s unavoidable in their position that things get documented like that and while it’s terrible to see your past self under any circumstances, there’s something even worse about a teenager decked out in heavy streetwear with plastic gold chains dangling from their neck and awful hair answering these kinds of questions. Jeongguk makes it a point not to watch them.
But he knows of course, remembers, what he answered- way back then (he really wants to act nonchalant about it, but these clips make him full-body cringe).
“An omega.” He would say, smiling for the camera in that open way their media team had coaxed out of him in endless sessions, because no matter how many time he did this, Jeongguk was still shy. But hiding your face during an interview was a no-go, no matter how cute you were, so he’d been trained to look straight ahead and reply. And he’d meant it, too.
It’s actually the sincerity that makes it worse, Jeongguk thinks. He’d been so goddamn sincere with that particular answer.
As a teenager (before the media circus had started) he’d never cared all that much- there was nothing to care about in the first place, was there? Presentation happened and no matter what people claimed, there was no way to tell beforehand. Just- part of life, nothing to it.
Then he’d joined Bangtan and well.. he’d met Namjoon too, so of course a guy would dream about the future. And of course young Jeongguk had pictured himself with his hyung, who’d presented shortly before their debut and naturally a very young and naive Jeongguk had thought that in order to be with their leader, he’d have to present as an omega- it was stupid and societal pressure (he knows that now) but for a few years there, Jeongguk went around dreaming of presenting as an omega and spending his first heat with his Namjoon-hyung.
Present Jeongguk would really like to smack past Jeongguk over the head for these kind of idiotic thoughts, but alas. As if his sub-gender would change anything about his feelings- or Namjoon’s (or lack thereof, but who’s getting into semantics now, huh?.) for that matter.
It took a while for Jeongguk to learn that same gender and same sub-gender relationships were an actual thing that was possible and well, then he saw Namjoon backstage with another alpha once at a music show, so he relaxed on the presentation fixation and forth hence only answered the question of what he hoped he would present as with a shrug and an endearing smile (which is totally different to his shy one, just so you know) and mumble something about the joy of waiting and surprise.
One thing Jeongguk hates about his new alpha status is the fact that his nose has gotten even more sensitive than it was to start with and it’s really been fucking with him. Before, it had taken three people (or one Jin-hyung) a good ten minutes to wake him up in the mornings. These days, he wakes up because he can smell the food cooking in the kitchen and his stomach demands he go check it out because while they ate well last night, there is always room for more.
So, Jeongguk gets up at some ungodly hour waaaay before noon – a travesty- and trudges his way into the kitchen to see what Jin and Hoseok are cooking up (yes, he can smell it’s them when he leaves his room).
“Mo’nin hy’ns.” He mumbles, eyes still mostly closed and navigating solely based on muscle memory until his shin meets the counter of the kitchen.
“Oh Ggukie. What are you doing?” Hoseok asks, sounding like he’s suppressing a laugh.
Jeongguk answers with a grunt that could mean anything, he’s not too sure himself, but at least his tired body is already loading up a plate. He’s ravenous, but something stops him from eating. Instead, Jeongguk beelines for the bedroom hallway again.
Behind him, Jin and Hobi are saying something, but Jeongguk is too focused on not spilling anything to pay attention- and his ears are not the best. Now, if his nose could pick up sound, that would be another matter altogether.... it would also be weird probably.. imagine catching a cold and....
He knocks on the door in front of him without recollections of how he got there. A shuffle from inside, a small curse and then the door swings open to reveal Namjoon, who looks more awake than Jeongguk might have ever been. He’s still dressed down though and clearly clambered out of bed to answer the door, so Jeongguk feels validated in his... worry? He’s not even sure what made him come here, but he thrusts the plate towards their leader with a small yawn and a ‘Eat well!’ before turning tail and setting about getting his own plate. God, he really is hungry.
“Where did you wander off to, huh?” Jin asks when he comes back and by now Jeongguk is awake enough to return the scrutinizing look.
“Forgot something.” He replies, easily and starts loading up another plate, for himself this time. The hyungs watch him, a little bemused, but otherwise blessedly silent. It’s not like Jeongguk could explain his train of thought anyway. Just- Namjoon is prone to forgetting to eat when he’s holed up in his room on rest days, so obviously Jeongguk had to make sure he ate. It makes perfect sense in his head but he’s not sure he could translate that thought into words, so he doesn’t even try.
Instead he fills his plate and then his belly with breakfast and is done by the time Taehyung emerges from the bedrooms in his favourite pyjama set, all ruffled and possibly even less awake then Jeongguk was when he first came in (which is saying something and fine- maybe Jeongguk gets why his hyungs were laughing at him before- it does look a little ridiculous).
“Morning Taetae. Sleep well?” Jin asks and Jeongguk takes the window of opportunity to casually slip his plate into the sink without washing it and slink back to his room. He’s not one to mind chores usually, but every once in a while he does things like this to keep Jin on his toes- the golden maknae he may be, but he’s also their favourite brat and one has to work for that title.
They won’t be picked up until much later in the day, so Jeongguk considers getting a nap in before he starts washing up with his belly full now, but he gets derailed once again when Namjoon meets him halfway out of his own room, the plate Jeongguk brought him empty in his hands.
Somehow, Jeongguk feels his chest puff out apropos of absolutely nothing at the sight.
“Ah, thank you Jeonggukie, for the food.” Namjoon smiles at him and the thing in his chest flips at the sight.
“’s nothing hyung.” He means it too.
“Did you make it?” Namjoon asks and huh- well, he didn’t but maybe he should have? Actually, that sounds like a very smart thing to do. He’s decent enough in the kitchen, isn’t he?
“No, Jin-hyung did.” He replies absent-mindedly, already thinking about what a nice breakfast could look like tomorrow. He’ll need to text one of the managers to get him ingredients and probably set his alarm a little earlier than he would like, but that’s fine. He can do it.
