Chapter Text
CHAPTER ONE
The betrayal was blinding, Arisu sat in that chair for hours, smoke burning his nose and the duct tape pulling at his skin. If he had known that Chishiya was just going to leave him and Usagi at the Beach, he would have thought of a plan that didn't involve trusting strangers.
He should have known that something was amiss, he should have guessed that something wasn’t right.
He rocked back on the chair, trying to break one of the chair legs, trying to do something . Tears leaked through the tape as he struggled to escape the bindings.
He knew that it was his fault. That he should have never dragged Usagi along with him to this place. That a utopia, a safe place, was too good to be true. But he was desperate. He had lost both of his friends, his only friends.
A retching cough scratched at his throat, held on by the duct tape right over his mouth. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes.
He was pathetic.
His friends gave their lives for him, so he could continue.
This was pathetic, he was pathetic. He had done this to try and protect Usagi, to try and survive whatever world this is. Yet he had failed both. And on some level, he had failed Karube and Chota too. They had given their lives for his own, and here he was, tied to a chair as the building burned down all around them.
He at least hoped that Usagi was alright, he didn’t think he could handle any more deaths after Chota and Karube. He didn’t think he would be able to survive that much death, especially right after each other. He wouldn’t be able to survive Usagi's death — hell, he barely survived the sight of Karube’s death.
Arisu bowed his head towards the floor, tears streamed down his nose, his bones ached from being tied to the chair for so long. He needed to leave, to save Usagi, he needed… he needed…
“Arisu? Arisu! Are you in—”
“Here! I'm in here! Please, I can't—!”
To say that he was relieved to hear a voice was an understatement. Despite the fact that he couldn’t recognise the voice, the desperation to be free was too much to handle at that moment.
He tipped forward in his eagerness to be free, and the hand pressed to his chest felt familiar. Tears ran down his face, dripping down his nose and his chin as his hands were being freed. Sobs of relief ripped through his already hoarse throat as he fell against the other.
There was a brief collection that the body was too slim to be Usagi, chest too flat, hair too long. The thoughts were there and then they were gone, because the tape was coming off his eyes, gently, pulling lightly as if to not hurt Arisu. It was so different to the touches that Arisu was used to that his hands shook as they gripped at the wrists of the other.
“There’s– there’s a—” The voice was soft and quiet, calm as they continued to pull off the duct tape, Arisu flinched as the tape took small hairs from his eyebrows and his scalp, “There’s a fire, so you need to leave quickly—”
“I– I can’t– my—” Arisu took huge gasps of air as he spoke, his voice scratchy and mouth full of cotton, “My– my– I have– I need—”
“Water. You need water,” A rustle, “Here. Speak.”
Arisu took a huge gulp from the bottle before setting it down and taking another huge breath, the water had soothed his throat immensely.
“My friend. My– my Usagi.”
“Your Usagi.” The voice sounded cold and indifferent as they repeated his words back to him, and if Arisu had any shame in that moment he would have blushed and hid his face in his hands, but at the moment he had none, so instead he nodded and squinted upwards to look in the face of the other. His eyes were blurry.
“Will you take me to her? I can tell you how she—”
“No.”
“But—”
“She is most likely looking for you herself, you should be able to find her rather quickly, don’t you worry.” The voice was once again cold and indifferent, that voice that had once held all that warmth, all that gentleness.
That voice was gone.
“Alright. Which way?”
“... Left.”
“Thank you.”
“Okay.”
“Will I see you again?”
“I have no hope for another meeting, Arisu, I’ll be dead long before that.”
Arisu got up on shaky legs with an arm supporting his waist, he walked the first few steps towards the door with no help, leaning against the doorframe, one hand covering his mouth. He turned back, eyes gazing at the man in front of him. Hair tied back and hoodie zipped up.
“Goodbye Chishiya.”
“Leave Arisu.”
“I hope— you'll die, won't you?”
“I might, not that it is any of your concern.”
And then it was back. That warmth, and even if it had just been for a second, it was there, and it enveloped Arisu’s heart quickly. He stayed where he was for a few more seconds, eyes tearing and throat hoarse, and he stared at the other man. He didn’t know how to feel about this man, he had been betrayed, broken down, beaten because of the man that had just rescued him with such a gentle touch.
