Chapter Text
Kate sat back lounging on her light grey couch. All around her were her best friends, well best friends outside of her sister Edwina, who was missing from the celebrations. Her boyfriend Friedrich had surprised her sister with tickets to their favorite band ‘The Royals’ in an all expense paid week long vacation. Eddy made sure to send Kate lots of photos and love on her holiday.
A crick in her neck had her adjusting her position on the couch, careful not to knock her knees into Sophie who was half laid on the pillows, half stretched out, eyes closed and humming softly. The sweet blonde was always a bit tipsy during their girls nights in but Kate thought it would do her good to unwind and shed the weight of others burdens off her back for a while.
Penelope and Eloise, the eternal duo sat on the floor on top of her lush Peruvian red stained rug. It was the first expensive thing Kate had brought when she moved into her apartment. ‘Are you forgetting your coffeemaker’ a tiny voice in her head asked her. Her heart beat faster, ignoring the comment. That 1000 quid coffeemaker was a bribe to get her back into his graces and unfortunately into his bed. Kate grimaced at her bad decisions. She was usually level headed when it came to most things, but something about….. Him. His deep brown eyes and the way he smiled from within. The little twitch of nerves that bounced on his veiny strong lean forearms as he pushed his undeniably soft hair from his eyes, the way he looked at her and called her sexy or a vixen which simultaneously ruined and brightened her day. Kate shifted in her seat, trying to tune back into the conversation. She would not speak of he who could not be named. If she did, then she’d have to evaluate the game they’d been playing for the past ten months and she would enjoy keeping her sanity intact.
"Anyways I told that idiot that we were discussing inheritance law and not whether or not the conjoined twins were human. Of course they're human or one human in this instance, which is interesting because Phillip has a theory-" a chirping blared into the air. Eloise stopped picking up her phone then dropping it again.
"I'm not sober enough for that."
"Who is it?" Penelope asked, playing with Eloise's hair as she laid in her lap.
"That stupid kid in my class, Debling. He asked me what property law was. It's self explanatory. Even if it wasn't, I'm sure I'd respond with something rude."
"Too bad you can't send a message to him and pretend it wasn't you."
"Ugh, I want to live in a world where I could say whatever I wanted then pretend it didn't happen." Sophie snorted, rolling over on her side.
Kate smirked at her intoxicated friend. If only it were that easy. If there was a world where all the women could shed their inhibitions and say whatever they were truly feeling, it would be grand.
"That would be great." Eloise agreed. "I'd text Debling to drop out. No consequences."
"I'd text my boss, Cressida, that she's a hackless fake." Penelope sighed, laying her head against the chair she was resting on.
"I'd text Ben that I want to be in a relationship." Sophie hiccupped, giggling.
Kate looked at her friend, inspiration striking through her haze. She had a crazy idea.
"What if you could?"
"Could what?" Penelope questioned, tilting her head causing a cascade of heat flamed tendrils to descend down her face.
"Text someone without their knowledge."
"I'm not following?" Eloise quieted, sitting up from Penelope’s lap.
Kate had a great idea. This singular party game would rid her friend of her romantic worries.
"Everyone will write their names on a piece of paper. Damn, I know I have notecards somewhere." She got up, excited about the opportunity to play matchmaker. If she could rig the game to make sure she texted Benedict from Sophie's phone, she could get her friend to stop moping after him like a love sick puppy.
"Okay, write your name and put it in the bag ladies. I have a fun game planned." Kate instructed opening her desk drawer and seeing the brightly colored pens all with her name engraved on them. Another "parting" gift intended for her acceptance. No! She slammed the drawer closed. It didn't matter what he was to her. He was merely a lapse in her judgment. Nothing more.
She handed out a blank notecard to get each woman then emptied out her pencil case.
Penelope wrote her name in her beautiful cursive calligraphy before folding her slip into fours.
Eloise scribbled hers quickly, then half threw it inside.
Sophie inscribed her name, dotting her "i" with a little heart that was so quintessentially her, Kate couldn't help but chuckle a little at her flourished folding.