Before Jeongguk is aware again, he’s back in his room, typing away his ideas into the note app. He’ll look at recipes later- after that nap.
The second shows are always much easier when it comes to preparations, because things are running more smoothly. Soundcheck aside, there isn’t too much to do and the atmosphere is way more relaxed among them and the staff than it was the day before.
Or well, normally they are. Jeongguk, for some reason feels on edge and he’s not sure why. The waiting room is spacious, there’s food and water and their stylists are setting up while the members are doing their own thing close by, so really- everything is fine. Only it doesn’t feel fine.
Annoyed with himself, Jeongguk starts his warm up. It’s too early and he’ll have to do it again closer to the show, but all this energy needs to go somewhere before he starts doing something stupid, so work out it is.
He’s just stared on his plank when his nose starts twitching. There’s something in the air (which is just stupid- there are lots of things in the air; countless scents and smells, no matter how much nasal desensitiser he uses for these occasions) that.. just doesn’t feel right. It tickles his nose like the smell of vinegar would and Jeongguk has to break his plank in order to rub his nose and will the oncoming sneeze away.
As he does, he scans the room for the source and it doesn’t take long at all to find it in his favourite hyung, who looks a little dejectedly at his own feet. Jeongguk is up before he even makes the conscious decision.
“Hey Namjoon-hyung. Are you okay?”
“Huh?” he looks up, brows furrowed, but relaxes when he sees it’s Jeongguk. “Oh hey. Yeah it’s fine.. just. Never mind.” He shoots Jeongguk a smile and it’s honest, so Jeongguk lets it go. “Just thinking too hard.”
“Aw, hyung don’t do that. You’ll hurt yourself one day with how much you are always thinking.”
“Aish. Who raised you to be a brat like that, huh?”
“Jin-hyung did.” He replies earnestly and they both cackle.
“He sure did. Remind me later to tell him off for that.”
Jeongguk fakes an offended gasp (not nearly on the level of Jin’s dramatic ass but hey! Jeongguk is trying his best) “Hyung, are you really comparing me to Jin-hyung? Wow, that hurts.”
They both know it’s bullshit so when Jin comes over after hearing his name they’re both quick to tease him, which easily extends to Jimin and Taehyung joining in and then Hobi is there laughing on the side-lines and Yoongi joins in with his own dry commentary and soon enough they are a huge ball of idiots tussling with each other and really- Jeongguk is so fucking happy in moments like these, surrounded by his all time favourite people.
He does catch Namjoon talking to their stylists later, from the corner of his eyes, pointing at his feet again and looking a little uncomfortable but by the time he makes it over, the conversation is done and he has no subtle way of asking what that was all about, so he doesn’t. Personal growth.
Soundcheck goes well, all of them excited to see ARMY again so soon. Jeongguk hovers a little in Namjoon’s vicinity and earns himself a bemused look or two, but it’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before. They’ll get over it.
When they change into their stage outfits and start warming up for real, Jeongguk sees Namjoon flinch a couple of times as he moves around and that really does nothing to help him focus. Something is very obviously up, something is wrong and he needs to fix it right now, before they go on stage and Jeongguk won’t have the opportunity to talk to anyone for over two hours.
“Woah, what’s got you so riled up?” Jimin appears out of nowhere and drapes himself over Jeongguk’s back.
“Eh?” Jeongguk is only half paying attention. He was just about to go over to Namjoon and talk to him again- maybe he’s hurt? God, should they postpone the concert? Is there even time?
“I said” Jimin pinched his ear now and well, that does get his attention because, ouch! “Why are you so stressed? You smell terrible.” He smiles teasingly and sure, normally Jeongguk would go along with that but- Namjoon might be hurt, so really? No time for Jimin wrestling.
“’m fine.” He says, moving to get away, get to their leader and fix this, goddamnit, but Jimin got a hold of his wrist and no matter how much Jeongguk likes to tease him about his height there is some serious strength in that tiny body.
“Well, you ought to calm down, no matter what it is. Before the hyungs smell it on you.”
That comment does give Jeongguk pause. He doesn’t want to cause even more stress, but his skin is itching with the need to do something and he’s not even sure how he would and ...
“Woah there. Easy.” A hand settles on his nape and then the comforting smell of home settles over him like a weighted blanket. Namjoon doesn’t really scruff him, but the promise is there and that settles something in him he hadn’t even noticed come loose.
“You okay Gguk-ah?”
Jeongguk nods. He is now. “Yes alpha.”
Namjoon answers in a rumble deep from his chest. “Alright. Everyone can calm back down now”
Vaguely, Jeongguk notices that the rest of the pack has gathered around with expressions ranging from curious to worried and that makes him feel a little bad; he’d made them worry after all... but at the same time he knows that it’s not his responsibility anymore. Alpha will fix it.
And he does, because of course he does. One by one he draws them in, the comforting rumbling never ceasing, and they scent like that, huddled together and pressed close so all their scents bloom in the vast room until it all smells like them- just like home.
“So.. what brought this on, huh?” Namjoon eventually asks, when the stress has disappeared from all their scents and they are nothing but a mushy pile of happy smelling limbs. Jeongguk is smushed tightly to his side, nose buried in a broad shoulder with Taehyung plastered to his back and Hoseok and Jin sticking to his sides.
“You’re hurting.” He mumbles, eyes still firmly closed.
“Eh? I’m not?”
“Saw you. Your feet hurt, don’t they?” Jeongguk is sure of it.
There’s a small silence in which all the others shift, probably to look up at Namjoon who has frozen.
Namjoon huffs in disbelieve “You really are something else, Jeungguk-ak.” He sounds soft when he says it, so Jeongguk thinks it must be alright to keep his eyes shut just a little while longer.
“Are you? Hurt, hyung?” Jimin questions and Jeongguk can practically hear the pout in his voice when he does.
“I have some blisters from last night, I think my shoes are a little too tight. But I talked to Hyejin-ssi and she’s getting me some of these blister patches so I’ll be good.”