The seconds felt like hours and Chishiya stared back at him, gaze unwavering as they stared at each other. Almost as if daring Arisu to step away from that door frame and walk back in the room, daring him to do things he knew he couldn’t do. Daring and haunting.
He felt the back of his neck heat as he stared at the other, it was like he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He kept his eyes locked on Chishiya as he walked forward into the room, watching carefully as the man’s eyes flickered up and down. Arisu gulped deeply.
He hated this feeling, hated it so harshly, so much. He wanted to tear his heart out and stomp on it, he wanted to drag down Chishiya with him and do the same with him. He wanted to gouge his eyes out and make himself swallow it. He stared at the man, and he did the same. He tried to look away, tried to stop himself and turn back. Because he had to find Usagi, he had to find her, and they had to leave. Because there was a fire, and they would die if they stayed there any longer.
Arisu stared, and took another step against his will, then took some more until he was standing right in front of the other. He watched as Chishiya’s eyes flickered once more. Down and then up and then down again, gaze softening into something that Arisu hated with his whole heart.
He needed to leave and get Usagi and find out what this game was and solve it and get out of the Beach and take Usagi somewhere safe where they could live and then he would try and find a way out of this horrible world and then they would—
“Why are you still here?”
Arisu pursed his lips and looked to the side, breaking eye contact. He didn’t know why, he didn’t want to be there, not with Chishiya. The man who betrayed him and left him for the sharks. Left both him and Usagi. Of Course, he didn’t want to be in a room with this man. Because he should hate this man, with his cheap hoodie and poorly dyed hair and even worse attitude. He wanted to leave this stuffy room. To leave the Beach. To leave Chishiya.
He didn’t know why it was so hard for him to do. All he had to do was turn around and walk out. To find Usagi and figure the game out and leave and find somewhere safe and then they could—
“Why aren’t you finding your Usagi.”
“I don’t know.”
“Find out.”
“I don’t want to.”
Chishiya went silent and his eyes darkened, and Arisu felt some bile climb up his throat. He should be wanting to strangle Chishiya for all the things that the man did to him and Usagi. He should be wanting to kill him, to do all the things that have been done to him.
Arisu closed his eyes for a second, bowing his head as he took another step closer. Feeling as the other body tensed from the close proximity. Arisu blinked and breathed out a small breath, inhaling smoke and a weird scent on Chishiya’s hoodie.
“I hate you.”
“The feeling is very much mutual.”
“I hate the way you make me feel. And I don't know why you make me feel it, but you need to stop.”
There's a pause, and Chishiya does nothing but stare at him for another few minutes. Arisu can't feel the bile rush up his throat once more as the man’s eyes flicker for the hundredth time. And then Arisu is being backed into a wall, one hand gripping quickly at his chin, while the other pressed harshly at his throat.
Lips pressed insistently against his own, teeth biting at his bottom lip. Arisu raised his hands, eyebrows furrowing as he pressed forward, lips parting and hands gripping at Chishiya’s hair. He doesn’t flinch when he feels Chishiya immediately press forward with his tongue, he’s losing air quickly because of the hand at his throat, and he’s sure that Chishiya’s aware of it by the way that the man is grinning.
Arisu tries not to pant for air against the other's mouth and fails miserably by the way that Chishiya’s grin grows larger. Fingers dig into his hips and Arisu leans away from it, small whimpers of pain floating from his mouth, Chishiya pays no mind to the noises and presses forward until they are pressed up closer against the wall, bodies flush close together.
He hates the feeling of Chishiya’s body against his own as much as he loves it.
He wants more at the same time that he doesn’t want any at all.
“I hate you. I hate this.” Arisu hisses and kisses Chishiya hard, teeth sinking into the boy's bottom lip, “Why do you make me feel this way, why?” Another harsh kiss, and he feels Chishiya’s hand loosen around his neck. There’s a spike of anger at that, and he presses forwards, lifting his chin up so that his neck is exposed. He glares down at the boy, face flushed, and lips swollen and then when he feels Chishiya’s hand tighten once more, he dips down again. With biting teeth and a sharp tongue, the other responds with the same enthusiasm.