Kate turned to her desk, quickly writing out her name in a combination of cursive and straight lines. She could hear Anthony's scoff, hot and humid in her ears. "Really Sharma? You can not have this terrible of writing skills."
"Hey! I'll have you know I won a trophy back in Delhi for my penmanship." She gasped glaring at him.
"Sure but I doubt you won that trophy before I got a scholarship as the youngest essay contestant for a railroad company."
"A railroad company? What are you, eighty years old?" She snorted adjusting her papers. Somehow his comments made her feel a tad self-conscious about her haphazard class notes.
"No. I was seven." Anthony's hand rested about the couch slipped closer to around her shoulder.
"No way, old man."
"I'll have you know I'm very spry for my age." He whispered dragging his tongue down her ear. Kate shivered from his touch.
She turned to him. "This means nothing."
"It never does." He grinned before leaning in for a kiss.
"Kate! What's the game?" Eloise called standing in front of her.
"Oh, yes. Sorry. So everyone said they'd like to text someone with no consequences right?" Her friends nodded.
"Then that's what we'll do. Everyone, phones in the middle."
"What?" Eloise squawked.
"I don't know." Penelope bit her lip nervously.
They all looked at Sophie before she shrugged her shoulders. "I'm game. I have nothing to hide in my phone."
Always the competitive one, Eloise slammed her phone down as well. "Count me in."
"Ugh, I only ask that you don't text my mom or my sisters. I'm on shaky ground with them right now." Penelope conceded putting her phone in the pile as well.
"Good." Kate smiled wickedly before placing her phone down as well. "Now the rules are simple. You pick a name, you text a number to anyone who isn't that person's family member, then delete the text. If they respond you have to read aloud what they said. Got it?"
A few mumbled agreements had her smiling. This would be fun.
She zipped up the case, shaking it wildly to show that she wasn't cheating. Kate's plan was to get Sophie's phone but it occurred to her that Penelope could use her help as well. The redhead held hearts in her eyes any time she mentioned Colin’s name. That's not including the hushed whispers they shared or the way her "friend" would sit directly next to her during any event they went to. In fact, Kate had tried to ask Anthony once if Colin had the hots for Penelope, but being an idiotic, oblivious man, he said he thought so but couldn't confirm anything.
"I can't wait for the ending. I need another drink." Penelope swore, grabbing the nearly finished Rosé bottle and downing the rest.
"Wooooo go Penelope!" Eloise encouraged as Sophie giggled.
"I didn't mean for this to be intense Pen. It's just a game." Kate assured her sitting on the floor cross-legged. "Here you go first." She opened the pouch before shaking the contents in front of the redhead's face.
"Here goes nothing." Penelope muttered before closing her eyes, reaching inside and pulling out a slip. She then carefully opened it before sighing.
"Okay, cool."
"Can I see those nuke codes you apparently got a hold of." Eloise joked trying to lean into Penelope's space. The woman in question held her slip close to her chest.
"No peeking El. Oh wait, Kate, do I take the person's phone now or wait til everyone has finished pulling?"
"Up to you guys."
"I'd rather you take it now. The suspense is killing me." Sophie grinned bouncing on the couch eagerly.
"Okay." Kate watched as Penelope scooted towards her coffee table. She peered over each device before taking her yellow painted nails and extracting the bright blue phone case with the hand painted flowers, clouds and cherubs. The design was flawless, beautiful and most of all, one of a kind. Made specifically for the woman it belonged to by the man who belonged to her.
Penelope held up the phone. "Damn it!" Kate cursed.
All of them looked at her. "I wanted to get Sophie." She pouted. Maybe something would work in her favor and she would get Penelope instead. Oh well.
"El, you're up."
"Let's make this quick and painless." Eloise snatched her hand in and then out before nearly tearing open the folded piece.
"Ha! This'll be easy." She jumped towards the table snatching a deep red case with sleek shellac on it. Oh fuck, Kate had a moment of panic. That was her phone. Shit, El could write anything to anyone.