“Oh.” The sound escapes Jeongguk, relief washing over him. That’s.. okay. That’s actually really okay, it’s something that can be fixed, easily too. It’s certainly not ideal- shouldn’t have happened in the first place (why hadn’t he been paying attention yesterday?? Idiot!) but now that he knows what’s happening it can be fixed.
“Shall I go? I can get you patches for your feet!”
The tight circle of their pack opens slightly- no longer outright cuddling but rather gathered close now, so he notices the way all of them look at him like he’s grown a second head. Namjoon just looks stumped.
“But.. Namjoon just said Hyejin-ssi was getting some. Are you okay Gguk?” Yoongi asks in his usual soft demeanour. Not angry, not accusing, but confused. Concerned maybe, not that that would make more sense to Jeongguk but somehow they all look at him like that.
“Yeees.” He answers slowly, like speaking to a child. “But she’s not here, is she? And Namjoon-hyung needs those patches before we go on stage in..” he glances at the clock “Ten minutes. So ...”
Yoongi stares back at him much in the same way- like Jeongguk is the person who’s just not getting it.
“And where would you magically find those patches?” he asks when Jeongguk doesn’t budge. Okay, well that is a good question. Obviously, Jeongguk does not have any ready- which is highly annoying now that he thinks about it. Why doesn’t he? It suddenly seems like a minimum requirement to have some ready in his bag.
His lips purse and his brows furrow.
“Alright. Before we all go down that path once more, let’s keep getting ready. As Jeonggukie pointed out, we have to be on stage soon.” Jin swoops in, trying to school his face into something cheery, though he too looks concerned.
The rest make noises of agreement and slowly disperse, but Jeongguk can’t bring himself to leave Namjoon’s side, so he hovers. If their leader is annoyed he doesn’t say but he keeps shooting glances at Jeongguk that the younger can’t interpret.
Their stylist appears with just five minutes to go and quickly patches Namjoon up. Again, Jeongguk hovers, tries not to stare too obviously but he winces at the angry red sores on the skin when he spots them.
Some part of him wants to just grab the offending shoes and throw them out- in fact he barely holds back from it but dancing barefoot on stage isn’t an option either so he grits his teeth and deals with it. Somewhat.
“All good hyung?” he can’t help but ask as they gather under the stage. Namjoon smiles back.
“All good.” He confirms.
And Jeongguk is a professional. He’s been on stage almost as many years as he’s been off it (if you count out the years he couldn’t even walk, never mind dance in the first place the equation tips significantly into: more years on stage so Jeongguk thinks he is justified in his way of calculating), so he focuses on his performance. He does not watch Namjoon from the corner of his eyes, because that would be rather unprofessional. Nope, he does not.
Maybe he glances over once or twice. That’s it. And his hyung is doing well (he always is!) but there is a stumble to his feet occasionally that is not typical for their pack alpha no matter how many youtube videos declare him the clumsiest member or whatever (Jeongguk does not watch these kind of fan compilations. He does watch another kind though, but that’s between his browser history and himself- and maybe their internet provider..) so he really can’t help his worry.
In fact Jeongguk discovers that it’s literally not in his hands- apparently his body has made decision for him and the worry and anxiety crawl under his skin in a way that is completely foreign to him. The exertion of performing is already sending his blood rushing through his body, he’s sweaty and hot all over but there is the additional feeling of wrongness that he just can’t shake.
God, they really should have done something about the shoes, the outfits or hell- this concert even. There’s a part of Jeongguk (and he will NEVER admit just how big that part actually is) that just wants to grab Namjoon and haul him off stage, get these blasted shoes off him and then wrap his feet up and also maybe feed him fruit or better yet- meat and fix it, goddamnit.
Honestly the only reason he doesn’t is the fact that ARMY are there cheering for the entire group and they would most likely be upset if the two of them ran out in the middle of the concert.
Somehow they make it to the first wardrobe change. As soon as they are off stage Namjoon hurries to his station and Jeongguk is just about to go after him when someone wraps their hand around his biceps and all but yanks him back.
“Jeon Jeongguk.” Seokjin-hyung all but growls and naturally, Jeongguk bristles but Jin ignores that in favour of ploughing on. “I need you to get your shit together. Right. About. Now.” He hisses, eyes narrowed and smelling like a thunder storm.
Jeongguk blinks. Inside, his instincts are raging, fighting against what he wants to do, what he ought to do and what his instincts are telling him to do- which are three very different things he comes to find out.
He wants to run after Namjoon. Make sure he’s really okay and then finally throw these damn shoes out of the arena like he had wanted to do before the show.
He ought to listen to his hyung, his older pack mate, who’s not happy with him right now and then fix it as soon as possible because while they do fight from time to time and all that, right now is the worst timing to be mad at each other.
His instincts are with him on that first one but are absolutely livid that someone (pack or not) is trying to hold him back from going to his.. whatever. To his Namjoon. He wants to fight, establish a new pack order and make sure that no one ever tries something similar ever again. The audacity really.
“Jin-hyung is right, Jeonggukie. What the fuck was that?” Hoseok pops up behind Jin, lips pulled into that little frown he always sports when he’s trying to understand something that eludes him.
“What was what?” Jeongguk reigns in his urge to snap but the words come out a lot sharper than they normally would. Neither of his hyungs looks impressed with his tone, Hoseok even raises an eyebrow.
“You were stinking up that stage and lost focus. That’s not like you.”
“I did not loose focus.” He argues. He is a professional after all. His eyes dart over to the changing area for a split second, but he only catches Namjoon’s back. It’s not enough, but he has to deal with this.
“Listen,” he starts but trails off when he sees the way the are suddenly looking at him- incredulous and somewhat unbelieving.
“Oh, you have got to be shitting me.” Jin curses but suddenly sets into motion, dragging Jeongguk with him.
