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“Go home uggos!” I could feel my face turning red, the reason long having left my head. And here I was, yelling at Takatsu’s sister and all her friends. I didn’t really know what had come over me, just seeing Takatsu surrounded by women when I was out... affected me.
“Huh? Who are you callin’ ugly?” One of the friends got in-between me and the rest.
“Huuuh? I’m like, a hundred times cuter than all of you! Hah!”
“What’s he talking about?” A few were murmuring.
Well, I thought it was true. The way I looked while under hypnosis was absolutely adorable, nobody could resist it. And so I felt superior to them all. Eventually, after a bit more chatter, Takatsu’s sister put up her hands. “Fine, let’s just go. We seem to not be wanted here...”
The group filed out the door, and as they left Takatsu followed behind them. “Sorry to make you come all this way,” he said calmly.
“It’s fine, we’ll drop by next time,” his sister replied.
I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around him “Don’t bother, you don’t hafta come back!” I squeezed tighter. “C’mon, jut close the door.”
Takatsu’s sister wrinked her face a bit. “Are you sure you should be dating...” I growled at her, and she just sighed, waving her brother off. Finally, Takatsu closed the door.
As he did, a rush of shame filled my face. I... definitely let my jealousy get the better of me. But... he was all alone with a pack of women. What exactly did he expect me to think? It’s no different from me... well... I was... at a mixer earlier.
“Senpai,” he called out to me, turning around, catching sight of my face I tried to hide.
I looked up into his eyes...
But unlike what I’ve come to expect from him when we get alone. His eyes weren’t condescending, or prying, or just a blank wall.
They were wrinkled in an emotion I’ve not seen from him. I didn’t even know how to parse it. He said nothing, just looked at me for a bit.
“I- I came... back early.” I confessed. “I just, wasn’t having fun there. Yanno. And so, I wanted to see you.”
“Well, you have my attention. Why are you acting shy at this point?” His words didn’t have venom, or sadistic pleasure. It felt like... exhaustion. “So what was up at that mixer?”
I felt my gut sinking. I had half expected him to put the moves on me. But now the butterflies were replaced by genuine shame from the frustration in his actions. I’d seen him exasperated by me before, this felt... similar, but worse.
“Well, I... I was around everyone. It felt so tense, and... and... all those girls were just not cute. I dunno what it was about, all I could think of was... ‘I’m cuter than all of them.’ And, so... when they were swapping bars, I got out.”
Takatsu sat down at his room table, looking off to the side for a bit. “Hm.”
I stood, shaking a bit, unsure if I should sit down. He was so cold. But after he didn’t say anything for a bit, I sat down with him.
“So, do you normally think that sort of thing at mixers?”
“Huh? N-no. I mean, it wouldn’t make sense to. I wasn’t... yanno, yet.”
He rubbed his chin. “So, did any of the girls there seem to be lording their... cuteness over the others?”
“N- not really, they were all so... plain. I dunno. Not for me.” I couldn’t really see where he was going with this.
“So none of them were looking down on you or the others, it just bubbled up naturally?”
“Y- yeah. If they were looking down on me... I dunno if I could have kept my cool, yanno?”
His eyes locked on mine. “So, if they were to call you ugly, you’d feel pretty angry at that, huh?”
Even I wasn’t so dense as to miss his implication there. “Look, I- I just... I- was the only girl around you. I wanted to be...”
“Well, you aren’t.” Takatsu sighed. “Kobayashi-senpai...” He breathed in clearly to piece together the way to say what came next. “I’m flattered by the jealousy. To be honest, seeing you so jealous... It’s hard to hold back.”
My face, already flushed, felt like it was finding brand new shades of red never seen.
“But. You’re not just being jealous, you’re being hurtful to my friends. And to other girls. I promise, they can tell when someone feels they’re better than them.” Takatsu’s voice lowered. “I’m not... angry. But I should be, understand? I’m willing to forgive a lot from you.”
Hearing that let me lift my head a bit, expecting his face to look more relived now. He would forgive me! But instead it met with furrowed eyebrows.
“Kobayashi-senpai. I’m fine with you staying right now, but not for sex. If you wanna talk out those emotions, if you want an ear for what’s bothering you. I’m here. But I’m not gonna condone everything, and we’re not gonna fuck and make up until you can confidently say you’re not gonna do something like that again.
I opened my mouth, suddenly incensed by this walling me out. But I held it back, maybe he had a point at least about my temper. “I- I got jealous over you. Okay? That’s all.”
He stood up. “Just a moment, I’ll get some coffee.” As he walked over to his kitchen area, he peeked around the corner. “It’s gonna be a night.”
I didn’t quite understand what he meant, but I was left stewing at his low table. It felt like eternity wrangling in this frustration, but I didn’t feel any closer to a solution by the time he made it back with two cups and a pot.
“So, jealous. I understand that. But you said you were also feeling this way at the mixer too. None of those people were even aware of me.”
I looked down at the black coffee poured into my cup. “I mean, you didn’t even seem to mind when I said I was heading over there. You didn’t care if I was gonna... pick up someone else.”
“Alright, I understand that. But Kobayashi-senpai, not only are we not in a relationship, you’ve been pretty insistent that we’re not and you’re just interesting in trying sex as a girl.”
“I mean, yeah, ok. But... it’s been weeks. And... you seem like you... I dunno...”
“So, can I be honest? I don’t want to be in a relationship with you like that, Kobayashi-senpai.”
“Huh? But we’ve been... going at it. And you seemed pretty into it.”
“I mean I’m not interested in a relationship with a girl. And you keep coming to me as a girl for sex. Honestly, it pisses me off.”
“I... but you still see me as a guy, right? It’s a win-win.”
“It feels like you’re using me. And I can tell.” Takatsu took a sip of his coffee. “So, here’s how I see it. You either are working through love for me clashing with some questions of your sexuality, and thus you’re not letting your jealousy out healthily. Or you’re working through some personal issues and using hypnosis and me as an outlet and the feelings about yourself are starting to bubble up outside of the times you’ve deemed appropriate to think about those things.”
I stared glassy-eyed at him. “Are you some kind of therapist, Takatsu?”
“I’ve just been in a similar place. You’re not the first person to need introspection.” Takatsu put down his cup. “You’re not the only one working through feelings on this. So, if you need a sounding board, I’m open tonight.”
I looked down. Something about this whole condescending tone was pissing me off, but I... couldn’t say he was wrong. And after my outburst, I felt like I kinda owed him. “Fine.” I breathed in. “I- I should figure where to start, do you know where’d be good?”
Finally, Takatsu’s frustration faded off his face and it returned to a blank expression.
The sun was peeking through the curtains of Takatsu’s apartment. I had fallen asleep next to him, but for once it was clothed. My shirt and pants were wrinkled to hell and back after sleeping in them. Takatsu was up before me as usual, making breakfast.
I looked over at the trash can. There were tissues. The room was a bit of a mess from when I lost my temper at Takatsu being too abrasive. I can’t say I had a fun night last night.
Takatsu looked around the corner from the kitchen at me. “The boss won’t be in today, right?”
“Nah. He’s out. I guess I’m the manager today~” I tried to force some cheer into my early morning voice. “You better listen to me, alright?”
“Hm. I’ll humor you.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!”
An evil glint passed over Takatsu’s eye. “I hope you’re looking forward to what I’ve been holding back from you.”
I suddenly shivered. “Wh- what do you mean?”
“Best not get too cocky about your position during the day, Senpai~ It may come back to bite you at night.”
My life began to flash before my eyes.