“I could have died. You could have killed me.” Arisu scrunched up his nose, fingers carding and pulling at Chishiya’s hair.
Chishiya shook his head and caught Arisu’s lip between his teeth. There was something heavy in the air and it seemed like everything around them went silent; silent and dead, except the room they were in.
Arisu leaned back against the wall and stared at the man, eyes narrowing and hate bubbling to the surface. He watched Chishiya lift his hand, allowed him to grip his chin tightly, leaned into him when he brought their lips together in a gentle kiss, let out a small whimper when a tongue caressed his lips. And when Chishiya tilted his head and pressed closer, he quickly mimicked the action and allowed their bodies to slot together like puzzle pieces.
“I could have died.”
“That was a risk I was willing to take.”
“I hate you.”
“I know.”
Chishiya leaned his forehead against Arisu, eyes closing as he did so. Arisu felt tears slide down his cheeks and sagged against Chshiya’s body, smoke curling into his nose. Chishiya curls a hand on his hip and pushes him away after a few minutes and Arisu allows himself to be pushed away because he knows that he would have not been able to pull away by himself.
“Will I see you again?” Chishiya repeats his words back to him, and Arisu gazes at him through lowered eyes.
“Only in Hell.”
“That's all I need.”
There's a pause. Arisu flinches, and presses another bruising kiss against Chishiya’s lips, unable to help himself, the other doesn’t seem to be able to hold back either because they both surge forward with the same kind of urgency. Licking into each other's mouths like it will be the last time, and they were probably right. It would be the last time. Arisu was sure of that.
“Don’t die. I want to kill you myself.” Arisu whispers, their lips barely brushing.
“Same goes for you.”
“Mhm. Kiss me again, one last time.”
He regretted it the moment he said it, because he knew that it was such a moment of vulnerability that neither of them could afford, and he knew that Chishiya noticed it too, because the man froze.
But then he let his hand cup Arisu’s face and brushed their lips together, soft and gentle, and warm. So warm, Arisu wanted to kill him. He wanted to die. He wanted to die with him. With Chishiya. And it was so disgusting that he pressed closer in desperation.
He hated this. This back and forth. This— whatever this was. This thing, this awful and disgusting disguise of attraction. This pathetic attempt to convince his heart that he felt warmth in Chishiya’s eyes — a warmth larger than the cooling relief that he found in Usagi’s presence. A warmth greater than he ever found in the soft touches that Usagi laid on his arm before they parted.
And he was sure that Chishiya hated it too. He was sure that the man loathed Arisu almost as much as Arisu loathed Chishiya. He was sure that Chishiya felt his heart drop to his feet and his face heat whenever they so much as caught a glimpse of each other. He was sure. There couldn’t have been any other explanation.
Chishiya had used Arisu without a second thought. He had given them hope and had snuffed it out just as quickly. And Arisu hated him for that, because Chishiya had helped him in the past, they had been so close to winning that game of tag. Arisu had given Chishiya a small inkling of trust, much larger than he had ever given someone after the deaths of two of his best friends.
And Chishiya had just thrown that trust away. Rightfully so, too. Arisu never should have given it away in the first place, they didn’t know each other, and Arisu was falling into things way too quickly. This thing with Chishiya was a wakeup call, is all.
Just a simple wake up call, something to remind Arisu that people were dying. People had died. And he should start paying more attention. Because if he had been paying more attention maybe he would have seen the looks that the girl kept on giving Chishiya whenever another part of the plan including Arisu and Usagi was mentioned. Maybe he would have noticed the way that there was a shadow of doubt on Usagi’s face, and how Chishiya couldn’t seem to look him in the air before they all split up.
Maye it would have helped him, somehow, maybe he could have guessed and backed out of the plan, maybe he could have put some distance between himself and Chishiya before things got out of hand, maybe he could have convinced himself that the thing with Chishiya was simply his imagination and it wasn’t real at all. Just something he thought up.
And he was content with that answer. He was happy to believe that reason, was because that reason made sense, that reason was the only one that he wanted to accept.
And he was fine with that.
It was fine. Just fine.