“Namjoon-ah!” he calls out and several heads snap up at the tone. He thrusts Jeongguk forward with a scoff. “Please tell our resident baby alpha that your precious feet are fine.”
Namjoon blinks in confusion, hands frozen where they were straightening the collar of his shirt.
“Um?” his eyes dart between them. Jin huffs impatiently and makes a weird hand gesture Jeongguk can’t interpret before stalking off to change himself. Jeongguk knows that he should get going too- their time is limited after all, but he stays rooted to his spot.
“I’m. Fine?” Namjoon still sounds confused and it’s terribly adorable. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” Jeongguk assures him. “Just...” he bites at his lip.
“Jeongguk-ssi. Over here, please.” One of the stylists found him and whisks him away, gently scolding under her breath. Normally, Jeongguk would apologize and let them do their thing; now he basically rips his sweaty clothes off and pulls on the ones waiting for him all the while watching the room.
The room- in general. Nothing specific.
Once they are all done getting changed and meet up again, ready to get on stage Jeongguk takes a proper look around. Everyone smells okay- Jin is still irritated but well. Namjoon is wearing different shoes and Jeongguk counts that as a win.
“You’re up in 5....4...” The stage hand counts them in and then they are off again.
No one is stumbling this time around- things run smoothly and during a brief break Jeongguk meets Jin’s eyes with a smug smile. He only gets an eye roll in response but chooses to count that as a win as well. So there. Things are fine.
“We need to talk.”
Maybe things are not fine. Jin doesn’t even let them sit down properly before he states his demand, arms crossed with that expression that shuts all of them up. The rest of the pack appears caught somewhere between perplexed and resigned, but they all follow him into the den without a complaint.
Jeongguk wold very much like to dip, but it’s like Jin can read his fucking mind because he takes him by the wrist and pulls him along, so no escaping for him.
Once everyone is sprawled out on the soft couches Jeongguk chances a glance at the rest of the pack. Tae and Jimin look relaxed, Yoongi is grumbling about food and Hoseok and Jin have their frowny face on. Namjoon looks deep in thought.
“Right. Pup.” Jeongguk startles at being addressed and sits up a little straighter. “Something is up and we are going to fix it. Or- you are going to fix it.” Jin says, pointing a finger at Namjoon, who sighs and nods.
“Right.” He agrees and Jeongguk can’t help but notice how he sounds so very tired. Maybe he should get him a blanket and insist they talk later- after their leader is better rested...
Jin seems happy enough with that answer.
“Do we even need to be here?” Yoongi grouses “I’d rather not listen to whatever is about to go down here.”
“It’s okay hyung. I think I know what the issue is.” Namjoon fixed his gaze on Jeongguk, unreadable. “And it affects the team, so...”
“It’s alright Namjoon-ah. We will support you with everything you two need.” Hobi this time, back to smiling and smelling happy. That’s good- fine. How it’s supposed to be and yet Jeongguk can feel the nervousness creeping up his spine. If Namjoon thinks there’s an ‘issue’ it does not bode well for him, does it?
“Well, I think it’s pretty obvious what is happening.” Namjoon sounds so defeated when he says it “Gguk has been acting different these past weeks. I think we can all agree on that. And it’s fine!” he adds hastily, eyes wide.
“I mean, I get it. Presenting is a challenge and obviously it takes time to adjust for everyone. But you have been doing... and awful lot of things that point in a very clear direction and today was just the apex of it, wasn’t it?”
It’s mostly quiet apart from Jeongguk’s stuttering heartbeat. Shit. What has he been doing for Namjoon to sound so upset? Namjoon seems to read the question in his eyes and goes on.
“You’ve made it a point to.. I don’t know. Do things for me? Make sure I get enough food and tried to do a lot of things for me that are not normally your job. You’re always checking up on me, like I’m about to drop dead the next second or something...” Namjoon is speaking slowly, picking his words carefully, with thought and intention and the rest of the pack is rumbling in agreement and comfort, urging him on and really, that would all be fine and dandy, only Jeongguk is having a minor breakdown right now and wishes they’d all fuck off.
Because.. he had been doing that, hadn’t he? The food. And the extra attention. Oh God- he’d gotten off to a scented blanket for fuck’s sake. Shit.
That’s all his brain can come up with: shit shit shit. Eloquent.
He’d been displaying peak courting behaviour... and hadn’t even realised it. What kind of alpha does that? Jeongguk- that’s who apparently. Shit.
The others are watching him, he can feel it, but he doesn’t want to meet their eyes too scared of what he would find in them. Pity? Amusement at how bad he was at controlling his alpha instincts? (Rationally he knows that they would never- his hyungs aren’t cruel like that but his brain is working overtime and not feeling all that rational right now.)
“So, it’s really not that hard to come to a conclusion.” Namjoon breathes heavily, graciously ignoring the stormy scent Jeongguk must be pushing out. And Lord, this is it. This is the moment he will be confronted about his love by the actual love of his fucking life and he has nothing prepared, no big speech, no-
“Jeongguk-ah, are you going to challenge me for the pack alpha position?”
Pin drop silence. Jeongguk idly thinks no one is even breathing, certainly not himself.
Namjoon is looking at him again after directing most of his thoughts more at his hands then the room in general, but now he’s looking at Jeongguk with his shoulders squared and his jaw clenched deliciously- determined even when he smells so uncomfortable.
Jeongguk blinks. Tries to run the last few minutes back in his head and figure out how exactly he got here, what he missed to land in this situation but he can’t make anything out. He’s still a little panicky about the revelation that he’d been unconsciously courting Namjoon, so it’s possible that he missed something in this mind-set, but what on earth is happening?
“I—uhm. What?” he stammers out, casting a look around the rest of the pack for help; maybe a fucking clue about what is going on but they all look just as dumb-fooled as Jeongguk feels.
Their leader doesn’t pick up on the mood, or if he does chooses to ignore it.
