Work Text:
It was a cool afternoon, and the sounds of the nearby pool floated through the open window. The splashing and happy screams and shouts of people enjoying the cool water on the weekend contrasted sharply with the quiet silence of the dorm room.
The floral curtains of the room blocked out the sunlight streaming from the window. A person laid in bed, their eyes unfocused and their breath shallow. Their skin prickled with discomfort. Their clothes felt dirty and their hair was oily and tangled. However, they haven’t felt any motivation to try and clean up. Their chest tightened at the thought of all their requirements. They were late, all of them.
They didn’t want to try anymore.
Their phone began to vibrate, and blue light invaded the room.
Without looking, they pressed their fingers against the screen.
The blue light disappeared as quickly as it came. Their phone began to play a message, a male voice intruding in its stead.
“Hey, it’s almost 1 in the afternoon, are you awake yet?”
The voice is familiar, an old friend.
They pulled their hand away and lifted their blankets above their head- hiding from the friendly and chipper voice, and only succeeding in slightly muffling it.
“It’s a lovely day today, have you eaten yet?”
Their stomach growled. They curled tighter into the sheets.
“I know you haven’t had a good couple of days, or weeks, really. You’ve told me that your brain didn’t like all the schedule changes these past two months.”
They silently hummed.
“You’re probably recovering. And, you most likely haven’t done much today, which, big mood-“
They gave a soundless but sharp laugh.
“but, you also probably feel bad about it.”
A short silence followed.
The voice on the phone lightly coughed and continued.
“So, I was thinking. Later, in the afternoon, after you freshen up, we could go to the fast food behind the girl’s dorm. Somewhere nearby to get some sugar in you, then we could work together in the lobby?”
They paused.
“Or in the library, or… You know, somewhere else? Wherever you want to work.”
Another bout of silence filled the room.
“Just putting that offer out there. Both of us got some backed-up work, it would be nice to do it together. Also, I could help you with your more overdue stuff?”
They loosened their grip on the sheets, listening intently.
“Anyway, I’ll see you around the fast food if you want to hang out!”
The phone went silent.
…
…
...
They stayed hidden under the blanket for a few more moments before popping their head out. Their mind couldn’t stay still.
They didn’t want to be overwhelmed again. The large amounts of uncomfortable social interactions they had to deal with on a daily basis with the addition of large social events culminated in a lack of focus on things that needed to be done, regardless of their attempts at doing just that. The loudness of the classroom, the ever-changing weather of the foreign-but-not-so-foreign country, and the general inability to be a ‘full adult’ (for whatever that meant) had put them in a stressful situation that they could somewhat handle.
The social events were a different beast altogether. They didn’t like how their body felt cold and warm and numb and prickly, and how the many conversations and noises around them stopped them from hearing the sounds of their own footsteps. Back-to-back social events meant to bring students together pushed them farther away from the others.
Not to mention the lack of schedule stability. They lost track of their schedule near the beginning of the whole mess and couldn’t find it in themselves to bring it back.
Their friend wanted them to hang out, eat some food and finish some work together- A new piece to the broken puzzle that is their schedule at the moment.
‘… But he made the effort to check up on me, to reach out.’
The thought grew in volume.
He made the effort to reach out, to do so on their terms. Where they went to finish their work, was dependent on them, and work didn’t require talking. Not if they wanted to actually finish their overdue assignments.
They could work in silent companionship if they wished.
(They silently craved the productivity of silence with the presence of others they are close with. Most people did not appreciate such comfort.)
The sugar for their sad brain would be good too.
They closed their eyes and took a deep breath in and out. For the first time that day, they felt like they had something to look forward to.
They rolled themselves off the bed and trudged their way to the bathroom.
They began to freshen up, looking forward to a productive hangout with a friend.
They ignored how their brain said they were foolish.
They ignored how their brain screamed that what they were doing was childish.
They ignored how their brain tried to push logic and reality in front of them, how it screamed that nothing happened while they were in bed.
Their phone never turned on, never spoke that message.
There wasn’t anyone on the other side of the phone. The person on the phone was an imaginary friend that they made up an entire phone message just for something to cling onto.
No one was there, they were deluding themselves.
But they brushed that aside. That was never something they wanted to acknowledge.
Who cares if they were silently and subtly falling apart? Who cares if they were failing at being a ‘whole adult?’ Who cares that they were dependent on an imaginary friend that loves them and cares for them enough to check up on them and invite them to just hang out?
Who cares if they lived in the moment just for an imaginary friend? They were living, and finishing their work, and that’s what matters.
They were going to hang out with a friend, and they were going to enjoy it, regardless of what their brain told them.
For the first time that day, they smiled. They could already imagine the cookies and cream milkshake they could get at the fast food.