"This is for our gracious host. Open your phone please." Kate rolled her eyes, doing as she was asked before Penelope leaned over to hand Sophie her phone so she could do the same. She was admittedly nervous about having Eloise in possession of her phone, but the more she thought about her contacts in her phone the more she eased up. She had two accounts for Anthony. One for their flirting, sexting, etc. and one for general business like when the Bridgerton clan were going to the beach, and she was invited. Yes, everything would be fine.
"Soph. Your turn."
"Oh yay!" Sophie squealed clapping her hands gleefully.
She dug her hands in, hiding behind her palm with the other hand. "Oh, this is so exciting!" She pulled her paper from the pencil bag before grinning.
"I think this person will thank me in the long run." She chirped leaning to grab a deep black case, the sticker saying "fight for equality" spraypainted in a bright yellow.
"Ugh," Eloise groaned identifying her phone case. "Fine. But don't send anything embarrassingly happy to any of my friends. They will automatically know that it's not me."
"Scout's honor, I won't." Sophie giggled, crossing over her heart to make the pledge symbol.
"Then that leaves me with the best." Kate smiled while taking Penelope's phone. She was excited to finally get her friend some answers about her long standing crush. Kate handed the electronic device decked out in stickers of fictional characters kissing and boat names or whatever they were called that Penelope adored.
"Thank you." Kate got up. "Now I feel like for secrecy we should spread out. Other than that I guess, you have thirty minutes to text and delete to someone of your choosing in the contacts. Good luck."
Kate walked over to her counter before turning on her stereo humming along to SZA's new song 'Kill Bill'.
" I'm so mature. I'm so mature. I got me a therapist to tell me there other men I don't want none ."
She sat on her kitchen counter and thought about what to say to Colin if she was pretending to be Penelope.
Kate stared, then stared some more at the blank text message; the words 'text here' mocking her. Could she pretend to be Penelope to stop the incessant flirtatious dance her friend seemed to be trapped in with her long standing crush?
She had to think like Penelope. Hmmm, that meant books, really impressive ones that Kate's never gotten around to reading. It meant writing fantasy stories about fake characters making love or turning into wolves or some other things that she wasn't sure about. It meant thinking Colin Bridgerton, the man who was slowly growing up, was attractive. Kate tried to think of the third born son's highest qualities to get into the headspace. Colin was nice. He was a gentleman. He was goofy. That was about it. Kate did not know him that well. Shit!
If this were her and Anthony, well, she rolled her eyes, if this were her and Anthony she wouldn't be texting him at all for a date. Anthony Bridgerton was the bane of her existence. He showed up into her life after a failed attempt of hitting on Edwina in a bar. Mostly her big sister mode had been activated but his good looks and charming smile quickly won her over, not that she'd tell him for risk of giving him an even bigger ego than he already had.
Gah! Kate leaned her head against her cabinet. Why was this so hard?
"Why do you always make me hard?" She could hear Anthony whisper in her ear. Frustrated, Kate hopped down from the counter. She gave Anthony far too much control over her libido. In fact, she gave him too much control over everything. That's why she could never be in a true relationship with him, she was sure she'd lose herself in the process. Besides they were only good for each other when they were fucking or fighting. Anything else and it veered into an unstable partnership, which she would not concede to.
Bemoaning her horny, messed up sex life, she peaked out into the living room, whispering Sophie's name. Her best friend was better at these romantic notions. She could help Kate write a good message to Colin that would have him dropping to his knees in reverence of their redheaded friend.
"Hey, what's going on?" Sophie asked, dragging her feet as Kate pulled her inside.
"Ugh Sophie, this is harder than I thought."
"What do you mean?"
"Texting as Penelope. I want to finally help her and Colin get together, but everything I come up with is too forward."
"Oooooh! I love that!" she cooed. "What have you come up with so far?" Sophie questioned excitedly.
"I don't know. Something like…" Kate thought for a moment, blurting out the first thing she could imagine, "Date me you idiot."
"That sounds more like you than Pen," Sophie chuckled.