“You seem to think I’m incapable of doing things myself, always showing off in front of the pack. Today you didn’t even trust me to take care of my blisters.” He sounds upset now. “Honestly, just get it over with. You can challenge me if you’d like- actually you should. It’s starting to bleed into our jobs and that’s just not gonna do. We will settle this.”
Jeongguk thinks the room might be spinning around him at this point, or maybe it’s the wave of nausea but holy fuck how had he messed this up so badly? The man he loves thinks Jeongguk wants to challenge him. And while he’s never been above wrestling one of his hyungs (Jin and Jimin mostly, maybe Taehyung) for fun usually the thought of actually going head to head with Namjoon, about the pack leadership of all things, makes an unpreceded panic claw at his throat.
“I- I don’t...Hyung. I don’t want that.” He blubbers, scrabbling for what to say to fix this whole giant mess that he’s gone and gotten himself into. “Ohmygod, please.. no. I would never, never ... I... that’s not what-“
“Woah, okay. Breathe Kookie.” Suddenly, Hoseok is beside him, stroking his back. “I’m sure this is just a big misunderstanding.” He soothes, but Jeongguk can feel himself spiralling because why the fuck does Namjoon think he wants to challenge him when all he really wants to do is kiss him silly. This is so messed up.
“You’ve really gone and done it now, alpha-yah.” He hears in the background, as well as some undignified spluttering but he can’t focus on it. Fuck, he has to put this right, he has to do something, anything to fix this. The alpha part of his brain is half mad with it but he can’t really think of anything because Namjoon is upset with him and somehow that feels like the worst thing ever.
“It’s okay. Just a misunderstanding. You’ll talk and clear it up, right Kookie?” Hoseok keeps repeating that and Jeongguk wants to believe him, but he can hear Namjoon arguing with the others in the background and it doesn’t sound simple anymore so he whimpers and tries to shrink himself into a ball.
“Shit.”
A smack sounds around the room followed by a growl.
“Alright. This is enough.” Namjoon says and he sounds so serious and maybe even a little scary that Jeongguk wants to just shrivel up and die (he’s not even thinking about how sexy he sounds; that’s how fucked up all of this is).
“Sit down.” There’s shuffling and then the room is quiet again.
“Right..., now.” Warm hands come to rest on Jeongguk’s knees and when he peeks up Namjoon is crouching in front of him. “You’re going to have to talk to me Gguk. If I assumed the wrong thing you should really tell me.”
Jeongguk bites his lips and nods. Where is all that alpha bravado and instinct when he truly needs it? He feels small in the face of the agitated scents of his pack.
“I wouldn’t ever want to challenge you for pack alpha.” He says earnestly, still distraught at the very thought that Namjoon might think so. “I- I don’t want it! Never! You’re our alpha and.. and I just wouldn’t.”
“Okay.” Namjoon agrees. “That’s good to know. Thank you for telling me.” Then, a little unsurely he asks “Would you like to scent?”
And Jeongguk might just cry from relief, because yes, he would like that very much so he nods. He will let himself have this.
Soon enough all he knows is the comforting smell of Namjoon, who fills his nose and lungs with the scent of family, pack and safety. In reality his scent is still a little all over the place, a little muddled from the past half hour but it does nothing to deter Jeongguk when he rubs his cheek all over Namjoon’s hair and bares his throat so the leader can rub his nose over his neck.
It calms both of them down, disperses the lingering sour notes to their scents until all that remains is their baseline happy and content scent.
“Jesus, you two are dumbasses.” Yoongi says dryly.
“I’m sorry, we are what now?!” Namjoon pops back up, a scowl on his face.
“Dumb. Asses. Seriously, stressing us all out like that. What for?”
It appears like Namjoon wants to argue some of that, but Jeongguk simultaneously thinks he might die if they don’t get back to scenting so he whines a little for attention and that sure works like a charm.
It’s Seokjin who scoffs at them this time. “Yeah, you are right Yoongi-chii. Dumbasses.” He nods sagely and the rest of the pack looks to be in agreement with that- traitors the lot of them.
“I suggest that you talk for real Jeongguk-ie, before something like today happens again.” Hoseok says and though he uses the word ‘suggest’, Jeongguk can tell from his tone that it’s really not a suggestion. They way his eyes gleam like flint drives that point home.
“We could lock them in a room until they figure it out.” Taehyung says excitedly- a little too excited where Jeongguk is concerned. If the way Jimin perks up is anything to go by he’s on board with that idea and Jeongguk is just about to tell them to fuck off (in nicer words obviously, they are still his hyungs- even with crazy ideas like that) but Namjoon beats him to the punch.
He doesn’t curse them out sadly (their considerate leader, really. He could use his hyung privileges more, but he’s too nice for that), but shoot them a stern look.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Jeonggukie and I are capable of talking things out without locking us in. What is wrong with you?”
What is wrong with them indeed? The two have the audacity to start sulking and only stop when Hoseok gathers them towards the kitchen with the promise of food. That gets them going all right. Yoongi and Seokjin follow, but not before shooting Jeongguk looks that he deftly ignores for the sake of his own sanity.
It’s worse, because Namjoon takes that as his cue to move away and face Jeongguk earnestly, a question in his intelligent eyes. “Wanna tell me what’s really up?”
And this is really not the way Jeongguk had pictured his night going. What to do? He knows that he must make things right, but also: he’s not exactly prepared to confess his feelings cornered like he is (he’s not sure he’d ever be prepared because he’d never planned on it).
So in lieu of an answer, Jeongguk shrugs, fixing his stare on the carpet and decides on a whim to go with a half-truth.
“You work so hard... I just.. someone needs to take care of you too, right?”
Namjoon huffs above him. It’s the easy way out- Jeongguk knows for a fact that most members of their pack say the same thing to Namjoon at least once per comeback, some even more often.
“I take great care of myself, I’ll have you know.”
Jeongguk rolls his eyes (he’s still looking down, so Namjoon can’t see so he gets to act a little bratty) “You really don’t, but it’s okay: none of us do. Only the rest of us have you to make sure we’re not overdoing it. You need someone like that.”
There’s silence after that, so Jeongguk risks taking another peek, just a tiny one, before glancing away again. Namjoon doesn’t look mad at least, he counts that as a win. A little unsure maybe, but that is something Jeongguk can work with.
“In my defence- I didn’t even notice I was doing it!” Jeongguk tries hard not to blush- to see this through like the adult that he is, but it’s hard, so fucking hard because he’d been acting like a territorial alpha all over their pack alpha of all people and hadn’t even noticed it before almost messing up their performance, so what exactly does that say about him? Apart from being an idiot who was not nearly as in control of these instincts as he’d thought.
“You didn’t notice?” Namjoon sounds amused. “Gguk, everybody noticed.”
When he says it like that, it sounds worse...
“I didn’t. It’s alpha instincts, isn’t it?” The ‘I can’t help it’ goes unsaid between them.
“It’s... huh. You think it’s your instincts?” It feels safer to look at Namjoon again now, so he does. The other alpha looks like he’s pondering something fundamental, instead of just Jeongguk’s screwed up courting (that he doesn’t know about. Nope. Never will, either.).
“I.. yes? I mean, it must be right?”
And Namjoon, like the wonderful, glorious being that he is, goes with it. “Yeah, must be.. Come on, let’s go eat.”
“Huh?” The sudden change of topic has Jeongguk scrambling, but Namjoon has a deep smile on his face and pumps out a satisfied scent that Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do with so he finds himself in the kitchen a few seconds later with his mind still reeling to catch up.
What the hell just happened there?
When the pack asks the same question, Namjoon just smiles. “We figured it out, it’s all good.” He says and Jeongguk nods along because he has no idea what else to do. They figured it out? What exactly did they figure out?
All throughout dinner he can’t stop that thought from racing through his mind, so he mostly sits quietly and shovels whatever is put in front of him into his mouth without paying attention. And when they separate to go catch some sleep and he’s the only one left sitting at the breakfast bar he can’t help but feel that he’d made a mistake somewhere in that conversation. He’s just not sure what it might have been yet.
The feeling of being out of the loop lingers. It’s not glaringly obvious all the time, but something has shifted in the air and Jeongguk can’t put his finger on it.
Outwardly, they do the same things: go to rehearsal, work on music, plan and discuss their next comeback- all things they’ve been doing for years now and yet... it all feels different.
A few days after whatever that ‘talk’ with Namjoon had been, Jeongguk came back from a meeting with his manager to find the rest of the pack huddled in their lounge at the company building. They had looked pretty damn pleased with themselves but when Jeongguk asked what was up, Yoongi had told him that good things come to those who wait, which- bullshit?
Jeongguk had been pissed off for about ten seconds and even considered pushing it, but then Namjoon had handed him a bottle of banana milk and had assured him that it was just a good day and Jeongguk had settled into the couch with only a slight pout, but had let it slide.
The good mood had continued (which was nice of course) and well, maybe Jeongguk had let himself getting carried away with that a little. (He still thought something was off, but maybe he was just being sensitive)
Obviously, Jeongguk is trying much harder these days to not slip up when it comes to accidental courting- and honestly, it takes up most of his energy because who would have thought that not courting could be?
He’s conscious of it now and therefore has to make an effort to stop it, which is exhausting sometimes.
During dance practice, he keeps his eyes on the mirror and his own moves. He can do that. He stays far away from the snack station during breaks so he can’t even think about grabbing something extra for anyone other than himself- nope. He stays on his phone the entirety of the breaks and only looks up when someone holds out a water bottle to him. He ignores the itch in his fingers to return the favour when he sees it’s Namjoon because he is a grown man and can control himself. Easy.
When they are in a meeting, he doesn’t scan the room for the best spot to offer to their pack leader. Nope. He just sits down where ever and picks on his cuticles instead of doing something crazy, like getting coffee (for all of them obviously, he’s not an asshole) but just sits and concentrates on the actual words being spoken around him. He’s 90% sure he caught some of it at least. He only looks up when he’s passed a sheet of neat notes by Taehyung and forces himself not to blush at the fact that he’s able to tell who’s handwriting that is right away.
Dinners become his least favourite part of the day, because holy fuck- why is it so hard to control himself around Namjoon? It’s like now that he’s been made aware of his stupidity it smacks him in the face day and night (no running from it) but it’s arguably the worst during dinner because Namjoon is just sitting right there and Jeongguk wants nothing more than pick up his plate and hand feed him everything. It’s terrible. It’s also impossible, so Jeongguk grits his teeth and bears it but it’s really not fun to say the least. These days he gobbles down as much food as he possibly can in the shortest amount of time and then promptly makes to leave the table, which of course, earns him a slew of looks he’d rather not interpret from his hyungs.
This dinner is no different. They had ordered out, all seven of them seated around their living room with take out containers and a promise not to make a mess to Hoseok, who’d looked on the verge of protesting but gave up when Jimin assaulted him with his pout.
Not that Jeongguk cares- he’ll wolf down his portion and fuck off to his own room.
“Are you okay, Gguk?” Taehyung asks next to him, concern in every syllable. Jeongguk just grunts in response, unwilling to empty his mouth enough for a clear answer but Taehyung is stubborn and waits it out, so he has no choice but to swallow.
“Yeah sure. ‘m great hyung.”
“You’re off Ggukie- you haven’t even fought Jin-hyung over the pork belly.” Yoongi points out, lips twisted into a smile that looks just the wrong side of kind. Huh.
“Wait- you gave up pork belly?” It’s Namjoon this time, sounding overly scandalized for something so trivial – and on a normal Wednesday night at that. Jeongguk can feel the eyes of his pack on him, lingering, like they are waiting for something.