"Fine. What about 'hey Colin'--does Pen have a nickname for him? It doesn't matter." Kate continued "'hey Col want to be mine forever?" she said lamely, hearing how sad it was.
Sophie squeezed her friend's hand in support. "You're trying too hard. Go for something sexy that will push him out of this friendzone mentality."
"Hey hot stuff, let's be WAY more than friends."
Sophie chuckled. "Kate, you can't send that; he'll never believe it's from her." Shaking her head, she held in more giggles. "I'll try thinking of something, we can do this."
"Yeah, good luck trying." Kate snorted, leaning against her top counters as she went back to creating another suggestive text to send to Colin on Penelope's behalf. "I honestly thought the anonymity would make this easier."
"I don't know..." Sophie wrung her hands.
Kate looked at her friend and her nervous energy. Was Sophie upset? "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just think I might have had a little too much liquid courage when we started this and now I'm getting nervous."
Kate couldn't help but chuckle, "Nervous about what?"
"What if this all ends up hurting someone? You aren't a little worried that Eloise has your phone right now?" Kate snorted once again at the blonde.
"Worried? About what? Who is she really going to text to embarrass me? Edwina, who's on a vacation with her boyfriend and probably won't answer right away. If she contacts a co-worker at-" Kate looked at her microwave, "Eleven o'clock at night, none of them are going to answer no matter what she writes."
Sophie interjected in a whisper. "What if she contacts Anthony?"
Kate couldn't help but chuckle, "Oh please Soph, look at Eloise," they both looked through the opening of her kitchen counter at the girl who was grimacing at Kate's phone. "Whatever she writes is going to be mean for no other reason than because she can be. I honestly expect nothing but a horny response from Anthony."
"What?" Sophie squeaked.
"Yes it's– it's kind of our wild foreplay." hushed Kate finally looking down at Penelope's phone.
"Kate Sharma!" Sophie gasped before leaning in and bringing her voice down to a whisper again. "I thought you stopped hooking up with him."
"Yes?" Kate winced, not looking her friend in the face. "Kind of. I mean, it happened a few times. Not too many mind you. I have my dignity."
"Do you?" Sophie quipped.
"Fine." Kate huffed, "I have my pride and my great body."
"I thought you gave that to Anthony," Sophie joked, wiggling her eyebrows.
"Shut up!" she pushed at her friend's shoulder "Besides speaking of bodies, how's it feel to be the number one man-whore's mistress?"
She watched her friend blush prettily as she drew little circles on the countertop. "I'm not his mistress and I wish he would stop trying to make me into one." Sophie's voice had more than a hint of sadness to it.
"Oh sorry, Soph. I didn't mean to make you upset." Kate rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.
"I-you know what? Why don't we not talk about the Bridgeton men, or at least not talk about the two eldest." Her bright smile returning to her face, she continued, "If we try, we can get the youngest to be less oblivious."
"Sure. I was trying to get into the head of Penelope so the text sounds like her. She is a writer, so maybe we go for something poetic. Would that work?" Kate worried.
"Yes." Sophie smiled leaning closer to Kate. "What if we write something like 'The poets say that meeting your soulmate isn't the beginning or the end, but the infinity in the middle'; how's that?"
Kate grinned at her best friend, glad she was helping. She was such a romantic at heart. That had to be the cheesiest thing Kate had ever heard, but she'd watched Colin and Penelope flirt before. It would have to take something less vague to get Colin to admit his feelings. "It certainly is poetic, Soph, but Colin might be too oblivious for it to get through to him. He is a Bridgerton after all. We need a mix of poetic and forward."
Hmmm, last time she called Anthony over it had been with a lame excuse of balancing her "books" on top of her table, which they did: twice. Her personal Bridgerton man enjoyed it when she was playful with her words about sex. Then it came to her. "I've got it! 'You've traveled slopes, valleys and mountains, but I'm betting you've never been near my hills and mounds. Want a first class ticket?' Sound good?"
"Perfect! You're a genius!" Sophie smiled.
"Great." Kate quickly typed out the message before hopping off the counter. "Now I need a drink."