“Here. Have some. It’s great.” Before he can say anything, there are chopsticks nudging at his lips. Namjoon is right, it tastes fantastic. A little on the spicier side, there is some sort of marinade on it that Jeongguk is unfamiliar with, but tasty all the same.
“’s good.” He agrees and is about to go back to his container with fried rice when his gaze catches on the others. They are watching too closely still, like they are waiting for him to say something else- he could swear Jimin is even on the edge of his seat, leaning in and well, that’s just a recipe for disaster with his track record with chairs.
Jeongguk tells him that much, to which Jimin deflates and casts a forlorn look around the room. The others look equally defeated and he swears that Seokjin and Hoseok exchange a couple of won notes under the table.
“This is weird. You are weird.” Jeongguk says as he gets up to leave. No one says anything in return and really- that’s the weirdest shit of all.
By far the hardest part for Jeongguk though, is to stay away from Namjoon’s scent. See: he has this theory that maybe it’s the scent triggering his overbearing alphaness, so the logical thing to do would be to steer clear of it (for a while at least, while the dust settles and whatnot) but it’s nearly impossible.
Firstly his scent is all around their home- obviously, as they live there together. But whereas Jeongguk felt like he had to actively search for things that smell like Namjoon before, now it’s like they have a life of their own and pop up whenever he has a weak moment just to make his life further hell.
And that’s not even accounting for all the extra scenting their pack alpha suddenly wants to do. Rationally, Jeongguk knows that he probably feels guilty about that whole miscommunication thing and wants to make up for it by being extra attentive- something Jeongguk would love usually but kind of hates now because Namjoon’s scent is everywhere all the time and it’s driving him nuts.
Primitively, he just wants to roll in it and soak it all up, but he can’t because his inner alpha is an idiot with no self control, so Jeongguk has to cancel that out somehow and be the bigger and better person, which just sucks because all he really wants to do is court the man he loves without creeping him out. Ugh.
It’s so much worse now too, because the whole pack is keeping an extra eye out for him (checking to make sure he’s not completely off his rockers, surely), so he has to act normal and can’t even decline when Namjoon offers him his jacket on the way home- because that would be suspicious as fuck, so he breathes through his mouth the entire car ride back to their place under the watchful eyes of everyone.
All in all, Jeongguk is not having the best of times. He still feels horribly guilty and somewhat idiotic- would really like to avoid the people he loves the most on this planet, but can’t get away because they are in the middle of schedules and there is no break planned out for them until the next year.
It also doesn’t help that they all keep watching him with that look he just can’t place and it’s keeping him on edge. Jimin and Taehyung regularly look like they might burst in his presence, while Jin and Yoongi look mostly disappointed. Hoseok varies between these soft understanding and pitiful ones and Namjoon... Well, he avoids him mostly but when their eyes catch sometimes, their leader looks hopeful- like maybe he’s waiting for a reaction and it makes Jeongguk flinch because he really doesn’t know what to do.
It comes to a head, because of course it does, on a fucking regular Monday. Not like the days of the week have much meaning to the pack anymore, but Jeongguk is a creature of habit and he has despised Mondays ever since he started going to school, so who can blame him?
This particular Monday starts off on the worst way possible- with Jin leaning over him in bed and tweaking his nipples.
“Ow, Jesus fuck, what the hell hyung?”
“Ah-ah. Language you brat! Now get up, we’re late.”
The door slams on his way out and Jeongguk is just about to turn back into his sheets and close his eyes again when something heavy hits his door with a mighty twack.
It has Jeongguk tumbling out of bed with his legs tangled in his blankets, only narrowly avoiding death by head fracture before the words register.
Late. They are late. He shoots a look at the clock on his bedside table and nearly brains himself again on the bedframe as he throws his head back with a groan.
It’s not even ten yet- there’s no way they are late for anything, is there?
Grumbling under his breath, Jeongguk drags himself to the kitchen, which is empty expect for a single plate of western style breakfast sitting on the counter. Confused, Jeongguk blinks. When the scene doesn’t change he blinks again and rubs at his eyes for good measure before stepping closer.
The dorm is deceptively quiet, even when he can smell the rest of the pack lingering. But it’s the plate that keeps his attention- he can smell all the different things piled up on it- the bacon and the pancakes and the eggs... and it makes no sense to his sleepy brain.
They never have western style breakfast at home for one- too many calories during promotions. Besides, most of the pack doesn’t even like it; himself aside he can think of maybe one other person to enjoy it. Still, it makes no sense for one of them to cook something like this up and then just leave it sitting in the kitchen?
There’s no one around. It’s weird.
Jeongguk comes a little closer and takes a better looks through his bleary eyes. He was right about the contents of the plate. Bacon, eggs and pancakes- but it’s the latter that really catch his eyes. Everything is decorated and looks pretty, but the pancakes have syrup drizzled on them in the shape of a heart.
A wobbly heart, sure, but a heart nonetheless. Jeongguk is so stumped by the sight that he just grows roots where he is standing, right there in their kitchen, staring and blinking, staring and blinking.
“You should eat before it gets even colder.” A deep voice says behind him and Jeongguk spins so fast that he goes a little dizzy. He had not heard or smelled anyone approach.
“Namjoon hyung.” Their leader is indeed standing behind Jeongguk in the hallway, looking cozy and cuddly in soft sweats and a navy long-sleeved shirt. He also looks incredibly handsome.
“Did you make breakfast?” He sounds rather incredulous even to his own ears, but really- they all know that Namjoon stays away from the kitchen to the best of his ability.
“I did.” He looks sheepish. “Jin-hyung helped.” He offers, like he’s trying to convince Jeongguk that it’s actually edible and Jeongguk can’t help but smile- he’s so terribly whipped for this man.
However: “Why?”
Namjoon shifts and Jeongguk can smell how nervous and uncomfortable he is; a sort of burning note to his usual warm comfort. He holds eye contact though, doesn’t look away for a second.
“Well, it seemed like you didn’t get the more subtle clues, so.. I thought I should go all in, right? Before the rest of the pack do end up locking us in a room together.”
“All... all in?” Jeongguk is not sure he is hearing that right.
“Ah, uhh yes. Should have done that first. Sorry.” Namjoon pushes past him into the kitchen and Jeongguk turns to look after him in confusion.
“I made you food.” Namjoon picks the plate up gingerly and holds it out like an offering.
“I..- okay?” Jeongguk takes the plate. “Thank you.” It comes out like a question.
“And before; you didn’t react, but Gguk-ah. I’ve been trying to court you for a few weeks now, so... I guess what I’m trying to say is: would you? Like that, I mean?”
“Court?” Jeongguk knows that he sounds like a broken record- God, he can basically feel his brain cells abandoning ship at his own stupidity, but... he doesn’t understand what is happening.
Or maybe he does, it’s just... it feels unlikely? Too good to be true.
“Yes.” Namjoon confirms, oblivious to the turmoil he has caused. “Court. It’s fair you didn’t get it.. I mean, I didn’t get it first, right? That’s.. you .. you were doing that, weren’t you?” He looks nervous now. “I didn’t read that wrong, did I?”
Jeongguk is still too confused to answer straight away and in the span of the time it takes him to gather his bearings, he can see Namjoon’s face falling.
“I wasn’t.” He rushes to say and then wants to smack himself over the head because boy did that come out wrong.
“Oh- oh, okay. That was presumptuous of me, you’re right, I will-“
“NO! Shit. That’s not.. I didn’t mean it like that. Hyung. Hold on.” Jeongguk wraps one hand firmly around Namjoon’s wrist to keep him from edging out of the room.
“Just... Gimme a moment okay? I swear I didn’t..” He takes a deep breath and thankfully, Namjoon seems okay to wait for him.
“I wasn’t courting you.” Jeongguk starts and ignores the flash of pain on Namjoon’s face. “Not consciously at least. Not because I wouldn’t want to court you- I just didn’t make that a decision, you know?” God, he hopes he makes sense. But Namjoon waits for him to go on, so he does.
“I didn’t even notice I was doing something out of the ordinary until that thing with your feet.” Great, Jeongguk is blushing now, like a pre-teen. “It just felt.. I don’t know: normal? Good? To do these things. And I only thought about it after- how it came across.”
Jeongguk sucks on his bottom lip and hesitates- should he go on? Air it all out? But Namjoon said he wants to court him, right? So maybe...
“The thing is hyung, it never occurred to me to officially court you because I’ve been in love with you for so long that .. well; I was just kinda resigned to live with that for the rest of my life. You are... well, you are you and I don’t think I could ever stop loving you, I just never thought I’d tell you.. or, or get the chance to do anything about it.”
Jeongguk chances a look through his lashes. Namjoon looks stoic and hasn’t moved at all during Jeongguk’s stammering confession- just patiently waits for him to finish. Jeongguk blows out a heavy breath.
“So, yeah. I wasn’t trying to court you, but I also wasn’t not courting you? I’d like to change that though, if that’s still what you want.” Because that is another thing to deal with: does Namjoon really want him? Jeon Jeongguk? The mere possibility feels like too much.
Silence falls. Namjoon and his scent give nothing away.
“You’ve been in love with me for long?” Is what the other alpha finally settles on and it makes Jeongguk fidget. Emotions, and talking about them, will never be his thing, he thinks. But there’s no point in acting shy now.
“Well.. yes? Ever since.. I don’t know- I don’t have a specific date, but ... around 2012, possibly?” God that sounds bad, doesn’t it? Predictably, Namjoon’s mouth falls open a bit.
“2012?” He echoes, affronted. “This is...” Namjoon huffs a small laugh then squares his shoulders. “Right. We wasted enough time. I’m going to kiss you now, Jeongguk-ah.”
And that’s all the warning he gets before Namjoon leans in and does just that: kisses him breathless. Obviously, Jeongguk had thought about what it would be like to kiss the love of his life before. It’s kind of inevitable really. He can’t recall any of those fantasies now, which is fine because they surely wouldn’t be able to compare.
Namjoon has plush lips, full and soft and they always look great, but now Jeongguk finds that they feel even better. They press insistently against his own and the heat that comes with them has Jeongguk gasping and opening his mouth within seconds.
The smell of Namjoon, up close like this and tinged with want, his body heat, his lips... Jeongguk feels like he’s dreaming. Maybe he is- there is no way of telling as time gets away from him, too focused on the slick slide of their lips.
When their tongues tangle Jeongguk knows that he could stay right there in the middle of their kitchen with a stack of slowly cooling pancakes that at this rate will never get eaten forever and never miss a single thing outside of these walls.
They break apart only to come back together after hurried breaths that sustain them just long enough to kiss out of each other again. It’s bliss, doesn’t get better than this and really: Jeongguk is glad he hadn’t known that they could have been doing this sooner, because he would have gotten nothing done in life- ever.
Eventually, they do part though, panting against each other’s mouth, eyes only half opened and it’s a fucking feedback loop of their aroused scent and shaky breaths that gets to Jeongguk’s head and makes it spin.
“Maybe we should get out of the kitchen. The other’s won’t stay in their rooms forever.” Namjoon eventually suggests, but his fingers are still on Jeongguk’s waist and make no move to let him go.
“They know?” Jeongguk asks, not really caring but curious anyway. Namjoon nods, their foreheads moving together.
“Knew before us I think.”
Jeongguk can’t bring himself to care- maybe later, when his head is clearer and he can figure out what all of this means. Not right now .
“Okay.” He agrees easily.
They leave the pancakes on the counter. Just for a moment Jeongguk thinks that it’s a waste- it’s not everyday that he gets breakfast made for him, with romantic intentions no less, but then Namjoon is pulling on his hand and leading him towards the bedrooms and he finds that he doesn’t care that much.
There will be other instances, maybe, for breakfast and syrup hearts. His chances at least have never looked better.